You spoke up for yourself and did not degrade her. She listened and covered up. Your younger sister is confusing her feeling of being comfortable in her home with her family and trying to infuse that for her friend. In your sisters private bedroom they can dress however they want but in semi-public a level of respect is shown by dressing appropriately. It appears as if your sisters friend may have some self esteem issues and is looking for attention, albeit the wrong kind of attention. You may have been able to have her start thinking about how she dresses.
GOOD FOR YOU!! (I am a 83 year old grandmother & that type of dressing certainly would NOT be allowed in My house!!) You were following your motherās standards in HER home!! You are a great son!!
You did the right thing.
That said more about you then the girl. Stop sexualizing children. If these males canāt control themselves around a child, thatās on them.
I think you did right
But also she is her own self maybe you need to stop body shaming her
If It was me Iād be like fuck you I dress the way I want to
I have. Big boobs and hate bras
And I get pretty angry when people are like I can see your nipples that makes me uncomfortable
Bitch it makes you uncomfortable that I have nipples
In my opinion donāt like donāt look
There was a mom in my area thought she could tell a other mom how her daughter should dress
If you got the body and confidence
Screw what others think
Sheās 16 she doesnāt need someone hating on her looks
MYOB. If you cannot control yourself, then get yourself a muzzle to wear until you do.
Honestly Iām all about dressing how you want and when it comes to it sheās someone elseās child. Itās up to them to parent her, but in that same instance itās up to them to teach her respect and itās common decency to respect anotherās household. So in my personal opinion you did the right thing, I may have just emphasized while she was there to dress more appropriately.
I donāt blame you. Your mother needs to back you up as well.
I love that you are such a good person. It seems this young girl needs more affirmation in her life, and not for her body. It was good that you said something.
I hope if my girls ever act like that,someone will have the backbone to tell them it isnāt good.
Thank you for speaking up. Someone needs to
Yes, so should your mum have. That inappropriate behaviour in from of anyone.
Expressing your thoughts are always right. Children are exposed to too much under dressing on TV and the internet. Especially the awards programs. My dad used to say that too much exposure leaves nothing for the imagination.
As for if you should have minded your own business Iām not sure. But I will sayā¦
Opinion from a 23 year old straight male.
When girls say āstop sexualizing usā, to me it seems like an excuse to dress very provocative sometimes. Girls now days dress WAY to revealing. Even little girls. I say to parents and girls, Iām not sexualizing you, you are sexualizing yourself by dressing that way! When u see a woman naked it should be special, but if she shows the entire town basically what she looks like naked then itās not special anymore. Kids needs to be kids! Women can dress like whores all they want, I donāt care, but donāt dress in that way and expect to get treated like a lady and find a good husband and man. The only men you are attracting is low value men who will be shitty run away fathers when they get u pregnant.
Myob. Not your kid and not your house. You have no right telling anyone what to do.
Sounds like someone needed to speak up. You did the right thing!
U did the right thing!!! Little girls these days dress so inappropriate and I donāt know how in the hell their parents let them out thw doorā¦Iām so glad I have 3 boys you sound like a very respectful man and good on you for saying something x
I feel sorry for the girl. Whether she has been violated by a man/boy herself or she is just drowning with daddy issues, she is screaming for help! I say maybe take this time to explain things to her. I donāt think the situation was handled wrong per se, because sometimes things need to be said but the girl needs guidance
I think a better approach might have been to sit down and acknowledge that they do have the right to dress how they want. Then ask some questions. Hereās is a good question. When you dress this way, how are you hoping others will see you? In particular, how are you hoping I will see you? I am a grown adult male. The ladies I date present themselves as whole people. I also only date ladies who are past the age of 18. That being saidā¦what are you trying to say to people with your clothing?
(Because every day we get up and get dressedā¦if they are making that much effort to dress in a particular way-no doubt they are attempting to make a statement). Alway be aware of the difference between what you believe you are saying and what people are receiving. You may think this makes you look older and sexy and mature. But to me it feels as if you havenāt had good examples and it makes you seem young and confused. (I guarantee thatās not the look they are going for).
Then say, just something to think on.
Sounds like this girl needed to be told to put on clothes. Sounds like she may need a good role model good for you. I also feel how you though do and my daughter would t leave the house and if I found out she was at her friends acting like thatā¦ sheāll be in the snuggest old turtle neck and pantsā:rofl:
Teach boys not to sexualize women instead of making girls hide their bodies.
You were % right to say something. Itās absolutely appalling and disgusting the way some young girls dress these days. Itās like no one has taught them how to value themselves. Thank you for saying something.
Im not reading all that, but stop judging kids on their clothes.
More adults need to address itā¦they wanted attention, and they got it.
I donāt blame you at all. I would have spoken up.
I would have said something
I would have said something ā¦ I mean Iāve sent my niece home from the bar once to put on more clothes than she had on lol ā¦
100% yes, you did the right thing. Itās your motherās house and the girl is just staying and needs to show some respect in someone elseās house
You did a good job with speaking up. Somebody needed to tell her this along time ago.
You were rightā¦
Something is going on with her & she needs someone to care enough to let her know, yesā¦dress how you please but not all attention is good attention.
If you donāt like a 16 year old wearing what she wants around men sounds to me like you need to stop bringing those men around the kids obviously you donāt trust those GROWN MEN to look at a child.
It should have actually been your mother that said something honestly. Because in my house (my house MY rules) young girls wouldnāt be dressing that way. Wear appropriate clothes or donāt stay here. Child or not, follow house rules.
You did the rite thing. She needs to know she makes other uncomfortable when she dresses like that. #Period
Not your child. Not your house. Not your body. If YOU are uncomfortable with how someone dresses, thatās a YOU problem.
Absolutely!
She was looking for attention & you gave her negative attention & told her how to be appropriate around adults.
NO shame in that.
Stop sexualizing girls. Let her wear what she wants. Her body her prerogative. Enough with the policing of womenās bodies ffs. If anyone is uncomfortable with how I or any other woman dresses, thatās not my problem.
Way too many of yāall are comfortable with sexualizing children, for starters. Deal with that first and then address your internalized misogyny that leads you to feel compelled to shame other women for being comfortable in their own skin.
You had every right to say something. I do it at my house .
Something is going on with her, she rips her jacket off as soon as a Male walks inš„ thatās not normal. I wouldāve said something to
You do not live there and you sexualized a child. Gross. Girls that age DO try to get attention in inappropriate way, ESPECIALLY when they have been abused. Your job is to keep it moving and ignore it. Yet you shamed her. Stop that.
Yes, you did the right thing. There is simply mot enough modesty in todayās world. Young people desperately need guidance on ethics, morals and values. Get them involved in a church, is Young Life still around, does anyone know ? Ask them to help with chores and no, donāt pay them, they are paid with feelings of accomplishment and self-worth. Be a good role model for them, teach them about finances & budgeting. Teach them about things that we wish we knew growing up, try to protect them from the evils of this world. They will thank you one day
Your mother should say something. She is letting her get away with it. Needs to set rules and bounderies. I would have talk to your mother.
You did the right thing. Why does your Mom allow this to go on in her home though? Not be happening in my home!!!
I would have said something too. Thatās not right for her to walking around someone elseās house like that. If it was her house, itād be different. Thatās just a complete lack of respect.
You arenāt wrong sounds like she has been around somethings in her life already looking for attention. If your a male I would stay away from her before she try something
You were absolutely right. Iām surprised your mom didnāt say something. Does she think itās ok for the girl to dress like this?
There is a lot to be said for teaching childrenāboys and girlsāto take some pride in themselves and to be appropriate. I got my ass jumped by more than one adult that wasnāt my parentāaunts, uncles, friendās parentsāif I was doing something wrong or stupid and my parents were not right there.
In private obviously she is seeking attention in all the wrong ways
If sheās a child why are you or an adult man sexualizing her?? Seems like youāre the only one with a problem
Stripper with no values in the making.
I applaud you for speaking up
Good for you. This child may not realize not all males like to look at women half clothed. Iām sure your parents want her to feel at home but she is not related to anyone in that house and should dress more appropriately.
i wouldāve done the same thing. we gotta protect these girls
You absolutely did the right thing! There is absolutely nothing wrong with correcting inappropriate behavior!
Thatās ur momma house let your mom handle it. You have expressed ur feeling on the subject.
Yes, someone who cares for another human is always doing the right thing. What she is doing is being done to attract attention. What we need to teach the young is that there are two types of attention, heathy and unhealthy. This is unhealthy and if it were a stranger with bad intentions, they would have taken advantage of her. What did she go through in her home life?
I canāt believe some are saying this isnāt right. Just because you think it is cool and trendy to dress a certain way, does not stop the fact that people take advantage of people exploring themselves. And yes you can say āoh well, then so-and-so should be taught to respect womenā, because at the end of the day people will do as they please. There are good men and there are bad men, they cannot be lumped together. The bad men will always take advantage of whatever, whomever, whenever because thatās just what bad HUMANS do. THEY take advantage of naivety and innocence for their own pleasure.
A bra is no different than a bikini top and usually covers more. A girl should be able to wear whatever she wants without being told to cover up. Sounds like youāre one of those people who would tell a nursing mom to cover up because it makes YOU uncomfortable. Guess what, if you donāt like it, DONT LOOK! That simple. Quit sexualizing kids. Unless sheās YOUR child, you have no say.
I think you done the right thing. I wish more guys would do this because young girls are showing way to much skin these days. You should be able to be comfortable in your home
Yes your right say something.
Sheās a guest I feel certain things are inappropriate to wear if youāre guest in someoneās home regardless of age. Be comfortable but donāt walk around someoneās home half naked. On the topic of age though I feel you did the right thing although adults shouldnāt be sexualizing kids adults have a responsibility to let them know this exist and help them avoid those type of situations.
Thatās understandable, but grown men should have some kind of self control itās not up to high school girls to keep grown ass men or woman in control by what they wear. Just my opinion.
I personally think your mom should address this and put a stop to it
You did the right thing, I dont know why some ladies are saying , stop sexualizing if you were thereās no way youād tell her put clothes on her, and how the hell itās ok to rip off ur jacket as soon as you see 2 young males enter the room. We need to teach our girls that they dont need to be bare skin to gain attention from men. Choops with some of those responses from grown women.
There are people who believe the only way to get people to like you, and be attracted to you is to show off your bodyā¦to sexualize themselves. Id say itās her choice to dress how she wants but seeing her response to men walking in, I feel like sheās simply doing it to get menās attention.
Hopefully enough time with people who can teach her that her brain, and her personality are far more important than her body will encourage her to dress for herself, however that may be. It makes me sad you were the only adult to say anything though.
Oh yes I would have said something too!!! We have you g grand daughters. They range from 5/15 yeas of age. They know better. Theirs Moms will say would your Pawpaw like to see you in that. If the answer is no they change.
You need to say something, itās not appropriate and Iām sure she knew it, looking for
Attention it looks like
Ladies who are jumping this man ! How would you feel if it was your daughter and she ended up hurt because she seeked out the wrong attention he did nothing wrong atop blaming him ! This is why so many girls are missing or dead because we think this behavior is ok
You could have done it privately as to not embarrass r shame her. Or had your mom say something since it is her house and not yours.
But also the girl doesnt need to be made to feel like she HAS to cover up just to keep others comfortable. Would you say it was inappropriate to wear a bikini at the beach? Then why is inappropriate to wear a crop top?
She NEEDS to hear that. She clearly doesnāt adults in her life telling her to dress like a young lady, maybe apologize to her for snapping like that and have a talk about why itās inappropriate. Youāre trying to protect her just like you would your little sister, she is a minor and needs to dress like a young lady. When sheās 18 she can do whatever she wants but right now she needs guidance.
Honestly I think you did the correct thing it seems that up until you guys showed up she was well covered up and then decided take it off and make eye contact. That itself would make me feel uncomfortable. Iām all for kids dressing how they like but this sounds like she maybe interested or have some type of daddy issues. I mean imagine if it was the other way around a under aged boy walking around in his boxers always trying to make eye contact being super uncomfortable in a always making eye contact way.I would have said the same we are all entitled to our feelings and have a right to speak up. Just like she can be entitled to her feelings so are others, if sheās going to walk around like that sheās going to be hearing worse things than a respectful young man asking her to dress appropriately. MEN ARE ALLOWED TO FEEL VIOLATED!!! PLUS WHAT THE FUCK IS SHE DOING STAYING IN YOUR MOMS HOME WHILE HER PARENTS āfixā AN ISSUE??? Sounds like the whole family is full of cramp and not being properly taken care of???
I think you did the right thing. Because she is dressing like that for attention and you dont want anyone to take advantage of her.
I would absolutely want someone to say something to my child in these circumstances and then come and talk to me about the situation so I can explain to her why something was said to her in the first place. It sounds to me like her home life is rocky and sheās seeking attention.
Wow.
-This is not your home to make this boundary in.
-Itās the grown mansās job to control his own behavior. The way someone is clothed does not impact another persons behavior.
-I am sure thereās something with this girlās behavior. Have empathy. Build a relationship with her.
-Again, not your house. Talk to your mom about it. But she chose to let this girl stay.
Do you tell your brothers, male cousins, etc to cover up when/if they walk around without a shirt on?
Say something before she ends up pregnant
100% You did the right thing. This girl is going to grow up thinking that the only way she can get a males attention is by showing/using her body in the way she did when you entered the house. Maybe you could get your mum to give a talk to
Both girls about how males donāt always look for that in a woman and that they look for different features, such as
Caring, Independent , helpful etc
Check out articles like this
Not your house, not your business. If you are uncomfortable with it, I can only guess that there is some attraction there but you know you canāt screw her because of her age.
Control yourself. Regardless of what a minor girl is wearing or not wearing, is none of your business. Just as Jesus said, if your eyes cause you to lust, pluck your effin eyes out.
Would you say the same thing if she were on a beach and wearing a bikini? I doubt it.
There is nothing inherently sexual about the human body and you are sexualizing a minor child.
Learn to control yourself, tell your male cousins to control themselves, look away, or grow tf up.
I think what you did is a normal reaction. It probably could have been done in another way true, however, itās out there now.
At this point, it might be good to have a sit down with your Mom and sister; discuss the reason for your concern and why itās so uncomfortable/wrong. At her age, she doesnāt have the same maturity as adults do. Sheās enjoying being young. She doesnāt understand the danger that is out there in this world yet (hopefully she never will)!
I donāt know what amazes me more about this postā¦ the lack of reading comprehension on the part of so many or so many people defending a teenage girl for inappropriate behavior. What in the world happened to modesty? These are high school freshmen. How and when did this become acceptable behavior out of children?
You did the right thing, I definitely would have said something to her. That in not appropriate and hopefully she will come to realize that
I wouldāve done the exact same thing.
I think you were right doing what you did and said she needs to learn about modesty
Please mention it again and again publicly or notā¦ She needs to hear it!
I absolutely would have. Regardless of what your sister thinks. I think that wearing something like that sends the wrong impression of her to anyone she meets. I was this girl and I did wear stuff like this and I was put in my place by my aunt and she told me exactly what she thought of it and told my mother to not be so lenient with me. After that I dressed appropriately. Whether this girl liked it or not she should of still had the respect for everyone in the house and not dressed the way she did.
U did right . Sheāll remember this in the future . Always speak if a situation makes u uncomfortable or feel a certain type of way
Iām shocked at some of these comments. Sheās a child and acting like that could attract a creep who might try take advantage of her. As much as āmen should control them selvesā you canāt trust everyone there are sick evil people in this world and kids are getting hurt everyday. We need to protect the children and that also means teaching them how to protect themselves even if that means telling her to cover up. You did the right thing
Good for you for speaking up
No. No-one told the millions of men of all ages ive seen with thier shirts off in thier houses or friends houses to put a shirt on. If I would have said I didnāt like such and such guy walking around with thier shirt off they would have told me to go home then. stop double standards
She took it off when she noticed a male was in the room, she wanted him to see, maybe she wants him to like her
Touch your head, touch your toes! If anything is exposed go change your clothes! Simple! My mum taught me that, I teach my kids that. They are well aware of it too. Our 13yr old daughter has a mate staying this week and she had a provocative dress, our daughter said my parents wont let you leave the house in that winning! Good on you for saying something.
You did right by her and your sister. My oldest son watches my daughters social media and āfriends and friends of friendsā closer then I do!!! Iām thankful when he brings stuff to my attention. Your mom should thank you as well!!!
She sounds like a slut and you slut shamed her which in my oppinion i would have too, however you dont know what she gets exposed to at home that may be the norm. Maybe you should have said something privately to those who live there as its not your home and if you were uncomfortable enough to slut shame you should have gotten ur cash and left
Iām a woman and agree some clothes or lack there of are completely inappropriate she should be wearing AGE APPROPRIATE clothing honestly I believe some clothes sold for kids such as bikinis for babies are completely wrong and are literally there just to sexualize these poor children
As a mother of 4 daughters I applaud your actions. I would want someone to say something if one of my girls was behaving and dressing like that. They need to know there are times and places to dress like that if they are home alone itās one thing but never do anything to someone that would make you feel uncomfortable if roles were reversed. Thatās what I always taught my girls. I hope your mom talks with her sounds like she needs positive influence in her life.
I mean maybe stop sexualizing young girls?
Nope. Just nope. A MAN being around in the Family home shouldnāt render the house unsafe. You just facilitated rape culture and embodied slut shaming. Not cool.
If I take my grandkids to a hot springsāthere are some naked people. It isnāt even a thing.
I am shocked at the number of women postings who facilitate rape culture and slut shaming. Not winning.
Out of respect for your motherās home and family she definitely shouldnāt be dressing like that. Tell her when sheās in her own home she can do as she pleases but when sheās in your motherās home she needs to respect or leave period. If your sister has a problem with it same goes for her. She needs to respect her mother and make sure her friends respect when their in her house.
Yeah I woulda said something. Sheās a child still, thatās gross
The mother who the girl is staying with, needs to have a talk with both girls.
Good for you. She needs to learn she could be playing with fire.
It felt intentional the time you said something about it.
I probably would have said something too and left as well.
Dressing how you want at home is a little different when you have company over; especially when the person under dressed is a minor who seems to be doing it on purpose now.