The only thing that I don’t understand is why was your ex given soul custody of the children. Usually, the sole custody is given to the mother. Unless the Judge has information that the mother is unfit to care for the kids properly. And, in my opinion, if your ex was such a evil man, the judge would have learned about it in the custody hearing. I agree that in most cases soul custody is given to the mother, but obviously, the judge in this case found evidence that your ex was not near the evil man that you have described him to be. And the judge must have believed that it was he that was the best parent that would raise and take care of the children more properly than the mother would or could have done.
I know that there are two stories to the every custody issue. The judge would have taken both stories seriously. So, I believe that the judge thought that it was you that was unfit to raise and care for the children properly.
There is more to the story than you have mentioned.
You are teaching your kids to put themselves last by you doing it to yourself. How old are they? In Illinois it was age 12 they can decide who to live with.
Your kids will grow up quickly. Quicker than you think. They will move. Be happy for yourself. You’ll make a better mom 
I think u answered your own question. U only get 1 life and ur kids will be happy that u are happy
omg if you have not grown up by now you never will.
It’s not about you right now, it’s about your kids. Unless he’s abusive
Poor kids sounds like they yo-yos
If you posted this looking for good advice, clearly this was the wrong place. These guys are 
holes
No no no no no no. You are not doing anything good for your kids doing that.
The grass isn’t greener on the other side. Just saying. Same shit after a while.
what a shitty one sided story
Go talk to a professional!
This person is a narcissist RUN.
Wait a minute 
you left your kids for a man??? let me tell you something any man that lets you leave your children is a little selfish ass hole…and I would hook em back to your husband asap !!!
True love is always a good reason
Do what is happy for you !
Kids are more resilient then we give them credit for. The mistake was taking him back in the first place. He was obviously using your children to manipulate you. Your kids are and always should be your priority but staying in a marriage you are miserable in is not doing them any favors. Have a conversation with your children be open and be honest and let them know your relationship with their father is no reflection on them. That you both love them but don’t work together. Stay near your kids and make your priority be keeping a relationship with them and getting your shit together. Another man shouldn’t be in your near future. Your time with your kids is much more important. They are only young for so long. Your love life can wait. They can’t.
Cant fool kids…
You cant help someone out of their mess and shit unless they want out for good no going back
NO NEVER EVER NEVER NO. As a product of that I am highly against it!! DONT FUCK UP YOUR CHILDREN LIKE THAT!!
Jeff Kilkenny I’m sorry are you suggesting that she stay Bc of her kids?
This man sounds manipulative and abusive and he didn’t want you to be happy honey. Your children’s happiness was never his concern. If it had been, he’d have never left in the first place. With all due respect, fuck that mf. Take your kids, leave, assign a mediator, and try to go get that good man back. Get an attorney and handle your business. That man will make you miserable mark my words. You didn’t even need our advice, you know this already.
This one is for dear Abby !!!
Follow your Heart 
No way. I need peace.
Follow your heart and get on with your life
Pray and ask God for His Will in your situation.
Pray , pray , pray. GOD will give you the right answer not my opinion.
Why the fuck arent you taking your kids with you when you move out and file for custody…he cant move in the middle of a custody battle
If you’re with someone you love and who loves you and the kids are fine with, its time to fight for FULL custody of the kids tell your EX to go FCK himself and move he’ll be able to drive out pick up the kids for his weekends and bring them back if that is what he wants to do. Otherwise you’ll be the HAPPY FAMILY you built without him.
Arghhhhh, No No No say no more.
You chose this man over your children x thats about it
It’s too bad you didn’t get advice before you moved back. You should not EVER keep moving in and out of the home. Now, sit down with your kids and explain the situation. Keep it simple, i.e., Mom wasn’t happy here so I moved out. I still love you very much, but I missed you so I moved back, but my heart is still not happy here so I’m deciding to leave again but I will see you often. Hope you figure it out.
I would take my kids an go. You deserve happiness too. Dont let the ex guilt you into anything. You have to decide what is best for you all. An I sure would never leave my kids behind.
What would you tell your children?
I doubt you’d tell them to stay.
Leave & take them with you.
He can’t manipulate you if they luve with you. And file for custody before you leave.
I read the first sentence. And already had an answer. Then I kept reading and thought. Oh man. The ex is an ex for a reason. NEVER STAY FOR THE KIDS.
Choose happy. Your ex sounds toxic which is worse for the kids anyways
I’m still
Stuck on how you just picked up and left the kids with him in the first place ! And why they are not with you !
Work on your relationship. Get family therapy and try their recommendations. Nothing is “wasted”
NEVER stay because of the kids. They will see the unhealthy relationship and learn from it. They need to see their parenr be strong and independent and not stuck being unhappy.
You dont want to be in a relationship or around your ex but your perfectly fine with leaving your children and going off and being happy with another guy. You need to worry about your children. You dont need to be in a relationship with your ex or anyone for that matter. Put yourself first and your kids and worry about dating later.
Sweet heart you need to go. You already made that decision, your just putting yourself through until it’s time. Stop wasting time and go live your life. Kids are resilient. More resilient than we give them credit for. And by doing this your teaching them that that’s what a relationship is. Sounds like your mom taught you that it’s ok to put yourself last and that’s what your teaching your kids. They will think it’s ok to be treated like that, or act manipulative like the dad is being. Follow your heart and know your heart will not lead you wrong. Stand strong in your decision and teach your kids strength. The kids will be fine. They will have a happy home 50% of the time. Plus could you imagine the guilt knowing your mom made herself miserable for you. Ugh. So yes. Stay strong don’t doubt what you already know and be strong. Follow through.
U keep talking about leaving which is fine. But how about “staying” in your children’s life ? Seriously ur so invested in another relationship but yet leaving your kids to your ex manipulative environment? U make no sense
Omg! Why stay and be miserable? You should have gone to the courts and counseling when he played the card to get you to move back. Not even trying to shame you, just speaking as I’m thinking. By staying and dimming your light, joy and blessings with a fulfilled life, you teach your kids to submit to doing the same. He seems like he will play games and be manipulative regardless. Do what will make you happy. Also, don’t involve anyone else until you know your totally single. (Another relationship) best wishes!
Please put yourself first! Your kids will learn by y’all examples. They will grow up to have the kind of relationship they live in. Please show them them happiness. If you can try and get back in your old relationship.
I’d say be with that person: it’s better to be alone then in bad company… bad company being your ex, he’s had his chance and he left YOU.
If you knew your kids were happy then why would you leave the man you loved. Don’t assume he will wait for you and take you back. I wouldn’t. Being made to feel like a second choice is a horrible thing to do to him.
Why did you leave you children for for a man? Men will come and go but your children are forever!!! Weird beour walking out on your own children!
My opinion? Your ex husband was miserable because you were finally happy. Guys hate that. He used the kids to make you feel like you are better off with him and the kids. 2 happy households are better than 1 unhappy household. Do what makes you happy. Your kids will follow.
No help or advise here sorry but I hope you work it out where you want to be and do what you need to do sending hugs to you and the groups iv shared mite
Help you xxx
No not for your kids for u… But if it benefits ur babies to move on than do that… u want ur kids to know happy loving relationships not toxic, unhappy ones…
Why don’t you have the kids full time?
No! That’s the mistake a lot of women make. Would you want them to?
As a child of a split up family, my parents hated each other and it was obvious. Did that cause trauma for me as a kid? Yes. But kids a resilient and you being happy will be better for them in the long run than you suffering for their sake. Keep in mind that you as an adult are showing them what they should be doing as adults, and if they see mom miserable with dad they’re just going to think that’s acceptable.
No its no excuse leaving is best so kid’s don’t see the bs
Sounds like you should leave him but I don’t get the leaving your kids part 
. Sorry not sorry but I’d never up and leave my kids there coming or he’s leaving but I’m not leaving them!
Sounds to me like you all need a bit of therapy. Did not mean to sound harsh but I see a whole lot of very confused kids who need some adult leadership and structure. Weather you stay or leave the kids will still love you, but the big picture here is the damage that’s being done to these future adults 🥲🥲
I’d be with the one I love. Life is too short.
You only get one chance at this life, do not waste it on someone who doesn’t treasure everything about you. You are special and you need to believe in yourself just start again and be happy, it will take time but you can do it.
You answered your own question.
This is a situation so many relationships find them self in. The kids happiness is important but also to is your own. Your kids will see you unhappy or putting on a happy face but deep down inside your in pieces. This is your life too and your happiness is so important life goes by pretty quick. There’s a scene in the notebook movie the mum takes her daughter to show her the man she truly loved but she never ended up with she went with her head not her heart and was never truly happy. She told the importance of being with the one that truly makes your heart sing and you can be yourself. Just go with your heart your kids will adjust and the older they get the easier it will get.
staying in a bad relationship only teaches them how to have a bad relationship. My parents split up when I was 12 and I hated being from a “broken home”…I got over it and am glad they both found happiness. This guy sounds like he is only interested in his own happiness - not yours or the kids
The problem is you, my friend. You must LOVE yourself and make decisions based on what you think. Listening to others has gotten you in this situation. He said… he said… he said… of course he said… because you were HAPPY. He now has you in the same situation he was in UNHAPPY. Make the next move YOUR move.
Sit your children down and talk to them. Explain the situation the best way you can and get their input it is their lives also. If you had not went back you could of just done this to begin with. Now both the new boyfriend and the kids might have abandonment issues even more.
You already know the answer and you don’t need us to legitimise your choice. If you genuinely feel there is no way to mend your marriage, you owe it to yourself and your husband to end it.
How old are the kids? Maybe sit them down privately and tell them the situation and ask their opinion. I guarantee they see you’re unhappiness and would rather you be happy.
In my personal opinion and experience, children will be better off with a happy parent than a miserable one.
Get some self respect, stand up to the guy and take the kids and get out. You will be miserable if you don’t.
Youre doing more damage with the back and forth than anything else.
Take your kids and build a life for you and your kids your kids need a happy home so be it if it’s a single parent home, but if you like games and to be manipulated by your ex and teach your kids it’s ok to have fucked up relationships stay as you are.
Why would you want to spend the rest of your life with someone you don’t love anymot
Never stay for the kids. In the end it hurts them
I don’t think you should ask anyone’s advice only your own because your head is ruling you and no matter what advice people give you you will always listen to yourself otherwise you would not of left a good man…
get out now. you are really being manipulated. sounds like you could mature a bit before making further decisions.
Her Biggest Mistake was Going back to the Same Place she was Unhappy. We’re ever she Goes her kids should go with her. Dump her Husband it will never be the same.
No. This will perpetuate a vicious cycle.
She was stupid to go back! Once she left, she should’ve never went back. She knows she’s not happy with him, so she leaves a man she loves and who treats her good. Of course she loves her kids, but you don’t ignore yourself for ANYONE!
If you’re not happy the kids will know and then they won’t be happy either! You need to be the best you for them! My guess is he’s talking to them about being depressed which is making them sad for him. That needs to stop!
Your ex is an abusi e asshole. Kids realise that their parents have issues and are not happy. By moving back you are showing your kids a distorted way of love and family and you’re causing them massive issues
Just… wow… Just read what is there 
Why woukd you have to ask… You are self centered claiming its for your kids It’s about you, Always has been and doing damage to your children playing games
I’ve a headache after reading this
Go to a therapist. You’re gambling with your kids mental health and relationships future. A professional will give you tools.
Kids need the security of stable and happy parents. Living under the same roof sometimes makes that an impossible task. I’m a firm believer that its better to have 2 parents happy and apart than 2 staying together and being miserable
Follow your heart. Your kids will be happier if you are in a good relationship.
For me only, I would never be with a man who left me, first of all, and second if I felt I was manipulated to go back to him, he is happy but you are forever "manipulated " for the rest of the time you spend together. Life is short, make yourself happy. Kids will adapt.
Being from a sour relationship between my parents, I am thankful every day that they did not stay together. My kids tell me the same thing. We are better parents separate than we are together. As my son is saying in my ear reading this (he’s 17), don’t cause a rift between the kids and the other parent if there is no reason for it. Cause the kids are going to look at you as the bad guy for trying to make them choose and denying them the other parent. Like I said, my ex and I are better friends than we are as husband and wife and we do our children better justice working together but not in a relationship.
don’t leave your kids, take them with you, you are a mom first then you can love a man and only if he can love your children, your first husband is using your children against you, don’t let him. he might be jealous that you found a man that can love you,
Kids are smart and see things we think we are hiding, make a life for you and your kids and everything else will fall into place. Don’t let emotional blackmail keep you locked into an unhealthy (for you) relationship
Would you want your children to settle for less than their own happiness? I am sure the answer is no, lead by example, you are worthy of your own happiness!
You need to be happy too. Take the kids with you!!’ My mom said she stay with my dad for us kids. Well it would have been better had they divorced. I got married at 16 years old. Our frist son came when I was 19 years old. That the year my Brother graduated. That night my mom left my dad and divorced him. Years of Hurt for all of us. Dad Remarried and was happy again. Mom married and divorced again. On her third marriage she was married for almost 20 years and happy. You and your husbands are not doing your kids any good at this time. Time to get out. If you think your kids does not know you are not happy think again, they do !!! I will celebrate my 46th wedding anniversary come June. I Learned a lot from my mom and dad‘s mistakes. It take love , careling and giving on both sides. What you are doing is showing your kids none of that. Take your kids and go. You and your kids would be happier!!’
What tf is with all you people and the “how could you leave your kids behind!?” They CLEARLY share custody of the kids somehow. I don’t understand how that is so awful for some of you. It isn’t like she NEVER has her kids and just abandoned them. Split custody is a thing and children do wonderful with it usually. She’s not leaving her children behind. Jesus y’all need to chill.
Agreed! It took me an entire year to make the decision to get out of the relationship but kids are resilient
These situations are complicated. My two cents is, go to therapy or a support group. Sort out what it is you need, what it is you believe, and what decision will bring you the most peace 
Pray to God for guidance, serious talk with your children and see how their feelings would be if you do decide to leave and be honest with them. This way they know your true feelings and that you love them. This will teach them to be true to themselves and not feel guilty . Children see,hear, and know more then we give them credit for. Children should never be used as pawns . I am a Minister and I’ll be keeping you in my prayers 
Your ex is manipulating you. You deserve to be happy. Talk to the kids, let them know how you feel, listen to what they say…I bet they want you to be with the one that makes you happy.
First off, how old are the “kids”! Second, as long as you are not far and can see them whenever, you don’t need to go back to a sad life because you are not doing your kids any favors. Kids are pretty resilient and can manage as long as they are not being mentally or physically abused. As long as they know both parents love them, they will be fine.
I feel you already made your choice when you moved back to your ex and the children. To swing the door open again and leave would cause damage that cannot be repaired
What I have heard in the past its not good to stay in a relationship with a man you are no longer in love trust me your kids can see that you are not happy and they just want to be happy just like you get out
Have you talked to your kids? How old are they? If you are unhappy you set a bad example for your kids. When I finally left my husband after 25 years someone asked my son, then about 22, “How do you feel about your parents separating?” He said ," About time! " he still.has a relationship with both of us but now he can enjoy both of us because we are both happier people. If they don’t care if you are happy as long as you maintain the happy family charade , you know you have failed at making them compassionate. Then make your decision.