Was I right or should I have minded my own business?

My little sisters and her friend are freshmen in HS ages ranging between 14 and 16... My sister currently has a friend staying with them while the family is dealing with some things away from town.

Her friend is 16 and always underdressed to the point where I am not comfortable hanging in my mothers house… Especially when other boys are around of age and not (cousins uncles etc) it even bothers me that the younger boys and my younger siblings are seeing her like that… She goes to school with NO bra tight crop tops and mini skirts… anyways that’s besides what happened tonight… Tonight I show up to my moms to pick up some cash and talk about my little brothers bday party this weekend. The girls ( my sisters and their friend ) were in the living room eating dinner when my male cousin and I walked in. The girls were covered and appropriate when we walked in & when I said hello the friend looked up looked at us and like ripped her jacket off… ( literally unzipped it super fast and tossed it on the couch ) revealing her bra… Her boobs were pretty much hanging out. I felt violated dude I did not wanna see some little girl in her undergarments especially open in my moms house and when we have family members over constantly… So I said something. I told her she needed to go and put some clothes on that I never want to see her walking around showing so much skin especially when there is a adult male right in front of her! I let her know I felt uncomfortable it ended up leading into a argument because my sister felt like they should be allowed to dress how they please… But me I just don’t think kids need to be dressing or showing so much skin… Be kids :sob::sob: I told my mom I felt very uncomfortable for the first time ever visiting her and I went home…

But now I’m thinking of it don’t really know the girl. I’m not sure if I should have said something or just let her be… (she did go and cover up after saying something) would you guys have spoken up?

279 Likes

Honestly I think maybe arguing in front of everyone shouldn’t have happened. I will be honest, I was this girl. I was touched by a older man when I was younger. I knew it wasn’t right and he did get in trouble. But it left a scar and I was this kid wearing tight clothing to get attention and so on. Don’t ask me why I was wanting this attention because I have no clue. I would honestly sit down one on one with her and have a talk. Don’t tell her it’s inappropriate but explain it will give her the wrong attention. Tell her you will always be there to talk and she is in control of her body so you won’t tell her what to wear but try saying in the nicest way that you would appreciate it if she just wore some more clothes when your male family is around.

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Was I right or should I have minded my own business?

Good for you! Your mother should have said something the first time it happened

18 Likes

She needs to be told that it’s inappropriate. Not knowing her backstory maybe that’s the only way in the past that she’s been able to get attention. Talk to her one on one and don’t embarrass her in front of people. Let her know that she doesn’t have to show her body to get attention and to be loved. Dressing so provocatively usually attracts the attention you DONT want. Especially at that age. Good luck.

7 Likes

The girl definitely needs to be talked to and asked to respect the dress code if she’s staying there.

4 Likes

Maybe you shouldn’t be looking. You’re the one being inappropriate bringing something like that up to a child.

1 Like

Hey!!! Morals…love them

3 Likes

I think she needed to hear it from an adult male, the ones she’s seeking attention from, that they don’t like it and it’s not appropriate.

12 Likes

Not your place to say a thing to the girl. Her behavior, not her clothing, suggests she may be coping with a trauma or mental health issue that is leading to her seeking validation. She needs to get into counseling.

Bodies are NOT immoral.

1 Like

I would of definetly had said something but the problem she’s in your mother’s house and she allows it, if she were in YOUR house you would have more say in the situation, she definetly sounds like " LOOK AT ME IM INSECURE" person, people do things like this for sheer attention, it doesn’t matter if its negative or positive attention, it’s ATTENTION, it also seems like she’s going thru something you’re not aware of in her own home or family. But, yes, I would have nicely asked she cover up at least until I’m gone

1 Like

I’m sorry you felt violated. But we shouldn’t be sexualizing her. Is this really where we are today that her clothing is why she is being sexually assaulted? Is she to blame or is it the ones sexualizing her? Maybe she needs some help finding a proper bra size. But you’re not the one to do it now. You’ve already sexualized her and I’m sure she will feel demoralized by you from now on.

1 Like

You were in the right

3 Likes

I would have said something also or talk to mom and have her talk to her.

2 Likes

I think you did the right thing, I’m surprised your mom hadn’t already said something?

4 Likes

Little girls trying to grow up too fast, next one will be pregnant and homeless.

4 Likes

You were right to say something

6 Likes

I’m sorry but if if an underaged girl wearing whatever kind of clothes they want as long as their privates are covered somehow bothers you then you’re part of the problem. You don’t have to like it, or agree with it, but you’re sexualizing a child. If a child’s body somehow is inappropriate for a grown man to be around then that grown man is somebody who shouldn’t be around kids not the other way around.

13 Likes

We live in a world today when people think it’s okay and they have no morals. I can’t tell you how many post I seen in the past few months where parents think it’s okay, they think the guys are the problem because they need to control themselves, girls should be able to show off their body’s and do on. It’s not about having respect for yourself anymore or not showing the whole world what you have.

11 Likes

She is clearly seeking attention. The mother of that house should talk to her about rules and covering up.

13 Likes

We regularly have this fight with our 13yo daughter and I’ll stand on my opinion here… These kids say they shouldn’t be sexualized and we should change the adults that sexualize children, which that part I’m totally on board with! Expose them, prosecute them, I’ll never defend pedophiles and sex offenders! But where I know for certain my daughter has it wrong is in thinking that they can and should be able to dress how they want, do what they want, no matter if it’s age appropriate or not and I’m sorry but no I do not agree🤷‍♀️ There will always be at least 1 bad apple in the bunch so even if we did everything we possibly could, they will still be sexualized by some and at the end of the day, my 13yo isn’t emotionally mature enough to handle said exposure and pressure so absolutely i stand my ground on revealing clothing and full face makeup, etc. She hates us most times and she acts like my husband and I are the most bigoted, ignorant, close minded ppl and really we are both very progressive and so open minded and we both do a lot more to fight for real change then just talking and debating lol. We’re very active in our communities and actually support ppl In hardships and listen to their stories. But you ask my kid and I’m just a boomer🤣 I feel like maybe your delivery could’ve been better but the message obviously absolutely needed to be heard! Your mother should be trying to teach them about this and if she hasn’t then hopefully now she will start. Some kids don’t have parents at home that care enough to have the harder conversations so maybe being around your family she can get a little of something she wasn’t getting at home

STOP SEXUALIZING CHILDREN’S BODIES. You are a grown ass man and the fact that you notice a child’s body is fucking disgusting. Just because you cannot control yourself does not mean she should be made to feel like her body is something to be ashamed of. Grow the fuck up

The thing is, its not your house or your rules. Also society teaches young girls to dress sexy, that is our culture now. Shaming her probably did more harm then good. A lot of kids that dress like that are insecure, want to stand out because their ego are low. To me if she is living with your mom and not her own, there was already a problem. Positive reinforcement works much better. Like praising her when she wears something decent while ignoring when she doesn’t.

1 Like

It’s no surprise your culture is so messed up because you think the guy is at fault for being uncomfortable around a scantily clad young girl. The problem is that because you all have freedom of choice and expression means you can carry your disrespectful behaviour into someone else’s home like you would do your own. Have some dignity and self respect…

Its not your house. You should have brought your concerns to your mother and let her deal with it in her own house. Otherwise, stop sexualizing children 🤷🏻 girls should be allowed to wear whatever the fuck they want. Men don’t own the fucking world.

you were right in telling her she can go be inappropriate somewhere else its not right for her to under dressed in front of male persons or lil kids its disgusting at her age

4 Likes

Hell yes I would have spoke up. As a grown ass woman I don’t want to see teenagers tits and asses hanging out.

I don’t think the underage girl is at fault here… I will always teach my daughter it’s not her responsibility to dress for a mams eye. It’s a bit strange you’re looking at a minor like that. If a grown adult were to say that to my daughter or my daughters friend I would never allow them to step foot in my house again.

5 Likes

They need to learn RESPECT in other people’s homes & RESPECT for themselves :100: You did good :clap:t5::clap:t5::clap:t5:

3 Likes

I think you did the right thing, some one needed to tell her it wasnt appropriate like on a real note how much further would she go had nothing been said, shes a child and should be dressing like a child not a stripper about to go to work

you did the right thing

2 Likes

Come on people she had every right to say some thing she said this child is 14 to 16 years old takes her shirt off (after they came in) and is sitting in her bra when her and the male came in. She had every right to say something, that’s inappropriate… I don’t know about you ladies but if my husband were to walk in with me to someone’s house and the female regardless of age took a shirt off sitting in her bra, I would have a problem, if you don’t have a problem with that then somethings wrong with you?! How in the world can saying that that is an appropriate be sexualizing her? Young ladies and men, for that fact should learn to have a little modesty especially in the company of older people. This was not a group of her peers. A lot of young people have no respect for themselves or anyone else. You did the right thing!

15 Likes

To me it just sounds rude on her part. Not sexualizing in any way, just as manners in general. In a mother’s POV it just seems like a rude, inappropriate thing to do. Possibly a habit for her? Some people just dgaf or don’t seem aware because they were raised in that kind of environment.

I think you did good. Letting her know dressing like that isn’t guna make her look cool or hot. No I’m not ok with slut shaming and I’m all for letting adult woman do what they want to do cuz that’s just our right but a 16 year old girl wanting to get attention from anyone isn’t ok.

1 Like

The ones saying she was wrong yall like seeing children dress like strippers or something ? Get fucking real someone obviously needed to say something to her

You did the right thing​:clap::clap::clap:

1 Like

The when they get rape they wonder y u can’t do that’s there is sick people in this world

I don’t think a girl should have to cover up because a man comes around- that being said I also expect a minor that is also a guest in someone else’s home to have a bit more respect.
Maybe this girls mom hasn’t taught her things. Maybe she’s truly seeking male attention. At 14-16 that’s expected. I think your mom needs to have a talk with her. That’s more your house than it is that little girls- why feel uncomfortable in your families house because some child wants to be sexually appealing?

7 Likes

U had the right to speak up glade u did n do not feel sorry about speaking up

2 Likes

Why is it, if a man makes a woman feel uncomfortable, it needs to stop? But if a man is uncomfortable about a female, it is the man sexualizing her. The girl purposely took her jacket off and had her bra/boobs hanging out, it made him uncomfortable. He had every right to tell her that it makes him uncomfortable.

14 Likes

Absolutely ok for you to say something!
She is a child- and clearly needs some direction
Maybe not how you did-but yeah it needed to be done.

4 Likes

You did the right thing! I would of done the same :clap::clap::clap:

1 Like

Your motives were right on. Maybe your mother or another female discussing this with her would have been more appropriate.

1 Like

You were trying to be helpful but actually, if she’d been sitting by a pool in a bikini would you’ve said anything? If a person feels uncomfortable around people showing skin then that is the person with the problem.

6 Likes

:clap::clap::clap: well done man! Awesome job for speaking out and airing your concerns and uncomfortablity!! There needs to be so much more of this​:bangbang::ok_hand::heart:

3 Likes

I think a man should not be telling females what they think they should or should not wear. You don’t have a right to tell someone to change because you feel inappropriate. What are you feeling inappropriate for in the first place? This is enabling bad male behavior. Unless you’re her dad or brother that could be different. But since you’re not, keep your mouth closed.

5 Likes

So all woman are telling me that if you walk into your parents house and a teenage boy is sitting on the couch with his private parts hanging out your not going to say something?? I wouldn’t want my daughter walking around or sitting around with her ass, boobs or vagina hanging out and I wouldn’t want my son walking around with his penis hanging out.

From what I’m understanding op is male right? And I see a lot of comments saying she has the right to dress however and he shouldn’t have said anything and I 100 percent disagree. If he embarrassed her maybe she will have a little more sense from now on before she runs into a predator. I was a little 12 year old girl flirting with grown men, just looking for attention and it got me raped by a man I felt safe with. No men should never sexualize a child but this is not an ideal world and kids ( boy or girl) need to learn to respect themselves and others.

1 Like

To me this doesn’t have anything to do with the male.
This is about a child who doesn’t seem to have any guidance.
I think you did fine with telling her to get dressed. I sure as hell would have said something. Especially because its not the kids house.

12 Likes

Yep. Someone needed to speak up

2 Likes

How about quit sexualizing a child? She’s her own person, quit letting your insecurities project out onto a child.

8 Likes

You did the right thing.

1 Like

Also, if you’re worried about what a male family member is gonna say about a CHILD. WHY ARE THEY AROUND A CHILD?! Ffs

3 Likes

The fact that you are uncomfortable says more about you than it does about her.

3 Likes

You absolutely did the right thing.this young girl may have never been taught anything. When my oldest granddaughters friend (15 yrs old with a woman’s bod) she changed her clothes in my house and started to walk out door to join other kids in a shirt and black panties.i tried to stop her , then I called my daughter and told her.well turns out it wasnt underwear ( could of fooled me) but some kind of bootie shorts. My grandaughter even told her go put something else on. Shes not dressing like that to go in front of grown men on my watch.

3 Likes

I would have said something as well

You did the right thing. This generation coming up has very low morals and are trying to grow up too quickly. She may not have appropriate adult relationships and think that is appropriate behavior. She maybe needs to be taught how to act appropriately. All this " women shouldn’t have to cover up" crap, is a whole different thing! This is a child and a teaching moment. I have 3 boys and I pray that they listen when I talk to them about being respectful around women and that they will have a better relationship with a woman who has good morals. I pray this girl will find the right guidance in her life to see that she is worth more and should present herself as such.

Ok so the thing is… she is looking for love and validation. Yes its wrong and its sad. You shouldn’t have said anything to her but the mom of the house simply needs to help show her some self love. Shes just a lost girl that needs love… ive been her :cry:

4 Likes

That little girl deliberately does this for the attention. You absolutely did the right thing speaking up. At that age they know better!

9 Likes

Well clearly somebody needed to say something!!! Bravo!!!

3 Likes

As a young man. I would have a talk with your little sister at least and explain to her how it bothers you and how they should not feel their body is the only thing to offer they will catch a guy with the character and other things.

2 Likes

I can’t tell if this is written by a guy or girl
Either way I would have said the same thing

4 Likes

100 percent did the right thing. This child has no guidance on what is appropriate and how to be a lady.

6 Likes

I would have done it a little less explosively or confrontationally, but I definitely would have expressed discomfort at her exposure in a home that is one you should be comfortable in and requested that she act with more respect for herself and the household when a guest there.

2 Likes

Too many pedos. The fact is she is a child. Woman’s body or not. I don’t want my child exposed like that, until she fully understands what it means to parade yourself like a piece of flesh, for attention. Shitty world we live in. :woman_shrugging:

So which male cousin or uncle sexualized you as a child? Because now you are projecting. If there’s a legitimate concern, then speak up. But if it’s just because YOU were uncomfortable…. Grow up. I’m 24 and don’t wear a bra because they are uncomfortable as fuck. Or maybe have someone that has authority over her to sit down and have a real talk with her. But your sister is right, they should be able to dress how they want.

Sounds like you did the right thing

1 Like

For some of these comments that are saying you never should of said anything put yourself in their shoes how would you feel walking into your mothers house and seeing that? Just because its the sisters friend dont mean it shouldnt be delt with id be dammed if i were to walk in and see my sisters friend dressed like that in my mothers house and for the friend to rip off her jacket just to show her bra off because of a man is around sounds like a cry out for attention i have 2 daughters and i dont let them do that kind of stuff unless its just us at home but when anyone comes over they have to make sure they are dressed and if a friend is not dressed in proper clothing i let them know because i will not have my kids dress like that under my roof… I say you did the right thing!!

1 Like

I’m glad you said something. I get she has some attention issues. But that attention issue is going to get her in a lot of trouble or in a terrible situation. Better she learn now then later. Good job :slightly_smiling_face:

6 Likes

But if it was a woman saying something, y’all would be saying he’s sexualizing her…Yet you have an obvious male speaking up, telling someone who PURPOSELY ripped her jacket off on front of him, and it made him uncomfortable, and y’all STILL want to defend that girl?! THIS IS WHAT’S WRONG WITH SOCIETY!!! And for others to tell him he had a problem for thinking that way? He’s uncomfortable with an UNDERAGE girl deliberately getting stark @$$ naked in front of him! Kudos to you man! I’m sorry woman on here are defending the girl with “Oh boo hoo, she needs attention”.

If you are reading this, please ALWAYS stand up for yourself in this backwards world. Because in 30 years, she’ll probably write a hashtag MeToo about you and this moment, and it’ll ruin your life. Not all women are like the other women on this post who invalidate men’s feelings. Thank you for speaking up, because it’s obvious no one else is. I would speak up too, because this girl is walking around like that in front of the moms husband, and the mom is basically okay with it. Psh. Not me.

Don’t sweat it. I would’ve done the same thing. :woman_shrugging:

1 Like

I know! I know! Women shouldn’t be judged by the clothes they wear! But, if she feels she needs to flaunt her skin at such a young age to get attention then something needs to be said. We live in a dangerous world. I would have spoke up or said something in a more private manner with another person like a kid her own age there. My girls are taught modesty and so our my boys.

2 Likes

Girls need to be taught to dress approptiately…the way u dress reflects alot of different ways and any goid man is gonna see it the same way…thank you for telling her when no one else would…

2 Likes

I highly doubt she was sitting there in a bra. Probably a crop top or something similar and you’re assuming it was. You’re also assuming she removed her jacket because a male walked in; she could have been hot. Your sister and mom live there. You do not. You don’t get to decide how a guest in someone else’s house dresses. That is up to the person in charge, and they clearly see nothing wrong with how she is dressing.
Females should not be judged for their clothing choices. Especially children. But if they’re around men who clearly have no self control it’s probably best she wears something else. But for any man who can sexualize a child then they’ve got some bigger issues going on….

4 Likes

Not your house. Not your child. Not your place to speak on anything.

1 Like

No maam. You did the right thing. But you should not have had to say any thing. Your mother should have said something from the beginning. 8 don’t blame you at all

1 Like

This is what I hate! A male feels uncomfortable so a woman needs to change something about herself or clothing bc only of it?!

12 Likes

There’s a lot of comments on here (mostly from other women) saying how she’s asking for her to be assaulted because of the way she’s dressed, and that’s just so damn disheartening, and truly rape culture at its finest. Revealing clothes doesn’t make someone rape. Being a rapist is why someone rapes, period.

If you were so uncomfortable, you could have easily talked to your mother away from the young girls and brought your concerns to her in another way without letting it be known that the way she dresses is making you, a grownup, feel uncomfortable. It’s your mothers house, and if she didn’t have an issue with it, then it’s not your place to say anything.

From a young age women are told to be sexual, and then shamed once they are. I really don’t think she ripped off her jacket just for you to look at her bra either.

And this seems like a good idea to remind you that a child shouldn’t be sexualized, no matter what they are wearing.

I think you were very patient with the situation but something needed to be said. I think you also shut down any ideas that you would be interested in a young girl. Seems like her actions could have been directed toward you. I think something should have been said.

If it makes you uncomfortable… absolutely speak up. Next time tell her if she’s in need of that much attention… she could at least be making money for it on Onlyfans :woman_shrugging:t2:

2 Likes

You did the right thing, ill be dammed if one of our goddaughters were to try that. I get alot of people think its no different then a bikini, which in some ways its not. But theirs a time and place to be dressed in certain clothing. :woman_shrugging:

3 Likes

If the genders were reversed and I had little brothers that had a young male friend staying over, I would find it disrespectful for him to run around my parents house in his underwear. I have a teen sister, I am female, and I still would have said something to my sister’s friend.

5 Likes

Honestly it sounds like a power trip and you have issues to work on. Your in someone else’s house going to get money from them because you likely can’t adult very well yourself so maybe stay in your own lane

11 Likes

Maybe next time call her aside and speak to her.

3 Likes

Not my kid, not my business

1 Like

You probably handled it right but fuck wearing a bra…

Has your parents said anything to them about dressing like that?

Considering this is a mamas group i believe the person who made this is a woman. Also a child being that young should cover up for the sake of being descent. What happened to standards

6 Likes

You’re right! Their behavior is inappropriate and unacceptable.

1 Like

Wow you should’ve shut your mouth, being at home it should be a safe space to wear whats comfortable in their own home. If the girls want to “flaunt their skin :roll_eyes:” at home who cares. Or even when going to school. You’re enabling the predator bullshit by bringing the fact that there are grown men, if you think that a girl should change or put clothes on in front of grown men you shouldn’t bring your kids around them. Not your house not your place. I am constantly in a sports bra and shorts in my own home and if it makes people uncomfortable they are more then welcome to leave but in my home I wear what makes me comfortable, yes even in front of male family members and friends because if I cant trust them to see my like that why would I bring them around my kids? If I had walked into my mom’s house seeing that I would’ve just walked by and ignored it. Like honestly. Next time keep your mouth shut.

Yes! Your mother should not allow it either.

1 Like
  1. I agree that she shouldn’t be flinging her boobs out in front of grown men.

  2. If a grown man can’t be trusted around a child who dresses a certain way, that adult male shouldn’t be near children.

Probably hyper sexuality, I personally wouldn’t have said anything in front of everyone, maybe apologize and next time say it in private. You never know what she’s been through.

1 Like

If you’re seeing anything other than a 16 year old girl, you’re sick.

8 Likes

I 100% agree with you. maybe you should have talked to your mom first but I understand where you were comming from.

3 Likes

Yes that is sickening and she should cover herself. She should have more self respect than that

3 Likes

I applaud you for speaking up! When they are adults they can make that choice but as a child they need to be covered up

9 Likes

If something made me feel uncomfortable I would say something so why can’t he?

5 Likes

Jealous much? Wasn’t your house or your place to say anything to her!

1 Like

Leave her alone! She’s a 16-year-old girl, and most of us went through that or a similar phase. If anything, I’d make her aware of the attention it can draw, both positive (who doesn’t like to feel pretty/sexy?) and negative (predatory). It’s possible that she is also going through a LOT of inner turmoil at the moment, and perhaps that’s the only way she knows how to get attention or feel like she has value. To imply that a person’s body is shameful, or needs to be covered for the comfort of others, is dangerous. It plays into victim blaming, it is oppressive, and to imply that she’s responsible for your (or anyone else’s) comfort at the expense of her own is a dangerous precedent to set. Also? She’s not your child, and it’s not your home. If you truly are concerned for her, see what can be done about finding her someone to talk to. She probably needs a whole lot of support right now. It’s hard enough to be a teenage girl, harder still if there are family matters at play that make things even more complicated and confusing.

14 Likes