Life is too short. you dont know whats been said about you behind closed doors. Just remove them from your life and move on.
Your post did not indicate whether you’ve had conflict with your boyfriend’s family in the past., if so, that could be the reason. If not, then the only other thing that I can think of is that 1)you and bf are not married and 2)your daughter is not your bf’s biological daughter. Since he raised her, you probably think that should not matter. For some people, titles and paperwork matter.
This is a recipe for disaster… 
Don’t worry about it love. Mayb jst mention it to Ur partner to get it off yr chest. They obviously put blood relatives. Life is too short. Forgive and forget
Good grief some of the comments 
Meow!!!.
You have every right to feel the way you do it seems like there is more to this however as you said at the end of your post it’s been one thing after another so clearly there is more to this. However if they’re going to be petty then let them, you and your daughter know he loved your child so I wouldn’t worry to much about the rest of the family you crack on hun and dont let pettiness bring you down. X
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I understand where you are coming from however since you are not married to him your not entitled to be put in it. If the child is not biologically his or adopted by him she doesn’t necessarily get put in there either. After all it’s just some words on paper. They spelled my name wrong on my mother’s obituary, it did not bother me.
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I wouldn’t touch on this subject with a 10 foot pole. Let it go for now, yes your feelings are hurt, sometimes by addressing it to the family in question may cause you more hurt. Let it go and don’t put the family down in front of your daughter, remember she loved them!
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When my husband’s grandfather passed away only he was listed and we were married. They didn’t even list his son. Everyone was stressed
Wash your hand completely of his family… move on to a family you and your daughter are fully accepted. No need to force or no need wait for your boyfriend nor his family to accept you or your kids . Move on there is awesome families out there who are always better.
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If the other boyfriends/girlfriends and kids were added and not yours I would be upset as well. I would wonder why they all were added and myself and my child wasn’t. Especially if your child and grandfather were close and thought a lot of each other. If they added them y’all should have been added. Just my thought.
My sympathy is with you. And I understand fully on how that little girl feels. A few years ago my biological father passed away. My sister was in the obituary but I wasn’t even mentioned and the whole family knew he was my bio dad. And last year my adopted father passed away. All 4 girls weren’t mentioned in the obit. Yes it does hurt. But just try to remember the good days. I know it’s hard to do when you are just trying to prove that you are family. But sometimes battles aren’t even worth fighting for. If the grandfather felt love for your little one. Honestly, that is all that matters.
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It hurts not to be included well there’s nothing you can do about it now maybe talk to your boyfriend about how you feel because typically when those things are left out somebody didn’t say anything
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So having recently suffered a loss and planned a funeral I will tell you that they ask very specific questions about the deceased in regards to family and that is what they write the obituary based off of which most likely didn’t include you and your daughter because you are not married and the child is not your boyfriends biologically. I honestly wouldn’t take it personal unless you’re looking for a reason too. Death in itself tears family’s apart don’t let something silly like this be a factor.
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Usually unless married, names aren’t me mentioned…
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Possibly an honest mistake? I mean when someone is grieving it happens. I was at a funeral and they left out one of the biological grand children’s names. But it was a honest mistake not done intentionally
I’m appalled at how rude some of u r! She’s not making it about her or the death. I think her feelings r validate. I see why people be hesitant in writing, because of some of u.
because she isn’t legally his…My son has a “step son”, but has not legally adopted him because his bio dad is still in his life. When my parents died, we did not name the great grandchildren in the obit, just the # of them. No one really reads obits closely…Let it go
No and honestly its pathetic. Doesnt matter if your child calls him dad. That man isnt survived by your child since iits not blood. And definitely not by you. Neither of you have a place in that obituary just because youre dating his grandson. And quite honestly its disgusting you are throwing a fit about it.
Humana Medicare Plan hospital stays doctor office visits
Don’t be petty- it’s clearly beneath you…
It’s your boyfriends family and it’s not his child… I get it. If you were married and this happened a different story
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She’s not family until they are married. No, should not be in the obituary.
If it really is one thing after another, of them showing that they don’t care about you or your daughter then I probably would not stick around. Because if they’ve already known her for over 3 years and they act like they don’t care about her she’s getting to an age where she will see that
Why are you making the death of someone else’s family member about you? If your daughter viewed him as her grandfather, then let her mourn him as such. Let it go.
She will see how differently she is treated than all the other children
Honestly, is this really the hill you want to die on with this relationship? You have some reevaluating to do, and if you can’t move past being left out of something that will undoubtedly line birdcages tomorrow, then maybe your boyfriend should cut ties with you.
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We all just have our own opinion. The longer you live, the more you observe and realize about life and relationships. Girlfriend/boyfriend does not translate to ‘family’ generally speaking. When you have children in your home, living with a boyfriend/girlfriend does not translate to family either. It is in certain times, such as these, that you see where you are, when outright words may not be spoken. There is always a reason for everything people do. Sometimes you know, but just don’t want to acknowledge Truth. It is hard on children to be so involved and attached to a family when they really are not ‘family’. You, her mother, were never grandpa’s daughter-in-law. You can’t list all ‘friends of the family’. And I realize you didn’t see yourself as that, but strictly speaking, that is who you are. The boyfriend has not manned up to be a husband and father, so there lies the problem it seems.
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Ask who wrote the obituary.
If your boyfriend wasn’t there, he couldn’t have reminded them of you and your little girl.
It wasn’t his fault.
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Sounds like a dysfunctional family. Biological children, but not their mothers, should have been included yes. If they included the girlfriend they should have included you. He knew child most of her life. She should’ve counted. U say it’s been one thing after another … what does 6our boyfriend say about it? Does he consider u and daughter family members? U’ll likely never be treated different than now.
I understand your hurt and I am sorry. I would tell your boyfriend how you feel. Wait until some time has passed, quite a bit and talk to them about it honestly. Ask them why your name and your daughters name were excluded. This was in my opinion in very poor taste to exclude you both. Death is not the time for petty grievances or whatever this is. Remember in times of grief people are not thinking straight and it may have been a mistake.
Don’t let it bother you …feelings will eventually pass… You were not really a part of the family because you and your boyfriend weren’t married…similiar situation happened to me. I’m 71. Can tell you LIFE goes on.
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Coming from your daughers perspective i was hermy grand mother married another man after my real grand father i never knew him but i knew the man she married and he treated me as his own have her remember the good he showed her and not what the fools that was left did they really dont matter what does matter is the love she was shown from him
Get over your hurt feelings and be a grown up. Let it go, life is too short to let something like this mar your relationship.
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If your boyfriend isn’t as mad at his family as you are, he doesn’t deserve you! He should be a man that’s there for you and defending you to his family!
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ask if you want to know… it could have been an oversight… I’ve been left out of obituaries and really didn’t care… it’s not about me it’s an obituary! It’s more to let people know they passed not a pissing contest!
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You are allowing his family to take valuable real estate in your head. The reaction you are expressing now is the exact expression they were hoping you would have. If you love your boyfriend and he loves you then overlook this immature emotional game his family is playing with you and show them that what they throw at you is water off a ducks back. Remember you can choose your friends but not your family, they come with the package. You will have to put up with them. If you are not prepared to do that and you feel that they will make your life miserable, then it’s best you pack your bags and leave, you deserve a happy peaceful life, in a family that accepts and embraces you
You could have put your own verse in the paper but you feel so strong about cut them out of your lives ots they loss good luck
I understand. But it sounds like she is old enough to be talked to let her know that she is still a wonderful amazing person. If you choose to walk away it’s to let her know how important she is to you. Try to not make it about other people’s feelings. Death and change have a tendency to bring out the pettiness in people. Try not to pass that to your daughter.
Sometimes when you get to the funeral parlor and you are stressed already , you can actually forget people. It happened to me when both my parents passed and I forgot my Dads nephew.
It’s not important that you are mentioned, there’s alot of obituaries that don’t mention names. To even think about disassociating with his family over your names not put in the obituary is pretty peddy. They lost a close family member, focus on that. is it really that important.
Go to them and tell them how you fill…and remember when a loved one passes, It’s hard to get everything right. Your mined just isent clear. I wouldn’t just leave . Without knowing what happened. Our leave a family that you enjoy otherwise, just for this …
I’m sorry. These things do happen and it hurts. Your daughter can’t read yet,so please for her heart. Don’t verbalize this to her. She doesn’t deserve that. Let her morn. Also sometimes the ugly comes in people during loss. Don’t be part of the ugly be part of the healing. Both are hard but choose which hard you want to reap. Again my condolences
I’m more interested why you’re not after your daughter’s child support.
I’d be pissed off for sure I’d walk away can think about it talk to him at the little girl anymore she’s Herton someday she’ll understand when she gets older
I wasn’t included in my Uncle’s…or aunts obituary. although I knew them longer than their kids did. 
Let it go. The relationship was the important thing, not what someone may never ever read anyway.
Whoever wrote it may not have been thinking…or maybe they never wrote one before. Who knows…don’t read into it more than what might be there.
Its not your boyfriends fault. It would not be fair to break up with him because of them. That would hurt your daughter more
If your daughter isn’t related to the grandfather. Then you and her don’t need to be on the list.
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Who wrote the obituary in the first place? And where was Grandma at when is was going on? Your boyfriend didn’t say anything to the one that wrote the obituary? He’s the one I would jump first and then the one that wrote the obituary. If, your boyfriend thinks nothing of it then point out the door.Unless he go and take care of the situation.
Obits usually only list blood relatives and their SPOUSES. Reading your post, I take from it that your boyfriends brothers don’t bother marrying the women they have children with. When you don’t bother with marriage, you pay the price in many ways down the highway of life…and so do your children.
your not marries - probably why they left you out as your not considered family! Walk away honey it will get worse.
Just live your life and don’t dwell on petty things… They will either step up or step away and either way you’ll be busy building a great life…
You said other things besides omitting you and your daughter. If you’re uncomfortable in the relationship, you need to leave it!
You can’t be angry , she is not his child even if he loves her he ain’t her bio dad , so don’t get angry for the truth!
I’ve had my name misspelled in an obituary lol. Unless I knew it was directly written by a close person to me I wouldn’t be bothered
I really think you’re being dramatic. They shouldn’t have included girlfriends at all. It’s mainly for family. Blood family I mean. I thought I wasn’t in my dads obituary but I was listed at the dead end. And I’m his blood related daughter. My grandmother hates me so yeah. In a way I get it but I’m blood related. Your daughter isn’t and neither are you.
Sharon ii hear you going are going to be a grannie tells Mark Jess i was for asking for him xxxx
I dont think this is something you sld take to personally.
Wild World…are these stories made up so people get worked up
Not sure I believe…
Honey your problem isn’t his family. You’re a GIRL FRIEND. someone he’s only DATING. OBVIOUSLY it’s not that serious or he would’ve put a ring on it already. Next time you want to be taken seriously, don’t shack up with some dude 4 months after having another man’s baby. I don’t even know you and I don’t respect you. How could his family?
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I dont think boyfriends/girlfriends get listed in obituaries, or their children.
Why not ask why you and your daughter was not added? I would explain how hurt and upset you are. Maybe it was a mistake or oversight. I wouldnt go to war over this. This is your boyfriends family and if they have been good to you and your child I wouldnt focus on one mistake and forget all they did right. In time of a loss we dont think clearly. Hope you can forgive and move past it.
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Go online and put your message in the online guest book.
My children’s biological grandparents left my children nothing…
Someone is making it very clear about the bloodline, being the only real grandkids. This may not be true for all his family, but it is the feelings of the writer of the obituary. Or they are just rude. At my mothers funeral they only had family room enough my sister, and brother and their families. But this sister and brother were her favorites. The other 3 of us, nor our kids were mentioned
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Someone died! It may not have been done on purpose. How do they treat you and your daughter on a regular basis? Glad you didn’t disrupt the funeral! I do know how you feel though, but make sure it wasn’t done on accident because of the stress of loosing a loved one!
Ive been there. Everything in my husbands life was wrapped around his one brother and his brothers daughter. I couldnt break into his family cause my husband didnt allow it. My kids were grown when i married him they could care less but it kept a hurt inside me i never let go. It wasnt his moms fault. It was my husbands he should have cut the strings. When his mom got sick i took her in our home i loved her i changed my life around for her. I never wanted her to leave me she was my best friend. My husband created the problem his brother had no intentions of taking csre of his mom and the deamed granddaughter couldnt be bothered. It comes down to your peace of mind. Can you forgive
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The family is still mourning now is not the time. I can see why you would be hurt. Do they treat her different on a regular basis. If this is a normal thing for them to leave you out then I would wait a couple of months and then express your feelings. Let them know you love them as they are your blood family but you feel they dont feel the same. At this point to totally cut ties is a bit extreme.
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a piece of paper can be burned and destroyed but the love your daughter felt for grandpa is in her heart and will be there always. if your boyfriend treats you all great and is there for you be happy forget the others. why give your daughter more sadness by creating a mess
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The boyfriend didn’t write the obit … it is entirely possible that this was merely an oversight in a time of grief.
Why would having a name in an obituary be such a big deal? Surely what truly matters is the relationship the daughter will remember and not some newspaper article.
This sounds a bit petty to me … of course it stings but in the big picture isn’t really a big deal. I know of at least a couple friends — who were biologically related to the deceased — whose names were erroneously not included due to a mistake by the newspaper and NOT because they were being slighted.
With so many things that matter, this doesn’t seem to be worthy of causing issues.
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Nope, the old saying is two wrongs don’t make a right. Your daughter will grow up and be able to make her own opinions. Also just an added note when someone passes the family is distraught when they are trying to put the obituary together and sometimes the obituary is missing someone/something or something is misspelled, etc. This happens more times than you think. My advice is to just let it go and continue discussing the positive things with her about her Poppy. Keep the love and memory alive with only positive vibes. I’m so sorry for your loss and especially for your daughter’s loss.
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Honesty is the best policy. The next time you are with thr family let them know how nit being mentioned in the obituary was very hurtful to you. I dont think it bothered your little one unless you told her but just the fact that you want to cut ties so easily makes one think that you could be one that looks for or starts trouble. As far as your family goes, it might have been a simple mishap. So just ask but don’t be confrontational. Be sincere and tell them how it genuinely hurt you to the point that you contemplated cutting ties. Wondering how your boyfriend felt about it? Thinking you may be overreacting a tad bit. I acknowledge that it hurt but don’t make it hurt more and take your daughter away from the only family she knows.
Really petty! What’s more important is how your boyfriend treats your daughter. Those people will all be gone. Do you two love each other then why give that up and for what, it’s that important and stop crying you are being petty.
You and daughter are not blood related or marriage related you should not be on the card. Plus if this is the only family your girl knows why tear her from it ?
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They didn’t add your name because he’s not her Bio dad. Leave it be the other girl friends kids were blood . Don’t be petty. Your daughter is four can she read ? The only way she will know she was left out is if you tell her and make a big deal .Kids feed off of your energy good or bad. You choose, take the high road.
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If you love him and he love you and your daughter that’s all that matter let it go.My brother passed a few month ago I am the last aunt of the family his kids didn’t put my name on the program but I know he’s my brother and no one can stop that your daughter won’t remember this she’s so young.Forgive and forget and move on.God Bless
Just maybe it wasn’t done on purpose.
I remember when my step mother died, she already dud her own obituary. I added her 2 other great grandchildren on, but i forgot about my niece’s husband. I just really wasn’t thinking clearly. . Grieve does this…
No I don’t think you should💜 my niece was murdered I nor any of my kids were included in the obituary.
I was hurt at first but in the long run it’s really not a big deal immediate family was included.
If they love you and your daughter that’s all that’s important:purple_heart:
This is sad and hurting…
However, let it be for now.
God is closer to brokenhearted ones.
Let time judge and let God give the justice you deserve.
Focus on to Jesus…He will take care of everything.
God is fair.
You may feel unloved, uncared…
But you have the most important love, Father’s love, our heavenly Father’s love. Have faith.
First off let me say some of y’all are so weird to me … she’s “not family” just because she’s “just a girlfriend” You’re forgetting that she said they’ve been in a LONG TERM relationship, years not just a couple months. I’m glad I’m not in any of your all’s families cuZ in my family if people have been together for YEARS they’re family regardless of relationship status. Second, to the poster, I wouldn’t cut off the family because of this I would talk to your boyfriend and have him say something when the time is right, grief is weird and people feel it different ways. Maybe it was an oversight (I have trouble believing that because you said they included others that were just girlfriends and not married) but it’s honestly not worth making a big fight and getting everyone upset during an already difficult time. But your feelings ARE valid and you have every right to be upset. I just wouldn’t make a mountain out of a mole hill and I’d let the boyfriend deal with it.
My son died 2-11-2018. I have had comments that my other son did not do the obuitary the right way. I said to the person. It is very difficult to do when you have had unexpected loss. Your’e in shock. He still didn’t get it annoyed. 
Do what is best for you and your daughter. I say you know what to do. That happened to my son. I cut ties and he is doing fine. A person should never treat a child like that.
Obituaries are for family members to explain their loss… not first, second or third cousins, never mind girl friends. sorry you are offended and yes the man you called grandpa, cared about you, however you are no relation to him. People, Stop carrying you emotions on your sleeve…
I just noticed the Dearly column. Sort of like Dear Abbey column except there isn’t a Dear Dearly who answers questions written to her. The readers are the only ones who asks and answers questions. Seems really silly that some readers are happy or sad with the answers. I hate to burst any bubbles but Dearly is probably not trained as a psychologist and neither are her following. Oh. Again I’m sure there’s no Dearly… I would say to the readers out there don’t take this as professional help… if you really do need help, ask me. I’m pretty old now and married for 62 fantastic years. It hasn’t been a bed of roses, there are lots of ups and downs believe me you have to work at it…LOL, I’m kidding don’t write to me, I’m only a housewife, not a professional.
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Typically, obituaries only include the deceased’s children and their spouses and children, not boyfriends or girlfriends and their kids. As a former newspaper reporter, I find it strange that they included the others at all if they aren’t married (unless their children are biologically related to the deceased?). That being said, it does seem insulting that they would have included the others and not you. If I were you, I would ask them about it before cutting ties completely and see what they have to say to defend that decision. It could have been an honest mistake made while grieving.
No, I’m sure your boyfriend didn’t write the OB. I would talk to the person who actual wrote it and, be open, find out if there was a mistake/ accident made or if it was deliberate. And unless you know, you should love your boyfriend and ask him to help you find out.
The obituary is long gone for formalities. (Remember ace card)
It’s a matter of personal choice who you do and do not list.
Just hold on and cherish the love between your child and grandpa! Support her during her grief.
Let it be! Realize soon it does not matter who was listed. What matters is your child during a very difficult time. Be there for her and LET IT BE
When we went to have my husbands fathers obituary filled out his step mother put “skipper” as first born older brother to my husband. Who was a only child. Skipper was the dog. So on the way home I told my husband that brother of his was a real dog. We still laugh over it.
Have you ever had to sit and plan a funeral the day after your loved one passes? Its pretty difficult to think. I believe it wasn’t on purpose
Technically she isn’t related and the obituary would be correct. A mention of her as a favorite loved person would have been nice. If you and your boyfriend get married she would be a step-grandchild, but if not or you breakup she will never actually have been family. I’m looking at this from a genealogist’s viewpoint.
At those times sometimes people forget. I know I forgot one of my close cousins when my mother passed away. I would ask them.
As someone who has been on the family side of this, it’s a tricky situation. Not everyone was involved in writing the obituary so I would not write off the entire family over this. But there could be some strong feelings from people who don’t feel that people should be listed unless there is a wedding involved.
When my grandfather passed I advocated strongly to include everyone, even though some family members were not happy that we did. At the funeral, the wife of one of my uncles became angry because we hadn’t mentioned her stillborn baby from 20 years prior as “preceding grandpa in death.” I understand it was a painful thing for her and she mourns the loss of that child, but my point is that often it really is just about simplifying it and having a black and white line drawn. It’s an emotional time and someone is going to be upset regardless.
Try to cut the family a little slack. They are grieving. It may have been an oversight. It may have been deliberste. You loved this man and he loved you and your daughter. Grieve for him and leave the anger for later. If you notice what seems to be a deliberate attempt to hurt you or your daughter you need to talk to your boyfriend. Are his feelings a little ambivalent? Then take time to think if you really want this relationship. If he can do something to FIX it okay. If he does not want to act as an intermediary and solve this. You are better off leaving the relationship than spend more time where your feelings are not respected. Harsh I know but better than a lifetime of hurt.
Why would you get mad an obituary is about his family it has nothing to do with the grandfather’s son’s girlfriend and her child. She was not biologically related.
Does your boyfriend stick up for you in instances like this one? He should have your back. Maybe when you find a good time just ask someone is there a reason I or my daughter wasn’t included in the obituary or ask your boyfriend what he thinks.
I feel for ya, my husband of 30 years was not included in my so called mothers obituary. Ya it hurt at first, I for of course can’t question anything, but I’m like whatever.
Having just lost my son, I can tell you what a stressful time the funeral planning and all that goes with it is. Your brain just doesn’t always work right. It may well be that it was just an oversight that they will be mortified when they realize what happened. Ask them gently why you and your daughter weren’t listed. When you know the answer you will be better able to either forgive or move on.
I think this one has to be addressed through the boyfriend and only because it seems like other girlfriends and their children were included. See if he holds your opinion . Let him know that after everyone reasonably recovers from his death that you want the family to know it hurt and made you feel like you and your daughter were insignificant in the scope of how they view you as family when you obviously felt you/they were you and your daughters family. Good luck but don’t throw a family away… Things can get much better
I think you need to tell your boyfriend enough is enough. I would not bother with the family it’s obvious as you stated its one thing after another. They are not going to change. So you either stay with the boyfriend or move on to someone and a family that cares about you and your daughter.
Stop with the cancel culture…here’s an idea…talk to them, see what could have caused the sudden change in behavior. I feel like no one wants to talk anymore, they just want to be done. You cancel them without finding out why first, you’re only hurting your daughter.
My brother passed away and his wife didn’t put me on the obituary bc she was mad at my sisters. I flipped out and told her I didnt give a damn if she was mad at God she had no right to do that. I know longer speak to her. She gave my brothers kids up for adoption and signed all of her parental rights away. It has been 12 years since ive seen my nephews. I dont even know where they live and they have no clue who I am anymore bc 1 was 7 and the other was 4 the last time I saw them. It breaks my heart knowing theyre out there.