To those who have been in an emotionally abusive relationship, how do you leave?

He’s a toxic safety net… Go wherever you can…it’ll be tough at first, but it’ll get better…I can’t say that about him though.

You need to leave to protect yourself!
And he need to go to a treatment centre!

Took me 9 years. I finally realized I could no longer live like this and my kids didn’t deserve to live like that. I no longer could rationalize staying.

Hide your money in old waded up receipts that everyone has in their purse or wallet. save … my aunt that recently passed told me about that trick… it works

I was in an abusive relationship for 5 years! It was hard to just walk away but one can only handle so much. Just woke up one day and decided I couldn’t do it anymore and that was it. It took almost 4 years after the fact to get ME back. I had to learn to love myself again because of how he made me feel. I know it seems impossible but you CAN do it!

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You need to love yourself first and foremost. Talk to yourself when you’re alone. Tell yourself you are special. You can go to the courthouse, use the restroom, there are posters in there that tell you who can help. You are worth more than him.

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It will not get better, and he will not change. You need to leave before the emotional and verbal abuse turns to physical abuse. Also sounds like he needs some help for mental illness.

Oh girl I lived this life it is scary to think about doing it on your own and thinking about how much you love him you love with your whole heart he does not love at all you take what you can and just go go to the safest place you have do not answer calls message anything from him and know you have got this you are worth you are beautiful you are strong and you are not alone God is always with you I will pray for you

Contact a domestic abuse charity - they can give you advice and help you get a protection order.
You might find the support and info in this group useful too - Be Kind. No Excuses

Find a friend who will let you couch serf until you can find a roommate to move in with. Wait until he leaves, pack a bag and Go. Block him on Everything. Good luck :four_leaf_clover:

Get out call the local police station or church ask for help, Their are groups to help you, your not alone

Leave. And don’t look back. Do you family or friends you could stay with? Or go to a woman’s shelter. He’s never going to change. I went through something similar to this and finally left and am now happily married with a baby. Please get out before it’s too late! Stay safe and I hope and pray everything works out for you :pray:t3:

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Here are abusive homes in most cities. Might try that, they will help u

It will never get better… get out NOW. You are in danger every day you stay. If it’s at the point where he’s breaking shit and you’re calling the cops, you need to figure out where you’re going to go immediately, because you cannot stay there. It will also emotionally damage your children for the rest of their lives. Contact your local DV shelters if you don’t have family nearby, they can help you with the transition and finances and a place to live. The first step is the hardest and it gets easier every day after that. You are worth more than living your life in fear.

100% he is a narcissist

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Emotional ABUSE is absolutely real and my heart goes out for you. Gaslighting is REAL, manipulation is REAL. It is very difficult to see this when your in the relationship. Confide in someone, if you have resources to see/pay for a therapist please do so. Educate yourself of what “emotional abuse, gas lighting, narcissism, manipulation” entail. The more you educate yourself the more your brain is able to recognize and analyze that your in the situation that will hopefully help you build up the courage to leave. It will not be easy. No matter what anyone tells you “just leave him, pack up ur stuff and go, it’s easy” it’s not easy, build your confidence up. You feel it’s “love” but personally to me, it sounds like manipulation among what I discussed above. Your brain knows “I’m not crazy” but what you see “reality” and what he’s doing to you “manipulation” doesn’t make sense. It’s confusing you because you know you don’t deserve this and your emotional and rational part of you are conflicted. you will never be able to fix him. You will exhaust yourself beyond measures to the point of possibly needing medications to help with depression or anxiety. Only God and himself or a psychiatrist can do/help with that. find ur strength. :purple_heart:

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And silently, and carefully.
Then nothing. Leave asap. The love is only one sided hard as that may me believe it now and for good and gooooo

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Gather your stuff, copy any financial documents you’ll need later and leave the house when he isn’t at home. Ask a friend to help you.

Pack your things and leave please!

Life is too short to be with someone who doesn’t value you.

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It’s only gets worse girl. Get out now before it gets so bad you can’t. I was in the same position a few years ago. It got worse and worse and finally he started hitting me. Then almost killed me and my children. You need to leave NOW! Find a friend who can help, family? Anyone. If not, find a local woman’s shelter. Get a new phone number. Never look back!

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My Best Girlfriend got out. I testified at her murder trial. Went every weekend for 10 years to the Prison where she serviced her sentence. She is now 81 years old. It could have been the other way. I could be going the last 50 years going to her Grave. Instead of taking to her on her 81 Birthday. Why do you want him Because you DON’T Want Yourself. YOU DON’T LOVE YOURSELF. JESUS LOVES. Leave or stay without JESUS who died for you, you will be right back. At one point one of you will be dead and in Hell. CHOOSE LOVE CHOOSE LIFE CHOOSE JESUS he died for you. They is more for you, take one step and JESUS will meet you where you are. He will make away. Safety, shelter, money, job, food, all you need. Repeat I am a sinner who you died for you were raised from the grave you told all my sins and remembered No more, you have healed my body. Made me whole and LOVE me, when I have not Loved myself. You are going to guide me now to Safety and freedom and send me the Hoky Ghost. I am born again a new creature I am free from being co dependent of Satan and his partners. Amen. Now since you have been wise to say all this while his out pack your stuff walk out go where JESUS is going to lead you. Gas station, police station or church ask for help. Tell them you just left an abusive house and he will hurt if he finds you need help. If you go to church tell them you prayed asked JESUS for help. God will never leave you.

You need to start saving money, sneak it, hide it, get a job be your own person. Woman’s shelter they can help too. If the fights escalate call 911 and have cop take you to women’s shelter.

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This will only escalate and may become physically abusive if it hasn’t already

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A women’s shelter will help you. Think of him as a drug and that u need help with this addiction.

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Is he a veteran? He sounds like he’s bipolar and needs counseling he’s definitely got some mental issues, try & help him to get some help, if he refuses, leave, there’s a lot of help out there in e ery city and town

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I was married to a narcissist. Didn’t know it till the day we got married. Opened the door, carried me over the threshold, put me down then knocked me to the floor. I’ll never forget the 4 words that came out of his mouth! NOW I OWN YOU!! Please leave before he destroys all your self worth cause he will not, cannot change.

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He is also financially abusing you

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I had to leave while my ex husband was sleeping with bare essentials for me and my kids I ended up going back and it ended up with an op against him because I ended up blacked out for an entire day I still have the op and we are officially divorced and my kids haven’t been happier

If you don’t have any money, reach out to a trusted family member, it seek a shelter until you can get in your own feet

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Bc he’s a narcissist and they are extremely good at manipulation… run fast and never look back! It will hurt for awhile but you will be soooo much better in the long run I %100 promise you that.

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I had a child with a man like this… now he uses my kid like that against me… don’t stay to that point. It’s scary to force yourself but I promise you’ll feel the weight lifted.

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First of all no you don’t love him. You love the idea of being in love. Second, being alone is scary. Any major change is scary. It won’t be easy. It won’t feel good right away. Why do you want him? Who knows? There are all kinds of crazy things we do to ourselves because of insecurity, feeling of inadequacy, feeling we can not do better, or just feeling comfortable with the abuse because it is what we are used to. Doesn’t matter why. What would you tell your sister / best friend / daughter to do in this situation? Take that advice.

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Leave leave leave. Things will be tough snd they will be rough for a while. It won’t be easy but u need to do what is best for yourself. While it may be tough being on your own you will feel so much weight off your chest and more like yourself. You have one life to live…do u want to spend it miserable or would u rather spend it happy and finding your own way?!.

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You DON’T love him !!! Really. You are worth more that this. Leave him for good! He won’t change so YOU must. Get out

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Narcissistic behavior including gaslighting, this is what he is doing to you. Please I beg you. Get out! Save yourself, they can not and do not change!

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Run girl. Hard and fast. You will be just fine and you will feel so much better, almost immediately. But once you leave you can’t talk to him or see him. Don’t even text him. Change your number and disappear because he will lure you back in with his lying sweet talk. Make up your mind to leave and Never look back !! Ever!! Don’t ever forget why you left him so that you’re not tempted to go back and try again. He will be much worse if you go back

Kick him out, or up and leave! One of the 2, do not wait! It will never ever get any better only worse. It’s not you, its him! Been there done that! Get out while you can and have no contact with him! You can do it! I have been there, done that! As hard as it may seem now it is the best decision you will ever make and you’ll look back on it and thank yourself! You got this!

It will NEVER get better

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What you allow will Continue.

I went through the same, plus abusive behavior. I loved him, but wanted to go… Was just as scared as you. But I stayed because I had kids. I thought I was doing the right thing… Until I found out my daughter was cutting herself. She broke down crying to throw her own dad out… So I did. Everyone loved him who didn’t live with him. They thought I was the bad one. But I did it and moved on. I didn’t have much money, but made it work the best I can. It was the best thing I did for myself and my kids. You can do it too… Just because you love someone doesn’t mean you have to accept their bad behavior. You can love them from afar! Look for something you can afford… Even just a room, for now… Pack a little at a time then leave. You will thank yourself later. You deserve better than that❤️

I was in a severe abuse relationship would leave go back then one day I said enough and walked away just go even if it’s a shelter friend family just go hurts in the beginning but believe me it is so much better on the other side

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Read up on Narcissism
sounds like my ex.
You don’t love him, you love the fake personality he shows when trying to keep you.
The idea of being loved but you need to learn to love yourself and realize your true value.
After reading about narcissistic personality disorder I saw my ex for what he is and didn’t like him one bit.

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Go to a woman’s shelter! They will help you get housing

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Leave sweetie, even if you have to stay in your car. It will get better after awhile but only if and when you leave.

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Its so hard. You have to find someone you trust. Family, friends, or an agency that deals with this. I promise if you look you WILL find someone. Just keep looking and GET OUT. You are worth it!

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No, and there is never a good time. Leave when he is not at home, do not tell him, and stop buying his bullshit

It doesn’t get better. Get your ducks in a row and get out ASAP. There’s plenty of resources to help .

I was in the same place as you. I’ve told him it’s over soooo many times. He wouldn’t accept it. What ended it was he trying to choke me & physically fighting my 14yo. I recently learned he had been assaulting my son for years. Once I got rid of him I was sorta forced into therapy through a DV agency. Best thing ever! I resented it at first. My counselor helped me through the damage & taught me to protect myself. I highly suggest you get in touch with a DV counseling agency. They will help more than you can imagine.

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Well I had my own place to it help but a ppo and a CPL. Stick to your guns and don’t give hope on getting back together. Go to a shelter if needed, family house ,or friends.

First of all… YOU HAVE TO BE STRONG and really, really want end IT. You don’t love Him and you need to lear how to love YOU again (selflove)…

Contact a domestic violence hotline/women’s shelter and take the steps to get out safely. Get any important papers and leave them with someone safe (maybe with the center, maybe at a church). Write down every incident you can remember, in detail and with dates and times as specific as you can get. Send the info to 2 people you can trust (maybe people at the shelter/center). Follow the advice to leave safely (with your kids if you have any). If you have any police or doctor/hospital reports, get copies.

The people at the center/shelter will help you get on your feet, find a job and a safe place to live and tell you how to avoid him.

You have been groomed to think he’s great when he’s not mad, but like others have said, you will be able to see clearly what a scary a$$ he is once you get away for a while. Plan your escape, work your plan. If it helps, think of yourself as doing the work for someone else in danger, and you are accompanying her as she gets out.

You can do this. You are smarter and stronger than you know. I believe in you and you will be so much happier once you get out. I know you will make new, supportive friends quickly and live a wonderful new life! :+1:t3::heartpulse::heavy_check_mark:

Here’s a resource in Northern Virginia. They have an excellent reputation & lots of great suggestions online. Thewomenscenter.org.

That is narcissistic behavior. It will never get better. You need to find a safe place to go, & just pack up and leave and never look back. Don’t give him access to you. It will be hard at first but once you are free of him you will feel so much better. You deserve better.

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Please don’t waste your life. Sounds like he’s a narcissist. There’s no getting better for those people. Nothing will ever be about you, only their black hole that will never be filled. Get a restraining order, put his stuff outside, change the locks, call police to help if he tries to get back in, block him on all social media and your phone and go no contact. That is the only way to deal with narcissists.

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You’re getting numb. You need to get away from the situation and get your head on straight again so you don’t allow misery to become the norm.

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It will NOT get better. End this ASAP.

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Constant ups and downs like that will rewire the human brain where we’ll go through the bad to get the good again
They know that and use it against you
Starts small but escalates very quickly when they know they’ve got you
It’s only ego for them
Just makes them feel good about themselves and that’s why they do it

Your life will never get better til you leave,you go this not healthy realationship,true love and if you don’t get professional help you will end up in another one of these type situations with same type male!

My family has this in our life thru marriage and what it has done to the adult children is terrible. They do not care what it does to Their children holidays birthdays Christmas nothing!!! And even childbirth! and as soon as we adults think ok Finally it will end (we are 64) No it begins again and we have to watch what it does to our family member.
If you want to live get out if you want to be codependent with a narcissist stay. It is so sad to watch the rest of families try so hard to be well and happy whole time sick one tries to control everything. Don’t say your leaving Make a plan and get out. Or you will be 50 and asking why and no one will want to hear about you any more because you kept going back

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I was in a marriage for 40 yrs the last 6 yrs I wasn’t happy he got abusive and physical with me. I decided I had enough and left him when he wasn’t home. Life is too short to be miserable. I did everything for this man. You don’t need to be disrespected you deserve better. Make a plan first and get out leave if he won’t.

Are you just waiting for him to Kill you??? If he loved you he would Never want to hurt you,not EVER!! Please PRAY for the lord Jesus to lead you out of this disaster of a relationship with a real monster!

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U like many of us are with a narcissist… It will not change good luck. If anything leave and don’t look back

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Make sure you plan everything, you have to completely detach your self because they do try to love bomb and will do anything to convince you things have changed. Your mind needs to be stronger then your heart

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It’s gets better. After you remove him from your life.

their are place you can go to pack your bags and get out

Save money. Pack your bags. Move. Block him, cut all contact with him. You deserve happiness. You owe it to yourself to get yourself out of that situation. Please please leave. No matter what stands in your way, your life will be so much better and free outside of this situation! Hugs. Like 10 million hugs sent your way :heart:

Girl thats a narc for u. Just up an leave its hard an i did ot with a 4 month old baby an a 2 year old no job no money no vehicle nothing just left

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It gets better i promise

It only gets worse . Leave . Leave when he is at work . Do not tell him . Get someone to help you get your things together. This kind of man will only end up being more abusive . Please run and do not let him know where you are going . Go far away !

Record everything. Have your phone in your pocket on silent recording things. If you have an iPhone press the lock button 5 times. It is a silent call to Police and they will immediately record things and it will be silent so he won’t be alerted. They will send Police, Ambulance and everything to your location.
Try and hide money to save it to move out. You can also go to homeless/woman shelters they will help you with everything.
Leave. It will get worse. It can go from verbal, emotional and mental abuse to physical abound over night. Leave before it turns deadly because it eventually will.

Leave it only escalates from here. Which state do you live in?

I’ve been there.Its not easy.I left with the clothes oo my back
Go to a woman’s shelter for battered woman.They will keep you safe and help you with every thing.If I hadn’t left when I did I might not be here today.

I did this for 15 years. It’s gonna be the hardest thing you ever do but you just have to get the courage to go. Pack a bag and walk out. You will be OK. It’s gonna hurt and you are gonna want your “life” back. But you will be so much happier and healthier.

Just leave he will never change

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. To those who have been in an emotionally abusive relationship, how do you leave?

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I waited till my ex was gone. I packed up my car with as many things as I could fit in it for my daughter & I. Then we drove away! Never to return. It’s not going to get better! You deserve better.!!

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Find a women’s shelter and move, money or not, get a long life protective order!

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I would contact domesticshelters.org and check out loveisrespect.org and see what agencies near you provides legal services to help with a restraining order. Emotional abuse is the worse. Don’t take that shit!. Love is respect is a great resource and will education you on what is Domestic violence. It is hard to communicate with a narcissist. They don’t see wrong. Also, we see some unhealthy things as children and think its ‘normal’ right? and it becomes a cycle that we follow. It sounds as he is doing the ‘honeymoon stage’ I’ve been in your shoes. Have a safety plan, and a good friend who can help you if it gets ugly.

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Please do some research on narcissistic abuse and trauma bonding. Do you have insurance? Do you/can you see a therapist? My therapist and having a support system is what helped me finally leave after 11ish years. I slowly became more independent throughout the relationship to eventually purchasing my own home and having a space away was helpful when cutting the cord. You need to make a plan. Find every way to become self sufficient to give yourself more control. Also SET CLEAR BOUNDARIES and try your best not to break them.

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You won’t even understand half of how messed up you are and how it has affected you until you leave…You are not crazy. You’re being gaslighted. Eventually he will discard you, after he has found new supply. I PROMISE you will be ok again. It takes time. And it won’t happen with him. I’m sorry. It’s a hard reality. The faster you leave, the better chance you have of healing.

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This has hurt my heart. If ur reading this message me

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What can you love about a person like that. I am going to be hard on you …What is great about a man like this. You do not love yourself how can you say you love him .
This man is mean does not love you …Seek help call a hotline MOVE OUT before he kills you either physically or mentally.
Do you not hear about these same stories…over and over again
My dear you are a lovely person created in Gods own image do you think God will not take care of you ??? All the Lord needs is for you to take the first step PRAY find the Lord and he will ensure you strength
DO NOT ALLOW THIS MAN TO TAKE AWAY YOUR BEAUTY
I see it even in your writing YOU are worthy please leave go to a shelter …Who is your friend nobody …its just you honey call for help if I was near you I would open out to you.
Do not allow anybody to tell you you are not strong …YOU ARE and you have the power to change your life.
Start now " I have God I am strong I do not need him or these friends There is great love out there for me " Your new mantra
It is like magic …the doors will open …and you will see clearer …
Hogwash this is not love …allow him to cry his heart out …BE STRONG …God be with you
Beautiful woman …
Right now go on your knees and tell God how grateful and thankful you are that you belong to him
Ask him to lead you out so you can help others who are in your same situation ask him to use you.
AND HE WILL

Pack your bags and leave. If you need to, save up enough money to get away from him. Do whatever you have to in order to get away from him.

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This was me. Then he almost killed me in a fight one night. I didn’t even pack my things I left and had to start all over. I went to my parents house with my children and now three years later we’re thriving we have our own house. You would have never guessed we were in the situation we were. It doesn’t get better unless you change things. It’s normal to want him and love him because you crave so much of the man he was before the abuse. I get it I still to this day do. But you will only make it better if you leave.

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I packed my two kids up while mine was “taking a nap” and I ran far away. I called Safe Nest here in Nevada and they were amazing. See what kind of shelters or domestic violence are near you. They were are beyond supportive.

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I was also in an abusive relationship. Let me tell you that it never and i mean NEVER gets better. Just leave dont bother fighting over stuff. Start over start fresh. It will hurt for a while but it will pass. Good luck i hope things turn out good for you as much as they did for me. You may think how am i gonna make it. How will it be. Dont worry about all that and just go. While you still have the thought of leaving fresh.

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He has figured out your weakness and plays on it ,he is like a drug and u are addicted ,sorry to hear u feel like this ,but if u really really do feel this way ,than tuffin up,get your shit together,plan carefully,don’t tell anyone that will let him know ,get a job even if it’s McDonald’s,safe some cash ,than start planning your escape ,so to speak,find a place u can go. ,Family friends or on your own,far as u can ,nplay it off do what he wants ,make him think u r all about him ,mite suck,but it’s not like u don’t have to do it anyway,get comphy with him and maybe u will get some space from him get his trust ,than get the hell out ,he’s playing u ,now I play him,good luck

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He is a narcissist, it will never change, he does it because he can, he gets enjoyment out of knowing he has that control over you, all you can do is leave and don’t go back, stand your ground and don’t give in, and know that you are worth so much more than he gives you and you are so much more than he makes you believe

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I just kinda ghosted mine and his family and everyone we knew together. No explanation i just up and left when he was at work and changed my number and moved the next town over, started from scratch… Haven’t looked back :sweat_smile::relieved: its been likee 2 years and im sssooooo happy now

Oh no it never gets better & sure you’ll miss him but get out NOW & no matter what don’t go back… ever for any reason. Trust me, its a cycle that will continue if u stay yet it will never go anywhere except down :woozy_face:

Head your ass to the nearest womans shelter,then stay there until you think better of yourself. This might hurt your feelings but you yourself have taught him how he can treat you. Get help.

I totally get what your going thru because that is what I am going thru with my ex I barely had the strength to get the courage to get my situation out there I just finally got fed up with the emotional abuse so If I were you I would get an advocate an talk with them there is help it would be all worth it you don’t need that no one does good luck girl really.

Love yourself enough to know you are worth so much more !! It doesn’t get better until you leave and see how much of a weight has been lifted ! Be strong enough to know his words, are just words ! They’re not really unfortunately, and his actions won’t match it :confused: leave baby girl ! Life is hard enough !! Don’t stay with someone who’s going to make it even harder !

Leave. Go to a women’s shelter for domestic violence. Go to court and get an order of protection against him. That behavior from him will not change.

Massive narcissist by the sounds of it. Do what’s best for you. Always. You’re already aware it will never get better being with him, but how much better it will already be by being alone. Don’t sit & wait around for the worst to happen to prove how much better you deserve. He doesn’t love you, he loves the control. Leaving will be hard, but allowing someone to watch you crumble & not think twice about it, will be harder for those around you and for yourself when it finally sinks in just how much he’s hurt you & obliviously you’ve allowed it (been there, speaking from experience of being with a huge narcissist). One day you’ll look back & wonder why you didn’t leave earlier, I promise you. He doesn’t own you, he doesn’t value you. But the person who can value you is yourself. Rebuilding a better life starts with you, you can do it. Just always believe you deserve the best. Xx

You need to leave ASAP. Sooner than later h is going to really hurt you. Been there. Takes a while but you have got to love yourself first.

Get to a shelter. If it’s your home tell the police he is trespassing. Tell them he’s threatened you because something tells me you tell everyone it’s just emotional but he’s threatened harm to himself or you or both. Sounds harsh, but do what it takes and get yourself help asap

You need to contact your local women’s shelter. Don’t wait.

It will NEVER get better if you continue to stay. Been there, done that. Either he leaves or you leave, but you cannot continue to stay with him, your mental health with continue to deteriorate. If it’s only emotional abuse right now, it will eventually lead to physical abuse. Leave before it turns physical!!!