It sounds like you have some leftover trauma from your previous relationship(s) that you never worked through. It will continue to hurt you until you deal with it. As for your man, try talking to him again. He obviously doesn’t get that it’s a big deal to you or just does understand why.
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If it was a bachelor party or something fine but if it’s something a guy does regularly nah. And if he actually said to me they can do things I cant…nope. it’s not about insecurity it’s about partners treating each other with respect and lifting each other up.
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This has nothing to do with your self-esteem (which needs some serious work btw). You are in a relationship. You have said something makes you uncomfortable. If he is in a relationship, then he will bend over backwards to make sure you are not unhappy in any way. If his cheap thrills are being placed above your happiness, that is the problem.
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It’s pure disrespect!! That is not love. You should always feel like the only most beautiful woman in the room. Only a pig narcissist will do this to you or say that to you. No matter what he says , Dump his ass. It won’t get better. You will never be happy. It’s TRUE
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I’m sorry. I’m toooo old not to be blunt. The signs are there and he’s giving them to you. Why would any guy put you through that?
I’m glad I’ve been married forever and can barely remember BS like that…
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Why is it so important for him to go? Is going more important than how low it makes you feel? If it’s because he goes with the guys and hangs out, can’t he choose to join in something else they do to hang out with them? If he says you are overreacting then that is gaslighting you. He doesn’t like you saying it so he tries to make you feel stupid for your feelings. No wonder your self esteem is where it’s at…wouldn’t it be nice to be with somebody who supported you not tore you down because of who you are? Doesn’t mean they have to do everything you say but this is a big one for you right? It’s give & take! Lol lots of questions and my very long answer here-we’ve all been there to a point in different situations. HUGS
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It has nothing to do with being in a relationship. If it bothers you and he doesn’t care about your feelings then its time for you to think long and hard about if that’s the type of man you want. The strip club is irrelevant, knowingly hurting your partners feelings is cause for concern.
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You can’t make someone understand how you feel and most people won’t cange their behavior that they are fine with, because someone else doesn’t feel comfortable with it. What you can do is work on what you do have control over which is yourself. You aren’t obligated to stay with him, so if you aren’t comfortable and he isn’t meeting your needs, then leave. You also need to work on your insecurities because you will always compare yourself to others and keep getting hurt in relationships if you haven’t dealt with that. When you are insecure, you become soo desperate for love that you ignore all the red flags and almost always end up being with someone who will treat you like that. Once you have self love, you attract others who also love you just the way u are.
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This has so little to do with him or your relationship. You’re stuck in a crippling self view and that’s something that won’t be healed no matter what he does or doesn’t do. I used to have all the same worries but then I realized it wasnt a worry it was a self punishment
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Honey, you need to get yourself some pole dancing lessons and prove to this jerk that you can do what those girls can, you’re only limited by your thinking, there are plenty of plus sizes dancers, strippers and poledancers and they are respected and loved…im sure there is plenty other men could do for you that he doesn’t, maybe you should start thinking about having those things fulfilled too
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That would be a deal breaker for me. Only you can decide if you can go on and accept this. Or move on.
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Never been to a strip club. Always made my wife the most important person. I don’t feel deprived either.
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All I am saying is don’t spend your life chasing after someone. It’s tiresome and no fun. However you do it, get off that roller-coaster.
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He isn’t worthy of you.does not care about how you feel it’s all about him he has the problem not you tell him to stay at the strip clubs .find you a ma. That care about you
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Hell no for the life of me im disgusted at those saying they ok with it clearly they need more self respect and morals 
what has this world come to??? Of course u shouldn’t be okay with it… Why on earth does he need to go to a strip club and have half naked women dancing for him.??? Which man won’t feel anything sexual by looking at that??? The fact alone watching half naked women dancing that’s cheating itself!!! Cheating doesn’t boil down to doing the deed theirs many forms of cheating… U clearly not enough for him u deserve better!!!
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If someone seriously wrote this - drop the guy. He’s not worthy of your heart. Better to be alone than with someone who makes you feel inferior.
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NO NO and ABSOLUTELY NO!!! Its obvious you’re NOT enough for him! DONT waste your time with him! He either loves you for YOU or move on. Very DISRESPECTFUL!!
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Im not comfortable with my body as well, low self esteem and all but my husband never treated and made me feel that I am not pretty. Boyfriends/husband are our first cheerleaders. If they are the one who is making you feel less you should reconsider.
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If you feel uncomfortable with him going he should respect you and stop. Period. No if and or buts. Either he respect you or he doesn’t. What exactly does they can do things you can’t…? That right there should be a hatchet! Kill the relationship!
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First of all, perk up buttercup!! YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL AND HOT AS HELL!!! Second, dress in the outfit that makes you feel the most sexy and GO with him. Make the most noise, grind with those strippers, flash those dollar bills, get other guys attention. Once he sees that you are confident, attention grabbing, and sexy… He will never want to go again. Then dump him because you can and do deserve better babes 
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How often does he go, if it’s regularly, I would dump him, what does he mean by they can do things you can’t do, doesn’t sound good, I dont like strip clubs because of what it does to women-those who are working there and those who are at home. Most men who go have issues. You deserve better, he is not responsible for your self esteem that’s your issue to work on, you need to learn to love yourself, ask yourself why do you “love” him. Sometimes being alone is better than being with someone who doesn’t give you what you need.
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Just lay down-the-line and tell him it’s not acceptable It’s not a matter Of being hurt It’s a matter of it being wrong and don’t think that you’ll see a little bit of clothes off they see it all off
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So, you either go with him or he doesn’t go. Does anyone here on this page know that most “strip clubs” offer VIP rooms for more then just looking? Come on now
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This time should be the best your relationship could be. Nope. Obviously he’s not for you.
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It is wrong for him to go there since it hurts your emotions. If he really loves you, he would take your emotions into consideration.
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Go to Some Male Stripper Clubs. It’s a Turn on but I wouldn’t go home with any of them. Being in Love is the Best Love Making.
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I worked in strip clubs for 15 years. Men go for different reasons. Most of the time its to meet other friends there. But I can tell you, the chance of him sleeping with one of them is zero. Doesnt work that way. Go with him one time. Couples do that. You might have fun. Dont look at it like theyre younger or skinnier or whatever. Go for the spectacle,the music and drinks. Show him you can handle that and surprise him.
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Find a guy who agrees with you. Dump this one.
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All these women commenting and saying they’re ok with it must be the strippers!! It’s not ok and it’s disrespectful!!! You’re not gonna tell me that if it was a male strip club your significant other would be OK with strippers pushing their junk in your face and bending over and grinding on you and whatever else goes on. Because they would not be OK with it.
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Look and don’t touch, but it has to be mutually agreed upon if it’s not then no
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First off, it is obvious you havent gone with him! Because there May be one out of ten that are cute! The rest are average to Fugly!!! Go get yourself some Playgirl magazines and leave them out where he can see them, when he says something about them, make a comment about a specific guy in it! It wont take him long to make an offer to give up the club if you quit getting the magazines!
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Don’t let it bother you. Maybe get some help with your low self esteem. This does t mean that he doesn’t care about you. It’s a trust issue and honestly nothing happens there.
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I would cut my losses and move on… he is not respectful of you.
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To me it’s like instead of being with you and getting turned on BY you, he’s getting turned on by others. That’s akin to cheating.
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It’s not about the strip club (whether any of us think it should be ok) and more about his lack of consideration for your feelings. There needs to be open communication and if he doesn’t care how you feel about it, you have a bigger problem.
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My husband and I have both gone to strip clubs/shows. We know we are coming home to each other. They are watching the strippers, not sleeping with them. It’s all good fun. Been together 31 years
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Sadly to say if you told him this makes you feel uncomfortable and he continues to go there then there is someone wrong with him. He’s not honoring you as his girlfriend or wife. Doing what he is doing leads to other things. He says it not cheating maybe not but it will lead to that if it continues.
Only you can make that choice to stay and accept it or move on.
Or find a male strip club lol see how he likes that!!!
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RUN RUN RUN. He likes that you have low self esteem. It gives him power to belittle you.
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Give him a lifetime to “go enjoy himself”.
Cut the cord. If it feels toxic to you, it’s not the connection you seek.
You have expressed yourself (this hurts my soul, please stop)…he expressed his side (your view/pain isn’t his issue…he isn’t going to stop)
I hope you go work on yourself to see you are enough and try to discover why you’re attracted to this hurtful type personality.
Don’t repeat a third time with the next guy. You KNOW the signs. BRIDGE OUT means BRIDGE is OUT…don’t drive on and say “ohhhhh but I LOOOOOVE him, the bridge will be there, it’s been there before”. No honey.
Giving Love to someone doesn’t guarantee love will be handed back to you.
If your food were spoiled, going bad, rotten…you wouldn’t keep it around. You would remove it.
Same theory. Yes, It hurts. But most tough lessons do. I truly wish you a healthy relationship ahead.
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Strip club/self confidence aside: if you say something makes you uncomfortable & he dismisses your feelings and/or continues to do it, that is unacceptable. At most he should se that it upsets you and stop doing said action. At least he should discuss it and try to see/understand your side of it . At worst, break up.
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YOU ALREADY KNOW THE ANSWER BUT YOU ARE SO DESPERATE TO KEEP HIM, YOU ARE IGNORING YOUR OWN COMMON SENSE.
You said ‘if he loves me, why would he do something that he knows hurts my feelings’ the answer is…’IF he loves you, he wouldn’t do things that he knows hurts your feelings’
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My opinion going to Strip Clubs is cheating, looking at porn on the internet is cheating,
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That is a trust issue. If you can’t trust him, it doesn’t matter where he is going. But if you do trust him, then it shouldn’t bother you.
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I have never understood why people in a relationship want to go to a place like that. I love my wife more than life itself and I would never do anything like that. Why go out and look at others when you have someone already to look at. That just my honest opinion
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I use to drag my ex out of the strip clubs spending our rent money on those girls! I would never put up with it again ! Maybe you should go to the male review see how he likes it!
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My feeling is that if he is telling you about the things they can do that you can’t, which he had to know would be hurtful, this is not just about a trashy thrill, he is using this to hurt your confidence so he can control you. I don’t understand why any woman would suggest you should just get over it. Trust your gut. If this doesn’t feel OK for you then it isn’t OK. (What’s next, paying sex workers who do sex you “can’t” do?) You can never be elevated in a relationship that makes you feel badly about yourself. You deserve to be in a relationship that elevates you. If he can’t respect and rise to that, you can choose not to lower yourself. It’s all in your power. Sending support and best wishes.
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No, shows a distinct lack of respect for the other person in the relationship. It drives a wedge in the relationship and is a form of infidelity.
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Pornography eventually impacts many men as they get overstimulted and normal relations can’t compare with make believe. I sure would not want my partner aroused by a stranger arrive to finish his fantasy with me,three in the bed! Yuk!
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If it’s fir a bucks night or special occasion I don’t see the harm, There great been years since I’ve been but I enjoyed going with my husband. You should trust him and work on your own self esteem.
Tell him while he’s at the strip club you’ll go to the male strip club because those guys can do things he can’t do. Guarantee he’ll change his mind.
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Why is he even in a relationship if he doesn’t want to be “worried about another person” ?
girl get u a man that will value your time effort and just your very existence. They’re out there trust!! Keep your head held high queen things will get better 
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YOU ARE ENOUGH >>>Just not to him. Show him the door and put him in the wind sister. You don’t have to put up with disrespect. Don’t ever let a man treat you like a doormat and for that matter know one should. 
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You can’t change who and what he is. He’s not going to stop going and he doesn’t care how you feel. Sometimes, love is not enough. You should find someone who values and respects you. If he truly loved you then he wouldn’t go to strip clubs. He has told you that he’s not going to stop for you, and continuing the discussion won’t change a thing.
#HerSay
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Oh honey, there’s things that not everyone can do. I’d love to learn how to move my body like some of the dancers there & honestly I’m intrigued by them. I understand it hurts you, not many men can get that thru their head, especially if they’re going to just watch. VIP sections, should definitely be a no go, lap dances should be a no go, but compromise. On the floor should be okay, no touching is aloud there. Have your night/day out when he goes. Hell, possibly go with him just to check it out. Some of those dancers aren’t much to look at anyways. Have fun with it, boost your confidence, you’d be surprised by how many women their have significant others. Work on yourself, low self esteem is an eye dropper & cause some people to turn away. Build it, do what you need to do to make yourself feel better about you.
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It’s a matter of respect to me… personally I have no problem with it(unless he was spending a ton of money every week going) but if it is one of your boundaries that is fine and if he loves you he should respect that…no one has died from not being able to go to a strip club.
No one but you gets to decide how you should feel about things and what your boundaries are.
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Obviously you have been clear about your feelings. Plain and simple, he’s disrespecting you by continuing to go. Don’t know long y’all have been together or how much you have vested in this relationship but, to me, this is a sign of things to come.
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He doesn’t love you–at least not as much as he loves himself. You deserve better. If this is what he wants, then he needs to find someone who’s okay with it. You are obviously not, and being in a relationship means that you DO need to “worry about another person,” because you’re not alone anymore. Every decision you make impacts someone else. You need to ask yourself if this is what you want to feel every single day for the rest of your life. If not, pack up, leave, DON’T LOOK BACK, and take the time you need to heal. Remember, there are 7 billion people on the planet. Even if the person you’re looking for is 1 in a million, that still means there are 7,000 people out there you could potentially spend the rest of your life with HAPPILY. He is–clearly–not one of them.
I would think when it comes to love you should be the apple of his eye.Love should make him concerned about your feelings,your happiness with him,and if he loves you he would want to come to that happy medium in your relationship.A relationship requires work to make it WORK.
That’s not love!! I battled with a husband that lied, cheated and was oblivious of how much he was hurting me. I finally got tired of the same battle over and over. After 18 years I finally divorced him. I am free of all the pain. I learned the hard way the true meaning of love. If he truly loved you he would not even want to do that. It is an addiction and he needs to overcome it before he is capable of truly loving someone.
Sounds like he doesn’t appreciate having you as a partner. Maybe he’s too nasty!! Since you have a low self esteem, not good. Find someone else!
Strip clubs well maybe I would give a pass to that on particular occasions. But the comment they can do things you can’t well that is definitely a problem.
There are a lot of arrogant comments here. Every relationship is different. Personally i will never go to a strip club, there isnt a reason for me to go throw money to someone for simply wearing less clothing and dancing. Its a service i do not benefit from (especially if its providing a diservice to somone i care about)
Some relationships allow for this, some dont. His responses are provided without care and he could easily enjoy himself doing other things without putting his relationship at risk. My honest advice would be to leave. This issue shouldnt take convincing from either party, its very clear he is dissregarding you.
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Me and my husband go to strip clubs together, he used to go by himself and that bothered me, ALOT, so after being dragged to a few with friends I started realizing that they really arent that bad…I also discovered later in life that Iam bisexual and get turned on by seeing him enjoy himself with other women so I started going with him…but I can tell you that 99% of the girls only see $$, they could care less about going home with him, but almost all of them are beyond nice to spouses/girlfriends and we have made friends with a few, however if he is doing it to deliberately hurt you saying they can do things, etc…that is a huge problem and he needs to be smacked!! I know my option isnt the norm here, but have you considered going with him? If he says he doesnt want you to then smack the sh** out of him, take some of your girlfriends and go to a male strip club then come home and tell him how hot all the men are and how they can do things he doesnt…fight fire with fire…
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I personally don’t have a problem with my husband going to strip clubs.
He hasn’t gone there to have sex nor has he gone there so he can come home and compare me to them.
First of all they are fully naked. Secondly, both of you should be free to do as you like. Looking does not mean touching. I have no problems with my partner going to male strippers. You just can’t take that step over the don’t touch boundary.
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I don’t even need to read it. I read the question and that was good enough for me to come on here a say definitely not! Big big no for me
You don’t state your age, your feelings are your feelings. Hard to understand these things when you are young. If you are uncomfortable, don’t go. Your boyfriend is entitled to his feelings or desires too .You guys should not try to control each other. Respecting each other’s space works well. Work on your self esteem. Good luck
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Since he knows your feelings on the matter, he should respect you and not go to strip clubs. If he can’t or won’t do that, you shouldn’t waste any more time with him.
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How long have you been together? What are these things they can do that you can’t. I see these types of post all the time. Jealousy is an evil emotion for you to hold and for you to impose on some one else. Find your wise woman, learn what makes you special and lean hard. It’s not fun or sexy to be with someone who is self deprecating. Find your power girl so you’ll your ready for real love. This one is not it. Your on the same wavelength.
If it were my husband, he better be spending his own money…cause strip joints aren’t cheap…if he’s dropping a couple C notes a week, money that could be saved for a house down payment, or paying off credit card debt…Personally I could never justify spending my hard earned money there…Just better and more things that the money could be spent on…vacations etc.
Respect is the key. Not necessarily respect for the lady who is asking the question here, but for women in general. Some men continue to see females as less than, and always will.
Me and my partner go together 
he has been to one with his mates I don’t mind him going last time I asked how it went and the only thing he said we he was getting a lap dance and got stripper glitter in his eyes from it lol and I laughed
They deffo are better looking though but I can’t help that
Just talk to him more about it
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You need to work on your own self esteem & confidence. The way he’s talking to to and treating you, he’s talking down to you and he’s feeding your low confidence & tearing down your self esteem… You need to find strength to finish things with him. He won’t change for you.
Sending you much love, you can do this 
xxx
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I say if it makes you uncomfortable for him to go to strip clubs, he shouldn’t go, my husband went on a special occasion, bachelor parties, I’d never be okay with him going all the time, plus it’s not cheap hanging in clubs of any kind.
I wouldn’t and never have cared if my spouse, the love of my life goes to a strip club and vise versa we trust eachother and are 100% honest with eachother and we both know neither of us would stray. I know at the end of the night he comes home to me and I to him.
I think in the end its not the fact that he’s going to a strip club thats messed up but the fact that him still going even after you making your feelings known to him shows that he doesn’t respect your feelings enough to worry about it and thats the problem. Not the strip club but the disrespect
Bail out now! You’re not on the same page you’re not even in the same book. Find someone who has your mindset or you will be faced with many more problems as time goes on
Sounds to me he is a self centered narcisist and it wouldnt matter what you said ir do, it will always be trned back against you and his actions will be your fault.
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I feel if a man is going to a bachelor party then ok but if a guy is in a relationship with someone is should not be something he should really do often
Get away from him as soon as you can. It will only lead to him doing other things that you don’t feel comfortable with and then blame you. You deserve better than this.
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You deserve better young lady / you should be enough for him / he may not be touching but he is still going there and looking at other women so it is not right . Go see someone and get some help so life improves for you
There is a whole lot to unpack here. Your view of yourself is not his responsibility. You need to first work out why you have self esteem issues and love yourself enough to trust him. He is a support system. It is unfair to make him responsible for making you feel good about you.
As for strippers can you do strpper shit. You making cheeks clap, climbing poles, doin splits, doing tricks. If not it’s a statement of fact. It is entertainment. Sorry sis but you have to work on you. Going on like this will push him away.
Leave him… and find someone you share the same values with. You’ll be happier. And he will be free to find a girlfriend that enjoys the same things he does.
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Your issues with yourself are not going to be fixed by him staying home from a strip club… So what he goes has a good time and comes home to take his frustration out on you. It is not cheating… Look at it as some spice in your life… You season your food right? Has to be ground rules and as uncomfortable as it makes you… Trust is a big part of a relationship and it has to go both ways.
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My now deceased husband used to take me with him to the strip clubs . He always wanted to show me off and the strippers would try to get his attention. Never really worked as most of them were flat chested . Maybe you could go with him and see for yourself that they don’t compare to you
Love is not enough. You must have respect in a relationship. 1st you must respect yourself. You need to get past these self esteem issues. Your boyfriend needs to respect your feeling. If he doesn’t why on earth would you respect him? Respect is a 2 way street.
Time to leave, better now than if you were married, sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders.
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I wouldn’t care if my guy went to a strip club, obviously I wouldn’t want him paying for sex. Hell I’d love to check out a male strip club just for fun. You can’t control everything your SO see, there is always going to be someone in more revealing clothes. Trust your SO, and yes it is a two way street. I know my guy wouldn’t cheat on me and I don’t control him.
I’d you don’t like it and he doesn’t respect you enough to stop going, show himthe for and find someone (if you must have a boyfriend) that will respect your feelings.
Go with him. He may not like it but you can ask him to show you what he means by " they do things you can’t". Then I would find a male strip club and go without him at first. Invite him to go with you . …of course this all depends if you guys can communicate and respect each other’s feelings. If he totally dismisses your feelings, you have to decide if you are willing to put up with it.
Work yourself into a life without him. I didn’t say a new relationship I said a life for you without that creep of a guy. I would rather be alone than with someone that makes me feel less. Be strong. You can do it.
There is nothing wrong with him going it is not cheating and has nothing to do with you it is no different than him sitting at home and watching porn
It shows a lack of respect after she shared her objection. What else will you compromise on when he makes a questionable judgment. Get some counseling. If he loves you he will understand but if not don’t wait and don’t waste yourself on someone who does not put you first
Hire a housekeeper. Tell him she does things for you that he can’t. Should be about the same amount of money.
It’s one thing if he goes because of a bachelor party and stays respectful about it while there, or brings you with for a goofy night out of your normal box. It’s another when he wants to go regularly because they can “do things that you can’t”. Sounds like he’s the type that will never be happy no matter who he’s with, and you’ll save yourself a lot of trouble and heartbreak getting out now.
To me that’s considered cheating in a relationship. He could even go into a back room and have his way with a girl if he pays enough for it.
If you are not sure that he truly loves you, let him go. From what you are saying, he is Cleary not invested or totally committed to you… If he was, he would not need to do things outside your relationship especially if you are not comfortable with it…
I went one night with my husband, I’m here to tell you that they were older ladies and nothing to look at.
If he insists on still going after he knows how you feel …. dump him, it’s just a matter of time before he cheats with one of them….sorry……
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Look. A strip club is the safest place he can go. The only thing dancers are interested in is his money. They don’t want to date him or have sex with him. They are just trying to earn a living. If you are uncomfortable with it, then go with him next time. You might actually have fun. It’s not uncommon for couples to go together.