Should I put my happiness before my kids?

Kids suffer most when their parents are unhappy. Don’t keep yourself in a place where you’re depressed and unappreciated.

If you found new love, and someone who meets your needs without begging and crying, KEEP HIM.

If Mom ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy…this is a true statement for both parents. If the 2 of you are not absolutely happy then you are sending that out to your kids. And the things YOU see wong in your marriage is exactly what you are modeling for them to find in their own lives. My sisters gave me shit for so long because i was so old and unmarried, but I would never settle for less then exactly what I wanted and I got exactly that. 12 years for me has seemed like a literally year, the more yeRs go on the more I want to be with him and our kids have a happy home and make/female role models that I want them to strive for and be. The biggest question you need to ask yourself is WHAT WILL MY KIDS ACTUALLY GET OUT OF THIS…pros and cons and go from ther

Would you want your kids to stay in a miserable relationship? If no, then don’t stay in one yourself. They’ll know you’re miserable, and they’ll think that’s normal.

You must first care for yourself before you can provide for your kids and staying trapped in a bad marriage only shows your kids that it’s ok to have a husband who cheats on you and treats you like crap or that it’s ok to be a man who behaves this way. It’s a horrible thing we call generational curses. Stand up for yourself. I highly recommend finding a therapist that specializes in men with addictions. Even though you might not see your husband as having an addiction, he has an addiction for lying about everything. Lying and cheating and blaming you for his issues. For your kids mental and emotional health you need to get out of that marriage and get help. I don’t know that you should jump into this new relationship full force before getting therapy. But rule number one is don’t make excuses for him. That doesn’t mean say a bunch of bad crap about him to your kids. That’s not good for the kids but you shouldn’t make excuses for his lying or cheating either. It’s ok to say daddy shouldn’t lie to you or daddy shouldn’t treat mommy like this so I had to leave.

Happy apart is better than toxic together. Believe me, the kids will feel the toxic environment that’s created from your unhappiness.

I never once made it a priority to stay with someone just because he was the father of my child. That’s not enough of a reason to be with someone that doesn’t make me happy. Of course, in my case, he was also an abuser. So that solidified my stance.

Moving on and falling in love with someone who actually knows how to treat me and make me happy was the best thing for me and my child.

All your children want is to see their momma happy! That’s all any child wants is to see their parents happy. You cant give your all to your child if you arent taking care of YOU 100%

Kids will see a healthy living relationship which will go further in life

There is no time in life to be miserable. I went through the same dilemma. If you’re happy… your kids will follow right behind that happiness. Every now and then the guilt of them not having both parents around will hit you but would you rather them see you miserable instead?

I 100% say your happiness should come 1st, Do you have the children with you? Ur ex is playing mind games cos if he wants you back he’ll fight to get you back but think it’s more he misses what he had and if you go back he will not change it’ll stay same. Move forward with your children and enjoy your new relationship.

What helped make my decision was this… If my child came to me with this problem, what advice would I give them.
That’s your answer

Give him better sex, or more sex but change it up. Create the passion, and the heat. My bf is a loser romantically. He has no kids, and I have 2 older kids(14, 12) And he was a lousy lover til I threw him around the bedroom. You are young…explore your sexuality. That’s all it takes to create romance and passion

It is NOT selfish to show your children what a healthy, loving relationship looks like. And guaranteed your 6 year old has already noticed how much happier you are- being happy DOES make a difference in how your kids see you. I was miserable with my ex and I finally found the strength to walk away and now I have a new husband who treats me like a queen and I’m the happiest I’ve ever been in my life and my kids comment all the time about it! :sparkling_heart: Don’t stay in an unhealthy situation for your kids because you aren’t doing them any favors by it.

Guys really suck these days…it’s sad :cry: shout-out to those who know why it’s neccessary to romance and love their woman…who uplift their woman and make others jealous because she has such a big smile …and is happy…who deserve the best …who know the worth of a GOOD WOMAN and the love of a real woman…who are satisfied happy well loved and fed men …prayers for those men or woman in TOXIC…ONE SIDED …miserable …fake relationships…I pray you learn to love yourself and become worthy and be the requirements of your requirements and never settle…if someone loves you…they will never humiliate or belittle or disrespect you or cause you pain…and if they do and you let them know and they treat you like a joke or find pleasure in bringing you to that place…I hope you gather the strength to bring them to the only place they should be which I doubt is the trash cause that’s THEM…and trash belongs where?? On the CURB…which is exactly where you should kick his ass! If you’re a beautiful woman…got a lot going for you and got God…don’t think you can’t do better. Same applies to you wonderful dudes out here…and no…you are NOT God’s gift to woman or all ‘that’ just cause you work. I held down 2 kids, a house, studied and worked ALL BY MYSELF…and none of that is what makes me worthy or a good woman…and I’d never feel entitled to treat a dude however for that cause…being rich in heart…wise and etc are qualities that can NOT be bought or faked…you either have it or you don’t and to a real one…those are most attractive qualities…you either truly love somebody or you don’t love them at all…no one who says they loves you yet continues to cause your pain and make excuses loves you…they’re faking it…sorry but ya have to hear the truth…be discerning. I’ll never be afraid to walk away …ever…I’m not one who gives you easily or is weak so best believe if I walk away…you’ve given me no choice. Know your worth sweetie :sparkles::white_heart:

My parents divorced when I was 4. My Dad happily remarried. My Mom stayed miserable. Dad tried to get primary guardianship but the law favored the Mother. Years later and ALOT of therapy… My Dad broke down in tears and apologized for my up bringing (it wasn’t in his control and he tried to stay for us but ultimately was told to go). I stopped him… Because yes, my life was hard but… It wasn’t his fault. He couldn’t have changed it and most importantly… If things didn’t happen the way they did, he never would have had the chance to be HAPPY! I love that he is happy! I am grateful for it, it allowed him to be an anchor. A huge support and encouragement in my life. I have always known how deeply I was loved by him, he always showed me every chance he got.

Point is, as a parent, you can’t control everything to be picture perfect for your kids. You CAN make healthy and smart choices . You CAN show your kids what happiness and joy look like. Kids are resilient, at the end of the day, they love you. They want you to be happy. When you ARE happy, you are healthier for THEM!

I was once told in order to love someone else you must love yourself first :slightly_smiling_face:.

Your kids will be fine.
I stayed in a relationship way longer than I should have because of my kids and I was absolutely miserable. It got so bad I started resenting my kids eventhough it wasn’t their fault. I was not a happy mom. I dreaded going home after work because he would be there and I would be too miserable to even have any motivation to do things with my kids. I seriously hated my life.
But one day I just snapped and said that I was done… and as soon as me and my ex split and me and the kids moved out, it felt like light was finally breaking apart the darkness I side of me. I saw a difference in myself and especially my children. We are all so much happier now. It’s amazing how good you can feel once you let go of just one negative person in your life.

Only because you have kids doesn’t mean that you need to put your happiness aside. You’re not a robot. And sometimes separating is the best for everybody involved. You don’t want your kids to grow up thinking that certain things are normal when they really aren’t.

Kids need to see mama treated the way she should be.

If you have communicated your needs and he is unwilling to fulfill them, you go be your best self for your children.

You being miserable does not help your children. Being in a miserable marriage is not a good example to set for them. Just because you guys aren’t together, doesn’t mean you can’t have a healthy co-parenting relationship. It’s better for children to see their parent happy apart than miserable together. I also would just like to point out that only a few months is a bit early to be making life plans with another man, especially since you have only been separated for 6 months. Let the kids adjust to life with separated parents for a while before introducing another parent figure.

I’m exactly in the same place and our kids are same ages!:heart: But my new suitor is online and away thats why I can’t decide now what’s the best for me and my kids .Im reading all the comments and still learning​:heart::heart::heart:

It’s funny that we forget we are women first and then mothers…put your self first ur kids will grow up and leave ur home and then what will u have ?

I’m in the same boat. But mine never worked. He was 9 years older than me and I supported everyone and took care of everything. Alone.

Do not do it!! Staying with someone for the kids is the worst thing you could do. He had 10 years to show you what you mean to him and he did.

When you fly on an airplane, the flight attendant instructs you to “put your oxygen mask on first,” before helping others. Why is this an important rule for ensuring survival? Because if you run out of oxygen yourself, you can’t help anyone else.
Being happy is an essential part of self care and beneficial for your health. You have to be happy too, your little ones can sense it and that makes them happy as well…

He got too comfortable and took you for granted. It has to be 50/50 for it to work.

Kids don’t grow up happy and healthy just because both parents are in the same house.

Your kids will be happy when their mom is happy.

If mommy is happy and the kids are her nr 1 priority, then everyone will be happy…
You can’t pour from an empty cup
Mommy, you need to be happy…life is hard enough as it is
:purple_heart:

Leave him. I put up with that for 23 years. Hot divorced. Met someone 3 years later. We got married and I couldn’t be happier. Your kids don’t need to live with the stress either.

I’m gunna tell you something my grandparents told me. If you are not happy then your kids are not happy. Period.

I was literally in the exact same situation as you are now for 4 years. Finally decided to get out and it was the best decision I ever made. Yes I felt guilty for leaving the kids father and thought I ruined their happiness but in the end my two kids are happy because I am.

And I know I’ll get some comments back after I say this but it’s the truth. I’ve learned that in marriage (and many couples have said this as well) the kids don’t really come first. It’s God, you and your spouse and then your kids. Just like above if you and your spouse are happy then the kids will be happy.

Bottom line is don’t stay with someone if your not happy. It’ll destroy you from the inside out and your kids will feel it and reciprocate.

Good luck momma.

You were living a lie pretending it was great. That’s no way to live. If you went back, things might change for a month or two, but he is who he is. He didn’t care about you or your feelings then. He won’t care if you go back. He lost an easy life. That’s all he wants back.

Your not wrong for feeling that way!! You need to be happy. I was in a bad marriage and my kids were 1 and 3. I found a wonderful man and have been with him for 13 years now. I have a friend who stayed in a horrible marriage with a man that sounds like your ex. She put his needs and the idea of having her kids see both parents together before her happiness. He is just upset that your moving on and am happy. Trust me if you take him back for the kids he will not change. It’s manipulation. If he wanted you back so badly he would have changed before you were happy. You need to be happy for your kids. Your kids need to see you happy and it’s better to be from a broken family then a broken miserable home. Trust me. Your kids need and want to see you treated good

I don’t have kids and I don’t know what’s right for you, but I imagine that your happiness would be your kids’ happiness. Therefore it’s not necessarily putting one before the other as they are tied to each other, if that makes sense. I hope you find peace.

In the words of dr Phil - “children would rather be from a broken home than live in a broken home”.

Your kids will get use to it and they will grow up seeing what a relationship should be. I know its hard bc i have been there but in the long run, its worth it.

I feel like people give up on marriage too easily. Maybe your husband would have started making more of an effort if you told him how serious you were of leaving. My marriage has been up and down. But my kids are my priority and I couldn’t imagine not having them when they are with their father.

I left my marriage but I didn’t run out and date. I wanted my child to know he was safe and I was there for him. I think if your husband is asking for his family back - why wouldn’t you try again. You seem to already made your mind up and jumped on a new man. Why ask the question now? Every new relationship is wonderful until you get tired of it and give up.

Advice on what. You answered your own questions. Leave him for cheating, not bc he doesn’t get you gifts

he wants to treat you right because there is someone else. See? He IS a mind reader. Keep it stepping girl… forward NOT back.

Staying together for the kids is single handedly one of the worst things you could do

Sometimes it’s better to be from a broken home that live in a broken home!!!

Honestly I’d do what makes you happy because what makes you happy ur kids will see ur happiness and dont go back just for their sake u deserve to be happy and treated well

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Never stay together just for the kids it’ll do more damage than good

Your husband is a narcissistic type person he will never change he will tell you all the things that you need to hear they’ll make you change your mind but he will never change you need to get strong and stand up for what you want in a relationship. If he hasn’t done that in the past he will not do that in the future. What ever you do don’t let him use the children to get to you .Move forward with your life don’t let him tell you what to do or have anything to do with anything that you want to do He will try to control you because narcissistic people are controllers they do it by any means possible. take care of yourself stay strong make a plan for your future and for your child’s future you can do this you. Your Children will survive . Ive been there and done that .

Would you rather your kids see their mom miserable in a marriage or happy separated?

Don’t go back. It won’t get better. This sounds just like my ex husband. He cheated numerous times I took him back on the promises it would change it never did. The cheating did but his attitude toward me didn’t, it got to the point it got physical and I feared for my life at times, because he got on drugs bad. It’s been a year since we have been separated and I started seeing someone 4 months after we separated and my life is so much better I’m glad I left and never looked back. My life is now everything I could ever dream about, I also have two kids and I stayed for 14 years for them, but now they are much happier too

Worst case scenario you leave your husband for this man and he dumps you, doesn’t get along with kids… suddenly you have to work for a low wage and your kids don’t have a dad in their lives. Have you tried spelling out what you want for your husband what you want instead of hinting? The problems you are mentioning seems to be stupidity rather than malice from husband’s side. The green grass has it’s own fertilizer you know

Your kids will be happy if you are and your Ex Isn’t decisive! If he starts playing games with the kids put him on notice. He had his chance. Move on.

Don’t go back to him! A leopard doesn’t change his spots!

Being happy is part of being a good mother. Everything that affects you, affects them.

Okay mama, first thing is first: 1. Matching biology does not make a happy family.

DNA does not make a family, love and commitment makes a family. It sounds like your husband really takes you for granted. It sound like your love language is “little gifts,” which do not have to be expensive, merely a token representing thought and consideration. Due to his lack of gifts, and lack of investment in “quality time” (which seems to be your secondary love language) you are left feeling unloved and not considered. Add that with the cheating, and none of it is a good look.

Before ending your marriage, I think you should have a discussion with this new guy. Does he love you and your children enough to give you the space to be sure? 6 months is very fast to jump out of the relationship which has dominated your entire adult life and straight into another one.

If you do decide to give it one more try with your husband, go to counseling, tbh it’s the only way that I would personally agree to try again. It sounds like both of you are used to practicing poor communication habits. A therapist can help you say what you mean as well as head the other. Date each other and figure it out. If it won’t work, then it won’t work, but hopefully you’ll AT LEAST be able to part ways and be able to communicate in healthy ways to effectively coparent your children.

  1. Your happiness and satisfaction with your life are important.

If you’re not happy together that isn’t good for the kids.

I personally believe you can’t build a house on a broken foundation…

The key words you said, he doesn’t know what you want because he’s not a mind reader, that’s your que to start communicating better with him

Do not stay in a relationship because you think it’s best for the kids…a kid sees and hears…you will do more damage by staying.and once a cheater, always a cheater…move on to bigger and better doll. You shouldn’t feel any guilt at all

Don’t give your ex the time of day. Why should you be unhappy.

I did everything for someone once too. Lost myself and who I wanted to be. He made me so insecure. I felt so ugly for years. I let him do that to me among other things. Long story short I practically did everything for him except wipe his a** lol.

I finally let go and the world opened up. I have gained confidence and I met some cool people along the way. I found a path that I want to now follow. I want to be different and stronger. I want to be a positive energy in someone’s life. I want to dedicate myself to helping others. If I can change someone’s life for the better. I’d be happy. I realized how special I am by letting go. You’d be surprised by how many people your new glow will attract.

There’s someone out there that will adore you and appreciate you. I realized that people will choose who they want by how they treat them. If he had chosen you, he would’ve done so many things to treat you better without having to be asked.

You chose him but he didn’t reciprocate that because you’re not the one and that’s okay. That is what we have to accept in order to move on. You have to be okay with not being the one for the person who was the one for you. Once you accept it, you’ll be a lot happier.
Tell yourself everyday “I am not the one for him and it’s okay because I will be the one for someone else.”

Remember, you can’t force them to love you. I wish someone would’ve sat my as* down and talked some sense to me. I wish they would’ve told me to accept that I can’t force someone to do those things for me. I think it all goes back to my childhood at the end of the day.

Learn some coping mechanisms and start doing self care activities for yourself. Grieve the relationship and all those thoughts of what you wanted it to be. The hopes, the dreams and the future. Grieve then accept and then let go.

Sorry it’s so long! I just hope this helps because I wish I would’ve been told this. I also apologize if I made any grammatical errors.

Good luck! You can also dm me if you need too.
:heart:

Sometimes you have to leave them for them to understand your importance. Don’t forget that!!!

Two happy homes is better than one unhappy home.

Is your love language gifts?

They see how you feel. Would you rather They think a relationship is based off of convience? Or real love.

I have been divorced twice. I will say the first relationship after the divorce/separation is not usually lasting. (This is not the case 100% of the time, but more often than not it’s not a forever thing.) as far as your husband goes, it sounds like he had many chances to straighten up and acknowledge you as his wife and partner… and the infidelity… yuck… I have tried to forgive infidelity and I kept reading all of these saying I needed to forgive… and you know what? That’s just not for me. Turns out I’m not a forgiving person, and I don’t take kindly to disloyalty and lies…. But I get where you are saying he’s a good father , and you want the best for the kids. Also, I will say the new relationship is new and remember with time a relationship will settle and it loses the luster it had in the beginning and after being ignored for so long, it may seem like this new relationship is giving you what you always wanted , but it could just be that you have been so starved for affection that you may be getting pulled in by someone who knows how to feed off of a broken heart. (This is all a bunch of what if’s , I obviously don’t know you personally or either man) I would recommend to be honest with both men. I would seek counseling. You have a lot of emotions you need to work through and as a single mom, I’m sure you don’t have the adequate time to really sort through all of this on your own. Having a person to talk to that’s removed from the situation , and can help you identify what you are feeling and what you really want and need is something you won’t regret.

Affairs are not real life. It’s easy to give you everything when your not living the mudane everyday life

It is not putting your happiness before them because it will also benefit them! We only have 1 life and deserve to be happy…and your kids will grow up knowing what real love is…

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If your kids see you happy they are happy

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Is he a good father? Is the damage the children are going to experience with a divorce less than if you remained together? What did he say about the cheating? That would have been the deal-breaker for me. For the sake of the children and for your peace-of-mind, I think counseling would be worth your time. I wish you well.

life is short! do what makes u happy! ur kids will be happy in return! hugs my lovey! i’ve been there!!! XOXO ur not selfish AT ALL! i’m proud of u and super happy for u! good luck!

Momma , your kids can’t be happy if you are not. They need to see and experience love too :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:
You got this!

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Happy mum happy children… you shouldn’t have to destroy yourself to keep other whole my dear. Your happiness is important too

Why are you with him?

Do it for yourself … if you don’t you will regret it later … sounds like a dream and happy mom happy children

They need to see you happy - that’s important. Be happy for yourself and your kids!!!

Happy life for mom= happy life for kids, don’t feel bad. Dude had 10 years to be a good husband. You gave it a run, now it’s your time to be happy.

I think your happiness is better for the kids.

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Your babies deserve a happy mama. The best YOU is the best thing you can give them!

He’s your EX… as you say in your post. WHY would you expect…flowers?

Momma needs to be happy… the kids will adjust and have a happy mom

You have to be happy for your kids to be happy or they sense it anyway
BE HAPPY WE ONLY HAVE ONE LIFE

Seems like a very selfish man to me

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If your not happy your kids won’t be happy so choose your happiness for all of you…

Two happy homes are better than one miserable home

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YOU being happy , makes our kids happy :smiley:

Please choose happy. It never benefits the kids to keep a miserable family together!

If mama ain’t happy, the kids ain’t happy. That’s all you need to know.

Your happiness matters too, if you are happy tbey will be happy

Happy mumma happy kids as simple as it gets :blush:

No Hun. Your happiness will be their happiness. It will take work, tho. They are young and resilient. Do what’s best for you. ,:heart:

Your kids are only kids for so long. You have to be happy first !

You need to be happy to be the best you. You’re kids deserve to see you happy.

Move on he can see his kids with shared parenting you deserve better

Ohhhh momma !!! That was my story 5yrs ago :pleading_face: my ex husband gave me flowers one time a day after Valentines day smfh :triumph:
He became alcoholic and would beat me up every single time
We were together almost 11yrs
I left him when my son was almost 2 and my babygirl 3
Now i have someone who LOVES me so so much and loves my babies and yes the ex wanted me back so bad bu you know what
I wouldnt go back to him even if he was the last man on earth…i am very very happy​:heart: and YOU momma YOU deserve what you have now​:heart::heart::heart::heart::heart::heart::heart::heart:

Just tell him. I’d like it if you could make me feel special, loved and appreciated.

Say goodbye and move on. Happiness is most important

Hell no dont put your happiness before theirs. They come first.

Your children deserve to see you happy!

Your kids want happy parents. Give them that.

If you’re not happy the kids will not be either

You are important just as much as everyone else. Be happy, it’s healthy

If you’re not happy then your kids won’t be