First of all, you are separated, not divorced so you should wait awhile to add a new person in the children’s lives. It confuses them and makes them sad an not know who they can trust. If you and your husband divorce, then you are free to find another person who may, or may not, love your children but they still have their father and that too will be hard for them. And this new person may be great but will he stay great with your kids if you have a child together? I knew a lady had a son age 7 when she met ‘the love of her life’. He treated her like a queen and her son like his own until they had a child of their own. Then her son could do nothing right, got yelled at constantly, blamed for everything his child did and subsequent children did. The poor boy grew up hating his step father but had no contact with his bio father. So it’s easy to play the good guy for awhile but it’s not fair to your children to have to figure out who they can trust. Put your love life on hold until you are stable enough with your separation and divorce and then slowly introduce someone new to the children when they know you are happier without their father. It a hard road for you but ten times harder for children to understand. They need YOU, not another man in their lives until they adjust to your new singleness.
Girl if your happy your kids will be happy. If your in an unhappy relationship, and just all around unhappy then it will reflect in your kids. I promise your not putting your happiness above theirs, you left him so they could see mommy happy. No kid wants to grow up in a home where their parents are miserable. I think your doing the best thing you can do♥️
Kids are always happier when their caretaker is happy - he is still their father, as long as you don’t try to damage his relationship with the kids and he has access to them then it is up to him to maintain his relationship with them and for you to support it - other than that, his feelings aren’t your responsibility 
move on and be happy, your kids will be ok and they will still have 2 parents who love them and hopefully he will move on and find happiness for himself and appreciate the next person who hes with
You deserve to be happy kids deserve to see how a functional considerate relationship po s forms & grows your soon to be ex blew his chances & 10years is forever to be in the trenches waiting for someone to change BE HAPPy you deserve it
I could have written this exactly
You can’t raise happy healthy children from a place of misery your happiness impacts them greatly just as your sadness would you want your kids to grow up seeing what a loving relationship looks like …
I should have left and may sooner than later 16 years and it’s the same with gifts and flowers since I found out about his 2 year long affair a year ago he has done everything I could have asked for and put up with my raging against loving him I found out a week before the maybe baby was born…14 years faithful then finally I have his children am ready for kids 9 years in and he does this
Imagine your kids giving or receiving in a relationship from your husband, from their future partner. You’d tell them to leave, they deserve better. So do you. And they’re learning how to love and be loved from you. What’s acceptable and what’s not.
I think that growing up in a family that the parents are unhappy is the worse you can do for your kids. It teaches what a healthy relationship is suppose to be when they see you in a happy relationship. I recommend therapy for you and your kids if they start acting out but long as the kids are not acting out they will most likely grow to love him for making you happy
I think in this instance you need to do what’s best for you; because that will reflect on the kids happiness too. If you’re not happy, they will sense that.
Co parenting is better than a toxic unhappy relationship. Its not about your happiness as such but the feeling of guilt. But if you don’t love him no reason then don’t consider it. Children can bloom when parents can work together and even with different partners. Just means more people to love and care for them. Coming from a person who was a child of two parents who split and found happiness in the right people for them.
So as a kid I noticed my mom wasn’t completely happy. Even though they were together, I just knew she wasn’t happy and always wished she would’ve just done what was in her best interest instead of trying to stay for us. I get why she did it, but even though I was just a child I still noticed. All I wanted was for them to both be genuinely happy.
Your kids will be happy because you’re happy. They need to see a man treat their mom the way she deserves to be treated. The Ex had plenty of time to change or treat you better. Cut👏🏻Him👏🏻Off👏🏻 from your life from anything other than being your kids father.
Being unhappy in your relationship is just gonna make your kids feel like it’s okay for them to stay in crappy relationships too. Do what you gotta do for yourself, and for your kids. Let them learn what real love is. 
You can’t be a good mom to your kids, unless You are happy and love yourself 1st!! Your husband obviously only cares about his own happiness and in 10 years hasn’t changed!! So don’t expect him to change
Now! You kids will greatly benefit from a happy, healthy mom who is loved the RIGHT way!! Your EX had 10+ years to show you he cared and he DIDN’T! TIMES UP!! Now file the paperwork and move on with you happy life and your New sweet man! 
There will be a time in life when you can explain everything to your kids and hope they understand. You can’t be the best for them, if you don’t feel your best self. I actually went through a situation very similar to this. It wasn’t very easy, but in my personal experience it was the best thing. My babies have two men that love them unconditionally, and my babies adore their biological dad and my bf very much.
Your kids will struggle with a split household but in general, kids with happy parents are happy kids. You don’t have to sacrifice your joy to have your babies. As long as both of you have ample availability to show how much you love them, a split is not the worst thing that could happen to them.
Girl I was married at 18 for 10.5 years had 3 kids and it was lousy… put your happiness first… your kids will survive and be happy that you’re happy I promise
It’s not choosing your happiness over theirs, because really if their mum isn’t happy they’ll pick up on that. They can be happy and have both parents in their lives with you not being together, co-parenting works well when both parents make the effort. Be happy, don’t let him back but tell him that you need to put a routine in place where both of you spend time and have a relationship with your children xx
I have lived the same as you. I felt the same way with mine. You aren’t being selfish. You matter too. You’re children may not like at first but it will all be okay.
I feel like when we’re in these situations we can’t see the big picture. Can’t put aside our emotions to analyze the situation. I’m a single mom with a5yr old and 2yo. It’s heartbreaking for these kids when the grow up entangled in our problems. I can give my kids everything and they’ll still always be missing something.
Happy parents make happy healthy kids. Staying in a relationship because of the kids can be a mistake.
If you’re not happy, you’re children aren’t happy. Plain and simple. You can’t raise a happy family pretending and being fake.
Children need happy parents , not just their parents there . There is no point in a marriage that is loveless , and having one parent miserable . Also , they will think it’s okay to accept the bare minimum from someone they love … and that’s not right . You deserve to be happy . “Staying for the kids” can end up far worse , than going your separate ways and coparenting efficiently .
Thing is if your not truly happy in your marriage it will eventually affect you kids, your depression and sadness will effect them even if you think it’s not. You’ve been in this marriage awhile now and he’s not changed for what you need out of a partner so it’s time for you to be happy and be loved the way you’ve been longing for. If your happy then your Jamie’s will thrive abs be happy as well. Your not leaving you kids behind for this new guy and him including them in your conversations says a lot so I think your ex is seeing the change in you (smiling more, dressing different, hair change) whatever it is I’m sure there’s been some changes with you now that you see what real love has to offer and he wants his “family” back but he’s still the same person you were with for all those years and hasn’t changed. So do you girl get the good lovin lol and let this new man show you what you’ve been missing and everything else will fall into place. 
Better for the kids to see their mom happy and most of all treated right.
Your happiness will be for your kids. Staying for the kids rarely works. I did it for many years only to be older and cheated on. I should have left a long time ago. Now I’m kicking myself. Your kids will always have their Dad. Them seeing you in a healthy relationship and treated the right way will serve as a lesson for them and how they treat people and know how they should be treated in their lives. I wish you well.
Your happiness is your kids happiness! They deserve a role model for what a relationship should look like and a father figure who puts time, thought, and energy into them. Follow your heart mama.
Your children learn what love and relationships look like from you.
Sounds like you gave him plenty of chances. If you’re not in love with him, you cant just go back for him or the kids.
It would have to be for YOU.
Go where youre happy mama, better for the kids to see you happy too!
Sometimes a divorce is needed. Sad to say but true. I was all about my ex husband and our daughter. He was all about himself and sometimes our daughter. I found out he was having affair and filed for divorce, while he was off having his affair I was very depressed always stressed and my daughter felt all that. After the divorce I found myself again and got happy again. In the end it was better not only for myself but my daughter too because now she isn’t watching her parents be unhappy, fighting, or barely speaking.
Honey. Sounds like he only wants you back because you are happy. Let him go and you all will be stronger for it.
Your happiness is so important for your children’s mental health and well being growing up and yours.
Your kids needs to see happiness on there family. Once your husband cheated on you that where your life chanced if not before that. Now that you are happy ( with someone else) now your kids dad wants you back please don’t fall into it. You gave that man 10 years and he never did anything but cheat he isn’t worth it. Your kids need to have a man in there lives that will make there mother happy and give them a prime example how to treat a woman. Best thing let the dad know you will always have a peace in your heart and the love for him will always be there due to the kids but y’all’s happiness is better not under the same house, plus rather have a great co-parent relationship than the worse a child can see.
My parents tried for years to make it work for the same of us kids and we were a lot happier and better off when they finally separated. They don’t need their mom to be with their dad they need their mom to be happy
Your happiness will make you a better parent - but just remember it’s important that their father remains in their life. Unfortunately, couples don’t always work out & it’s hard on the kids but there are ways to co parent that helps benefit the kids a lot. As long as you both remember that & always do what’s best for the kids - it will all work out even if mom & dad are not together.
If he isn’t going to make you feel the way this new man does then it is not worth it. It will be difficult on the kids but when they are old enough to understand they will be happy that you did what made you happy. Kids honestly just want what will make their parents happy. Also, living in a relationship like that makes that type of relationship normal to them and then they will settle for the same. I wish you the best mama
Marriage is a commitment. You will always fall in and out of love with your partner. Kids want there parents together. This decision is totally up to you. I don’t think a strangers advice is going to help.
Children need happy parents, there is no point being in a loveless marriage with arguing etc. That’s not healthy for them, your not being selfish at all and your also teaching them how it should be or they “may” end up in the same situation. I think happy parents separated is much easier for them than unhappy parents together under the same roof with constant conflict.
If a mother is happy, kids will always be happy.
Go forth and embrace your new found happiness!!
I grew up with my grandparents who separated after I moved out, kids know. They know when their parents don’t love each other and they know when one grows to despise the other for this exact reason. My grandparents are both completely different people since they’ve been apart and it took time to adjust to because of them being together my entire life but they’re so much happier now and I’m so glad they’ve got that before they pass instead of being miserable until “death do us part”
I have to say, if you are miserable your kids will feel that vibe abs they will always be uncomfortable too. Funding the ability to co parent abs work together is best for your kids, although honestly I have to wonder if he’s ready for that without you doing the heavy lifting. But denying your own happiness is not going to be good for your kids, or for you. Get along with the father as best you can, but that doesn’t mean you need to be unfulfilled
Your kids are better off seeing their mother happy, and in a healthy relationship, than with their father who has no appreciation or respect for you. He had plenty of years to show you love, and he cheated on you. It is in no way selfish for you to leave and pursue healthy relationships that you deserve. Good luck!
Also follow up. This isn’t putting yourself before your kids. It’s equal. Your happiness is 100% your kids happiness. Your kids are going to see you happy and enjoy being around you when you’re happy. When you’re depressed they’re going to be depressed too. Do what makes you happy and you’ll make you’re kids happy too.
If you are miserable your children know already. You deserve to be confident and happy. Your children will learn from your example.
If he is a good dad and you chose to forgive him for cheating years ago, I’d say stay together 6 months and try going to marriage counseling… you can always fall back into love, especially if you’re both working hard on it. If you are worried about your kids growing up without both their parents together, I’d give professional help a considerate glance!! Sometimes going to counseling really makes al the difference and you really could be happy. You’ll never know if you don’t try. If it doesn’t work out, then move onto new love… but if you’re worried about “the family unit” there are options.
You are not in the wrong. Allow yourself to flourish in a happy relationship, & watch your babies flourish as well right there with you. You are not being selfish.
You deserve to be happy! If your not happy, then your kids aren’t happy. I forward with this guy, it will show your kids what a healthy relationship really looks like and they won’t settle for someone who doesn’t prioritize them. Don’t go back with your husband just because you feel bad for the kids. You will be miserable and they will be able to pick up on that, making them feel that way as well.
The way I see it is he didn’t want his family when he stepped out your marriage. I think kids do better in a home where mom is happy. Sometimes that means dad doesn’t live in the same house. Time to take out the trash 
Your kids can sense your unhappiness. They need a healthy environment…but don’t be so quick to jump in with this other guy. A lot of guys tend to do all these wonderful things while trying to win you over and then it all stops once they have you. No not all are like that but I’ve seen it time and time again. Your kids need a healthy and happy mother and if it’s not with their father then that’s ok. If it was meant to be with him then it wouldn’t be so hard. A partner is supposed to help make life easier, not harder. All while I understand relationships are HARD and it’s not always sunshine and roses. It takes WORK. But it sounds like you and him are just 2 very different people and you deserve someone who will listen and do nice things for you and be your best friend. Don’t make your kids have to recover from their childhood. Things don’t always go as we pictured and that’s ok.
Staying together for the kids is the worse thing to do . It subconsciously teaches the kids that their own happiness in a marriage is illrelavent. A home full of love grows a more stable kid.
My baby’s father and I split up pretty much right after I had my son. I just literally felt like I ‘grew out of him’ he didn’t care to better himself or our lives when I was pregnant & let me down a lot! I grew to really resent him!! Go to court for 50/50 custody of your kids. My son’s dad is a mess so he gets 2 days daytime visitation. We were fighting a lot & I know it’s better to grow up with 2 parents that aren’t together, than to have your children see your unhappiness! Do NOT go back!! Sounds like you found someone to treat you right!! You may grow to resent him & kids pick up on every little thing. Way better to be apart than miserable with someone you don’t love!!
I was in the same situation and my kids now LOVE my boyfriend and I’m so so so glad I finally got away from my ex and found my new man I have never been happier and my kids are so happy they have “two dad’s” or as my seven yr old daughter says " two dad’s one city" 
Speaking first hand from the “kids” perspective, if you stay in a relationship that is unhealthy and you aren’t happy in it’ll mess your kids up. Ending your marriage isn’t selfish because you need to be happy and healthy in order to raise happy and healthy kids. They need to see what a healthy relationship looks like and they need a happy mom too.
Here’s how I see it. Children learn how to adult from adults around them. So if they grow up with a miserable mom who fake smiles to the public and a dad who doesn’t left his queen to the position she requires, they learn that thats normal. I’ve had an ex who never thought flowers or even basic appreciation was important because his dad never did that stuff and his mom was “perfectly happy” like nah bud, she probably hates her life. They need an example of what a HEALTHY and HAPPY relationship looks like.
Dont stay for the kids. Them seeing you unhally is worse theb then gaining another person that loves them. I regret 10 yrs woman keep walking keep gour gead high and know you are doing whats right.
Sometimes you have to put you first because if you aren’t taking care of you, you aren’t being your best self for your kids. By doing self care and finding your happiness then you are showing your kids how to love themselves and put them first. Kids see things even when we hope they aren’t watching.
Growing up with 2 parents is cool unless the relationship between them isn’t healthy. My parents tried to stay together for us and my mom in particular took a lot of her frustrations out on me. When they divorced our lives improved by leaps and bounds.
You are not responsible for your exs feelings. He’s an adult. You addressed your feelings and he didn’t think they were important. He slept with someone else and he didn’t consider you then either. He should have considered you when you were there.
Your children will grow up to model your behaviors and his. They see you when you don’t think they do. They know when you’re upset because no matter how well you think you mask that pain you’re not doing it nearly as well as you think you are.
If you’re happy, for the most part it will benefit your children seeing you happy. They may need time to adjust but seeing you unhappy will do them no good. Sometimes things just don’t work out.
Sadly your husband had 10 years to show you how important you are, and your needs werent being met even after voicing them. You have started to move on and found someone who makes you happy, and who accepts you and the kids come as a package deal…however…he is not the childrens father, and unless your ex husband falls short of his parental role as he did in his marital role then there is no reason at all why he cant still be a good dad, and why you cant parent together. Sometimes seeing you hurting eachother and in a miserable marriage is worse for the children than a clean and hopefully even a civil break where you can both do what is right by your kids
Do you want your children to think that they are either supposed to treat women like you were treated by your ex, or that they should be treated that way by men.
You need to be happy too.
Living in a toxic environment is not good for children. I personally feel it is not good to stay in a marriage just for the kids because in the end they are going to notice how unhappy you are.
They need a happy mother not a miserable family. Been there did that. Trust me, if he’s not willing to step up and provide the nonmonetary things needed don’t go back.
The kids aren’t going to be happy if your aren’t. They’re also likely to grow up and model some of the same behaviour that you don’t like. There’s so much more to consider than who’s happiness is more important.
I nearly died a few years ago. But what that taught me is we die and only take memories… You want memories of being miserable? Your kids can sense your not happy so they won’t be as happy as you think maybe ok now but when there older it affects them (did my older boy). Obviously other things happened to for me and I chose to leave and me and the kids are happier obviously kids love there dad and I do not stop him seeing them at all and I encourage them to see each other.
Children need happy healthy parents - even if their parents are not “together.”
I was with a man for 2 years who sounds exactly like your husband, I too ended up feeling very insecure and depressed. I tried so hard to make him realise and to love me in my live language but he wouldn’t even try, my children didn’t particularly like him by the end of our relationship because they could see how deflated I was, mentally and physically. I finally walked away and met my current partner. He is the exact opposite of my ex, he showers me with love and affection without having to ask for it. He is amazing by my children and our lifestyle has changed dramatically for the better… If you’ve found this person, treasure him. Because children need a happy Mam & it’s on you to set the example to your kids how a relationship is supposed to be. Happiness over history 
I stayed with my ex husband for a while for the kids sake then there came a point where I realised maybe it wasn’t healthy for the kids. I want my children to see how a real loving relationship should be. I would never want my children to settle for the sake of their kids and be unhappy. Happy mum makes happy children. Was a big change for my kids but they adapted fairly well in the end x
Your happiness matters too. If you’re not happy, your kids won’t be. They need to see their Mom being treated right & loved properly. That’s all that matters. 
You definitely don’t want to show them an unhealthy relationship, but I also think you should not bring a random man into their life until you are pretty certain it is going to work out, I say at minimum date 6 months before you bring him around your kids honestly, it is just as unhealthy bringing multiple men into their lives as it would be to stay in an unhealthy marriage.
Staying in an unhappy marriage is not putting your kids first. You can’t be the best mother to them if you are miserable.
as a child that experienced this if your miserable do whats best for you …a happy mother is a happy child. Im a mother now im not with the father. Hea shit anyway but if ye can be civil now and agree for the kids best interest then do it might hurt them first but they are young I remember my mother being miserable my father made things harder he was a duckweed but sounds like ye can do this without hurting the kids
I do have one piece of advise if you decide to leave. Live on your own with the kids for a couple years. If you just go from one relationship to another; you will not learn to be happy with yourself. I think it just leaves you open to makingbthe same mistake over and over.
This man had 10 years to validate and honor you as a wife. I am moat certain you didnt just leave him out the blue and he had several warnings over that decade. Your babies will be fine and probably a lot happier because you will be radiating happiness. I personally know this is a tough decision but it is not selfish to want to be happy and I for one think you would regret not giving this new relationship a fair chance. Yall are already seperated so the babies are already accustomed to parents being apart.
Your kids will be fine he can still be a dad but you dont have to be with him. Move on with your life and be happy you only get 1 life.
Children need to see healthy, happy relationships. If you and the father are not in a healthy, happy relationship, your home will be more “broken” than what people think of as a “broken home.” Staying together only for the kids is almost never the best decision.
Step one…. You haven’t been separated long enough to “fall” for someone new. SLOW DOWNNNNN. You will end up with four kids and zero stability. Trust me.
If the new dude is as wonderful as he seems he will definitely be able to slow down and NOT miss a beat. It would be super suspicious for ME if some man I only new for a short time spoke of my kids as he own?? Whyyyyy?? No no no. You have KIDS! You MUST realize that in this world there are men who prey on vulnerable women, especially with kids.
Do NOT return to the husband! That’s not a healthy environment for anyone. He misses the benefits of a wife and doesn’t want to put in the time to keep one happy and healthy.
You are NOT in a place emotionally or mentally for a new “serious” relationship. You aren’t even divorced. Make sure you make time for yourself to heal. To rediscover who you are.
In LESS than 6 months since leaving your husband you think a knight in shining armor showed up… no. You are seeing his best foot forward on his best behavior…. Slow down.
Well if you want to work it out with your husband then marriage counseling but if not then move on and be happy and coparent with there dad.
They want a happy mum! Just because you have children doesn’t mean you should be together for them! Trust me i know ive come out of a long term relationship he cheated, lied, constantly put me down ect i hated the way i looked all because of HIM and now i sit back and realise how bad it was and how unhappy i was for so many years! I’m so happy now my confidence is back! Do whats best for you and the rest will follow just because your a mum doesn’t mean you should put you feelings behind all that x
Hunny you answered your own question love us a beautiful things when spent with the rightt one if your happy where your at then stay work out visits an move on
Your mental health includes your happiness. I can’t think of anything worse for a child than witnessing parents who live together but don’t love each other. Move on and co-parent. This will be the new norm for everyone. Your ex had that chance already. Sounds like he failed miserably. Why go back?
There’s so many kids now with divorced parents it’s way more common. Sure it’s great if both parents are together and in the same house but only if everyone loves each other and is happy that it’s that way. Take it from me. My parents had super extensive yelling matches all the time and it was not fun. The home became a place we didn’t want to be. As kids. I’m talking young 5-9. When they got divorced and got to be happy on their own things were sooo much better. At first it was rough but it really didn’t take long at all to adapt because in the end everyone was so much happier. Kids need a happy house. Whether that be one or two. Not an angry or depressed house.
They need their mom to be happy! They need to see positive relationships! He has shown you for 10 years how much you mean to him! Move on!
You said it yourself. You just don’t love him anymore.
You’re happy where you are now, the kids will still see their dad.
Don’t go back, I get that would be nice for the kids to be with both parents but t some point the kids will see how unhappy you’re and that it’s becouse it’s with someone that u don’t like and the kids will start hating their dad because the way he treats you or they can see the way he treats you and you are okay with it because you are still there and when they get older they will be in a relationship and treat their significant other the same way your husband treated you and you do not want that you want to show your kids that you are with a partner that you love and care for and respect you not just to be with someone and not treat them as a wife
Trust me, if you’re not happy, your kids will eventually pick up on it. They might not know the whys but they will feel the effects. Sometimes in order to take care of others you have to take care of yourself 1st. With that being said, you need to do what makes you happy without being wishy washy and going back and forth. Sounds like you have already left and are happy. I would continue down that path IMO.
Staying for the kids is not the answer I did that with my first son stayed almost 12 years. In that 12 years I went from 130 pounds to 200 pounds cause I was miserable I would eat for comfort. You need to be happy for your kids also.
Absolutely put your happiness first in this case momma! Sounds like he’s a lazy ass man who doesn’t love you. And you’ve found someone willing to put in the effort and show you. Take that chance! Your kids will see how you’re treated in a relationship and think that’s how it’s supposed to be. Which one would you be okay with your kid dating someone just like them?
Children know when their mommy is not happy. Be happy!
Live your life with this new man! Sounds like he’s everything you wanted in a husband! The kids will understand when they are older
Was in a similar situation 10 years ago, been happier than ever last 10 years.
Stay gone , keep the good man you got and love each other . Your kids will be happier .
If your not happy in your situation, your kids know that. Parents are always saying “we stayed together for the kids.” But all you’re doing is giving them a bad example on marriage. They’ll grow up thinking they have to sacrifice their happiness in order to “protect” the children. If you are truly happy in your new relationship, why would you end that to go back to being miserable? You deserve to be happy and be treated like a queen.
“You can’t make anyone happy until you make yourself happy.”
You can choose to stay and let the kids have an unhealthy and toxic relationship or let go and be the better version of yourself, and the rest will follow. Remember if you are happy the kids will see it and nourish it but if not, all will be broken into pieces. So follow whats the best for you.
From someone who watches their mom for years stay for the kids let me tell you, It’s way better for your kids to see you in a happy relationship being treated how you want and should be then to see you missrable in an unhappy marriage just to “keep the family together.”
It’s not selfish or putting you before your kids as long as they are happy, cared for & you dont keep them away from their dad if they love him and want to be around him. And you giving them a 2nd dad is just giving them more love.
Leave the husband things don’t get better they only get worse your happiness will ultimately make you a better parent in the long run
You definitely need to put your happiness first because you need to be at your best for your children. Your children are still young enough where they don’t know you as just an unhappy person. Kids can key in on that kind of stuff. You need to listen to your heart and your intuition. You are so young. There is so much of a world out there for you to explore. I would also caution you. Per what you wrote, I’m assuming you have only been in a long-term relationship with your children’s father? This new man sounds wonderful, but go in with your eyes open. You are still so young. I wish you all the best. Don’t forget that the little voice inside of you exist for a reason and no matter how much you want something you have to listen to that voice. Even if you don’t know why you hear that voice because everything seems perfect, that voice speaking for a reason.
I was in the exact same situation and my ex ended up cheating. Just leave & you’ll be so much happier therefore your kids will be happier!
You’ve done all the work with the first one. He doesn’t have to and won’t. He misses his maid, cook, baker, chauffeur of children, etc. make him do it on his own. And GO FOR THE NEW GUY!!! 
If you are not happy in your relationship your kids won’t be either.
It’s not putting your happiness first. It’s creating a happy and healthy environment for your kids. It seems you are both kind of selfish from my POV, sorry to say. You want flowers all the time, and by your own admission he only got them for you because you sooked about them. That’s not romance, that appeasing a whinging brat. His idea of romance is clearly different from yours. But, the way it seems, he has realised either A) he’s lost a good woman, or B( he’s lost his maid. Take this time to work on yourself, to be happy by yourself for you kids before you even look at another person. I’ve seen it too much that woman leave a man for X amount of reasons, go for another man and then have the same situation because it wasn’t what they wanted. Just please, talk with your ex/husband and let him know what issues you had, but make a clear point that you either do or do not want to be with him. Tell him plain that you would be his partner, everything is 50/50, you are not doing everything alone. If he can’t do that then he isn’t worth your or your kids time.
Communication goes a long way . Look to his dad , is he the same way? Usually they learn from parents. I would have a heart to heart. If he’s a good dad , provider then you take the initiative