Take some time to Figure out what you want your peace and happiness should be first, I just left a 16 year marriage also two children and I know it’s not easy but I could absolutely not stand one more day. Holding space for you 
Have you tried praying to God for your answers. He always answers. And is always faithful. Please give it a try
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I say try and work it out. If He’s willing to work on things. It sounds like hes depressed. maybe therapy? making you and your husband’s relationship a priority.
He’s lying. He won’t change. Let this be the last chance you give him, but show him what he’s gonna miss out on 
buy some new sexy lingerie, spice up your marriage. Maybe a nice date without the kiddos. If he really wants you, he’ll change especially if you show him a lil love that’s out of the ordinary for you. If that makes sense? He’s talking to other women bc it’s new and exciting, so you have to do things new and exciting. Unfortunately with most men they’re like children amd if you don’t keep them entertained, they lose interest. But if he doesn’t change LEAVE. Not good for you, your mental health, or the kids. Best of luck mama 
If you give an ultimatum, follow through with it.
If he wanted to correct his behavior, he would.
He needs help! But he also needs to stop! And he HAS to want the help.
Relationships are hard work. They also take a mutual effort to keep them going. Maybe don’t give him the choice next time and make the choice yourself. It’s a hard choice to make but what you’ve shared sounds like he’s wondering anyway.
From experience it will happen again and another excuse my best advice is to separate and show you mean bussiness
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One word. NARCISSIST.
Leave now. Don’t teach your children that this an acceptable way to be loved. If he needs help mentally/emotionally, he needs to make that choice every day and put in the work. Pack up your kids and leave. Or put him out. Let him know that you’re open to reconciliation when he puts in the work and makes the effort (if you ever are open to that) but for right now, he needs to be alone. His reaction to that will tell you everything you need to know. It will be either “oh man, I need to get my shit together or I’m going to lose my family” or “now I can do whatever I please, boohoo, my wife left and took the kids, woe-is-me.”
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Your not an idiot to want your family but listening to his reasoning of why he does what he is doing is just an excuse and he sounds like a narcissist. I personally would leave why would you allow him to do this to you and your children.
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I’m sorry for your situation, but if you don’t make a change to leave now, you will regret it later. Trust is the hardest thing to regain, and it will haunt you always. The day will come when you constantly wonder why you weren’t good enough for him. That thought, compounded with “what’s he doing now” will drive you to an unhealthy point in your life, and that’s not good. Take care of yourself. Don’t let him gaslight you into thinking this won’t ever happen again. You’ve stayed with him through the first two incidents, so he has absolutely no reason to believe you won’t stay through the next one. One day, it will be more than emotional. I hope you make the right choice for yourself and your family. I know I did.
If someone truly loves you they would not do that type of behavior towards you. Make it female. You need to wake up put him out and let him sort his issues out away from you. Then if you see he makes a true change then work it out. It’s untelling what he has done and you haven’t found out about. Marriage has up and downs but this is not what you should be dealing with. Good luck but personally move on.
First of all it’s not your fault, multiple times is ridiculous, it’s not a mental problem it’s a cheating and lust problem!! Of course he chooses you when confronted because it’s easier to have both, it will only escalate to a full blown physical affair, if their going to cheat there’s no way to stop them. Sorry but I would have ended it way back, I guess I have 0 tolerance for cheating of any kind cheating is cheating mental or physical. If theyve thought it they’ve cheated. Life is to short to waste!!!
No you’re not an idiot for wanting to keep your family together, but you have to ask yourself if you’ve given him every reason to go back to his old habits (if he’s even stopped between times of getting caught). You’ve forgiven him each time his attention was distracted by other women. It has escalated now to sending private intimate pictures of himself to other women. To me his excuse is just that, an excuse. Of course he wants to stay with you, you’re forgiving and his life isn’t disrupted. “Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me.” This behavior is unacceptable in any marriage and will lead to physical contact, if it already hasn’t. And in no way ever let him blame you for his actions. That’s what all guilty people do. Make him leave. If he truly loves you he will do whatever it takes to regain your trust. Once trust is broken it’s a hard road to hoe to get it back. It’s got to be your decision if you choose to let him stay or make him leave. Just remember your children are the most important people in this whole scenario. I’ll keep you in my prayers.
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Maybe you should be using the mentle health team also. Kind of like alon for alcoholics, you need support also. Not good to bale in the middle of a crisis.
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He’s cheating. Full stop. Kick him out, file for divorce and child support and move on. Yes, I know it’s not easy. He’s already out of the house in every meaningful way.
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He’s done it once he’s done it more than once you told him he still doing the same thing. Looks like he’s finding a new place to live.
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Sounds like mid life , and he could be addicted to pork, and thats not easy to deal with, they have to want out of it, and honestly if he loves you and his family, he would do what ever it takes, but they have to want out of it!!! Cause it destroys you, and desensitized him being sensitive to you!!!
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Would he stick by you if you did all this… Most men wouldn’t… The year was hard for us all… I could not
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You have him a chance before don’t let him to do this again be done it’s about survival not about his problems
Sorry but it sounds like he wants both worlds and that never ends well.
Pack your stuff and find another house-he is cheating on you and making excuses.
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Your not a idiot and u will make the right dicision u will know when u know u had enough im 26 years and in the same situation pretty much
Sounds like he wants the best of both worlds. Dump him!
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What u allow is what will keep continuing. I think u already know what u should do .
“Fool me once, shame on you.
Fool me twice, shame on me.”
Sounds like you have the situation handled
He is disrespecting you. Not okay at all.
I agree 100% Move on
Time for him to get another job not delete this woman from his FB page
Follow your gut. Not your head or your heart.
Your gut will always tell you what you should do.
Personally, I’d leave him, but this isn’t my relationship. It’s yours.
If you’re not enough now and he likes the attention… you may never be. You need to find a man that thinks you are MORE than enough.
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It’s better to come from a broken home than to live in one. That man is GROSS. Get him out of that house ASAP!
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Once a cheater always a cheater 
Sometimes a family is best apart. Ditch the cheater. Once a cheater always a cheater.
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I was married to someone who cheated alot …he told me many times it would never happen again…long story short and he kept cheating with many over 24 years…get out now… i believed him and was hurt bad…iits not good for the kids either
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It is in no way a mistake… I completely understand… I tried very hard to keep my first marriage together for our son… I endured a lot of pain and emotional terrorism… Many people told me that I was in the wrong for staying… But, I wasn’t ready to give up… To walk away… My heart finally realized that I had given all I could… The marriage ended… I’ve been married 23 years now to an amazing man… Your heart will tell you when it’s time… Listen to yourself and your intuition… Good luck to you and your family…
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Sounds lime excuses… If you wanna make it work i suggest individual counseling and possibly marriage and maybe family
You’re not an idiot for wanting to keep your family together. The only thing I’m criticizing is you feeling like you’re to blame for his actions. That’s solely on him. You be accountable for you and let him be accountable for him. Hope it all works out for you.
Us Men are so stupid I’m sorry your going thru this but seems he’s done crosses to many fences to comeback
“When he is good”. Say that 10 times.
Fool me once, shame on me. Fool me twice, shame on you & bye! Good luck to you.
I pray for the children. They don’t know what they are doing to them. Think of the kids,
Follow Michelle Dempsey and also The Holistic Psychologist
Get rid of the phone
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Kick him to the curb!
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Should I keep trying to keep my family together?
You are most certainly not partly or in way to blame…you are focusing on raising your children, they deserve this, he is a grown adult…this ( his family!) Is where his focus should have been all along .
Best of luck with it all momma
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I’m kind of going through the same thing. I want nothing more than to keep my family together too 
But when the old behaviors come back it’s so hard to feel confident and trust him. I’ve been dealing with it for close to 2 years now 
I don’t plan on giving up
Good luck 
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So here’s the thing, the whole idea of broken families or keeping marriages together for the kids, it’s bs.
First of all, you are showing your children what is okay to do in a marriage. You’re teaching them it’s okay to step out, and you’re teaching them it’s okay to continuously tolerate it and forgive it with no real change. Is that a marriage you would want for your children?
Secondly, kids can sense what’s going on, even at really young ages, they feel the stress the tension the unhappiness. Sometimes it’s just better to cut your losses and let Mom and Dad provide them a great life, just not while living in the same household.
It’s hard, the situation will be hard either way, you just have to decide which hard you want to do.
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No. You are not foolish to want to save the family. The answer is in your sentence, I love him very much. I’m glad he’s getting help for his feelings of worthlessness. Maybe it will work out for you two. You will at least feel good that you are trying. Kids do benefit if it is workable to keep the family together. “If.”
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Idk I feel like if u let it slide to many times it’s not worth it. A peace if mind is much better than being concerned if he is talking to other women my ex husband was this way. Better off with out maybe try coucling. If u really want to but if he wants to talk to other women he’s going to. Sadly. This is what broke my marriage too. Sending love to you and ur kids. They deserve to see u happy.
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You can work thru it, but only if you both want the same thing. Only when you confront him, does he 'fess up. Had you not said anything to him, would he stop? See if his phone time and attention changes… actions speak louder than words…
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You can work through this if you BOTH want to. You’re not crazy at all for wanting to keep your family together, family is such a precious unity… but again, you BOTH have to be willing
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I would make him stick with his therapy and get a good diagnosis for what is going on with him
I would also get us into some good marriage counseling and stick with that
If things improve after doing both of those things for 6 months than your fight is not in vain
If it happens again, after all of that, then I’d say it’s safe to assume it will be a lasting issue and it’s time to break things off
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I’d do Counseling so he knows I’m serious about leaving the next time. Personally idk that I could stay with someone that did stuff like that on more then one occasion, but if that’s something you can deal with your a better woman then I am. I just simply don’t have the time for it. I love my husband, but I love myself more and my kids are mine to protect and if it’s from our toxic marriage I’d do it in a heartbeat.
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IMO love marriages end badly. If you want children look for the perfect co parent that u can be friends w and go from there. when children are adults then u can find a love match there’s too much drama in relationships that’s not good for kids to live through finding someone that’s as into being a parent as you are is the best a person can do. you will live in peace and children will grow up happy. I disagree with people having kids cause they love the person they are with it will end badly for everyone involved. Love matches end. 2 people who have same values and want to raise kids work.
In your position I don’t know what to tell you. He’s sick and it’s not his fault hopefully he can work through his issues but if he’s not then You might have to consider leaving.
Also to all the readers, as a bartender I PROMISE you almost everyone cheats. Your husband or wife either has already or will in the future I see it so often that to me it’s just a common fact.
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By any chance does he have bipolar sometimes mania can cause this. I have been there before my husband has bpd. Counseling, meds and communication helped us so much. But I def suggest counseling for him and marriage counseling.
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Once a cheater always a cheater and what kind of message does that send to your daughter or your son because you are their role models and if you accept cheating and he does not treat you right your daughter will pick up on that and she will pick a boy or a man in her life that will do the same to her be very careful because the picture is not just about you on your husband it’s about what standards you said as a mom and a dad has her first relationship with any man is her father so if he doesn’t treat you right and he cheats on you she is going do the same maybe to her husband and boyfriend and it could cost her dearly or she’s going to take a man that treats her the same to and if you have a son he is going to do the same thing to his wife or girlfriend get out of the relationship and co-parent and that’s straight-up facts
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You got him help and maybe marriage counseling can help as well. It is ok to try to make it work and work through the issues but if he goes back then at least you tried.
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I’d definitely encourage you to seek out marriage counseling together. And to give that your all. Hugs mama.
I don’t have an answer for you but I do admire you wanting what’s best for you all. You could have kicked him out (more than once) and been bitter like a lot of woman are, but you helped him. Maybe he really is going through a mental issue. I really hope your family can get through this and I hope he sees the type of woman you are. Good luck to you guys! 
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Your situation is Understandable you trying to keep things together but he doesn’t seem to be putting any effort into the relationship and his lame excuses are to blame you 
. Either he man up and give up his playing around or let him go. He is counting on you to forgive him Everytime, the more you forgive the more he will keep doing what he’s been doing cause you let him and that my dear is what he’s counting on.
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Besaré you dont loose yourself in the process…God Bless!
This is what marriage is about. It’s work. You both have to commit to making it work and attempt your very best at meeting each other’s needs. He has to stop this behaviour and give you the respect and attention YOURE entitled to and vice versa. You made vows, so if this is something you’re able to forgive then I say save your family. I married a narcissist. I had zero chances of keeping my family together and while divorce has been hell on my children, they’re in a much more loving, stable safe environment
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In your post you said you’re partly to blame because you were focused on your children. You are not to blame, don’t put that on your shoulders. You are a mother and you are supposed to focus on your children. If he was feeling like you were not giving him enough attention, he could have spoken to you so you could have made things better. Instead he chose to contact other women and cheat. Whether or not it was physically cheating, it was emotional and he was sending and recieving dirty pictures. There’s no excuse for that. He could have communicated his feelings to you. What he did was wrong and don’t you take responsibility for anything he did. Be strong, if you really want to make things work try marriage counseling along with him getting mental help. In the end if it happens again you’ll have no regrets because you will know you tried.
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You’re not an idiot, but also he needs to know that you will not tolerate that kind of behavior. A man will do what a women allows. Keep your head up and do what’s best for your kids but especially you and your mental. If you’re not truly in a happy marriage, kids will sense it. It’s better to be apart and happy than together and miserable. Take this with a grain of salt, and what resonates. Stay strong.
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So he’s playing the victim when he gets caught he knows what he’s doing he knows you don’t want a divorce but in the same time he’s not gonna stop unfortunately he wants his family but play toys on the side …girl I’d say mentally prepare for a divorce but hope for the best
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You are not to blame at all. You were making sure your children were being raised. You said he acted differently towards the children as well. So no you are not to blame. Its on him.
He has shown you twice now who he is. You need to pay attention.
x did the same. Used every excuse you could think of.
I am a huge believer that children did not choose to be born. We parents chose. Your kids feel the tension they know something is going on. So you need to decide do you stay for yourself or do you leave for your children and teach them this is not ok to be treated this way.
Doesn’t mean you have to divorce. Far to many stay and use the kids as an excuse.
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Why are you allowing him to control whether to stay or go? That’s not up to him. Staying together for the kids is an old, unjustifiable, unacceptable excuse. Kids should never be put in that position. Children deserve a loving and peaceful environment regardless if you are married or divorced. His problems and issues have zero to do with you and everything to do with him. If you are already going behind him, micromanaging and babysitting him you already know the answer and the truth regarding the severity of the situation, yet still looking for every reason to remain in denial. If you are reaching out on this kind of forum, you already know what to do and you are prolonging the inevitable.
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You are not to blame and not an idiot. Only you will know when it’s time to walk away and when you’ve done all you can do and are totally at peace. It’s not an easy road. Mental health is extremely serious but can also be very Draining. You did the right thing by asking for mental health help. See him through this process and you’ll know if he’s faking it.
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Nope u r NOT an idiot!! U wouldn’t be much if u didn’t care either way or if u didn’t care so much. U should fight for your family. However HE has a problem. Idk the whole story and it’s none of my business but stop blaming yourself BC children require and deserve our attention. Don’t blame the “other party” either. He should be strong enough to resist any temptation. I’m all for forgiveness and starting over and the whole bygones thing. BUUUT I’d make it clear to him that if there is ever another episode, I personally would be DONE!! He needs to grow a pair and stand up and be a man and daddy and stop being a little whiney cheat! Love even true love can be killed out eventually. U have children who are watching. I’m praying for you. You deserve better!!
I been married 12 years, 2 boys together 18 years together,we are only 33 y/and I have to say Ive gone through all of this, I too always told him he and doesn’t need to stay because he continually seeked and slept with woman! Not to mention porn, and meth!
Super serious problems, he swore after I found out he was saved by the blood of Jesus and would never do this again! He’s so far come back to all 3 several times since he said that. At what point to you just divorce, I’m at the point where I have health problems from all this, it’s just not worth it anymore. 
you cannot blame yourself.
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We are NEVER the reason they cheat! Work it out with him or don’t. Just know nothing you do justifies him cheating.
I think you are doing the right thing, but stick to your guns if he does this again. You have been more than patient with all of this and it is clear that you care for him, but there is only so much a person should have to endure in a marriage. Like someone else said, you do not want to teach your kids that this type of behavior is acceptable. Good luck momma, you are doing everything right, don’t second guess yourself!
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At least he’s talking to you about it, but I would stick to my guns and let it be the last chance.
You have to have trust or there can’t be a relationship
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You’re not an idiot. No one wants a broken family. I really truly hope things work out between you.
Sounds like you two need to relight the flame a bit.
Get out just the 2 of you and have dinner and talk. Try most nights after the kids go to bed to hang out together, watch a show, play a board game, anything.
I don’t think you guys are too far gone yet. You can save it. But it will take work!
Get a marriage counseling workbook to work on together. Reminisce about the beginning of the relationship and why you fell in love.
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Do NOT blame yourself. He’s a grown ass man, he knew what he was doing. If he needed mental health help, he could of reached out to you or a Dr not go an send dirty messages to other people… excuses is all I hear for shitty choices.
You are nicer than I am though… I walked the 2nd time. I’m not wasting my time trying to keep my family together for the rest of my life. If you can’t respect me and not message others to have an emotional or sexual affair then I don’t need you. 
Again… Grown 
Ass Man he knew what he was doing and only sad/upset he got caught.
Your not a idiot but you certainly don’t deserve what his putting you through and it seems his only sorry when he gets caught
I believe: fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.
This is hard, but unfortunately I learned the hard way. The tears, the begging the excuses. Nah…
BTW, you can’t blame yourself. It wasn’t you who did that…
I tried to pull through for my son, but at the end, after all the mess, I wished I left sooner.
But the best of luck… Just be careful, ok?
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You’re not an idiot for wanting your family together and you’re not to blame for putting your children first but it seems if he is doing these kinds of things to make him feel better, he will more than likely keep it up. You deserve better, don’t make excuses for him and do what you feel is right in your heart.
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I’m a firm believer in once a cheater always a cheater…You can have all the counseling in the world THEY DO NOT CHANGE! It seems he always has some excuse about why he was a creep and you always take him back! Shit I would stay too if I could have my cake and eat it too knowing you will always take me back 
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The trust is gone … no trust no relationship .
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You believe him? Cause girl no.
So everyone is saying a man will only do what you allow, but honey you already allowed it. He already knows you’ll forgive him and take him back. Men don’t change.
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First of all, you are NOT to blame at all for your husband having an affair on you. Emotional, physical, it doesn’t matter, it’s still an affair and hurts just as bad. He should have been mature enough to come and communicate his feelings to you before letting it get to where it’s at.
My ex husband did this exact same thing, I found out, we tried marriage counseling, and he swore he would change, but didn’t. We also have two kids together, and we are now divorced. Take that however you want, if he isn’t willing to change then he doesn’t love you enough.
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You’re a lot nicer than me cause I’d have kicked him out the first time.
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Yes, you’re behaving like an idiot. Get some respect for yourself because he doesn’t have any for you. Kick him to the curb.
No you’re not an idiot but something you can’t do is force someone to be faithful or love you.
I wasted 12 years of my life trying to make my ex stop cheating on me. Counseling everything. Then it hit me I was wasting my life away when I could be with someone that actually wants to be with me and is faithful. I am remarried now and happiest I have ever been when a new husband that loves and respects me with extremely loyalty and faithfulness Unlike my ex that’s cheating on his new wife now. My kids were even glad I left their dad.
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You’re married and have two kids. I’d think long and hard before ending things.
This man obviously doesn’t respect you. He was only sorry because he was caught. You’re not an idiot for wanting to stay with him but you need to realize he doesn’t respect you or he wouldn’t do this.
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You are not an idiot, your husband has a mental health problem and you already made that step in getting him help.
Your family is important to you and your right in trying to keep your family together.
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Classic narcissist behavior!!! They always break down and have you feel sorry for them or blame you for their faults! And sadly, they almost never change. I left my almost ten year marriage and I never looked back!!! I have worked on myself, for me and my kids and we couldn’t be happier. You got this Mama!!!
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Do the same to him and let’s see if he can forgive you and care about the family!! Girl he will not care about nothing but him, I bet he will be so devastated and he will leave that’s how they are !!
Nope. Turned on the water works and tried the guilt trip.
He isn’t going to change.
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My daughters father said the same thing. So we tried and then I figured out he was just blocking girls numbers and talking to them through the blocked messages thinking I was dumb enough to not look there… I left the toxicity of that relationship… sometimes guys pull this crap when they get busted. If you want to try well no harm in that but I would keep your guard up.
Your not dumb for wanting your family. People make mistakes and can change. Also if you leave u still have the emotional healing you need to do if u stay. There is pro and cons to staying and leaving. It’s common for a person to continue the affair for months after being caught. If he didn’t want you he would of left you for the affair. Keep your head up and do what it takes on your end to forgive and move forward. More than 50 percent of people stay after an affair and a lot come out stronger than before 
First time I can understand your forgiveness but a repeat of the same behaviors are a lack of respect for you (his wife) and for your vows. I have dealt with the same type of issues except my situation was that he was cheating physically and they do not change. The trust has been broken and without trust there is nothing
You’re not an idiot, but you need to end it. He will never change
He’s only sorry because he got caught, he wasn’t sorry when he got getting them (dirty pictures), if he was he wouldn’t have saved them!
Hearing voices sounds like an excuse, he’s going to keep on doing it because you’re letting him!
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I’ve been through it. Married 24 years. Wife cheated. We work through it because I love her. But!!! Everyday I look at her it’s a constant reminder of what she did. If you can live with that stay if not time to go. It’s been years now but still got wrenching from time to time. Time will heal. But trust is forever gone!!!
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