The more you push the more he won’t want to come - he’s a teen it’s a very tough age - he wants to be with his friends etc - let him be for now he’ll come around!
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Think about this through the eyes of a child for just a minute. Divorce is hard on adults, can you imagine that pain, anger and confusion in the head of a 13 year old going through puberty? His whole world has been flipped around and you are getting upset with him because he can’t communicate these feelings with you? Adults can’t even properly communicate their feelings. Have you tried being understanding to his emotions? Talk to your husband about getting him a therapist. There’s a lot more pent up anger in that little boy than I think any of us can understand and it needs to be addressed. He is a child, not an adult and sometimes it’s good for kids to be bored. It engages their imaginations, but this goes beyond just being bored, he needs to know you guys are in his corner and you aren’t there to replace his mom but to be another person in his corner that loves him and cheers him on.
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Maybe if he’s bored, ask him if he’d like to invite a friend over with him for the weekend or something. However, attempting to force him is gonna cause him to act out in a more negative way. Also, I believe in most states- children can choose at the age of 12 which parent they want to live with. Don’t give up, keep trying other avenues. Ask him what he thinks some things may be that he’d like to do… & If he isn’t into “country living” and it’s boring to him, then DAD is gonna have to make time to spend with him one on one doing something his son wants to do.
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just leave him alone. make time to go out to eat with him or take him to an arcade. dad and son time and family time too. if he doesn’t want to go you shouldn’t force him
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While he’s investing in child custody request a Guardian Ad Litem for the kids. The person is basically a voice for the kids the oldest will speak with him or her and they can weed out the BS. They will ultimately decide the best placement for them. Sounds like he is acting out tbh. Could be more going on at moms he don’t know how to bring up. Kinda sounds like he wants to see if Dad will fight for him. Or maybe he ultimately just needs some tough love. Prayers up. Teenage boys are a handful.
Try asking him what he would like to do so he wouldn’t feel so bored. Forcing him will just make him hate you. He’s 13, his priorities are friends and hanging out not parents.
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If he doesn’t want to come he shouldn’t have to. Honestly I think you need to let him and his dad deal with it.
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Hes old enough to make some decisions for himself. Don’t force him if he doesn’t wanna go
Maybe sit down with him and ask him what’s so boring besides just being in thr country side. Ask him if he has any reasonable requests to make being there more “fun” for him.
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First, your fiancé paying child support has nothing to do with the kids wanting to come see him or not… he had children and doesn’t have them full time, he should pay child support. Second, is your step son a homebody? Does he have anxiety ? Being 13 he is going to have opinions about things, forcing him to go will make him resent you guys… has his dad tried taking just him to dinner and really have a heart to heart talk about why he doesn’t want to go? I mean at 13 you have to take his feelings and why he is making the decision not to go into consideration…
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Well, his son is only 13 so the stuff that he is saying is pretty typical and I wouldn’t take it to heart. Maybe he is jealous of your relationship with his dad and y’all’s life together so instead of coming to your house to witness it, he rather just not come at all. And, by saying that he feels your husband should sign his rights over, implies his jealousy and a scream for attention. He needs counseling and maybe family counseling for all of you all to get to the root of the problem.
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Dad should say ok whatever you want I love you but no I won’t sign rights over whenever you want to come , come your always welcome. Dad has other children to focus on instead. The 13 year old is being a typical brat and trying to cause issues. Don’t let it bother you guys. Focus on the others make plans at least once a month to do something fun fun and keep going on with life. Hopefully the 13 year old comes around. But demanding it will cause problems.
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Hes 13, family is boring most the time depending on ur plans and mates come first 
maybe a friend could stay now and then too
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Well, he told you the problem and than yall tried to force him anyways. Hes 13. Dad wont get full custody because the child is old enough legally to make the choice.
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So accommodate him, let
him know if he’s comes there you’ll still makes sure he gets to places to hangout with friends or go to sports games or things like that… do the things he likes doing at his moms.
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Let the 13 yr old be, he is at a stage in his life where sense hasn’t kicked in. He will mature, and hopefully come around. Go for custody of the youngest 2, and be happy until things change. Make sure ur fiance gets an attorney and that he starts recording everything that the oldest kid says. Screenshot texts messages, write down conversations with dates. He could also request for therapy for his oldest based on what the kid is saying.
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Record everything he says when, circumstances. Son may need counseling with or without dad.
It is a tough age friends and plans. But he may also be influenced mom, or friends
Tbh I’d let him stay with his mom. Why force it? If he wants to be an a$$hole , then he can stay over there. He’ll regret it one day.
Kids that age have friends do things with friends are growing up. Maybe needs time doing guy things when he comes
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If he’s bored maybe y’all can try doing things he likes and put him into a sport or take him out doors more.
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Get him a dirt bike or 4 wheeler. Made country life fun for my teenage step sons. That’s just surface level stuff though. I was a teacher for many years, and that really helped me when it came to developing a deep bond with my step kids. Thirteen is old enough to have grown up conversations about his feelings and your feelings. It takes time, but creating that bond will be worth it. It’s not always easy being the oldest sibling in a blended family. It would probably help to have some focused attention for him. The most important thing is not to give up. Make sure he knows how much he is loved and how much you want to spend time with him.
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Don’t sign over rights but just let him be honestly. Don’t try to force anything on him because he will resent you guys for that. Does it suck yes but he will come around. Just show him you will let him live his life but you will be there for him when he needs you.
A guardian ad litem is best for this. They speak with the children and decide what’s best for them.
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I don’t blame him for not wanting to be around your ass, they way you are speaking about him. I hope your “fiance” of 2 years that just barely finalized his divorce to another woman 3 months ago DOESN’T get full custody and that HIS son no longer has to go to your house if he doesn’t want to. In some states hes old enough to decide.
The child is 13 and if they are anything like mine. They want to be with friends on the weekend, go to ball games, etc. Let the 13 year old bring a friend over. Buy a four wheeler. Take them to do fun things on the weekends.
When I was a kid, I hated going back and forth. Was always made to go to my dads during holidays and weekends and that’s the times I wanted to be with friends. So they always let me bring 1 friend with me.
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As someone who hated being with my dad and living with him, it was because he hardly spent time with me or paid attention to me and only cared about his wife. So don’t force him to stay with you if he doesn’t want to, there’s clearly a reason he doesn’t want to stay there.
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He’s a teenager. Does he get his way at home? Like do whatever he wants? Are there more rules at y’alls house? Im sorry but he’s 13 and needs to come on visitation. He’s STILL a child and needs to obey rules. It’s different if there was abuse or something at your house so a judge WILL make him go for visitation. As for full custody yall have to prove the mother unfit to usually gain that.
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Almost sounds like their mom is bending their ear…….
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Just let him be. He’s old enough & this is a normal stage. Don’t force him to do anything or he really will hate his dad.
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He is totally at the worst age.Don’t push as he will retaliate more. Enjoy life, it’s to short to be spoiled by a ungrateful teenager.just leave the door open to when he wants to come over
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It almost sounds like he’s acting out because of the divorce. It isn’t his fault. This is a hard time in his life. Plan activities for just dad and kids. Not you. Then blend yourself into the activities as a blended family.
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Give your head a shake. Your totally over reacting. The kid is bored at your house so doesn’t want to be there. Your boyfriend pays support to help support his kids, not for them to visit. The kid will grow out of this, he’s being a normal kid. Sounds like someone else needs to grow up some
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Soooo leave him alone? “He pays so much in support for these kids” is that not what he’s supposed to do? If the kid doesn’t want to come, don’t force him.
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At 13 that boy is old enough to know what He wants to do. Peers are the most important thing to this age. Let Him do as he wants . He’ll come around when He’s ready. Forcing kids at this age isn’t right. Good luck ! Why don’t you plan the kids weekend with what they want to do in mind. If it’s fun at your house the kids will want to come.
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In my opinion the way you talk about your partners son it sounds like you don’t even like him. It’s most likely he’s sensing that & just using the excuse about being bored instead. Also considering his divorce was just finalized 4 months ago & you have been with his dad 2 years he probably sees you as the woman who broke up his parents marriage. Sorry, but when you get with a man that is technically still married with children that’s the risk you take. Children see things differently then adults. While you may feel it’s okay to get with a man who’s separated, but legally still married a child won’t see it that way. They will just see you as the woman who took their dad from their mom. If I were you just leave it alone. If he doesn’t want to come over that then just leave it alone. Anyway hope things get better for you.
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let him stay with his mom…he is testing you to see if you will make a big fuss over him.
he’s old enough just let him be. He’ll probably have a change of heart if left to make his own decisions. Go visit him in other ways than just keeping him for weekends.
Pick your battles with teenagers
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Sorry but something sounds really off about this whole story.
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He’s old enough to decide if he wants to go, or not. You actually sound kinda crazy, maybe that’s why?
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Thinking back to 13 it is a TERRIBLE age. Hormones and emotions are crazy. It probably really IS boring. At 13, forcing him to come over and trying to get full custody when he clearly doesn’t want to be there is not going to work in your favor, it will seriously make things worse in the situation. My fiance has 49/51 (he has 49% custody, but we have him 50/50) and he still pays child support. You guys have these kids every other weekend, of course he pays child support as he should. If he is willing, TALK maybe even have dad go to a few therapy sessions. Make sure he knows he is loved and supported and his feelings and opinions are valid and being acknowledged. That is a tough age, if things are actually healthy and fine in your house he will come around, especially feeling supported. The divorce at that age and having a new feeling will also build those bad feelings.
If he really is just bored, figure out what he likes and try to accomidate. He likes video games? Get a system. He likes art? Set him up with an art area. Sports? Maybe there is something in the community he can do or dad can go play catch with him. If it’s because of his friends being where his mom lives, tell him to invite a friend to come with for the weekend. I frequently brought my best friend to my dads or grandmas in my previous home town. It made it much more fun. He’s probably already going through enough, he doesn’t need an entitled or unpleasant dad/step mom, he needs validation, support and communication.
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Say fine don’t come. He will realise in time
He’s supposed to support his kids. Custody and support are separate for a reason.
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Kids have a hard time with divorce and tend to pick sides. This may be the case.
Or he could just simple not like going to your house. If its being forced on him then he will push back.
If he doesnt want to be at your house, let him stay home. Maybe his dad can take him to lunch or dinner to talk with him/spend time with him.
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Child is over 12. Can decide if they want to have visit or not. Let the kid be. He’s the one missing out.
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He is 13 Years Old so if he doesn’t want to come over you can’t force him however, if it’s a sudden change then, I would be more worried about he’s biological mum using him. She could have lied or he might have heard an adult conversation and had an understanding. If the son knows about the full custody he could be scared of the changes and not seeing he’s mum. Also if he’s mum knows she could be using/bribing him to try and make sure the biological father can’t get full custody.
Is the biological father able to drive to a restaurant near where he’s son lives so they can talk without anyone else around. Meet somewhere the son wants to go too. It could be good just having him and he’s son talk ask what’s worrying/upsetting him and come to a compromise.
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What does paying child support have to do with the son going to your house? Just because he doesn’t want to go to your house doesn’t mean he shouldn’t be supported. Leave the kid alone.
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He’s a teenager, he’s going through a lot as it is and clearly isn’t taking the divorce as well as the other kids. Find a way to be supportive of what HE wants while still making the necessary adult decisions. He just needs more love than thes gonna be willing to accept. Teenagers suck sometimes, but so does the shit they go through 
Make sure dad stays in touch by phone. No pressure to come , just that he loves him, and to just let you guys know when he" wants" to come. I know Dads feelings are hurt right now, but the more you react the harder it will be to come back when hes ready. Hes 13. He has friends and stuff to do on the weekends . It’s kind of a selfish age for kids at that age.
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Don’t make a big fuss over it. Say fine and let it be.
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These comments… SMH
Kids like to play both sides trying to see what they can get away with. It’s natural.
Level with the kid. Tell him you want him to come visit and that you want to know what he would consider doing to make life more fun when he’s at your house. Tell him it would be painful for his da0d if he chooses not to come anymore. Maybe he’s just testing the limits of love considering post divorce leaves children feeling as though relationships are disposable.
Let him know how devastating it is on his dad and that might help him realize his dad needs him.
Losing a parent at his age even by choice us incredibly damaging to the child. Children need both parents. 2 halves make up their whole. Parents get caught up on their own side of the family post divorce, often forgetting that this child has a whole other side to their family. It’s personal to the child if they hear negative comments. It’s their family. Teach him he can love both parents without betrayal and he will grow in a healthier way!
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As a step parent of 31 years
- he’s not required to like you
- act like you are a friend instead of a prison guard
- speak to him like an adult, not a child
- suggest your partner ask him why and if he doesn’t really like the country, compromise is key.
- is he active in after school activities? That has to be accounted for.
- stay out of it. Have no opinion, even as his wife, you would have no decision in the matter.
- back off your partner, let him vent,
Good luck! It’s hard but if you be a friend instead of a foe you will both be happier, always remember, you will never be his mother
NONE of this was said to hurt your feelings, seriously
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I never forced my daughters, either way. It hurts when your child/children dont want to come visit BUT in my opinion its best to respect the son’s choice than have him resent you for forcing it.
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I think you need to respect how the kid feels. There is obviously a reason he doesn’t want to be there. He’s old enough to decide what he wants to do and if he’s happier with his mom then it is what it is. Forcing the kid to come over is only gonna make
him hate it even more.
Give him space and when he’s ready he will come around.
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Ut the kid some slack you have to realize he’s at an age where he needs to fit inso he doesn’t want to leave his friends he need consistency and to fit in. He probably has a girlfriend he doesn’t want to be away from . Part of being a parent is know when to let do their own thing so they feel they can come to you when they need to
I would take the Mom back to Family Court.
My ex did and he would just drop my daughter off at my doorstep without a word.
Then came the drug and alcohol problems.
I made her get a job at 16 yo and she stopped doing drugs and hanging out with losers.
Then tell him not to come. Dont force a child to go visit if he doesn’t want to. Just have fun with the kids that do come.
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13 is a rough age. Especially with divorced parents. My 13 year old has been lashing out at me lately. I would suggest Dad make time for just the 13 year old and spend one on one time with him. Also, find out if there’s something special you guys can do as a family he might have fun with when he comes over. Make your own pizza night/movie nights/bowling. There are tons of ways to entertain teenagers even in the country. Maybe even offer to let him bring a friend once in a while?
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Maybe y’all need to look at the problem not the kid most kids that don’t want to visit the other family is because their be told things I am going through this myself
Too bad… you go where your parents tell you as long as you are underage.
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-He’s not a brat.
-Your fiancée has a right to feel what he’s feeling but a 13 year old doesn’t need to soothe adult feelings.
-His divorce was just finalized… this is a lot for kids to adjust to.
-He’s 13 and the oldest to boot. Developmentally kids don’t want to be cut off from friends and their norms.
-Kid doesn’t want to come and fiancé wants to go for FULL custody? Seems like a super weird, controlling move.
-Child support doesn’t matter in terms of what’s best for the 13 year old.
With all that being said. Can finance try and go have some 1-1 time w/ 13 year old to reconnect? That’s what it’s all about. You all are adults and can take care of your own feelings.
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He is a minor and doesn’t have a true say in visitation. The courts set it and the custodial parent follows it. He pays CS and needs to lay down the rules. His son is old enough to figure out stuff to do so he isn’t bored.
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Honestly he’s probably still upset. He’s 13 and y’all have been together for 2 years. As an 11 year old, when the divorce started he may have had the hopes that mom and dad would work it out and be happy. That’s not an easy age to have your parents go through a divorce. It’s most likely him acting out now that the divorce is final. Give him some time/ talk to him about all the things going on. I’m not sure fully what he and you guys have gone through with this divorce but I can’t imagine it’s easy on a fresh teenager.
At 13 years of age a child can legally say which parent he wants to stay with …just sayin
Hes 13 , his friends are at his mothers house. All his stuff is probably there. Give the kid a break. Don’t force him, unless you want the kid to hate dad and you. Eventually he’ll come. Or work it out with him that he comes once a month and let him pick the days.
The most important thing at this vulnerable age is that a parent has a relationship with their child. A relationship can take many different forms, however in order to improve a fractured relationship the parent needs to connect with the child, validate the child’s concerns or issues and then set about coming to a mutual agreement to move forward. Expecting a child of this age to follow orders while not being listened to or acknowledged is likely to negatively impact the parents relationship with their child.
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Unfortunately he’s at the age where its up to him what he decides
When I was a kid I tried pulling shit like that with my mom, and of course my dad was like that’s your mom your going to see her whether you like it or not. As I got older my relationship with my mom got better, ans were best friends now. My dad has explained to me as the baby momma/ baby daddy it’s your job to support each other. It’s also your job to tell the other parent when they’re dropping the ball.
Also, personal opinion but since when does a kid that age allowed to be in adult business like that. I would definitely try to talk to mom and ask her what good could come of letting a 13 year old make an “adult” decision like that.
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Ok so they have been together for 2 years and he just got divorced in May. And everyone wants to know why this boy has issues. He’s 13 he wants to be with his friends. Not stuck in the weekend with 3 younger siblings. And she says she can’t handle 4 kids. She should have walked away when she knew he was married with 3 kids. My husband had 2 kids when we met. We got married and had 2 more. He worked on weekends. So guess what I had his kids on the weekends by myself. Then I had 4 kids on the weekends while he was working. It was rough at times but I did it with no help. She needs to leave with her child. And this man needs to spend quality time with his kids. Take the 13 year old do some fun things with just him. This child is hurting. And yes child support was high. But we made it work.
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the kids being manipulative to be straight forward, boundaries are going to get pushed his going through puberty etc !
but i would put my foot down and ask him what he would like to do while visiting ,
kids these days are so disrespectful and they get away with it! his basically still a child
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Dad should try spending some one on one time with him. I’m sure the son means something different when he says he’s bored At your house. Teenagers use “being bored” as a universal word for aaallll emotions. I bet he’s feeling emotionally neglected and he’s saying bored to protect his own feelings.
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I am dealing with the same exact situation with my daughter. Her dad is single and let’s her do whatever and makes way more money than I do. She hates it with me. It hurt at first but I have realized a lot is being fed into her head. I decided that I needed a middle person to go to that isn’t family or friend to give advice and help. We just started going to counseling together so I am waiting to see how this goes. Prayers for y’all
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As a child of divorce, let him stay with his mom if he wants too. If they can come to a different agreement do that but honestly don’t make him go house tk house if he doesn’t want to
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As a child of split parents. Forcing the oldest to sit at your house while 3 other kids running around DOES get boring. He probably wants to hangout with his friends. In my mind. Seems like something else is going on here. And I don’t think the dad and son get along very well. He’s old enough to make his own choices about where he’d like to spend his time… Has to be a reason he wants to distance himself from you.
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Allow him to stay with his mom. You pushing him to come there isn’t going to fix anything. You, as stepmom need to step back. Their parents divorce isn’t even a half of a year old. He is probably still processing that and not ready to act like a big happy family with his dad’s soon to be new wife when his mom just stopped being wife. He may come around, but forcing it on him will only make it harder for you to have a relationship with him later. Dad may have moved on emotionally, but that doesn’t mean the kid has. Give him space to deal with his emotions. He is a person too and his feelings matter.
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My oldest step son did this. Unfortunately if he wants to stay with the mom u might want to. As in a couple years he’ll be old enough to decide if he wants to live with his mom. He’s probably A mothers boy and wants to protect and be there for his mom. Also for things being being that’s per the age of 13. All i know is be careful forcing him of that’s ur route. Maybe a have a sit down with mom dad and son to talk about what hes afraid of (ie not seeing mom maybe, changes). My step son had a hard time being away from his mom he choose to fight at school make up things about abuse and finally asked to be in foster care until he was age to choose to be with his mom.
He was afraid of loosing her and unfortunately his mom didn’t help at the time but his dad needs to do one on one things with them. At 13 his interests are way different then all the other kids so unfortunately the dad will need to do something with him… Take em to a movie play a video game hes into or a card game.
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As a step mother myself , i personally would let the father and son handle it and be supportive because right now that is all you can really do . Kids definitely go thru that I’m bored phase like most of us adults do to this day . Try to get on his level and you or his dad can try to take him to do something he likes. Sometimes kids just want to choose what they want to do and maybe he just needs to see that his likes and opinions do matter as well. My bonus kid is 10 and she has her days but on those days her dad and I try to just get on her level and have fun . For example , one day it was raining outside and she kept saying she was bored and I got to thinking what would make this day fun? Well It hit me let’s get our rainboots on and go play in the rain so we got chalk and her toys and just goofed around for a bit. It may seem goofy but they’re kids and sometimes they just need to see us let loose and get on their level it never hurts. Now if that doesn’t help then it could be some personal issues he is going thru and needs time to understand and work out just as us adults do with our struggles.so just love him like he’s your own and roll with the changes.
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Also sounds like hubby needs to get off his ass and find some bonding ideas without you in it ,just man to man tings
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On the cusp of puberty this boy is trying to accept divorce, a new gf and stepkids?? That’s a LOT! Kids say “I’m bored” a lot at this age…mostly because they’re outside their comfort zone and don’t know what the hell they’re feeling! There is most likely some resentment towards this poster and her kids too…to be expected and normal.
Having said all that I believe the children of divorce should spend equal time with each parent where possible. They’ll try to manipulate things to their advantage ( don’t we all?) but I think Dad should insist on his time with his son…and THAT’S the key here. This child needs time with his DAD not time with Dad, Stepmom and her kids! It’s too much too soon. I agree, insist he do come but Dad really needs to spend one on one time with him while he’s there!
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I have been reading the answers this fucked up people gave you!!! Don’t listen to them!!! I’m going to be very petty here 
but I looked at their profiles, they all have the same psychotic eyes 
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It’s too soon for him to be a fiancé! It’s selfish not to allow the kids to process the divorce before having a forced relationship with you! It’s too soon for his kids to have all this going on. He is not bored, he hates having to see his dad with another woman. Divorced kids need support through the loss too. If his divorce was only recently finalized, surely he blames you for his dad not being with him. My advice is to leave that kid alone and be in the background while those kids heal! He is hurt and everything the divorced family does hereafter will be to try to hurt him for as much as he hurt them! “Hurt people; hurt people! “
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Its really sad to see all these wrong ass comments. No wonder the world is shit.
Anyone who thinks a step parent doesnt have an opinion or say about how you approach a family issue, is not approaching any relationships in a healthy way. If you feel threatened by a step parents role in your child’s life, that speaks volumes about your relationship with your kids and your self esteem. Dont project on your kids! Maybe this has nothing to do with dad or the new wife? Maybe this boy is protecting his bio mom from being alone, or feeling abandoned so choosing to stay with her? Maybe the are previous issues with his relationship with dad that has nothing to do with the new wife? Maybe hes just a teenager who wants to have a say in his own life, which youn ger kids dont get the luxury of when their parents get a divorce. There could be so much going, which is why communication and consistency is key. Youre not just deciding where this kid spends his time…its his life! If the boy doesnt come over, dad should carve out time to go spend with just him and work on rebuilding a trusted relationship. From there, they can add step mom and other kids to the outings. Support the kids, support your spouse, communicate and work on it TOGETHER!
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Have either one of you (mainly his father) sat down and had a big kid conversation with him? I mean he’s 13 not 7. What is the time line on how long you two have been in a relationship? I ask because if they just got a divorce and your already engaged that’s a lot for a kid. Also is mom on the same page of encouraging his relationship with his dad? There’s so many questions here and they all play a part.
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Remember this child’s family has been broken apart. I was 11 when my parents got divorced. The parents aren’t the only ones who got hurt the children do too. Please try a little understanding and give him time. This is really not your decision to make. It’s between your fiance and his son.
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Something is wrong with this! There has got to be parts of the story we dont know! Teenagers are vile testy kids. They say things when they are upset or mad. The fact is she knew about him and he had older kids and she married him anyway and a new child got threw in the mix. Thats alot for a 13 year old. It isnt easy in a blended family. Give him some time and let him know you both love him anyway. When he matures a little hopefully he will understand. He still has quite a few years growing up to do. He could also be a little jelous of the new child also.
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I was similar to that. It took my baby daddy to get me to even start talking to my dad again after I have birth. But I was allowed to chose at 14 if I wanted to go see him or not (he NEVER did anything bad to me. Ig I just got a bad feeling where he lived at the time.) Fingers crossed he’ll lean more to “its not really that bad.” Could start like a savings and tell him if he does chores and whatnot, the money is saved up for whatever he wanted, if you’re able to. Maybe ask him if there’s another reason why he doesn’t come around, bc 4 times in 9 months, he’s not giving that place much of a chance.
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Stop forcing a kid to go where they don’t want to go. He’s a teenager. He will come around. Most kids don’t like change. He prob has friends around his moms house and not yours. Let the kid choose where he wants to be. Forcing him to live there full time is horrible
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Trying to take a child away at the age of 13 is completely wrong & it is being vindictive. 13 year old kids do not want to hang out with their parents. Its nothing personal. Maybe your hubby needs to spend some 1 on 1 time.
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I can’t even believe what I am reading. I probably wouldn’t want to come visit either to be completely honest with you. I mean he is 13 years old, his parents recently seperated and divorced, Dad is already engaged to someone else with children involved. His step mom clearly doesn’t like him very much. It sounds like it’s a new house too in the country which can be isolating to some. Also what does the amount of child support he pays have to do with his son visiting? I’d focus on building a better relationship with the son too.
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That’s tough and I’m sorry you’re dealing with it. BUT, it’s also a pre-teen/teenage thing. My oldest stepchild went through a phase where she didn’t wanna come over as much (her siblings are all much younger). What we decided was to continue to invite her over, invite her if we’re going anywhere, etc. If she declines, so be it. We took the “gentle” route, and never forced her. Well now we’re on the other side of it and she wants to be with us and there’s no resentment from forced weekends. Good luck mama!
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Well right now maybe the dad should just have 1:1 time with him outside the house. You can’t force a kid to just deal with it. He keeps pushing the kid he will turn away for good. Maybe that time would show the kid that he is important no matter what. 13 is a messed up age for boys.
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He’s 13, he has reached an age where he wants to spend a lot of his time with friends, which are most likely near mom since he primarily lives with her. Dad needs to adjust to him. What is forcing him going to do? You think that will make him excited to spend quality time together? Dad should be around at every opportunity to support and see his son to show that he still wants to see him but unless dad has something planned like a family gathering, he should let his son be where he wants to be. Also, you make children, you pay child support. Doesn’t matter if you see them. It’s not buying time, it’s financially contributing to the child that you laid down to make.
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I have the best advice you could ever have stay out of it and I said that was the loudest voice I can for you to even think about ripping those three children from their mother and having the father have full custody is absolutely asinine now remember anything he does to her he will do to you if it’s on the other shoe you mind your business you support the 13-year-old in his decisions and you back the hell off if the boy doesn’t want to come for the weekend it doesn’t matter so what about the amount of support he pays for three children in one month that is none of your business
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I was 12/13 when I wanted to stop having to go my dad’s. We lived in the same city. He came to all my games etc. And I could go when I wanted aka when homework wasnt killing me or practices etc. My son turns 12 on Sunday and is at the same point. He plays sports and has a very active social life with me between sports, church, and friends. Having to have to go to his dad’s causes huge fights and melt downs. He misses so many parties or hang out times. His dad only has him when its convenient and will cancel his scheduled weekends regularly which makes planning a nightmare. My son doesn’t want to hurt his dad’s feelings by telling him he doesn’t want to go. He has 2 half brothers there and never gets to do anything with him and his dad which also upsets him. There is 6 year age difference so when brother comes it kiddie land kinda fun versus adult rides.
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Oh no no no. You sound like my kids step mother that thinks she entitled to a decision. Two years you’ve been together? Two? For one, you don’t get to speak about someone else’s children this way. Regardless whether you are married to their father or not. The fact that you and their father think that bc they do not come their that full custody is the answer and the first words out of your mouth was money and what he pays shows the lack of empathy you have for the kids. It’s not about either of you at all. Now you want to see the kids, go for split but you have no right to take kids from a home that they WANT to be in. with the way you speak about these kids, I’m going to assume that you are the issue at hand and why they don’t want to come. You really don’t seem to like them and as a mother that is concerning. a judge isn’t going to give you full custody just bc YOU want it. They will hate you both should you put them in such a position. I hear no attempt to speak to the mother about these issues and unless there is a custody order in place, she doesn’t have to force them to come. The oldest has a voice and neither of you are hearing it. He’s old enough to have a social life and a voice in where he wants to be. At the age of 14, a judge will give him a decision who where he wants to live and a voice in this. It is not your place.
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I would suggest putting ur son in therapy. Maybe he’s holding on to some anger from then divorce. Also just let him be for now. I went through something similar to you. Good luck
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I think your fiancé and his ex need to have a conversation about the situation. Maybe she knows something that could help? If not counseling to get to the root of the issue, maybe he is just bored or going through a phase but it could also be more. He is only 13 and not grown, there should be options if he doesn’t want to stay the whole weekend maybe compromise for one night if that’s possible. It’s a tough situation and you may have to make changes that aren’t exactly convenient for you, without allowing him to walk all over his dad.
I’m so happy to see that you want to be involved and try to make the situation better. I came from a split family growing up and my feelings were never taken into account it was always about the qualms my parents had and was drug through it being the one who suffered. That being said having a teenager is rough but right now is a critical time for him and he has a lot ALOT of changes that were completely out of his control.
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Typical teenager,you’re the step parent ,you can’t do anything specially force a kid…you’re story has a lot of I" and not alot of we"…if he wants to be with mom more. Let him be with mom.
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So…
A. He pays so much money in child support bc that’s his job. Full stop. It doesn’t entitle him to anything.
B. He’s a teenager & teens are ornery. Instead of forcing him to come over, try appealing to him. What would make it more fun for him? If dad really wants to see him, maybe take him to a sports game, movie etc. Just the 2 of them.
C. The fact the child had to being up court is a red flag, on dads part. No child should have to go to those lengths to set a boundary.
D. Respectfully, its his kid, its his business. A year from now y’all could be split up & he moved on to someone else but guess what? He’s still their father. As long as it doesn’t effect your kids, leave them be. Support them, love them, bit don’t get involved. Its not your decision to make.
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The kid is going through the most at such a young age. They do not know why they are angry, but they are. You need to be understanding, or that kid is never going to like you. All teens give this kind of grief. My daughters both hate living here and give us grief daily. Its a teen thing. The kid is probably mad at dad and it isnt his fault.
If the child ain’t getting abused in any way and is just being a typical teenager or listening too much in his moms ears, No the child doesn’t hv a choice, send his ass to his dads wether he likes it or not and leave the attitude!
Don’t please bad behavior. I wana say curse words but I better not lol
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