Sounds like she wants a maid.
That’s a bad relationship for you. You deserve better. He needs to grow up. He can’t make decisions for himself and his Mom is doing it for him. He needs to fend for himself if he’s going to grow up. Walk away.
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Make for the door and run as fast as you can and far away he is putting his mother’s wants before you good luck
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Stick to your guns. Don’t settle for nothing u don’t want or anything you don’t want to do. Never hold yourself back because of a man and his mother. And no u shouldn’t be cooking and cleaning for him unless it’s something u WANT to do
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Stand your ground. No house is big enough for 2 families.
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Move on already lady!
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If he chooses mom. That tells you to move on quickly
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Stick to your guns! Because you are right! There would not be any growth in your future if his mom is trying to tell him what YOU need to do and find a way to control your relationship.
My in-laws kept trying to control ever little thing they could when we lived behind them. Finally we moved states away and they still tried to control us. Because things were so bad, my husband made the decision to cut all strings with them. Ever since he did exactly that, I have seen more growth in not only him, but our marriage as well.
Stick to the boundaries you placed!
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Well if he lives with his mom and you go visit, you are a GUEST in the home. You don’t have to cook or clean squat. If he comes and visits you, he is a GUEST at your home. So yeah, I’d cook him a meal every now and then if he’s at your house visiting. This should be a non argument. You don’t do wifey things for boyfriends. You shouldn’t be cleaning anything of his. You shouldn’t be going over just to cook him a meal. But I say run. You don’t want a man who lets his mom run everything. You will lose every single time.
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Stick to your standards that you want in a relationship period. Do not settle. You’re allowed to have deal breakers and if living with his mama is one of them… so be it. After my toxic ass marriage there are standards I will never stoop below again. And there are things that I’ve learned to give grace on and be a better SO/spouse about.
Time for you to end this. Your dating a boy. He needs to grow up. This mother will never stay out of his business. And no. It’s not your place to cook and do his laundry. But seriously. You need to end this. He’s too wishy washy
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It should be 50/50 in a relationship and that includes cleaning and everything else in it. Do not let him run over you and this should a red flag for you. sit down with him and talk to him to explain feelings about it and your opinion as well
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RUN- He’s already choosing his mum by coming up with excuses.
She obviously cooks and cleans for him and since you won’t become his mum- he’s sticking with her.
It’s only going to get worse
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If he doesn’t live with you then no.
I don’t think you necessarily have to be married but to not even have a place together? Nope. That’s too much.
Get away from the poor mama’s boy!!
Your dating a momma’s boy that’ll probably never change. Run!
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If hes the only kid, then i guess hes not in the wrong, hes taking care of his mom and is not the mom’s sister job to care for her. Hes buying a house for his mom so he can have of his own once shes gone. But he does sound like a mamas boy.
Run and keep running he’s a mommy’s boy !!
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Well you might as well get out while the getting is good.
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You obviously aren’t too into this dude if that’s a deal breaker. Just break up.
This is a HUGE red flag:triangular_flag_on_post:
RUN!!!
This is just the beginning. It doesn’t get better, it gets worse.
You don’t need a momma’s boy, you need a man.
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He’s a mommas boy run!! I had one of those. She even went on our honeymoon. He used to go to work by 6am. She used to get up and sit with him thru his breakfast before work. She used to kiss him on the lips and hold his hand. He never touched me. She made all his decisions. I was getting migraines my hair was falling out I was stressed because of her. Run. Run far away.
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It is not your “job” to do. If it is something you want to help a partner out with from time to time that is your prerogative. Someone else (parent or not) should not be dictating what things go on in a private relationship. Maybe writing down some boundaries and sharing these with your partner may be of benefit?
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Id tell him to get a grip and leave him he is obviously a mommys boy and will continue to be, his mom will always expect you to do things for him and you will never be good enough for him so id walk away and get yourself a proper man
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Good for you!!! DO NOT DO IT!!! Cooking and cleaning for him is also a road you do not wanna go down either, you guys should be a team not a slavery ship with a dependent, whiney mother in law calling the shots! RUN WHILE YOU STILL CAN!
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Your already doubting your relationship. If he moves in with mom I’d end it cause he made his decision. Mom comes first
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Since ur not married or living together rite now, don’t be doin any of those things for him. Once you start the more he will expect. As far as the mother thing it will only get worse. Mom this, and mom that! I know he loves his mom. He should never turn his back on her. But it sounds like she’s in a great place now.
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It’s hard sometimes doing what’s best for you in relationships, but clearly in this situation it’s time to leave this man child!!
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If he decides to live with his mom then you stick with the decision you told him don’t go back on your word. Also let me just add sounds pretty toxic of the mom to expect you to take care of her son he should be an independent man that can do all on his own, you’re not his mom and he’s grown it’s no one’s job but his own to take care of himself.
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You shouldn’t cook and clean for anyone, married to them or not. What year is this? You are not a slave and he is an adult. Caring for your life together is a joint and equal job. Please don’t be a slave to anyone.
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My last two relationships, they were mommas boys. It was annoying. I loved their families and loved the fact they were all close, but they didn’t know how to set boundaries with their mothers or family. Outside family can have whatever opinions they want- it’s inevitable. BUT only you and your SO know what you two deal with daily inside of your home. If outside sources are hindering your inside relationship, it’s time to have a sit down and set boundaries. If they aren’t willing to listen and compromise, leave. It won’t get better. You should date with the mind set of wanting to essentially get married or be together forever. If he was already living with his mother before you met, I would say you’re being dramatic because you went into the relationship knowing, but it looks like he wasn’t. So I agree, it will cause hardships on your relationship now. And if he wants he move in with her to take care of her, that’s not his job. Idc what anyone says. I would never expect my child to “take care of me” if I were sick or whatever. I didn’t have kids for that reason. That’s selfish to expect your child to do that and take away their opportunities to live their lives. Especially if she has a roommate already. He needs to worry about his life with you. Buying a house with you. Getting married to you. Having a family with you.
Get rid of him. It won’t change.
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He and his mother sound exhausting already. Life is too short and there are a lot of good Grown Men out there. If he isn’t the one, the person you know is YOUR person, I’d suggest breaking up and moving on.
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Personally, I would leave. Red flags are being thrown everywhere. He’s a mommies boy and you don’t want to be in that kind of relationship! She doesn’t need to live with him and she’s already starting to butt in y’all’s relationship. I can guarantee it will only start to get worse.
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Seems like a bit of a mumma’s boy. If you continue the relationship it will forever be a relationship between three people so decide if you’re willing to do that.
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Get out now, before you have more time, energy and emotion invested in this relationship. This has red flags every which way you look at it.
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Just tell him he’s a grown man that needs to think for himself, the “my mom said you need to cook and clean for me” probably came from him too. It won’t get any better, move on find someone better.
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Somehow it seems like they’re up to something together that will not benefit you. She doesn’t have a say in how you participate your relationship. Get out dear one
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Kind of sketch that she didn’t want to move in w him until y’all got together. She wants to move in to stop you from moving in eventually.
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I’ve been with my husband for 8 years and I don’t cook and clean FOR HIM, it’s a shared role. We are a team and we both do all house work. Let his momma have him because u really can’t compete with the mom. Once he starts listening to mom and those expectations are there, it will only continue and get worse. And he’ll no the mom shouldn’t live with u and bf! She has a place to live and she’s a grown woman. She can provide for herself. If she doesn’t have medical problems that she needs to live with someone for then she needs to get her own place or stay where she is. I respect a relationship and bond between mother and child but this is too much. End it now before it’s harder to leave.
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STAND YOUR GROUND!
If a man wants a wife, mom has to go.
He is not her surrogate man, but she will act like it.
If he doesn’t meet your demands RUN.
Trust me!
My mom tried to ruin every relationship I have ever been in.
Even if it saves you money, it’s never worth rooming with a mother like that!
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You don’t have to cook and clean for him even when you are a wife!
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Mom should take care of herself. I would not expect my children to submit to anything as such when they’re full grown adults. I would move on. It’s not a relationship if there is demands like that.
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I dont even need to read the explanations to know my answer to your question is… Hell No! You want a partner and that means your partner cleans and cooks for themselves ESPECIALLY if you’re not even sharing household duties by living together
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Take it from someone who’s mother inlaw has live with me for 6 years it’s not worth it just throw the whole man away before it’s too late
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You have been dating for 3 months? Girl just leave. She sounds like a helicopter parent, and if he doesn’t stick up for you now he never will. Set your boundaries and if he doesn’t respect that you should just step
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Don’t do it! We just moved in with my mother In law and I hate it! I told my husband that we need to hurry and find our own place or I’m out. Our kids hate it so much as well
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Dont do it …I’ve been trying to get my MIL out of my house for years …every time she leaves she comes back …she refuses to get out of my husband’s ass … Calls him 300 times a day while he’s at work when he’s home with me and the kids and then she comes home and steals 90% of his attention … She wasn’t like this in the begining … So if his mom is already this bad of just run now …or you’ll never get rid of her
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I think you made great points and I think I would have the exact same out look on the situation as you already do I think your definitely on the right track here an couldn’t have said it any better then you have 
stand up for what you feel and believe 
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So mature of you!!! And very brave. You know what it is you want and if he can’t give it to you then it sounds like you know what to do. I wouldn’t say you are overreacting at all. Now, if it was a house with an inlaw suite and she was staying there then that would be a different story. Maybe put that idea out there?
Ya RED FLAG!
Don’t waste your time. There are a lot of men who own their own home without mommy. If she is a single mother and they agree to do an investment. Where she buys a house and in a few years they sell it and split the money I can see that. But most of those require you owning the home for 3 years
He will compare you to mommy cooking and cleaning. Well my mom did this and my mom did that. Then go back to mommy. I ain’t your mom.
I 100% agree with Amanda Marsh Icenogle statement. My mother in law did this to me
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Your not wrong. He needs to decide what he wants and if he decides to live with you, you are not obligated to clean or cook for him. An occasional cooked meal or dinner for you both but nothing more. You don’t want to agree to any more than you can chew
I think this “boy “ needs to grow up make he’s own decisions and get a life away from “mummy”.
Plus if living with you he needs to pull he’s weight and share all household chores including cooking.
If he can’t step up then you will have a this “child” on your hands. It’s a new age world love where wives are no longer slaves for men.
Tell him to be honest about what he wants but also let it be known that you’re not gonna bend over backwards to please him when you’re already a full time student paying your own bills … adding his mom to the mix would only add drama and everything will only become one sided… that’s his mom and there’s a chance he will side with her regardless… just sit down and talk to him about what he genuinely wants to do without runarounds
I have 3 daughters and always tell them if someone comes over especially a boyfriend then they should offer them something to eat when they’re over and to clean up when they are done. If they eat at their boyfriend’s house they should clean up after themselves, but I would never think it appropriate for a mother to expect a girlfriend to come over and cook and clean regularly. You’re his girlfriend, not a maid service. If you don’t have the desire to do either it shouldn’t be expected. You really need to think about if you can handle him being his mother’s sole caregiver because that will be the case and if you get married it will soon turn into your responsibility. Best wishes.
As for the cooking and cleaning issue…those are things that you can do if you wanted to do it. If you had time to do it-not putting off studying or anything else just to do it. Those are NOT things that you do because you feel obligated-YOU ARE NOT OBLIGATED to do these things.
Stick to your guns. You made a very reasonable request given what you have witnessed first hand and second hand. You seem pretty grounded and sensible. Don’t second guess yourself or your worth because of his mothers opinion. You have to understand that is his mother and his choice as to how he wants to live his life. You did not give him an ultimatum, you gave him your standards. If he wants your relationship to progress to the next level,now the ball is in his court. Let him make his decision. Support his decision by either moving on or moving in. You got this either way.
I wouldn’t continue any further with him. He obviously is a puppet of his mother and she will always be a thorn in your side. Run…quick!!
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Absolutely not!!! He is a grown man and should care for himself. Cooking and cleaning are wife duties do not give him the benefits of having a wife until he makes you his wife and even then the cooking and cleaning should no solely be up to you. Girl that’s a huge red flag dump him he is a Mama’s boy and that woman will make your life miserable
Stand your ground on your decisions and your path. Let his momma have him. You shouldn’t even be hearing all about his mom said this and that. Mom said you should be cooking and cleaning. Sounds like he’s going to live with her so she can do it. Because really, if anyone should be doing it, she should. She is the momma of her unwed son and it’s pretty typical and ok for her to do it. Make his bed and wash his drawers, cook. And he needs Her to buy a house, she doesn’t need him for that…so, he gets a house, a mom maid, And sleep with you…sounds like the life. Stand your ground. You know exactly what you want and don’t want and you will regret bending at this point. He will show you the man he is.
Mommas boy - run. It is good to see he loves her and is dedicated to her, but unless she REALLY needs his help, I’d be wary.
Avoid him at all cost. Mil are hard to navigate as it is. And even if you are his wife, do want a husband with that type of mentality?! You’re supposed to be partners. What a great time to back away- before marriage, before cohabitation, and BEFORE KIDS. Believe me, you’d be fighting for your kids with his mom too with how she already latches on to him for him.
As a girlfriend no I wouldnt be his mom and cook and clean for him
.occasionally it would be okay to surprise him with a meal or clean something. Tough spot let momma be momma not you. As far as his mom living with him as a girlfriend you havent much say he needs to stand up for himself
Girl… Run. 
Seriously though, it sounds like his mom is one of those “bless your heart” people. Ya know, all nice and sweet on the outside, but on the inside, a toxic manipulative person.
Stick to your guns!!! Don’t let him talk you out of your decision. Hopefully he will be willing to grow to stay with you, but if not remember there are tons of fish in the sea.
Awww… if that’s what you want. To spend your life cooking and cleaning for someone else then go for it. If you don’t then I wouldn’t start now because it will be expected.
Sounds like he’s not at the same level as you maturity wise. I’d say cut your losses and end it. Find someone willing to build towards a future with you not looking for another mommy!
If you are a student, go study your books! You do not need to study the relationship between son-mom. If your bf is using you this is problem. Clear your mind! This maters.
This is a literal tv show called “I love a mamas boy” watch that and then run if he can’t set boundaries
If you’ve only been dating a few months and his mom is already an issue for you, you may not be with the right guy. It’s just way to early in the relationship for you to be trying to give ultimatums. Honestly, IMHO, I think it’s wonderful that he looks out for his mom and maybe you should take this as a sign that she is his #1 not you.
You’ve been dating a few months and he/his mum thinks you should be cooking and cleaning for him? Where? At yours ? At his? At hers? None of this makes sense, And you’re certainly to early in to be making ultimatums about where or who he lives with, If any of this is actually coming from his mother she is going to be an issue regardless of whether he lives with her or not because he is the one reporting to her … What you should be considering is whether this relationship is worth the hassle long term … I imagine if it’s this bad early on, It’s not going to fare much better down the line.
They sound emotionally enmeshed. He needs to cut the apron strings. NEVER DATE A MAMAS BOY!!! you will come 2nd best, there are NO BOUNDARIES, & she will constantly meddle in your relationship. RUN…
Does he pay for ANY of your bills? Then no you don’t cook and clean for him. Buying his mom a house?! Girl you want a man whose priority is to buy YOU a house. Run,run run as fast as you can.
I think you answered your own question. You take care of you. When the guy is right, he will add to your life not take from it.
No to cooking for him, unless you invite him over. And no to moving in together until you are ready. I am one who will say what steve harvey says: why buy the cow when already has the milk for free.
Two adult women can not live together in same house like that especially if it is his mom. She will be in your business 24/7;and it will totally ruin your relationship.
You’re in the right. I would leave if he moved in with his mom sounds like moving backwards instead of forward. Don’t do wife stuff without the wife title
Just given the info given in the post, I see red flags with the mother’s insistence in her son living with her. You’re not wrong at all. You are allowed to have an opinion on the matter that whole heartedly involves you in every aspect of your life. You stated your feelings on the matter…if he chooses to live with his mom, you will have to choose to stick with your feelings and move on or succumb to the life that you do not wish to live 
one thing you need to keep in mind is that IT IS OK TO CHOOSE YOURSELF!Especially this early on In the relationship, while it is just you and him and there are no children or other community property involved. You are in college. This is the time to prioritize yourself. Do not feel bad about this. Ever.
My husband and I were living together after 2 months, engaged 5 months, married just over a year after we were together. We take care of each other. I don’t understand people saying I won’t do this or that before marriage. Like, why suddenly is it ok to suddenly change?
If he’s reciprocating, take care of each other. If not, then it’s up to you.
I feel as though there is more to this story though, l be honest.
You know how a man will treat you, by the he treats his Momma.
I believe that whole heartedly. It seems like it’s time to sit down with yourself boyfriend and have a serious chat about boundaries, your future goals (because if they aren’t similar, it won’t work), and what you want for your future together.
You aren’t wrong. That’s some mommas boy vibes and if that’s the case, you will never be enough and will always be wrong and the mom will ruin and butt into everything and will celebrate when you are gone. She wants him to herself that’s why she wants HIM to help HER buy a house. She is marking her territory. She is fine where she is with her sister.
Don’t stay in it. If he lived an hour away like he was then I’d consider it but if HE isn’t making boundaries then imagine if you were married and had kids 
You are not wrong!! What you foresee happening is EXACTLY what will happen because Mommy is controlling things. Walk away…
A man will provide for you, not find a way for you to provide for him…you already know the answer. Its fine if he wants to help his mom, let him.
At this point, you should hear a warning bell going off. The mom will always be in your business. Move on and find someone else.
You’re definitely not wrong. Sound like son needs to continue to grow and mom needs to absolutely let go and quit living off everyone else.
I’m assuming your a mother? To your own children?? Thanks would 100% keep being a mother to your children and stop wasting your time with a man child and give that attention to yourself snd your family.
He can cook and clean up after himself. His mommy needs to stay in her lane. 
Sounds like he’s not ready for commitment, I would just move on with my life.
Just some advice. Do NOT move in with him AND his mother if there are already issues with ANYTHING whether they’re big or small that have to do with his mother. My boyfriend, myself, and our 2 year old live with his parents for multiple reasons. Even under the best of circumstances its hard to live with parents and be in a relationship. It’s hard to live with two families in one home whether the other family/couple is family or not.
In my situation we all get along GREAT, but we still have some disagreements from time to time and it can get pretty stressful during those times and this is WITH all of us getting along. They stay out of our private life/relationship/parenting for the most part, but like all inlaws (mother in laws) there is sometimes (often) an opinion offered or insinuated or passed on telepathically. If you are already having issues like this I can tell you it will get A LOT worse if you all three lives together.
You need to talk to him about things like this and vase your decision to live with HIM on the way he talks to you about them and what conclusion you both come to. If he is willing to see your side of it and make his OWN decisions then living together will probably be ok. If he takes her word as gospel and wants to do things exactly as how she says they could be then it will never work.
Not wrong at all, it sounds like mom cant make it on her own and ud never get rid of her
That being said don’t live with his mom. I have had mother in laws that were so bad. My life was miserable.
Sounds like you already know what you need to do. If he’s not willing to shift his priorities to make you fit into his future then don’t do it for him!
I’d be out 
the whole well my mom says… nope sorry how old are we ? That’s a mama’s boy and that’s a no go for me. No way am I competing in something I’ll never win.
Ita not the 1950’s. Whether you are married or not this “cook and clean for your man” is outdated. You are meant to be a partner. Not a servant. He is fully capable of cooking and cleaning whether he is a boyfriend or a husband
I would say end it and if serious about the relationship you have he will grow some balls.x
Run away. Run away & never look back. Seriously. Their thought process is all kinds of wrong here.
You need to keep your self love and respect. You deserve so much better! 
if hes living with his mama why isnt mama cooking or cleaning? if you dont live together focus on yourself and not catering to 2 households. if you are having issues living separately and his mom is so involved in your love life then there are a handful of redflags already. seems like you already have your answers. life is too short and my advice is to ride solo and focus on finishing school and studying. get yourself established before branching to a serious relationship. id drop him and keep your options open for life. when you finish school your confidence will remind you that you did the right thing and you can choose someone with likeminded goals and more to offer
Squirrels getting ready for the winter lol if he was living on his own before why he can’t do it now? Do you actually have proof he lived on his own
Stick to your guns. His mom has no business telling you what you should and should not be doing.
Nope nope nope. You don’t do wife things unless you are close to a wifey or a wife!!!
Rethink your relationship status and title of gf…you are not a wife and till he puts a ring on it then don’t be doing wifey shit
Don’t do a thing. Also, way too much drama and possible manipulation to get involved in any serious way