I’m one of the two oldest from divorced parents. It’s a lot harder than it may seem. Forcing the child to do something they don’t want to to can either make or break that relationship so tread lightly. Maybe see if there is a weekend where JUST the oldest comes to visit and spend quality time with him & see what’s going on and why he may be feeling the way he feels. I used to be the same but with my mom but it was because she wouldn’t let me do what I wanted but my dad did. He may just be being a “brat” because mom lets him do more than dad. Talk to him. He is a person with feelings too.
My daughter hates it at our house also. She also says it’s boring and we live in the country. I get where she’s coming from cuz there is nothing close by to do everything is a drive.
Been with the dude 2 years… but the DIVORCE wasn’t over until May… I’d wanna go be with the other parent too. I don’t blame the kid really.
How good is the relationship with the kids mom? I’d have a conversation with her and then a conversation with the parents and the child to encourage visitation. Its easy to take these things personally, when usually its nothing personal. The child could have something else going on or using "boring " ad and excuse when really theres deeper feelings there. Reminind the child that you love him and want to spend time with him is the best way, instead of getting upset or angry. Full custody would likely further escalate things. If anything, go for more visitation
You’ve really got a lot to learn about teens and parenting in general. When a kid tells you they think they’re going to get hurt you don’t brush it off as them being manipulative holy shyt. Someone needs to actually talk to him and find out what he’s feeling and thinking. If this is your take every time one of them gives you any sort of friction you’re gonna have a really hard time on your hands
Welcome to teenagers maybe ask him what he thinks would make staying thier. not so boring maybe even bring a friend of his along or find out if there is things in town that he might like. Well good luck teens agers are not easy
If he is so bored of the country life then maybe try make it fun for him if possible maybe buy him a four wheeler most teens love that maybe dad and him need to go out just them 2 for a weekend so they can bond and have a real conversation with just the 2 go fishing or camping somewhere
I’d leave the oldest with the mother than and continue with the other 2, very simple then you’d have 3 
The other mother can claim her oldest he can claim the other 2 and if you stay unmarried you can claim yours simple math really you guys will do 
great. Some teenagers are left to their own devises and they think that they got it better due to lack of discipline… respect and of course chores… out here in the real world it’s every man for themselves and nobody loves you like your parents do period.
My boy is going through puberty right now and emotions seems to have flip flopped. And that oldest one is at that age… plus the divorce is still new…I would honestly just give him time. He’s still just a kid, and with all of that going on I’m sure emotionally he’s confused. We all had our teenage angst years lol just back off but let him know the door is always open. Because regardless that’s still his dad, so it should be always open. And I hate to sound mean but you signed up for the relationship that would equal 4 kids….it shouldn’t be an option….and if he hears that…he very well could FEEL like and option. Not trying to be mean but think about how everything feel dramatic when you are that age.
I am the Mom of a 14 year old boy who feels this same way. That kid is too old for a judge to give your fiancé full custody, he’s just wasting money. The child will be asked what they want and why and it could end up backfiring on the dad.
We’ve had similar situations in our house. My fiance has 3 boys, 13, 12 and 5. I have 2 girls 13 and 9. His oldest boy said he hated going to his mom’s every other weekend when me and my fiance got together. About a year later, he’d cry when he had to come home, now it’s a hit and miss. Sometimes he mumbles he wishes he was with his mom and sometimes he just says he doesn’t want to go.
My 9 year old goes with her dad when she wants, as long as he is off work. We have no set schedule, she stays where she wants, when she wants. For a while, she straight up refused to see her dad for a month (keep in mind she is a huge daddies girl). I didn’t force her. Now that she’s started to go back, she would rather be there than here. It breaks my heart but as long as she’s being cared for by both parents, I let her stay when she wants, she’ll come home eventually.
My point is, change is hard for kids. ESPECIALLY teenagers. All you can do is be patient and kind. He probably loves his mom and his mom is possibly upset about it all and he wants to be there to protect her. Yes, kids can be brats, but there is always a reason for acting out. Have you or his dad just tried simply communicating with him daily, whether he is at your house or not?
As for the “more help” comment. Girl, if you knew he had 3 kids, you should have known you’d be busy…I don’t request extra help from my fiance and we have all 5 of our kids more than the other parents and he’s gone 13 hours a day/night for work
Is he really a Brett or is he a young teenager boy in crisis? Tough situation for everybody however you guys so the adults and his brain hasn’t even developed properly yet and he would have raging hormones he would have a very difficult time processing everything he has been through. Feel sorry for you all hope it works out ok.
Shame on you, that child is obviously hurting and you are more worried about him paying child support and calling this kid a brat. You’re an outsider who in his eyes tore his family apart and honestly the way this post sounds you clearly don’t like him and he picks up on that. He’s seen you apparently a hand full of times and he’s not comfortable. Forcing him will only cause more issues for the dad. If he actually gives a sht about his older child he needs to one on one work on their relationship but ripping the oldest life apart with the divorce a new baby who come on, even if it’s not this guy’s it would sure as hell look that way to an outsider expecially a child, a whole new atmosphere, it sounds alot like dad left his mom for you and this new baby so he watched that play out and sees his mom hurt, even under the best circumstances he’d still be hurt. I vote you’re the brat and this child needs counceling or therapy to help him heal, dad needs to accept he may never have a close relationship with his son again… he’s 13, he’s allowed to have his own thoughts and opinions and it sounds like neither of you give two shits what those are.
Let the father and mother handle it. Yeah sure support the father’s decision. But your wrong by putting the child down. It kind of sounds like you don’t like the kid by name calling. Be an adult. Don’t force a child so soon especially if you already feel you can’t handle that little bit of kids. Don’t try and take over being mom so soon. It takes time for adjustments for a child in a situation like that.
I get it about the support comment. If a kid hates you so much and the mom supports you not being in their life then they don’t need your money either. I have a split family as well and it’s tough but not a reason to disown your dad.
Honestly it sounds like he has a problem with your relationship and doesn’t want to be around that. Divorces are really hard on teens. My parents divorced when I was 19 and my mom was with another guy and I wasn’t happy about it. I can’t imagine if I was 13. Don’t force it, he’s not ok with it so leave it be and give him time. Yall also got engaged before he was divorced so yeah I’d be pissed too and wouldn’t want to be around the homewrecker
Maybe when the son comes, dad could spend some 1 on 1 time with him to talk about or do something the kid is interested in. One of the biggest problems my oldest daughter had with her dad, was that he never spent any time with her alone, always with his new wife. Now they go on coffee dates and just talk and it has really helped their relationship to just spend time together with no distractions.
It sounds like a phase. and hes just acting out. trying to hurt your feeling because hes hurting inside. something isn’t right. I was inbetween my mom and dad…and the girlfriends and boyfriends…its just not fun. He would have fun if he would just try. and the important thing is your family and sounds like a close family…Just try to not give in to him. 13 isca tough age.
My mom took care of 5 kids sometimes 7 ranging from teen to babies, she did not have extra help as I was the extra help. My father worked full time to provide for the house and everyone in it. 4 kids and most are able to do things for them self is a breeze.
So does he want to live with his mom? At this age since I’ve been on your shoes I would let him live with his mom unless she does drugs or is unfit. It will cause yaull to fall apart plus to much stress on both of yaull and it will effect the other kids who do want to come. But if something happens to where he did want to start living with you guys id tell him no going back and forth trying to play me and your mom to get what you want. Which is what it sounds like. So if he chooses his mom then he would stay there. But has this boy ever been in any trouble? Maybe he has friends that live close by when he’s at his moms. Maybe he needs to make friends at you place. But I wouldn’t let him play both sides cuz it will cause problems.
My sister did that stuff living with me and our dad she wanted to go live with our mom she got kicked out of school and put in Juvie for fighting eventually my dad let her go to my mom’s and my sister seemed happier she didn’t like living on a farm no wifi no friends just mud and animals, I would have the oldest come visit every other weekend so he can see his siblings and dad but he doesn’t have to be there alot if he doesn’t want to be. Teenagers are a**holes sometimes, this attitude shall pass but don’t force him cause he might act out and get into trouble.
Let him stay home a time or two and plan some very fun and exciting things to do that he would love to do but will miss out on because he didn’t want to come. He will come around. Give him time.
I feel like the mother could have something to do with this she could be putting stuff in his head or even writing this stuff in texts herself. He should try get him over one weekend and have a one on one private calming chat with him
As an adult with several steps parents, he will likely be a jerk, he is going through his parents divorcing which is super hard, new hormones, and probably all sorta of built up resentment for all of you. Let him be but always show your guys love and support, eventually he will see it but definitely don’t force it.
Children can feel a negative vibe from certain people . I would have to hear his side of the story. Also I feel like there is something you are not being truthful with . And if you are worried about the child’s support your fiance is paying . You are making it seem that’s all you care about .
Don’t force it, he’s 13 and old enough to decide whether he wants to come or not. For some kids the older they get, they less they like to hang out with their parents. He might have friends to hang out with and other things he’d rather do at home. As for the other things I would have a serious talk with not only him, but the mother as well.
Yeaaaaa soo my younger siblings did the same thing when they were that age. They are teens they just do that also at 13 they can make the decision. It’s better not to force it let mom and dad deal with it for now. As a “baby momma” I’d prefer not to have bonus parents weighing in on where the kid goes and when.
Some of the people commenting… I swear a missing a few screws…
It sounds like he is being a typical teenager. Have you two talked to the Mother to see what she thinks or feels?
Unfortunately forcing him will only push him away more than he already has pushed himself away. Best to get to the root of his problems and respect/validate why he feels the way he feels.
I hope that the relationship with the Mother allows you all to work together on this. This kid needs support. He’s going through a lot.
Good luck
For your own sanity support your husbands decisions but stay out of it. Not bc it’s not your place or any other reason other than you will drive yourself crazy over something that you have zero control over. Let your husband and his ex work it out. And just be there for your husband for support.
That kid is asserting their feelings. The divorce is JUST now final? That means there is zero chance for mommy and daddy getting back together. That kid isn’t interested in country life. Does that kid have their own space? Teens don’t always like bouncing around and if there aren’t people around in the country for them to hang out with and stuff, of course they aren’t gonna want to go. Forcing the issue will/may cause some resentment…. Instead have dad take that kid on a one on one “date”. Let the dudes go do something that’s just for them…. And talk. If I were 13 I wouldn’t like my family growing and I had to sit around another woman who got with my dad and had a baby before the divorce was done. I wouldn’t want that many smaller kids around. 
y’all are expecting a 13 year old to be able to express themselves effectively … that’s not going to happen . They probably don’t even know WHY they don’t want to go.
And what kind of help do you need for kids that are older?
If you seriously need some tips on managing that many kids solo, let me know! I’ll help! I can give you some tips and tricks I learned as a nanny
Let the son bring a friend and see how things go. At that age I wouldn’t have liked the country. If it worked I’d let the friend come every once in awhile. I know I took a friend when I went to my grandparents. Good Luck !!!
Here is my personal experience. My stepson would act out every time he would come to our house and then we stopped forcing him. After awhile of being home alone with his mom and his sibling coming to our house and having fun with her baby brother and sister he decided he wanted to come over again. It took about two years for him to come around consistently but he did. You have to remember he is going through a divorce too.
If he’s your fiancé, I would stay out of it. Teens go thru phases. Even when you become the step mom, you still need to know your place. Haven’t heard anything about the mom being abusive or unfit, so as a woman I wouldn’t support taking a woman’s child away 
You let him stay where he’s comfortable at. Maintain the relationship, but you can’t force him to live with you or he’ll resent you for it. Once the other 2 move there it will probably only be a matter of time until he wants to as well. Good luck
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Could try therapy.
Also as kids get older they just don’t want to go anymore. I’ve seen it happen within my family. It’s sad, but sometimes you just gotta let them make that choice themselves.
Hear me out…
He does sound like a brat but aren’t all preteens brats? Even if they were separated before you got together it’s still going to be hard on a child that age getting a “another mom”. He does need boundaries set and I’d talk with the mom. Is she doing this or does she support her child’s father. Also yes I’d continue to try to see him but tell him you want him to come every other weekend but if he has something to do with friends on occasions it’s fine. Also I love my (half) sisters but when they came along I felt 2 nd in line for a while bc they were only a year apart and I was 7 years older. They were babies and toddlers that needed attention and I was loved but kinda got the brush off.
Also have you fiancé have some guy time with him or do something he would enjoy. I don’t have kids but the guy I date does and we realized that their mom does what the 5 year old wants to do so he doesn’t whine and complain The 11 year old girl learned to ask him what he wanted to do and go from there so we get them every other weekend and we either do something everyone would enjoy or we let one pick something each weekend. Zoo for him and day out of town at a mall for her. Same with movies. If he wants to watch a cartoon movie next time he may have to sit through some girly preteen movie. Life is about sharing and learning to deal and be big with others but he shouldn’t have to give up everything to hang out with toddlers the whole time.
13 in our family my brother said he didn’t wanna go to his dad’s. My mom didn’t force him. He’s 13. I’m pretty sure at that age they know. And I knew at 13 I didn’t wanna go to my mom’s. Period. Forcing isn’t gonna help anyone period.
So at the end of the day it’s about the kids. At 13 they want to be with their friends and if their mum lives closer to their friends then that’s where they’ll want to be especially if there’s not any activities you participate together with on the weekends when they stay over. Letting them do their own thing while they’re there is not spending time with them and makes them feel like they’re not wanted there and unfortunately this new generation is all about electronics and socialising.
With him being worried about hurt you have no right to invalidate his feelings. You don’t know how he was before you got together and if he feels unsafe good on him for voicing it. You can support your partner through this by telling him that these teenage years are hard and maybe he needs to grow up and either try and be a supportive father who tries to be apart of his life even if it’s from a distance for a few years, or get over it.
You’ve only been in their life for a short time and you have a 2 year old who hasn’t faced the struggles this 13 year old has gone through. Imagine someone telling you that your 2 year Olds feelings of being unsafe a irrelevant. If you’re in the relationship with this man for the long haul, previous kids and all, then be supportive and treat them like they’re you’re own. His parents just got a divorce and you’ve got no compassion for this poor boy. A kind heart goes a long way and right now your cold heart is digging a hole for you that you’ll struggle to get out of when this boy grows into a man and confronts you on your poor parenting and by then it’ll be too late to fix that relationship
Who are we to tell children how they should feel. Let’s be real he lost his family within two years. His dad didn’t even wait to move on. Maybe his dad should’ve thought about his relationship with his kids before making a whole new family to deal with it. Let him be and let him work on it. Don’t force that kid to go to your house. Give him some space.
Sounds like he’s still angry about the divorce. Counseling could help. Threatening him and trying to force this relationship will only cause more resentment.
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Do not force the child to come there. It’ll do more harm than good imo. See if your fiance can get some one on one time with his son outside of the home on a regular basis and have the other two continue their every other weekend visits. Maybe take him shopping, to a movie, a skatepark, out for lunch, etc. But don’t force the kid to be somewhere he doesn’t want to be. That’ll only make things worse. & It’s possible that once they get some one on one time the son will change his tune.
You guys haven’t even been together 2 years. You’re his dads girlfriend, you’re not his step mom. He’s 13. You need to step back. Way back.
Can’t really force it. Just let him not come. Just be sure dad reaches out like weekly to tell him he loves and misses him and wants to see him.
Also everyone is overlooking that the divorce just happened in May. So the child may feeling like it’s his dad’s fault for moving on so quickly or even possibly dating while still married. Bc how are you engaged already?
13 is a hard time for a boy. Let it go, be loving and supportive. Try to find fun things to do when he does come. Don’t force him.
Sounds like he is still very angry about the divorce. Maybe he blames his dad for leaving him. I recommend having your fiancé just take the 13-year-old out one on one together. Don’t bring him to the house at first the father needs to bond with his son. Then maybe his son can open up to him and he can communicate what is really wrong so they can work it out. After they got their bond and trust back he will want to come to the house
Just let him stay home ,make the others feel real good so when they go back they tell them how much fun they had he will come around.
If he doesn’t wanna be there, forcing is gonna make everything worse. Maybe he needs a break to process things. He went from his original set up to divorced parents in May and now you all live together. He’s probably tired of being around kids all the time and just wants the 1 on 1 with his mom. Oh God the humanity. 
Let him visit when he wants. We went thru this with my husbands daughter. She went thru a phase of not wanting to visit and instead of ruining the relationship my husband let her decide when to visit. Lasted for a couple of years then things leveled out when she could drive. Had more visits after that.
He is 13. Unfortunately he has a choice. I think it is a ridiculous one. My guess is mom has shit talked him to his kid and that is why. Or maybe the kid really feels that way. Not wanting to come because it is boring isn’t a valid excuse. But ultimately at that age I would let my kid choose if he wants to stay or go. I would encourage him to go. But we can’t force anybody. His many siblings does he have at his mom’s?
These comments are WILD! First off ignore everybody whose telling you to straight up abandon the oldest like WTF! He’s 13 he needs his dad now more then ever! This kid is not in a correct mind set if he’s ASKING his dad to sign rights over they don’t just come up with that either the mom has put it in his head or has mentioned it before … if he’s not willing to come to your house his dad needs to make an effort to meet him on neutral territory even if it’s for an hour … I’m sure the kid has a phone his dad should text him every once in awhile saying hey thinking of you or a random memory either way dad needs to get involved in a comfortable way
If that’s the way someone viewed you for struggling, you wouldn’t want to be around them either, I bet. So, why should he be any different. I know I def wouldnt want to be around someone who looked at me in such a bad light.
Let your fiance and the child’s mother work it out. If he doesn’t want to be there let him stay home. He’s old enough to decide where he wants to be.
I’m going through the same thing I say ignore the child because sometimes the other parent likes to turn child against the other parent.
Him paying any amount of support for HIS children has nothing to do with whether or not his children want to spend any time with him. That’s the first thing I noticed you’re bothered about… he’s a teen he probably wants to be near friends.
Be patient, he will come around…if you and your husband let it go and not talk to much to him about it he will come around, change is hard on teenagers with all that’s going on with there bodies at that age anyway.
Just be patient and show him lots of love 
and he will come around…
Give him space. When i was a teen i only visited my mother when i wanted. With school all week, there where other things i wanted to do with my weekends. I’d visit when i felt like it if that was only a few times a year thats what is was. I wasn’t pressured.
Teens do crazy stuff. He doesn’t have to sign him over but if he doesn’t want to come over you can’t make him, he can make that decision. You know he will regret it later on but you learn from your mistakes. I have a friend who was 100% confident her middle child would choose the dad as a teen because he spoiled her and made her queen over the other kids. It hurts but it’s bound to happen.
He can talk to his son heart to heart but his son is 13 so if he does not want to be at dads he doesn’t have to. Can’t force a teenager it’s just how it is. Sorry you all are going through this … buckle up … welcome to teen life with the two house shuffle … mine are 15 and 13 with the shuffle I know how it goes
Strange crazy journey ahead God Bless you all
He’s definitely learning things throught someone else, he’s saying things a 13 yr old would know nothing of.
But when you stated you “support your husband, but you will need more help bc it will be more kids adding to your 2 other kids” you wouldn’t say that at all bc if they were your blood you had to care for all of them.
You need to understand he’s a kid and he needs your support more than your husband needs it. Why don’t you try talking to him, loving him and show him more attention in order for him for you to understand him
Krep in mind… Oldest may be trying to sabotage on purpose. May be manipulated by other parent thinking helping but not. At 13 they kind of have a choicr what parent to live with. If others do fome to stay with you… It hopefully wont be too hard on you. They’re older and can actually help with some chores and pick up after selves… Make simple things to eat for selves. It can really be a blessing after used to only a 2 yr old. If kid doesnt wqnt to come… Id find out really the why. No place to walk to? No friends around? Not same game system that moms house has? Dad can always just have him during day. And take back to moms at night ? Not always easiest choice if not super close by moms home. Kids tend to qct out when parents split. And secretly hope they get back together. Even if he pays alot child support… If kid doesnt want to come… You cant pick them up and make them come. He still has obligation to them rather come or not. He can also spend day with kid away from house for while to build with him. But… Its not YOUR choice. Id not even talk about any of it in front of kids. You’re the enemy just cause the new woman. Talk to boyfriend in private when Kids not there. They hear you giving your opinion about THIS… It will make worse. Keep adult stuff away from kids. Just support whatever choice is made. Be their friend and kind and helpful if can be. You calling kid names though… Kid can probably pick up on that vibe. So make sure you’re supplying comforting facial expression even…along with tone of voice and gesters. Read up on angry teenagers and self help books how to REALLY be prepared on kids going thru divorce. Hint… Kids tend to feel dad divorced them too… And sold them out for a new family and new kid that isnt his. Be kind and compassionate
Child support isn’t nor should be the issue. It’s how he shows and cares for the kid when he is there. Think about what’s going on when he is there. Is he getting one on one time, is he getting treated like he belongs, does he feel this way. Also he’s 13… he has friends he’s gonna wanna hang out with, may even have a girlfriend. There’s a lot of factors, but making a huge fit over it is just gonna strain the relationship and make him more likely to not want to come over. Show as much support as you can, make fun things that he enjoys to do together, but also let him have freedom, let him choose. He’s at the age where he wants to be independent, he wants to enjoy things on his own more. And that’s okay.
Someone is talking in that kids ear , my husband and I were in the same situation 20 yrs ago and I will say this y’all need to have the oldest and the husband go to family counselor and as individual this will give everyone neutral ground to talk I’m praying for y’all God Bless
Just stay out of it and let his parents handle it. It will be better in the long run.
In some states 13 is old enough to decide where you’d like to be unless abuse or neglect is involved. It’s likely if you take mom to court for full custody (again, depending on laws where you live) she will have the child speak for himself. It’s unlikely the judge will go against the teens wishes. Child support has nothing to do with the current situation, understandable that it’s mentioned but just because he pays doesn’t mean he’s paying to see his children, it’s to support his children in the time they are not present in your home. Js.
He’s a teenager and he’s going through a lot, puberty probably plays a factor on top of the relationship he sees his mom and father have. He’s old enough to judge for himself wether it’s right or wrong to you. You can not tell this child how to feel. Just like nobody can tell you how to feel.
He will still have to pay even if the boy doesn’t come, regardless. Getting full custody will probably make him loathe you more.
Child or not. 13 or not. He is allowed to hve a preference, wether it fits your views or not. He is his OWN person.
How much child support your partner pays for his children shouldn’t even come into this.
And why is your partner applying for full custody of the children?
Why should they be raised by you and not their actual mother?
You, and the other children, may think that it is great at your place, but maybe he doesn’t? 
He’s allowed to feel differently.
What is most important is that he is happy. If that means less time at your place, so be it.
It should me the sons choice, he shouldn’t be forced to do anything. Dad should just let him know he’s there when he’s ready to come over. And will be there no matter what. However I will say. You comments and assumptions are disgusting. He’s not ur child. And you calling him a brat cause he dint wanna be there is childish. And as a step child myself. Your probably the reason🤷♀️
My 13 used to go with his dad every Saturday but now… he doesn’t lol. He chooses if he goes. If he doesn’t want to go he doesn’t He has said his Dads is boring and no I have nothing to do with it. The only thing I say is “are you going to your dads”. I wouldn’t assume the mom is saying anything especially if the other to go just fine. He is a teenager and will be like that sometimes. I think pushing it will just make him resent yall.
Leave him be. In most states at 13 (some at 12) they allow the child to decide for themselves who they want to spend their time with. The more you all push the more it will push him away.
Hes 13. That says A LOT in itself. His parents got divorced. There is a new woman trying to be a mom. His dad and maybe his mom too are in new houses. He lost the world that he knew. It’s not because it’s “boring” at your house that he doesn’t want to go. There’s something else. Threatening to call CPS tells me that there is something way more serious going on than him just being bored… Maybe resentment towards dad because he thinks he’s the one that left. Maybe he was the one that left. I don’t know the whole situation. Why did he push for full custody? Is the mom unfit? Does she just let him run a muck and do what he wants? That’s information that needs to be known if you want real advice.
If there is nothing wrong with the mothers house then let him be. His dad can go and get him and take him out and do things away from the house. Visit on his terms for a while.
Maybe he will work out his frustrations and feelings and want to spend more time at his dads/your house. Maybe he won’t. That’s something for him to work out with his did. Forcing him is the worst thing you can do though. All that will do is build resentment towards his dad and you.
And I don’t know why you brought money into it. Money shouldn’t have anything to do with wanting your child. To me that says a lot about the situation.
Take what I say to heart or don’t, but I went through this with a child of my own and the results of forcing them to go are way worse than validating their feelings and letting them have some say in their own life.
At 13 the court could allow the child to decide. Forcing MORE time is not the solution. Find out what his interests are, see if dad can spend some 1 on 1 time with him doing something he enjoys.
They’re gonna assess the both of you and the other kids too since the child is making such claims but they’re not going to believe him because there’s no actual proof of abuse
Why do people think that if the dad doesn’t see his kids, he shouldn’t have to pay child support? Because it the kids choice, the dads choice, the moms choice or the court’s!!! Kids are expensive for one parent to raise.
Anyways, if the 13 year old doesn’t want to go to dads anymore, he’s at the age where his choice needs to be respected, regardless of why. Getting full custody of the child is not the solution. It’s a way to force him to be there. Just leave him alone for a bit. Don’t ignore him, just stop asking him to come. Say hello, give hugs, converse with him. But stop asking him to come. He will come around when he matures a bit and sees how ridiculous he’s been acting.
He should speak to the ex about this issue if at all possible. Id rule out inappropriate Influence from the other parent first and then move on from it. He needs to sit his kids down and talk to them.
Now he is still being disrespectful like that, he needs to be reminded his opinion is valued but he is the child and no child gets to speak to an adult, especially their parent that way.
I get very creative with time consuming chores since he is so bored.
Give him some time to process his feelings away from other people.
Tip for dad. dont let him pull the not visiting thing. Itll backfire on him and affect his relationship with the kids.
My brother and sister at age 12 (over 20 years ago) got to decide in court who they wanted to live with and if they wanted to do the visits.
I am going through the same thing except I’m on the other side of it. My 13 and 14 yr old sons don’t want to go to their dads. Short of physically forcing them to go, they don’t want to do it. Their reasoning for it is because dad and step-mom drill them about my house and then turn around and talk bad about me, my oldest son, our home to their face, and her 13 yr old son even joins in by making jokes about us. Both boys have tried to tell him what bothers them but he refuses to hear them. Says he doesn’t feel bad about anything he says. He blames me for it. He hardly even spends time with them when they are there. My youngest is always messaging me asking if I will come get him and I make him stay but when his dad tells me and him that he will be bring him home on a certain day and that day passes by, yes I usually go get him. They live out of town so it’s a drive. What I’m getting at is maybe there is a reason for his not wanting to go that is deeper than just it’s boring, boys don’t like talking about feelings, and it probably is that he has been through a lot in the last 2 years and him being the oldest probably feels like he needs to be there to protect his mom. He probably doesn’t like leaving her alone. So really both of them might consider sitting down with him and talking to him. Mom needs to reassure him that she is okay. Also I understand your concern for your fiancé and his family and it’s awesome you want to help out but they are right, you need to stay out of it, you butting in may be part of the problem. Adjusting is going to take time and right now in his eyes you are the enemy.
If you force him, then there will be resentment. You have to pay child support regardless, but at 13, kids want less time with parents anyway. It’s the age. If he doesn’t want to come over, then don’t make him. Keep asking, but respect his choice to say no. Make less of a deal about it and he’ll probably come around.
My stepson is 8 and hates visiting us because it’s boring too. He has more freedom with his mom that’s why, he gets to come and go as he pleases but we are more strict. So he hate it here actually but we don’t force him to come
In the state I live, when I turned 12 the courts said it was my choice whether I wanted to go visit my dad. I was no longer forced to go see him every other weekend, like I had been growing up. It was nice, because I started having friends and a social life so I didn’t feel like I had to go all the time. It also helped because I didn’t like my soon to be step mom. I felt like she was trying to replace my mom, so when I needed time to process I got that time. Plus, my dad’s house was really boring. I was always left on my own or just hanging out with his friends’ kids.
My son was adamant about not going to see his dad for quite some time, and I wouldn’t push it. Then one day he wanted to go, so I brought him to see him. Now he’s there half the week. Things might chance. Just give him time
He is a TEENAGER. It’s typical behavior. Just leave it and let him be. There is no forcing them to be with you. Just be there for him even though you are not physically.
He’s 13 he just doesn’t wanna come see his dad in the “country” when he could be at home hanging out with friends. It’s normal, I’d stop pushing and just let it happen. He’ll get over it after awhile. I spent a year refusing to see my mom and a year refusing to see my dad when they split up (separate occasions). Now I see my dad every day and my mom once in a blue moon (we have issues). See if you can get him some cool things for only at dads that way he extra wants to come.
Just an FYI, signing custody of his son over does not absolve him of child support. He would still have to pay, he just has no say on how the child is raised and no visitation. I wouldn’t do it. All kids go through this phase. Don’t force visitation or you will just prolong the absence.
Sometimes kids need reminded of who the parent is because they think they are the boss
I feel like there’s more to the story. The timeline is prob the reason the child doesn’t want to be with dad.
So sorry your going through a hard time.Maybe try doing things with him when he comes to visit! I dont know what area you live in but maybe plan some activities with him like bowling going out for pizza,mini golf, go to a water park! Play games,Do a craft, go fishing or camping…you get the point! I know at that age kids get bored & want to keep busy! Good luck 
Ahh I wouldn’t let him come back. Yall have no idea what he could say. Especially if he’s making comments about being hurt. The next thing he could say would involve SA. Also he’s 13 and he’s going through a hormonal change, school, and his parents divorce. He’s got a lot on his plate. Maybe see if he needs counseling and then if he doesn’t want to come over, he doesn’t need to come over. I understand it hurts. But he has a say at 13.
I think he should have his choice honored he will feel more comfortable and trust you more if you let him choose what he wants
Sounds like he needs some serious one on one bonding time with his father without anyone else around…
Ummmm hello! He’s a child. Your husband is the parent.
Maybe find something that will be fun for him. Forcing anything on anyone is bound to end terribly. Good luck!
Uhhh. He’s 13. He’d probably much rather hang out with his friends or play video games. I was about 12-13 when I stopped wanting to go to my dad’s. Don’t force him to go, it’ll only make him him resent going. Make it fun/appeasing to a 13 year old. Maybe him and dad can go have a quick lunch. Go to a water park? Camping? Etc.
But yea I definitely wouldn’t force him into going. He definitely went through a lot with the divorce, gaining a soon to be stepmom and a step sibling. That’s a lot to take in and you can’t get used to that within a couple months, especially if it’s every other weekend. You sound a bit controlling, I wouldn’t want to go over there either.
Explain to him that I visitation is court ordered. He can sit and sulk every other weekend, but he has no choice.
Your husband is not paying towards your son visiting you every second weekend. He’s paying because he chose to have kids. Those kids lives with their mother so that’s the main carer for the kids and that’s where the money goes. My sons dad would try force my son to his home the mosque and other places till he was 10 years old. He hated going there. The social worker from
The court and the judge told his dad the more you push and force them the more the kid will recent and rebel. That’s exactly what has happened. My son has now refused to see his dad for 9 years. He’s now 19. So tell the child he’s always welcome. Ask him if there’s things he would like to do you at your place but stop making this a big deal
If he doesn’t want to go. Teenagers mainly want to be by themselves or with their friends.
Let it go or go to counseling either way you’re going to make him resent his father more if you force him to spend time over there .
Honestly, leave him be. He’s 13. He’s in the rebel teenager stage.
I would personally get some things that are entertaining for him. (Gaming console, pc, skateboard whatever it is that he is into…) so maybe he will eventually be more interested in coming over, but that’s something you need to let him decide. Don’t force it.
Talk to social worker and counselors
At 13, he can choose if he wants to go or not, no matter the reason. Wtf does support have to do with it? (And you’re thinking of it the wrong way anyways- he’s not paying for access to children)
At that age they have a say where they want to live. If he doesn’t want to be there, he doesn’t want to be there. The court will honor that. All dad can do is be there when the son needs him.
He dont want to go then dont make him. It might hurt but that his loss.
He’s older, he’s mad and unfortunately pushing to hard can make things worse