In a relationship or not no strip clubs. They’re just glorified whorehouses with a fake shingle.
As long as he is coming home to you. Shouldn’t be a problem. You need to work on your own self esteem and worth . We all carry baggage. That’s yours .
Thank you for posting. Strip clubs are a boundary issue. If you have said that it makes you uncomfortable and you have told him directly that him going to a strip club makes you uncomfortable and he still goes: he is disrespecting you. Even if you had not said it makes you uncomfortable, that is still disrespectful. It is in the same category as: out getting drunk with the homies, spending time with his ex, having a profile on a dating site, having single female friends, lying, cheating. There are many others, but you get the point. These are boundary issues, and it really does not matter why you are uncomfortable, you are. That should be enough. For me it would be my line in the sand, and is asking for trouble and temptation in your relationship.
If he says that they can do things that you cant then what does he really mean ?!?! Hes a man that’s going into a strip club and they can do things that you cant (hes obviously being sexual with them because what else would a man do at club where a woman is walking around basically nude) if he knows it hurts you but goes anyways he obviously doesnt care about your feelings. My husband doesnt go to them not only because we are Christians but because he knows it would kill me deep down inside. I would honestly break it off because you deserve way better !!! If he truly loved you then he wouldn’t go because he would respect how you felt.
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You need to work on you. Heal. Love yourself. And trash the whole ass man if he doesn’t care about your feelings, whatever they are.
I wish we knew how old you two are. Anyway, I know you say you love each other, but, this is not how he should make you feel. Please consider moving on, or you will be dealing with bad feelings until you do. Once you do, you need to allow yourself to be with a man that truly loves you, and puts you on a pedestal. The sooner the better. Life is way to short to waste it with someone that makes you feel so bad. Just imagine what it could be like for someone to love you so much, that they would do anything to keep from hurting your feelings. It is possible, and each of us deserves it!!!
I don’t think there is any problem with it at all… Normally lads go with all their mates for a laugh. It wouldn’t bother me of my partner went to them. I have sat there and watched things like magic Mike etc so what is the difference?
Seriously! I cannot even believe this is a question. All I would say is NEXT! You give this guy too much power… and no, if you’re married he will not change… Stop being so impatient… the one you deserves is out there, stop settling. so you can find him. as I said at the beginning… NEXT!!
If he’s just a boyfriend… throw his ass to the curb. Life is too short to put up with that nonsense. You work on you, if you had confidence in yourself… you would not be tolerating such disrespect.
Would he want you to go to strip clubs???
Would he go to a male strip club with you,?
You are right and he is wrong. Don’t let him gaslight you. When he watches other women dancing suggestively he can’t help but picture himself with them. That is cheating because he’s chosen to put himself in that situation. Ask him what his reasoning is. What’s enjoyable about it? If he’s honest it’s the watching these women and fantasizing. Would he want you to go to male strip clubs on the regular? He lies if he says he’s alright with it.
No, he has no right to be purposely watching other women and fantasizing about them if he’s in a relationship with you, in my opinion. If it was me I’d tell him it’s this childish and hurtful wet dream adventure with other women or his relationship with me. I wouldn’t allow both. And his answer to such a choice will tell you all you need to know about the depth and reality of his love for you. You don’t want him if he chooses cheap thrills over you. Believe me.
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My husband has very strong negative views of strip clubs, and has honestly never been to one. It’s crazy how much backlash he gets from other men when he has politely declined going or when he has mentioned he’s never been/never will go. In addition to having a wife who is a child therapist (I’ve had to work with too many kids who’s mothers are “dancers/performers” or otherwise in the sex industry - it’s not as glamorous as people think and there’s a lot of stuff going on behind the scenes), he really doesn’t see why he would ever pay for that. I agree; as a woman I don’t think I would ever want to pay for sexual gratification or attention (seems slightly pathetic to me).
While it may work for others, I personally could never be in a relationship with someone who wasn’t willing to talk things out and respect my feelings, but also who aligned on some of these topics with me. No one can tell you what should or should not upset you or be a deal breaker in a relationship.
Also, if he wants a night when he doesn’t have to think of someone else he shouldn’t be in a relationship.
Also, if he really spells that horribly, that’s reason enough to end things. Not even kidding, that would get on my LAST nerve.
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If you want a man of this world and who clearly cares about pornography and selfishness, then this is your guy. It is painful but he will always hurt you because he is a lost soul. God help him. You will never be enough for this man. He will never have enough to be happy . He has no respect for women or you and my guess is when you find a man who adores you, you won’t even have to ask this question. Walk now. Start by loving yourself through taking care of you. If that is too hard or you live with him, then begin now while you are with him. Get busy without him, make, save money. Take classes, build a business and do things that make you a better you. Strong Men love strong women.
If he cared at all he wouldn’t purposely be hurtful and say they can do things you can’t , I feel like break that off and find another fish …. There’s so many that would never make u feel less
You’re biggest problem is your self esteem. My husband isn’t a fan of them there are strict rules in place to protect the women. Which is great. But for him he finds them pointless because even if a woman is really attractive why go somewhere get a semi / hard on and can’t do anything about it he’d rather be with me. That being said I have no issue with him going to one with some mates if that’s what they want to do. Would you stop him from going to a night club ?? If far more likely that of something we’re to happen it would be a nightclub with loose women than in a strip club with protected women who are sober and just earning a wage. There will probably always be the odd one who offers.more for more money but that’s against the rules of pretty much all places. But then that’s the man’s problem.
This is the start of something that (I promise you)) will only get more and more involved.
Women are wired much different than men. We are emotional, they are visual.
If he wants to go to a strip club, he should want to go with you.
I am sure you could find a club that both of you could enjoy.
How about watching an exotic movie at home together in your own private space.
I bet you money that he is already hooked on porn and you don’t even know it.
Trust me, one visit to a strip club is like smoking meth once.
Do you know God?? Then the answer should be very simple. Turn to Him. You have to find your peace. No use to argue. If he wants to go to a strip club, he will find a way. You are headed down a very long and sad path. See is an addiction to most men and a lot of women. He can love you to the moon and back but in the bedroom, it is very hard for the wife to win.
But in a strip club they are not in a string bikini…
Dump him. You are both obviously different. Move on, find a man like you want and need.
Going to a club isn’t cheating. Unless he’s sexually active with a stripper.
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Also why is everyone instantly “leave him!”
What happened to communication? Working things out? You can’t just leave bc you don’t like something, especially if you “love” someone.
The fact that he doesn’t respect you should speak loudly. When a man loves you, he listens to your feelings. Boundaries are lacking here. If he crossed the line then there should be a penalty. If no penalty, he keeps doing it because he can, leading to the disrespect.
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Throw him back find another fish , he’s just a boy ( friend ) this time cast out for a real man whose not a selfish prick cause you need someone who can handle your emotional baggage and this one can’t even hold your purse while you pee. Save yourself time let the fool go for good
Why not go together 
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I think it cheating…because these girls wine & grine up on the men that go there. Men go there & lust over them. Even tho some men just go to watch…y do that??? To see what you don’t have??? And to make you who already have self esteem issues feel more bad about yourself. Hunnie you’re better than that…i was raised to believe never to compromise on anything that would bring you down or make you feel less of the woman you are. He isnt worth it. Get rid of him
It’s kinda disturbing to me to see how many couples go to strip clubs together.
Cheating with your eyes. Never been to a strip club but I have known a few strippers and none of them are what I would call pretty. Just wanna throw that out there. I am not amazeballs but I know from pretty. Skinny doesn’t equal pretty. That said, no matter why something makes you uncomfortable it is your partner’s duty to discuss and conquer said issue. I am one of those people that generally think their person should only be seeing their partner in this type of situation. Same as porn. Idk why so many people think I am weird for wanting my guy to not get off to some other chick. Idk. Honestly though if he were to go to a club with me where dudes were stripping I would be cool af (but also a tad territorial)…but I like bi guys. We could make a sandwich with a dude anytime but involving other women in his sexual sphere bugs me. If the guy isn’t into dudes it isn’t even a factor and yet men who have straight partners want them to be ok with stuff or even participate in stuff that involves other women. I am ok with porn if we are using it to work ourselves up for each other and our dynamic but I am not cool with him getting off to it without me involved. Haven’t had the opportunity yet to explore all of this beyond fantasy but it is so a thing. Lol.
I love the strip joint. Me and hubby have fun but she’s not into that, he should respect that:100:
It depends on the relationship, what both are ok with. He should respect how you feel since you told him. I’d go to a male strip joint to see how he’d feel. In past relationships I turned tables and these boys would always get upset when I did the same as them and I said why are you complaining your obviously ok with it and so on. Their in it for themselves and not worth our time.
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Personally I don’t think it’s cheating to go to a strip club. The men cannot touch the women on stage. Or even if he gets a lap dance . No touching for him. If your worried why not go with him have a few drinks get yourself a lap dance . Will probably turn your man on lol. I have been to a strip club with ex boyfriends. My husband now we’ve been together 10 years. He’s never gone to one while being with me. Now he’s best man for his brother he has to do the planning for bachelor party. Translation strippers lol. Don’t feel low about yourself. Does he treat you well? Had he cheated on you before? He says he loves you. Don’t over think things. Just next time go and enjoy yourself
Going to a strip club while hanging out with the guys once in awhile to me would be no big deal. However, the comment of “they can do things you cant.” Bitch, goodfuckingbye.
Go with! Now that’s a confidence booster. I swear the strippers love the women more then the men! They’ll have you feeling like a stripper too:kissing_heart:
I agree with Tiffany
I wouldn’t put up with it. Wouldn’t let him near me if he wants to spend his free time ogling women then let him do it as a single person
Sounds like you don’t trust him and you have low self esteem…girl…love yourself!! Please those girls are sad, so maybe they are a little thinner, probably from the coke lines they are doing! You got everything they don’t got!!! You got class!
I’d go with him. Let’s have fun together… but then my bi ass would probably like the strippers more than he would 
This stupid go as couple and fuck that stripper together yolo gotta keep that relationship lit or dude gone find it somewere else only way too keep a LONG relationship is too spice it up ery now and then but tbh that monogamy shyt is hella dead i feel not by choice but i feel social media killed it mostly wen u can talk too anybody at the touch of a button on ur phone 
He has NO RESPECT for women, not just you! Also, no self respect. DUMP HIM
What can they do that you can’t? … Shit he can throw all his money at you while u take ur clothes off and then you can scoop it all up off the floor and walk smooth out the damn door with all his cash and not fuck him after…
People in relationships should do whatever makes them happy. Be respectful and kind to the person you’re in love with. If it makes you both happy that’s great. Respect your own boundaries as well. If he does it after you’ve specifically asked him not to, then realize your value and worth are not being respected and if he’s willing to disrespect you then FRANKLY he does NOT LOVE YOU and you should move on. Without hesitation or doubt.
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Get rid of the boy and get a man. When I first got with my husband he had a bunch of VIP passes for all the strip clubs. I told him if he was with me I didn’t want him going. He said that was fine and handed me his wallet where they all were and I ripped them up. Nothing else was mentioned. Now he did say later he wanted to go to a strip club for his bachelor party and I was fine with that… but it was also his last time seeing any other boobs…soooo… if a man finds someone he truly wants to be with, strip clubs dont mean shit. If anyone I was with said a stripper could do more than me I would have to come back with “you’re probably right, I can’t give you diseases. You can have them all.” And be done. That’s not insecurities, it’s called self respect. Most woman lack that.
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Throw the whole man away 
Sorry to say but men are visual creatures so its all about what they see.Its the sexual act that validates thier love.He isnt having sex with them and i gaurentee he cant remember thier faces.
It doesnt mean he doesnt value your ralationship or love you less.
If you’re not secure in your relationship, you probably shouldn’t be in it.
Womens bodies are beautiful all shapes and sizes. Go to the strip club with him find out what he likes and see if you can help me his needs. Its not cheating I promise unless he’s sleeping with one of them. I think it is OK to look if they stop looking then be concerned.
If you set that boundary and he doesn’t respect it, that’s not on you. If he doesn’t show some understanding when you next talk, perhaps it’s time to re-evaluate if you want to be in that relationship.
Limits are limits. If that’s a no from you, he gets to decide wether that is something he wants to not do out of respect for you or something he’d actually like to do and maybe you are too restrictive for what he wants in life. Theres no right or wrongs here. It’s about what you are both personally comfortable with.
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Oh honey been there on both ends of that actually and if he doesn’t respect you and how you feel now and the mental anguish that it causes you and the mental f*** it gives you I’d be bouncing and do it on your own… if he does not respect you now over this when you are married he’s going to not respect you on something serious
Everyone has a different opinion of this stick with your own. Don’t listen to other people. Women that are ok with this shouldn’t push that on other women that aren’t comfortable with it. Everybody is different.
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I could care less if mine goes… And he could care less if I went… I mean I hand picked and hired the strippers for his bachelor party bc I wanted to make sure they were his type BUT if I was uncomfortable with it, he wouldn’t go out of respect what’s his opinion on you going to see male strippers bc “they can do things that he can’t?” THAT response/question is the disrespectful part to me, not going to the strip club.
He needs to dump her emo ass and move on.
Wow, considering you explained why youre not liking it and that was his reply is kinda 
hes obviously got no intention of stooping so that’s on you to think about if youre gunna be happy to live like that with a man who doesn’t compromise.
Relationships will only work if two people are on the same page and two people need to compromise and communicate to make sure youre both happy and not going past boundaries for each person.
Some relationships are okay with this, some aren’t and both are okay but youre clearly not happy and he has no intention of stopping, you really need to wonder if this is really gunna work out for you
If he doesn’t know where his bread is buttered then he should just walk out the door.
If he knows, nothing anyone can say or do nekkid can persuade him otherwise.
First of all he wouldn’t be my boyfriend anymore and I completely get your insecurities,I’m the same way and honestly if he feels like he needs to look at other women he doesn’t need to be in a relationship at all. Some women may be ok with it,but most of us are not and I just think it’s disrespectful.
Dump him, he’s not for you.
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My opinion is… Let him go, I know who he comes home to, I know what I got, I know the things I do for him. Nothing and no one can change that. Who cares if they can do things you can’t. He comes back to you, and YOU can do things THEY can’t. Hold your head up with pride love who you are and love what u do for your man.
Wouldn’t be an issue for me. However you are allowed to feel the way you do
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After thinking about this from both sides and reading a few comments that support one or the other, I feel that this issue is one that would require some effort and understanding from both you and your boyfriend to work through.
As previously stated in a comment by Jennifer Griffin, you absolutely should NOT let anyone else push their opinion about Strip Clubs onto you. Especially since I suspect that goes is deeper than you being upset or uncomfortable with his enjoyment of Strip Clubs as you stated that you are insecure about yourself and your body… but I don’t believe you should completely ignore and shut out other opinions either since being able to listen to and consider a different point of view could greatly benefit your current and future relationships.
As many comments stated, even the ones that were incredibly unkind about it, your current boyfriend isn’t responsible for your current insecurities and low self esteem. Much as I dislike saying this to you due to how hurt you’ve been, you can’t put that responsibility on him and him alone. You should never depend on another person to feel okay about yourself, it’s unfair to them AND to you.
At the same time though, he’s not without fault here. While he shouldn’t be solely responsible for your self image he should still consider how his words and actions could hurt you and even potentially worsen the problem. What he wants and what he enjoys is important, sure, but not at the cost of deepening emotional and mental wounds in his partner. He’s not wrong for enjoying strippers, he’s wrong for prioritizing his wants over your needs… by needs I mean assisting you in your recovery from the emotional damage caused by previous relationships or at least trying not to make it worse.
If this relationship is one you both want to keep and commit to, then he should be willing to postpone his Strip Club visits for the time being and you should be willing to accept that you, unfortunately, are responsible for addressing your insecurities and repairing your self esteem. If he’s not willing to come to a compromise in order to help you overcome your problems then it would be best for both of you to call things off, even if it hurts to do so.
…my heart hurts for you. It feels so… SO unfair and wrong to have to work so hard and put so much effort into just being okay with yourself again after it was so EASY for someone else to tear you down and scar you for little to no reason… It’s infuriating because you have to struggle to fix what someone else damaged, often without so much as the simple acknowledgment of the pain they caused let alone an apology as if they did nothing wrong at all.
Yall are better than me 
I’m not dealing with his foolishness
You have no understanding of how a man’s mind works, it is two separate things to him.
You are tore up with jealousy and possession and are taking it as a personal insult. He sees it as entertainment and nothing more than that, it has noting to do with you unless you make an issue which apparently you do.
Keep pushing and you will push him into doing something that will cause you to end up in court.
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Dump him he’s not for you . He does not love you enough to stop .
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A man who goes to strip clubs, especially when it hurts his lover, is a man who is okay, even enthusiastic about women being treated as sex objects. If you stay with him, you’ll find that he is unable to have a fulfilling adult relationship with you. He will treat you badly in lots of other ways also. He doesn’t see women as people. Dont waste your time with him. Given an opportunity, he will cheat on you. If you don’t dump him now. He will dump you down the road. Even the women who work in strip clubs, know the men who patronize their clubs are not worth their time. They won’t date their customers, and not because their bosses have “rules” about it. Lose the loser.
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He should be understanding of your issues, but if you’re unwilling to compromise by getting therapy, and attempting to boost your own self esteem, you’re the one in the wrong.
If he really Loves u he would not be going to strip clubs. No excuses.
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This is simular to porn in the sense of the feelings of cheating aspect. It will always be devided. It has alot on how people were raised and what kind of relationships they have had. U cant put what your ex did to u on him but at the same time he has to respect how u feel. Would he be okay with u going to a strip club? Go and do it just to lrt him know how it feels. And say they can do things u cant as well. Good luck
Tell him to fuck off
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Everyone has there own boundaries that they NEED to feel safe and those can certainly change over time. Just make sure you make them clear as they evolve. There are going to be non-negotiable things on both ends. Just talk through them and get on the same page.
Nope. I don’t allow either, don’t like it then there’s the door.
Girl…… just no. At least not for me and my relationship… would not tolerate this. Simple.
NO!! Inless there going together…
Get rid a say hes half way there to cheating by going to a strip club you should be enough for him nevermind going to a strip club get rid of him you can do so much better
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Stand up to him make him choose don’t let him underestimate you. He’s breaking your self esteem. Undermining you. You know who you are and if that don’t work walk away that will wake him up. If not walk away and don’t look back. It’s mental abuse.
If he isn’t lifting emotionally, mentally and/or spiritually…maybe find happiness, security and confidence in yourself first. I wished I’d done that before getting married to the shell of a man I call husband. No woman with a man should feel insecure about herself much less their relationship. Just my opinion sweets…don’t hate… it took me years to figure this shit out now I’m working on my way out of a marriage that isn’t helping me grow in the manner I need to. He’s content, I’m not. Prayers for you:pray:
Doesnt bug me at all. If a man is hot ill tell his girl or wife nd that they are lucky to hav one another. Im truly content on being single. I party with single and married guys. Even if a chick is hot. Like nice boobs or downstairs ill tell her.
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It all depends upon the boundaries set by the relationship. Everyone has a different boundary of what they deem is appropriate for a deep connection between two people. It sounds like one person has a tighter boundary than the other, there needs to be a compromise and leeway if the connection is strong enough to care about their needs equally. Communicate with your partner to find a comfort zone!
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“they can do things you can’t”
Boy bye
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Its time to have a break to think about it individually - what are each of your priorities.
Going to stip clubs or losing you?
Stay with him and be hurt everytime or move on?
Omg leave!! This is NOT a cheating issue. This is a respecting your partner issue. Me personally, I have no issues with strip clubs or my man looking at other women, but that’s me and my life and my (lack of) issues. We’re not all the same and there’s nothing wrong with how you feel about this. The problem is your partner not respecting you or validating your feelings. Run. Run away. If he can talk to you like that, you are absolutely fooling yourself to think the relationship will last or that this little boy has any idea what love is. The two of you won’t make it together like this. Tell him how you feel and if he doesn’t listen, kick him to the curb. Life is too short to waste on people like this. If you don’t leave him now, 2 years from now when you catch him cheating on you, you’re going to kick yourself hard for not leaving him when you had the chance.
My Darling Wife went out with a bunch of lady friends…Girls Night Out…All of Them Married…They hit a few bars…And ended up at a place where the Chippendales…Male Strippers were performing…She told me that…I told her…Have a great time…Enjoy yourself. She told me later…One Young lady said she hoped her Husband never finds out !!!. He’s the really jealous type. She asked what are you going to tell your husband ???. I said he already knows…I told him where we were going. She said…He didn’t get mad ???. No…Why should he ???. He Trusts Me…It’s all About Trust…
FYI, they are not half naked.
If this is the first time the conversation of that sort of industry has come up, be it clubs, Porn, only fans and such then you can’t be mad. Bringing the subject up explaining your boundaries saying hey, this sort of stuff I’m just not cool with in a relationship ahead of the feelings is pretty much a mood killer but it needs to be done. How to you expect someone to accept responsibility for hurting you when they didn’t know it would hurt you 
you’ve got to be upfront and honest. Then when he does stuff that hurts you abs you were clear where your boundaries are then it’s Time to consider if he’s right for you or if he’s taking the piss out of you.
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being hurt is a choice you make. he doesnt hurt you. if he does something you are not comfortable with then you decide how you want to behave/choose how to feel…but he has made his choice. nothing to do with you. you choose how you see what you need for you. guilt tripping him is manipulation of him.
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There’s nothing wrong with strip clubs while in a relationship.
If this hurts your self-esteem then that’s a you problem…not a him problem. That’s something YOU need to work on.
If you can’t trust the person you are with when they are out doing whatever then why are you with them.
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If you choose a man who isn’t in the same playing field as you, then you can unchoose that relationship. Sounds to me you are settling with someone who has no respect for your feelings or values. Stop using “but I love him” as an excuse to stay with a man who clearly isn’t on the same page as you are. Move on and find someone you are compatible with.
Gurl what you needa do is lose 100lbs by dumping his ass and find you somone better who’s deserves someone like you
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“I want to do things for one night without worrying about another person.” He doesn’t care love. If he did he would worry very much about the other person in his life.
Every day.
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Girl you need to leave him that’s cheating if he can’t be satisfied with just you like it should be I would be going to the strip club there are plenty of men out there I know it’s hard to find a good guys these days but it will happen when you least expect it well that’s what they say he’s never going to change you’re going to be fleeing this way until you leave him so it’s up to you
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Girl don’t be hard on yourself. DROP THAT ZERO!!!
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It doesn’t sound like he really wants to be in a relationship or that he really loves you. If he is hurting you and crossing a boundary then it’s time to do something about it to show how valuable you are. Your feelings are real and valid! Of course having your partner compare you to others and having a need to constantly look at others will have an affect on your confidence and trust towards him. It doesn’t matter if others see it as cheating or whatever, YOUR feelings and comfort level should matter in your relationship.
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Maybe he us not the guy for you.
Do you give up things or do things you don’t want because he likes or doesn’t like it.
Maybe it doesn’t bug other women, be he isn’t dating them.
That is a difficult question.
Here’s how you tell him it hurts you.
GET THE F OUT OF MY HOME AND DON’T EVER COME BACK!
Are you for real……
Flip the script. One night dress slutty and makeup your face to look like someone different. Give him the best lap dance and make sure he enjoys it. Tell him this is gonna be your new occupation if he can’t manage to stay out of the strip club. Lol
Hey beautiful lady! you are so strong and I’m sure there is absolutely nothing wrong with you whatsoever! Don’t listen to people on here who are feeding you negative trash and bullshit. The guy you are with doesn’t deserve you. He needs to be loving all of you and only you. And what the hell is he even saying??? They do things you can’t do?? thats no excuse! I suggest you make a date with your girl friends and together go out and have fun clubbing and see what you are worth because girl, this guy ain’t for you!!! He will realize who he lost the day you leave. And…. Do Not take him back otherwise he will cross your boundaries again later. If you have kids with him then okay stay for the sake of the kids because it’s about them and not you guys anymore. That’s what I think. The choice is yours beautiful. hugs
Drop that man. So many good ones out there.
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Wow that’s messed up….if my bf said this I would be mad 
Put their bed out front of the strip club
If you don’t think he’s looking at porn in addition to going to a strip club, you’re greatly mistaken.
You need to find a hermit that doesn’t like going out and doesn’t like porn.
and good luck with that.
I’d either file for divorce or give him his terms to stay married… A married man or woman should not be hanging out in strip clubs… If he goes and enjoys he is cheating… U can do better and that bullshit isn’t love either… Since he’s fighting so hard to go I’d say he’s not worth your tears… Good luck…
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Yeah, its cheating !
Being in a relationship doesn’t mean we’re blind to other people And the human body is a beautiful thing. If you’re not looking anymore you must be dead.
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