I am wondering if others would call their child’s school about this…My 13 yr old son is a bit of handful at times and I say this as his mother full understanding what he is like. He can be very much a 13 yr old boy… loud impulsive and distracting. But he is not a bad kid. He is kind to others and isn’t intentionally disrespectful. He told me that he has a recess detention this week. He told me he asked to go to the bathroom, the music teacher said no and he tried to convince her and she still said no so he got up and went anyway. When I asked him about it like “Did you really have to go?” (I work with kids too. I know the sort of things they get up to. )He said yes, it was bordering on an emergency. When he returned, he was in trouble. He told her he really had to go… And she said “what if there was a fire? And you were in there?” Well I kind of feel like she’d know he was in there since he told you he was going! I think my son should not have been put in the embarrassing position to have to BEG to use the bathroom in front of all his classmates. He’s a human being! He definitely shouldn’t have been denied or in trouble for tending to his basically biological functions!! I understand teachers are in a position where kids are pushing it. Lying. Talking back etc. But I feel like this is the one area they kind of need to give them the benefit of the doubt. I’m not the mom who thinks her angel can do no wrong. Again I work with children and sometimes their side of the story is definitely lacking some detail.He told me he has had issues with this one teacher before. She may be basing her attitude on past occurrences. But you can’t be like that with kids. Every day is a new day. At least thats how I am trained in my line of work with kids. Would you call the school over this? And if you found out it went exactly as your child described it…what would you do? Can I refuse to have him serve that recess detention?
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Should I contact my kids school over this issue?
I think you start by asking the teacher what all happened. Maybe there’s more to it - maybe not. Start there.
If this was the case I’d ask to have him moved to a new teacher but I’d honestly want to have a sit down w the teacher (with them both in the room) , like why does she feel he’d lie? Is it bc him? Is it bc other kids do it?
I’m a sub, and I’m a mother. I’d be pissed. Definitely contact the school.
I always will discuss it with the teacher but if my child is trying to convince someone they need to go to bathroom and they don’t let them I’d be livid 
Was there no time to use the restroom before class?
I’d definitely chat to the teacher and see if there’s another side to the story. But also I despise teachers not letting students use the bathroom. I think it’s rude and controlling.
The us education system is so ridiculous about bathroom breaks.
One of my teachers did this to me before because I’d ask to go to the washroom everyday at the same time. My mom called her and said if someone is regular, that means they go everyday at the same time! Let her go! Never had an issue after that!
I’m with you on this…I feel like at 13 they should ask to go and be able to …no questions asked. What if there was a fire and she said yes. And I do understand the troubled ruin it for the not troubled …just like anything. I would email the principal and let them know when your child needs to use the rest he should be allowed.
Nope. when I was in grade 3, a student kept asking to go to the bathroom and the teacher refused so he got up and pooped in the garbage can… after that no kid was denied going to the bathroom… had your son did that then yes recess detention…
Id have son take the punishment from the teacher so she understands you aren’t undermining her but also have a conversation with her about your outlook on it.
As a mom who has had a teacher deny her 5yo son bathroom privileges, just to have my kid come home with literal fecal matter caked on pants, I might be biased. I would 100% be on my kids side on this and speak to the teacher. Any teacher denying bathroom use is a piece of shit in my opinion.
I would let it go. A single recess detention is not a huge deal- and I am sure there is more to her side of the story.
I would ask the teacher about it, just to make sure I have the full story. But I’ve told my girls plenty times, if they really have to go and a teacher won’t let them, to go. Especially my youngest because she has bladder issues. But I’d def be calling the school to talk about it. Cause I’d be mad about the detention too.
I’d talk to the teacher with principal present. Yes I’d contact the school.
I’d be livid.
I think teachers not letting kids use the bathroom is absolutely ridiculous. I’m honestly glad he stood up for himself!! He is a smart kid, and I absolutely would be talking to someone at the school.
I would be livid. I homeschool because I HATE Alabama schools.
My son knows to politely ask Once . If you are told NO get up and go to the restroom and they can deal with ME about it 
they are not prisoners and my child will not be forced to hold his bladder .
I’ve had to contact teachers about this for my kids. Do kids overuse the “bathroom” excuse? Probably. Does it annoy teachers? Probably. However, when a kid has to go, they have to go. I’d let the school know he’s not to be punished for using the bathroom and then give a friendly reminder to your son not to overuse the excuse. I know my kids have, heck, I did too when I was in school but kids shouldn’t have to risk an emergency.
Make it hell for them. I’ve had to tell off teachers respectfully bc of issues like this.
You need to have a discussion with the teacher, admin and student.
I would go to the school and talk to the teacher
Of course bring it up . You can do so without being offensive. If children have to apologise when wrong so should the teacher. Maybe your son might have to apologise as he didn’t know how else to deal with the situation. But it’s worth it to stop the teacher doing that again.
I’d see what the other side of the story is and then decide.
I would talk to the teacher but let him take the punishment.
Who gets recess at 13?
I remember being denied and I ended up bleeding through my clothes and well was more embarrassed. After that the school made it a rule that you couldn’t deny any student to use the bathroom.
No, don’t call, go to the school. First explaining you know he is no innocent angel. What was he to do. Like today, I have I guess a stomach virus, went to the bathroom2-3 x
It is illegal to refuse a child the restroom, it is against their personal rights!! I would go ballistic on the school.
Yes I’d be contacting the school. Get the whole story and proceed
I’d call the school and refuse that detention. That’s some straight BS
I would call the school,because my daughter was refused to go to the bathroom in high school once and she was on her monthly,and leaked on her clothes thank god she had dark clothes on and it wasnt noticable,she text me told me,i went to the school took her some clean clothes ,went to the office threw a huge fit,they sent me to the nurse,talked to the nurse and they gave her a free pass to the bathroom for the rest of the year no teacher was aloud to tell her no fot the bathroom! And then i still took her home with me that day
What. Was. He. Supposed to. Do. Defacate. In. The. Class room. Your. Child. Was. In. a. Terrible. Jam. !! I. Feel. Bad. For. Both. Of. You. I’d. Report. It to. The. School. Board
Don’t report home behavior it could be used against him. Do talk to the teacher in person .Then if necessary principal and or school counselor. Does he need an evaluation by his pediatrician
No kid should be refused to use the restroom. I could see 2x times in one class hour but do we all not all have to go in-between classes. Sometimes it just comes up and nobody can control that. Child or adult.
My kids ask to go one time…if they get told no then they have my full permission to walk out and go. They’re teachers and the principal have known this since they were in kindergarten so I’d definitely be up the school handling it.
I remember the only time I was denied going to the bathroom by a teacher(one of my favorite teachers actually) he said to wait until he finished talking. I slipped him a note saying I felt like I was going to puke, he just nodded at me(as an okay to step out quietly). Sometimes teachers don’t get it, and some times teachers are just jerks(like everyone else can be at times) … possibly this teacher just didn’t understand the urgency?
I walked out of a class once because of this. They tried to give me detention so my dad went to the school and yelled at the principal. Needless to say I left detention early.
I would request a meeting with principal, a child should not be denied use of bathroom, and really. What if there was a fire, lol, what if he had an accident in his pants, better never use the bathroom, because could be a hurricane, lol
Call the teacher first, not the school.
I’d contact that school you can’t do that it’s bs
Oh I would’ve been there the next morning. My daughter told me her 9th grade math teacher was throwing pencils if they didn’t get what he was teaching. She completely shut down! I went up there and blatantly asked him if he did that and he said yes.
Considering denying bathroom breaks, last I checked, is a crime in most places. Even the UN declared it a human right that cannot be infringed upon. So yeah, a school meeting needs to happen and an explanation needs to not only be given, but a new policy needs to be demanded. Not allowing bathroom breaks and expecting a child to hold their urine is medically bad for their health and a violation of human rights.
I’ve always said to my kids of you need to go then you go - if you get in trouble I will deal with that.
I would start by speaking to the teacher.
I would call school.
I would contact the teacher on her story and go from there…
I would call and speak to the teacher, and take it further if needed. I can tell you from both working in a school and having 4 kids, most times there is not enough time to use the restroom between classes, there are times when you need to get from one end of school to the other, and then back again for the next class, so it could be a few hours before you might have a chance. You can’t always time it, it’s just nature and a teacher can’t repeatedly say no and make a kid wet themselves. He came back, it’s not like he was messing around. Does she never let kids go to the restroom for fear of fires? What is her reason for refusing? Needs a conversation, definitely.
I have been there with a classmate and she had an accident in the class. When class dismissed she refused to get up. Crying and humiliated. Her Mother had to be called to come remove her. It was very emotional and I felt sorry for her and angry at him for being abusive to her. As far as I’m concerned it is mentally and emotionally abusive and Physically abusive to force a CHILD to hold off. It becomes painful to hold off. But if a child become adamant to go or can’t sit still …they need to go. And it needs recognized by teachers. My child had a LG bladder and rarely went. So when she said she did…she had to run. Teachers need to recognize these are children and some have small bladders. Talk to the teacher. Her version may be different. Talk to the principal as well. Send them an email so its on record this has been addressed. I always told my kids if they refuse …get up and go. Consequences are dealt out later.
How about emailing the teacher for her perspective on the issue so that you can deduce the truth (or close to it) from the 2 sides of the story?
Also a mom of an 8th grade boy here, with no rose colored glasses blinding me. If it were my son I would want to know how often he asks to go during that class, how often he really NEEDS to go vs just wanting an escape. How are his grades in the class? Things like that would sway my decision.
Call the school. That’s unacceptable.
Oh hell naw you go to that school and raise hell aa a child this happened to me my mom raised hell also told me walk out if I have to go
Yeah I’d be going to the school to meet with the teacher. My kid says they need the bathroom then they’re going to go to the bathroom 
Ask the teacher what was going on. Is there a reason she doesn’t trust him in the hall. Is there certain parts of a class lock that no one can leave the room. For example the first ten and last ten of every class block are no fly times meaning no one can leave. It’s done the first ten to ensure all students made it to class and the last ten so everyone hears final directions.
Absolutely contact the school! She really said “What if there was a fire?” to him? So no child should ever go to the bathroom? Or maybe we should teach them what to do in an emergency if they are in the bathroom? JS…I would fight the detention. I’d be at the school speaking to the principle. I would also report this incident to the school board. He asked politely, he then told her he had to go badly explaining it was an emergency (for however long that took),then got up quietly and excused himself. No teacher should deny a child their right to use a bathroom. Statistically speaking holding it in can cause medical issues. In this case teacher is the 1 in the wrong.
I used to say that I didn’t have to go before recess and I’d go outside and play. Then, after we came back inside and went to class, I would ask to go to the restroom. My first grade teacher was annoyed by this, and told me “No! I should have went before recess!” I sat in my chair, crying, and peed my pants. I did learn a lesson! Lol. I don’t know what your child’s situation is, but I’d talk to the teacher to find out.
I would definitely stick up with him to the fullest on this one. I think its absolutely disgusting to deny a child the ability to go to the restroom. I had teachers do that to me and I’ve 1. Peed on myself as a result 2. Was on my period and bled on myself and then was shamed over not being able to contain that…? Not only is it extremely embarrassing but it can cause infection if done a lot.
I’d contact the principal. If I didn’t get the results I wanted, I’d gladly go over their heads. Denying a student access to the bathroom is absolutely unacceptable.
I would call the school and find out what the story is. I would tell them flat out that denying a child the time to use the restroom can cause health problems. Has he had kidney or bladder infections in the past? If so, bring that up and point out that those are painful and he doesn’t want another one, worse still, to wet himself. I would protest the recess detention. Strenuously.
One time my daughter was made to pick up trash outside with some other kids as a punishment at recess without gloves on picking up trash in elementary school I went up there and raised hell
I would first reach out to the teacher via email or phone call. If you don’t feel what he/she is saying really goes with what your son said is contact the principal. I have 13 year old boy myself so I get 13 year old boys. I also work in a middle school and understand we sometimes can’t send kids to the bathroom but if they were really insisting it was an emergency we have to send them regardless if it really was an emergency or not. Good luck.
I would definitely call the school. If a child needs to use the bathroom they should be allowed.
Believe it or not I once had to get a note from the doctor to allow my child to go to restroom before school was out, she had an hour on bus, the doctor said this is the craziest thing I have ever heard of
Contact them!!!
The only lunch detention I ever got was because my teacher gave me permission before the late bell for his class rang and I didn’t make it back till after. I was on my period, but he didn’t care. Embarrassing!
Yes I’d call. Especially if he said he is in trouble after he left and went anyways. What are the consequences he is going to face now? When a 13 year old is begging to use the restroom more then likely they aren’t kidding. She should have just let him go and maybe said be back in 5 min.
OMG yes you need to call. Teachers have no right to say no unless you know its because the child is going to play or get into trouble ( I work with children as well). This will lead to problems in the future if children are told to always hold it. And, he is not staying inside at recess. He needs to get out and get the fresh air and run around. It help with restart button so he can concentrate more. There is a reason for outdoor play. Sorry to go, it really makes my blood boil when teachers tell children and teenagers they cant use the washroom.
Is she like this to everyone or just your son? But I would email the teacher to hear her side. I do, however, think it’s ridiculous for not letting kids go to the bathroom when they need to. My son peed in his pants when he was in kindergarten, all cause his teacher won’t let him go to the bathroom, cause “don’t interrupt her when she’s talking.”
Speak to the teacher first because no child should have to be embarrassed over having to go that bad. Kids could make fun of him afterwards. Not a good position to be put in. If she doesn’t satisfy you then go to the Principal
Definatly call the school
I’d be up there the next day.
csll the school when you gitta go, you gotta go!
First I want to say you sound completely reasonable and understanding of both sides. The way you describe your son is how I would describe mine and yes I would absolutely make it known that your son should be allowed to go to the restroom when he needs to and not be punished. Also good for him for just going! We teach our kids to do as they’re told but they also need to know when to stand up for themselves even if it’s against a grown up.
I went through this as a 13-year-old girl. I was told no to the point of being intimated by the teacher and ended up peeing in my chair because I was afraid to just get up and go. Please say something.
That teacher was out of line. There was a kid in my grade who peed in a trash can because the teacher refused him to go to the bathroom.
Ive also had this issue. My kids are instructed to leave and go if you really need to go. But they also dont do any kind of detention. My daughter got a Saturday detention over it and I did not send her, she thrn was suspended that following Monday for not going to her Saturday, we took the day and did something together. The rules for bathroom breaks are bizarre and I dont play that.
I feel like she should of told him he had 3 to 5 minutes. He should of never been told no.
My middle school son got sent to the office over going to the bathroom between classes. Mostly because he defended himself. He said teachers stand in the halls while kids switch classes. He made eye contact with his teacher, motioned to the bathroom & walked in. The bell rang. He walked in class a few minutes late & the teacher said he was tardy & to go to the office to get a pass. He was like, “you totally saw me walk in & nodded.”
Yes, I made an appointment with my kid, teacher & principal. I found out he did this on a regular basis, -and it was abused. It’s also right after lunch then a long 5th period class. My kid goes to the bathroom right after every meal. I get if every kid did this, it would be disruptive but it’s better than disrupting class in session or shitting his pants.
My middle school son got sent to the office over going to the bathroom between classes. Mostly because he defended himself. He said teachers stand in the halls while kids switch classes. He made eye contact with his teacher, motioned to the bathroom & walked in. The bell rang. He walked in class a few minutes late & the teacher said he was tardy & to go to the office to get a pass. He was like, “you totally saw me walk in & nodded.”
Yes, I made an appointment with my kid, teacher & principal. I found out he did this on a regular basis, -and it was abused. It’s also right after lunch then a long 5th period class. My kid goes to the bathroom right after every meal. I get if every kid did this, it would be disruptive but it’s better than disrupting class in session or shitting his pants.
I always tell my kids if they have to go and they say no to just go anyways. Situation will be a lot more embarrassing, possibly worse, if they have an “accident” at school. He had recess detention and that is the time they utilize to go to the restroom so they stay in class after that.
I would call for sure. My daughter would tell me about teachers like that in middle and high school. They have no time between classes to go. She would have to fight through all the kids to get across the school to her next class. I always told her if she had to go and couldn’t hold it and the teacher said you tell her mama said yes and you go! She wasn’t one to play around and rarely asked(she’s very shy and don’t say much)so if she asks she’s gotta go.
My child had an accident bc of this situation! How embarrassing that was for him! Id def contact the teacher and be on her ass for denying my child a bathroom break in the first place.
It’s not gonna kill him to serve a recess detention. At his age, I’d have him try speaking to the teacher or peers he’s having problems with directly and respectfully. Only if there continue to be problems would I get involved. It comes to the point where they need to learn to advocate for themselves and get embarrassed when their parents step in.
I would contact the teacher 1st and see what her story is. I have had this and similar issues with my kids and teachers. And I have told my kids if u really have to go then go. You wont be in trouble with me. Especially my 11 yr old when she is on her period. And they have minimal time to get to each class and aren’t allowed to carry backpacks. Embarrassing kids for stuff like this just blows me. I DON’T PLAY when it comes to my kids.
Call the school? I’d be going in talking to the teacher directly. No one is gonna deny his basic human rights, what if he went in his pants cause she wouldn’t let him? Would you still be questioning this?
He wouldn’t be serving detention either. He shouldn’t have to ask to go to the bathroom.
All of my kids have our full permission to get up and go when needed and their teachers can deal with my husband and I
I’d call the school. I’ve told my kids before if it’s an emergency and you can’t hold it anymore and they won’t let you leave you go. I’ll contact the schools
No one should stop a kid from using restroom I always told my kids if you got to go and teacher says no get up and go anyway if they get in trouble told them use the teachers waste basket that will fix them
I would call. Or better yet just go in there They refused my son to go to the bathroom and he threw up all over the library. I told him you ask permission and if they deny you then just go and tell them to contact me if that’s a problem
So no one should EVER go to the bathroom in case of fire?
Unless there is an arsonist at that school every day…
The teacher sounds like a control freak.
In other countries…they don’t even have to ask… They just go to the bathroom when they need to.
If a kid is repeatedly just going to the bathroom to hang out… Then they can deal with that.
This is BS!! I’d rip that teacher apart. Denied human needs is disputing. Does he go to a public school or nazi camp. Not ok in my book. I’d for sure be at that class having words with said teachers and the principal and no my kid would never serve any punishment for using the bathroom. If they think so then they may all be wearing diapers when I left in hand cuffs.
In these instances I have always contacted the teacher in question directly and through email for documentation. I’d like to know why in this particular instance he wasn’t allowed to use the restroom. Unless kids are habitual bathroom users,going every period or everyday during that particular period,there should be no reason for him to be denied bathroom use.
Yes I would do more then call. I would be going up there. My son had a issue like this his 1st semester (he is 16). He asked and the teacher told him he had to wait and he told her he couldn’t. So he asked again and she still said no he had to wait. Well I have always told my son if he really has to go and somebody tells you no u get up and go anyway. So he did. He didn’t really get in trouble for it she just told him he shouldn’t have done that. But he has a friend right now that was refused the bathroom and now that boy has serious problems and has been in and out of the E.R. with these problems. The way I see it they will not be the one paying the medical bills if that happens. So, to prevent my son having the problems this boy is having to go through. He is told if he has to go get up and go. I will tend to the school.
Similar incident occurred with my sister in law who had issues with her kidneys. She asked her teacher if she could go to the bathroom repeatedly and the teacher kept saying no…finally she asked one more time…still denied…she went in front of the class and in front of her teacher she peed saying" I told you I had to go."…she then walked out of class never to return…this happened almost 50 years ago…when you gotta go a teacher or anybody shouldn’t deny aomeone that right. If they’re concerned about monkey business have someone else check to make sure everything’s okay…
I would call school and visit with teacher involved. If after that conversation is over and you still do not feel like the school/teacher is going to handle better in future, then you request a meeting with the teacher and principle and include your spouse if possible. If after that meeting if you still do not feel like any satisfaction is being completed, then request a meeting with teacher, principle, school board and an attorney for your son be setup. If then no satisfaction is still a no, visit with your attorney and based on their discretion go ahead and file a law suite. The point I’m trying to make after all this is, parents sometimes have to look after their kids best interest because just because the school does not feel like they are in the wrong, that’s why we have the justice system we can always fall back on. Hope this helps. If you believe the situation is in the wrong for your student, by all means continue pushing upward untill the issue gets resolved or a legal judgment is rendered. Hope this helps you. Sorry it is so long.
I would call the school and find And out if what he said is the same as hers and if it is I would be pissed about it. I always had to just leave and go growing up some kids just can’t hold it as long as others and the teachers don’t care. If she continues get a drs note saying he has an overactive bladder and has to go when asked she has no choice but to let him go or she will be in trouble
13 year olds have recess?
When you make a choice, you have to own the consequences of that choice. He can serve the detention and next time he can make use of the facilities before he goes to the classroom.
- in my school we are NEVER allowed to remove recess as a punishment. If we had a kid who was unsafe at recess that would be an entirely different matter, but never as a punishment. 2) if a kid had to miss recess for ANY reason (i.e. asthma concerns on a bad air day) they are always allowed to use the bathroom if they need too. This is cruel