Sounds like the olderst is going through puberty and the parents separation all at once. He’s having a harder time accepting his father is not getting back with his mom. It’s hard to jump in conclusions when we don’t know the whole story. How their dad treated him while in the marriage and mom’s side of the story. Sometimes the mother uses their kids to put their dad against them because they’re still hurt from the separation and don’t want the ex to be happy with a new person. I have a step son and we went through a rough year when he was 13. Tell your fiance to give him the space he wants but to always let him know he’ll always be there for him. I really feel it’s just a face since the other 2 siblings are happy.
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You should consider not taking it to heart. As a parent with teenagers- there’s a lot you may not know. Maybe he likes the location at moms better, for access to friends. Maybe he’s overwhelmed with step siblings. Don’t push him away, give him some space. But definitely don’t take it personally, or boneheaded teens will make it personal.
At the age of thirteen kids can be difficult. They are just enter their teens and really dont have time for anybody but their friends. Their minds and bodies are changing and evolving rapidly and they are turning into young adults. It can be rough on kids and parents. Be firm but understanding also.
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He’s 13. If you’re a mom you better get used to kids having a minds of their own. The amount of support he pays literally has nothing to do with it. Leave his kid alone and worry about yours until/ unless his son comes to you. Oh and country life is boring btw.
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Have y’all asked him if he had any ideas or things that he wanted to do to make it less boring?! What are some of the things that he enjoys? Let him know that you all want to spend time with him and are willing to try some things that he is in to in order to be with him. Truly make an effort to connect with him. 13 is when I started rebelling and looking back I wish that someone had shown interest in my interest. Forcing him isn’t going to help.
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Unfortunately it cant be forced. Could your fiance around a day out once a month that the kids can choose where to go?
This isnt nothing you can do hes old enough to make them choices as hard as it maybe let it go
Been through this! All I can say is goood luck! 
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Just keep doing…it sounds like he is repeating what he’s being told. Praying 
Honestly just support your husband and his children like you have been. If the oldest son doesn’t want to come over then don’t force him or a relationship, but still support his oldest son from a distant. Right now he could have feelings that he can’t explain and the best way he shows them is through anger right now. Children even adults are still learning how to communicate and process their own emotions through life. If he doesn’t feel comfortable for ANY reason then just respect his sons wishes and leave it at that. When he grows older and realize how he reacted on his part or how much he has missed out on having a relationship with his dad then that will be on him later in life, but always keep open arms so that way he knows that you guys will always be there for him no matter what. And as for the part you brought up your husband pays a lot of money in child support for his kids, well 1 child is already expensive let alone 3 of them, money shouldn’t have to do with anything about his relationships with his children, he is doing his part on supporting them wether the children chose to see him or not. Maybe one day you should all sit down and just have an open talk (without anger or a bad reaction) just let them express themselves and maybe you will get further in the relationship, people are quick to react the moment someone says something they don’t agree or understand.
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Plain an simple … no court order about visitation nothing really can be done. If there is a court order he needs to file for contempt of court. As far as the manipulation … cps will see through it. It’s not the first time they have dealt with kids that want to be assholes in order to get their way.
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you need help with 4 kids, 3 which basically can do a lot for themselves??? That remark I fully don’t understand, Is one or more fully disabled??? If not, they can do many things by themselves & the 2 older ones can do chores, Anyway about the 13 yr old, He is a teenager, he most likely wants to be with his friends, which I fully understand, I have a 13 yr old granddaughter & she rather be with her friends than hangout with me over the weekend, And I fully understand, If she didn’t want to hang out with her friends, I really would think something is wrong, So with that said, let it go, When he is older , his father still will be there with & for him & that is what is important, Then add he just might be upset that his parents are no longer together…it’s a thought, Your husband really needs to do a 1-1 with his oldest & really talk to him & then listen to what his son has to say about everything
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Your stepson shouldn’t be forced to go visit if he doesn’t want to. You guys can go to him and take him out or whatever but at his age, I definitely don’t think it’s okay to force him to go visit with his dad if he doesn’t want to. If he’s bored there then why not try to find fun things for him to do or all of you to do?
And trying to get full custody?! WTF why? He doesn’t want to be there and you want to force him there all the time? Like why? Unless his bio mom is unfit, there is no reason for that.
To me, it sounds that the only reason you guys wan to file for full custody is because of child support and that is BS. The number one priority should be the health and happiness of the children. Looks like you and the fiancé need to recheck your priorities.
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It’s not your business, tbf. And you CAN NOT force a relationship between him and his father.
For starters it’s not an issue with you or your partner and teenager isn’t being a brat he’s 13 years old he’s got a mind and opinions just like you do. Just because they’re not adults doesn’t mean they don’t have thoughts and opinions your partner needs to sit down on his own with his son and actually speak to him
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Let him stay where he is. He obviously doesn’t wanna go. Comfort your husband. But also remind him if a child that old feels so strongly about not wanting to move for no reason other than the sake of how the parent is feeling then, let it be before you traumatize the child into thinking his choices don’t matter. Let the kid stay where he’s comfortable. It’s not the child’s responsibility to make the parent comfortable and happy. But also let the child know your door and arms are always open.
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I share custody of my oldest 3. I have thought about that time in life when they don’t want to go to one house or the other. There will come a time they don’t want me. It’ll hurt. There will come a time they don’t want him. It’ll hurt. But for myself, I won’t force them to be with me if they don’t want to be. Children have thoughts, feelings and opinions just like adults. Maybe your husband can tell his oldest that he understands that he doesn’t want to come spend time there regularly at the moment. Maybe they can just make a plan or two throughout the month for quality time together. Ask for there to be contact text or phone calls to keep in touch. Then let him know that of course you’re all always there for him, that he will always have his place in your home and you love him deeply but you want him to WANT to be with you.
Than just back off. As hard as it’ll be. By no means let it all go and just hope he comes back. Tell him you’d like to come to a compromise.
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What does what he pays in child support have to do with anything? Do you think he’s owed visits because he pays? Like it’s not worth paying it he’s not seeing him? He’s openly stating he’s in fear and youre just blowing it off as a kid who’s willing to have his dad investigated out of spite. You’ve seen him with his kids FOUR times in 9 months. You don’t know this poor kid and clearly haven’t seen a ton of interaction with them. You sound like an evil stepmother and I can see why he doesn’t wanna go over there. You have issues. Get some help.
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Just let him know you both love him and respect his choices. Then back off and take the pressure off him. He may come back to you in his own time. Forcing the situation does no good. Keep up friendly contact through calls and texts and relax with it all a bit.
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At age 13 he has legal consent to rather he comes or goes of it’s court ordered. Not much you can do about it.
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He is at a difficult age. He doesn’t want to spend weekends away from his friends and his stuff. Yes, not everyone thinks country living is wonderful, count me in that group. If his dad wants to spend some time with him, then he can go in to the city and take him to a movie, a game, a restaurant. Likely at some point the kid will want to come out again, but if you push, he isn’t going to want to come at all. And stop calling him a brat. Or you could move back to the city and be near him. Because that’s what your asking him to do.
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Brat is an unruly child… stop referring to him & his stages as “bratty”… sounds more like you think child support equates to visitation when in reality they have 0 to do with each other… stay out of the relationship between father & son, you worry about your relationship with your kids…
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Let him stay where he is don’t force him to come but yall do need to have a serious talk with him about his mouth & comments if he’s openly admiting he will lie and say whatever to stay away. That’s not okay and that absolutely needs to be addressed not just shrugged off. He needs to have repercussions for things like this otherwise he will go through life thinking if he makes threats he will get what he wants.
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Sounds like a teenager to me. At that age and older, I just wanted to hang with my friends not see my family much. We wanted to go to the mall, walk around walmart, hang around memorial field things like that. I would just continue to let him know you guys would never hurt him, you love him and you miss him. Check in regularly. Maybe plan fun things to do? Go to a movie, get lunch together, spend the day at the lake during the summer.
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Instead of staying over. Is it possible he visits in shorter stays. Such as just for tea till 6.30 or something from school . And gradually increase it in 15-30 min intervals if needs be.
Give him time.
I defo feel he needs 1-2-1 with his dad do a really fun activity together. X
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Just my take from this, the way you talk about the kid, sounds like you hate him. & the kid went through a divorce, now you & a new step sibling. Thats alot for a child, just cuz the others are handling it better doesnt mean hes a brat! He probably can sense how you feel & talk about him & prob wants nothing to do with you & thats why hes not coming around. He could also be mad at his dad for the divorce to. I think therapy for him & also all of you could be a great thing to help him express his feelings.
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Be careful not to involve kids in adults business. Have a chat with him, make it all about him. Ask him what he likes to do & do those things with him.
Honestly I’d see if one of friends from town wanted to come also. He’s older he dont want to hand with the parents and younger siblings. My oldest is 13 and when we go do fun things half the time she dont want to come and I dont make her.
He’s a 13, his parents have not even been divorced for 6 months and his dad is engaged to someone else? He’s going to have resentment. If you take it to court at their ages they can have a say in whether they go or not.
Also, you almost got me until you threw in that he is just a brat at the end. Maybe watch the attitude you have toward the children.
They’ve definitely been through enough. And don’t throw around how much he pays in support. That’s none of your business and it’s not meant as a rental agreement for the kids.
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Maybe he holds it against you both because you two were together before the divorce was finalized 
give the poor kid some time to process all this. Divorces are hard on kids. I divorced my ex husband when my son was a newborn and till this day he has a hard time with it. Give it time and show him you both are there for him
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Your attitude could be a part of the problem.
The boys family just dissolved in May. He needs time to process that. He’s not being a “brat;” he’s going through a major life event.
Couple that with hormones and everything else that comes along with being a boy who’s becoming a young man….
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Okay. If my calculations are correct, you got together with your fiance 2 years ago, but his divorce just finalized in this last May… if you were an affair or the reason why his parents’ marriage ended, and he left to live with you and your newborn that isn’t related to him and his other siblings (whom all live primarily with their mom), then it’s quite possible he’s super angry with his dad and doesn’t want to be around him and has resentments towards all of you. You’re talking about child support, which makes me wonder if he only wants more custody, so he won’t have to pay it. Idk, it comes across as you having way too harsh feelings towards a child. He’s 13. His DAD needs to talk to him and work this out, not you. He barely knows you. Give the kid some space and if his dad is an actual good father, he’ll come back around when he’s ready. His dad should continue reaching out to him and reminding him that he’s here for him and misses him and then let him make his own decisions.
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Mind your business. Just from reading this I can tell there something else going on from the perspective of the 13 year old other than just boring country life. You’re possibly (probably) even part of the kid’s problem. If you’re first property isn’t the kid then you aren’t mature enough to contribute anything useful to this situation.
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Maybe some one on one time with his dad
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Its the mother…what 13yr old(that an adult aint feeding them stuff) knows about parents signing rights over…
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You are looking thought the eyes of an adult, not the eyes of a 13 year old. You don’t know how he feels. Obviously his parents went through a divorce at his age that’s devastating. If he doesn’t want to come to your house for the weekend you should respect that and just let him know he’s always welcomed. You can also give him the option to come for a few hours.Also how much child support he pays has nothing to do with his child coming over to visit him. Child support is to support the child not bribe him.
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Find out what would make things fun. A family member was having a similar issue with their oldest. They are teenagers. They want action, to be able to do things and the country probably is boring to a teen. Does he like swimming, buy a pool. Allow him to maybe bring a friend. Appeal to what interests him. Seems like that may be an issue.
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You can’t make him come there anymore. He’s old enough to make that choice himself. Be fun, do fun things. When I met my boyfriend he had every other weekend custody of his 4 boys. He now has the oldest 2 almost 100% and his youngest 2 are 50/50. The oldest 2 prefer to be with us because we give them choices and don’t blame them for everything that goes wrong. Shit his oldest, who is 14 chose to stay with just me on our weekend we don’t have kids because he was mad at his mom, his dad was gone at a weeekend long dirt track race. So it was literally him and I, and seems to me I kept him happy!
Also a year ago this 14 year old was getting into fights and such and was on probation and failing school, but because we have rules and structure he’s made it on the b honor roll and has his own lawn mowing business.
Kids need things to do and love and structure.
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Your husband needs to have a serious talk with his son and ex. Counseling is also definitely needed for this young man. Those false accusations should be taken very seriously and addressed with a professional before it gets any more out of hand. Sounds like he needs more positive one on one attention from Dad. This isn’t being a bratty child this is a young man crying out for help!
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My 13 yr old says his dad’s house is boring and I have him go on the weekends but he doesn’t disrespect me nor his dad. Find out what he considers fun and do it. Is the living corners similar because that also has an affect but they’ll say boring instead of what’s really going on. Bedding? Decent home? Food like the mom has? Etc
You sound like you expect a teenage boy to think ANYTHING is fun. They’re teenagers. Nothing is fun that isn’t their idea. But YOUR attitude can and should be adjusted. You’re an adult, running around with a man who wasn’t even fully divorced when y’all met, and now you’re mad his kid doesn’t wanna call you mommy and kiss your ass. Nah hun he doesn’t owe you, or his dad, anything. If he doesn’t wanna go, then he doesn’t go. Unless you’re packing the weekend full of things SPECIFICALLY for him, leave him alone if he don’t wanna go. You pushing it is just gonna push him away further.
Maybe he is feeling resentful with the relationship. You have a 2 year old so hasn’t been that long since you were in another relationship. His dad has only been divorced since May and you two are already talking of marriage.
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Why does the amount of child support he pays have anything to do with how his kids are feeling? 
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It sounds like to me he is asking for more attention 1 on 1 with his dad
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He can put his foot down all he wants, them kids have a voice and are old enough to know what they want. They can go back to court and voice their rights. Good luck though
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What does he pay so much support for his kids have to do with anything? That doesn’t mean he owns his kids.
Maybe the son doesn’t want to be around you, maybe some one on one with the dad and son on weekends is what’s needed. Maybe you should leave on his kids weekends. The dad and his kids need to get into some counseling.
Seems like a fast relationship, the dad divorce just finalized this past may and it’s September and your engaged already.
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I love when these post back fire 
you ladies supporting the 13 year old son are amazing I agree dad prob moved on way he prob don’t want to be around it honestly probably makes him uncomfortable
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So, you’re wrong out the gate. “He pays so much support”… Child support isn’t an entrance fee. He pays support because he made children.
You’ve been together for 2 years, but he just got divorced in May? Yuck. 13 is old enough to say where he wants to be. Forcing it won’t make anything any better. “We” don’t need to do anything right now. You need to step back and let your boyfriend repair his relationship with his children. Not push a custody change.
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Just leave him be? He doesn’t want to come, that should be the end of it if dad wants the kids to spend time with him he has to put more effort in
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Is he still having issues with the divorce? Is mom telling him junk to make him feel differently about his dad? Is he able to get away with doing things at moms that he can’t at dad’s? Does he have fun or interesting activities to do in the “country life” I have so many questions my best advice is tell him he has to go by court order and you and mom and dad and possible lawyers need to sit down and talk. Kid may need therapy to adjust to all these changes
Whoaaaa you should probably stay in your lane and stop viewing the child as a brat before your attitude solidifies his resentment/ lack of care to see his dad.
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Child support has no factor here. His son is going through big changes in life sounds like mom and dad separated and dad just moved on in his life with a new wife. He needs time to adjust to the changes and to know he can still rely on dad even though he doesn’t live in the same house. He is not being a brat he is hurting his dad needs to talk to him let him know he will always be there for him. And at 13 he can make his own choice about who he wishes to stay with parent wise I wouldn’t force him to move to someone else house by force leave him be.
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Lol he’s 13, quit pushing it 
you’re going to end up pushing him out of your lives and it’s going to be his choice. Let him visit when he wants. Make sure you ask him what would help him feel less bored at your place. Your husband is grown and his feelings aren’t more important than his 13 year old son’s.
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Leave him alone. You sound like a brat bringing up the fact “He pays sooo much in support” What does that have to do with this post? He is the oldest he probably is bored. He probably doesn’t have his own space. It’s an age thing.
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So you’re mad because the child is telling y’all how he feels? He’s old enough to decide if he wants to stay with mom or dad. I’m curious. What did you mean throwing in things that could get you in trouble. ( even if it’s not true)? Have you thought maybe he really just doesn’t want to be there?
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So
Hear me out lol
First. I agree that the kid saying things like sign my rights over and I’ll call cps is wrong. Those things need to be addressed for sure. Very unhealthy.
As far as the whole
I’m bored and you said y’all live a country style life -
I actually totally get that.
My parents split when I was really little and my dad lived on a piece of land. One single house. And that was it.
I HATED going over there. No one to play with. Nothing to do. Just straight dread.
I may be the minority here but I definitely feel like that when adults have children we need to try and keep them in a situation where they’re not isolated. And I don’t mean those neighborhoods where it’s zero lot and u have 5 feet of space around the house.
There’s a happy medium.
And really all of the kids would benefit from that too.
Maybe discuss potentially moving? I know that’s like whaaaat lol. But it wouldn’t just be for the teenager. Your kids could go out and play with other kids. Get that interaction and make memories and have some fun.
I resented my dad for living there.
A few years later my mom moved us to a house in a different area but the exact same situation.
I got angry , bored, frustrated, and eventually resentful to her as well.
They ended up taking me to therapy! Lol
As it turned out I was bored , lonely , needed interaction with kids my age. I was too isolated.
I’m not saying that’s your situation, but it’s another perspective to think about.
Kids need other kids around.
Just food for thought.
Sending you good luck.
Maybe see if he wants to bring a friend. This is the age my kids stopped going to their dad’s every wkend because they wanted to hang out with friends. I still made them go every other wkend because it wasn’t fair to their dad. Now none of them go to his house but that’s a different story. Bringing a friend along could make a huge difference. Or maybe see if the oldest would like to come on an off wkend so he could maybe spend some alone time with his dad. U said ur un the country do they go hunting or anything?
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Let him be. He may be taking his parents divorce hard and doesn’t want to say it.
He’s allowed to not want to go to your house. And if you try to force it on him now, he’s going to resent his dad and when he turns 18 he may just decide he doesn’t want to see him ever again because of it.
Child support is $$ to help mom pay for things for the kids since she has them majority of the time- it is not your ownership over those kids. They are human beings, not objects. They have feelings and opinions.
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Let him do what he wants.
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If you’ve been together two years and he just got divorced, that may be a contributing factor in his sons resistance. He may have some resentment there against dad, which is understandable. He needs to get some quality time with his dad. One on one. It sounds like he went from having his family together and then having two separate families in one go, all with dads live in girlfriend too. He’s old enough to piece things together, even if the story line he thinks of isn’t correct. Dad needs to do some serious relationship building, OUTSIDE of you. And why is he going for full custody? Is the mom an unfit mother? Does she feed the children? Support them financially and emotionally? Get them to the doctors? Get them to school? Provide for their needs, school clothes, etc? If the answer is yes to these and she isn’t an unfit parent, then WHY is he filing for full custody? Especially when his 13 year old harbors some serious resentment against his dad? If that woman is a good mother, you as a mother should be ashamed of yourself for supporting that. If she isn’t, by all means take her to court but nowhere in your post did you give any indication that she wasn’t.
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Yeah, as a Parent of 30 years I have some advice for you, MIND YO BUSINESS! This child has every RIGHT to how HE is feeling! His parents divorced in MAY and Dads already has a new family and getting Married in September? Gee I wonder WHY that kid is resentful. Furthermore, Iam SICK of the new woman ALWAYS bringing up what the father is paying in child support, If he CANT afford the 3 he had before YOU, He shouldn’t be having any with YOU! As a Certified CPS Foster/Adoptive parent that has spent plenty of time in a Family court room listening to these cases, Your man can walk into that court room and Put his foot down, Don’t be surprised when the Judge CUTS IT OFF! He is 13 and has the LEGAL right to CHOSE not to have his Father’s choices crammed down his throat. The Judges concern is for the mental and emotional well-being of the CHILD whom is obviously struggling. After 2 years petitioning for full custody is NOTHING more than legally attempting to elude paying child support, No Judge is going to hand this woman’s children over to YOU ! If you are soooo concerned about your household’s finances, You should get a JOB yourself! DISCUSTING!
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One … kids have their own voice…two… him paying child support for the kids he helped make has nothing to do with him getting them…
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He’s 13. He has his own opinion. Deal with it. 
Can’t take it personally as an adult ffs.
Also, news flash, the amount paid in support does NOT equate to visitation time. Nor does it lend to the human relationship between father & son.
Grow up.
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It’s wrong of the son to claim abuse if there never has been any. However he’s trying to express his feelings to your bf. He’s being treated as if his feeling don’t matter. Its natural he’s going to fight. I don’t agree with his methods but I don’t agree with you trying to imply that he pays to see his kids either. His kids time is not for sale. He pays support to make sure they’re taken of. Its not a rental fee.
Kids naturally want their parents to be together. Especially with him knowing this for 11 years. He’s not going to be happy that youre replacing his mom. Add in that you have been with his dad before his parents were divorced. He sees you as the enemy.
Imagine having to leave the parent who has been consistent & your friends, neighborhood etc to visit someone who in his mind cheated in his mom. That’s not going to feel right to him. Now dad is threatening to take him & siblings away from their mom. He’s just going to fight harder. He’s not going to win unless there’s abuse. Depends on where you live 13 could be old enough to talk to the judge. He’s angry as it is. Do you think he’s going to represent your bf well in court? Especially since he’s doing it mostly to get out of paying support. He’s not going to get custody. In fact he may end up loosing visitation with the oldest, possibly all 3 (if he follows through with his abuse allegations). Your bf needs to tread lightly.
I would suggest instead of him trying to force his son to go to your house twice a week your bf visit him. If mom is ok with it he can visit him at home. Or he can take him to eat or to a facility of interest once a month. That way the child gets time with dad, dad sees him on his terms & you aren’t involved. No offense but boys are very protective of their moms. He probably sees you as the enemy.
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Hes 13 at least where I am he has every legal right to choose where he wants to live.
And he should his feelings matter if he hates going to his father’s why does he have to go. If dad wants to see kid can he what not make a trip to go see him?
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It’s time for counseling. He’s got some issues he needs worked out he may not be happy about the situation yes it may feel like he’s one at fault because he’s the oldest of his siblings. It really is time to start working on things and trying to figure out how you walk in cooperates together to help make all of your lives far more comfortable than the present situation.
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If you continue to make him come it could ruin their relationship forever. I was forced to go to my grandmothers and it ruined my relationship with that side of the family even into my adult years, until they passed.
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Does the dad do anything with him at all like quality time when he is there ? Or is it actually all about you and the other kids mostly? I say leave him alone let him decide and stop pushing. Btw child support is because he helped create a living being it’s his duty as a father no matter what to ensure that child is cared for in one way or another. Stay out of it it’s not your place to intervene.
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Idk where you live, but in ks, I believe when the child actually hits the age of 12, they have a voice and an option on whether they go on visits with the other parent. My 15 year yr old refuses to go to her dad’s house due to her stepmother and living conditions. I never fought her on that as she is the one who knows what it’s really like over there. If he doesn’t want to come over, maybe have dad offer to have some time with him to do things outside of the home. He could take him bowling, to the movies, out to eat etc to help them maintain their bond.
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Get the kid a dirt bike or 4 wheeler. Get him and air soft gun or pellet gun. Get him something he actually loves or wants to try. Might be expensive but kids are straight up ungrateful these days and u have to over extend I find when it’s a split relationship because u can see clearly with a line like ur gunna hurt me he’s just being brain washed by the mom or deep down doesn’t like the step mom which can happen
He’s just being a normal teenager he probably doesn’t want to be in the middle of no where with out his friends and with you having such a young child that takes up a lot of your time maybe he should be aloud to make up his own mind on this one I mean more than likely at his age the judge will hear his reasoning on why he doesn’t want to live with you guys he might feel hurt over being in a single parent home
Y’all have been a total a$$hole to this woman whose just trying to support her fiancé. For one, the things that kid is saying sounds like something a resentful baby mama puts in their head. Yes, it could be the kid. But even so, the kid shouldn’t be saying hurtful things like that to his dad. Especially saying things that aren’t true. For two, the child support thing could’ve been meant that he does support his kids & make sure they’ve got everything they need. For three, if they’re getting married & living together, those kids will also be her kids, therefore IT IS HER BUSINESS. Y’all are so quick to say stepmoms are moms too but then are awful on this post. Shame. Four, just cause their divorce was recently finalized doesn’t mean dad moved on too quick. People stay legally separated for years, for different reasons. Sometimes one side won’t agree to the divorce or won’t agree on material things. Sometimes it’s because nobody can afford the divorce. Y’all get over yourselves.
My advice to you is have the dad take the 13 year old out for some one on one time, away from the siblings & other parents, and talk to him. Spend personal time with him, and figure out why he feels this way. Then try to fix it. 13 year olds are hard!! But usually they just want the extra attention without having to ask for it because they’re teens now & it’s not cool to wanna hang out with dad. 
And as far as child support, I’m glad he’s able to pay a big sum…children are expensive. Be appreciative of the fact he makes enough to support his kids. My ex refused to pay child support to his 1st baby momma, and because I understand how hard it is to go without support, I would send her child support through my paychecks to ensure her son was being taken care of.
The dad’s house being “boring” for the child had nothing to do with how
Much or how often dad pays child support. So there is no reason to put it in the post.
As far as the child my guess is that either mom lets him do what he wants, maybe he wants to spend time
With friends on the weekends, or mom is attempting parent alienation.
I don’t see this future step-mom as not lining this child. I see this woman as feeling perplexed as to why and why???
As far as the child’s threats regarding abuse ……then put security cameras in each room.
Take the power of accusations away from this child.
Maybe sit the boy down and ask him what he wants to do at home on the weekends he is spending with his dad.
Maybe dad can negotiate something better that would allow the boy to feel like he has some control over his life and visit his dad.
Like maybe dad can says “How about you choose one weekend a
Month to visit with me, whichever weekend works and in exchange for giving up that weekend I get to come and take you out and about with me each Tuesday night from 6-9”.
Compromise sure makes things easier.
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Huh…
Child support isn’t something that is used as leverage to see a child. The child isn’t a brat for expressing his feelings that yall refuse to accept.
Third maybe he prefers one on one time with his mother then being at your place.
And a great big eww, his divorce just finalized and you’ve been together for 2 yrs. So are you the reason for their home breaking up and pulling that father away to help you raise your newborn at the time.
Wtf ewww ewww ewww go have a seat and let your bf handle his ex-wife!
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All teens are bored he doesn’t have a choice, if his mother is filling his head with these things that could get you locked up you need to address that…:and y’all kill me with the comments abt her calling him a brat, a brat is a brat!!!
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Sooo did he just file for divorce recently ? Or two years ago when you started dating a married man? Kids ARE funny. Could be showing some resentment towards the situation now that he feels comfortable to do so 
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I feel like the reason he dosent want to go over is you !!! Do you treat him as bad as you talk about him on here ? I wouldn’t want to be around you either
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He’s a teen they will do that I’m sure it’s not personal …he just rather hang out with friends and shit I have 3 boys 2 girls all out but one he’s 17 he so disrespectful I’m single widow give it time he’s a smart ass teenager…maybe dad needs to do trip or something with him just 2 of them they need time together …
Youve been together 2 years, and he is just now divorced… maybe he resents BOTH you and his dad. He is 13, making him come for visits he doesnt want isnt helping anyone. Leave the boy alone while he sorts out his feelings. My step son hated me for years because he believed I ruined his family ( i didn’t, his mom broke up with his dad for reasons that had nothing to do with me before my husband and i pursued a relationship). When he got older he realized what actually happened and we have a great relationship. Dont push yourself nor your home on him. And definitely dont push for sole custody of a child who does not want to be with you, the child is old enough to have a say in court and it will not end well for your boyfriend. You would also have to prove the mother unfit, Im guessing she isnt unfit.
Stay in YOUR lane.
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Yall thinking a 13 yr old can do whatever he wants blows my mind
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Your husband and stepson seem to be victims of parental alienation. Try to get the stepson into counseling immediately. Parental alienation is child abuse.
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First off. Child support isn’t “rent a child” just because you pay doesn’t mean you automatically get visitation. Just like it not ok to withhold visitation when payment isn’t made.
Second, he’s a teenager. Teens are fairly immersed in thier life with thier friends. They’re also notoriously rebellious and fairly selfish in that way. So is he being a brat in how he’s trying to get his way? Absolutely. But it’s also not completely abnormal. And at 13, many states will give him the choice. So just forcing it may backfire.
Third. This was a major change for him…major changes are tough on adults. They’re even tougher on kids. Especially if y’all live a significant distance from his home.
So. Here’s exactly what I would do:
Dad needs to have a face to face talk with his child…and he needs to really listen and try to understand the child’s feelings. He needs to be prepared he may not particularly like everything he hears (especially if y’alls relationship catalysted his parents divorce). But he needs to hear it and try to find some empathy for the thoughts and feelings of his child.
Does your fiance take the “nothing is taking away from my time” route on things like sports or socializing? Or maybe your fiance refuses because it’s too far…whatever the reason… If he does.
There’s your answer.
Or maybe your fiance doesn’t but the teen is afraid this is what’s going to happen.
Reassurance is the best thing you guys can give on that. Let him invite a friend over. Go to games even when it’s not your fiance’s time. Call just to talk about his day. Ask Him questions about his interests.
Look, I’ll agree it’s bratty to make comments about being afraid of being hurt. They’re serious accusations as adults we know that, but at the same time…his feelings are being ignored and he’s feeling desperate. He’s not a parent or an adult he probably doesn’t realize just how serious that is. He probably doesn’t understand all the possible consequences for it.
And that absolutely needs a conversation, but since it’s a byproduct of the not wanting to visit to me it would be a separate issue and secondary concern…
The last thing I would do, is a chat with mom.
Make sure there’s no parental alienation going on…see what her insights are if there’s not.
You may not want to hear it, but when it comes to kids…mom’s are a huge resource of knowledge about their kids.
I can tell you every look across my kids’ faces. I know what makes them tick. I know how to get them to mind when no one else does. 95% of the time I can stop a meltdown in it’s tracks (they’re special needs).
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Its a cry for help lady
my daughter’s are 13 and 11 they decide when they want to go. we don’t force them in fear they won’t want to at all. my daughter says the same about her dad’s house. sometimes out of the blue she wants to go and I allow it. at this point is where you want to be good co parents and basically allow an open door for when the child wants to go. I work weekends so my house is just as boring they don’t do anything different by being home.
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My sister stopped coming on the weekend as she got older, she wanted to spend more time with her friends. Maybe the country is too far for him to do anything. And for most 13 yr olds having with their siblings isn’t what they want.
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Just put more fun stuff for him to do on the farm. It could be he is really bored cause he is a teen they have different interests at this point
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let him stay home dont fight w teenagers it will be a headache just ask for holidays from him
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I would really start by not ever calling him a brat again and try to figure out what’s going on in his life because chances are somethings going on and he doesn’t know how to deal with it at your house it doesn’t feel comfy at your house
so maybe take a step back and ask yourself what can I do to make my home more comfortable for him?
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He’s a tee and will be stubborn and all about the gadgets and mates. You can’t force him to come as , as you are now finding, it’ll start fights and resentment which is the worse outcome. Leave him and say that the offer is there whenever he wants. He will grow out of it and want and interactive relationship along the way but as a hormonal moody teen, dad isn’t his priority and it is what it is.
Do you all not realize teenagers can be some of the rudest ungrateful humans. Their trying to find their way in this hard world and see what they can and can’t get away with. Emotions are always high with teenagers. Also maybe he gets to do what he wants at mom’s house. Sounds like there need to be a.family meeting between all 3 parents and kids so all are on the same page and can get their feeling out. Just maybe then some issues can be resolved.
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I went through this as a child- leave the kid alone, he’s old enough to choose where he wants to live. Always be supportive but don’t push yourself onto him because clearly you and your husband are not his favorite people.
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So. Many. Questions. You’ve been together for two years and you have a two year old from a previous relationship and the divorce was just finalized? Are you the reason for the divorce? If so, then the kid isn’t bored, he resents YOU. Sorry, but that’s just fact. I mean, all teens are bored. My 13 year old son has every electronic you can think of, he’s in sports and activities and he’s still bored, but if this kid is bored at dads house, and dads divorce was JUST finalized, and you and dad have been together for two years… it’s simple math. The answer is you. The kid needs to talk to a professional, visitation needs to not be forced on him and he needs some one on one time with just his dad.
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Just an FYI
He’s not going to get full custody
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Don’t make him come to your house. If he doesn’t wanna be there why force him? Maybe in time things will change. If not don’t take it personally he’s 13 and thinks he knows it all I’m sure.
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I’m sure it’s his age he would rather hang out with his friends when my daughter turned 12 she stopped wanted to go to her dad’s so I didn’t make her go anymore it was her decision I didn’t want her going to be upset and cry the whole weekend
Sounds like he’s being fed lies from other parent
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It’s weird to me that people assume mom is behind this teenagers feelings. Do you really not believe a 13 year old is incapable of having opinions of their own?
There’s 31 days out the month. Dad has visitation somewhere between 4-6 of those days (depending on how they define weekend). Maybe his son spends 27 days living a life that he doesn’t want to put on hold to come sit in the country, away from his friends, with the 2 year old his dad is present with every day .
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Don’t make him, in most states he’s old enough to make that decision, making him will just make it worse for the child and your fiancé. I’m not sure of the co-parenting situation, but maybe figure out what really interests the 13 year old. If you’re in the country and your budget can handle it, you could add quads, dirt bikes, etc that would interest a 13 year old. Or maybe just make it a point that he gets one on one time with his father. As a mother of a 13 year old boy myself… they are only interested in what they want to do at that age and they are invincible, let him be a teenager, life is hard enough on all kids right now, give him a little grace.
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