Was I in the wrong?

So I need some insight and advice for the situation. A little bit of a backstory as I was talking to someone for about two months who I’ve known for four years. He has one daughter and his baby mama and daughter moved out of California to Washington for a better life and then move to Arizona. Well he always goes and visits them and make sure used to send the money every month. He is very close with his baby mama and recently she told him she was pregnant and pushing her current boyfriend away and all of this stuff. Well anyways they were in town this past week and weekend, he got her one of the days during the week and he was supposed to get her on Sunday and go to Knotts berry farm. Because he lives in Orange County. Welcome Sunday morning he had told me his baby mama never texted him back on Saturday, he was trying to confirm plans for Sunday. We had talked on the phone that morning and he said if he didn’t get the baby he would come see me because I live a few hours away from him. Well all of a sudden she text him that she thinks it’ll be too hot for him to take her to Knotsberry farm, but then later goes on to say that she’s in the ER but she doesn’t want to say why and if she wants to see the baby he can talk to her parents. So I got upset and was defending him and saying that it’s crappy that she acted like that toward you because she can text him that it’s too hot to go to knots but not make other plans and then try to say oh I’m in the ER. But supposedly they are really close and really good friends and then I find out he stays with them when he goes to visit his kid in Arizona so that upset me because he’s never told me that the whole time we’ve been friends. Now I am the bad guy and I am in the wrong.

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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Was I in the wrong? - Mamas Uncut

I really don’t see anything wrong with that situation. But I will say if you can’t handle it now, and you’re not even dating him yet, walk away. He has a good relationship with his kids mom, don’t ruin that for him.

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Just saying it’s realy hard for this relationship to work…the ex will always be there because of his child…your sitting yourself up for to much drama…don’t put yourself through that u deserve better…best of luck on your decision

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It might have been and emergency why she went to the hospital a d her parents had his daughter as for staying with them yes I would be upset cause he never told you

Take a step back PERIOD

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Walk away you are not mature enough for the situation

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She recently said she was pregnant …and ol boy has been staying with her when he visits the kid…:thinking: looks like hes gunna be a daddy again and ull be out the picture soon anyway

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You have been with this man for 2 months. They have a child together, you better get use to it. As far as him staying with them when he goes to visit, not really your business, again you have only been dating for 2 months. And she doesn’t have to tell him why she is in the hospital, not his business.

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I don’t see how this is your business. They’re the parents & have to work out visitation on their own. You need to let them do that. Posting their business on a public forum is just disrespectful.

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Maybe back off until your ready to accept whatever co parenting relationship they have.

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Sounds like he’s still rolling in the baby batter get out while you still can!!

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If yall are gonna be together and it makes you uncomfortable when he stays at their house. You need to tell him, if he doesn’t do anything. You need to just step back. If he wants y’all’s relationship to work he would stop doing it. I don’t think any woman would approve of their bf staying at his baby mamas house.

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first off this can be taken many ways. but as a mommy if I was out of state and my kids father wanted to stay at my house to see them I’d allow it. my kids come before what I feel. of course if my boyfriend didn’t live with me I’d tell him that my kids father was staying. it’s hard to be mature enough in situations like this. some parents after splitting up honestly just want the best for thier kids.

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It sounds like you’re involved in a mess. His baby’s mama is kind of flighty and is trying to get him to jump through hoops to see his daughter. She’s moving all over the place, keeping secrets, directing him to talk to her parents about seeing their daughter… I don’t know, Honey, but I think I would ease back out of that situation. That’s an awful lot of drama. I don’t know if you want to let yourself in for years of that, especially when there’s potential for you to have kids with this guy who will get shuffled to the side as he pursues this woman to try to have a relationship with his firstborn? I don’t think I would want that. You’re better off to ease out now, before it goes any further.

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This whole post is confusing. I see a bunch of red flags but from you…

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Gurl run, that baby Mama is problematic

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You’re in the wrong. I don’t see she did anything wrong by going to the er and telling him her parents had their daughter to communicate with them about pick up. Yeah he probably should’ve mentioned he stays with them but honestly you’ve been dating 2 months. He doesn’t really owe you much at that point. You definitely are not serious enough for you to have any input or opinions about his visitation and custody situation with his child and child’s mother.

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So you already don’t care about him or his family. The ex is in the er and you’re mad? Stop “talking” to him and grow tf up. You’re not even dating lol.

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If you’re just a friend then probably beat to mind your business. Baby mama drama is always complex and best to stay out of.

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Stay in your lane and out of their business

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2 months and you’re already acting like this? Sounds like you need to stay in your lane.

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Are you even his partner? Or just a friend? If your just his mate then that’s wild lol. He’s single and can stay with her, have sex with her and do whatever with her because he’s single. And as you said… Your his friend? You’re way too involved

Yes. You seem wrong… 1st don’t say baby mama when talking about his child’s mom if you have any respect for the relationship they have co-parenting. … its cringey
Second… You’ve only been talking to him for such a short time… I feel you (in my opinion) you haven’t been around long enough to have any say in how he coparents.

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I hate saying this but her and his kid will always come 1st in his mind. An thats how it should be

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You are completely wrong you need to grow up before getting in any relationships

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Gurl sit down and be quiet. Eat some protein cuz You clearly aren’t thinking clearly smh. Stay out of their business, that Baby ain’t got nothing to do w You and She ain’t gotta explain shit to You. Oh and Your Man (if He calls You his “friend” then You REALLY need to stfu) is definitely smashing Her when He stays w Her.

How about mind your business.

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Girl chill damn you acting like he owes you something so he stays with her when he goes down to see his kid I do same with my ex husband and guess what my husband knows and is ok with it you got some insecurities poking through

I think you both need to go in different directions!! You live 2 hours away, he stays with the mother of his child. Find someone with less baggage & less drama with the ex!

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Yeah you need to find someone that doesn’t have a kid. You are way too jealous

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If your not in a committed relationship then I see no need for you to be upset with the situation. He is trying to co parent with his ex and because that’s a lifelong deal you either get on board with it or step off the train… There is a lot of men out there who would run from their responsibilities and he’s not, don’t try to find fault with him. He’s doing what he needs to do for his baby. He sounds like a great dad and if you like him you should probably back off a bit on the jealousy and find out what he needs from you to help support his decision to be a dad. Loving a single parent can be difficult but your either here for it or not. Good luck and God bless💕

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Maybe it’s too early for me buuuuuut this just makes zero sense. The most I can say is if you’re that concerned over someone else’s affairs (as in daily life, not whos sleeping with who) after only two months, you should probably take a step back and breathe.

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You should be proud of him that he is a good father. Also know you will never come before his child, it might be time for you to just move on

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You’re only talking not dating so he doesn’t owe an explanation as to how he coparents. Sending them money monthly is called supporting his child. If he goes to visit his child, why spend extra money on a hotel if they can coexist in the same location. Where she moves is her business and if he gives her permission to move the child that’s their business. Emergency’s happen and even if they are good friends, she doesn’t owe him an explanation as to why she is in the hospital, she told him how to get ahold of his daughter which is what matters. The red flags aren’t coming from them.

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You are not even a thing and you are upset about his relationship with his ex .
I think he should find someone more mature .

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Sounds like you need to make it strictly friends. If you can’t accept what you have and you’re not in a serious relationship with him, maybe keep it not serious.

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You are only in the wrong for continuing to talk to this loser

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Your a friend not in a relationship. You need to just mind your own until things are more serious if it gets there.

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It sounds like you and him are not really even in a relationship and that he still wants his family…and yes you are in the wrong.Its none of your business when he has his daughter or any of the things they plan or discuss about the child.If i were him i would have told you just that.Stay in your lane cause it doesn’t concern you.

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I mean I know you have known him for a few years but you guys are only together for 2 months. You seem to be moving really fast and to be honest I would take a step back. If he’s been staying with her when he goes to visit while she has a boyfriend and she’s now pregnant who knows if he’s the baby daddy or if it’s the boyfriends kid. If it makes you feel uncomfortable him staying at her house say something. See how he reacts. Trust your gut. Maybe he really is just staying there but to be honest I wouldn’t trust it if he gets all defensive etc :woman_shrugging:t2:

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Kinda petty. You either gotta trust him or dont. Families are still tied together even if not together when a kid is involved. You should be more open and ask more questions or at least not get mad if you find something out that you assumed otherwise. He didnt know youd care if he stayed at her house, you never voiced it, talk openly together about it, dont get mad because your unknown expectations werent met. And if you cant trust him to stay with his own daughter no matter where, then id move on.

Yes you are wrong. Stay in your lane. That gets easier as you mature.

I’d say if you are already having issues 2 months in, there’s your red flag. Get out of there and find something that better suits you. It will be better for all involved. :heart::v:

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Yes you are in the wrong… if you have only been dating for a few months you really have no right to say anything. Sorry

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You’re very jealous and upset about the new information which I get. However you two are only FRIENDS. Not in a committed relationship. He has an obligation to take care of his ex and his baby. Just bc he isn’t with the mother, does not mean he shouldn’t still help care for his child’s mother. They have to still raise a baby together too. Either learn to understand that you and him are just friends and you need to let it go, or simply tell him how you feel and remove yourself from him and find a new guy to fall for who preferably doesn’t a child if you have jealousy issues with a man who has a good relationship/co-parenting life with his ex and child. Good luck dear.

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Honestly, if they are friends an she has a bf an no shady stuff has happened then him staying there when he goes there is beneficial to him not having to spend extra money on hotels. An y’all are only talking so how can you dictate how things should really go in his life. If you don’t like the situation then I suggest you just remain friends. Because I’m sorry my sons father an I are co parents we are better friends then anything else an my sons father comes to my house to be with my son an no one will ever change that an I make that known what’s the point of making them spend all kinds of money if they don’t need to, they already pay child support

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Uhmm…you’ve only been talking to him for 2 months! Stay out of their business… you are involving yourself way too much!

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Her problem is she’s one of those people who feel because a child’s parents aren’t together that for some reason they should be bitter and evil towards each other. Then her and this man aren’t even together, they’re “talking.” She needs to never get in a relationship with a man that has children. She’s bothered by the calm relationship these parents have and she will be bothered if she dates a man who has a toxic relationship with his child’s mother.

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You’re in the wrong.

If yall just friends its really none of your business

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You sound like you are 12…

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Red flag run don’t look back. Keep running.

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If this is upsetting you 2 months into a FWB relationship then you’re not going to be able to handle it if you guys get serious. I personally would just move on and try to salvage the friendship. That’s a situation I wouldn’t want and also wouldn’t want to interfere with. It’s best that they are friends, and clearly you’re not going to be ok with that. Find yourself someone with no kids.

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You’re in the wrong and need to grow up. They’re co-parenting, like mature adults and your being a child about it.

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U sure that’s not his baby she carrying :zipper_mouth_face: and ur overplaying ur role

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It’s not your business or child

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Stand back take a breathe and look at it from the outside. Y’all aren’t officially together from the sounds so you don’t have grounds to be over worried, besides he can stay somewhere without having relations with his ex… I’m assuming her bf is ok with him staying there so that should tell ya it’s not a huge deal with that. Think about what you can and can’t deal with in a relationship and keep in mind y’all living far apart is only going to cause things to be harder. If you feel like it could work anyway you have to be open minded that kids should be the priority and that means dealing w crazy mamas and ex’s sometimes. Being that y’all are new to this side of the friendship id say you’ve gotta stay in your lane. It’s important to support him when there are conflicts but you have to walk a thin line between supporting him and overstepping with your feelings. it’s hard, and the distance is not going to help but it could still be worth it.

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If you guys are dating he needs to tell you about stuff no matter how short of time you guys have been together, that’s what makes and builds trust. You do need to stay on the sideline and wait till you guys are more serious to intervene but to tell him how you feel bout something and talk bout it like two responsible adults is the right thing to do. A good way to start building…

This whole thing is really confusing. You’ve been friends for 4 years, and you’ve been “talking” for two months? You don’t get a day in their parenting relationship…

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You.Are.Friends! Why you mad? :roll_eyes:

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He doesn’t need to tell you what he’s doing or where he’s staying if he was just your friend. Maybe he stayed so he could save money or spend more time with child. Sounds like they have a good co-parenting relationship. And if you’re not ok with that, you should probably step back

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You are in the wrong here. You really don’t have any say in what’s in their parenting especially since you are not “official “ and only been talking for 2 months. If the mother says it’s too hot then it’s her choice. You.are.not.the.parent.

And so what if the mom is in the ER. She doesn’t have to explain to YOU or him what is going on. Maybe she’s still hurting or processing what’s going on.

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You guys aren’t even together…. Who cares if he stays with them when he’s able to have visitation. You could encourage him to ah e a legal custody agreement so his visitation isn’t cut bc it’s “too hot”. But really you need to back up bc you’re not in this coparenting relationship at all. You don’t have a place in any of this. And she didn’t all of a sudden contact him…. They had a planned outing it’s normal to contact people if you have actual plans and there’s a change. And her medical issues are hers alone. It’s not your business why she’s in the hospital or how she’s tells him. It’s sounds like you’re going to be detrimental to the parenting relationship.

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Girl nope with this one. So many red flags :triangular_flag_on_post::triangular_flag_on_post::triangular_flag_on_post:. Just let him go be with his baby momma

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When you say talking you mean in as trying to date, but you’ve been friends for 4 years? Correct? At the end you say since you’ve been friends. This is so confusing. Anyway. She’s in the hospital and told him his daughter is at her parents to go there to see her. I don’t see why she has to answer to anyone why she’s there. I guess you think she’s lying :woman_shrugging:t2: I think you’re just getting upset because you are starting to like him more and maybe feeling like he isn’t reciprocating those feelings back to you, due to his co parenting relationship. Otherwise you wouldn’t have said what you did about his child’s mother while she’s in the hospital. I can see why he got mad. Yes, you’re in the wrong. Overstepping way too much into this.

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They’re his family, you’re his side chick

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Yes, you’re in the wrong. You’re an i8iot.

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If you are friends, it’s not your place to say. Even then, if you’re just his girlfriend, it’s still his child and they have to have a relationship to raise that child in a healthy environment. So what if he stays the night, if he has to travel, it saves an expensive hotel cost. If you’re contemplating a relationship, maybe you should consider trusting the person you’re with and deal with your insecurities first.

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Find a guy with no kids… U Dnt need his extra baggage…

I don’t even know what the problem is tbh. Just stay in your lane. Sounds like they’ve got the preferred coparaenting situation, you have no right to get in the way.

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This is not your business. He had the baby (and baby-mama) before he had you.

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So where is the issue …

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Let’s make this short and sweet…
You say you are friends. You didn’t say you were in a committed dating relationship anywhere in your comment. What the heck does “talking” mean? Certainly not commitment. You can have an opinion but you can’t butt into their parenting relationship. You should back off.

I think it’s pretty commendable that he has a good relationship with the mother of his child, regardless of the past. As far as you’re concerned, you’re new to the game and none of this really has anything to do with you. If he’s disrespectful towards your feelings on the subject, it’s likely that won’t change. Best thing you can do is accept or move on

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That might be his baby otw! I would not say a word I would just sit back and watch what happens especially since y’all are still new and yes I would have a problem if he stayed at her house

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Lol, wear your shoes and run

If you can’t handle the situation, find a different one. Sorry to be blunt.

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Yes I’m sorry your wrong. If you’re just “talking” why is it any of your business? And the baby mama might be going through something right now that she doesn’t wanna discuss with anybody. Again that doesn’t affect you when it’s none of your business let him handle her

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Y’all aren’t dating from what it sounds but just friends. So honestly there’s NOTHING for you to get mad about. That’s his kid. She comes first ALWAYS.

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Why are you wasting your time with that person,

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Why are you so concerned about what he’s doing with his baby mama? Per your own story you’re “talking to him” and not dating him. Furthermore if he’s spending all this money making sure he sees his child, why does it matter to you if he saves a little by staying with them? Good lord some of these posts, I wonder if y’all ever wake up and wonder if YOU’RE the drama :roll_eyes:

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It’s not your child, not your business. That’s between them. If that’s just your friend then you have no reason to be upset, boyfriend you’d have more room to talk but not a friend. Either way, what happens with their child and how they co parent is between them and them alone. You don’t have a say. If he or she has an issue with something in their situation then they deal with that. Don’t step into a co parenting situation if you’re not the parent.

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Girl move on. Too much baggage. Plenty of other guys out there who won’t be attached to old baby mamas!

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Yes you’re wrong. Being friends with him doesn’t back date you “talking” to him. Obviously he wasn’t a truthful “friend” and now an even less truthful potential significant other. Move on. Don’t be his friends and stop pursuing anything more.

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If it bothers you; walk away and leave it alone, as you should. Why waste time worrying about something that clearly is on its own path and you are the speed bump. He’s doing what he should as a dad. Now, if he’s messing with your head and letting you feel otherwise? Walk away. Find a partner that is going your direction, if that’s what you want. Don’t look in the rear view mirror for a future.

You’ve been " talking " for 2 months, talking is not dating. You don’t have any ground to be upset on, thats a red flag coming from you. Just my opinion.

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You’ve only been “talking a few months”
I don’t think you have had enough time even dating or established that you’re in a relationship? These things he has sorted out with his ex and his child just really aren’t your business at this point. But since he has shared a lot of information with you, consider that and you decide if it gives you concern and makes you uncomfortable then now is a good time to step out and just remain friends before anything serious comes out of it.

There nothing wrong with be attached to the mother/parent of your children. Please STOP perpetuating that poison. A person’s relationship is their own, even if it is unhealthy. It’s their business. They have entered into a life long relationship when they had kids. Anyone who comes into that relationship is going to have to accept it for what it is, or move on. Because, you will always see that other parent, if you love that child and the parent isn’t dangerous.

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Of course you’re the bad guy. You’ve been around for a whole 2 months and think you get to say anything about the situation. If you’re already trying to be involved this early, you’ll be worse the longer you’re together. I’d be running if I were him.

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Girl does it sound like you’re in the wrong??? :roll_eyes:
Clearly you’re not the problem holding him back from his kid sooooo why would he hide that little BIG FACT???
-he’s a liar and don’t be surprised if that baby ain’t his girl!

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Mind your business that literally have nothing to do with u🙄 especially when it’s between a man and the woman of his child ( not u) so stay out of it

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Probably in the wrong. If my boys father wanted to spend time with our kids, (even though he has nothing to do with them) I would let him stay at my place no problem, because my children deserve their father in their lives… it’s up to my kids though, if they don’t want him around they are old enough now to tell me. But I try to do what’s best for the kids. I think you may be looking too much into it.

Can’t even tell what your problem is here ?

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I’m just putting this out there…after I was reading so many comments downing her which is ridiculous in my opinion…there is nothing that says to have a successful co-parenting relationship that they need to stay under the same roof while co-parenting…it precisely means that they don’t stay under one roof anymore…I would be upset if he was “talking” to me about his business that’s suppose to be none of my business then expects me not to chime in eventually :woman_shrugging:t2: or else quit telling me about it if you don’t want my opinion…it’s that simple…if he’s ok with how she treats him then why tell her anything…everything’s gucci…right :thinking:

Staying in the same house would be a deal breaker for me….periodt

It sounds like and I’m just strictly guessing that some of you have problems with your child’s father/mother and their new relationships and you are taking it out on anyone that’s seems to be in the same situation but on the opposite of you in said situation :woman_shrugging:t2:

My advice to the writer would be dip out and find someone with less baggage that you don’t have to guess everything about or that doesn’t talk to you about things that are off limits for you to mention :roll_eyes: if you want to stay I wouldn’t mention anything about it again and everytime he tried to mention anything to me about their coparenting I would shut it down too :woman_shrugging:t2:until we can both speak freely on the matter :upside_down_face:
If you guys are just “talking” and not dating like everyone else feels the need to point out then why is he telling you all of his business :thinking: he obviously thinks it more seriously between you guys than just “talking”…trust your gut on what to do

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your playing 2nd fiddle honey, time to bough out and let him figure out what he’s doing…

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Send him to the baby mama’s and forget about it. Don’t get involved with that drama it’s not your place.

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Let him handle his own business however he sees fit. You have no say in the relationship between him and his baby mamma drama.

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RUN! Too much drama and lying

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