It’s your car so why would he do things you’re perfectly capable of doing yourself without you asking, he would be helping you out so yes of course you should ask him rather than just expecting it and making passive aggressive comments. Why does him being a man mean that he should do what you want without even asking, as a woman why can’t you be the same and do things for yourself. You feel like you shouldn’t have to ask him to sort out YOUR car, he’s a man, just ask him outright don’t go expecting him to or making snide comments
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If he sees it needs to be done he should do it, but that’s a two way street. If he’s waiting for you to ask him he might be feeling under appreciated for things that he does already, needs acknowledgment and thanks. Men need that just as much women do. Be kind, your partner is communicating.
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No u shouldn’t have 2 ask him he should just do it
We take turns actually. Normally he would clear the walk and dig out the cars. This time around I did it. It’s about being a team.
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I dont agree your wrong and I think comments on here show why relationships are in dire straits. We all have needs and they have to be communicated. If you do not feel cared for he isnt a mind reader or maybe not capable of what you need. That’s for you to decide and communicate. I have an amazing guy that will, without being asked, even turn the car or truck around in the driveway so it’s easier for me. He has had flowers delivered to me when I’m getting my hair done. He gets upset if I take my car in but he cant do it all. We compliment each other in our abilities and show love for each other that way. There is no right or wrong, it’s not a relief just to have a man. Those train of thoughts are plain scary.i do make sure he knows how much what is does for me is appreciated so he never feels used and he does the same for me
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I dont NEED anyone to do anything for me, but would I like certain things done by someone else. Yes…so me as an adult ASK them to do, not just give a statement. If you expect him to do these things,then TELL HIM you expect these things out of him. But dont be surprised if he turns around and says he expects certain things from you.
Its all about communication in your relationship.
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First: is there a physical reason you couldn’t fix your own wipers or cleann off your own windshield? If you don’t have a physical disability do it yourself. Why would you assume he should? My 17 year old daughter does hers while her bf sits in the car. Not that he didn’t try to do it but she was raised to take care of what she can on her own. Now he has gone out and cleaned off her car while she was doing a chore but he chose to…she didn’t ask.
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It’s probably not what you need him to do but HOW are asking him to do it, don’t tell him… ask him like you would if he were any other person.
Did you clarify you wanted a servant and not a partner? Does your husband make statements about how he’s hungry, then silently waits for you to understand it’s time to make dinner?
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Is… Is this a joke?
Use your fking words and ASK him when you want something. My boyfriend is one of the most helpful people I’ve ever met and is willing to help me with most things, but I ASK him to help? He can’t read your mind and having things you want constantly hinted at rather than you coming out and saying it would irritate me to no end.
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He not your slave. Grow up and take care of it yourself. As a single mom I do it all on my own. Grow up and be thankful you have someone to help you.
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It could be he’s looking for words of affirmation? Sometimes the little things like manners, kind words, and actions can feel redundant. Having someone ask can make you feel valued instead of it being something else on the to do list.
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Mine is really good about cleaning off all the cars and windshields before he goes to work at 4am, I’ve never asked. He usually pulls the wiper blades up so they won’t stick.
Men think in a different way then women just ask him politely he may just want to feel like you need him as a helper not that you expect him to do things for you as a servant.
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Please and Thank You go a long way…
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Umm… I am a human with opposable thumbs so I do it myself. I don’t typically bash people so I’ll be nice about it, get off your lazy butt and stop expecting people to do everything for you. You honestly sound like my 7 yr old who gets mad when I don’t help her because she doesn’t ask for it. We tell our kids to speak up when they need or want something and as an adult you are perfectly capable of speaking up
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My husband is very considerate of me,but sometimes he lacks common sense. I sometimes have to ask for things and sometimes I don’t. He works very hard and I understand. A marriage is hard work. You need to give a little and he needs to give a little. Maybe he was just having an off day. Be patient and ask for help when you need it. Communication is key in a marriage.
Personally, I don’t expect my husband to do anything for me that I can do myself. And I’m definitely not asking for help unless it’s something I absolutely can’t do myself. I can understand his frustration though, if you want him to do something just ask don’t assume he knows what you need/want done.
I do not. I leave for work at 0350, my husband gets out of bed to go warm up the car for me. Never let’s me pump gas and always opens my doors. Quite a gentleman.
I agree with your husband- ask 
If it’s “our” house it should be “our” problem. He’s your partner not your servant
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You’re a grown woman who should be completely capable of cleaning her own car off. There’s absolutely no reason that he should be expected to do it for you. And if this isn’t the only area where you treat him as though he should be “expected” to do things for you that you’re perfectly capable of doing yourself, then I imagine hes starting to feel as though you’re taking advantage. And I’d have to agree with that assessment.
I’m not saying this to judge you or shame you, I’ve found myself getting complacent with the things my husband does for me to the point I start expecting it…and that’s not ok.
He’s not an accessory, pet, servant, employee, or child. Hes a grown human adult who has feelings just like I do…and he deserves to be treated as such.
Going to edit for clarification…
I’m not saying kids, pets, or employees feelings don’t matter. I am saying it’s ok to expect them to do things for you. Like its completely appropriate to expect my kids to pick thier messes up without being “asked nicely” so I dont have to. Its completely appropriate to expect my dog to do her business outside so I’m not shampooing carpets multiple times a day. It was completely appropriate my boss expected me to show up on time and do my job without being asked.
I can expect my husband to tell me he loves me without being asked. I can expect him to be faithful without being asked. I can expect him to be a parent without being asked. But expecting him to do things I’m capable of doing without asking or at least being appreciative when he does isn’t ok on my part.
I’m only one-half of the marriage. He’s the other half and his feelings matter every bit as much as mine do.
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My husband is old school. He would rather do it for me, our neighbors and anyone else he felt he could help. I’m far from helpless… he’s just respectful. Ps… while I’m cleaning off his car he’s in the kitchen cooking a kick ass meal. It’s not about not being able to or being lazy. My husband does it out of love , and respect, and because he’s a gentleman.
This comment section is filled with women who are obviously fighting for number 1 spot on who’s husband is better than who’s… what happened to women supporting women. Bringing this woman down sure must boost yalls egos. I would hate to be yalls friend 
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Your entitlement is showing 
men arent mind readers. Ya want it, ask him!
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You just said “our house” and “our car” our=both of you so BOTH of you can do stuff. Are your hands broken or are you just lazy? It’s really not that difficult to clean a car off.
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Lol I clean off my man’s car man’s car or go start his car for him sometimes. And sometimes he does the same for me. It’s called respect or being nice. Never expect someone to do something for you especially with your attitude.
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YTA. Soz. Imagine if he gave vague hints at things he’d like someone else to do for him. You’d get pretty pissed off.
Geez. Some people must have just been born with a silver spoon up their arses.
Wtf is wrong with you??? If he honestly just isn’t doing shit for you do it yourself and be fucking proud you dont need a man to do it or are you wanting to go back to the times where women stayed home as housewives and men worked and did everything but cook clean and raise the kids. Give your head a shake
I mean I dont exactly have to ask ym fiance do do things like this, but he does appreciate being told thank you for them. He appreciates knowing that it’s acknowledged. In todays society men arent the only ones expected do these things, men and women are (almost) equals now. My fiance shovels/plows, lays salt down, starts the car to warm it up, because we have a 3 year old who im inside getting around while getting myself around. If at 11pm when I have to grba him from work there needs to be more salt laid down or shoveling to the car I do it with a 3 year old in tow. We have responsibilities split pretty equal. He works I stay home with our kid (was suppose to start working november 4th myself but almost died october 24th and was told I wasnt able to for at least 6 weeks per drs orders), he does the winter maintanence while I maintain the animals and child inside, he lets dogs out after work at 1 am because ive let them out since 4 pm. It’s all about treating each other as equals and appreciating the things each other does wether big or small. Its not always up to the man.
Those are not things I would ask of any man. Heat up the car, scrape off the ice and the wipers will no longer be “stuck”. Now if I needed the breaks replaced or something more serious I would definitely ask him. I certainly hope, for your sake, that the new car has remote start.
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Thats a whole Lotta passive aggressive right there. You are perfectly capable of doing it yourself or asking if he’d PLEASE give you a hand getting it done and THANK HIM for taking his time to help you out.
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I would never have to ask…my MIL trained my Hubby 
I dont have to ask but I can also do it myself. I never expect him to do these little things.
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I believe you work as a team and he should not be expected to do things for you. You are not helpless. By him saying is the something you want to ask me. Is his way of saying you can do things yourself unless you ask for help. You are treating him like unfair
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Coming from someone who has her own vehicle. If im first one to leave the house I clean off both vehicles plus shovel the step and if needed end of the driveway. My hubby does get mad at me if I do more then the must lol but he appreciates my helping out and doing it without being asked. Especially if he’s got our son for the day it saves him from having to bundle him up to do it.
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Maybe he’s seeking praise from you? Have you been more irritable lately? Have you ever learned to i don’t know, use the worlds please and thank you when you ask someone to do something for you. No offense, buck up and clean off your own windshield if your gonna be a jerk about it. He doesn’t NEED to clean YOUR car.
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No, I think as adults in a PARTNERSHIP you can either ask or do it yourself. He’s not a mind reader and why would you expect him to do something you don’t want to do? You think he does want to do it lol
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I don’t ask for shit, unless it’s something I need help with. BUT my dad’s advice is if you asked a few times and it’s still not done, then start doing it yourself, struggle hard moan and groan. Eventually it’ll get done by the other person haha
Is there a reason he has to do it?
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I’m sorry, did you just say you got a new car and instead of expressing excitement and gratitude youre upset because he wants you to use your words like a grown up?
Sorry if that sounds harsh, but I’ll guess that its not the first tine he’s asked you to just ask. I go through this with my kids. Rather than be NEGATIVE and complain about it, ASK HIM TO FIX IT. And CLEARLY he does what you ask! Its probably annoying to him to hear you gripe about thinhs rather than just ask. It brings the vibes down and turns a positive (he’ll gladly do as you ask) into a negative (complaining about the situation.)
Most people are struggling right now. I’m barely making ends meet trying to survive lay offs and my ex suddenly not paying any child support. But when I ASK my bf for something he makes it happen. If I just complained about it it would bring him down and thats not fair. So just sit back and see your blessings and show some gratitude and be thankful that you have a good man who will do things for you befre you lose him because he doesnt want to deal with childish whining.
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As a woman- it’s time you get out and clean your own windows off. Why ask him? You got arms
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I think it’s weird that he talked to you like that. I understand exactly what you are saying. Remember how an older child talks to a younger one, “What’s the magic word?”, Or how we teach a toddler, “What do you say?”. That is what this feels like to me. It’s demeaning. I wouldn’t let that sh*t stand.
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Oh goodness gracious. You sound like a real treat. Maybe learn to take care of yourself? My husband does what he can, but I don’t expect a thing.
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Someone feels entitled because she is a female. It isn’t his sole responsibility. Shit I clean off my mans car for him sometimes and I start warming it up for him. Then again we are equals and that’s how we treat each other.
I mean my husband does do these things for me most of the time and I never have to ask but I appreciate it when he does but I don’t get bent out of shape of he doesn’t either…
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I have no problem helping myself and doing things for myself 
we also do work as a solid team but maybe he thinks it’s odd you expect him to do everything lol
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If this were the other way around and he expected you to insert whatever domestic task , would you be upset?? In a marriage you need to let go of that role shit. Everyone can’t always give 100% of the time and you have to sometimes fill in for them and vice versa. You will be ok. Get some de-icer spray at AutoZone.
I would never expect my partner to do something just because he’s a man. And he wouldn’t expect me to do something just because im a woman.
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Oof no one owes you anything, even your partner. If you want him to do something, then ask! Anything he does for you is out of the kidness of his heart. He doesn’t have to do anything
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I think the days of guys doing this kind of thing are gone… I loved my dad starting my car or checking my tires… it was the way he showed he cared… I want to teach my son to be that kind of person to his wife. Most veiw it as “not my job” anymore.
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Lmao… girl you need to grow up.
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No, you shouldn’t have to ask him especially when you went to the new car where he obviously could see he needed to wait for the ice to defrost. I’m going to tell you your going to get a lot of mixed answers here because some men don’t even know how to take the trash out without being told, some don’t open the door anymore for their wives, they have to be told to help out with the kids and some need to be told about everything. When my husband and I used to leave around the same time he would start both cars and clear them. Honestly it also depends the way your brought up
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I was raised old school ( I’m 37). My dad always has and still to this day does those things without being asked. That’s what I’m use to. I don’t and never have expected that so I’ve always done it myself. I’m stubborn and VERY independent so I don’t ask for help. With that being though, I don’t feel like I should have to ask to have a car cleaned off or shovel the deck and side walk. My husband lives here too. He’s just as capable, yet sadly, I do have to ask him to shovel when we get snow. Most the time like 99.9% of the time I just do it. It’s like he doesn’t see it,lol. That’s where the old school comes into play, the man should do it but then the independent me is like " oh hell no, I got this". 
I do it all. I warm up the vehicle, I shovel, I clean the the snow off. Your a grown independent woman do it your self
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The biggest point is just cause someone is a man does not mean the have a specific gender role to clean a car for a women
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Well l clean my own car off and if l need help l ask and there are times l clean his truck off and when l go get gas l fill my car and than l will go fill his don’t sweat the small stuff just roll with it man are not mind readers ask for help when needed
Honestly sometimes it’s frustrating to have to always be trying to pick up hints of what you want us to do. Thats why alot of us just want you to ask. We can get into the whole “you should just know to do it” debate if you want, obviously shared house chores excluded I think if you want your man to do something just ask. Don’t do the hint thing. It’s frustrating.
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Yes. Yes you are ridiculous.
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Maybe that’s just not the way he shows love or care maybe he has a different style of doing that. Maybe it’s just a matter of he really doesn’t see that you need it and needs to be verbally acknowledged from you. Perhaps he feels more caring and cared for when you trust him enough to ask him for something.
He sounds petty but he’s probably fed up of your self entitlement
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It sounds like he just wants some recognition for the things he does. Not that he doesn’t want to do them for you. Nothing wrong with using a please and thank you. 
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If I want something done I just ask my husband to do it and he does it. There are times where it’s obvious it needs to be done and he will just do it. It’s not a big deal.
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Unless you have a real health condition No. I have a health condition. My husband cleans my suv off for me. I dont have to ask. That is literally the only thing i dont have to ask for. And if hubby is at work my FIL does it.
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Pretty sure you have hands as well… does he expect you to cook and clean and do all the laundry just cause your a woman?
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Lol you can do it yourself? If it’s something you need help with how is he supposed to know if you don’t say anything… this is a silly question
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Sounds like he’s been feeling how you feel. You don’t feel like asking but take his willingly gets things done for granted? Probably not a matter of how easy things are to get fixed maybe your attitude? He’s been tired of?
Don’t hate me I am just guessing. If you don’t want to do it yourself how about asking him in a nice way? What makes you think he should be doing things for you when not asked?
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Why can’t you do it yourself? Why does a man have to do it?
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So I came here expecting people to say your husbands being a dick but it’s the opposite and I’m 
. In my opinion, yes, your husband should notice these things need done and do them as the man of the family HOWEVER if you know that he prefers to be asked, then instead of implying, I would just start asking nicely. We all have to adjust to our partners needs on certain things and sounds like this might be one of those things for you. I’m still a little baffled he wouldn’t just do it for you but 
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Your husband or what ever he is should always help you to make sure you are safe!!
I brush the snow off my husbands car all the time. I shovel snow sometimes too. It’s a two way street. But I don’t need to say anything wise cause enough other people have already said it lol
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It sounds as though he feels you are constantly barking orders at him and he would like to be asked and not “told” about things that need doing. Think about the way you normally talk about things that need done. Are you in fact “barking orders” at him? would you like it if he approached things this way with you? Is it a lot harder to say “would you clean the windshield?” verses “Windshield needs cleaning” It seems as if he’s already thought about all this and maybe you need to now as well.
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Oh my I smell self entitlement. Women wanted equal rights as men so women can do the same things men can do. No man has to cater to any woman no matter what anybody says just the same as women don’t have to cater to men. It’s not hard to ask for help if you need help ask. Don’t just assume someone knows what you’re thinking and what you’re hinting at.
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I clean my own car off, I shovel my walk way and porch off. If he is home he takes the trash out, if he is not home and it needs to be done I do it. We are equals in our home, if I need him to do something I ask, but many things I do by myself. He goes to a job he hates every day, so I do not bother him with things I am capable of doing myself.
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My husband likes to stand behind me a watch me do the dishes. Impatiently waiting for me to spend time with him… like…HELLO… if you help I’d be done sooner. Or he stares at the tv while I fold 6 peoples laundry that’s all our bed. Meanwhile he’s waiting to lay down 
Communication you need to learn to talk to him and ask shit I ask my husband to help all the time I can do it myself no issue but we have 2 kids so if I’m busy I’ll ask him to do girl you sound a bit immature learn to pick and choose your battles
You sound kinda self entitled he doesnt have to clean your car you know how so yes you should ask him to help you
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I don’t ask my husband to do shit. I just tell him what needs to be done. Sometimes he’s already done it and sometimes he jumps up when I walk into the room. gotta keep them going!
Do you just suck his D or does he have to ask you to do it??
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Just ask if you need something, he can’t read your mind.
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I don’t think it’s unrealistic for you to want this. I personally would like my husband to do things without me asking, because my love language is acts of service. However, it seems like he is communicating with you his wants and needs, and if it’s as simple as changing the way you phrase things I would go ahead and do it. It was nice of him to communicate that instead of internalize his feeling about it. But I understand where you are coming from
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This is 2020. Stop being helpless. We, as women want to be treated equal to men, this means that we must help ourselves. I would be annoyed if my boyfriend jumped out of the car and tried to take the ice scraper out of my hand. Hello, I am capable of scraping ice off a damned window and wiper. On the same hand, I am not going to go to my boyfriend’s house and vacuum. I’m just going to say it, you’re being a bitch and giving women a bad reputation. Your man deserves better.
Excuse me?
Are you handicapped?
Do you not have two perfectly working hands?
Get out and do it.
He can do things for you if he’s feeling up to it or wanting to help, but you best stop being rude and expecting every tiny inconvenient action to be completed by him.
Like you said, it’s BOTH of your guys house. BOTH of your guys cars and yards. Grab a shovel honey, and stop being lazy. He deserves help just as much as you.
Good gravy.
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No I don’t have to ask my husband to do things like this it’s just natural to him to do those things. If we need to get gas while in my car he just gets out when we pull up to the pump. 
Just the way my husband is. Yes I could do most of the he does but I’m so glad he does them. It’s the little things…
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Maybe you should sort your own car stuff out…I do, as I would imagine a lot of people do. You come across as someone who expects your hubby to constantly read your mind and deal with your tiny car problems. You will never learn if you don’t try on your own.
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What an entitled person you are. are you not an adult? Do you not know how to do these things yourself?
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Marriage is a give in take. My husband does these little things for me without being asked but I step in and do things for him like prepare dinners in advance do all the errands and shopping, arrange doctors appointments etc. neither one of us is helpless to do either we just try to make each other’s day easier when we can.
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My husband tells me I just had to ask sometimes when I don’t word it in a question format. Just gotta think like a Jeopardy contestant, haha! I mean, when he says he’s almost out of clean underwear, I generally assume he’s asking me if I can wash some laundry in the near future. It’s similar to when a birthday or Christmas is approaching. I can’t just say “I wish I had a ___” because then a day or two later he’s like I need gift ideas. I have to say (or send links about) “I want this particular thing”.
At this point I’d say it’s just how their brains are wired and it might not be something that will change. So best to just word it as a question and carry on.
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You’re aware that this is 2020 and not 1950, correct? I can’t speak for anyone else’s household, but in mine, we share all responsibilities. Yesterday, my husband was out shoveling the driveway while he was doing that, I cleaned the cars off and cleared the porches off. No one is a mind reader and you’re a grown ass woman, not a damsel in distress.
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Why can’t you just ask him? He can’t read your mind. Maybe he would like to be asked nicely instead of expected to do things.
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Indont relay on my husband for nothing less fights
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Better to ask than assume!!!
That sounds a little “bitchy” if you ask me. Now, don’t get me wrong! I woulf expect my man to do the same as well, take out the garbage, clean my car off, shovel the path for the dogs, plow the yard etc… BUT if it doesnt get done, I assume he didnt have time to do it and I take care of it myself. Maybe he was running late, or not feeling good, or just exhausted… I can pitch in a little too! There are things that he 100% MAKES sure are done - like plowing. But he doesn’t always clean my car off or shovel… and thats OKAY!!
Like the other day he texted me and was like “I forgot to take the garbage can down” and I responded “ Okay, well I’m not doing it either” and he said “I know ” SIMPLE.
I APPRECIATE all my man does for me, and he is a HARD worker! He was up at 4am yesterday to make sure everyone that needed to be plowed got plowed out, ended up calling into his regular job because we got SO much snow he didn’t get done plowing until 9pm. When I got out of work, I bundled our daughter up and met him to go plow with him and spend time with him. Not bitch at him.
I don’t have to ask… but I don’t expect him to do things like that just because he is the man… just like he doesn’t assume I’m grilling the steak because I’m a woman!
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Lmao what? Yes, you’re ridiculous. This isn’t the 50’s, you’re perfectly capable of doing those things yourself. He doesn’t owe you a salted driveway, you delicate flower there are give and take in relationships where people take on different responsibilities in the home, but clearly he doesn’t consider this to be one of his and you do. That’s you putting expectations on him without communicating them. He’s obviously willing, but he doesn’t like you assuming he has to do it, because he doesn’t. He’s done his part communicating his feelings about it. Just ask him, it’s not that hard.
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Please be kind to your husband and ask him; he’s explaining that he wants to be asked. And then add a thank you after he’s done it. He probably wants to be 
appreciated
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If you have to do all the things by yourself. You don’t need a man.
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I don’t ask my s/o to do stuff I can do myself. You’re grown, sweetheart. Stop relying on another person, let alone your spouse, to do shit for you that you could EASILY handle yourself. If you wanted a man servant, hire one on craigslist. It’s cheaper than being married. 
Men arent mind readers, nd they tend to not pay much attention to other things. Stuff that is painfully obvious to us may not even be on their radar.
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I’ve learned one lesson in all my years you do have to ask for what you want, need, and expect or you’ll forever be resentful that someone isn’t providing it. Not just with partners but bosses, kids, family, friends, everyone. So yes it is ridiculous that an unspoken expectation is put on someone
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