You wanted your wishes to be respected with your children so respect hers.
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I have no advice only empathy. Iâm so sorry youâre going through this. Itâs very hard especially when the mother doesnât want the kids to have anything to do with you. It makes me so sad and I often cry because I canât see my grandkids. I always pray theyâll know how much I love them 
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Iâm somewhat 50/50 to this. As a mom I can see both sides. But the whole itâs bizarre to schedule and appt to stop byâŚâŚ I personally do not like people randomly showing up at my home. Unfortunately without full details as to what the situation is or her reasons itâs hard to give any input other than you can look into grand parents rights where you live. Otherwise step back the mom might be overwhelmed with raising the child and you pushing to be involved could be triggering the opposite response. Just tell her you would like to be involved and would like to schedule regular visits if thatâs possible.
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Iâd say never give up, with COVID itâs hard. But thatâs just a baby and youâve got to let her protect her baby as any mom would. You can always send cards ask for new pictures because you miss him and hopefully in the coming years you can have a closer relationship
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You raised your son to be that wayâŚ. If the child was born early and spent time in NICU, I donât blame mother for not wanting people around-grandmother or not, weâre in the middle of a pandemicâŚ. âIt was hard to be excited knowing that my son was not ready for this stepâ woman, whhhat?! If he wasnât ready, he shouldâve used precautions. It takes two to make a baby and Iâm sure heâs aware on what causes it. Itâs like your placing the blame solely on her about everything and your son is oh so perfect. Is he involved? Is he respectful towards the mother of his child? Has he went to court for his rights? Buying gifts doesnât automatically grant you access. 
If I felt like I wasnât being respected, youâre not gonna be around me or my family. ALL of my family, close to me or in laws, do not have the right to stop by whenever. I enjoy my space and my privacy. Not my problem if you have an issue with that. At the end of the day, it isnât about you. Itâs their child and if he wanted to be a part of the childâs life, he would be.
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Look into grandparents rights. Take her to court if need be (if she refuses to give into grandparents rights). The court will mandate it. But Iâm suspicious of the baby being âearlyâ. Sounds fishy to me. May be the baby isnât even your sonâs. I would look into having your son get a paternity test first. They are only like $200. May save you alot of heartache down the road.
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I would suggest that you not give up hope on your grandchild but there are a lot of things to take into consideration.
Donât just try to build a relationship with the grandchild. Like it or not, his mother is now a long-standing part of your lives and your relationship with her has to be in good standing as well. If your son isnât fighting for rights or isnât doing well by them, then that bitterness may extend toward you as well. Work on building your own genuine relationship with mom: calls, texts, gifts for her as well. Ask her how she is or if she needs anything. Volunteer to babysit some evenings. Whatever the case may be.
Also, the scheduling is not a bad thing. No one likes unexpected visitors and no one likes anyone to feel like they are automatically entitled to access to their lives and their children. Maybe start with video calls. Itâs a slippery slope because none of us know this womanâs temperament but if sheâs angrily denying you visitation, thereâs most definitely some unresolved hurt and bitterness there that you are going to have to work through. Just be kind, considerate, genuine and never give up and pretend you donât have a grandchild. I hope it works out for you. 
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Where is your son and father of the child?
Is he involved in the childâs life?
Can you imagine the child having to deal with a grand parent who treats their mom poorly and the mom always having to defend her decisions and rules?
I mean it already was mentioned the mom had other kids by other men.
(Maybe thatâs been said a time too many to her)
And I am really curious as to why the son wouldnât step up or want his mom to have a relationship with his child?
Iâm feeling more is going on.
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Is she a single mom? I would send her a msg that you would take all her kids to the park, movies, McDonaldâs⌠in my opinion itâs not about your grandchildren itâs about his siblings as well. If she sees you are trying to help her, then maybe when/if the other kids visit their dads, she will let you see your grand. Leave groceries, bday cakes, $5 in a bday card, Easter, Christmas to each of them. Make it even when all the kids are together and then do what you want when itâs just you and your grand.
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I would write an honest and pleading note to mama. Acknowledge that the things between her and your son are awkward and strained but you are begging to be allowed to see the LO. Itâs not the babies fault and to deprive them of a loving member of the family is heartbreaking. Tell her youâll sit down together and come up with ground rules, limits, etc. and hear out her concerns in a meaningful way.
At this point you can do more good cutting ties with your son in exchange for being in your grandsons life, IMO.
Going through the same thing. Itâs out of our hands 
grandparents have no rights except for certain circumstances . Which this is not. A lot of heartache these Momâs love to be in control, they donât think about what is good for child to have loving grandparents in their lives 
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Never give up grandkids are such a blessing spoil them and give them back I would fight to see mine itâs awesome being a grandmother itâs a different kind of love
All Iâm gonna say is if you try to take her to court for grandparents rights itâs liable to piss her off and cause her to fight harder to make sure you NEVER see your grand baby. Blood relative or not you should should respect her wishes, if she prefers you to schedule a time then do it. I make my family schedule a time to visit my daughter because if I didnât my in laws and my mom would be dropping by at all hours of the day every day and my parents are divorced so doing this ensure they get equal amounts of time with her. But again, respect her wishes and tell your son to grow a set and be a dad, it takes two to tango so if he didnât want to be a dad he should have though about that shit before hand.
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No you do not give up. That is your grandbaby. If your son doesnât want to be involved so be it but that doesnât have anything to do with your relationship with your grandbaby. Try to talk to the Mom and explain how you feel. As far as making an appointment before you go and all the other ârulesâ it is common with this generation. It is a struggle. I went through something similar with my first grandbaby. The second one wasnât as bad. She realized I just wanted to help and be in their lives. Good luck. If everything fails, some states allow Grandparent visitation. Get a lawyer and get visitation rights. I hope it doesnât come to that for you, but no one would stop me from seeing my babies. My son and my grandbabies are my heart.
You mentioned she has different fathers to her other kids why ? Thereâs more missing here has she felt you have judged her ? Have you inadvertently try to over step ? You also have to remember we are in a pandemic so being around children especially is hard . Give it time donât try to push the issue she is correct her house her rules. She may be acting out of anger because of your son or she may not like the energy or she can truly be a heartless monster . Either way whatever situation your son may be going through he needs to handle . We as mommas want to protect at all cost and I get that but unless itâs a domestic violence , drugs , sexual abuse etc kind of problem back off . Just try to be there and keep an open line of communication . Forgetting about your grandchild or pretending you donât have one is not the answer . Down the line that grandchild may want to seek you out . Have patience send little reminders you are there . Send little gifts to your grand baby even if she doesnât thank you in the end you will know you tried your best .
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This happened with my 1st grandkid⌠pregnancy was hid⌠a new daddy was in delivery room not my.son⌠my son finally was allowed to visit 5 min at s time n she would make him leave saying time to breast feedâŚat times she met my son at mcdonalds and he wasnt allowed to touch the baby much the 1st yearâŚI helped him fold dna testing through child support and she had refused nearly a year⌠finally got dna and had to fight to get visitations establishedâŚmy son was youngâŚlost in the system⌠and I told him we needed to have a relationship with his child without mother fighting us⌠6 years old my son gets her on every day given and mother still fights changes and clothing etc⌠but eventually it turned out ok
As I mentioned in my comment earlier, I donât think this is about Covid but Control. I am sure the Mother is devastated that the father isnât having anything to do with their baby. I really feel for her. I will pray for her. I just donât think she should ban the grandmother from being in her babyâs life. I understand about not wanting people over with a baby because of all the sickness going around, just make sure the rules are for everyone. And THANK the grandmother for things she does so she will feel appreciated and not used.
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You canât just stop by someones house without notice, thats just rude and obnoxious. Couldnât think of anything worse then someone just turning up to my house when they feel the desire to.
Yes, it is her baby, her rules.
She should be more thankful for the things you have purchased for her. but if you continue to buy things for her knowing her attitude, it ends up being your own problem and fault. Just stop buying her things.
Donât try to cause problems between your son and the mother by expecting him to take your side and tell the mother off.
We are in the middle of a pandemic and she might be doing what she thinks its right for her household and baby. If the baby was born early its immune system could be quite poor and she is just doing her best to protect her bub.
All you can do is keep checking in and making sure they know that your happy to help in anyway but dont ram it down their throats.
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Its really outta your hands. But id never, never, NEVER give up on family. Pray for her, and maybe someday she will come around.
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Daughter in laws with their own issues are the worse. I have some. And yes if u donât play by their rules they can make that part of your life hell.
Iâm so sorry
Good thing itâs not your âwhole lifeâ.
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My mom used to also say âmake an appointmentâ to see her only granddaughter. Itâs not awful to let a person know when to expect you so they can clean up and be presentable. Are you coming off the same way to her and pushing them away?
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Are u sure itâs ur son is the father? That might be a reason why ur son isnât stepping up or not caring. That might be a reason why the mom isnât much help.
My friend had 2 possible fatherâs until the test came in she made everyone involved to schedule and make time for everyone.
Just keep trying and donât rock the boat. She probably has a lot on her plate so donât be difficult. Until your son gets it together, she is the one you have to deal with. Make her life easier and be supportive and it will go farther.
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This woman is a bleeping bleeping bleeping an your son is gonna need you soon when she does what she did to the other 2 men to yr son so patience is yr best best
Donât give upâŚ! me as a mom, if you donât try then Iâm not trying for you. My kids will know who wants to spend time with them and who donât. Plan times to see the kid. Itâs not hard.
I feel like Iâve been told thereâs grandparents rights?? Not sure but I donât think sheâs doing because of you sounds like if she donât want nothing to do with your son period she would still have to deal with him if you were in babies life?? Does your son have a relationship with baby or zero parenting from him?
One, weâre in the middle of a pandemic. Limited visits are very understandable especially if the baby was a preemie. Two, nobody wants someone to just pop up at their home unannounced. Three, RSV is going around like wildfire and is what almost killed my son at 3 weeks old. Being a grandma is where you transfer from making every decision for your child, to letting go and trusting that your raising of your child has given them everything they need to make the correct decisions for their children.
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U said your son wasnât ready to b a dad but u got a grandchild yes itâs hard but maybe write her a nice letter and say u want to b in his life I know how it feel my grankids donât c there dad his choice it hard sad mayb she scared he child will get rejected u kneed to try any fine out the real truth if u do that at least u tried goodluckx
Aww just be patient , hopefully she comes around . Grandparents are a big part of kids life . I have always told my kids, you have mom and dad and thatâs all you need anyone else is extra . Maybe sheâs hurt with your son , but you are not your son . Hugs 
Check in to grandparents rights. You may have rights to him depending where you live. Iâm from Indiana. My cousin has a daughter with a not so nice girl. She uses the baby as a pawn at times. His dad went and got grandparents rights now they see her even when mom doesnât want them too.
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I wonât allow my husbandâs mother to be in my or my childrenâs lives, bc she is a RAGING alcoholic and has been for the last decade or more. She has caused SO many issues bc of her behavior and actions that itâs just not safe for her to be in my kids lives. Not going to get into the whole story bc itâs just TOO much honestly but she went so far as to impersonate me and cancel the insurance on my vehicle, that I drove my kids around daily in, and when we had an accident, we got screwed bc of it. Toxic is toxic, whether itâs family, or not. I do understand that there are people that wonât allow certain people in their kid(s) life, all bc of pettyness, but thatâs not me. Is there a reason she would not want you around her kid, other than the issue with the father? Maybe try talking to her and let her know that you donât want to be in the middle of the adult issues but you would like to establish a relationship with the child and see how you ladies can make that happen, if possible. I truly wish you the best of luck. When my mother in law was sober, she actually was a really great grandmother, but her alcoholism just completely took over, and as my babies protector, I just canât allow that back into their lives.
Maybe try apologizing and asking if you can work thru issues. Tell her you just want to be part of the babyâs life and itâs hurting your heart. Seems deep. Did u offend her?
My advice is this. She could be a complete toxic B, but at the same time your son could be the complete toxic B. If sheâs not the toxic one, she could be protecting herself and her child from toxic behavior that will affect that child for the rest of its life and her in current time. Part of avoiding toxicity is avoiding the toxics persons closest people which would include his momma. Personally, having experienced a situation somewhat similar, I would make sure to stay neutral on both sides. Listen to her. If she tells you something awful your son might have done to her donât defend him. Stay neutral and try to see both sides. My daughter went through this. The toxic father of her child told lies and smeared her to his family when he was the one that was out of line. They defended him and came at her instead of trying to see both sides and accept that their son was an abuser, they were partial to their son/grandson. For awhile, my daughter cut them off too. Rightfully so! He lied and manipulated and made them believe things that werenât true. I witnessed this guy spank their daughter at 3-4 weeks old because she cried when he wiped her face. They got mad at me for publicly shaming him for this. If you want a relationship with your grandchild, make sure you see both sides and remain neutral until you know the truth. At that point, make sure you tell her or him, whichever one needs to fix the toxic the TRUTH! My daughter is still with him and my daughter isnât perfect. When sheâs toxic I tell her, when heâs toxic I tell him. I call it like I see it, but to get to that point I had to separate myself and my bias and see everything for what it really was.
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Iâm so sorry thatâs not ok for her to be that way. But I donât think grandparents have much say so sadly.
Put ur pride away and do whatâs needed to be a part of the childâs life. You have to decide whatâs more important to u.
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I am this way towards my MIL and SIL⌠they never congratulate me on getting pregnant. Never asked how I was feeling or if I needed anything. When I had they baby never once got a call or text saying congrats. No baby shower. When I did it a card from my SIL it was the wrong event and she just scratched it out and wrote congratulations. Theyâve made no attempts to see the baby, help with the baby. Nothing. I guess if they wanted a part of his life theyâd contact me but never do. Iâve made attempts and get no where. Would there be a reason that the mom is acting this way towards you? Regardless if your son doesnât want a part of this babyâs life⌠your still blood your still family you should try and get to the bottom of it and see whatâs going on.
Just cause sheâs having a baby that is part your blood and makes the baby your family doesnât mean sheâs obligated to one like you and two want you around all the time not everyone is for everyone and if thatâs the issue keeping people who Will be draining to your mental health as a mother raising kids you need to back off till sheâs ready to give you that access if the kids are in good hands leave the mother to be we only have one side but a GOOD mother has the last word with theyâre kids Thereâs so many factors that come up to a mom not wanting theyâre MIL around so could be you whoâs the problem and it could not be who knows but no one should be forced to like someone they donât wish to like and allow them access to theyâre life and that includes kids since she gave that baby life sheâs got the last word if thatâs not respected that says a lot about you as a person
Sounds like our situation. My son was engaged and as soon as his fiancee had my Grandson in February (he is almost 6 months) she ended things and we only get to see him when she brings him to visit on her terms and she sits here the entire time. Your son will have to do like mine is and take her to court to be Legitimized and get visitation rights thru the court. Till then make arrangements to see him when you can.
I had 2 babies that were premature and both were in the NICU for a long while(one for 14 weeks). And I couldnât bring them home unless EVERYONE was current on vaccines, no one smoked and not around too many people for first few months being home. Couldnât have the kid exposed to too many people/elements for months due to low immune system, respiratory concerns, and so fourth. And I straight up had to tell a lot of people(I have the oldest and now the youngest grandbabyâs) that they couldnât meet my kids for the first few months. And this is all before the pandemic. So I can see where the motherâs stance could be⌠And also I wouldnât doubt some if this situation is dependant on what the relationship is with the childâs father.
If your son doesnât want to be involved you have to respect his decision but if she is bullying him into not wanting to be a part of the childâs life he can always go to court to work something out even f itâs just every other weekend to start. 
That sounds like a very difficult situation to deal with. I had a hot and cold relationship with my daughters dad for a long time but I always made sure we had time for his family members even when he didnât want to be around.
Looks like your son has yo step up his responsibility not yours then maybe the mum will build a relationship with u and your grandchild
Grandparents can petition for visitation rights. Personally I would do that and that will establish set and consistent visitation with your grandchild giving the child structure of seeing you consistently.
Parental rights as a grandparent. Go fight for your rights even if your son doesnât want anything to do with the child. You can get visitation
Some states have âgrandparents rightsâ. You would have to go through the courts, but it can be ordered that you have a certain amount of time with the child each month. Your best bet is to check with an attorney.
Sheâs absolutely right. You canât just drop by any time you want to. She seems reasonable to me.
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Im sure youâre not the mil she dreamed of either and if your own son isnât sticking up for you or trying to rectify the situation itâs probably you not owning up to whatever it was that lead to this 
Can take it legal. Itâs called grandparents rights. Itâs not as good as parental rights but does make her let you visit
I would always keep the communication alive , card for birthdays , Christmas
Etc . I donât know the cause of why she wonât let you see him . But donât give her an excuse to keep you from him . It may take some time but hopefully sheâll do the right thing
In the state of Montana, grandparents have rights to their grandchild. Not sure where you are located or if this is a law where you are residing. But there is no reason she should be withholding this child from you when all you want to do is give baby loves & be the grandma you dreamt of being.
Jumping to court is kind of a rough thing to do, but I would give it one last shot with her in talking. Open up completely & try to figure out what her concerns are. She may just be scared that her child would be around your son. But donât give up on the baby because thatâs all the more reason she has to withhold him from you. Keep fighting for him & itâll lighten the situation to her that you will always be there for baby no matter what comes in your path.
She may be so angry with your son she doesnât want anything to do with the dad , you and other family memebers
What does she having 3 kids with 2 different dads have to do with your question??..
You go to court and get grandparent rights. Thatâs what you do. If you wait too long, you canât do it and you might never see him againâŚor⌠you hire a lawyer for your son to get his other other weekend and you pick up the child for him so you can see the baby even if youâre sonâs a deadbeat.
You could technically take her to court for grandparent rights
Grandparents have rights. Make sure itâs biologically related then get a lawyer
I think itâs crappy thereâs no Grandparent rights. I have 3 granddaughters and one on the way, I donât have to deal with this thankfully!!! Maybe son needs to do man stuff and step up?
Your son needs to go to court. That is the only way to see your grandson at this point. Go get that court ordered paternity test. Make him step up and be a father. Let him know you are there to help.
But itâs important to try to be on good terms with mama.
Go for grandparents rights where you will be able to see the grandchild without her rules
Maybe its not yr grandkids maybe its the other 2 guys
You can file with the court for visitation. Itâs called grandparents rights. It may depend on state you are in though
Take her to court honey you have grandparents rights
Lol be a grandparent and follow her rules!
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Take her to court grandparent rights
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Keep making appointments and keep showing up. Keep it polite and on topic of the grand baby.
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Oh honey Iâm sorry, I want to be a grandma one day so bad Iâd be shattered.
Never stop trying one day she will appreciate you
I do hope you donât give up⌠love him from afar.
I have a niece and nephew I donât get to see nor does my mom and my brother passed away 2 years ago itâs so sad
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There is nothing worse than people who come by unannounced. Of course you need to schedule. It makes me think you donât respect her wishes. When my baby were small. People would come over and not take me seriously when I asked to wash their hands before touching the baby. It made me so mad
I donât know all states., but there is a Grandparentâs law. Contact a Family attorney.
Best wishes
Does she have post partum depression? Has your relationship been strained with her in the past? Both are things that may make her not want you around. Each baby is different and sheâs trying to navigate parenthood. Plus thereâs the pandemic and with baby being early, that makes it more susceptible to sickness. My daughter was a nicu baby and we isolated for a month or so after she came home and that was in 2018 before the pandemic. I would make your intentions known and then wait it out and let them contact you.
Please DONT ever give up on your grandchild! I was adopted and ALL my grandparents were the most important people to me growing up and even now in my 40s. Letâs just say the adoptive family didnât go so well but I still have mad love for my grandparents I hope this helps. Iâm sorry to and the child have to endure this!
You do have rights as a grand parent
Why are you glossing over the fact that you son seems to have no involvement in this childâs life? Heâs the father. He needs to grow up and step up and they need to work out a custody arrangement. If heâs regularly taking care of his kid, youâll have access to the child through him. If heâs also not letting you see the child, that shows that you are the problem, and if he isnât involved at all thatâs a much bigger issues than her stopping you from seeing the kid (though I disagree with that decision).
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Im always about do it for the kids sake. Suck up pride for the kids sake. Any and all issues you have with her you put it away and try and work it out. I hated watching my family grow up always fighting with each other. It was so toxic. I would say respect her as the babies mother. Talk more with your son. See if there is a way to get through to him. Also do not give up. I wish my fathers side had cared more even though my mother was difficult would have been nice to know growing up they gave a crap about us. I did not shed a single tear when my fatherâs parents passed away. Donât let that be your future.
Donât give up. That baby is your blood! If you have to schedule a time to see him, do it. At least youâll be seeing him. Maybe you can cultivate a relationship with his mom so that she can eventually trust you.
Are they still together? Or is she taking it out on you? Itâs hard and it sucks but maybe heâs the reason sheâs not letting you. Like if heâs twisting words. Iâd overstep him and go straight to her, maybe yâall can work something out
NEVERâŚKids donât know just how much grandbabies need their Nana an Papas!!
Sheâll need you at some point. Just pray about it.
Lol⌠couldnât edit. Was going to say some people are just stupid.
Not your experience. Itâs hers.
I wish my kids grandmother would have a relationship with them she chooses not to since my husband passed away non of his family has even tried to make an effort
Itâs not always the moms
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Iâd be more worried about the fact that your son isnât stepping up and being a man & father in a situation he helped to create.
Start there
I would feel LUCKY. If my kids grandma actually wanted to be in their lives .
She hates me because she wanted his ex to be his partner so bad and took ot out on my kids calling them mistakes but SHE loves them . It broke my heart so thats why they havenât seen her ⌠i think u need to talk to ur son or try to reason with her its not the babies fault
You donât see the grandchild when your son has visitation? Or does he not have visitation? Thatâs when you should see him, on your sons time with the child.
I mean, sheâs right. Her child, her rules. If your son isnât making an effort. Move on. Because clearly your kid doesnât give a damn if you see the baby or not.
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I would like to hear the other side also some of these grandparents be being messy nowadaysâŚ
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Where Iâm from⌠the grandparents have rights. Go to court
Talk to your son about why is he trying to turn a whore into a housewife then maybe you will get your answer on what you should do
Grandparents legally have rights . Talk to a lawyer
No! Also u have grandparnets rights. Ull have to hire a attorney. If u cant afford one call legal aid
These young parents today are narcissistic assholes. My Grandma was the only person I knew growing up to have any sense. But, these control freak kids think they know it all and love to manipulate to get money or gifts, but donât give a damn how their abusive behavior affects these babies. Itâs sick and detrimental to ALL children born to these people.
Tell this little snotrag when youâre available and then see that child when you can. Document everything! Including money and gifts you give. Itâs sad that you have to do this because some little whore popped out a baby by your ill-equipped son. Just do your best. Love from afar. You canât fix stupid.
I donât know what state you live in but here in California you have grandparents rights i would go to court and get them
Iâm not sure what state you are from but some states have grandparent rights. Look into it
Donât have any advice just
Grandparents have rights also. Call an attorney
You can file for visitation rights.
Get a lawyer and fight for grandparent rights.
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Depending on the state You can get grandparent rights to visit the child
Many states have grand parent rightsâŚ
Some states have âGRANDPARENTS RIGHTSâ some donât ask a lawyer