The man I am seeing told me he is moving across country: Advice?

He is testing you. Tell him your children come first and w
Let him go.

If he is even considering it knowing your circumstances then he doesn’t care about you. Obviously never intends to propose or anything to you. Sorry to be blunt…

Maybe this is a big deal for him. WHY is he considering it? Did you talk to him about what that would mean to you and your kids? While I see that you can’t move, don’t expect him to stay for you either.
I would not split up yet as he has only considered it. BUT remember ultimately it is his decision and if he thinks that’s what’s best for him you should let him go and support him bettering his life.

If he’s moving then it shows that he never cared about you or your kids enough to stay. If my man did that I would be done right away not even stay with him a little bit. if he’s messing with your mind and testing you then that’s a really messed up way to do it!

He’s obviously not taking you into consideration. Just telling you what HIS plans are. Honey… You do you. Don’t wait around for a man who doesn’t care if you’re in his future or not.

I’d say wait until he decides what he wants to do. I know that’s the unpopular opinion on this post but leaving him now is dumb in my opinion. Hes considering moving, yes, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t have a reason for the move to begin with! For all you know he could’ve gotten a really good job offer that is offering way more pay than what he gets now. You don’t know all the variables and that’s something y’all should discuss, if he wants the relationship with you but also wants to take the job then try a long distance relationship and see how that works for you two. Leaving someone because they’re considering moving is a dumb reason to break up.

Girrrlll, it’s an out. Out of nowhere he’s just “considering” moving across country? Knowing you can’t leave? Yeeah, even if he did stay, leave his ass.

Definitely split. He proved the type of man he is. Selfish.

Depends on his reasons and how he approaches you with the conversation. If it’s for a work promotion but he’s torn because he’ll miss you- that’s one thing. But if it’s just hey I’ve always wanted to live in XYZ and now seems like a good time to go- that’s another. That’s bye now.

If he knows you can’t go and is willing to make the move you already have your answer

Firstly if your wanting a answer whether you should leave your kids or not, well that’s devastating that it would even cross your mind. They definitely come first. If he’s considering it without you, then it’s as good as over. Don’t waste your time.

Okay well to me… I’m gonna go the other direction of all these women here and say he obviously cares or he wouldn’t have told you or even allowed you to give an opinion. Sometimes men tell you these thing so you will show they are important to you by saying please don’t go. I’d tell him straight up that if he chooses to move it’s not going to work out for you.

No sense keeping it going if he’s made a choice to move knowing your situation.

1 Like

Split now…. If he loved you he would not consider moving knowing you are unable to go

let him go you will be fine and it will most likely turn out to be the best decision u ever made lol

What’en even a question! He playing mind games,and you writing FB for help. Should a been gone!

You need to have a long frank discussion about what he sees for your future and decide what you both want. Then decide if trying to do long distance us worth it.

Ok he knew that you would not leave your children. So he has no plans for you coming. Enough said.

why would he want to move there another woman maybe let him go not worth it

I will not tell you to split or not. That is for you to decide. What I will offer is this…

  1. Have a conversation… why do you (your mate) want to move? What are the positives and negatives of this decision? What part do i (you) play in this decision? What does our future look like because of this?
  2. Actively listen to his responses. Genuinely listen and acknowledge his reasoning (if there is any).
  3. Go back home digest the conversation and make a decision that feels best FOR YOU. Not your mother, sister, neighbor, or best friend. Do what feels right, safe, and comfortable for you. Then live that truth everyday because you deserve it :green_heart:

I mean can you not petition to move? You two don’t seem serious. Honestly I’d split. You referred to him as the man your seeing at first. Then the man your in a relationship with. You never said the man I’d love. So I’d just let it go.

Looks like he’s ready to break up with you without coming out & saying it.

Wow is all I can say to all the comments. Each one of my uncles (my Mothers brothers, total of 5) they joined the Canadian forces, all had different posts around the world and their girlfriends/wives never ended it with them. They made it work. Smh. Seriously though, she has invested 2 years commitment to her relationship, don’t tell her to end it. If this is her true love, anything is possible :heart:

Just be done. I thought for 3 years the man I was dating seriously would make the move when he got transferred. Nope it was “too hard” to continue the relationship. He wanted convenience.

Why wait, for what? That’s setting yourself up for heartache, let go and live happily ever after with your babies. -maybe remain friends if you are able

Sounding a bit like a control move. Perhaps consider some time apart for you both to evaluate your feelings for one another.

If he’s not talking about an “Us” or “We” future , no need to wait .

Well why is moving completely out of the question? Maybe he wants to discuss with you.

If you werent a consideration in his future then he should be in your past!

If it is for advancement in his career you can’t blame him. If it is for anything else, and yes you should ask why you’re not a priority and he may be trying to let you do the breaking up.

Yes leave his ass. If he’s considering leaving, knowing you can’t join, than he’s considering leaving you. And after 2 years, than it’s time to move on to something worthwhile. No point in spending one more precious second with someone that’s got their foot in the door…:woman_shrugging:

If he mentioned he would like her and kids to go with him maybe it would more to give her the option to consider and he must explain to her why at least then she can have a straight forward clear view on her decisions. The ex hubby shouldn’t be such a pain. Parenting agreement or not… there is adjustments if your ex believes if you happy and so are the kids then he should let you either decide on your own or just be happy for you as long as his kids are happy and taken care of too. He would miss them but there will be breaks for them to still see their dad and also speak to him daily on video call etc. It’s not as hard if both parents can just civily come to an agreement after all I have an agreement with my ex but we accommodate as parents nevermind the court. It’s for you as grown adults to make decisions for the kids. That agreement is only there because some adults don’t know how to co parent etc. Regardless of breakups but it’s still you two who decides and your partner should mention direct what his plans are not some mind games. If it’s you and kids he wants with him… weigh your options and what is on your heart. If you have no valid reason to leave find another way to stay. This is a mutual sacrifice both of Yoh must decide to make whether it be to split or not. Your ex moves on and here you have to leave maybe the best opportunity of your life. Like I mentioned if your guy considers having you and the kids make this decision with him then you have alot more to consider and not think of others but what’s best for you and the kids. If his guy rocks your world he is worth considering. But to consider to just up and leave is other levels. Maybe he doesn’t have assurity yet as what is going to happen abroad for whatever reason he needs to be open with you and if it is an opportunity of his life let him spread his wings and he can’t one day blame you why he never made the decision he wanted to. It’s all up to you. And we can give advice it might not work for all. It’s till up to you and have a sit down and speak openly it’s always good to communicate. U will find the answers you looking for. Trust your heart. Think carefully and let no question go unanswered for the sake of closure else it will eat at you or you will feel pressured. Hope this helps. Girl of you both want to be together find options to make it work. It has to come from you too. Maybe he also feels he doesn’t want to love you and the kids on the ex hubby’s term and condition only. Moving abroad could be a wonderful opportunity but we will never know it’s only but a risk. Let him figure out what he wants :hugs::heart::heart::heart:

Kids come first. I wouldn’t dream of leaving my kids

Sounds like he is testing you. I would let him know first and foremost you won’t move across country and leave your kids.

I’d split now. And if he stays, I still wouldn’t take him back. I’d move on with my life starting now.

I feel like someone who truly loves you wouldn’t be considering something like that… 2 years too? Giving up your kids is never an option. Sounds like he’s not in love.

I mean … he’s very clearly ending the relationship without being a man and saying it outright. Take the hint, take the loss, move on.

Honestly…, bye. If he doesn’t love you enough to stay for you, he just isn’t the one. Your priorities in life just don’t match. Give him the ultimatum, your kids aren’t even a question.

Girl he’s trying to break up with you just let him.

4 Likes

It’s not a split but a run… he obviously isn’t in to you anymore.

If it’s something he’s considering and it’s permanent I’d probably go ahead and split. If it’s a temporary thing for work or something similar maybe talk about it more.

Bunch of men haters in this comments.
Has anyone thought to ask if its a better opportunity for his career.
So, every man must give up an opportunity just cause the relationship?
Seeing as there is very little info to go on.
Custody agreements can be amended which is why the marriage question is important.
To follow a man is different then following your husband.
So instead of throwing out that BS of choosing man over kids or whatever how about getting rid of the damn binders and tunnel vision and see the whole damn picture for what its worth.

Why is he going??
Job opportunity??
Just because??

If he was “ in” he would never consider. Dump him

Communicate about it?
Ask him things like “what about our relationship? Is this something you wanted to do alone or together? Would you consider part time traveling instead so we can do it together?”
His answers to some of those crucial questions will speak volumes. Maybe he thinks something could be worked out with the children and hasn’t even thought that far ahead… I always “consider” unrealistic things that I want to do and I speak it out loud. Doesnt mean I will necessarily… he could just be opening up about a desire in hopes that maybe yall could work it out. How would it be possible if not ever brought up to begin with?

10 Likes

If it’s best for him let him go… Maybe stay in touch as friends 🤷… neither of you have to be wrong or right… you guys can split if it’s whats best, if he has a better opportunity for him self to thrive and succeed and across country then he should go and you should want him to go… and that’s okay for you to put your kids first and he needs to respect that as well,no need to end anything on bad terms

1 Like

Wish him the best. He knows the situation and is considering it anyways.

3 Likes

Um. Leave. Lol he knows you can’t go so is he trying to leave you in a nice way?

Well my ex literally moved several states away and I had zero clue. He was just gone :woman_shrugging::woman_shrugging:
Don’t stand in his way to better his life… if he can walk away, let him. You focus on those babies :heart::heart:

1 Like

obviously he did not see these 2 years as a serious relationship at all, if he is thinking like this.

Split, them kids will need you forever ! Trust me ,if he truly loves you, knowing your situation. He wouldn’t consider the job

I think he’s testing you to see what you do.

1 Like

Split and run, your kids matter more than him :woman_shrugging:t4:

1 Like

Let him go. You are not at the top of his list.

3 Likes

He probably met someone online that lives over there.
Dump him…

1 Like

Well, you arent number one and you have to decide if you want to be not important to him.

Maybe this is the universe telling you that your life needs a reboot.

https://www.google.com/search?q=unanswered%20prayers&tbm=

Help him consider himself right out of your life. Not a keeper

I would end it now. Doesn’t sound like he is too invested in the relationship.

Save yourself the headache and let him leave you just said it yourself no is worth your kids

I would walk away because you are not a priority to him

Hes only thinking of himself… Get rid x

Say good bye! And if he stays still say goodbye!!

I’d say that depends on the relationship :thinking:

I would probably till Him SEe ya ! Then see if he really goes,Be honest it seems like you don’t care about you

Well, if he didn’t invite you then just wave him off.

Just enjoy the time you have with him here, then move on.

He’s willing to leave- let him. People will show you who they arw

If he knows you can’t go there’s your answer right there.

Ask him outright if he’s considered you and your children, and if he hasn’t, leave him.

Split… that’s a, “mentally fucked” scenario… no one deserves that.
Tell him to keep chasing that dream.

He may really love you and love being with you but if his mind or heart wants to go experience new places and things that can’t include you, that is the choice he has to make for himself.

It will hurt if he chooses to go but not as much as it would hurt you both for him to pretend to himself it isn’t what he truly wants.
That can be a breeding ground for resentment.

I don’t know why yall are just jumping to dumping him. Long distance could work or discuss her moving as well. Not all agreements are final through the courts and she can have it amended so as she could move and have the kids stay 50/50. Especially if she sees a future with this man as well. Discuss and communicate concerns, reality, jobs, moving, possibly changing of agreement for your children if you wish to stay with the dude, and move on from there. Not everything means to split just discuss. There’s lots to think about here since been together for a while. Just opening discuss everything and go from there. Children should come first but also have to think of your happiness as well. Are you happy with him?. Would you be happy to long distance? Would you consider adjusting your parenting agreement with the courts to possibly move with him?. Or doing vacations every few months to see eachother until can live back together.

1 Like

Say “buh bye” if he doesn’t want to commit

I would go off your gut feeling & what YOU want to do & not what Everyone is telling you to do.
They/we don’t know your relationship & we can’t make the decision for you.

Why hold a man back if he has a good job opportunity to better himself .question is did he ask you to go .or did he just tell you maybe that’s his way to let you go

Dump n run
He would never consider it if he was thinking long term with you!

Sounds like a married man trying to leave his side piece situation

Okay if you know you can’t why ask a dumb question…. Just saying

These are thoughts and feelings you should be COMMUNICATING to him…… have a talk about it. Discuss your feelings bc your feelings are important too but he won’t know those feelings unless you express it and have a sit down adult conversation.

You women are ruthless. Lol It’s a conversation, an opportunity for him no matter what the reason is.

He is considering it…key words. He obviously is discussing it with her for a reason. There are some men that would just say “Bye”. For all we know, the move is temporary.

If the roles were reversed and she came to him & he just left her…he would be the biggest POS for not trying to help her work through her options even if that means the end of the relationship

Girl…have deep conversations about this with him. If the move is understandable don’t try to tell him why he needs to stay. Ask him questions like…what are your benefits for leaving and benefits for staying. What is your goal if you move, if you stayed what other goals would you hope to accomplish. Ask questions that would have him thinking.

Of course my advice is given under vague circumstances so take it with a grain of salt if you must lol

1 Like

Tell him your not willing to leave

Hes not planning a future with you so he doesn’t sound worth your time.

4 Likes

Wow I would leave now since he never thought about you or your children since I am sure he knows your custody agreement. :disappointed: sorry that happened though

1 Like

Split. Wish him well and hope he finds happiness. He knew you had children from the beginning, and hes known about the custody issue. It’s not him being selfish as some have said. He may love you and the kids, but in the long run, he may just not be ready either to be a male figure long term in their lives and this is his way of slowly letting go.

1 Like

Wait and see what happens he may be “testing the water” if that’s the case let him go . A woman once tried that with my girls seeing where I stood concerning them , I told nothing will separate me from them , she stayed and we’ve been married 15 years now and she is a great mom . But in this case don’t expect to much ,

Why is he considering moving? Can’t make a rational response without all the info.
And if he hasn’t made a decision and he’s telling you about it than obviously you all need to discuss it.

1 Like

Here’s your red flag – This is the man you’ve been seeing for two years – Not the man you’re absolutely in love with, or he with you.

No mother should ever be put in the position of choosing a man over her children – This is a non-issue, so thank him for the memories and wish him well… As you can learn from this relationship. There’s compromise and then there’s selling yourself short and right now you’ve undervalued yourself.

Both you and your children deserve better :+1::sparkling_heart:

I mean people have long-distance relationships all the time he can’t experience the world or do you guys have to be with each other all the time I don’t know it depends on the relationship in the degree of trust

I would enjoy every last minute I could being happy with him till he left. I wouldn’t tell him he has to stay or guilt him. If you love this person be excited for him and enjoy it all while you can. If he stays ,great but if he doesnt it wont hurt and you can actually leave on a happy note for you both.

I think it’s his way of wanting to break up but he’s going about it a cowardly way. A friend of mine had this done to her by a guy & he only moved a county. She ended up seeing him with a different girl a couple of months later at the opening of a restaurant. He’s not going far. He’s wanting to break up but he doesn’t know how to go about it cuz he’s thinking telling you this story is less hurtful. Probably so he can keep his “options” open in case his new arrangement doesn’t work out.

Let him do what he does. When the time comes, be grateful for your time spent together and say goodbye. Move on.

If he left, I would end the relationship. The fact that he is considering even considering it would is hurtful as it is.

Split now. Even if he doesn’t end up going, it still shows that you (or your babies) are not in his plans.

I would split now, why get even more attached and then he decides to go?
If he truly cared for you he would even consider it, sounds like he’s looking for an out :woman_shrugging:t2:

Why not use this topic to talk to him about it? Don’t be defensive. I’d say, well, if you do decide to move, what do you want to happen to you and I? Don’t bring up anything else and see where this leads.

If, he was serious about you and your children. This would have never crossed his mind!!!
Be careful :wilted_flower:

1 Like

In my opinion, the best option is to wish him well, and move on.

Split now🤷‍♀️ he’s clearly stating he doesn’t value the relationship

Split now. Seems to me he isn’t very serious about you.