Dont baby him. Ask him to help you cook. That’s great bonding time
I surley wouldn’t fix him his favorite dessert!!
If he can’t help with the babies,then let him take care of his own needs
I would totally do that to my husband
He ain’t gonna care to reflect on himself or he already wouldn’t be acting like that.
He’s upset cause he knows you’re right…
Same boat here, I’m going back to work soon full time and I hope things change
Doesn’t sound like either of you are really “wrong”… Both of you need to just chill out a little and have a conversation about it
Nope not wrong. He got mad coz he’s feeling guilty.
No Mamés 
I see it in your future 
Least hes not at the pub🤷♂️
He won’t change. Each parent has a different parenting style. You chose him as your partner. Recording behavior is just going to escalate future problems. When your both in good spirits mention how you felt about the situation calmly.
He’ll do what you allow. 
Yall both sound like children. Recording him so he can “reflect” and getting upset about him watching a movie without you is insane, imo. Yes, by your depiction he sounds like an uninvolved father. He sounds immature and controlling. Are yall young? Does he know how to interact with babies and children? My children’s father was 36 when we had our first and I still had to show him everything. 8 years and 3 kids later, and I still do 
I think in this specific situation, you were both wrong. He clearly has some behaviors that you are not okay with and you shouldn’t have recorded him because that’s weird and creepy af.
To help solve the situation, you can do two things; 1) choose your battles and let petty shit go (like him spending any of his time without you - yall live together, give him some space) and 2) Setting boundaries for the bigger issues you have and actually sticking to them, which means giving him real consequences when the boundaries are crossed. It’s up to you and him to communicate like adults to figure out what those boundaries and consequences will be. If you don’t have boundaries, you will become a doormat who’s easily taken advantage of. And unfortunately, it sounds like that is already happening.
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No one likes to be recorded its creppy and makes the other person lose trust in you…
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A real man takes care of his children. A real man doesn’t mind for being called out in his bullshit. Get you a real man be cause what you have isn’t going to work long.
Don’t give in. He’s wrong
I’m loving all the woman I see on his side.
Same situation with my boyfriend of 15 yrs. We have a 14 yr old and a 5 yr old. All he does is work. No help with kids or ever a break for me. No your not wrong
So he never plays with them at all? He doesn’t do nothing with them ever?. Does this happen everytime he’s home?. Or was it just this one time or maybe a few times before?. Im not bias I look at both sides of everything and im very open minded. Do SAHM need breaks well fuck yes they do. Do you get breaks from the kids to just chill?. There’s POV to every side. How would you feel if he asked you to do something ams recorded you because you didn’t do it the way he would. Kids don’t need to be held every moment or played with every moment. It doesn’t hurt for kids to entertain themselves . Were they in any harm of getting hurt? Or were they safe where they were . what was your standards of him watching them. Just bc he was on his phone and wasn’t giving his undivided attention to the kids at that moment is not enough to bash him to hundreds of people. What a betrayal. You should be at least the one person on this earth that does not talk about him behind his back or make him look like a bad guy and same for him to. We as people deal with alot of stuff especially people talking about us like we’re dogs and then to find out your partner does it to and then records you for something that you made out of nothing.
Sorry I just feel bad for people and If I did something like this to mine then my heart would break knowing I hurt his feelings. I don’t carry things like that in my heart. You never know when you’ll lose someone and you have to make sure your last memory of that person is good, the last thing you said is good, always apologize after arguments and before going to bed because you never know. We seal with enough in life than to cone home to it
That’s toxic behavior
He’s mad cuz he knows what he was doing isn’t right lol
Throw him out on his arse… with a 20 month and 8 month old my god you need help and its just not in him…silly man
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Read that last sentence a few times.
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You guys are just playing house. You’re not married…YET. Stop doing wifey things. Stop baking for him, stop cooking for him, stop doing his laundry for him, stop cleaning up after him. Until you see changes
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Well the babies did not come only through you. He had 50 % contribution towards it. Yes he provides for you but you look after him, the kids and the house which is not a easy job. What you do if he does for a week he will know. Well if he is not listening you stop doing things for him. If he wants anything tell him to do it yourself bcoz you are looking after kids. Let him do his own chores and let’s see if realises what you mean and all that you do. I am lucky in this situation my husband is so supportive. Let’s me sleep in. Showers, feeds and even takes our baby out while I am fast asleep. But ya just pull yrself back a bit from doing his chores and demands and see how it goes. All the best
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Maybe for recording instead of tossing him off the couch and telling him he’s a douche but he prob wouldn’t be so happy about the latter. Tell him to consider himself lucky cuz this botch at 4’11’’ would make him cry like the little bitch that he is. My man did/does that too and well his 6ft ass ends up on the floor or keeling over holding his balls 
but u should definitely put ur foot down cuz shit will only get worse
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You are validated in what you did! He prob see no wrong in what he does so you wanted him to see for him self!
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If I was your fiance and I knew you recorded me, I would wait till you went to sleep, to delete that video. 
Face it, you married a LOSER who obviously thinks his job is over at conception like man’s men do. Dump him like yesterday and move on. It appears you are married to a man that is living the married/single lifestyle. Find yourself a REAL man.
Some men weren’t brought up that way and some are just plain ignorant
Lose him and find someone that who will help you with the kids
Give him "arroz con mierda 
" next time.
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Sad, hope you can work it out.
Tell him to move out
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Leave this piece of garbage sis.
Let him be mad. Get mad too.
I’m just here for the comments!!! 
listening and laughing a little I have to be honest lol
My kid’s step dad works all day and night and he still helps with the kids 100%. If a step dad can do it, your kids own father can do it. One reason (out of many) I left my kids bio dad is because he neglected the kids. I’m just saying…
No you were not wrong, you said you tried to talk to him many times about it and you were going to make a visual for him. Nothing wrong with that because you are trying to get him on the same page. If you do not want to leave him then try talking to him again and ask him “How can I help you to be more present?” Offer him half an hour after he gets home to wind down and chill and then he can be more mentally present for the kids.
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Absolutely nothing wrong with wanting him, to be a hands on Dad. Playing, cuddling and talking with the children. Especially, while they are small. They grow, so fast. If he needs to decompress, he can take a shower once he gets home. Then, hang out. He’s been at work all day, and so have you-home with children, is like a 12 hour shift. Communication, is everything. A sit down conversation where you both listen to understand, needs to happen. As many times, as you need to. There must be a resolution, or there will be constant friction.
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If you’re already doing everything like you’re a single mom, it won’t get better once you’re married. Sounds like you might have a narcissist on your hands.
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The women on here shaming this mom/fiancé is disgusting to be honest!
Great he worked all day and provides for the family, BUT she worked all day too…with TWO babies! She also didn’t make those 2 babies alone!!
Yes they are old enough to sit with some toys, BUT HOW do you think it’s ok for the dad to be laying on the couch on his phone and telling the babies “no crying”? UH that’s how they communicate!!! If a mom did that y’all would be shaming her so WHY the double standard? Him being on his phone is NOT supervising his kids!
I’m a stay at home mom and my husband is away working, BUT he understands we are BOTH working and the kids are BOTH our responsibilities! He also doesn’t boss me around to make him something as soon as he gets home!
To the question the OP asked: NO you are NOT in the wrong, especially since the issue has been discussed several times!
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Premarital counseling. Soon. If you feel the need to film and show it to him to “reflect”, there may be more going on in the relationship. I would be pissed if my partner did what you did. Communication is key. Best of luck.
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Talking to him about things is one thing but recording him is a whole other story. How would you like it if he recorded you during one of your parenting failure and you have had them no parent can say they have never done something they wish they had not done or done differently and NONE of us need that to be shoved in our face. I would have sat down with a him and told hey the baby is crying for this reason its their only communication but your telling them not to cry instead of helping to stop they need help at this age not told not to cry. He is your fiance if your having these issues you really need to question is this the type of relationship you want and if not you need to start looking for a job so that you can support you and your kids.
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My experience is that men do better parenting when they can “do” things with the kids, not so much with babies.
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Hey, the kids grow up, thank goodness!!! My husband categorically refused to connect with them if I was in the house!! We both worked full time at the same job, but the babies were MY responsibility 100% of our time at home!!! The babies soon grow out of needing so much care!!! Lol,
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Yes, I don’t think it’s fair to record him.
But I go through that with my husband sometimes I feel like I’m doing everything on my own.
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It sounds to me like he thinks responsibility stops after getting home from work. He expects you to care for the babies 100% AND cook for him and him do nothing?! Smh. Sounds either young and out of touch with reality, or extremely immature. I think you recording him was maybe the eye opener if you have already tried communicating before. I think parenting classes, co-parenting advice, and any other form of professional help is wise if you wanna stay together and raise a family.
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Well, make it clear to him that babies cry and do not understand his response. You need to be more open with him in communication
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The fact that he’s telling his kids they can’t cry is terrible parenting. Kids should feel that it’s ok to show their emotions without getting scolded by their father. I honestly see several red flags here. I honestly would think twice before getting married to him. Doesn’t matter if you already have kids together.
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Yes I think you’re wrong. He’s not a nanny or babysitter and to treat him as such wasn’t OK. Men tend to kids differently than we do. Honestly if the kids aren’t hurt or bleeding then let it go. Just because you see him on his phone doesn’t mean he’s not keeping an eye on them. Give him a break and let him take care of his kids his way. He’s not hovering over you recording you making you feel like a bad mom for not parenting his way so don’t do it to him.
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He’s mad because you caught him not being a good dad, if he expects you to drop what your doing to make him some food than he can hang out and play with the kids for 20 min. I don’t see the need to record it with your phone, just talk to him and explain how you feel.
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Give him a break im sure he will be more hands on when they are older sometimes moms just gotta do the baby stage i think the video is wrong to do thats just how guys are maybe just be thankful he is there to help and you really aren’t ALONE
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He was also at work all day. Maybe give him 30 minutes or an hour before you expect him to be present… it perfectly fine for children to learn to play independently without having an adult hanging over them. Aaa long as he’s there to take them if they get upset while you’re cooking, I don’t see a problem. Don’t micro manage him and he won’t have the right to do it to you. Y’all can play with the kids before bed…
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A lot of parents have to learn how to relate to babies and toddlers. It’s a work in progress.
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This woman probably already tried talking to her husband and he didnt listen to her so what was she tried to prove her point of what he be doing…so at the end of the day he probably denied the hold thing smh some of theses comments
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He’s been told and doesn’t change . He needs to see exactly what he does n you do . Maybe if u had cameras in the home. You need to keep making yourself clear also how you feel.providing financially isn’t everything when having a family being present emotionally n physically. Is also key . Ask him how his parents were it might be learned
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Very small percentage of men will ever be as hands on with their kids as women will…is it just their DNA, I don’t know but in my lifetime, I have not seen very many men really loving or in the moment with their children…
I understand why you did it, but I doubt it will change him or make a difference, you can’t force someone to care… I always record my husband snoring so he can see for himself I’m not being “overly dramatic”…
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To folks defending him for barely existing in the presence of the baby… The bar for men is so low it’s a tavern in hades
He’s not caring for his offspring. You’ve talked to him about it. He’s evidently not getting the picture.
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He provides for the family and is present in the kids lives. He can parent how he chooses. Just bc ur more hands in with the kids doesn’tt make him a bad father. Everyone parents diffrently. Kids are capable of entertaining themselves. They do not need 24/7 one on one. I’m sure he is wore out from working all day.
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No you were not wrong because if you had this discussion so many times before then i think showing him was ok, did you however tell him in the past thar one day you will record him so he can see for himself? Babies if that age should be watch all the time not wait till they cry and then do something
He’s mad because he’s wrong and knows it. And no you weren’t wrong
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I would have done the same thing 100%
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You do not need to be on top of a child 24/7. There’s a thing called 𝚒𝚗𝚍𝚎𝚙𝚎𝚗𝚍𝚊𝚗𝚝 𝚙𝚕𝚊𝚢, ever heard of it? You can be present and let your child explore but not to where they can danger themselves or harm themselves obviously. It’s called supervision.
But is your 𝚏𝚒𝚊𝚗𝚌𝚎 your third child? The “he can reflect on himself” is where you got it wrong. How about communicate instead of treating him like your THIRD child?
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I was with a guy like that i just piss him off more telling people u raised my kids he just provided the check he git pissed but oh well truth be told
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Yes that was wrong perhaps you could suggest a parenting class that you and him can take together?
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I don’t think you are wrong.Your husband should get his act together xx
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You lost me at “so he can reflect.” That is just insulting, to anyone.
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It seems kind of passive aggressive and I know with my husband that wouldn’t fly but then again he wouldn’t have been passive aggressive back. Sounds like you both need to work on communication and he needs to up his game with the kids. He’s going to miss it and one day he’ll look up from that phone and they’ll be gone. It’s hard, I have some tech addiction issues myself but that doesn’t make it right or okay to continue that way.
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Tell him to get it together or your gone
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A quiet mouth is not going to change anything
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no you were not in the wrong some of these comments are totally ridiculous
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Exactly why I will not have more kids. Because just will not do this alone. That’s ridiculous.
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Which is he fiancé or husband? he can’t be both 
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I dont play. I work 50 hours a week, and so does my husband. But he used to think that after work was his time to relax so I was expected to make dinner and mind the children while he took a 45 minute shower remember, we BOTH just worked all day and then after dinner, I had to get the kids ready for bed (bath, teeth, diaper, jammies, bottle & sippy, tucking in, kissing goodnight) and after that I could finally finish my dinner and then shower and get myself ready for bed. I got sick of it and told him he had a week to fix the behavior, or show me that he is making a legitimate effort, or he was gone. If I was going to provide for my half of the household expenses but take care of 100% of the children’s wellbeing, I was going to just assume his half of the house hold expenses. He straightened up, long story short.
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Any one of you mom’s care to share a time in which you failed as a mother or lacked in an area and were recorded by your spouse?? How did you feel to be told that you needed to “reflect” on your parenting. Any one??? That’s called manipulation. There’s one way to push him away by trying to “teach him” about how to parent. Just be ready for YOUR faults to be brought up. If you want to play this game don’t cry on FB when he points out your flaws as a mother because you Will screw up. Go for It and good luck
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My husband is the same, he would rather clean the house, literally finds anything else to do rather than play with the kids but I just leave him to it, henworks all day to provide for us and someday he has a really good hour of playing with them but as long as he gives them a cuddle if they cry then whatever, everyone parents different and i can’t tell him how to parents, I can give advice which I do but its his choice how to be a dad, he does always bath them, you got to pick your arguments and I wouldn’t cause a fuss unless one of them are hurt and he’s still not there for them x
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NTA. Some people don’t like being forced to look in the mirror. He is a chauvinistic douche.
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Wow, being parents should be a PARTNERSHIP & it isn’t fair to you or your children if he refused to be engaged for a few minutes so that you can be away to cook w/o interruption. It sounds like he is a lazy asshole who expects to be catered to just because he has a paycheck.
Plop ya ass down next to him and watch the movie too. Then when a funny part comes on, smack him while you laugh 
Yes you’re wrong. How the hell would you feel if someone recorded you with your children with the sole purpose of telling you you’re a bad parent.
You are accepting the behavior. It’s not 1912. Men do not just provide and ignore their children. Now…if that’s who you choose, then it’s who you choose. I’d never stay with someone for money. I’d never want my children to even think I did that. He’s no partner and he’s no parent. But you stay that’s your choice because you cannot change other people, you can only change yourself.
As soon as you can start making your own money.
Everyone parents differently but if this is an ongoing thing you need to start thinking for you and the kids.
Make your own Money.
Perhaps he needs some relaxed, but direct teaching and modeling of what to do when a baby cries that distracts the child in a kind and cheerful way. He may feel out of control when I he hears crying.
This is ridiculously childish. On both parts.
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Guys she’s asking for advice and if she was wrong. Your words are freaking mean. There are ways to say she was in the wrong without making someone feel like the worst person in the world. You all are terrible and should be ashamed.
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No! Don’t even listen to these negative comments. It’s his kids too! Big deal he provides! You are home with two babies all the time! You aren’t a slave! You are his wife and mother of his children! He is lazy! How dare he say ‘ no crying’ while you are making food and he is sitting on his butt! Glad you recorded him! Let him see how much of an idiot he is. Let him see how he sounds! Let him see! No, what he is doing is ignoring them. It’s unacceptable! Unacceptable! You shouldn’t have to get to that level! He should want to cuddle, kiss, and play with his kids! I know first hand it’s easier to work and harder to stay home with the kids and do everything! Make him do his part! He should be giving you a break when he gets home!
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There is a difference between looking at your phone when supervising/looking after children, and then being glued to it. He was most definitely glued to it.
As for recording him, that was out of order, I think his reaction is justified, just a shame he pulled a tantrum with it.
You both need to talk properly, no secret recording, no arguments and no stress. It isn’t good for the children to see and obviously you both need to change aspects of parenting and the relationship.
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Nope not wrong at all, and he knows it.
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If he’s supposed to be watching them then he should be watching and playing with them.
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invasion of privacy? Theirs no such thing as that in a relationship where you live together lol? My baby daddy was with me when I gave birth, he sees me naked all the time, we pee with the door open… all these people getting upset about taking a video is dumb. If we do something fun I’m always taking pictures of my bf with the kids without him knowing, or if he’s playing with the kids I take pics or videos also… is that an invasion of privacy? Am
I gonna get sued?? Lmao
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Don’t fret the negative comments, regardless of being a SAHM or not, everyone parents differently. My husband and I had WiFi cameras in our home before we even had kids to keep an eye on our pets. The cameras now serve as the best baby cameras ever. I am a SAHM that dog sits and just got done with my second csection. I have a 22 month old and a 3 week old and use those cameras daily. My husband is the same as your’s pretty much and cannot ever step away from electronics. Unfortunately I still have to do the same and check in on him so he will pay attention to our kids which our daughter is dying for him to play with her versus him being glued to a screen. I still have to check the camera even when I’m taking a quick shower because of how many times I’ve left him in charge and he doesn’t even notice our daughter playing with an outlet or has escaped her play area because he was wrapped up in a screen. I’ve talked to him SO many times about this crap and it still hasn’t changed so I just have given up on expecting him to change that. I just occasionally check in on him sometimes and text him or walk in the room and ask him how everything’s going or ask him about what they are playing if I notice he’s glued to a screen.
You both wrong. Grow up and talk. Secretly recording is extremely childish.
Boys will be boys and Men are still boys that get bigger toys - there are few and far between men who take parenting to the level that a mom does - bc we as mothers with sons sometime tend not to teach them how to be parents but we coddle them into adulthood and they know no better and with that being said as a mom of 2 grown men who have children sometimes it’s just not in their genetics and is something that they have to learn to do and want to do and unfortunately with most SAHM’s the man in their life tends to feel it’s not their place to work then come home and take care of a child because MOM doesn’t work she stays at home - the mind of a man is something none of us women will ever be able to figure out just keep being that wonderful, loving, beautiful mom and wife that you are sweetie (to him the “mom” part goes as well…lol ) and always know that in your child’s eyes you are always the hero to them for everything and every need. God Bless you all.
I don’t know. I feel like laying there and saying hey no crying is watching the kids fine to me. If I need a break all I need is for my husband to keep them alive for a few minutes and that’s not that hard. There’s no need for structure. I’m curious to what more you expect of him? That’s how my husband is and I have no problem with it. Sometimes they will wrestle and sometimes they will play video games but that’s playing with them, not just “watching them”. When he needs to watch them all he needs to do is make sure they are behaving okay and not doing dangerous shit. If he decides to do just that that’s fine, if he’s bored with that he can get up and play with them. Up to him.
You need to trust your husband. And be a team with your husband and understand where he is coming from too.
he’s just mad because he knows he is wrong and now he knows that you know he is wrong
Since becoming parents almost 7 years ago, I’ve been a SAHM more than I’ve worked. Yes I do majority of everything for the house and kids and even working part time now, things are pretty much the same. Best advice I can give you is be honest and tell him how you feel. Yes he works and needs time to relax from work but those are still his children and they still need him and he must still be responsible for those children. Watching the children for most men may be letting them do whatever and they don’t flinch until one cries or gets hurt. Trust me I know what your going thru. My husband spends alot time on his phone watching movies and videos.
What he needs is a woman to tell him get tf off the couch and do what these kids need. And what you needs is him to be a man and learn from your motherly coaching not all
Men know what to do right off top because they solely depend on us mommas. Stop being childish and fussing about parenting you know? Believe me your far from a single mom so don’t wish that upon your self but make fue with what you have and both of you need to start maturing and acting like adults. That child doesn’t need a one parent being a lazy ass while the other one is secretly recording. Call his butt out and guarantee the more You call him out he will get tired of it and just natural avoid y I goin off by doing what he needs to do. Guys hate being told what to do but they hate our big ass mouths even more.