I just don’t think it’s ever a good idea to totally cut family ties no matter what’s been said or done. I’ve experienced it and it is so destructive.
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Fade out n away…the signs are all there…save yourself grief…shes small n she will move on keep her n yourself busy…its not to say forget…but best not to regret…keep yourself n child safe n happy…best of luck.⚘
Use wisemind. Your two choices (cut off a whole family OR let them ignore your child) sounds like black and white thinking.
Use distress tolerance skills
Use interpersonal relationships skills
Use Wisemind
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It could be an honest mistake. I think it’s weird to add gf to the obituary unless maybe it’s a fiance. I don’t know what else is going on. This alone is petty.
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Boyfriend… You’re not family… and you’re petty. Grow up.
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Was she blood related for some family it matter
Technically you’re not family & they didn’t feel the need to add you or your daughter to his Grandpa’s program.
Get married then you would be legit!
Keep your baby away from these toxic folks…
NO… you aren’t married…
Ask them why and go from there
In a difficut emotionally draining time mistakes are made I would bring it up with your boyfriend if you havn’t already
Ask ur Boyfriend wth?
This is where you made a mistake, asking facebook.
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My ex’s family did this to me and my children at his mother’s funeral. Even Family friends were included in a special little procession of which all the children were given a flower(of a certain color) to place on her casket at the end of ceremony and a helium balloon to release after that- My 2 children (her grandchildren were not allowed to partake. I think it’s disgusting and hateful but I don’t hold a grudge. They showed at least 200 people how disgusting they are. My exhusband proved how little he cared to support his wife and children. At the end of the day, We displayed nothing less than decency. We offered our support/respect and paid our condolences. I’m proud to say I’m glad we conducted ourselves the way that we did AND that they are ex family 
For one he is your boyfriend and for 2 it not his daughter.
Girls friends don’t belong in obituary not blood
Absolutely Petty.
Try and grow up.
Why do you want to be where you’re not welcome.
Stay away.
You don’t have to love everybody and neither do they.
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Its not a situation where you make they day about you. Its about mourning and not being selfish I wouldn’t make yourself the highlight of that day now.
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I would be more upset if was the wife, not the girlfriend, whose husband had adopted my children, instead of the non committed relationship y’all have going. Just tbh. The obituaries charge by the letter and the family may have thought blood relations only. There were probably many wayward children your child’s beloved adopted grandfather may bonded with over the years. They all weren’t mentioned. It doesn’t make your bond any less important. Grieve, and don’t take this personally
You can’t wash your hands of family although you can distance yourself. Just block them on social media if you can’t see the scrutinizing they will have to find other means of doing it. If your man loves you he’ll defend you all the way otherwise lose that fucker.
Ask the person that filled out the obituary directly, maybe they had a specific reason for not adding you.
Why should you be mad at the whole family?
Sounds like there was lots of girlfriends and kids and kids of girlfriends and…
Maybe it was unintentional.
My Bitch of a Step-Mom didn’t even list all of my Father’s Biological kids on his obituary.
Some people are just jealous and ugly like that.
You’re a girlfriend not a wife. Why would you be listed?
Why making an issue over it?
Screw his family. How does he treat her? How do the rest of the family treat her? These things matter. Not some obituary
You are a girlfriend not his wife. So get over it. Grow up.
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I’m sure they just overlooked it, trust me these things hit ya like a brick wall I’m speaking from experiance iv lost 2 brothers
The day is not about you.
Shit yo ass down somewhere that’s that man family, damn.
Tell him what you just told us.
Stfu and stop being selfish!!! You just said @she loved her “grandpa”. That’s the only one she knew.” Then said “they treating her like she doesn’t matter “… how, just because of a obituary??? Get over yourself 
… the family grieving…
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Good God. Grow up. Grow a set.
Try getting married !
My Bitch of a sister in law texted us our brother had died in 10 words or less, never gave us info on the service, had it and then proceeded to throw his stuff out- including family pics his kids wanted returned.
Let it go. A death in the family is a very hard thing to deal wit. Don’t be that person that makes it about them over some petty shit:man_shrugging:t3:
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Your boyfriends grandpas obituary, and you wanted yourself and your daughter mentioned? They should cut ties with you cause you’re nuts. How self centered are you?
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Shake it off darlin. Yeah it hurts but why take away a family your daughter has known and is loved by all her life? Talk to your boyfriend about it . Its better to get the hurt out then let it fester.
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Well like the old saying gos, " we can’t pick our family members". Don’t give up on your relationship because of other people’s ignorance. Believe me you’ll look back on this one day and laugh. Stay strong hold it together. Teach your daughter kindness respect and forgiveness. Our world is so full of hate dont pass it on. Rise above the rest with a bit of class continue to love your boyfriend. Dont let them win by bowing down to their level. You got this! 
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just let him knw in a good sense so you can have some peace with regardless let’s just get your feelings and emotions out the way . Keep Love in Your Heart It Will Comfort All . Let Go Let God Handle It Ok ijs
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It’s something your bf should discuss with his family if it’s upset him. It is his family and if he’s been a father to your daughter for 4 years then it’s more disrespectful to him than you or your daughter. Follow his lead on how to handle it. If he’s not upset by it then, I think you should let it go.
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Dropping the family over this would only hurt your daughter. It could have been an innocent mistake by people who were also grieving and not necessarily in the best frame of mind. I was a mess when my parents passed, and I know there were people I forgot to notify, get thank you notes to, acknowledge, etc. I hope they understand and don’t hold it against me.
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So your daughter knows this man has daddy. He has been around for four years. If you wash your hands of his family is he walking with you? Are you going to separate your daughter from the only father she’s known over not having your guys name on the obituary? Seems really selfish to me for you to want to do that. It’s fine that you and your daughter aren’t on there, that’s not what is important. It sounds like you’re the only one upset over the paper and others are upset about the death (understandably). I would put my big girl pants on a look past it. Family has gone through enough and if you consider them your family as well you shouldn’t want to put more heartache on them by trying to split them apart over having your guys name on a piece of paper. Your little girl won’t remember that paper but what she will remember is the person she called grandpa and daddy and how they’re suddenly not around anymore. It’ll break her heart further and do more damage then good. Let it go
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You’ve been together for years, marital status means nothing to your daughter. I wouldn’t cut ties over this one incident, but if they are repeatedly excluding your daughter, talk to them, or even have your boyfriend talk to them. I can tell you from experience that if your daughter is constantly being excluded, she will eventually catch on to it and it can effect her mentally. She doesn’t know blood from non, she only knows family. If they are otherwise good to your daughter, let this one go. My husband and I have cut ties with his family mainly over the fact that our kids started to notice that they were treated differently. My husband adopted our kids last year after being in their lives for 7 years.
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Sweetie when grieving people set up a funeral for a family member they are grieving and not thinking straight. If you have been treated as part of the family until this point, take this with a grain of salt and be there to support your baby. My younger brother passed in March 2020 and when my Mom did the announcement/obituary she forgot to add my older brother, his wife and their children/grandchildren. It wasn’t meant as a slight against them as my oldest brother is my mom’s former stepson who she loves very much but she was so distraught she simply wasn’t thinking. If you are truly part of their family it’s in how they treat you and your daughter daily not how they list or don’t list you on a piece of paper.
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I wasnt on my boyfriends grandmas obituary. Because im not a surviving relative. If you are so insecure that you’d leave a relationship because your name was not in the paper…he’s better off without you
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Have you asked anybody in the family about it. Communication is the best way to find out things. If they have an issue, maybe you can work through it together and fix it. And remind your daughter that her name not being on that card doesn’t define the love her poppy had for her.
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Maybe I am not petty enough, but who cares if her name or yours wasn’t added? Does adding her name make people more aware that he loved her? You would rather cut ties with a family that your daughter has only known to be good to her bc y’all name wasn’t added on a piece of paper seem to me you need to re-evaluate things. Trust me when I say silly stuff like this is what messes up a child grown ups being childish.
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Well, the way I understand it, she was not biologically related and is therefore not technically one of those he was “survived by.” Personally, when we were writing my father’s obituary, we inadvertently left his stepchildren off. It was not intentional nor in any way meant they didn’t matter, it was an oversight in a very stressful and trying time.
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I work in a funeral home. I sit in as families do obituaries. I have seen people accidentally leave out biological children, brothers and sisters. Most of the time it’s not on purpose. Sometimes it’s simply because they can’t remember a last name or don’t know if this person or that person would want to be named in the obit or just because they are devastated. I wouldn’t read too much into it if I were you because if they didn’t do it maliciously, when they realize they left you out they will feel bad enough about it. If they did do it maliciously… then I would guess there is already a strained relationship there and in that case you shouldn’t say anything because that would just give them what they were trying to accomplish. So no… don’t mention it…
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I think cutting ties of a family you said your daughter only knows as family is a little over dramatic , UNLESS it’s happened since she’s been 4 months. And if that’s the case , why does this particular occurrence bother you and none of the others have? But if this is a ONE time occurrence and hasn’t happened any other time , I would express your feelings to your boyfriend and get his feeling’s on it and if agreed then after the grieving you could or you both could simply speak to the family. Like some other people said , Your daughter is 4. She could care less about a piece of paper when she will always have the memories and the love they shared.
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I was going to say if you’re not married that might be why but I see they added other girlfriends/boyfriends to it.
Bummer that happened to you. From reading this alone there doesn’t seem to be a good enough reason behind not adding you two. 
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Why do you need to be In the obituary? If she loved him and he loved her should be enough. Don’t go looking for trouble.
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It’s because you aren’t related. If you guys were married or if she was his biological child then you’d be in it. Sounds like you’re making this about yourself.
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I don’t get it. You wanted to be recognized for what? The obituary was about his grandfather. What do you gain by being mentioned? Are you and your child accepted by the family? If so don’t look for stuff to be mad about. The family is dealing with enough losing their patriarch. Hurt feelings over missing names won’t go over to well right now
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I would help your child thru her grief. She is to young to know her name was or wasn’t in tbe obit. My daughter had her own little rememberemce with us fro grandpa and launched a balloon in his honor she also picked something special to leave at his grave and wrote him a letter. These things were so much more important to her at tbe age of 5 then to be in tbe obit. This will help her and you with the grieving process and set an example for the family
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Your daughter is only four. She has no idea about a remembrance card. I would let it go and just help your daughter through it. You know what he meant to you and your daughter, that is all that matters.
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That was wrong of them to not include you and your daughter, I would e very upset also, my MIL talked crap about my girls when I started seeing my husband, hell the whole family don’t like me, but I quit going around them, my husband stuck by me, so from what I read they treat you daughter like crap all the time, does your BF stand by your side thru this? if he don’t I would pack up and leave, if he does then just don’t go around the ones that treat you like crap, I have been with my husband for 21 yrs. I have been to there house maybe 10 times, if all is well with the 3 of you just try and make the best of it, unless he quits sticking by you, good luck.
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My grandma had a newspaper article written about her in our small town newspaper when she was made employee of the year. Her two sons were mentioned but my late mother and I weren’t (she raised me from infancy so she was technically my mom). It hurt and still does and we were blood. I’d mention it in passing but if the other girlfriends mentioned had bio children it might have been their reasoning. It also just could be an over site.
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Do you love your boyfriend? Does he love you and your daughter? These are the only questions you should ask yourself. It does not matter what his family did or does. It is unfortunate, that they are treating badly… it is a reflection on them not you. You cannot change people. Sad but true…
So focus on what you do have and forget them… if he is influenced by them … well that is sad if not no worries.
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No, you really don’t have an argument. You’re not married. Your child is not your boyfriends biological child. Just be happy your child had 4 years with a loving grandpa in her life. While it would have been nice had they included you, or your daughter, in the obituary, they were under no obligation to do so. I think you’re being petty to be annoyed at not being mentioned in an obituary. Let it go.
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Should I wash my hands of this family? Or continue to let my child be treated like she doesn’t matter? I want to just tell them all off and leave because of it’s been one thing after another. Advice, please. I think these lines are the clincher to say that no one can advise you because it seems there are unanswered questions as to what’s been going on between the family members. There’s more to the relationships in this family unit to address it properly.
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I would be upset too. I don’t think you should cut ties about this. You have to remember, as much as you and yours daughter loved him, their family is grieving hard right now I’m sure. Obituaries get written so fast after a person’s passing, I probably wouldn’t be able to think straight enough to be able to do one. Maybe they weren’t meaning for it to not include you, but maybe their family is sooo big that it’s tough to think of everyone in his life and it must be stressful worrying if they missed anyone. Maybe it got sooo long after listing everyone and it was just too much, having to leave others out too that you aren’t aware of? Of course you know your relationship with the family, try to be mindful that this is very weird and new and hard for them and it’s gonna take time for things to go back to normal. Send your condolences, and sit back and use your judgement to see what the future holds with them. If your daughter loved him so much and was very close to the family, I would keep going to things if invited. Death is stressful and different for everyone. If you feel they really don’t care about your daughter then of course, stay away. Good luck 
sorry for your loss 
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When my son passed at 27, I forgot to include his paternal grandparents in the obituary. They hadn’t been involved in his life for many years and I was a hot mess when I gave the funeral home the information. I didn’t even realize they were omitted until several weeks after the funeral. It was not intentional. You have to give grieving people a lot of Grace.
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Sounds like you’re being extra extra. What’s written on paper doesn’t really matter, the actual physical relationship does. She would have never known, being 4 years old, what was written in the obit unless you told her. Keep your feelings to yourself and continue to remind her of the great memories that you have.
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So if I’m tracking, the other girlfriends and great-grandchildren were included, but this girlfriend and non-biological child of the grandson/boyfriend were not? She doesn’t specify whether those other children are in the biological line or not.
I’m sure the departed did love your daughter, but you are in very grey territory of family/friends to be included in an obituary, certainly not a hill to die on, pardon the unintentional pun, it’s just the best phrase for this situation.
Nobody is saying you can’t pay your respects and treasure the memories and love you had for this special man, but it would be unseemly to make a fuss about this when others are likely grieving as well.
And have a conversation with your boyfriend about what the real issue is… you want to be married and considered a legitimate family member with respect due to you as a wife. Valid feeling, but that is between you and him, not you and his family. Also maybe don’t bring it up juuuuuust yet, but that’s what the real issue is. Best wishes to you for the grace to handle this situation with dignity.
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I would question if it would be worth ripping your kid away from the family she knows over it. I can understand the hurt this is to you on your daughter’s account. But if you rip her and yourself away from your boyfriend’s family, it will likely create a wedge between you and your boyfriend, too, if not now, at some point. Are you planning to marry your boyfriend? If yes, I definitely advise you to try to keep the peace. If you’re planning on leaving anyway, then it will have the same effect and you don’t have to make it be over the obituary.
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My name and my children’s names weren’t included when my husband’s grandpa died. And his family loves us. In fact the last photo of grandpa alive was taken WITH my son. Does the family treat you like you are a part of the family any other time? One instance of hurt feelings should NOT cause you to tell them off. You need to talk it over with your boyfriend and see if he would even stick up for you
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My dad just passed away and in the original obituary my boyfriend of 20 years was not included. Written by my brother. I texted my sister the next day and said he should be included because he has been part of the family for almost 20 years and was a big part of the reason my Dad was able to stay in a house he probably shouldn’t still be in because he fixed and helped with a lot of things. They agreed. Your boyfriend should have stood up for you
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that is very sad , but maybe just say a prayer for them and let it go . as IM sure the grampa wouldnt people fighting .
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He is your “boyfriend” you’re not related why would they add your name? Let it go. They are grieving as is your daughter. In the grand scheme of things I’m sure you can find something else to worry about.
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They could have been just an oversight at a time when you’re grieving I know because when I did my Dad’s obituary I had to go back and correct it because someone pointed out I forgot my son’s fiance it wasn’t purposely done or to be hurtful anyone it’s just when they went down to family listing I was grieving and in afog and just went down the list from my brother down to me and my children and I forgot my son’s fiance and my daughter’s fiance . thank God someone caught it and alerted me to it when it was posted online I called the funeral home and had it corrected
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It could have been an honest mistake because sometimes there are so many peoples names to remember to add and a death is not a time when you’re thinking so clearly
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There is such a lack of info in these posts that I don’t feel it is right for anyone to offer advice.
We have zero knowledge of her actual relationship with the boyfriend and/or anyone else in his family; just that Grandpa was close to the kid. Well anyone with a smidge of decency would treat a child well, regardless of how they felt about the parent. For all we know, the entire family dislikes the girlfriend, or the girlfriend has created problems on numerous occasions, etc. Maybe their relationship is never really stable.
Also, she mentions her boyfriend’s “other children”… Not trying to be rude whatsoever, but perhaps this boyfriend has multiple kids with multiple other women, and the family just didn’t feel THIS particular woman would be around long term either. 
It isn’t fair to provide feedback on a situation with so many holes in the story.
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Not married, not blood related, no inclusion in obit. Sorry, that isn’t how it works.
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Let it go. Writing obituaries is stressful. The last one I wrote, I forgot to include my name as his sister-in-law and my stepson. The relationship was and is strong so assume it wasn’t meant to be hurtful.
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I would talk to your boyfriend and get his take on it, he should raise it with the rest of the family are you accepted to family gatherings etc. I think the fact that you are asking strangers on here says a lot, you already know this man is not committed to you.
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Make your own remembrance card, just for her with his picture on it.
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That’s the way families are. Maybe not all but believe me most. I’ve been in my husband’s life for 29 years and my kids have never been accepted much less included. But yet they still included his ex and her sons in the family. I know it hurts 
but really what would come of it. To me is “What goes around comes around”. Til this day my children and I have never felt welcomed but in turn I can say my husband is here for us first. Good Luck…
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If you and your boyfriend have a loving relationship I wouldn’t cut ties with his family. Ignore their ignorance and show them that you are a better person then them. Forgiveness is better then harboring resentment towards them. You know in your heart the grandfather who passed loved your daughter. That’s the most important thing.
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I think that’s a little over dramatic. When my ex husbands grandfather passed we were not included. He had been in my daughters life since she was almost a year, she called him daddy and we were engaged. But we were not included because like it or not we were not blood related and were not actually in the family yet. I didn’t expect us to be included and the same should go for you. Yeah, it may hurt a little but the fact still remains that neither of you are blood and you are not married so you are not “in” the family yet.
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Stay positive and just Go with the flow. Life is hard and it will continue to be part of your journey. It’s all in your response…
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I’m sorry that you and your daughter were hurt by it . However, I’d not be listing boyfriends/girlfriends of family members either…wouldn’t mean I didn’t like them or love them or they didn’t matter but to me the obituary is technically for family. Generations and generations after are going to look at that to see the family tree and to me I don’t think there is a place for people who aren’t legally married…even if the marriage doesn’t last there was at some point a legal document showing that there was a marriage. I’d also say that during this time in a family it might have just been an oversight by grieving people. I guess I’d go more by how they treated me during regular times than during a time of grief.
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Your daughter is growing in her step-daddy’s heart. The child isn’t biologically his so I can see why the child wasn’t mentioned in the obituary. Some people are weird about birth parenting. I wouldn’t put too much thought or feelings into it. It isn’t against you personally. I certainly wouldn’t throw a wall between the family and your child.
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I understand why you’re hurt, they were wrong to omit you and your daughter if all other partners/children were mentioned. That said, cutting ties with the only family that cares about your child, and creating a divide between your boyfriend and his family is a shitty, extremely selfish thing to do.
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Let him handle his people. Don’t ever make him choose between you and your child and his family. Tell him your concerns and then let him handle it. I have been married for almost 30 years and I handle my family and he handles his.
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It is up to your boyfriend to address the concern of your daughter not being in the obituary. I would not cut ties with family unless there was other incidents of her being treated differently.
Do they accept you and your daughter otherwise? If they do, maybe it was an oversite, if they don’t, an obituary is the least of your problems.
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See who actually wrote the obituary…my son was left off, but it was written by a person who was in complete grief and didn’t think the whole thing through. So another family member realized and created a whole new obituary and added my son. I don’t think it was intentional with our situation. Probably if you asked around other family members are probably just as shocked and upset. Communication is the best way to solve this. Let them know it hurt you and hopefully they are apologetic.
Well sound like they don’t respect you as his lady but since he never adopted your daughter what’s the big deal does the other kids carry the family name also i guess your boyfriend should have been asking that question I’m all most sure they probably asked him so maybe he choice not to put her name in there sad but true fact
I think you are over reacting and you are acting so entitled. First of all you mentioned your boyfriend isn’t your daughter’s dad. Maybe they are just being realistic. Don’t be jealous with other girlfriends and their children being added because maybe, just maybe, they are his grandkids’ biological children. I know you got hurt and a little insulted but if they are treating you well and you don’t have any problem with them aside from not being in the obituary then don’t complicate things dear. Just relax. 
Dear overly dramatic, grow up. Stop looking for opportunities to be offended. It may have simply been an oversight, or maybe since you are not married they dont consider that official for purposes of an obituary. You want to sever ties with a family that apparently has loved you (even though you are not technically family because you are not married into it.) And the deceased loved your daughter even though she wasnt technically his granddaughter. You need to grow up. Also, if you cut ties with your boyfriends family then you force him to choose between you and his family. That is unfair and always a bad idea. This will put a lot of external pressure on your relationship and now his family will be against you. Doing this is stupid and immature, and the man who loved your daughter would never have wanted that. Find something important to be offended about. This family doesn’t need your drama, and neither does your boyfriend.
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I may have misunderstood this but the boyfriend is not the child’s bio father, therefore not a relation to grandpa, so that’s the reason she has not been included.
You are not married. Cutting ties is not a mature thing to do in the long term of your relationship with his side of family.
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Leave it be. Comfort your daughter at loss of her poppy. She needs the family base. Ignore their ignorance of her feelings. She’s too young to realize it. Just be mindful of future slights.
You are not married so are not officially a family member. Get over it and let it go.
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She is saying it’s been one thing after another with his family. The family should have added by her boyfriends name would be his significant other is her name, then listed with his daughters names would be her daughters name also. I can understand why she is very up set about this. If the said BOYFRIEND don’t see it her way, YES she needs to pack up and go.!!!.. JS…
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Well, neither my children or myself was biology related to my husband’s Paw Paw, but we all loved him VERY much. He just passed. We all called him Paw Paw. The man loved his family (all of us) deeply. With that being said, had my husband’s family put everyone else’s children/step children in the O. besides mine, I would have been really hurt, too. Would I cut ties? No. That’s not what he would have wanted. Would I still talk to them without reason? Probably not. Distance speaks for itself and can show maturity on your part. Don’t take away any more of your daughter’s family unless things worsen. I am very sorry for your loss. Best wishes!
I’m so sorry you are hurt. And I encourage you to do nothing right now. They are all grieving and confronting them now will make you look like the bad guy. Not the time really - emotions all around are too high.
That said, maybe after the dust settles ask your boyfriend about it.
Maybe it was just an oversight. Clearly we don’t know the whole back story here but no matter. I’d wait just a bit and see how it goes. Be honest and tell him you feel like an outsider and not part of the family that you’ve come to love and know.
I mean it would be one thing if they didn’t mention any significant others (which is why I say it may be an oversight)
If this man has been a father - and seemingly a good father - to your daughter all these years, I don’t think he would intentionally hurt you like that.