Just keep showing up for him. This is pretty typical for kids his age to start rebelling and this is the easiest target. Give the kid some space to make choices about his autonomy. Would it help if dad picked him up for some one on one activities? He’s going through a wide range of emotions and hormones right now and it is not easy
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I mean this is normal teen behavior. He’s definitely old enough to know whether or not he wants to come. I think dad’s best bet would be to invite his oldest on a day out to do something they can enjoy together. If he wants to spend time with his son he’s gonna have to bend over backwards and stand on his head because teens just don’t want nothing to do with their parents at that age.
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At that age… home is home and packing a suitcase and visiting is different. Child support is not optional, doesn’t matter what or how much is paid. Continue to invite even if it’s off schedule (if mom is ok). Dad may need to just catch up for dinner with him for an hour.
I,d call his bluff.Tell him don’t come but dually ask me for money, stuff for school let his mama get it.And keep all the text treating you with cps.
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Hes every right not to go …hes a teenager…remember that…hes got mates and girls to hang out with…if you treat him like he wants then he might want to spend time with you…his choice at this age …ask his dad what age he was when he wanted to hang out with his mates…not the olds
Sad all the way around. If the divorce was finalized just a couple of months ago his son is probably grieving in some sort of way. You could suggest the two go to counseling to work through what exactly the son is having trouble with and see if it’s actually just bc he really doesn’t want to go over.
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It’s you. You are the issue and the reason he doesn’t want to see his dad. If dad’s divorce was finalized in May,and you have been together for 2 years I can guarantee he blames you for his parents divorce. And he has every right to have those feelings. Why would he want to spend time around your 2 year old that in his mind his dad abandoned him to help raise?
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Oh my gosh. I don’t know what you’re going through, but my best friend and her husband have been going through a very similar situation for over a year now. 
it is absolutely heartbreaking for them, and heartbreaking to watch and hear about. If this wasn’t private I’d put you in touch with her.
They haven’t seen nor spoken to her in over a year now.
I don’t think adding in that your bf pays child support is anything bad. (As some are saying 
, let’s also not forget that divorces can take a long time to finalize) It’s a great thing that they have a parent who is able and willing to help ensure they have their needs and wants. I also don’t think you calling him a brat makes you the evil step mom. All kids act bratty at times. Threatening false accusations is definitely a bratty move. (Same thing with my besties step daughter) she is also the same age as your stepson.
They spoke with their lawyer after she said she didn’t want to come back and what to do about the threatening of the false accusations. She also said to put up cameras If it was something they were concerned about, and that I’d she didn’t want to be there, their time with her would be miserable for everyone. They decided not to force the issue.
I wish you all the best of luck! I know it cannot be an easy situation. 
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That kid just don’t like you because he’s probably thinking your the reason his parents got divorced. I know I would if my dad was with a girl for 2 years and just divorced my mom. Maybe he should have had them every weekend so he could actually bond with his kids instead of every other weekend, that’s not really spending time with your kids. And of course he’s paying a lot, because he barely sees his kids. And the way you talk about them like they are just a financial burden and calling them brats is just disgusting. The kid is 13 and your house is probably boring, most city kids don’t like country life. I believe there is a lot more to this story that your leaving out so you don’t look bad but you already look terrible.
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The kid sounds like an asshole, sign him over 
At 13 you can speak up about where you want to live. Unless she is a crack head and unfit courts will let him decide. My husband’s 13 year old decided to live with us full time last year
He’s a teenager no teen wants to be stuck in the country with nothing to do, also since he’s a teen he can also request in court to not see you at all, this whole situation is between him and his parents 
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At this rate, making him come over will only make things worse. While young teens can form their own opinions and are definitely entitled to how they feel, I feel like someone is feeding him lines about signing rights over cps and all that; either that or he’s been busy on Google. What kid or young teen says that? That means he doesn’t want anything to do with dad, and that’s sad. I would continue to make sure he knows he is welcome anytime he wants to come over. I would also suggest dad taking the oldest out alone for lunch and a movie or something fun that they could both bond over and enjoy. Best of luck for everyone involved.
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Petition for a reduction in support and all 13 yr olds have better stuff to do it comes with that age. Try and plan age appropriate stuff for him and include him. Like paintball or movies something that makes him feel more grown up at 13 hes moving into that akward stage
He is a teenager they rather girlfriends/boyfrienda and friends i had 3 step kids they were in teenage years now two or above 18
I would stick to the court ordered visitation if he’s supposed to be there every other weekend he should be there and maybe when he is there find something fun that he wants to do and I would sit down and talk with him and ask him why he is saying those things because chances are someone else might be putting it in his head I’ve been going through a very similar situation so keep your head up because I know it’s rough
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So he’s 13, You’ve been with his dad for 2 years and his parents just divorced in May of this year? I wonder what could possibly be making him not want to come. (Sarcasm) He’s old enough to see and make sense of what’s going on around him. Let him make his own decisions on where he wants to spend his time, and maybe don’t sit here calling him a brat, he’s a TEENAGER. Do yall really not remember being 13? Why would he want to go somewhere he associates with being boring over being able to spend time with his friends? Especially when the reason he doesn’t want to be there, is more then likely you.
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His divorce was just finalized in May and y’all been together? Girl I see why he doesn’t wanna be there. He more than likely doesn’t like you, I see why. Mind your business! Not your child. He has every right to feel how he feels.
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Tell him he’s welcome always, text him how much you love him, how’s his week going always. Don’t feed into his negative texts. Ride this stage out. It’s hard but you will get thur it.
If the oldest one don’t want to come over leave him with mama.
He’s 13. That is the age where kids want to be hanging with friends. You can’t expect him to enjoy being in the country bored with nothing to do. He’s telling his parents (dad) how he feels and it’s not being understood or respected.
Kids have feelings too and he could be going through something since the divorce is recent.
Instead of getting hurt, mad, offended take the high road. Approach the issue in a calm & understanding manner. Tell the child it’s okay not to visit unless he wants to and that he is always welcomed.
Stop worrying about how much child support is paid and take the child’s feelings into consideration. Plus he’s 13, so he’s old enough to make a statement in court about visitation and his feelings.
How you handle this now will matter later in life and determine the relationship. If the dad pushes for visitation against the child will. He will most certainly ruin the relationship.
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Purchase things for him to play with. Take him places, play games. If all you’re doing is sitting in the house I’d feel the same way.
And don’t force him to come if he doesn’t want to if you don’t have anything to do with him
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Everyone tells you about the terrible 2’s nobody warns you about the terrible 13’s:see_no_evil:
That was literally the worst year with my otherwise well behaved extremely well mannered son!! He even asked my sister if he could come live with her beacuse he was scared I would hurt him:see_no_evil:
The little brat had never gotten a beating from me in his life though I did come close that day with the utter cheek of what he was saying. I think it’s the fugly time looks and attitude wise:stuck_out_tongue_winking_eye: I just ignored his ridiculous requests, told him I was the parent and did take away privileges as punishment when he was being bratty, luckily we both survived the year and he is now 17 and an amazing young man. There was also some family issues at the time so he was also acting out about that, you mentioned the dad’s divorce was finalized a few months ago maybe he is still processing that. What kept me sane that year was setting firm boundaries, looking for opportunities to reward his good behavior and ignoring the bratty stuff as much as I could, it was challenging to say the least!! It’s the age where they will test boundaries and see what they can get away with, as parents we have to just keep those boundaries firm and punishment & rewards consistent. Good luck:pray:t3: sending lots of love to you & your family:purple_heart:
His whole life is turned upside down and he has no control. Be patient.
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The child support thing baffles me because that’s literally the bare minimum you can do as a parent 
. He’s a teenager and if he doesn’t want to come with you guys he shouldn’t have to. Does it suck for dad yes it does but its life. If he still wants to have a relationship with his son he’ll have to make time to do that by talking calmly and rationally to his son. Kids say things when they are upset so be the calm. Let him know he’s always welcome and leave it at that.
Leave him alone. He’s a teenager. He wants freedom to hang with his friends and stuff. He shouldn’t be forced to come over then he will resent you both. I have step kids 12 and 9 and sometimes they say they don’t wanna come for the weekend because they have plans with friends or just wanna be home or whatever, we never make them, and they know we are always here and wanna see them and they can come anytime they want to. Honestly once kids are teens they stop spending much time with their parents even if they live with them lol. My 16 year old is in his room or with his friends half the time. You have to give them some space to do what they want, they are people too, growing into adults. The dad should talk to him to see if there is a reason besides being bored in the country. See if he will agree to skip a visit and come the next or something. Starr spending time doing stuff to entertain him when he is there. And child support has nothing to do with visits either, that is to support the kids in his absence from being in their life full time.
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Sounds like his mother is putting crap in his head! I don’t think I would fight with the boy over it. Just to be safe I would document everything and take it to court if need be!
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hes at that age where he probs wants to be with his friends instead i didnt read the full post just the top part xx
He’s a teenager, he probably wants to see his mates, watch crap on TV etc. Country life will be boring to him. Dosnt mean he wants to not see his dad, just not as often as younger ones do. Maybe he seems you as reason his parents split up etc. He’s at a hormonal time in his life. Leave the kid alone. As for full custody issue. He may resent fact your trying to take him away from his mother. Unless she’s unfit, why would you want to
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I got to choose through my parents divorce, at 11 where I wanted to live full time, when I wanted to see my dad, and if I wanted to see him at all. Most of the time I chose not to see him. I was never close with him and he usually worked out of town/state so it wasn’t a big deal for me to not see him. I feel like he is definitely old enough to decide if he wants to come there. And honestly, I wouldn’t MAKE him do anything he doesn’t want to. He will resent his parents 100%. No one likes to be told they HAVE to do something. Honestly, as much as it sucks to see your fiance hurting, let him and the mom deal with it. If he continues to force him to come, he will pull further and further away from you guys
You’ve been with your fiancé for 2 years, his son is 13… maybe your fiancé wasn’t the type of father you view him as in your sons eyes. And his parents divorced was just finalized, he’s probably struggling with a lot of different feelings. & from the sound of your post you seem to feel as if the teenagers feelings are BS anyways which in turn I can understand the 13 year old not wanting to be there. You need to take a step back and try to be more understanding and less judge mental of a child going through a rough time.
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He doesn’t even like coming over for visitation. Why do you think trying to get full custody will make things better? I don’t see why you even brought up child support. He’s their dad. He needs to help support them regardless. Maybe dad should try to spend some quality time with the oldest and try to figure out why he doesn’t like coming over. There’s probably some other reason. Divorce can be hard on kids. He might just need some time. It’s also weird that you’ve been with his dad for 2 years, but he just divorced his ex this year. The child might blame you for destroying his family. Figure out the issue and work on fixing it. Forcing the child to spend more time being somewhere he hates, will not fix anything.
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I was once 13, parents were in the same boat (little different I wasn’t a brat)
As someone who didn’t really want to go to my dad’s house don’t make him🤷♀️ he’s 13 don’t feed into the negativity just tell him “Fine have it your way” and cut him off for a bit let him see how it feels.
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Whew, stay out of it.
Legally, you can’t make him come BC most states, at age 12, the child can decide.
The dad, should sit doen and have an honest conversation bc I guarantee it’s not about “country life”, the child is missing something when he visits. Dad should find a compromise, if possible.
Usually, kids out grow it but pls, momma, stay out of it.
Maybe start by getting out of it. You are too busy am wondering what part you played in the failed marriage?
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Sounds like he is reacting to the divorce and the new relationship. I would try to communicate and encourage him to share his feelings. He may not be used to that, hence the acting out.
I was angry when my parents divorced and started a new relationship. No one told me anything. All of a sudden there was a new woman and she was not my my mother. I was not very happy about it, let alone nice to her….
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First of all child support is not a payment to see the kids.
Second you can’t force a child to come to your place at age 13. It’s likely just a moment in time and will return to them wanting to be there. Strong arming will cause push back which will lead to a more distanced relationship.
Third…full custody all of sudden? Ridiculous.
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I have 2 now grown step daughters… the father needs to be taking the 13yo on dad and me trips… its VERY important… not just chilling at the house…
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Maybe he wants his dad and you to show you care by begging and pleading for him to come visit or he may genuinely not want to come over it’s so hard to tell what’s going through a hormonal teenagers head, and who knows maybe there’s a girl involved that he’s not wanting to move or be away from
Sorry but at 13 yrs, he’s changing and forcing him to spend time with you so only make him resent you. Why don’t you invite him when you do bigger things… big family BBQS, water parks, birthdays, maybe even tell him he can have friends over for a gaming party or whatever he’s in to but give them space, it’s just that age.
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Wow…I can’t believe you’re mind blown by a teen being a teen and yet, you dont see how you’re being a complete pain to him. The way you’re acting is childish. Let the child be and see him when he wants to.
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Why would you tell the father to put his foot down and force him to go to the visit? You have absolutely no right, he also has a right to choose or not if he wants to go visit, forcing him made everything worse, I’d say dad better start spending some quality time with his son and you should probably stay out of it
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Make him later he will appreciate it also your needed to teach him that every thing is not about him if left alone he will try to start finding more and more excitements which lead to trouble put your foot down now
Don’t worry it’s an age thing I have been there many times
Hes a teenager and all his friends are by mom its just a thing kids go through also I would definitely sit him down and talk to him because cps is no joke
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Get the other kids and leave him out. He’ll see how lonely it is by himself eventually. At that age I feel every kid goes thru something similar. Also tell him if his behavior changes he’ll get a reward. (Xbox) or a fun time out (maybe just him and his dad) like I said I also just think it’s the age he’s at
He has probably discovered girls.
Sounds like normal teenager behavior. It will pass, don’t press to hard but always offer and ask him over. Maybe him and dad need some one on one time! Plan a fun trip or something
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Ruben Martinez read some of these comments. Reassures me we are doing the right thing with the kids. Even though it sucks.
The poor 13 year olds life has completely changed only recently, and you’re expecting him to have an adult response to it. I also really don’t like how you’re speaking about your step son. Kids pick up on that. His child support to his children is obviously needed and necessary since he isn’t very involved in their life. And as the child is 13, I’d support and respect his wishes to be where he wants to be. As even the courts take his opinion into consideration.
I bet if you took an earnest look at yourself, your husband and the effort, kindness and compassion you’re showing him, it may not be as welcoming as you think it is.
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My husband had 3 sons from a previous marriage when we met. They lived with us most of the time, but after about 18 months they came to live with us full time. When we had our two daughters together the youngest became very resentful and chose to live with his mom. After about 2 years he came back. He may just need his space and time to process things. We NEVER forced any of them to see their mother nor made him visit us. We moved across the country and all 3 boys followed us. We all have a great relationship now. Just be patient and let him make the moves when he’s ready.
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Kinda sounds like me as a kid. Lol.
Just keep inviting him over, but don’t force him. He will come around on his own eventually.
Just step back…think like a 13 yr old! In his mind your the issue the divorce just finalized and dad isnt there 24/7 every other weekend hes sharing his time with 3 other kids and you! He is allowed to be angry and resentful…his dad paying child support is neither here or there! Its not cheap to raise a child so he is paying to help raise them! Maybe time for dad to do some solid one on one dad and son time…its not ideal to you to have the 3 kids alone with yours as you said you will need help! You knew what you where getting into…his kids are pretty close to teens so pretty self sufficient…so imo its alot of negativity and resentment as well as anger and hurt feelings…time to reevaluate the situation…
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Forcing him won’t work. Maybe try something simple first like asking him what he likes and plan something fun for him for when he comes. Maybe something for dad and the boys so they can bond on a different level. Maybe even just him and dad alone a few times. Give the kid something to look forward to. Speaking from experience, it’s usually the oldest who takes these situations the hardest.
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Sounds like the 13 yr old might blame his dad for the divorce?
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it does not matter how much he pays in child support. It does not mean he is “owed” something in return. Child support isn’t buying time with your children, it’s making sure they are taken care of
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the boy is a teenager now, no amount of “putting your foot down” is going to make him want to spend time with his father. In fact, it will likely do the opposite.
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don’t expect him to have an adult response to his parents splitting up. Be patient with him and let him come to his father. The more you push him the more he will want to fight it
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you’ve been with him for 2 years and already engaged to a man who JUST finalized a divorce 5 months ago? Already doesn’t sound like the man is that healthy in relationships to begin with. It’s not healthy to jump from one long term relationship right into another. Unless you’re the reason why the marriage ended…. Which 13 might also think…. It’s not that out there of a thought…. His parents split and almost immediately there is another woman taking over his mothers role……
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Both of his older two are old enough In most states to have a say where/who they want to live, so if one doesn’t want to come then don’t force him. But dad can still file for full custody and see what happens. If mom isn’t unfit the oldest may end up staying with mom and the other 2 can come live with yall. It’s most likely his age. They think everything is boring…and everything is dramatic.
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You know what pisses me off about alot of these people’s comments?.. it’s how condescending they are. People come here for advice, and y’all be acting all high and mighty. 
You cannot force a child to be over there he is at the age where he can decide what he wants to do . To some city kids country life is boring. U stay in the step mom place leave that child alone
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Don’t force it. Forcing it only makes it worse for the kid, & I speak from personal experience. Ik as a parent it’s hard to have your kid tell you he doesn’t want to come stay with you, but maybe y’all can find a solution, like taking him out for dinner every Friday, something that gets you the time without making the kid upset.
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What do you do? You leave them alone. If they dont wanna come over for 4 whole days a month… Leave them alone. How he gonna go from every OTHER weekend to full custody??? Thats crazy talk. Obviously mom is doing fine with them or he wouldn’t let them stay there in the first place… Rediclous.
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Don’t fight it, but don’t cut him off. Reach out weekly and invite him to spend time as a family. Separately dad needs to initiate some father son dates. Just the two of them. This age is super tough and they are not happy about much. Keep the contact going. He will come around eventually. But it may take time.
Always remember, it’s a parents job to maintain, nourish, energize the relationship. Not the child’s. Good luck. All of us divorced parents with pre teens have been through this. You will get through it.
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First of all… He is obligated to lay child support regardless if the child wants to see him or not. So no sympathy on that part. He had a part in creating that boy too. 2nd of all, that child is under no obligation to come visit. If he don’t want to, then he don’t have to. He is dealing with a lot. Y’all are the adults, he is a child. Stop acting like he is a brat and work with his mom to help him deal with whatever hurt he is going thru.
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The dad and the 13yr old should meet for dinner once a week instead. Quality time together might make him come around.
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He’s a teenager with his own interests and friends now. It’s normal for them to want to be home and doing things with friends. Don’t stress so much. Let him have his space. Since your boyfriend only divorced in May, this boy hasn’t had time to deal with his parents divorce let alone another woman and toddler being in the picture. Give him time.
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And speaking from experience, you “putting your foot down” will cause problems you do not want. I was in that 13 yr old boys shoes once.
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Child support isn’t a payment to see/have time with the kid. That’s not how it works.
He is 13 and clearly dealing with a lot of big changes in his life. Whether the divorce is recent or not, teens often don’t like going back & forth between homes, regardless of how they feel about their individual parents, because they tend to have all or most of their friends in one area, not the other.
If you live out in the country, I bet he doesn’t get to see any of his friends when he’s there. Do you realize teens generally have more interest in spending time with their friends than their parents? It’s pretty normal, really.
You really need to turn on your empathy switch, and make an attempt at seeing things from his point of view. Stop making it about what you and your partner want, and start considering how your stepson actually feels. Forcing him to spend time with you guys, or even to live with you guys, isn’t going to help anything, it’s likely to just make him even more resentful.
Unclench and relax. Give him some space to sort out his shit; he’s a human being, not a piece of property.
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Uuuhh wait tf a min… why does your man feel he needs to take the kids from his mom? … theres so much wrong going on here…
That 13yo is most likely angry you both want to do that. If the 13 doesn’t want to be at bf visits you can’t get anything good out of forcing. The text of him hurting him is more than likely bc there’s talk of taking them! Kids not only want and love both parents- they need them!
At 13 if he’s bored there let him make his choice.
And STOP trying to control those kids esp over there mom! Wow SMH
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Counseling. Realize he’s repeating what the bio mother is saying if it isn’t ACTUALLY her in the first place. He’s not abused and there’s no proof of abuse so he should get at least 50/50. The judge WILL tell the oldest and the mother that it doesn’t matter how boring he says it is the CHILD is still obligated to go. The father can file contempt for every time the CHILD does not go and I advise him to do so to show he’s not messing around.
The older son is at an age where you are right you can force him to come but it will just make things worse, lies will be spread cps could get involved.
My best advice, let him know that your door is always open to him, even if he doesn’t want to come now, if he ever changes his mind the door is open to him.
Continue to invite him to come over, but don’t force it.
Make him feel a part of your life, even if he is decided he doesn’t want to be. Because he is a moody teen who is going through the divorce too.
There is probably resentment towards not only the dad. But you as well.
And you can’t change that immediately especially while going through puberty.
He probably just wants to hang out with his friends and do stuff where he is able to have that freedom, and out in the country, it’s his younger siblings and your little one that he also probably even resents.
When I was younger my parents went through a divorce.
I have a wonderful step dad with 2 children as well. And they hated that we got their dad all the time we stole him from them, and those feelings were made worse by their mother who most likely was agreeing (not saying that’s the case with your stepsons mum, but it can also be a part of why he is even mention the hurting thing)
My step brother has just come back into our lives, and is repairing from the damage that was made.
And he came because he wanted to,
But at the end of the day, although the dad misses his kids. One kid is hurt obviously about the divorce, and the fact that his dad replaced their mum that fast.
And it can be hard to see watching your parent live someone who isn’t your mum.
Remember, he is a child. Who just lost his dad full time and is probably angry and confused.
All while your two yearold sees him all the time as well.
It’s not just as easy as you teo falling in love and the rest should be how you expect it.
There is damage that needs to be repaired between the dad and his obviously. Which could easily be even the dad asking if his eldest son if he wanted to come out to spend time with just his dad.
If the other two have adjusted that’s great! But one is struggling which means he needs that extra help to be able to feel like your home could be a home or safe spot for him.
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Wyd ??? Wtf is wrong with you do not force a child to be somewhere he doesn’t want to STAY OUT OF IT
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I have 2 boys 15 and 14 from a previous relationship. My husband and I married August 2020. in May of this year we got sole primary custody of his 12 year old son. I’m also currently 3 months pregnant. We live in the country as well. His behavior is normal… he’s 13, seriously what is there to do in the country at 13 with no friends? Of course he’s bored! The younger ones can find stuff to get into and explore… he’s 13!! That phase past awhile ago. He’s telling you exactly how he feels and instead of respecting his feelings, you are basically saying get over it and do what I want. He’s telling you he’s bored, and uncomfortable and doesn’t want to be there. And you want to force him because it’s what you want. I’ve read this to all 3 of my boys, your behavior is making it worse. He’s 13, his parents divorce was JUST finalized. He’s has a lot of changes going on. And he’s been telling you what the problem is and instead you are calling him a brat. And yes he threw CPS in your face! Can you blame him!! YOU Are Not Listening to him!! You seem to have an issue with the 13 year old by your comments above! He’s 13- not an adult!! Put yourself in his shoes and stop ignoring and forcing him. You will drive him away from his father. Honestly, if my kids were in that situation as a Mom I wouldn’t send any of my 13 year old until you stop ignoring his feelings! CPS could actually classify it as emotional neglect. Good luck. But, in our opinion. Back off of the 13 year old, give him time and space with his Dad! Without you present because you just disregard his feelings and pleas. Let his Dad handle it. Dad does not need to put his foot down. That will drive him away. Dad needs to listen to his son! Let him bring a friend when he comes to visit. And he says he doesn’t want to come because you’ll hurt me… look at your words above… you already are hurting him… I don’t blame him for not wanting to visit. And I think Mom shouldn’t make him go either. She needs to have his back because it doesn’t sound like you or Dad does from above. I know it’s long, sorry but this really made me mad. He’s not an adult and your treating him like his is… so sad for him!
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maybe he is angry and blames his dad and wants to be with his mom
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So because mom and dad got divorced and the court ruled child support based on income you’re gonna torture everyone in the house with a 13 year old that doesn’t want to be there to get your husbands moneys worth?
Wth?
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In the eyes of the court system 14 is when the kids are able to make their own decisions for whether or not they want to go
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Don’t make him come. He’s old enough to make that choice.
Dad needs to stop trying to force it. All he is doing is making it worse and pushing his son away. He’s old enough to decide. Let him know he is welcome whenever, keep inviting him. But don’t get noticeably mad or upset when he declines.
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The oldest boy is old enough that if you go to court for full custody, the judge will deny it because he is old enough to decide who he would rather stay with. If he doesn’t want to spend time with you then leave him alone. His dad can deal with it on this own, all he needs to do is remind his son that he is there for him and you need to stay out of that conversation. If the other kids want to live with him full time then he should try to get full custody of them, but leave the oldest alone because the more you push the issue the farther you’ll push him away
I wouldn’t force him to come. That’s just going to ruin his relationship with his dad. Instead why not have his dad take him out for lunch or dinner every other weekend. So he still gets to see and spend time with his son. I agree with others 13 year olds want to hang out with their friends.
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He’s a 13 year old boy, trust me this is normal. He’s getting his independence and life. I get your fiance misses him and wants to spend time with him but sadly you can’t force the kid. What if the two of them just go out together for some one on one time?
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Oh I feel your pain!! Having lived thru a similar child I understand where u are coming from. I did everything in my power to give the kid a voice but nothing worked. So my advice is to let the kid go. Maybe dad can take him to dinner of fishing or something to spend time with just him. But since he’s already knowing how to play the game it won’t get better. He will play it for all it’s worth!
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That’s sad , must face the fact that he might not ever want to be there ! So for your safety and safety of All the other kids let the mom take care of him !!!
Or give him a good ol fashion talkin to about respect
For one he needs too tell the oldest lying is not ok and the 13 years old can make his own choices.
If he feels that way then give him his way sometimes it she’s to give in then just give up or try asking him what can make it funner for him and more better
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It’s his job to pay child support. He chose to have children and he knew what to expect in process. And second, those are no longer children but pre teens. With emotions. And voices of there own. My son loves his father but he likes being at home with me, he’s my mama’s boy and he has friends/life of his own. And his dad understands that and is patient and they both have mutual respect for each other and love each other. Sometimes love needs to be patient. Teenagers need patience. Butttt if my son ever told me he thought his dad would hurt him or said anything like that I would be concerned. If his children are making this up, there has to be a deeper reason as to why. That isn’t normal. And taking children from the mother, when these kids already don’t want to be at dads will NOT help!!
This father needs to work on fixing his relationship with his children, talking to them with love, patience and understanding, and if it comes down to it, taking them out to dinner once in a while or a movie night. Small things to help rebuild a relationship. Who cares about the child support. Dad won’t get custody if the kids don’t even want to be there and he will LOSE his children’s respect if he even tries to take the kids from the one place they want to be, with mom. Where they have friends. School. Lives. Teenagers are busy! These are little adults we are talking about that have very big and strong emotions right now.
My son turns 13 on 18th and he is honest and open with me about everything. As his mother he knows I have his best interest at heart and I am his rock. And he confides in me. Every conversation I am kind, patient, and I listen to him. My son is very honest, kind & polite. I know not every child is the same. But please hear me out. This dad needs to make some steps to just getting to root of problem and fixing a relationship with these teens while he can.
If they don’t want to visit, remind them they are loved, the door is open, it always will be. Getting upset and angry and forcing a relationship will ruin it.
They need Life lessons. And chours. Watch the robert redford movie w him Jlo and morgan freeman. Good move
Can’t make the kid want to spend time with his dad by forcing him too… That will only lead him to hate his father…he’s upset and decided to stick up for him momma… what little boy wouldn’t right?
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Well what can you guys do to make it fun ? Like activities? Shoooot even video games 
The joys of teens
I wouldnt force him …even if it hurts Dad…its normal teenager behaviour.
Keep in contact with him. Include him in outings he might enjoy…but let him go home afterwards. Let Dad take him out aline occasionally if thats what he would prefer
Its important he knows he’s loved and more than welcome but you’ve accepted hes growing up and may not want to come all the time
Id sort out that lying though before it gets out of hand
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You don’t pay child support in exchange for visits. Child support is to allow the primary parent to provide for the needs of the children. If you want to continue to have the kids for visits as they become teens, you are probably going to have to collaborate with them on fun things to do…invite them to have friends over, go to sporting events or concerts. Cookouts, pets, video games, hunting, dirt bikes, shopping or movies. Just hanging out away from thier things, thier friends, and thier interests is going to loose appeal as kids get to an age where friends are more important than parents.
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That’s one less kids for to to care for, yet the brat stay where he is…iswis
Don’t force him to go there if he doesn’t want to. As unfair as it is to his dad, forcing him will only cause more resentment.
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At 13 he’s not wanting to come because he’s 13 and forcing him too will only push him away. I also want to add paying “so much” in support is his job as a dad. He doesn’t get brownie points for doing it it’s literally his responsibility.
Parents whose children live with them tell them they are boring too because at 13 all they want is to be carefree and play with friends.
I also want to add he just got the divorce finalized in May so this child is still adjusting to his parents divorce. This doesn’t sound like a dad issue but more an issue with the son seeing YOU as the reason his parents are divorced. He’s a child and he needs counseling but I also feel if this man was some great father he would of allowed his children more time to process the dissolution of their parents marriage than rushing into a relationship living environment with you. Especially since you’ve lived two years with a married man. As someone whose dad did this I never liked “that” woman either.
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This kid is 13 years old he’s a teenager now. Their whole world changes at that age. They want to hang out with their friends, that’s the norm. Trying to force him to come in my opinion is the wrong way to go about it. He is going to start to make things up because he feels you don’t understand him. I would just carry on with the others. If your partner wants to go for full custody just be there to support him the best you can.
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The oldest boy sounds like a typical teenager trying to figure things out. Don’t force things. Plan activities he can enjoy, and give him time. Talk to him. Let his dad take him on daddy-son trips. There’s always one that pushes back. Love and patience that’s all you can do. Don’t lose your peace at home, stay true, and focus on enjoying the other ones. They need you sane.
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He’s 14 he wants to be with his friend. He’s in a selfish age where everything Is him.
Don’t force him to come.
Just have dad always tell him he’s welcomed and make him feel welcomed when he comes. That’s all you can do. Ignore the hateful messages.
Teenagers are assholes.
We have a similar problem with our middle, the one that cost the most a month in support, refuses to come and tries to make dad exclude the rest for spending time with only her and one other (he doesn’t allow it) he will spend time just the two of them but not him and two kids (we have 4) . We just offer time, if she wants she comes if she doesn’t then she doesn’t get to do the fun things we have planned. She says she isn’t interested in the things we do that it is boring, everyone else enjoys it. We have done everything possible to cater to her wants but so far nothing has worked. Good luck to y’all hope it works out but we know how heartbreaking it can be for them to act that way.
Don’t force him.
Tell him he’s welcome any time and if theres something he would like to do he can ask and y’all can try to do it for all of them.
But if he’s gonna go that far just because he doesn’t wanna go, I wouldn’t push it.
Because if he’ll go there next thing he’ll do is actually call cps and say y’all are abusing him. I wouldn’t chance losing all the kids because of a single one being like that.
Yea…we went through that. A 3-4 year old was so spoiled on video games by his mother that he didnt want to come over because we actually played games and go outside so we wouldnt let him on the Xbox all day…its a shame.
You got me kinda stumped at “he pays so much support a month for the kids.” Umm he pays what the court says because his kids eat, need clothing and roof over their heads… perhaps that’s why he wants to get full custody so he doesn’t have to pay! as to the 13 yr old why force him to come over? Maybe the dad should take him out to do fun stuff on a Saturday. This is exactly why my husband and I tell our 25 yr old daughter not to date men with kids…
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