What should I do about my controlling husband?

Dump him or your life will be hell. He is insecure, not trusting, and he will not change. You need him like a root canal.

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You need to leave. He accuses because he is guilty. Do not let him fool you or black mail you. Any man who would neglect their child because of not being with the mother is a piece of shit. Please leave for yourself and your daughterā€¦ Wouldnā€™t you want your daughter to leave and fight for her happiness? :purple_heart::nazar_amulet:

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Lo quieres? Pero no te hace feliz. Tiene una inseguridad que no se la quitarƔ nadie( no es tu culpa) mi consejo es que de una vez y por todas lo dejes. Ve a la corte de familia y demƔndalo para que mantenga al niƱo. El no va a cambiar. Ya te abusa verbalmente , pronto vendrƔn los golpes. Eres joven consigue un trabajo y echa adelante. Tu puedes. No te dejes llevar por el amor que dices tenerle porque te puede llevar a la tumba. Cuƭdate y mucha :four_leaf_clover:.

Move the hell on. Itā€™s toxic. Why drink poison? And you are teaching your daughter this toxic behavior is ok. Wake the hell up

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Run fast for your mental health and your childā€™s he behavior is not normal and will only continue to keep getting worse.

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Sounds like guilt to me to be honest. I have been in a relationship like this, I didnā€™t have children, but it turned out he was cheating. Noone should ever have to go through verbal and mental abuse. I think itā€™s would be healthiest for you to move on, especially if he wonā€™t put forward the effort to work on it through counseling. The kid sees, hears and feels everything yall are going through. Put the baby first and do whatā€™s best.

If heā€™s accusing you for no reasonā€¦ heā€™s guilty!!

Leave him. Heā€™s accusing you of every little interaction because he is the one cheating. Cheaters always ALWAYS like to accuse their partners of doing wrong because theyā€™re the one doing wrong. Sorry hun you just need to leave, he will act like he wants to keep you and say heā€™ll change if you say youā€™re leaving, but he will not change and eventually will put you down to the point that you just feel like your nothing.

Run

Get a job
Put him on child support.
Divorce him trust me your lucky you got away
Hes probably cheating and accuses you so you dont snoop

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Sometimes those who accuse are the guilty ones. Sometimes not. You already separated because of his behavior. If he wont get counseling and refuses to change then you already know the answer to your question. If you are looking for reassurance from this group then I think you have it. God bless.

Trauma Bond is not love ā€¦ heā€™s likely a narcissist and will never change. Going forward is taking care of you and your kid, not him.

Tell him to fuck right off you deserve better and remember your priority is your child

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Sorry to say but his behaviour is not OK, stay separated, all your showing your daughter is that itā€™s OK for a man to treat her like your partner does you. It will be hard but I think youā€™ll be better off in the long term

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Normally when people get so jealous (and they donā€™t have a mental health condition like BPD which can cause these feelings) they are usually doing things they shouldnā€™t themselves so it makes them paranoid that someone may do it to them. Iā€™d tell him it has to stop or thatā€™s it you are divorcing. Itā€™s not healthy and itā€™s controlling and illegal.

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Been there and took 19 years to escape. This is coercive controlling behaviour. Get out please

Was in verbally abusive relationship for 11 years never got physical because he knew I would fight back. But 20 years after divorce found out he has another son younger than ours so sometime in those 11 years he was accusing me he was the one doing wrong.

He is gaslighting, if he is accusing you of doing something it is wat he is doing. It is mental m verbal abuse, leave him now. He has no right to treat or speak to you like that.

Please get out of that. Please leave. Get a job and start a new life, you dont deserve to be miserable because he is.
My advice will be to divorce him and keep a distance.
If he wants to be part of your child life good,if not wellā€¦
Please be careful, what you are describing is not ok.

Narcissistic gaslighting. Run

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Its verbal abuse te?l him to quit or your done

So heā€™s abusing youā€¦ time to move on. And he didnā€™t have to sign the divorce papers. Judge will sign it with or without his signature. If heā€™s the one accusing you, more than likely heā€™s the 1 cheatingā€¦ you definitely donā€™t want him as an example for your daughter. You donā€™t want your daughter thinking that thatā€™s the way a woman is to be treated, abused emotionally and mentally is not ok. Think of your kid. You donā€™t love him either. You probably just think heā€™s all you can get because Iā€™m pretty sure thatā€™s what he tells you. Put in your big girl panties, pull up your pants and get on it if there. Womanā€™s shelter, friends family members house. Just run and get a restraining on him tooā€¦

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Your husband is probably messing with one or moreā€¦ You should get out before he gives ya a disease or some sh!t

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They usually accuse you of what their doing

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Hmmm i can totally relate. n its sadā€¦

Leave. Now. Heā€™s a narcissist. Heā€™s trying, and succeeding to isolate you. The longer you stay, the more chance that this will escalate. Also, if you stay, you are teaching your child that this is the way she should be treated. Run, and run far. Donā€™t look back.

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LOVE and RESPECT YOUR SELF FIRST. He is doing all of that to you because you allow him to do it. You should learn to love and respect your self first before someone will do that to you. See your worth as a mother, a woman and a person. Show him that you can stand on your own without his help. Always remember that no one should ever treated nor make you feel less of a person. Take care and Godbless

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Get out while you can. He is a control freak & is possessive. That kind of man is dangerous & will never change. If he wonā€™t leave then I suggest you get a court order to get him out. File for divorce & do what you want to do. I.e get a job etc.

Stay away from him and keep your little one away from him. I would say divorce. He sounds like a typical cheater. Blaming you because he knows what he is doing. You and your child deserve so much better. I had a parent just like this and my mom stayed and it destroyed me and my mom she has since passed and he has nothing to do with me which is fine. Please do not go back to him he will not change.

Been there in controlling abusive relationship for 20 yrs finally escaped got my own place and built myself fairly well back up meet a lovely man who Iā€™m now engaged too totally different to the ex donā€™t ever let anyone control or abuse you your worth more

Usually the accuser is the cheater

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He is obviously the one doing wrong. I canā€™t stand a controlling man. If you want to live a miserable life then stay if you want to be happy and to be yourself then leave it will only get worse.

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Just leave him nowā€¦ personal experience hereā€¦ it only gets worseā€¦ and what my ex was accusing me ofā€¦ well that is what he was actually doingā€¦:pleading_face:

Megan Walther is very correct!!move onā€¦

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This is something you have to do, you been operated for 3 months stay away and get a job.

Run now, I stayed in a marriage for 15 years and I finally got out and met a man that showed/shows me what true love looks like

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Oh hes cheating. He wouldnt be so dang mental like this Iā€™d he wasnt. Get out, find proof.

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Look up the definitions for narcissist and gaslighting. My ex was exactly the same way. Itā€™ll be hard to get your heart on the same page as your head but you already know in your mind what you want & need to do. If youā€™re looking for validation, I validate youā€¦

Leave now and donā€™t look back

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Heā€™s trash, leave him.

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Heā€™s cheating. This is how they act.

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Whether he is cheating or not is irrelevant. He is mentally abusive, gaslighting you and the whole not wanting to provide for the child is the cherry on top. Divorce this man. Stop listening to your heart and start listening to your brain. You and your child deserve better

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Go to counseling yourselfā€¦you need support whether you stay or leave.

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Runā€¦ the accuser is usually the one. Been there.

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The one always pointing fingers is the one with a dirty hand. Leave the situation. Wonā€™t get better. Been there

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Even if things get a little better here and there with counseling, they always go back to who they are deep down. You and your kid(s) will have to tolerate this for the rest of your lives if you choose to stay.

Heā€™s cheating and projecting it on you. Anything he accuses you of is to deflect it off him. Heā€™s holding you hostage by not letting you work and you feel you have no options because you rely on him.

Leave now. If you canā€™t do it for yourself, do it for your child. You need counseling for yourself, but do that AFTER you leave.

Iā€™m speaking from personal experience. Donā€™t even ask him to get counseling, no more chances. They tend to lie in counseling and make you look like the crazy one.

Best of luck. I got out a little lateā€¦he started physically abusing me. I dealt with it ā€œbecause I loved him and he was the father of my childrenā€. Then he got to my daughter with the physical abuse.

Thatā€™s when I FINALLY left.

Those who act paranoid of others are guilty of what theyā€™re picking at you forā€¦
Just saying.
Leave his ass.

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Hes cheating and checking up on you . Hes accusing you because heā€™s a guilty conscience. Been there .donā€™t that . Made me feel insane and crazy for years n years ā€¦ Fucking run. ā€¦

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In my opinion if heā€™s constantly accusing you he might be cheating or has some sort of mental illness, or like my x husband both. You should definitely go file for that divorce. Even if he doesnā€™t show your still divorced. Donā€™t even worry about child support at the moment/ if there is any kids. If there not run and donā€™t tell him where you are.
Good luck Iā€™m in a similar situation and it can only get better from here.

Heā€™s cheating! Facts and also your child can have a step dad who treats her and loves her to death and can be a positive role model. Thereā€™s literally nothing youā€™ve said that is redeeming about him

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Ok so take him to court for child support. Find another man that treats you like a human. Hey, youā€™re being accused of cheating anyway may as well have fun.
Seriously you know the answer or you wouldnā€™t have separated and asked this question on Facebook. If youā€™re looking for someone to agree with you the divorce court will handle that. The guy deserves to be alone. What an @$$

Went through this exact same thing!! Currently in the middle of a divorce and unfortunately still dealing with it. I actually have him blocked everywhere. However he emails constantly, just sent me a screenshot the other day of a male that he is sure Iā€™m withā€¦:woman_facepalming:t3: it wonā€™t get better. Take the advice, leave.

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On youre boat except we are not married and have just had baby number 1 together. Run now.

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Run think of your girl ā€¦this is not what love looks like ā€¦donā€™t let her grow up thinking this is how man should treat a woman ā€¦its not about your futur now but hersā€¦: ) good luck

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We will end up beating uā€¦leave now before itā€™s to late

You do you and your baby girl, leave him to his twisted ways and he will eventually see what he lost. You are a strong woman raising an even stronger little girl.

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Run, and work on your spelling and grammar.

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Mentally and emotionally abusing you, hopefully you will see your worth soon x

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Run! I was once married to just that! Get out.

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LEAVE!! Donā€™t put up with this crap.

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Coercive control. Do you love him or have you been brainwashed into believing you canā€™t do better??

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Went through this same exact thing! Divorce was the best thing that happen for my son & I! Come to find out, he was the one cheated numerous times. Ended in protective orders, court, Guilty mind got the best of him!

BeƧuse heā€™s cheating or wants toā€¦

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This sounds like Stockholm syndrome

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Sounds like a classic case of living with a narcissist. My best friend is currently in this situation and her husband refuses to let her have contact with anyone including her own family, just his. He even sent me threatening messages and called me obscenities because I was trying to bypass him to get to her.

If heā€™s refusing help and is neglecting his own family, no amount of love from you will change him since he truly believes youā€™re the issue, not him. You may need some time to process that, but what you absolutely need to bear in mind is that you ARE deserving of a loving and healthy relationship. You need to surround yourself with a support system during this transition if the route you decide to take is separating fully. He does not trust you, nor is he showing that heā€™s capable of reciprocating your feelings for him. Even if you admit the falsehood that you might have done anything to hurt him, it wonā€™t get better, itā€™ll only be something different eventually. I wish you and your little one the best of luck, you both deserve to be loved and cherished.

The accuser is usually the guilty one šŸ¤·ā€¦as hard as it is, go & get on with your lifeā€¦ you or your child donā€™t need or deserve that kind of treatment.

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It is him doing this himself and blaming you, get out it only gets worsešŸ„²

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If your daughter was in this type of relationship, what advice would you give her?

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If they start accusing you of being unfaithful ā€¦ Chances are he is cheating and itā€™s his guilty conscience that makes him blame you so that he then makes his self justify why he is a peice of SHIT. This is going to be blunt but HE WILL NOT CHANGE ā€¦ IT WILL NOT GET BETTER ā€¦ IT WILL GET WORSE. I just hope to God he doesnā€™t put his hands on you, for something he is actually doing behind your back. May God give you the STRENGTH to leave him. You deserve a one woman man!!

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Sounds a little one-sided to give a sound advice

If u 2 had a wonderful marriage after the honey moon stage of getting together trust that if u stick by his side things will work me & my husband r going thru the same shit except itā€™s me Iā€™m the bitch lolā€¦ Long story short he put me thru hell & now I have anger issues but no matter what he has always stuck by my side. Maybe u did something that really hurt him & hates u for it but he loves u & canā€™t let u go just give him time & patience & cut off unnecessary people & have less time w uā€™re loved ones u donā€™t have to explain nothing to no one just let everyone know that u working on uā€™re marriage or u need time to uā€™re self pay attention to him & focus on uā€™re family cause if everything was ok once things will b ok again especially if he really loves u & Iā€™m not saying that may be u did something to him to change it could have been a friend of family member but when people go thru shit just know that people change for the worstā€¦ GOOD LUCK

Leave NOW!!! After 9 years itā€™s obvious he is not going to change his selfish narcissistic behavior. Get your self respect and get out quick, youā€™ve wasted too much time with this immature, insecure guy.

Choose your child, have all documents for her and you and bank accounts that you need, go to the domestic violence advocate in your area, ask for help. Take your baby out of that situation. Once you are out you will see that situation with him is abuse, to you and your child. No matter how much you love him, he will not change. You can get help through programs where you live. Do it before it gets any worse, because it will get worse if it hasnā€™t already. You deserve better. Even if you donā€™t feel like you do, your child does. They didnā€™t choose him you did. Put them first. Find your strength in that! Good luck. Donā€™t let him intimidate you. He will threaten you, and use your child to control. Trust me. Be careful.

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Oh dear my friend! Control IS a form of abuse! It may be that he is cheating (I am sorry for even saying this) and he may be accusatory of you to try to hide what he is doing. Please, please, please be safe because controlling abuse may escalate to physical abuse!!! Please have a back up plan to ensure both you and your daughters safety! Sending love, strength and prayers to you honey! :heart::pray:

You are not the problem! He is ā€¦ I lived like that and wasted 20 years of my life going back and forth with a man like that. I exhausted and depleted myself worth. This is mental and emotional abuse. It is hard to come back fromā€¦ You know YOUā€¦ if you know what you want for your childā€¦ Do the same for You and your childā€¦ :purple_heart:

YES ::Be Quick about it :::GET OUT ::: U and your baby deserve more ::: Living or existing this way is totally wrong and un necessary ::: Get Help for U and your baby ASAP > Good Luck

He has deep severe mental issues get you and your daughter out of that picture ASAP

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. https://answers.mamasuncut.com/t/what-should-i-do-about-my-controlling-husband/13743

Dude has issues. Itā€™s only gonna get worse and more severe. Get out while you can

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Leave him while you still can.

He doesnā€™t have to consent to the divorce

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You are living my life I know exactly how you feel

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He is probably a cheatingā€¦

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Leave. Absolutely leave.

First off, NEVER let your child be neglected due to a man! Thatā€™s where I draw the line. That wouldnā€™t be happening with me.

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Usually the one that accuses constantly are the ones doing it.

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Do whats best for you and your child. Trust issues usually stem from insecurities. You may not be the unfaithful one here. Either way, he has no right to take it out on your child. Thatā€™s abuse. Period. To both of you. Do your best to get out safely.

Get out and stay out x ur child and u will be better off .

Guilty dog barks 1st.

Ask yourself if you really want to spend the next 10 years of your life dealing with this. Next, ask yourself if you want your daughter thinking this is how relationships are supposed to be. None of us can make this decision for you, but I will say that a healthy relationship/marriage takes more than love alone. Also, it doesnā€™t have to be physical to be abuse.

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I was in the same boat girl telling you they will deny deny deny an nothing will change get out while you can yes my divorce was hell cause he wanted to refuse but I still made it out an me an my kids are way better off

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Hes not gonna change. Hes a narcissist. Sounds a lot like the guy I was with. Didnt workā€¦ Made my life a living hell. Legit broke me and my happiness. I tried EVERYTHING and ended up losing myself instead of fixing him. Hes a grown ass man throwing tantrums and acting like a child. Educate yourself on narcissism. Alsoā€¦ My narc was constantly accusing me of sleeping with legit everyoneā€¦i got into his phone one day bc i had had enough. HE was the one doing the cheatingā€¦and i was sticking around trying to fix shit that he brokeā€¦or things that werent even broken. Educate yourself on TRAUMA BONDING. And rememberā€¦hes the one not workingā€¦in actuality he needs you. Stand your ground. And goodluck.

I left my husband for 3 monthā€¦he now knows if he starts with his insecurities I mean businessā€¦

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You need to put you daughter first and do right for her. Him not providing is not ok and you staying is not ok. Think about you child already this isnā€™t fair to her.

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You are being actively abused. I suggest seeking out therapy know your own to sort through these feelings. NEVER go to therapy with an abuser.

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If heā€™s accusing you that hard Iā€™d say he has something to be guilty about. He might just be cheating himself. You need to get yourself a job and move on with your life.

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If your child is suffering why are you posting on fb? Get your life together and kick him to the curb. Respect yourself. If heā€™s constantly accusing you of these things itā€™s likely heā€™s projecting his actions on to you.

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I stayed for 18 years, dealing with this kind of thing. Unfortunately, it gets worse. Please leave.

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This is a shit show and totally annoying. I wouldnā€™t tolerate it . You get 1 life to live . Go live yours and enjoy it with your kid.
You do you do !

Thats abusive behavior and itā€™s very unlikely to stop. Are you sure you love him?

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