For some people, it’s about blood kin. A lot obturiares don’t name the grandkids, just say he had ten grandchildren ect. It was good of them to treat good, but you are not married to your boyfriend, either don intentionally. No need to cut ties, there is always drama at a funeral. Shake it off!
My 36 year old son died in 2019 His obituary we forgot my husbands brother who died when my son was 6 months old. Nobody talked about him I am still taking crap for that.
My mom died last week. I misspelled my own kids name on the obit. I felt like crap when I realized it… I fessed up and admitted my mistake… I knew it looked wrong, but could not figure out why.
I personally would not allow a slight committed during such an emotional moment to taint an otherwise good relationship.
If you’ve had a fairly decent relationship with them I’d speak with them about it. It could of been their error, not meaning anything hurtful, or an error on the person writing the obituary. Of course it could of been on purpose. I’d voice my feelings b4 just cutting them off, unless this has been on going. I’d still tell them why your done being involved with them
Place an add in the local paper in remembrance of him from you and your daughter . Stating how much you loved him and how much he will be missed. Then let it go. As long as your boy friend knows that their actions made you feel left out. If you have been with him for 4 years. Why are you not married? Makes me kinda wonder if he is not marrying because of his family. Just remember if you decide to stay in this relationship …that you are not only going to be with him but also with him family. Ask yourself if it’s worth it before you make a commitment.
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I have never seen an obit which lists all the people the deceased loved. If your boyfriend wants you to be family, he should marry you and adopt your daughter. As for the 4 year old, I doubt she reads the obits so it will not “hurt” her unless her mom shares her hurt with her.
These things are tough. Do they treat your daughter badly??? Do they love your daughter the same as the other kids?? If they do dont worry about. They probably just dont like you. If they treat her differently then that’s a different story. I was left out of my exhusbands obituary but the kids were in it. But jokes on them I had to sign death certificate. In laws are are very slippery slope!!
Leave his ass! Your daughter deserves everything good in life. So, if they can’t see that, and love her the way she deserves? It’s better to walk away.
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I forgot to include my sister who lives overseas in our Dads death notice, it was certainly unintentional and I still feel sick but I had a lot of organizing to do with a very difficult mother …
I mean unless there is a history of mistreatment previously from this family, I find this one thing petty. They are grieving and not thinking straight. Words fall short on an obituary every single time. Capturing a persons amazing life in 200 characters or less is next to impossible every time.
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It’s that family’s loss because apparently your daughter loved the grandpa and he did her . Talk to your bf about it and if he truly loves you and your daughter he will tell his family you guys are part of his life too . If he doesn’t stand up for you and your daughter I’d move on . I’ve been where your at but we was married and had adopted an infant son , we were never truly accepted in the family except for one person . Needless to say me and my son moved on away from it all and have been better for it .
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Your boyfriend needs to stand up for you. Initially I thought well you aren’t married but then you wrote they added other girlfriends - which to me is odd for an obit - but since they did that I don’t see why you weren’t included. You have to clear the air now. If not you will never be respected. If your boyfriend doesn’t see the issue it’s time to go because he will never support you
Who’s if your name is on the obit. He loved you guys. And so does the family. Get over it. You all need each other now 
Times like theses no one is thinking clearly, does it really matter? My stepmother added my husband as Friend of family( son n law).Just stop stressing over the little stuff.
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Families are forever and this is not about you or your daughters. It’s his obituary. They probably named the people that were blood relatives. You can’t expect them to include every person he ever loved. Drop it for what it’s worth. Treasure his memory not what the family is doing!
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If you’re brave enough to tell them off and cut them off about it, maybe it is worth it to have a talk with whoever wrote the obituary first and sincerely inquire as to why you and your daughter weren’t added. Their answer alone may be exactly the confirmation you’re looking for in your search for advice. So sorry for your loss
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Let it go- it’s not worth the aggravation-if he loves you and your daughter, let your love for each other and your daughter be the best part-don’t sweat their ignorance
Sometimes the funeral home messes up the obituary, grieving people don’t check it to make sure it is written correctly. My family just went through this, they spelled the deceased sons name wrong and put the wrong date of death and other family members had to call and get it corrected, just saying!
Usually it is only immediate family if they are married but I have also seen other obituaries where so and children were listed. When sons girlfriend passed away they listed him,and they weren’t married but had been together for 4 years. So it is really up to the family who gets added or not .In this case since they added other s o and children I’d say it was deliberate, although sometimes in the stress of a death things do get left out of obituaries. I think your boyfriend should be the one to ask why they didn’t include you.
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I feel like you may have some growing up to do. This is petty and it seems you are looking for a reason to be upset.
No. He is not the father of your child and you are not married. Obits are usually written for families and not significant others. Sorry just my beliefs. I was not added to my fiancé’s fathers obit nor did I expect to be.
Don’t be offended. If not biologically related to him, I would not expect to be mentioned. Why cut ties, unless you’re looking for a reason to do so. How well you get along in general is more important.
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It is a time of family sorrow. Why would you consider adding to the drama? This is NOT about you or your daughter. Be supportive of your boyfriend and if you need to do anything, just console your daughter by reminding her of the happy times she had with your boyfriend’s grandpa.
Leave it alone, your daughter loves this family, so let it go. Be the adult. God knows, she needs one.
Forgive them. I did not say condone but by forgiving them you set yourself free. Everyone is hurting because of his death. Your precious daughter loves her grandfather and carrying any negativity will hurt her and yourself. Let your boyfriend know this oversight, whether intentional or not, was hurtful.
My husbands family didn’t like me at first. I was previously married and had 2 young children. For year’s, they tried to.put obstacles, in our way. He adopted my 2 daughters and has always raised them as his own. I didn’t have much to do with them… during our early years. I acknowledge your feelings about this, but don’t let it bother you. I think you are looking for your bf, to take the initiative and correct them. If you and he are happy, move on, from this… It’s not worth you feeling bad about it. You know, where your daughter was in Grandpas life…and so do they.
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Sounds like something you really need to think about and discuss with your boyfriend. Your daughter lives him lime a father…understandable. something you said tho…how should you wash your hands of it or continue to watch your daughter be treated like she doesn’t matter. Well I would think you would put your daughter first. She loves him yes…but getting treated like she doesn’t matter should never be ok. I also hope your not upset because all the exes names were mentikned. That is really petty and if it bothers you …,.then address it…but don’t let that be the reason you’re upset
Another question would be, how does your boyfriend treat you? If he treats you like you guys don’t matter then get out. But if he is a good man then why throw away a relationship because of crappy family? Heck, many of my dads family don’t care for my mom and they don’t treat her all that well. So mom and dad don’t associate with them. I couldn’t stand most of my ex’s family so I kept to myself as much as possible.
I think this is a big issue. While I agree with many who posted and commented as a response to your question, I try to put myself in the your situation. No one can tell you what is best for YOU at this time. However, I do believe that this is only the beginning of being “left out,” and I totally understand your hurt feelings. I would be hurt, too. Big things in life such as the death of a loved one, often bring out things in people that one may have not seen before. You say, “It’s been one thing after another.” Are you saying you have had similar issues with your boyfriend’s family before? I suggest you think hard and look beyond this one issue. What will the future provide for you, your boyfriend and your child? Will there be further exclusions by your boyfriend’s family? Would you be able to accept that you and your child have been and continue to be excluded? This may or may not happen so you have to make your choice now.
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Talk to him first! When my husband passed away I accidentally left my deceased father off and the grand children. I just wasn’t thinking clearly. Maybe it was an oversight. Communicate with him.
My daughter got left off her grandmother’s obit completely, everyone knew she existed but few accepted her. I know who was in charge of the obit and fron that day forward, she was the one I avoided, not the whole family. Maybe you can weed out the jerk that left her off, and cut them out her life, she obviously wouldn’t be missing anything losing one person
If you stay, please voice how this hurt you and be willing to listen to someone’s explanation. That should help you decide one way or the other, but if you don’t voice your hurt, nothing will ever be the same as that hurt will fester in your heart.
Some people only want family in their. Families obituary it’s not you they are hurt your 4 year old will forget if you don’t keep reminding her at least till she can understand that’s my opinion
Your man has to show his family that you n yr daughter matter unless you have not been cool with family why is it they don’t care about you. Has there been issues before. I can’t see a close family n a death happens n they no want you especially if other boyfriends n girlfriends were invited
You are not legally part of the family…doesn’t have anything to do with acceptance or anything like that but traditionally boyfriends/girlfriends aren’t listed because legally they aren’t family. If my nephews came to me over my parents obituary upset their girlfriends weren’t mentioned I’d have to tell him to marry her if he wanted her to be listed as family on something that is viewed by family generations and generations later. To try to cause family issues at this time in the families life because your weren’t treated like something because you weren’t something is self serving and in no way honors the man the obituary was for.
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Your boyfriend should address this with his family. It is possible it was an oversite. A funeral can be a very trying time, and it is easy to accidently miss someone in all the things that have to be done. Do you even know which family member had this job of submitting the names? Don’t blame all for what could be 1 person’s mistake.
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You are not a surviving relative and obituaries are hard enough on the family. I would let it go.
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I would ask my boyfriend why my daughter and myself was not added and why didn’t you stand up for us bc we love you so much. I wouldn’t cut them out bc u are hurt take time to cool down and see what the outcome would be if u did. U know as well as ur daughter that her grandpa loved u both unconditional and they have to answer for what they chose to do.
He’s your boyfriend. Apparently they felt this event is about blood family. Let it go or walk away your hurt will grow and become bitter.
No I feel your pain though. My ex sister in law who was back with my brother, not married but living with cut me out. But because of my nieces I grumbled a but but let it go
I had the same thing happen to me. MIL had my husband and our 2 kids,totally left me and 1 oldest from a prior marriage. She also told us the wrong church, stopped by funeral home to find out what was going on. Needless to say I was surprised when the funeral director showed us everything, he was able to fix it. MIL still doesn’t know who fixed it. She clearly wasn’t in the right frame of mind…
Legally there’s no reason you should be a part of that obit…if the grandpa wasn’t close to you or your daughter …no…
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Most obits I’ve read, mention children and spouses. Then number of grand and great grand children by number of… My ex husband family was nice enough to add on the 2 expected great grand children.
Honestly, you could put up a full page ad to list everyone by name in some families.
I wouldn’t worry, and I’m sure the loss of there loved one… They have so much on there mind.
What matters is the memories she has obtained while he was alive. That love they can not take away. So what if ur names are not added. Privately go to gravesite and leave flowers. Most of all dont blame ur boyfriend. We do not have control of what others do ( especially family) let it go build ur family. Kill them with kindness and lead by example.
Holding a grudge over an intentional or a nonintentional mistake that hurt your feeling will hurt you more than the ones it is directored at. If you can forgive them, do it. Also, consider your daughters feeling and her love for her grandfather that she rembers.
I think there are some unanswered questions here first before going off the deep end. Cutting ties because you both were left out of an obituary is a little much considering your child loves them. But, you said they treat your daughter like she doesn’t matter and it’s one thing after another. If they are treating your child badly than yes, cut ties. Just don’t do it over what could have been a simple mistake.
This is to how u feel. Do they treat your daughter good? What does your boyfriend say about this? Sad others are like this. Hugs to u. If u truly feel you are loved by your bf then he should ask why it didn’t happen.
Usually only married spouses are mentioned in Obits. But you stated the other “girl friends” were added. That would upset me too. Do you have any idea why they would do this. Or was it a mistake?
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First off you’re hurt because they excluded you and your daughter in the obit and your daughter is hurt because her poppy is gone. Deal with her hurt first. Make her a little photo album, let her know poppy is loving her from heaven. If they have always treated her like their son’s / brother’s girlfriends kid and didn’t have a relationship with her and you, your daughter and your boyfriend have a great relationship, don’t give him up, give his family up. Good luck.
This I am sure is not the first time she was treated less than a family member. Her boyfriend should confront the parent what was the reason they were left out. Then she should step back her child will grow up and realize her worth in that family. Not fair to child.
I feel like you should have been added since they added the others. My husbands family didn’t send flowers to my grandfathers funeral because he was my step grandfather so technically not family but my grandmother was married to him for many years. It was hurtful. I understand how you feel.
Mistakes happen, especially when making a funeral arrangement. I personally wouldn’t dwell on it and let it go. As long as your boyfriend accepts your daughter as his own, that should be enough.
My husbands family never liked me or my daughter, when his Dad died I was his wife but was not in the Orbit, but then I never fooled with them and when he passed away no a one came to the funeral but in your case maybe it was being not married to him and they were unsure how to handle it talk to one of them about it
Maybe the other kids were added because they are blood and your daughter is just a step child let her see this family like you said it’s all she knows
It’s quite possible that this was a simple oversight by the funeral director. It happened to me when my husband passed, they forgot to include my nephew. It was published online incorrectly and I made them change it. Whether the death was expected or unexpected, it’s a very stressful time and things do get overlooked. Maybe Poppy made his arrangements a long time ago before you were even in the picture. Before you just wash your hands of the family, you should simply ask why you weren’t included. To wash your hands of them without knowing the reason for the oversight would be childish
CHILD only knows the love given by grandpa…not anything missing from an obit…I would feel hurt myself buttt choice made by whoever did the obit~.
Why don’t you just marry him and make it legal??
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People unfortunately still see a woman not married to a man as maybe just a temporary, uncommitted part of the family that can leave. Your child isn’t officially adopted by your boyfriend so again it’s like here today gone tomorrow. I don’t think it’s nice to do to your daughter. She’s known this man as her grandfather and they had a mutual love. Not right. Whoever did the obituary did that to send you a message. Your boyfriend may not even have been aware of what was written before it was too late. You say that it’s one thing after the other so possibly you aren’t all that liked and I don’t mean that in a bad way to hurt your feelings. You have to know that not all people will like you and there are probably people in that family that will continue to undermine your relationship with your boyfriend. If he hasn’t come to your defense that. says something about him. You’ve involved your very young child with a man that she considers her dad. Move away with him or without him.
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Were you and your daughter close to Grandpa? Is so, I think the family could have been generous enough to include your names. Families and in-laws can be strange. Perhaps they feel that you don’ t have a “formal” designation in the family. You are “only a girlfriend”. Would you be able to tell your boyfriend,s mom how you feel and explain that you and your daughter feel like you are part of the family? Does your boyfriend know how hurt you feel by this? He should tell his mom or someone to treat you as if you are a member of the family. Don’t write the family off. See how things go in the future. They had a lot on their minds and lots of arrangements to make at the time. And they may not have realized how close you and your daughter felt to grandpa.
Could it have been an accidental oversight? Keep your ties with the family for the sake of your daughter. Talk to your boyfriend and hear what he has to say. If he isnt supporting to your feelings, then its time to move on. As your daughter ages and learns about the importance of family you need to back her up.
The girlfriend is petty, his family has no obligation to acknowledge you or your child, if your bf died that’s a different story. And just because the two of you see her as your bf daughter and his grandfather as her grandpa doesn’t mean the rest of the family see it that way.
I wouldn’t. I mean it’s just an obituary. And maybe they did add your name, but it got missed when the paper printed it, it does happen. And maybe they just forgot to add your name with it being a death in the family. Have you talked to your boyfriend about it? I wouldn’t cut off my boyfriend’s family for that.
You need to choose your fights as far as what can make it break a relationship. Maybe the person responsible for the obit omitted ya in error. If everything else is working between you then let it go. Family is not perfect
You know what? It could have been an accident. My husband died last august, 2020… I didn’t realize until days after the obit ran, that I forgot to add all of his grandkids, cousins, nieces and nephews, of which there were many. I listed his seven kids and their spouses, siblings, mother/stepdad, step child and one grandchild we have custody of. Forgot the rest. Nobody got upset.
You are not married. If you were she would have been mentioned. Don’t let others decisions control your life. If you love him stay
Wait I just reread yr upset because your names weren’t included
Ok ignore that. If yr not able to attend wake that’s something else
But u say it’s one thing after another. So what is the reason they no get along with you
Some people really care about titles. I suspect the person who wrote the obituary didn’t add either one of you because you are the girlfriend and not the wife. I think if they added you they would have to add every SO of all the grandchildren and depending on how big the family is it would get pretty ridiculous. Either way somebody is going to be upset so my gut is saying the rule they decided to go by was marital status.
If they love your little girl and are good to you normally i would try not to take it personally.
If it has been multiple occasions were they have treated her differently or you and it continues I would. Only you know what is right for you and your child.
Sorry That should not have happened to your daughter it’s normal if a girl or boy friend wasn’t added to it.
But his love for a child should of been recognized and it’s there loss. Do you love your boyfriend if so will he put a ring on your finger in the next yr. If not why not if you don’t care weather you get married then does your boyfriend parents love your daughter if you can answer yes then let this go you’ll be able to tell them sooner or later how you felt. How does your boyfriend feel about it does it bother him enough to say something But if you’re answer is no sorry to say save up your money not saying anything thing about it until you have enough money to move out with your daughter. Taking time to hear first then when another boy and you like each other ask the important question like I’m looking for a good husband and a Father and a family for your daughter and that both of you deserve this and nothing short.
Good luck God bless and 99.9 percent of your life should be about your daughter getting.09
Percent for parents.
It would be the boyfriend’s duty to take care of this in a positive fashion but it is not something that should be dropped immediately hurt feelings will go on forever if you don’t address the issue
Get over it! Someone just forgot. Be the bigger person. It’s not about you anyway. It’s this man’s obituary.
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I see how it may look to you about feeling left out while others were listed. Don’t read into it as if the family was being hurtful to or excluding you and your child. They probably just listed the biological family and yet it could had been another family member listing all the family only. It could be a legal form of seeing everyone listed but not certain of it. Yes they could have listed y’all in a way of saying, Special and dear close friends “names”. I wouldn’t be to upset over it y’all hold the memories more dear in your heart than your name on paper.
Hurt feelings or not does the extended family live in the same household as you guys ? Do they pay your bills? Your bf is what matters and that’s where your concern should be. Family may be annoying but that’s not your focus 
As a child, my sister and I were always treated differently (less than) my brother by my grandparents and parents. All the kids and adults in our extended family saw it. Although I had spoken to both my mother and grandparents about the issue, they denied it, always. This caused massive self-esteem issues, family problems, and infighting between my siblings. It was much worse than I am letting on here. To this day, there is no contact between any of us. My grandparents are long deceased and this issue was never resolved with them. My husband and I haven’t spoken to my mother in about 8 years, yet she will never admit the maltreatment. (Obviously there was far more than this going on. My mother is highly abusive, narcissistic, belittling, venomous, and a whole bunch of other not so pleasant descriptors). My father has changed dramatically. I am thrilled with our relationship. However, there have been many times throughout the course of my life that I wished I had been placed into a different living situation. As a grown woman pushing 50 years, I had struggled for the majority of my life to find where I belonged. Finally, I have arrived.
I say all of this to give one piece of advice. If this is consistent maltreatment of your daughter, your boyfriend should not need pushing to speak to his family about the issue. If this is a relationship that is a good, supportive, loving relationship…he should step up to correct the problem or distance himself from the problem makers. Your daughter is not “less than”. She is an empathetic, sensitive little person who already picks up on the clues laid out before her. So, for the sake of your daughter’s well-being, speak to your boyfriend about this. Have a heart to heart and then make some hard decisions. Family isn’t always what you were bred into, it’s who you choose to surround yourself with. Those people should be loving, supportive, empowering people who love unconditionally and deeply; who would do whatever it takes to show you and your daughter are included and focal points of this family.
Best of luck to you and your little❤️
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Actual family members are the ones usually listed. The family may care about you and your daughter but you are not technically family. If they listed other non family then ask why if you want to know…
Grow up my kids call their stepdad dad and they were never mentioned and we weren’t even invited to the family photo. My partner family doesn’t see us as family after 10 years. We don’t care and my family sees him as their son in law. It is what it is.
Na wao since when do they include girlfrnds and boyfriends inside a family’s burial arrangement or any other family issues?Come on guys tell her the truth,U are not part of the family if he has not done ur marriage rites,
Speak your mind. Or they will walk all over you forever… Sorry for the loss that YOU AND YOUR DAUGHTER are experiencing…
Where does your boyfriend stand on this?? If hes on THEIR side… I think you already have your answer…
When you marry your boyfriend you might have grounds to complain. Until then you have no legal grounds to stand on!
To split you just hurt your daughter and yourself. Your boyfriend is not the sole decision maker in this matter. Give the man some space and see if he is for real in both you and your daughters life!
If its one thing after the other, and they treat your daughter like she doesn’t matter, then don’t stay, but if this was just an oversight then weigh the pros and con’s of everything and then decide. If you’re unhappy with the situation then end it, your daughter will be upset but in the interim of things it will be for the best, and do it now, there’s already relationships built but letting them continue isn’t wise its only going to lead to regret.
I think telling…( not yelling or being mean) how it made u feel being left out is fine. As for leaving and walking away is not going to help. I think being up set is okay, but being mad is another. Maybe it was a simple mistake or the obituary was already made years ago and wasn’t updated when they needed it. Don’t be mad at ur boyfriend over something he didn’t do
Well hopefully it was just a really bad mistake, don’t feel bad speaking up and asking about it
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Idk about Cutting Ties that’s pretty extreme, have you asked yourself if he can mentally deal with cutting Ties? I have done it and trust me its not cute in the relationship as time passes! But I would suggest bringing your feelings to the table and asking him to address it as you feel unloved an disrespected and go from there. Try an look at another view as well, he didn’t write the obituary and he would also suffer punishment served because of someone else’s thoughtlessness or pettieness! I’m sure their are several other ways to fight this hurt without shuting out a whole family
You are not family if he is only your boyfriend, grow up
I’m so sorry for your loss and your pain. Have you talked it out with your boyfriend? It could have been an oversight or it could have been somebody being a jerk. If everything else is going good, then sometimes a jerk is just a jerk. If you’re loved by him and his family, and if your child is loved what more could you ask for. Just be cordial to the jerk and eventually the bad memories will be replaced by more love. Don’t be mean to meanies like that. And if it was accidentally left out, then you just need to let it go. You and your child have the future ahead of you. Peace and love.
did the boyfriend write the obituary if so u need to tell him how u feel if not he isnt the fault or maybe as long as u have been in the faily maybe u need to talk to them
You need to get your head on straight. Why the need to be added to an obituary? He loved her she loved him. More important to help her keep her memories alive
Your boyfriend? Has been with you for four years and still hasn’t married you? Your boyfriend should be the one to speak up for you and your daughter!! He needs to man up or else!
You’re not married to your boyfriend so why should your name be listed in the obituary? If you were married I’d see why you might be upset. Pick your battles and this ain’t one of them.
You sound very selfish person, you are not married your daughter is not biologically related , and for goodness sakes this is a funeral, you supposed to be just there for support for your boyfriend.
Could it have simply been an oversight? Perhaps the person(s) who wrote the obituary was not aware of the decist’s love or relationship with the young man’s GF, and daughter. Or perhaps it was an issue that only the obituary writer had with this GF and daughter.
Don’t write off the whole family for an accident, or intentional act of one.
The family may have asked your Boy Friend if he want your and your daughters name in the Obituaries and he said no. I would ask why before pointing fingers
At a time like that, mistakes are made. When my stepfather died, my mother misspelled my name and left out one of my children. It wasn’t done on purpose, just had so much going on.
Take some time and process and you will know what to do. What would grandpa say to you? This could be an amazing teaching experience for your little one. Watch her make them question their decision on the matter. People do weird things when people die. I wish you love 
Are you married? If not then you shouldn’t be in it. An obit should be the child(ren) of the deceased and their spouses and maybe if it’s a small family the children related by birth. Your daughter is 4. I don’t mean this to sound insensitive but your daughter is 4. Love is not measured by being included in an obit. I was 10 when my grandpa passed away and because of the our huge family I doubt I was in the obit. I wouldn’t cut ties instead give them your condolences because I’m sure they are hurting and don’t need the drama of this type of situation especially when they just lost someone. It wouldn’t be fair or right for them to lose someone else they have grown to love.
(With everything I said I know that family isn’t always blood)
Let it go it’s not important in the grand scheme of things. Resentment will eat you up and your 4 year old will probably not remember all of this happening
I think cutting ties is pretty over the top. And I don’t think now is the time to make a fuss over it with his family either. Everyone is hurting just as much as her daughter over this loss, and it could have been an oversight. Be the bigger person and let this one slide.
I wouldn’t be upset…most obituaries, unless you pay a huge price for it, usually have a word count and sometimes people are left out. I know this from experience as when my husband’s grandfather died, he had a huge family and alot of the “spouses/partners” were left out and the kids
Sorry you aren’t married so no you wouldn’t be included unless it been years and he isn’t the father so sorry but no
Maybe they want you married before they include you in family? forgive them and if you love your boyfriend, he is the one that matters for you, and you need to just put up with his family, Most of us have this issue of family hurts.