Should I cut ties with my boyfriends family because my daughter and I were not added to his grandpas obituary?

Cut ties with them! That’s so wrong! I would not take her around them anymore! :rage:

If it’s an on going thing than cut ties but if it’s just once let it go. I know how you feel; when my husband’s brother passed away a was never asked to sit with the family (I was pregnant at the time.) It hurts but don’t be bitter about it.

Not your family, or his child. I’m actually confused on why she felt they would be included. Just because people feel like family doesn’t make them family.

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Wait a second you’ve been together 4 months, you’re not engaged, or married so no you shouldn’t be included and it doesn’t take away from the relationship she had from him either. I understand your hurt and if it becomes a regular thing then yes reassess your position but no you have no position here I’m sorry

Sometimes people are not sure if they should. I ezcluded s9meone when my brother passed andni.explained i wasnt sure what way to go so i i didnt add them and i appoligized. Alot goes on and when not sure . Sometimes funeral director leans one way or another when helpingnthe family. Just express hownit made u feel and let ot bee …

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Is there more to it? Like actual drama between you and his family though? Surely this wouldn’t have been out if the blue?

Na. Fuck that and fuck them too. Thats cold and calculated and you owe NOBODY access to your child if they are gonna treat her like that. Toxic is toxic.

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My question is why isn’t your boyfriend saying anything about it to his family? Why is he okay with it? If he doesn’t have the backbone to stand up to his family for what’s right and decent then perhaps you need to cut ties with him as well.

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It’s not his granddaughter :woman_shrugging:t3:

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Walk away from it. Your daughter won’t be aware of it… They are the ones who are in the wrong. Rise above it. Don’t even mention it. Be the bigger person… After all you don’t want to cause a rift x anger will make you say and do things you don’t mean.

There’s worse things in this world to be upset about and this sweetheart is NOT one of them !! SMH

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Umm effff them. They want to ommit you, make them work to repair it.

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like Nicole Dell said…I would just assume that it was an oversight and let it go. All of my children were adopted by us…several times my in laws would comment that they weren’t their blood grandchildren…I just let them know how I felt and left it there…if they choose to continue on that way then they are missing out on someone loving and awesome…otherwise they can just accept and know that love doesn’t have to be genetic !

No. Yall aren’t officially family. Cutting ties as u put it, will only cause ur boyfriend problems and affect ur relationship.

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I can relate a little to this. My dad’s wife told my kids that they weren’t her grandkids.

There really isn’t enough info to go on. There are two sides to every story and of course the OP is going to tell hers to fit her more. If they included all the other girlfriends, were the other girlfriends kids bio grandchildren? Or did you do something to piss them off? Start some kind of drama? There is no logical reason why they would include all the other girlfriends and not you unless there was a reason on some level. Also, why do you care if you are in an obituary? Your daughter isn’t old enough to understand and likely will never remember him, and if they just lost their grandfather who has been in their lives their entire lives, where you have only been dating a family member for roughly three years, then this occasion should absolutely not be about you at all. It’s actually kind of narcissistic that you’d be worried enough about this to bring it to a public forum for reassurance. Let the people mourn their family member in peace. As someone who just lost a close family member, I’d be pissed if the girlfriend made a stink about not being included in a death announcement while the rest of us are so heavily mourning we can barely function. Grow up.

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The obit can be changed easily w a call. I’m sorry this happened to you hon. Maybe just ask if they forgot and they’ll prob apologize and add it in?

No you shouldn’t cut ties. Some people only put direct family…

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It was obviously done on purpose…

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Pretty sure… YOU feel this way… Not you’re daughter…
If she loved him… Leave it at that.
Remind her of the memories they had. And that’s it. Please do not instill no bad thoughts or feelings into her…
Why look for drama? Other than selfishness…
Let it go.

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Losing a loved one is difficult. I don’t think it’s necessary to go stir up drama with the rest of the family.
Remember him your way and keep the peace.
Try your best to forgive and forget so not to have turn into resentment with your boyfriend or it’ll cause problems.

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If you let your daughter see you upset about the situation then she’s going to be. She loves him whether her name was added or not and that’s all that matters. If you feel that way about his family then why care if your and your daughter’s name is in it. I understand why you feel the way you do but the longer you hold on to that negative feeling the longer your going to suffer from it. Just let it go. And just keep it in the back of your mind and watch how your daughter is treated. If she is physically treated different when around family that’s different but to throw a whole family away over your names not being printed is EXTREME!

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You don’t want to be miserable with someone because of their family. However, if they treat yall well, it’s a different story.

Every one is grieving and while it must be very upsetting at 4 ur daughter won’t understand or care. If ur hurt talk to ur boyfriend it could very well have been an accidental oversight by someone and not ment to hurt u. Now isn’t the time to cause problems in the family.

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I have a friend that only got 1 mention at his funeral all the others got mentioned left right an centre but rise above it not everyone thinks straight when a loved one is passed plant a flower in his memory in the garden and she can sit an tall like shes chatting to him

Rise above it write your own that will teach them

That was definitely not fair of them to do. If they included one they should have included all. That being said, it’s a reflection of them, not her Grandpa and not your boyfriend. That was a decision someone else made. I get that it hurts but let it go. If you don’t want anything to do with the family he has left then don’t. But don’t punish your boyfriend or hold on to something that happened over a death. Life is too short for that. If this were me, I’d be hurt and I’d keep my distance from the family for a while. Other than that, focus on helping your little girl greive and move on and don’t worry about the decisions of others.

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No, that’s ridiculous!

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Say something ! I would cause all the ways humans can act and they choose to leave you out of that? Family’s are weird some are just horrible

It was his day, not yours.

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And it’s going to always be that way.

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It’s a card written In grief I wouldn’t read anything into it.

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A get it must hurt if it’s really bothering you why don’t you speak up mention it to your boyfriend tell him how it made you feel

Walk away …while she is young. Apparently his family doesn’t feel the same about her as u thought. My daughter’s father looked my daughter in the eye’s and told her she was the biggest mistake he has ever made. She know’s nothing of his family and vise versa mind u she is 11 now this happened at 8 yrs old. My advise is u know where he stands , walk while she is young

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Stop looking for a sense of belonging where you dont belong.

When you die ensure that your boyfriend and his entire family don’t have their names on your obituary.

I don’t think there’s any revenge that will be sweeter than that one I just gave you👆 there.

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Old school families might not include those not blood, married, or adopted. It’s not the end of the world. If this gentleman treated you as family, you are family. Don’t get caught up on a piece of paper. If you don’t emphasize the issue, your child won’t know or notice.

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You’re being too dramatic right now. I don’t know why they even included other girlfriends… it’s usually reserved for blood relatives or married into the family which you and your daughter are neither.

Comfort your daughter and have a healthy relationship with your boyfriend.

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My dad’s stepdad raised him and when my grandpa died my grandma forgot to mention my dad he had raised in the obituary. She didn’t mean to forget him. At a time of death everyone is filled with alot of emotion. It doesn’t take anything away from the love they shared. So I don’t think it takes away from your daughter either. Nothing changes their relationship.

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Let it drop. You know that he loved your daughter and that should be enough.

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I think it is weird that they include girlfriend’s or girlfriend’s children in an obituary at all, unless they have biological children with the girlfriends. However, since they did include the others, they should have included you and your daughter as well. I would not cut ties with them unless you want to cut ties with your boyfriend too, unless they’re truly awful to you, but that’s his family and it’s putting him in the middle.

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Shouldn’t the gift of being the “only grandpa she’s over known” be enough? Might try the same kind of acceptance your good man has of your daughter toward his side of the family.

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Let the hurt feelings go. You know your daughter was loved. My stepmother cut me out of my father’s funeral and drove a wedge between me and my half siblings. It still hurts to be treated like that, especially at a funeral. But I know my father loved me. Let your daughter remember the love and not the slight.

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Grief is a weird thing. They may have over looked you unintentionally. My MIL asked me how many grandkids she had and I made a list. I still forgot a few amd ive been part of this family for 20 years!

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Put your own memorial/obituary in the paper and make it from your bf, you and your daughter. In Loving Memory of Poppy. Put it in a frame with a photo of Poppy and her together.

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You have a wonderful man who loves your child. Let this go.

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If your man is a great guy let it go. When I was with my ex my son got a Christmas card from his side of the family. No name just a ? Mark. He was a good man so I just ignored that part of the family

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Don’t worry so much about that family…You remember Grampa and own that with your daughter…if he genuinely cared for your daughter he wouldn’t want you thinking otherwise…Things will change in time for better for worse but your boyfriend’s family may like you at some point. I was struggling by myself with my two boys and all three of us were treated badly too. My sons are middled aged very successful solid guys married good girl wives nobody’s perfect but better than the families who pushed us away…You will have mobs of good people around you soon. Your problems sound like my old ones…

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You say he loves your daughter; but sometimes love is not enough.

How do they treat her and you on a regular basis? If this is typical then why have you been around them? If not, chalk it up to them grieving.

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It is very simple, have you thought of that there maybe someone in his family who did not wanted it?. Maybe to keep peace, he let it happen? What is more important, how he treats you and your daughter or how his family treats you. He lost his granddad, who was fond of your daughter, you can choose to support him and continue. Where any of gtandkids not their blood? People tend to mention their blood and if you mention the kids you mention the other parent. My advice drop it, if you are happy with him. Do not judge his family for this.

Unless it’s your own obituary your being left out of don’t take it personally. It isn’t your place. People are left out for all sorts of reasons, for one it’s expensive as hell to publish.

My father just passed away, and the people that came forward because they weren’t included is just showing the type of people they are as a person making the death of a loved one about themselves. An obituary doesn’t equal love of a person, especially since it more than likely wasn’t written by them.

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You are not married. Blood relatives and legitimate spouses. I have never seen girlfriend or child mother added to an obituary. Gain a better title then complain, not like it’s a decade or more you all together.

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I’m just going to say a few things. None of which im saying in a judgemental tone.
1-adding any gf/boyfriends is not a thing. But if it was something they were doing you shouldn’t have been left out. Thats rude.
2. You are mourning someone you’ve known 4 years, they are mourning someone who was always apart of their life. Sometimes death makes people do strange things. I wouldn’t use this opportunity to drive a wedge. If they are shitty towards you, under different circumstances, than that would be the time to get upset.
3. Because your name and your child’s name wasn’t in the obituary doesnt take precedence over the relationship he formed with either of you. That is ultimately what matters. Not the piece of paper.
4. I’m so sorry for your loss.:heart:

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if you and your boyfriend still love each other don’t pay other family member any mind, its their loss don’t make it yours or your daughter, keep your good memories and move on, hate does not help hate

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It was the family’s decision to make. Now if they treat your child like a reject to your face you should have been nipped that ish in the bud. You don’t stay anywhere you or your child isn’t welcome. If your bf didn’t have anything to say about it there’s your answer.

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Death is stressful. If they have a larger family it may have simply been overlooked. Just take a breath, comfort your daughter on someone she loved and lost.

I can’t even count how many times my aunts went over my grandparents obituary. They had 10 kids and 38 grand kids. All of us are married and kids. If you aren’t looking at faces a name can get missed.

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Sounds like you’re ok with letting your daughter suffer by losing her “daddy” because of this. You are making this her problem add well.

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You dont need to be on the obituary to mourn…

I agree with the comment “it’s only a problem if you make it one”

Cuz at the end of the day… this is petty… they’re mourning… your daughter is mourning… let that bring you all together… dont feud with them over something stupid and put your relationship under strain for a bunch of writing…

Its pen and paper… doesnt stop you feeling with heart and soul

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Kindness on your part is the better way to go … usually only one person writes and summits said copy to the paper … I personally have never regretted taking the kinder route …

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U knw the truth that you’re not his Wife if you’ve known him since your daughter was four months old why din u guys got married ?

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Don’t spoil your child’s life because you feel put out about not being mentioned. I would say something to your partner but it seems he’s being a good Dad and she feels secure with him this doesn’t need a knee jerk reaction you need to think it through. Why not try to have a work with one of his family about it next time you see them

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I would probably ask the person who was in charge of writing up the obituary, to maybe explain to your daughter why she wasn’t included/added in the list of family?! Maybe there was a typo. I’m sure there’s an explanation. Good luck🙏🏼

What does your boyfriend have to say about all this does he even care

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Yes its could be a mess up, death is a difficult thing most people aren’t thinking straight.

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Could have been an oversight. It’s an emotional stressful time for a lot of people. Don’t assume the worst, especially if you have never been in charge of all the details of planning a funeral yourself before to know how stressful it can be and how easy it is to make a small
Mistake like this. Likely they meant no harm.

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It’s an acknowledgement I guess it hurts that you both weren’t mentioned but you know that he loved her and that’s that. Move on, be happy, dont let it get you down.

I know your upset, more for your daughter than yourself but maybe ask your boyfriend to ask why first, maybe its an oversight? Also is it to late to do your and yr daughter’s own personal obituary contribution?

No! You should just forgive and move on! Grandpa wouldn’t want you making his grandson to have to deal with all the drama that you would create.

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Why don’t you ask your mother in law why you weren’t included, someone could have just forgotten and didn’t intend to be malicious…

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It is up to your boyfriend to stick up for you and the child that he treats like his own

It’s not that big of a deal the family had a choice and they choose not to after all it’s not his daughter and you are not married

His daughter should have been included. But you are not family. Why are you still in this relationship? He doesn’t seem to give a darn about you or your feelings.

Was it intentional? Did they really snub you? Have you talked to them about this?

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Keep you chin up I was married 25 years and excluded from my mother in laws obituary

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Should you let them carry on even if you you feel you’re daughter isn’t mattered by them? I think not and also have a conversation as to why you feel like that

its only a problem if you make it one…

You crazy sorry but thenkid is not really his not last name anything why would they add her or you

Are there dysfunctionals in the family over there. Meaning Psychopaths or sociopaths. Google the definition. If it fits then why are you surprised? They will never change. But dont let that affect Grandpas memory to your girl. She loves him. Keep that always positive. What’s between you and the sociopaths/psychopaths and you is between adults. No, they will never change. They were born that way.

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Talk to the other family and tell them how hurt your child feels It may have been an honest mistake and give them a chance to make up for it.

Maybe you should have put a seperate notice in the paper yourselves!

Your hubby should have spoken to family to include you

No. Your question asks about “I”. Your answer will always be NO

If it’s been repeated and addressed before don’t expect change.

When my mom died, I didn’t have a pre prepared write up and just put down what I could remember. My BIL (sis’s 4th husband) had grown children we’d never met. I forgot to include them and they got mad. It was an oversight, nothing intentional. I know you said your little one was close to him, but the person writing out the obit–may just not have thought of it. Perhaps your BF has had a frequent relationship turn over (just a thought) . . . . In the meantime, don’t sweat the small stuff. If something this minor is enough to sever a relationship, then I’d examine my relationship. Is your relationship with your BF or with his family?

You are not married to him let it go

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He is ONLY your BOYFRIEND!!!

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Just let it go. Things may change. Could have been forgotten by family. It foes happen

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Their is a death in the Family… give them a break for heavens sake stop being selfish :roll_eyes:. It is not about you

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Be the bigger person and just let it go. It’s a piece of paper at the end of the day, cherish the time you had with him in your memories. Not the time to be picking fights and dishonoring the man.

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Let it go. This is their drama not yours… what they think of you is not your business. Head high.!!! You are smarter than them all!

YOU control your thoughts and feelings, that’s a human right. She’s 4, Her Grandpa will always love her, don’t feed into a system of negativity. The important piece of the story is your daughter, her future, her feelings about it all - her personality, her self - she is being created day by day :heart:

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Has nobody read the post?
If they added the other children’s girlfriends, and not her, it’s pretty obvious it’s not just cause she isnt family…

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He loved her and she loved him that is all that matters. If your boyfriend loves her and you that is all that matters you cannot control what other people do.

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Could’ve been an accident…just ask…

Walk away it will never change . I know from experience.

This is such a non-issue.

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It very well could have been an oversight. Getting all the details together for a funeral is a nightmare, when you’re at your worst… If that family has shown y’all love, don’t take an oversight too personally. Your daughter is too young to even notice. These things really don’t matter when there love in the family. Just forgive it, and move on :slightly_smiling_face:

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It’s not actually about you, or your daughter. I know its a hard pill to swallow, but you’re actually not family until marriage. Your daughter is too young to understand, so really it’s your selfishness that is causing this. If you love your boyfriend, suck it up and be there for him. Even in actual family members, people get missed out during times of mourning.

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Let it go, he has been there for her this whole time.

Poppy was good to her was it just the obituary where she was treated like she doesn’t matter what is the rest of the family always treat her badly? Cuz nothing else is mentioned except for the obituary and obituary is nothing