Your children should see what a loving and fun home is like
Thereâs always a honeymoon phase. Donât expect your boyfriend to be this way forever.
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Honestly, my parents divorce was hard but the best thing that my mom ever did for herself. It took me a long time to understand that when i was little. even though i wanted my parents to get back together at first, i didnt after i saw what it was like when they were. She was miserable and he was mean. Seeing her with her first boyfriend after my dad was amazing, she was so happy all the time and took us to go do fun things with him. He wasnt permanent, but he was also a great man who helped my mom out of a hard part of her life, which included loving her 2 young kids. She put herself first when she needed to and then showed us that she still had our best intentions at heart too when everything was said and done.
I think your happiness is just as important as your kidâs because in the long run you make your kids happy. Its hard to do that if Youre miserable.
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If you arenât happy then youâre not able to be the best mom you can be, so really putting your happiness first is whatâs best for you and your kids. Your ex only wants his family back because he thinks heâll get the same you who catered to him for so long and he doesnât deserve it, especially after cheating. He will survive and youâre better off where youâre happy especially when youâre kids are also being included.
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I would not stay with this investing man!
I also would not start another relationship with another man while youâre still legally married to this guy ! You need time to find yourself worth and your value as a woman, a person, and a mother first!
A new man takes away your time from finding yourself! You owe the time to to your kids and to yourself! Iâm serious! Once the new guy has you,what happens next???
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Not investingâŚtypoâŚ
I donât think you should stay with your husband, nor do I think itâs a wise decision to start another deep relationship with a virtual stranger!
You may think you know him, but you do not know him at all!
He is on his very best behavior to Win your affection! What does he really want from you? Be wary, be suspicious, be cautious,be very careful!!!
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YOU DESERVE TO BE HAPPYâŚ!!! PERIOD!! if your happy, yourv kids will be happy⌠you deserve to be happy⌠screw your ex, donât go back!
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Your kids wonât be fully happy until mommy is happy too and wonât know how to identify true love until that example is displayed for them. I left a miserable marriage for the same reasons and it was so worth it!!! Go get your happiness girl. Just make sure to take your time and to things intelligently and always with your kids best interests as priority
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Leave his ass and keep your new man. Itâs more important for kids to see their parents happy than their parents together
A happy and loved mommy is putting them first!! Happy mommy =Happy kids actually 
you do you!!! Your kids love you and you love them and you deserve to be loved!!!
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Taking care of yourself is important too!
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To be blunt and straight to the point you are probably plan b or c, to your husband. He wants his family back, ya no support payments and he can go back to treating you like a door mat
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Be wherever you want. Make yourself happy. But, remember to take care of your kids and have them with you. You can let their father visit them, which will be nice for them
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Dr Phil says âIf Mama ainât happy, ainât nobody happy!â
Itâs the truth. If you marriage has made you unhappy, you will show signs of it, no matter how hard you try to cover it.
You can meet someone and be with them for 7 years and feel meh towards them, and you can meet so one who shakes your world up and makes you laugh, and cry and be happy in a short space of time. Happier than you have ever been. Itâs ok to take the risk. If you truly donât see your marriage lasting, divorce your husband and move on with the new man. But donât cheat or have an affair. Your happiness is important too.
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Iâm sorry but why was a 21 year old with a 17 year old in the first place 
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You have to be happy before you can make your kids happy 
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Staying together for the kids never works. Itâs better to have heathy parents apart than witnessing a toxic relationship together. If you want to put your kids first, make sure you facilitate them having visitation with their father as best you can, and continue doing things to give them a healthy, happy mother. This will benefit them more than keeping them in an unhappy home.
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Life is too short to be miserable I was married for 38 yrs the last 6 yrs I wasnât happy he got abusive. So I decided to leave when he wasnât home best decision I ever did.
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Your kids get happiness from your positive energy. If you would like to try I suggest dating again and see if really you are done. Sometimes the love is there is just hidden by all the things your ex stopped doing for u
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Donât go back to your husband. Move on
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2 happy households is much better than 1 unhappy one
It will be better for them in the long run
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Together is not for the kids. My parents were terrible together. But made it âworkâ for 20 years. It didnât not work. We all felt it. Watching you parents suffer is heartbreaking. You may think they wouldnât know but they will. If thatâs the only reason to stay it will hurt the kids more in the end. Work on individual happiness and work on a healthy co-parenting relationship.
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If youre not happy, the kids will know⌠you deserve happiness!
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Your kids deserve a happy mum⌠do you mama and whatever makes you happy
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Kids wont be happy in a un happy home. Me snd my kids dad are far better parents not together, then we were together
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We all want that family where the parents and the children all live together. Sometimes life happens and it ends up changing. The best decision you can make for your children is begin to Co-parent. Many times living in an unhappy relationship is not fair to the child or children. It also makes the relationship unhealthy and toxic. Itâs nice to hear you found someone that treats you better. Everyone deserves to be happy even you. I think as long as your children are still being included in your two future then itâs a positive healthy relationship. I co-parent going on 4 years and itâs the best decision I ever made. Ive havenât been this happy and content with life in years.
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Happy Mummy Happy Children
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You better move on if the new guy is genuine. You canât spend the rest of your life sacrificing for everyone and remaining miserable. The kids will grow up happy only if the adults around are doing well. If you remain sad and frustrated, it will show on them.
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If youâre not happy youâre kids wonât be either. When they grow up they will understand. Itâs a hard choice but be happy for you kids they donât want to see you unhappy
Itâs simple. If you go back to him, you are only hurting yourself because your marriage 
is over. I would invest in this new relationship but in the meantime I would stay alone. Once you made your mind then move out and start living together. To give space for your kids get use to this person. You are taking care of yourself and your kids by getting out of a failed marriage, your kids donât want to see you unhappy so as their dad.
Mum needs to be happy in order for the kids to be happy Iâm so happy you found someone who sees your worth
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He had his chance to prove himself and he did! You DESERVE to be happy and to be treated with respect. You only get one life, donât waste it on him!!
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He treated you like shit for way to many years and only wanted to treat you better when you snapped. Move on and be happy with how your being treated. Your kids need a happy mum! I hope this new man is everything youâve waited for x
Co-parenting in the same stateđI believe adults can still work together as a family unit to be better and as good a parents without actually living or being together. Anythingâs possible if yous are both or all simply willingđ
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The happier you are the happier your kids will be
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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Should I put my happiness before my kids? - Mamas Uncut
If youâre happy then your kids will be happy. Better to have two happy, separated parents that 2 miserable parents who stay together for the sake of their kids!
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I see it differently - you are choosing to love yourself and have what you deserve; thatâs not your happiness above theirs⌠they will be happy with a lifestyle that is positive no matter if your ex husband or where you are now; as long as itâs a positive environment!! This is about your happiness too⌠yes we are mothers and our children are our lives BUT you are a person who has wants and needs too and you too deserve to be happy!!
Speaking from experience of being in an unhappy relationship for a very long time with two young kids I finally said enough was enough. Your kids will always come first and will be your main priority but they also need a happy and healthy mummy to be able to be the best mummy possible. If this man makes you feel good and treats you how youâve longed to be treated for so long and he makes you realise your worth and helps you find your self love and respect then hell yeh go for it girl! Love yourself, love your kids and love a man that makes you feel valued. Time doesnât mean anything, you can be with someone for years who doesnt realise what they have and you can be with someone for 1 week who know exactly what they have infront of them! As long as you are safe, your kids are safe then thatâs all that matters. I met somebody totally unexpected after when I was at my lowest, heâs now the absolute love of my life. My best friend and makes me feel on top of the world and treats me babies as his own and weâve recently also brought our own little bundle of joy into the world and heâs now my baby girls daddy and itâs the best thing I ever did!! So go for it, happiness is everything no matter how big or small
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Stay true to yourself. Would u want ur daughters to be as unhappy as u was when there older
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There are other options before staying with this âsomeone newâ
Of course itâs great now, itâs only been 6 months ( and Iâm not saying it wonât continue)
Because it could, if you are truly unhappy in the marriage then yes, leave. That will help your children more than staying in an unhappy marriage.
But donât leave because of this new guy.
Have you maybe thought about couples counselling?
If heâs serious about wanting his family back⌠maybe thatâs worth a shot?
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You shouldnât stay in an unhealthy and unhappy relationship especially with kids, they learn what love is from you, do you want them to think thatâs what relationships are supposed to be like.
That being said. Donât rush from a long term and unhappy relationship straight into a new one. Donât get me wrong Iâm glad your feeling loved and happy, but you have literally never been alone, and you should probably take some time. For your sake, but particularly for your children.
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Choose hapiness. The rest will fall into place. But also, keep good relations with your husband so the kids arent burdened with the fact that mum and dad arenât together.
Also, dont love yourself because a man has first. You love you first because what happens if he ends up to be the same?
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Childrenâs need 1 solid good parent! Thatâs it! Children can sense the tension and to be frank, that should be your focus, your kids need Mum and dad to be happy genuinely not faking it! Your ex it sounds like itâs done. Spark gone and he cheated, move on and remember your kids are happy if you are so donât ever forget that x
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Happy mummy happy children.
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If you are happier, your kids will 100% benefit more from that than two parents who donât actually have a healthy relationship! Honestly, the whole parents being together thing isnât always the best option for the children and I have been where you are and my 1 year old is definitely happier because Iâm happier. Itâs not you being selfish, your children will see what love and affection should really be like, rather than see what you have described your ex partner being like. Happy mum, happy children x
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Please donât take him back. Your children will want you to be happy no matter what! As long as they see you and they see there dad that is kore than enough. A child can sense when something is wrong, being happy will make your children happy. You deserve a lot better than your ex, please take this advice and think of yourself too, mums need to feel loved, wanted and appreciated too, always remember that. You got this 
If you are happy the children will be happy. Go and be treated how you deserve to be.
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How would you want your kids to be treated when theyâre older? Kids learn from what they see⌠if they see you unhappy and going along that will be what they believe a relationship to be⌠if they see you happy being treated well that is what they will see an relationship as. And when theyâre older that is what theyâll seek out. I know youâre thinking of your kids and theyâre family now. But think about your kids and lessons your happiness will teach them for the future x
âStaying together for the kidsâ should be an archaic concept⌠your kids deserve to be brought up in a house of love, if you arent happy, how can their home be happy? Is it better that they see you both together in one home but witness the sadness you feel in your behaviour - therefore normalising sadness and âputting upâ in relationships?
NahâŚ
If you are happy, and he treats you right, how you actually deserve to be treated, then leave it be. Your ex husband may be realising what heâs lost but itâs too little too late. Your kids will grow up with a great role model and being shown how to treat a woman. They will see their Mum happy and their Dad can still be a fantastic Dad without being your partner also. This is your life and not just your kids life, you deserve happiness too. Xx
Your children growing up and seeing there mummy being treated good will set examples for them to know how they should be treated, the dad can be a dad and that is all that is needed, you are putting your babies first as you will be a better mother to them for being truly happy, you only get one lifeâ¤ď¸
As someone whoâs parents didnât divorce when they absolutely should have⌠they will be much happier in a healthy situation with happy parents rather than a miserable one you assume is best for them.
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Eventually you will constantly argue thatâs if you donât already which will effect your children more than you will ever realise. Your children will be happier in a happy environment. I dont think you should ever stay for your children because it will actually cause them more harm than good
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2 happy homes are better than 1 unhappy home. Your kids will sense your emotions and will be miles better in the long run than staying in a miserable relationship x
Stay single & happy. Did your husband want you back before you got a new & loving man ? If youâre happy your kids will be happy.
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If mumma ainât happy your babies will see that. Do what makes you happy 
donât get back with someone you donât love for the sake of the kids, it never works out. Your ex sounds like an assh**e and you and your kids deserve better.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Should I put my happiness before my kids? - Mamas Uncut
Do you want your kids to model their future relationships after what your relationship is? Because thatâs usually what happens. If you stay, you are teaching them that this is the type of relationship to uphold.
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If you have someone who is everything you need an want for you an your kids, thats whats best. Being in a relationship that makes you miserable and unhappy can and will be seen and felt by your kids. My parents have been in a loveless marriage for the past 14 years and the kids have suffered so much for it. We all just wish that they would have ended it and found people who made them happy than deal with it.
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I watched my mother struggle so bad by staying in a relationship with my dad, because of us girls. Their divorce was final on my 16th birthday and it was the happiest day of all of our lives! My mom was always there for us girls, no matter what, but we all knew she was not happy and staying because of us! She was so much happier and so were we! Good luck!
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It is better to come from a broken home than stay in one! You have to take care of yourself or you canât take care of your kids. Every child has the right to be looked after by both parents if they are present healthy and stable. It sounds like he was using you to fit his own agenda and you are a person not a thing. If you are new path in life has led you to a partner that appreciates you and that is wonderful. In my opinion your kids will be better off having a healthy and stable mother then having one broken and treated as a doormat.
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Iâve never gone through divorce but, it sounds like you are a happier version of yourself. That in itself will be better for your children. It is possible to have a healthy co parenting relationship with their dad if you both allow it to happen. If you go back and are miserable, that will affect your kids a lot more.
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I stayed in a marriage for 18 years because I didnât want my kids coming from a broken home. BIG MISTAKE. I became extremely depressed and then anxiety/panic attacks had taken over my life. I wish I had left a lot sooner. There is so much more to life than being miserable day in and day out. Your kids will be fine.
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You can either stay and let your kids have an unhealthy, unhappy marriage as their model for relationships, or you can split up, and find what makes you feel better and whole, and show your kids a happy Mom. Kids know way more than we give them credit for and they will bounce back. I went through the same exact thing and had all the feelings of guilt you describe here. I finally made the choice to leave because my mental and emotional health needed to be put first, at least temporarily, so that I could be the Mom my son needs. I wish you all the luck because I know itâs not an easy decision. But your kids deserve a healthy and happy Mom and positive, healthy models of marriage and relationships - including the fact that you donât have to stay if youâre not happy or fulfilled.
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He had his chance and he lost it⌠youâre not selfish at all. You deserve happiness
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You have the make yourself happy before you can make anyone else happy! If you are unhappy, your kids will see that. They want a happy mama! Doesnât mean you are a bad mom for putting your happiness first. I left my ex when my daughter was 1 because I was so unhappy and itâs the best decision Iâve ever made. Sometimes you have to put yourself first!
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You need to be happy and set a good example for your kids happy mum happy kids why go back when youâve said he doesnt appreciate you too many women stay in relationships when they know there dead just to keep the kids happy but your kids will be happy aslong as youre happy put yourself 1st for once he would never of cheated if he loved you and thatâs a fact ive been there but its Up2 you if you wanna stay where you know youre not aprreciated just for the kids you will end up resenting him in the end you deserve to be happy to we arenât just mummas we are real people with real feelings but deep down i think you know !! X
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Your kids will understand when they are older. You deserve to be happy, and thatâs number one. Kids want happy parents, not stay together because of them. Appreciate the man you have now, and move on from the ex. His loss now.
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I left my husband last year. We separated last year because of my request and the divorce became final in July. We were together for 18 years, married for 6. I was always last. He was never home and when he was, he would game until 2-3 in the morning. Every special day of mine (my birthday, Motherâs Day, etc) was âjust another dayâ. That is what he would say to me. I have never been happier. I felt bad for putting me first for once but it was time for me. Itâs my time to be happy and I have never looked back. But this decision is one YOU have to make.
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âŚ.so you are unhappy cus he isnât romantic? My man isnât! But my marriage isnât about fancy flowers dates or birthdays anniversariesâŚ.itâs about being with him
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You can not go back to how you felt before. That will not help your children to see you depressed, anxious and miserable. You need to show them the kind of relationship that you wish for them when they are older. If they were in your position would you want them to feel guilty for not staying with someone who does not appreciate their partner?
Give them happy memories of their mum with a partner who truly loves her.
Make the best of co parenting and always show your ex that you are able to work as a team to raise the children, but not as partners.
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Unfortunately sometimes divorce is the best answer. In order to be the best mom you need to take care of yourself. Parents that are depressed usually arenât able to be the best for their children. You deserve a life that makes you happy.
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Keep doing your thing and donât look back! Your husband lost his maid so reality has begun to set in, but he isnât your problem anymore. You said it, you donât love him. Too many years of resentment being built up and no shot heâll change(imo). Kids will be just fine. If momma is happy, your children will be happy. Theyâll just get used to a new way of spending time between both parents but theyâll be fine. Just keep it amicable with your ex so you can have a healthy co-parenting relationship. Best of luck to you momma.
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An unhappy home is not a happy upbringing. Your kids would rather see you happy so you can better care for them than to sacrifice your own happiness to be with a man who doesnât make you feel appreciated. Move on sis. Let this new man show you and your estranged husband what a real manâs love looks like. I am so sick of these men half stepping love and then acting like we are expecting too much. The right one knows what to do and when to do it without you needing to tell himâŚembrace your happiness and your kids will also be happy.
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How can you look after your kids properly when you are emotionally drained. You need to take your happiness into account as well. Believe me your kids will have a worse life if they grow up.in a family where the relationship between the parents is toxic.
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Wow⌠i can honestly relate as i went through the same thing with my marriage. We didnt get married as young but pretty much the same storyâŚ. After we separated, he wanted his family back once i started loving myself again and yes, i was seeing someone as well⌠i felt selfish for putting my happiness before my kids so i got back with my husband⌠he changed a bit but i had changed even more⌠now he puts forth more effort into our marriage and i honestly regret having taken him back⌠now i dont have the guts to separate again bc i dont want to put my kids through it AGAIN⌠so, in my caseâŚ. My suggestion would be to do you. Your happiness will make your kids happyâŚ.
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Just because they grow up with their parents together doesnât mean they will live in a happy home with happy people. Your kids deserve a mother. Thatâs important. Be the best you you can be not only for yourself but for them. That will make them happy. I left mine a little over 2 yrs ago and my kids are happy. Their dad and I co-parent very well together. My only regret is not doing it sooner.
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Both parents together doesnât always equal a happy home. If the parents are miserable the kids pick up on that. I think if you are ready to move on just be honest and let him know. Donât go back and forth as that will confuse and hurt your children. In the end mental wellbeing plays a big part in a happy home. No family is perfect but coparenting is better than a married couple that are unhappy and the kids end up scared later because the parents stayed together.
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My Daddy always said, âIf you cry more than you laugh, get the hell out! Life is too short to be unhappy!â Heâll be 90 next month. And happily married for 70 years.
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If mama ainât happy, nobody is happy! Unfortunately for your husband he didnât understand that concept.
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Getting back together for the sake of your kids means this will 100% not work bc things wonât change. If you arenât happy, end the marriage, take some time for yourself and move on. I also donât thinking jumping head 1st into another relationship is a good idea. You are vulnerable right now and just bc someone is giving you everything you wanted from your husband doesnât mean itâs a great relationship either. You need to sit down and think long and hard and see if going back to your husband and living the same life is something you can deal with, Iâd 100% suggest marriage counseling and also if your husband is your choice then Iâd be having a serious conversation about your expectations in regards to the relationship and also finding out just why he wants to be back together⌠is it bc he loves you? Is it bc he misses having that person that does everything for him? Ect.
You all can come up with a solution for the children if you decide to go your separate ways.
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If you are miserable, they will suffer. And you are teaching them how a man should treat a woman. Is this the legacy you want to hand down? Or one of a happy home, happy momma and watch how a real man treats someone that he professes to love. You are not taking their chance for both parents because one of you would be a half a person.
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Kids know more than we as parents realize. You deserve to be happy even if it doesnât involve giving your kids a 2 parent household. Make the best of co-parenting making kids both of your priorities and show them what happy mommy looks like.
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Let me tell you from experience, if you are not happy youâre kids wonât be either. When I finally pulled the plug on my marriage it was hard as hell and I felt so much guilt but eventually I got through it: now my kids re so happy I left because I became a much better version of myself which in turn made me a better mother for them. Now as they age and grow wiser they see it was for the best.
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Do what is best for you⌠your kids need to see what a relationship is supposed to look like. They will base all their relationships on what they see from you and any partner u choose.
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Theyâd rather see their mom happy. He will be happy too, in time. Showing them an unhappy marriage wonât benefit them. Of course they want their parents together, Iâm sure they love you both dearly. Doesnât mean thatâs whatâs best for everyone.
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I wouldnât look at it as putting your happiness before theirs but as showing them what it means to have a loving relationship. You have to be the best you that you can be before you are the best mom you can be. Kids would rather come from a âbroken homeâ then live in one. 
Good luck
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If he really wanted his family to work he would have put the work into the marriage the first time instead of running to a new woman. If he was that unhappy he could have left the marriage all together.
Have fun with your new man and live your best life.
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Your children will be so much happier when they have a mom who feels respected, loved and happy herself. Best thing my parents did was divorce, because my father met and married a woman who made him happy and didnât treat him like absolute crap. She is a great stepmom and grandma to my kids. It is never selfish to do what make you emotionally, mentally and physically healthy.
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A home with two parents whom are not in a healthy relationship and it teaches our children that when in a relationship that this type of behavior is acceptable⌠Itâs time for you to be happy your kids are young and will be much happier when you and dad are. You sound like you two can co parent and that will make a huge impact
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It is better for your children to see you happy and with a man that teaches them how to treat somebody the right way. You are in no way being selfish for wanting a better life for you and your children.
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I would and i did and my kids have never seen me happier now with my new fiance. I waited awhile before my kids new i was talking to anyone else and introduced him as a good friend and it grew and our family is very happy now
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Making your happiness a priority IS ALSO making your kids happiness a priority. They deserve to see their Mama happy and in a healthy relationship, and in turn teaches them to put their happiness first as well
Honestly that is putting your children first too! Your mental health is very important and your children see if youâre happy or not. And if being with their father isnât what brings you joy then donât do it, your children will understand.
You are your best âmom selfâ when you are actually happy yourself. Staying for the kids never works out and the kids can sense the tension. As long as the new guy is good to your kids, do what makes you happy.
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I am debating with myself on this same thing. I think that kids need to see a happy, healthy mom too and they need to experience happy, healthy relationships not the other way around. My mom told me that she was happy when her parents divorced because they were miserable together so their home environment was unhappy for the kids. My sister divorced her kids father and the two old kids have since explained how they understand why it happened and think that it was a good thing. Your kids are going to grow up and have their own lives too, I think you deserve happiness. I also think you should take this new relationship slow. 6 months is a very short amount of time! Good luck girl! <3
Girl, leave that man! Your kids will be so much happier if they have a happy mother! Your happiness is just as important as theirs and anybody elseâs. You staying with someone who doesnât show his kids how a real relationship should be isnât doing them any favors! THE BEST THING YOU CAN DO IS BE THE BEST YOU FOR YOUR KIDS!
1_ u have to b happy for your children⌠they need and deserve a happy mother
2_donât stay in a relationship who bring you only pain just for people who care what people says and think
But dont forget in the beginning itâs always more romantic.
Go find hapiness beautiful 
you strong you pretty and you important 
It sounds like you have already answered your question. Do you think it would make your kids happy to see you miserable and in an unhappy marriage? Do you think you will be a good mom to them when you are depressed and unhappy. You are not being selfish.