My son was born with the same issues!!! Missing a kidney and an imperforate anus. He had surgery at 3 months old. It gets better I promise. Your son’s sounds more severe than my son’s but my kiddo is seven now and we finally have a routine that works. My thoughts are with you during this. It’s hard but you are doing amazing 
just keep moving forward
I’d put him on child support and give him half back and have him pay for half the gas etc. In the mean time put yourself on a waiting list for housing, food stamps and Medicaid once approved tell him to kiss the hole the cheeks cover and keep all the child support and do you. You don’t deserve all the extra stuff… this ain’t no man he’s just boy! A real man would take three jobs to ensure their baby was okay not be asking you to do more on top of what you’re already doing. Not to be mean but it doesn’t sound like you all are going to last anyway because if he’s this way now imagine another few years from now. Sorry you’re going through this.
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Yeah that’s not right. You’re taking care of y’all’s child and he wants you to jump back into work? What a piece of work!!
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I guess I see things differently… If he’s struggling to keep up with bills then yes you should help and you both equally care for your children. It’s a team effort.
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Until you have an income no and looks like you are doing all the appointments etc for baby, how are you going to work on top of all this. Explain to him if you get a job he is responsible for all of that and child care which will cost way more. Seems like he doesn’t quite understand how expensive child care is and everything you are doing or does he just not care ?
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I’m assuming when you say “pay half the rent” that this isn’t your husband? Is it your boyfriend/the baby’s father? He should not be asking you for anything you are the mother of his child who has major issues right now and is the priority to care for.
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Run mum run! Honestly this is financial abuse
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Selfish prick maybe 
You have been through hell and it seems like you are stuck there! I just cannot believe that your boyfriend has been a super jerk. Someone needs to help you asap!
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He is the man he is the provider if he had to pay someone to care for the children it would cost him more than the rent
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Leave him, claim maintenance and half of everything.
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Can you get a night job or around his schedule
A lot of unanswered questions. He is your boyfriend and not your husband, yes he has an obligation to support his child but not you. Your only recourse as I see it is to leave and put him on child support.
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also your baby,and you should be able to get social security
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I’m sad for the baby having to go though all of that and I’m sad for you having to go through it too but bottom line is you still have to survive. You need to get your ducks in a row and do you and your kids now. Prepare for his exit because complaining about you not contributing right now during all this is a sign that he already has one foot out the door. Get ready financially and emotionally to handle doing it alone just in case. There’s help out there. Myself, I’d kick him to the curb but get ready first.
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I seriously think you BOTH need to sit down and talk. I understand you are stressed I would be too. I can imagine he probably is too and it is likely coming out in ways like this. You both now have a sick child and expenses you weren’t expecting. You have likely been going moment to moment since the baby was born but sit down come up with a plan, budget, do you have help for doctors appointments? Does he have to work extra shifts since you are unable to work so he can’t go to appointments? There is a lot we don’t know to really give advice. But my best advice is to sit and talk. Make a plan.
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I believe in order to begin ssi you have to have the disability for a minimum of 5 months. Not sure if that applies to a 3 month old newborn.
Ask yourself, is the boyfriend worth it?
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Find my your place and plan dont think twice about it… Better for you and your child.
I would maybe find a part time job and with 2 days off for appointments (if you have family that can help out with child care cause I know with him being sick that’s a big issue to just trust any one)
Cause if you stay or go
You will still have to pay rent
And maybe discuss just helping out with something just not half completely
But either way good luck to you I am praying for you guys
These what if scenarios are fun. Someone will say, you should’ve learned from your first situation not to put yourself in another situation, then someone will attack saying it’s his responsibility also, and BAM!, there’s another argument online. Good job Mamas Uncut!
Throw the whole man away
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What the actual f***?!?!?!
Leave his pathetic ass and take him for child support… Sounds like you’ll have to go this route with him regardless. You’ll get half your babies medical costs paid directly from him court order plus child support. What was that idiot thinking? When you and your baby are BETTER OFF without him (considering child support laws etc) he definitely should have thought about that before he felt he needed to be all high and mighty. That’s NOT your partner in life TRUST THAT
Go apply for cash assistance in your state. They will put baby daddy on court ordered child support 
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I would sign up for section 8 -they help pay rent. Go fill out government housing. Apply for foodstamps and wic. Apply for disability for your child. Move out
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I feel like I’d be so offended if I was in your position and he had the nerve to tell me I needed to pay half of rent. Okay…well come to half these appointments then. Do half these feedings. Half the up-at-nights. Half the med times. Half the diaper changes. Half of everything. I obviously don’t know this situation, but it kind of sounds like you’re the one doing most of the “tough” stuff for your baby when it’s his child too. I know you didn’t say that and sorry if I’m wrong!! Just seems to be the case in a lot of these situations I’ve seen posted lately in several groups.
Bottom line is, you had a baby who has some medical issues and you have since dedicated your life to him and his appointments and everything he needs. And that’s beautiful, and stressful and hard at times too. But as your boyfriend and the father of your child, he should be so proud of that and proud of you and full of love and appreciation and instead he’s got his hand out looking for half the rent. RED FLAG.
Idk what state you are in, but here in MN they base all assistance off of household income. So if you were here, and living with your boyfriend, they’d take his income into consideration and either deny or greatly reduce any benefits to you. There is a form you can sign that says that meals and bills are paid separately despite living together and sometimes that helps and gets you what you need. And it may be different with all of the medical expenses too. But maybe you could check into family and social services in your state and see if there’s anything like that or any loopholes they can guide you through.
I was in a bad relationship and I left it with no job and no place to go. And 3 kids. It wasn’t easy, and I couldn’t imagine going through it with a child with extra medical needs, but i know you can find the strength to do it if you need to. You sound like the type who can do anything when it comes to her kids. Just leave him. There’s a chance he’s under a lot of stress and not thinking right, maybe seeing what life is like when you’re gone is what will wake him up. Maybe then half the rent won’t seem like such a big deal. But also, maybe you’ll realize you’re better off and happier.
My now husband…We have 4 kids total, none together. My 3 live with us full time. I haven’t been working for a few months until very recently. He has paid everything with zero complaints. And I know it’s been a struggle. And Ive had many times where I feel so guilty like I’m not doing enough. But he kept telling me, “don’t rush to find a job, I don’t want you to hate where you work. Take your time and find somewhere you can be happy at.” So if your boyfriend can’t step up like this, even when it’s his own child, just know there really are men out there who will be happy to do everything he won’t.
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Guy is a douche that he would even ask. Dump him like last weeks trash. Care of your child is paramount. Look for some government assisted programs for housing until your child is stabilized and you can stand on your own financially.
If you make to much money it will knock you out of getting him SSI. Can you go apply for emergency Cash aid, food stamps, rent from Covid any of that kind of things. You should get ruling on child’s SSI in weeks but with the back up on claims it may take time. How about emergency low income housing cause of Covid, utilities, food you may have to move. But if he is not helping you need to do what you need to do. If your son needs that much you are looking at 18 years of appointments. Your job may have to change to stay at home. Look into schooling grants because of his disability. After you get done with genetics you might want want to see if his problems were caused by Covid. You need help guiding you through what you need to do in steps, to best meet your sins needs. Like if you get SSI what you can own assets, cash, work, etc.
No excuse for not working. Work nights if dad is working days or vice versa.
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It’s kinda fucked up of him to ask u to pay half , if he is capable of paying the whole rent himself. Since you’re going through a lot right now. But life does cost money so if u were on your own you’d have to figure it out.
Seems like you picked the wrong one to have a kid with. My husband and I were dating when we accidentally became pregnant. Within two months, he had asked me to stay home full time as I was struggling to keep working fulltime while dealing with gnarly nausea, fatigue, and aversion. He took care of our bills, I rested until I wasn’t throwing up every waking hour and then I took care of the rest.
If your SO doesn’t see their child as you pulling your weight, that’s a relationship problem you probably won’t get over. Hopefully you can communicate with him and he’s emotionally intelligent and mature enough to handle being told “I don’t get paid for the work I do, would you like to hire someone to do it instead?”
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You would be paying it all if you were alone be grateful that you have someone to pay half
Can you both work alternate shifts so baby is always with a parent and can get to all appts? Then you can both contribute to the parenting and financial responsibilities. That seems to be the most logical and least emotional solution to the issue. Good luck.
If you’re in a relationship living together all money should be pooled. You may as well be roommates or live on you’re own if it’s being discussed to pay half of everything. It’s not about having a disabled child its about respect for one another. I hope you’ve applied for all the government assistance you can as well. Is the child his. If so why is he being so cold?
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Wait….what?? Sounds like you need a bee MAN. Like, and actual MAN.
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Take those babies and run as fast as you can.
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sounds like you need to move in from him what kid of person would expect you to pay anything while taking care of a sick child maybe once your baby is older you could find a part time job but right now you should be caring for the baby
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Leave that man!! Fuck him
Where does he think the money that you would use to pay these bills is going to come from?
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Oh hell no. I have 2 kids from prior relationship for 5 years then we had our son together and have never paid a penny towards rent since the minute we moved in together. Kick his ass to the curb. You can’t work because of a child you had with him. Is he an idiot!?!
I’m so sorry you are going through all this. Being a mother is the hardest job ever. You deserve a more supportive partner. I wish you the absolute best of luck. I sincerely hope things get better for you. Once again, so sorry you have to go through this.
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Sorry hunny, you have another kid to yes you are responsible for both children. It’s hard with a nice baby the appointments are insane but you still should be helping out more with bills it’s a partnership
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Shit stay with him long enough to go apply for hud housing and food stamps as soon as your house is ready leave his ass.
If you have all the responsibilities of caring for the children and the home, and a disabled child at that, then maybe he needs a 2nd job if money is that tight. Being a mom and a homemaker is a full time job. Caring for a sick child 24/7 is also a full time job. If he expects you to work on top of all of that, then you might as well be on your own as a single mother.
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That’s the babies dad umm…he should understand and be supportive that you’re not able to work right now and you need to care for your baby! I think for the time being you shouldn’t have to pay anything.
Tell him to take half the time off to help and then you can find a job to help with the bills
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It just amazed me how people have no conscious the two of you brought a child into this world. There are services that will help but he needs to step up and be a man. You need to get respite care in place so you can work part time if not possible, talk to the father about the child’s needs. And compromise on a solution. The child is to be taken care of by both of you.
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Don’t count on the SSI very soon cause in 2013 I filed the year before in 2012 they denied my claim and I had to start all over cuz you’re only allowed to go they appeals and everything then you have to drop out of it but back in 2013 I went to my doctor my blood count was 5.9 I was having blackout spells they said that was very serious I file for disability again it went on back and forth from 2013 till 2017 I had eight blood transfusions I had mental issues I had back and then knee issues we went to an appointment with the judge at the SSI office and they turned around and sent me the first time all the way to Longview which is a good ways away to do tests and x-rays sorry MRI stuff like that then I go back and they tell me that they’re working on it so they put it off again man I finally get a hearing for March 16th 2017 I walk into the hearing the judge only says one thing and that was he asked the person that can come up with jobs that you can work if I could work he said no there’s no jobs I could work the 20th I called and they had done made a decision favorable so it does take a long time 4 days is all it took then I was able to get Medicaid I was able to get social security Medicare I had it all set up it takes a couple of months to get it when you do the social security so I got everything set up within a couple months
Wow, leave him now. It will never get better.
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You need to get rid of him.Then you might get help.
The problem sounds like you need to keep your knee shut and you won’t have to worry about this s***
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Oh no idk why you thought it was okay to have a baby by this boy
What kind of dick is this so called baby daddy? He knows what is going on this is his time to step up and be a provider for your family. This would d be a red flag regarding his dedication to this child and any future situations where he may have to be a better human and parent.
Are you a roommate or a partner? He needs to make a decision and you need to treat him accordingly. Wtaf.
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I am so sorry you are having to deal with this! I don’t have any advice to you other than to look up your laws in the state, where I’m at he can’t kick you out, he’d have to legally evict you. I say keep doing what you’re doing until the two of you can either figure out how you will be able to work or decide to end the relationship.
Apply for SSI . I also have a medically complex child and I worked part time and now fulltime
But also he should understand it’s his child too and it’s best for the child if u stay home right now
He’s a worm it’s his baby to sounds like an awful person get rid of him as soon as you can
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Then you might as well be single and pay your own bills.
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Might as well drop him n get child support n he can pay half your rent
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Considering that HIS child has all these issues that YOU are the one taking care of, No. If he wants to pick up the slack so you can go back to work, he’ll have a rude awakening.
Yeah no you definitely should not have to pay for half! I’m so sorry he sees it this way! Some men I swear! If he wants you to pay half tell him he needs to stay home half the time with the baby than, take him to half the appointments, do half the housework, etc. Only fair! Also, he clearly knew u had another child before he got with you so that child is now his as well that’s just how it works and if he doesnt see that than you need to peace out cause he ain’t a real man! Honestly he should be paying all the Bill’s if you are taking care of the kids and housework. I’m sorry you are going through this momma! I dont understand men that expect woman to do it all its absolutely selfish of them! You deserve better!! Best of luck momma!
Are you married? Or you do have a roommate? Sounds like you have a roommate, do you make him pay for sex? You cleaning, taking care of the kids, cooking, etc? He better Effin Man Up or Kick that Zero to the Curb! Vows are for Better or Worse, Sickness or in Health, Maybe he needs a copy of his vows!!!
He is a sorry man, he will get worse. Don’t have anymore kids by him.
I don’t understand how he expects you to pay half the rent/bills if you have no income? If you were receiving benefits then I’d say yeah you should pay half but you have literally no income?
What a piece of shit
I am so sorry to hear of all the health problems your little one is going through. Without knowing all the background of your relationship I can only say that I am sorry your relationship is on such rocky terms. If this is his child and he cannot see what your FAMILY has been through, how precious his childs life is, how demanding his health care is and he is only focusing on FAIR IS FAIR, then I encourage you to start getting your and the children’s affairs’ in order and plan to be taking this all on together.
If your financial situation is truly necessary that you work to help cover bills then he needs to be working with you to care for the children, to allow you time to work out side the home… and that means he needs to be covering child care, home responsibilities etc.
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Show him how much it would cost for hourly care of your child, rates for special needs children are different. That gave my husband a whole new attitude on weather I should stay home or not, seeing how much we really would pay monthly in childcare
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I think that depends…is he able to go to appointments if you go back to work and there are some you can’t go to? Is he also willing to split the cost of the baby’s needs and groceries?
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Work opposite shifts and help pay everyone is angry at the dad but he’s probably stressed af trying to take care of 4 people all by himself which is extremely hard in today’s world especially worrying about all the special care the baby needs I don’t think either role (care giver/bread winner) should be held to just one person
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Not trying to be rude but it needs to be shared responsibilities equally on BOTH your parts, yes you should contribute money wise but he should contribute to taking on the same responsibilities with the Dr. appointments, food and etc.
I have a daughter who has specialists, weekly blood draws as well as three other children and their appointments, I schedule them on my days off it is exhausting but doable.
Unless someone has to be home with your son constantly (if that’s the case get alternating shifts between you and the baby daddy, so there’s no excuse to not work) there’s no reason you can’t find even a couple hour shifts somewhere a couple days a week to relieve the financial burden on you both.
It may not be ideal but you make it work for you and your kids… You both acquired bills, expenses and etc together on having a kid, it’s his job to share in those as much as it is yours.
You can’t expect him to support you if you aren’t together but he still needs to support his kids fairly, if not take him to court.
But you also can’t rely on the government forever (clearly they aren’t reliable anyway sadly)
Trust me, I feel your stress and pain but it is doable if you manage your time and money, and sit down like adults and make a plan to work as a team for your kid and yourselves come up with a plan that helps both of you.
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Tell him you will go to work but he needs to make sure he has enough leave to cover taking off constantly to care for his son and get him to all of his specialist appointments. Also let him know the cost of an in home nanny who is capable of handling all of your sweet boys needs is costly. I’m so sorry you are being treated this way. This is horrible during a time like this.
Wow, I have a medically fragile son, who has a tube, CVL line . I can not imagine my husband expecting me to pay half of everything! You absolutely need to have a serious conversation with this “man”. A REAL man provides for you and his child. I’m in several medical Mama support groups, maybe start looking for help from outside resources.
If he’s not a strong enough person to hold everything down then you need to step up n help by getting a job on his opposite schedule and share caring the kids while you’re at work. If he work days then u look for a night job. It’s tough but doable if you guys willing to fight together! Good luck!
Does he realize how expensive a daycare would be for the baby? If one would even take him with his issues. He is better off with his mom. Dad needs to man up.
So he can do his fair share in appointment attending and basic care and seeing of your son… when he realises he can both look after his son and work he might change his attitude… im sorry to hear you are going through this and for your sons health
My sons father was like this, refused to help in any way with the baby (who was colicky and never slept) but still expected I pay rent (which was more than his mortgage) and do everything around the house plus try to work while getting absolutely no sleep, and he wasn’t willing to pay even part of a childcare bill. I left his sorry ass before my son was a year old and although hard for a little while it was the best decision for both my son and I. Happily married now with two more children in a home where everything is ours not mine or his and I couldn’t be happier!
Apply for disability for your son. My dad was incredibly sick and got his immediately. My mom had to get a lawyer for hers. Most are denied the first time, but with your son’s health issues I bet that would go through. I would talk to your doctors or call SSI. Apply for medicaid for you and your son, SNAP, and WIC. Also on medicaid you can get reimbursement for gas going to doctor appointments. It takes a while for the card to come in but it helps. These programs will help you and ease some stress. I would talk to your spouse. That seems incredibly insensitive to say while you care for your sick son. It’s hard. My daughter has health issues, not as bad as your son’s, but I am still doing it alone. It got easier when she got older to start working. I would look into jobs you can do from home, and show him you are putting in effort, but with having so many doctor appointments on your plate right now it is hard unless he is willing to help with the care of your son. Do you have any family nearby that can help? There are tons of programs out there to help, you just have to apply. I’m sorry to hear about everything and hope it gets better for you! 
I have 2 kid with a host of medical issues. I stayed home for 8 years. My husband sometimes work 2 or 3 jobs at once so I could be with our babies. I do get that maybe he is stressing out. But right now that baby needs you. Go and do the research on what it will cost to put that baby in daycare. Because around here there are very few that would accept a child with that many medical issues. And if you do find them they are expensive.
This is a great example of a horrible life partner. Who does he think will care for your new child while you work? Does he realize the cost of childcare? I can see him still wanting you to try to find a way to contribute but when you have zero income it’s 100% ridiculous to expect you to split everything. A good life partner realizes that sometimes one or the other may have to pick up extra slack to keep the household going.
That guy is NOT a life partner. Tread water until you can and end that relationship if he doesn’t step up as the father of your children…yes CHILDREN. He knew he was taking on a child when he got into a relationship with a woman who had a child.
What the hell does he expect you to do? You have a newborn with health issues.
Ask him what he would expect from you if he got hurt/sick down the road and you were working and the only one that could work in the relationship???
He’d expect you to cover everything while he was unable to work.
A real man is going to take care of his family. If he knows you’re home taking care of his son and that’s the reason you’re unable to work, he should cover the bills. Otherwise he can take care of half your son’s appointments etc and you can go to work on those days.
I understand this isn’t the situation you expected. My son was in the NICU for 10weeks, at that time I didn’t work. I took my 16 weeks of leave from work (mine was paid). After that my husband (at the time) & I worked opposite shifts & had separate days off. Was it ideal, nope. Did it suck, yep…but we had bills that needed to be paid & we weren’t comfortable with he idea of daycare that early on. Even a part time job is helpful.
If you are taking care of the baby plus your son …keeping the house up and running to all these apts then no you cant work …Do doordash or Uber eats at night while he babysits then at least youll have some money for yourself
It’s only 3 months in. There are a lot of services out there for your baby, but he needs to realize that it takes time and you’re being a crucial part of the team in ways he would probably not even understand unless he was home doing it.
I can understand both sides. I can imagine how frustrating it is to split bills and all of a sudden have all the financial responsibility. On the other hand, it’s not like you’re choosing to sit around, your son has health concerns and needs you. I would still question the unemployment, because if your job wouldn’t let you work around your son’s health needs that might qualify you. It’s worth applying and checking it out. Disability/SSI takes awhile to go through. I have heard of people who had to apply numerous times until it was finally accepted. I have a friend who is still battling disability as her doctor will not release her to work due to seizures yet disability denies her saying she can work, it’s messed up. You didn’t say much about your and your partner’s relationship. Maybe it’s time to talk with a local health and human services to see what financial/other help you can get during this time? It might also be in your best interest to speak with a domestic violence agency, especially if there are other things going on in the relationship. It sounds like you’re both going through a very difficult and trying time. I’m not making excuses but maybe dad is having a hard time accepting the medical diagnoses for his child and his frustration is coming out wrongly at you. Another place to get help would be to speak with the hospital social worker. They might be able to point you in a good direction, or at least be someone you can talk to about what’s going on. Wishing you the best of luck.
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Put him on child support and tell him that’s your half. Also when you go since he wants you to work, advise him you’ll need half of childcare also. He can also help with medical supplies and bills.
Why are people with men who don’t take care of them and provide for their families. Yes if you are working your money should go into joint accounts that pay the bills. But I’ve never understood this you have to pay half of everything stuff. You are supposed to be a team. Your role in that team now is full time caregiver to your children and tending to the home. His role should be handling the bills and supporting you.
You’re not roommates, you’re partners. He should be picking up the slack financially since you’re picking up the slack at home. That’s just ridiculous. I’ve taught my 11 year old son that this is how a family should be when I needed surgery and had a 6 month recovery period. He had to help out around the house more than usual, but he understood the importance of stepping up when one family member is down and never complained. This guy has to grow up. My oldest had a lot of issues and I would have left my husband if he tried saying we had to go half on everything. That’s just ridiculous!
He obviously isn’t worth a 
I would leave him exactly where he’s at and take my babies and do bad by myself!
Sit down and talk to him. He needs you to get a job to help with bills so you will need him to help out with daycare and Dr appointments. If he can’t do that then he needs to understand your restraints on working. If he can do that then there is no reason why you can’t work, even part time. Yall are a team. Work opposite shifts if you have too. You are obviously not in the financial situation of being able to be a SAHM and thats ok! Alot of us aren’t.
The other option is leaving him (as so many on here have said) and well then you will have to get a job regardless because being a mom and having to provide never stops.
I feel like no matter what he shouldn’t expect half the bills from her, taking care of a sick sick child… not just any child, his own flesh and blood. I know without an ounce of doubt if this were me and my fiancé, he would work over time, he would take another job, do side jobs or do whatever he had to do to make sure everything was taken care of so that I could focus on keeping our baby alive and healthy.
Wow!!!
My man, helps with absolutely everything at home, before and after a days work, getting the kids up fed and ready for school, and cooking dinner and putting the kids to bed and help my little guy fall asleep. When they are sick we " work " together to make things good, and when my little guy has hospital apps sometimes it’s dad that goes with him, because I’m at work. Dad also goes to my apps if needed.
But if im out of work, has i have been for a few months, he payed for all bills and food. Of course he " complained " about it, about the worry. But never once did he demand i pay half of anything.
Hope you guys can sort it out 
Yes dont depends on anyone. You should be paying your own part no matter what. If you can’t work then that’s just an excuse so. You should be able to take care of your own kids with or without a man
I don’t think you should. I’m sure he having a hard time also with his baby being sickly. And that’s all he’s got to throw at you. I’m sure he’s just as stressed to. Maybe lòk into therapy
As long as he’s willing to take half of the appointments, half the groceries, half of what the baby needs, etc. He also needs to provide half the care for the kids too. You shouldn’t be expected to do all that on your own if you’re in a relationship.
Maybe he’s freaking out about how to pay all of the bills? I’m not sure. But I’d sit down and have a conversation about realistic expectations of your responsibilities and his responsibilities. And what y’all expect of each other.
If he can not afford all the bills then I’m sure he’s just as stressed as you if not more. Get a job working opposite shifts then you don’t have to pay daycare and you can help pay the bills. My husband and I had work opposite shifts it works out so one of us can care for the kids and we both pay bills.
What! He’s your man & father of your child. He needs to step up & make sure his family us provided for. Time to grow up dude.
Is this guy a real father, or just a sperm donor? He has legal obligations to your child, and he needs to step up and contribute.