Give it Time Beas helpful as you can. Offer to baby sit. For all children Ask her. Is there anything I can do for you. Just keep trying. You never know what can happen
Look into grandparent rights. I hate women like this. I understand not just dropping by, but the rest is bull. Also tell your son he is a loser for me!
Donāt give up!! Your grand will be old enough to recognize whatās going on one day And your heart will rest easier in knowing you did all you could do! Hang in there.
Iām not a grandma but I do have a step mom and sheās claimed my kids as her bio grandmother! My mom died when I was little and sheās been my mom since I was 12 yr. Sheās been a great roll model mom to me and Iām close to her as I was to my mom before she died. She knows her place and always makes sure that my kids know about my bio mom and knows her place and respect my mom who has passed. When my step mom and my dad were getting a divorce she begged me to keep the kids in her life and I would never keep the kids from her. Sheās been amazing to me and my kids. But sadly with my older sister it wasnāt the caseā¦ my step mom did everything she could to keep my sister and her son in her life and she ended up giving upā¦ She never gives upā¦ and itās been so sad to see her do thatā¦ all she can do now is just do the āwishesā and āwhat ifāsā and now I ask you to never give up too! Donāt give up on himā¦ I would hate to see you have to go through that and have the regrets. I can tell that this is a hard decision you have to make and I know youāll make the right one for you! Good luck and Iāll be praying for you!
If your son is a deadbeat dad i donāt blame her for not wanting anything to do with his family.
Her child, her house, her rules. Abide by them and schedule time to see him or donāt see him. Also, it seems you want the appreciation for things you offered, and while manners would dictate you get that, you didnāt and seem to harbor that as a reason to not put forth the effort. Thatās bizarre
DNA test through court first and go from there.
Iām sorry youāre dealing with someone who uses their children as weapons. I would do anything to have parents who cared enough to want to even see my son. My parents donāt do anything that may interfere with their alcoholic lifestyle.
I do believe that a few states have āgrandparentsā rights. You may want to see if you live in one of those states.
See I need more information before I can give to much of a point but I mean it is kinda momās rulesā¦if the baby was early and with everything going on in the world like covid I wouldnāt want a bunch of visitorsā¦Iāve had 3 kids and each time I made plans for people to come over but nobody was aloud to just drop by. Itās a struggle bringing a new child home and it takes time to get into a groveā¦ sometimes that needs to be done without a bunch of people around. But then you are grandma and you should know your grandchild even if your son doesnāt want to. But Iād say follow her rules and it could get better
My husband and I have been dealing with this shit for 4yrs now. We gave up on the son and granddaughter, thanks to the not really DIL. No relationship anymore. Hurts, but f*ck 'em if the adults wanna act stupid.
Not all states have grandparents rightsā¦ In Iowa unless your child is deceased, would you have rights to his/her children, as grandparents. Iām missing out on my grandchildren alsoā¦ I just pray someday that we can mend our relationship.
She has a preemie and we are in a global pandemic.
Never.give.up!They.need.their.time.together.But.your.time.will.comeā¦
Sorry to say, but at least for a while, you may have to let him go. Your son needs to step up, but until he dies, all you can do is let her know that you are interested and available.
Grandma. Show the child with Love everytime you can get over there. Leave the Mom alone. Be respectful to the Mom and take what you can get. This can still be a beautiful relationship. Itās up to you
Well, as a busy mom Iām sure she is having notice of visit is understandable to me. I would be disappointed in my son and sounds like youāre doing your best. Let her know youāre disappointed in him and that you would like to be there as best you can. Donāt give up but definitely try to be respectful that she has a lot going on. Iād text/call from time to time and just try to be as civil and respectful as possible.
Iām going to keep it simple by saying, try to see things from her perspective, as she should do for you as well.
Meaning sheās busy being a mom and taking care of all that entails, so I can see where she wouldnāt want anyone to just drop in on their household.
And she shouldnāt blame you for your sonās behavior or lack of concern. Youāre relationship with your grandchild should be based on just that.
Also, Yes, a thank you is nice and good manners, but remember you are giving from your own free will, from your heart to your grandchild, not her.
Do not pretend like he doesnāt exist. Of course you have to ask when you can see him. You do not just show up because you feel entitled to do so. And duh her house, her rules. My guess is you did not agree to these and this is why you arenāt allowed around. Stop making it about you and do what you need to create peace so you can see your grand baby. If these this is the hill youād die on vs having a relationship with a grand baby, then you donāt deserve to be in his life to begin with.
I feel like thereās more to this story?
She probably thinks youāll turn on her to hurt her in some way, like most men do. My ex did it to me and nearly got full custody of my son thanks to his lies. It took years and him overdosing on heroin for the legal system to finally believe me.
Yeah going by what you explained Iām with mumma!
Yes youāre a grandma-congratulations.
Better believe I will be asked or run by when family on either side of my babies DNA want to visit, no matter how old she gets! Or my teenage boys!
It is also Covid times so Iām definitely going to side with her parent!
My father and grandmother have not met my baby girl and she is 3 months tomorrow! My younger brother and her uncle, aunt, grandma on her fathers side also have not met her. The only whom have met her is my older brother and her fathers father.
Or by friends also for that matter
Being blood does not entitle you to jack!
Do not give up just be patient, try communicating, try not over doing things just let her know when she is ready to accept you and your help you will be there.
Never give up. This is your grand baby. Just talk to her one on one. And find out where her head is at.
If the relationship with your son isnāt great combined with having a preterm baby, she is most likely having postpartum depression/anxiety. She needs space to figure out her new normal. Itās not easy becoming a mother especially without a strong relationship with the father.
I can relate to this in so many ways and I would just give it some time and hopefully sheāll come around, itās been 5 yearās since Iāve seen my oldest granddaughter and Iām never giving up!!!
You donāt pretend you donāt have a grandchild. Who could ever do that? But you do just walk away from the adults and āgo darkā. Let THEM wonder what is going on with YOU, not the other way around. They love the power they have over you and YOU have given it to them. Take it away and go on with your life. Pray for the baby - and the adults if you can bring yourself to do it. Personally I donāt think I could. We are all given crosses to bear in life. Trust me, others have far worse to live with. Donāt dwell on it. Live the life God has given you rather than regretting what you donāt have. Some of us donāt have children at all so will never have grandchildren.
So first I would find out if the state you live in has Grandparents rights. If they do then good for you. Because some states donāt! And you would be out of luck. And it would be by her rules. File a petition to have contact with your grandchild. Then you if even your son doesnāt want connection you still can. Best of luck in that situation.
I donāt think any parent should give up on there children or grandchildren
Thatās messed up
Maybe for awhile keep in touch with just so you know the baby is ok.and you well feel better for it later.so good luck.
Depends where you live some states have grandparents rights but youāll need to go to court
So you want to see a premature baby in the middle of a pandemic and youāre mad the mom and son have put boundaries in place and donāt let you run all over them? They have 3 children to take care of they are busy you are not even close to the priority list. Do you understand any little sniffle you bring that babies way could kill it. And since you sound so entitled I guarantee youād play it off as āallergiesā. Iāve seen too many grandmas who think theyāre wants matter more than the childās/families needs. Also if you do decide to go the GPRs route prepare for you to be the family member they only see at court appointed times. You will never grow the relationship with your son and his family. You will be deemed a danger to their family autonomy by them and they will have nothing to do with you. Iād also like to know how you treat the girlfriend and her children as well.
I am sorry you have to go through this. I will be praying for you situation to get better.
You sound so rude. I donāt care if its your grandson, you donāt just rock up to someoneās house. I wouldnāt want your entitled a$$ around me either. And it seems like youāre trying to put her down by saying sheās got kids to different dads cause literally that doesnāt even matter in this, you just want to try so hard to show shes a bad person. Grow up or yeah you should forget you have a grandchild.
She might be sensitive to being judged and might have felt your rejection to her and her baby when you found out she was pregnant. Think about how you love your son and realize she loves her children too regardless of her relationship with their father. The baby is here now and will absolutely love you when the time comes for you two to bond.
I would recommend you have a one on one with your grandsonās mother and let her know you want to be part of your grandsonās life. Grandparents are very important to grandchildren and vice versa and Iām sure you will be the best grandma ever. Please donāt forget your grandson has two siblings who are just as important.
Congratulations on becoming a grandmother! I wish you the best moments, lots of love and happiness with your grandson.
Is it covid related? Like she wants you to be vaxxed and youāre not?
On and off are u sure the baby is his
Just keep trying. Do as she ask you too and get your foot in the door. Just let her know whatever you have too to let her know that you care and will do anything you can.
It is her house, her rules. She may just be setting boundaries. My in laws have to call before visiting.
I am shocked at some of these comments!
NO never give upā¦ never, ever!
If this mother has a heart she will see that you love your grand baby and just want to be apart of his life! But donāt ever give up
maybe call her and ask her out for dinner with all the children and your son and have a nice talk no jugment or meaness just tell her you would love to know your grandson and the whole famly
Then make an appointmentā¦
Her previous kids and number of baby daddies werenāt relevant at all, thatās just you being judgemental and petty
It is her house and her child so yes itās her rules
Having to make an āappointmentā is perfectly reasonable considering most people donāt like random visitors dropping in whenever they want
Unfortunately the people suggesting you pursue grandparents rights donāt understand what those are and that they arenāt a thing in a lot of states
IF your state recognizes them you would need to prove you have an already established bond/relationship with the baby (which sadly you donāt) and that excluding you would be harmful to the child
I think weāre missing some of the story about WHY she does these things. Her baby, her rules. I wouldnāt give up & I mean this in the nicest way possible but I would tread lightly. You say your son wasnāt ready? Then he shouldnāt of been having unprotected sex with someone that is clearly VERY fertile (hence, her other 3 babies) - being an active grandparent is a privilege.
Just because youāre the grandmother, doesnāt mean you get a pass when incomes to the infants health and safety if you didnāt have such a shitty attitude about her, then you probably wouldnāt be in this predicament
You all. Eed to sit and have a chat about all this and put everything on table and express it out. You would want your son to be a good father and set example to his child.
Kenny N Kelli I live in Oregon if I lived closer I most definitely would want to be a part of you guys life ā¦ I know we have never even got to meet and that is sad.
She is hurt by the son and using grandma as her scapegoat. I hope she comes around donāt give up.
No you donāt. You can go to court and get Grandparents rights. That baby needs you and you need that baby.
It sounds like youāre a control freak. You canāt just drop in on a new mom whenever you feel like it. Not only that, but you seem disappointed about everything regarding this grandchild. They might be better off not letting you come around. Hate to say it, but normally, mom has the last say in babyās life and thereās not a whole lot anyone can do about it outside of legally acquiring visitation.
You have rights as a grandparent. Look into it
There is grandparent rights you can go to court for!
Never give up. That child is going to need you one day.
It sounds like she is hurt and her son is frail - I had preemies - I avoided company for 6 months and by a year hardly anyone had seen my baby - and this is a pandemic -
It also sounds like sheās afraid of being judged .
It doesnāt matter that your son wasnt ready - if he was ready for sex he was ready for a baby - she may feel like you blame her
Sounds like she using and you need a DNA test since it came up so suddenly anyways. It may be that she is like setting her bext plan and deciding if she staying or gonna running to the other possible daddy that she also telling him its his baby too and canāt have ppl bumping into each other if ya know what i meanā¦ DNA DNA
Thatās her baby, thatās the bottom line. Maybe try having a relationship with her first that doesnāt include wanting to just drop in whenever you feel like it.
THIS IS MY STORY NEVER GOTT TO MEET MY GRANDCHILDREN, OR HAVE A grandmarelaitenship. it was her way or the highway. only her family was involvedā¦long story. too.
Coming from someone currently going through a similar issue, there is probably an underlying reason why THEY donāt want you around. My bfās mom is toxic and horrible. She lies and manipulates. She uses drugs and alcohol, and steals from our family. My boyfriend doesnt want her around for many many reasons, and I back that. Not to sound harsh, but it doesnt really sound like we have the full story, their side, and why you arent allowed around their family. My own situation automatically makes me back your son and his girlfriend. Itās their kids not yours, and maybe a little change is in order in your own life before coming back into theirs. Just my thoughts.
GRANDPARENTS have rights!!! Take yours!!!
Damn some of you ladies are being really salty and judgementalā¦
All these people suggesting grandparents right are hilarious in order to get that you have to have already had a relationship with said child and be able to prove that you not being in childs life with severely affect themā¦. In this case It wont
Or your son would of had to die and you would want a relationship with your sons child.
Neither is true so you wont get that
Take her to court for grandparent rights!!!
how long have you met this womans requestā¦ I get your not happy with her life choices and kinda sounds like you wish your son had picked different person or situationā¦ you should take that up with him! I do think it fair to somewhat schedule things since relationship seems rocky and donāt mean hers and his I mean yours and hers however I also think as time passes and you meet her halfway on these things you may find she has more trust in you directly ā¦ Iād also maybe consider deleting this your son doesnāt seem consistent in vistation and fact his mother would consider not being there for my child cause she dislike me! would have me worried that if there was disagreement in future my child would permanently suffer and make me worry not healthy bond to create!! just my opinion tho I also have a 16 year old who knows all of his family despite his bioloical dad not being a part of since age 4
My brotherās wife does this to me and my mom. She is 12 now. I have seen her twice. My mom just quit. I donāt have kids. So she has none. Too much stress and drama.
āI canāt stop by to see him. I have to make an appointment which is bizzare to meā
This right here says it all. You donāt get to just go to someoneās house whenever you feel like it especially with a baby involved. Itās not making an appointment itās called common courtesy. And her limiting visitors for her premie is absolutely the right thing to do. Your āgrandma experienceā means absolutely nothing here. She doesnāt owe you anything. My mom tried this bs with me when I had my daughter and I laughed in her face. It sounds like she had enough of your boundary stomping and cut you off which is her right to do it is absolutely her house her rules. Being a grandparent is a privilege not a right.
Grandparents rights vary from state to state. In Missouri, grandparents canāt be denied visitation for periods over 90 days and the visitation time is minimal.
Seems like this might be a conversation to take up with your son more so than the girlfriend. He has rights and responsibilities as the father and during his visitation times you can have a relationship with your grandchild.
Sounds like a very judgmental grandmother to me, the fact that the whole post started with āshe has three kids with 2 different fathersā right off the bat has me annoyed.
Tbh from stories similar to this I donāt think weāre getting the full scope of things, from the start it seems you looked down on her so I feel itās most likely something you did or continue to do that has you blocked off from their life. Maybe try to reevaluate the whole situation and how you treat people before the pity party
Yāall seriously need to look up āgrandparents rightsā before you start screaming it from the roof tops. Only in select states is that a thing and there are VERY specific/strict guidelines for that to even become a case.
A grandma with her feelings hurt does not warrant āgrandparents rightsā
I am so sorry that you are going through this. It must be one of the most hurtful things you can go through. Give them some room and know that your ideal of being a grandmother may be very different than theirs. Sometimes we need to change our picture that we have created for ourselves and live with the new reality. I truly hope that you will be able to establish a nice relationship with your family. Perhaps they will calm down a bit if you back off, and when they are ready, you can have a discussion with them as to how you can be the grandmother they would like to have for their child. As time goes by they may learn to trust you and accept you.
Donāt ever give up on your grandchild. Iād try no matter the outcome and talk your son into stepping up
She me states have grandparents rights. There would have to be a DNA test. You have to be prepared to pay for an attorney, court fees, etc.
You have to also ask yourself if you are prepared to be in this childās life? An absent grandparent after being there, will be just as hard for a child as an absent parent. Donāt force the issue, if youāre not sure you can follow through.
With having new baby and 3 other kids sounds like she has her hands fullā¦
I wouldnāt want people just dropping by even familyā¦
And especially with Covidā¦
Just phone her and make a date and time that works for herā¦
With new baby Iām sure she is tired .
Put on happy grandma faceā¦be niceā¦she is also very hormonal right nowā¦and make a appointment
Nope go for grandparents tights
Ya just forget, you can always have another one.
Never give up on your grandson.
Grandma dreams are either all or nothing ā¦
Unfortunately human nature can be cruel ,your role is to love unconditionally and even if it hurts like heck not being able to see the child at present just take a step back ,you can do other nice things ,like send a meal over or a gift fir mum ,she might feel you only want to go there to see the child and not make the effort with her ,so yes it might suck but you are there to love not judge .
Maybe when baby a bit older & she feels less protective Iām sure it will work out somehow .keep positive
I think you need to speak with your son to find out why she wonāt let you see your grandson
Its hard really hard to deal with someone like that , I am so sorry , you need to decide whats best for you your feelings , I donāt get to see my grand daughter because of control issues
Lol, no you canāt just show up to someoneās house. Especially that of a new motherās. Sounds like you may have crossed some boundaries. Itās not an āappointmentā, as you call it, itās being respectful.
go for grand parent rights\
Garth Simpson not true. All grandparents do not have rights.
My parents have the same issue with one granddaughter. Her mom yells her child her choice so even us aunts/uncles have given up. We get to see her when the mom decides she wants somethingā¦ My brother has no say in anything. I know itās frustrating but just give the mom space and maybe sheāll come around and realize sheās just being selfish and hurting the child in the long run
I dk we are in a whole pandemic, our youngest was born may 2020 and thankfully I was able to be at the hospital for his birth (we adopt) and honestly with how crazy things where In the world I didnāt tell my own mom about his arrival until he was a few weeks old first because of the pandemic, second so we wanted to respect the window for the birth mom to change her mind and not have anyone else get attached in case the adoption failed. She lives less then 20 mins from me and didnāt get to physical see him until he was a little more then a month. We require appointments for any house guest and we refused all presents for the babyās arrival. We also have 3 older children with asthma and 2 of which have compromised immune system and so no I donāt care who you are you will not
Be allow into my house if you just show up
If he was born early I totally understand where mom is coming from. Preemies have lower immune systems and to have a preemie baby born in a pandemic makes it even scarier as a mom. Iām a mom of a 24 week preemie who is now 3 but we have done lots of isolating durning this pandemic to protect his health. Even a small cold can be deadly to a newborn preemie. I think sheās just being cautious and trying to keep your grandson healthy. Iām sure it will change as baby grows and gets older! Hang in there grandma!
I longed to be a nana my son had a child the mother refused to let us have anything to do with child an was in first lockdown we waited got lawyer proved he was father now see grandchild on regular basis .Iām lucky as this is my biggest fear having four boys an one girl.dont give up contact a lawyer see what your rights are.an good luck I knw itās heart breaking
Her child. Her choice. Especially if your son isnāt involvedā¦ she doesnāt owe you anything & having a new baby in a pandemic with covid cases rising & children affected not to mention RSV is rising- Iād say could be a lot of reasons she is distant. Either way- her kid, her choice.
Seek legal advice . Paternal g/parents nearly always get the shitty end of the stick . They get the blame when the son falls short of his responsibilities as a BF/Husband /father . Iām betting where her mother is concerned , covid isānt even given consideration . Donāt be pushed aside without trying everything you can . She wants you to give up so she can say like mother like son .
No matter what she does or says never give up on your little grandsoā¦ Do what she says and how she says do it. Your grandson wi grow up and he will not forget how you came to see him
They do not forget kindness and the one who shows him kindness. I know been down that road and cried many tears but my grandson loves me and he is married hiself now. Neveler give up God makes a way AMEN
The child is hers and she has the choice. I can say you are being very resentful and judging based on your post. Talking about the motherās history and baby fatherās is not needed. As far as making an āappointmentā itās odd you phrase it that way when most people schedule be a drop by. Most ppl are not ok with anyone stopping by whenever they feel. Yes, you need to schedule a time that works best for the mother and child. The priority right now is mother and baby. You will always be a grandmother but she needs this time to adjust. Be her friend and keep checking in on her. Instead of asking about seeing the baby all the time, ask how she is, if she wants to go out for lunch. Obviously covid is high risk for baby right now and she might be over protective but itās reasonable. Ask to zoom or video call. If you want to be in childās life, you need to be more flexible.
Let her know that u would love to b part of his life even tho ur son(babyās dad) isnt making much effort. Check ur local laws. What research Iāve seen here in texas ,there has to b an established relationship in order for grandparent to have rights.
I would say try and talk to her let her know how much you want to be in your grandsons life.
My ex mother-in-law my sons biological dad mum as only just started seeing my soon properly after 3 nearly 4 years. My situation isnāt the same as Iāve been the one trying to get her and his biological dad involved in his life.
Iāve been trying everything. His grandma just kept randomly messaging like once or twice out the year asking to see him.
I eventually told her if youāre going to have him in your life then youāve got to stick to whatever we agree too. We have now set up an arrangement for her to come and get my son at 10-4 every 2 weeks on a Saturday and sheās stuck to that the past 3 times.
As for your son I doubt there will be anything you could say to him to make him book his ideas up but please donāt stop trying to be apart of your grandsons life even if your son doesnāt want nothing to do with him just like my sons biological dad.
Maybe one day she will actually agree for you to start seeing him.
I was trying from the day my son was born to get them involved.
So grandma whatever you do, do not give up on being a grandma.
I hope this helps and sorry itās long x
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Should I give up and pretend I don't have a grandchild?
As someone who has kids with a deadbeat dad whos mom only sees my kids on the rare occasion he does. Do not stop trying. However if she is asking for you to schedule a time why is that so difficult? I am a working parent, and we homeschool. My family knows not to drop by unannounced as we have routines around here and although my house is by no means filthy i like for it to be clean and perfect for my company and that canāt happen if you just pop on over whenever. My dad does this but theres an exception as his work schedule is so sporadic that i understand everyone else better let me know.
My mom and I are on great terms and no way she would just pop by. I wouldnāt say she has to make āan appointmentā but she asks me when I am free for her to come hang out and I tell her! As far as you giving up. For her to not thank you for anything you get the baby, especially if she asked for it seems rude to me. But at the end of the day she gets to make the rules. It just depends on how much your heart can take! If you think you can handle getting the baby gifts and only seeing him when she says I say be the bigger person and play the long game! She may warm up to you! If not at least you can say you tried. But if you feel like your mental health will suffer for it, it may be best to just send cards and keep your distance. Iām sorry you arenāt getting the cuddles and memories you thought you would.
Grandparents have rights in some courts. Just have to look into it wherever your from. Anyways I would never give up on my grandkids. Always turn it over to Jesus cause He can fix any situation. My grandkids weāre kept from me for a month and I cried and I prayed and it wasnāt long and I got them again.
My momās real mom lost contact with her when she was smaller, but that side of the family never stopped sending birthday gifts (usually a card with $5-$20) once a year, as long as they knew our address. That same family sends birthday cards to MY kids, still. We are not close, there was no bad blood with us and them. Just my mom and her real mother. It may hurt, but maybe just sending gifts when you see fit will be the only way you can have a relationship with your grandchild until the mother and you can come to good terms enough for you to have a closer relationship with your grandson. Time heals, patience is a virtue.
Theres a difference between respect and sounding like a zoo office We would take our daughter on āwalksā with our parents so they could see our daughter during pandemic, I see my mother and MIL with My kid nearly everyday and my daughter loves it. I know I donāt owe them to see my child, but knowing my child has that relationship with them and gives me a small break when they are loving my child, and they respect my boundaries when I set them
I feel like thereās a lot missing from the story. Just be respectful of their wishes and schedule when youād like to come over. We are in the middle of a pandemic, many parents are extremely worried. It seems sheās a little rude with some things but you seem to have an issue with the fact that itās her rules when it comes to her kid which may be caused some discomfort in the relationship.
Sounds like the situation we are having with my husbands family. They tell the same story and talk about how we never let them see our daughter. The thing is we donāt want anybody that isnāt up to date on vaccines are her, including the Covid vaccine, and they choose not to follow that so they are allowed around her.
Iām in the same situation. My granddaughter does not let me see her four month old. My great granddaughter. If I knew why maybe I could reason with this but I have no idea why. I have never done a thing to her. In fact Iāve done everything in the sun I could for her from the time she I was born. Itās hurtful but sometimes you just donāt have any other way but to deal with it.