I’d leave but made sure I had full custody. Sounds like she left her ex and the kids for a boyfriend and the kids visited ever so often…so sad
Almost sounds like my ex daughter in law. She was on drugs. Lost custody and was not fit to care for kids. Fast forward 15 years and she can’t understand why her kids hate her. Stay in same town as your kids. See them as often as you can.
It is okay to not be happy with the father of your kids. That said, it is not okay to not be happy yourself. Being in a relationship takes work, but also it is a partnership…if you two aren’t happy with how it is going then you need to prioritize what is important. Trust, communication, respect, togetherness, and love. If those things are lacking, you need to evaluate what is needed. Your kids are happy when the parents are happy, and going back because he made an excuse that the kids would be happier and things are different is not good. You were on the track of finding what you wanted, and basically you steps backwards which is now making you question everything. If you are a follower of God, pray for strength and guidance. Also, listen to your gut NOT your heart…it is never wrong, and personally, I think you already know the answer…it just isn’t the one you wanted to hear. I wish you luck, and I know you will make the right decision not just for yourself , but for your kids. Lastly, remember…your kids are more resilient than you realize and if you communicate with them, you would be surprised at what they feel about things…if you do decide to go, let them know why. Relationships can be easily broken by thinking they are not mature enough to know what is going on, but kids see things we don’t realize they see. Have faith!
First of all find a good lawyer. Your first husband manipulated you and made threats. What makes him think he’s going to win custody. Make sure your lawyer knows all about the threats. Second get your own place and be productive, work and take care of your kids. You have to live longer with yourself than anyone else. Your kids will be happy when they see you happier and thriving. Third don’t do anything about guy #2 until this mess is cleared up. You need a break from the upheaval.
First of all, be with the man whom.you love mostly. Your kids and they also need balance.
I would be wit the man who’s heart you broke because he seemd to.love you a lot.
My kids are more important than any man. I would take the kids and start a new like making my kids happy. I don’t need a man if my kids are not happy.
So you left your kids to be with a different guy and they visit you? Yeah. They’re better off without you.
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You did not say the age of your kids.
They will know you were not happy living with their father.
Explain to them in as age appropriate language as possible that you are.not happy living with their father and they are not responsible for it.
Explain that as they get older you will want them to love and live with someone that treats them well AND that makes them happy.
Move out with or without the kids what ever is best for you and them.
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No, you don’t stay with a man you don’t love or trust for any reason. Your kids will know you aren’t happy. They will feel guilty when they grow up if you stay.
That’s a tuff one, courts will not just let you move away like that. Unless you have no rights. My opinion would need all the info❤️
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I did exactly what you’re doing. My oldest and youngest are with my ex and have two in between that are not biologicallly his for that reason. I have always came back to try to keep the kids together. I will tell you what I have learned. RUN! You’re kids will be alright. And they will be much better if you are happy and not being manipulated. What you are teaching you’re sons is how to manipulate and keep a woman under their control and your girls to be with a guy that controls them. I regret every second of coming back. My children are 24,23,18,13. They’ve seen it all and they would have been much better off if I learned to walk away and not allow him to manipulate me.
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No…it’s pretty simple…if you want your kids happy they need to see you happy…my kids 100% supported me having to get away from their dad and completely understood that it had nothing to do with them and that they could still love and support him whether we stayed together or not
How old are the kids ? Why don’t YOU have custody of them ? Courts almost always give custody to the mother . The kids will get over anything as long as it doesn’t keep changing.you should talk to a counselor or some other professional .
Sounds to me that they aren’t happy living with him…Curious as to why they aren’t….Also if u do move wouldn’t he move with the kids like you didn’t want in the 1st place
You should not be leaving your kids with a man like that. Talk to them. Then see if you can work something out by co parenting. The kids will tell you. But don’t leave your kids with a man like that.
I stayed in a verbal and emotional abusive relationship until the kids were old enough for him not to pay child support. The kids now have a strained relationship with their dad, as they realize how bad it was.
I lived this. My kids actually asked me why I went back all the time when they were 8 and 9. Made me realize that for the kids wasn’t what I thought it was. We were happier when I left and stayed gone.
How old are these children? I stayed with my husband until his death mental and physical abuse both because of my children and they were grown last last time. It was pretty stupid idea but it sounded good at the time
do you want your kids to be responsible for your misery? they will know it - saw this too many times when I was teaching. What would you tell your kids to do in this situation. Easy to talk about not having a choice when it isn’t you in the situation. If your kids are old enough, talk to them about it openly and honestly.
No you shouldn’t I took my kids with me to find a better life for us if it killed me. An I did it for us . An we are all fine . Without Him . Anger Disrespect Drugs Cheating Lies an Drinking wasting his paychecks on himself not his family . after 19 yrs. on my own I found love again . Good Luck
I feel bad for the kids. You both are using them. Neither deserve to have custody. Grow up !!
Your kids should be your first priority. Why did you leave your kids? No man is more important then they are. If you decide to leave this man, you need to take your children with you. If your that unhappy and miserable, get out. The most important thing for your children to see is love between their parents. Just don’t leave without them.
My parents drug out a terrible relationship for years just so they didn’t have to be on their own and I can tell you that that did more damage to me and just about anything else. I used to go to bed wishing every night that they would just break up and never talk to each other again by the end of it.
Put your kids first before the skies opinions and your own insecurities, it’s easy to stay with him right now maybe, but your kids are so much better off seeing their mom be strong and standing on around against manipulative prick even if that is their father, and not being raised by someone who’s miserable I promise they’re aware of so much more than you think they are.
Your kids don’t want to see their mom miserable. When you come and get them and talk to them, make sure to tell them the truth of what’s going on. That you love them, but just don’t feel right with daddy. As they get older, tell them the WHOLE truth. They deserve to know what’s going on. But you shouldn’t have left the man you loved behind. I know you did it for your kids, but… There would be times you could visit them and spend time with them. No, if you can split custody or even sole custody, try for it, but you deserve better than to be manipulated by a man you’re miserable with and have no future with. Get away from him as soon as you can or you’ll have nothing but seething hatred for him forever!
First off, why aren’t the kids living with you? Before going off and breaking things off with this guy why don’t you try moving them in with you?, Maybe that’s all they need.
No offense to the great daddy’s out there, but being with dad isn’t the same as being with mom (in most occasions), especially if they’re young kids. They probably just miss you and living with you would make all the difference in the world. I don’t see why you feel you need to move in with dad, when you can just bring them over with you.
I stayed for that reason and as teens my kids wanted to know why I did that. It was eye opening what they knew after I tried to keep everything normal in their lives.
You didn’t say how old the kids are , or boys or girls. Also you never said he was abusive, a drink or cheated. Get your kids and try to make a life living with themand ex sharing custody. To me their age and sex are very important.
Stay with the first one and your children. Build on your marriage, God will help you! I came from divorce and we 5 children were never happy or really loved afterwards. God bless you, and mostly, your children! 
To bad you turned back to your x it will be to painful to move again and the man that treated you good he won’t trust you again so stay until you really talk to the kids
Ohh wow! Not a good thing, back n forth back n forth, it’s not healthy for the children involved and it certainly isn’t healthy for you.
You are absolutely correct in getting out, your children need to go with you though, with him having visitation. A controlling man is an abusive man.
Nope, youll end up messing up your kids in the long run, staying with a man because kids are involved ia the biggest BS excuse ever, Id take the kids and leave, unless you dont want your kids full time
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My mom left my dad when I was 18, saying us kids (20, 18 and 7) didn’t need her anymore. Learning that she was never happy and stayed for us was hard to swallow, but I also can’t imagine not growing up with both of my parents 
The only advice I can give is MAKE UP YOUR MIND! Quit the roller coaster ride you keep putting your kids on. Those poor kids can’t be sure of anything if you keep going back and forth. Unfortunately there are many broken homes but the kids adjust as long as there is some stability in their lives. Stay or leave only you can decide what is best but for the love of God stop doing this to your children!
There’s more to the story then she’s telling. Sounds like she wants to have her relationship with the guy that she’s hot for and fell in love with but her children are not worth taking with her when she left
I think you answered your own question with your last statement. You never said how old your kids are now. Most kids will adapt at a young age as long as they are happy too. And I’m sorry it sounds like your ex is a control freak which if you look hard at your life you will see he controls the children too.
If you decided to stay “for the kids,” imagine how much gult they will feel when they are old enough to understand.
Move on and be happy. Your kids will see your happiness. Don’t do it for the kids.
Heavenly Days!! I can’t know what all of this drama is doing to you and your children. Go to a Priest and talk all of this over with him.
You are divorced right? Not remarried? This guy has you by the heart strings. What do you want for yourself?? The 2nd man deserves better and may be to hurt to take you back without lots of fear you’d leave again. Pick a place, pick what you want vs what others want. Then grow where you go and stop looking back over your shoulder
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I would never choose any man over my kids, I would leave this ex , but my kids would be with me & dad could visit them
Geeez that’s easy if ya not Happy with your partner, move out but by all means take your children or they will regret you later, I from experience!!!
My mom used to say there is no childs shoulders strong enough to carry a marriage.
Yes you deserve to be happy. But how can you be happy without your kids. And how do you think it makes you kids feel to see you happy without them? Kids don’t ask to be born. We can to change our lives for them. Which is not always happy. But you should not stay in a bad relationship for them either. You need to share custody of the kids and live in different houses
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Never. Your kids will grow up to lead their own lives but treat them respectfully now and then
Take the kids with you- if your new man is that great he’ll accept them. File for joint custody with the ex. Life is short, be happy. Don’t badmouth the ex to them and they are resilient. Why did you leave the kids with him in the first place?
The kids were always fine- he was just manipulating you because he realised you had moved on and were happier without him. GET OUT. The best thing you can be for your kids, is HAPPY.
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These kids are constantly on the edge! You brought them into this world, they had no say. My opinion only, if you cannot take them with you, stay until they are on their own!
Your no longer married to him, he only needs you to help him, he’s using the kids to keep you under his control, so do what you need to do for your self, this is a form of abuse he’s doing.
1st of all I did this at one time
The new guy wasn’t as great as yours but I wanted my kids to have their father in their life
We were not together a WK til I thought Lord what have I done?
I ended up telling my ex I can’t do this
He threatened to burn the house down with all of us in it
He was never a good father. Never come to get them on wknd after divorce
Long story
But this what I learned
One day your kids will be grown they will have their own lives
When they get old enough to understand they will ask u why did u go back especially if you all fight in front of kids
Kids can sense when things are not right
Didn’t it say in your divorce that he cannot move to another state with the children?
That he has to make sure you always have his address
I had custody of my children and these were some of what I had to do
Go for the one who loves you but also remember you left him so he has lost some trust in you.
But make sure you are available for your children and spend time with them
Don’t let them grow up to say well mom you never kept us or called us
Most parents call their kids at night to say goodnight
How was their day
Anyway they can reach out to them
Don’t stay with someome u don’t care for when u can have love
But never forget your children.
Move out and take the kids too. I would never leave my children.
My personal opinion, but no experience with any of this in my life, your kids would have been fine, your ex was manipulating you to get what he wanted by using the kids. Did you talk to the kids?? Did you ask them Honestly ? It’s great your full time with the kids, but if you are not happy in the relationship, your kids will know. My observation.
Kids can recover, especially when they are old enough to learn the truth. Sounds like your ex is being manipulative and if he’s manipulative with you then its possible he could do the same to the kids. If you are safe staying for the time being then I would try to work things out, try to get him to go to counciling. If its not safe then definitely leave. If trying to work it out doesn’t work, then leave but be sure you’ve tried everything. If it turns out you have to leave, get a family lawyer so your ex can’t do anything stupid with the kids. Also. If you have to leave, sit down with the kids and tell them whats going on; tell them you tried to work it out and that you don’t want to be apart from them. This way your ex cannot manipulate the kids and make everything your fault or try to tell them you don’t want to be around. Its possible with the help of a family lawyer that you could get full custody and he would be the one that has visitation rights
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No marriage is perfect it takes work between both sit down read your bible on marriage an raiseing children have been through it it really helps your children deserve both parents work on your problems then happiness will follow !!!
Get out an find happiness. I stayed with my ex for so many years and it turns out my kids wanted me to leave their mother years earlier.
I don’t think you are telling the whole truth here honestly. You also do not sound mature. Your children are the ones who will pay dearly for the turmoil you and their father have created. If a marriage is broken, you fix it . One or both of you need to grow up.
You both sound selfish to me. Marriage is work, seek counseling and the whole family needs to be worshipping together.
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I heard the word left asin gone. I did not hear divorce which should have been in the paragraph . So you left 1stguy,you were married then left him and the kids with him. No divorce? Then you caught up with 2 Nd guy no marriage? Or married , get one and make up your mind! You are destroying your lives. Nd guy! Kids stayed with 1 st guy. What are you doing? Back and forth and you’ll do it three more times and then some. This is crazy! Either get a divorce and letter for whokids stay with or half time! Whatever you need an attorney
Why don’t you have your kids? I think that would have made a difference in the other relationship.
The most important thing to remember is the indelible example you set for your children. They are not fooled. They know you are not happy. What you need to show them is in achieving your dreams you have more of yourself to share with the people you love. You are not being selfish, you are investing everything in giving them the lives you KNOW they deserve, by living your best life. If that is the only lesson they learn from you you will have given them a legacy beyond any price.
It isn’t about you. Turn to God. He can make this right for all involved.
I would like to hear the father’s side of this situation, the ages of the children and does the father have income, the mother or both. She said she was unhappy, but we don’t really know why.
If mama isn’t happy no one will be.let it go.
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When you don’t know what to do…Stand Still & do nothing…you’ll figure out the answer. 
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Why are your kids with their father and not you? Sorry I wouldn’t ever be able to do that!
What I’m hearing is that you watched your mother live an unhappy life, staying with her spouse for the kids… and now you are doing the same. Guaranteed, your children are watching you live miserably, just like you watched your mother, and your children are going to walk this same road, just as you did. Is that what you want? If your daughter came to you and asked your advice for this exact situation, what would you want to tell her??
Everyone is answering based on their experience. So on what basis will you make your decision? You need to take this to the Lord.
I would move out. Fight to get your kids with you. He can have them on the weekends. Don’t stay and not be happy. I did that for a few years, it’s not worth it.
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No get out for the kids if it’s damaging and demeaning. Show them you can be strong and won’t settle for less.
If you are happy, your children will see it. Don’t underestimate them. They know. Be your best do you can be your best for them. It will be a good lesson for all. Also, find a good therapist for you and your kids
If you move out, take your kids with you. Why did you leave them in the first place? You are being played by their father. Not a good situation all around. It’s never a good idea to remain in a situation for the “sake of the kids”. They know what’s going on.
As Dr. Phil says kids would rather be from a broken home then live in one.
I would rather come from a broken home than live in a broken home!
Don’t take the lying cheating scoundrel back. More mistakes don’t make more to undo the first one. Taking him back doesn’t solve the problem. My mom and dad were divorced when I was 3. I’m now 69.
Why didn’t you take your kids when you left for a better life?.I wound never have left my kids .When we have children they are our first responsibility.
Move on. The kids are what ages? They can see that your not happy
Life is too short fallow your heart , kids grow up and have their own lives and you are stuck and miserable , then you have wasted years of your life.
I am confused by reading because she says she left her first husband and when the kids would come to her house they didn’t seem depressed!?! Did she take her kids or not?
Being at war with your head and your heart is a big concern. I have told many young people that if your head and your heart are not on the same wavelength then you just don’t do anything until they do come together. You have a lot of things going on and you have to account for all of them because you created all of this. I would never leave my children for a man. Like someone else wrote if he is half the man that you say he is he would take your children in and take care of you and them and create the family that you want with him. The children’s father is a control freak he isn’t going to change and if you don’t make some important decisions and change things it’s always going to be that way for you. Life is short and that is the reason why you need it to make the best life you can for you and your children. Be sure not to have any more children with him if you’re going to be staying with him you don’t need anymore but that’s your choice. Probably the best advice is that you take your children get your own place get your own head and heart together and do what needs to be done for your children. Your children will always love you no matter what but you can also give them someone to look up to and give good example to I hope it works out for you it’s a hard road but you can do it
You only get one life! Your kids will adapt… if your that close to them. Sit them down and explain to them depending on there age.
Alright… so let’s look at this logically. First off… you say ex-husband. Not just seperated. There is a massive difference in the courts eyes. Are you divorced? Because that matters. Plus… you left. You moved out of the home you and your children were living in, and in with a different man while married… leaving them behind. (I’m assuming.) Then had your kids come stay with you there as well. Probably well before a years time. That was your first mistake. Technically thats adultery. I’m not saying I’m against you leaving the man. But you went about it in a manner that in the eyes of the court, you’re the irresponsible one. Regardless of how much of an a$$ your ex is. You rolled out first. Soo you gave him a one up on ya there. Then you went back. That was your second big f**k up. NEVER go back to an unhappy situation for the “well being” of a child. Because long term, that will end up being a problem in that child’s life regardless. What you need to do, is retake ownership of your old home. Have Dad move out. Then go for 50/50 custody. Don’t bother with full custody. You won’t get it unless you have documented proof your children are being abused or are suffering under their father’s attention. Most modern courts nowadays push for 50/50 custody if Dad genuinely wants to play a part in their child’s life. But retaking possession of your home means they have a permanent place to live. Worst case scenario… if you can’t do that… you need to find a home that will comfortably fit all of you that’s in the same school district, and do everything possible to make sure your child’s lives stay as similar as possible to their old routines. No overnight sleep overs with men until a court order is in place. And in that court order, you need to make sure that you have your lawyer put in something stating the child will not be moved out of the school district without the other parents permission. And that the home must be within a certain number of miles to the coparent’s. Unless they give permission. The request will not be turned down by most conciliators, and will prevent your ex from moving your children out of your reach.
Why can’t you take the kids with you? Or better yet, kick him out, and you and the kids live there.
My children will always come first
And some of the things that are not meant to be shared or husbands and wives
You are setting the example and teaching them it is ok to tolerate being miserable. If mom isn’t happy, mom isn’t going to be able to healthily provide for their needs. If mom isn’t happy, the kids won’t be happy and will blame themselves for your misery and that will be far worse. There is a thing as coparenting if your narcissistic ex husband can mature to that point. Be there for them and get a parenting plan established. They need a healthy environment so they can thrive.
I’m confused why you go somewhere else and he has the kids? And u get them but he mostly has them? If I go. My kids go so that part is confusing
My daughter had the best of 2 dad’s growing up…
you didn’t mention the present age of you kids. might make a difference
If you’re not happy, your kids won’t be either eventually. I don’t think living a lie is healthy. I don’t know, I’m torn also, because I have always put my kids first. And one thing is for sure, they are happier with you being with them. To bad you can’t take your kids with you and let their Dad have visitations. I don’t know. I just don’t know how someone stays in a relationship with someone they don’t want to be with. I just don’t know in your situation. Sorry no help here.
Why are your kids by your X spend Time with the kids.
Parents should be happy so kids can be happy.
If your not happy your kids see that ,kids adjust to things ,i say go where your happy dont be a marter for your kids theyll grow up where ever they are ,im sure they want you happy too
If I had it to do all over again I would have stayed and made it work.
Talk to your kids-Explain to them & let them choose who they want to live with! Dont know how old they are but if 6 or older this is what I would do!!
Why don’t you have custody? Moms don’t leave their babies
Before you moved back in, did you discuss the situation with your children?
Why were they living with him in the first place? Are you legally divorced, with custody arrangements in place?
Why did you trust that he was being truthful about your kids being happier if you moved back in, if you could see they were happy?
Before you choose to move out again, TALK to your children. Explain you love them, but are not happy with their father.
Discuss things with them. They’re probably more aware than you think.
Make a decision and stick to it. Don’t let the front door be a revolving door.
If at all possible, contact the man who made you feel so special, to see if there is any chance he is open to getting back together. If not, that’s a price you’ll have to pay for being wishy washy.
Then move forward.
If I had to live my life without a man in order to have my kids then you can bet your bottom dollar I wouldn’t have a man!!!
Make up your own mind. People can’t do that for you. This way when YOU screw up go talk to the mirror!!! Stop blaming the ex or kids these have all been your decisions
Every case is different! It depends on kids, the parents and how it goes! No one can make the decision for anyone else!!!
It’s better to be FROM a broken home than to LIVE in one.
You need to just walk away. Please don’t do what I did and go back. Before you know it 15 years will hit you hard
Go now and don’t look bzck
No never your kids will be happy when your happy