What should I do about my controlling husband?

Question- is he an alcoholic??

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Heā€™s the one cheating. Run, donā€™t walk, away as fast as you can!

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He sounds like my ex husband. I was married to him for 7yrs and acts like you described. A narcissistic idiot and I file for a divorce

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You deserve to live in a loving relationship. Control will increase and likely to become violent if the pattern holds.

Narcissist.
You need to pack you and your daughter up and leave. File for divorce. If thereā€™s a child involved, heā€™s not going to be able to refuse a divorce. :woman_shrugging:t4:

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You need to divorce him . Red flags all over the place! I suggest you get counseling too . Obviously youā€™re being abused . He wonā€™t change . I know from personal experience. You also have a child that needs you to protect them from this awful behavior. If you canā€™t leave for you , do it for your kid !

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My mother always said. Those who distrust are the ones who should not be trusted. Sounds to me like you should use your head ā€¦instead of your heart

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Leave - this is not what your daughter needs to grow up thinking is how she should let someone treat her.

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Iā€™m curious if youā€™ve ever cheated in the past? If not he has serious issues and needs mental help. Anyways this is very abusive behavior. Youā€™re only enabling it by staying. There is no other option but to either leave or live your life being mentally tormented. Leaving someone is almost like grieving the death of a loved one but it will be worth it in the end.

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Iā€™d bet the farm hes having an affair

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If your separated then you donā€™t even have to talk to him unless itā€™s about the kid. Get a job, have friends and live life the way your supposed to live it. That will give you the motivation to leave the loser

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In my experience, the accuser is actually the guilty.

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Why do you want to stay with him? He sounds abusive and controlling. Do you want your child to grow up thinking that is normal?

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Heā€™s more than controlling! Thatā€™s not love at all. I was married to a guy for 7 yrs and together a total of 16. I finally left and came across someone that shows me the real meaning of love and how I should be treated.

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Run, donā€™t walk. He is abusive

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Most likely he is guilty of something and projecting that on to you.

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Stockholm syndrome. Youā€™ll only be able to leave when youā€™re fed up

Get rid of Facebook for a while and let things cool down

He accuses u hes the cheaterā€¦invedtigate

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Iā€™ve learned from past experience if theyā€™re accusing you of it theyā€™re likely the one doing what theyā€™re accusing you of doing.

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DIVORCE! You and your child donā€™t need that headache and itā€™s just gonna get worse. Take it from personal experience hun. The sooner you get out the better.

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Thatā€™s abuse at itā€™s finest girl seek help

Why would you even consider staying in a relationship where there is no trust he is controlling you and mentally abusing you walk away he is not worth the heartache :broken_heart:

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Get a restraining order get him out

Hes a narcissist that is gaslighting you. File and get out while you can. He wonā€™t have a choice in a divorce

You go get counseling help yourself

In my experience when I was being accused it was because he was cheating.

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Guilty people always blame other people

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I didnā€™t see a single positive word used to describe him. Do you actually love him, or do you love the man that you wished he was? To me, it looks like you are loving the ghost of the man you fell in love with. Time to let go, he has shown you who he really is.

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No matter how much you say you love him, he will not change. Run and donā€™t look back

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Please leave trust me men like your husband wonā€™t change and itā€™ll get worse as time goes on. Men like him wonā€™t benefit from counseling either and the ones who ā€œseemed to changeā€ havenā€™t itā€™s just a facade they put on because they donā€™t want to lose their ā€œpossessionā€ but once they get their grip on you again n more the controlling part will get way worse. Please file for divorce and get away from him. Heā€™s not the one trust me cause if he was you would treat you like a queen day in day out and never accuse you or control you. Also your little girl doesnā€™t need to be in an environment thatā€™s toxic because you donā€™t want her to grow up thinking itā€™s okay for men to treat women like your husband is with you.
File for divorce
File for custody
File for child support

And if u gotta file for a protection order. This man DOES NOT deserve you nor your daughter either

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You need therepy to help you get mentally strong, he has beat you down and conditioned you to take this behavior. Heā€™s brain washed you.
If he refuses help then there is your answer. He cares little for your happiness or he would work hard on a healthy relationship.

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I think itā€™s time to go donā€™t stay for the kids and donā€™t just stay for love ā€¦if you love him as much as you say you do make a pros and cons list what do you love about him do you want your kids doing what he does to others if you can answer honestly then I think you know what you have to do it will be so much better for you and your kids and you can ask for child support the way he is acting shows how inmature he is and you donā€™t need a grown baby man put you and your kids first it will be hard but so worth it after youā€™ll feel different and it sounds like heā€™s more than just controling which are red flags and it can always escalate from what heā€™s doing now get out now!

If they are accusing you he is doing it.
Trust me.

Run!

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Loving someone but hating what they do is not sustainable, it is extremely unlikely he can change his behavior so its all on you. love will turn to tolerance, and tolerence will turn to intolerence, and hatred wont be far behind, cut your losses now, dont take your child down this highway

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If you will not leave there is nothing anyone can do

Heā€™s probably guilty of what he accuses you of.

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Ahhh hes a narcissist! I made my sons with narcissist. I am still mental over this and my kids are grown. My advice is get away from him before your crazy like me

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Get away from that man now!!!

The one that accusing is the one doing it

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Leave but please be careful. Maybe donā€™t tell him youā€™re leaving, do it in secret so youā€™re safe.

Get counseling together or leave

He is very controlling and thats not good. Also him accusing you so much is a big red flag of what he is probably doing. Run from him now before he controls you entirely.

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Parenting w/ Narcissists/sociopaths - Custody - Family Court -

He is a narcissist a$$hole run do t look back they always throw what they are doing at you they NEVER change !!!

Hes huilty of what hes accusing you of

He is cheating or has cheated .

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My husband use to do that to me guess who was cheating on who not me

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Leave him already. He is cheating on you that is why he is accusing you of cheating.

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Umm, what do you love bc I canā€™t amyone like that.
If you wonā€™t leave and you stay and accept that, nobody can help you bc heā€™s got on business being married.

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Set everything to private so he canā€™t see anything, itā€™s not his business, heā€™s being controlling because he thinks you are up to no good and wants to bully you and boss you around, he is a narcissist, he wonā€™t divorce you because he wants to continue having someone to control, he cannot tell you what to do by the wayā€¦. You are a grown woman a mother, just because he is lazy and selfish and canā€™t get up and clean the house himself he wants you to stay home and be the maid like itā€™s 1950šŸ¤¬ put your foot down, donā€™t take his abuse, your little girl will remember the stuff he says to you because my son still remembers how his dad spoke to me and it wasnā€™t nice either! We arenā€™t together anymore, find a time when he is out and in all honesty if your gut is telling you to leave just leave, ignore his abuse, you will be so much happier without him so will your daughter.

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Leave, you got to do whatā€™s best for you and your child!

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Divorce him. Heā€™s a narcissist. It wonā€™t get any better.

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From past experience, itā€™s best just to get out now. I was in this same situation with my ex husband. Turned out the reason I was getting accused was because he was the one actually cheating on me every chance he got. I was also not allowed to work but then told I do nothing to help support the family. I was not allowed to have friends at all. Male friends he would say Iā€™m trying to sleep around with them, female friends were tried to find me someone to sleep around with. Best bet is to just get out

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Iā€™m not even reading the rest of the post. All I needed to see was the headline. Leave his ass!

He is cheating on you is why he is accusing you . My son pulls that crap on his baby mama . Constantly accusing her when all she does is work 24x7 running a restaurant. Leave and donā€™t let him know where you moved

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Heā€™s cheating. Heā€™s abusive. Get some counseling to decide what you want out of life

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Sounds like he is cheating on u! Thats how they treat u when THEY cheating

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He is trying to control you. It will not get better. It will get worse. Get out now. Save yourself and your child from a life of abuse.

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No!!! That is not normal. You are in a mentally abusive relationship and you need to take your child and leave. She is seeing all of this. He want full control over you and you are giving it to him. Thatā€™s not healthy.

D I V O R C E
Life is so much better with the right person

Toxic relation I say. Leave before it is too late

Leave him fast every year you stay youā€™ll feel worse and worse and more trapped

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Who ever wrote this post. Please contact me privately. I would love to have a deeper conversation with you if possible.

Usually the ones accusing someone is the guilty one

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My ex was doing that to,then lives me after 22 yrs for another women.

Itā€™s usually the cheater that accuses the other. Let him know how insulting it is to be accused. If he keeps it up, you will do exactly that and get some pleasure too.

Everything heā€™s doing is a big red flagā€¦

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The one doing the accusing is the one cheating

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Past experience taught me if heā€™s accusing you heā€™s doing it or thinking about it. Dump the chump

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He wouldnā€™t last three days in my house!!!

Classic abuser behavior.

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Thereā€™s gotta be trust for the relationship to work. Do yourself a favor and glo to counseling even if he wonā€™t go.

Hon i know you love him but honestly the kid shouldnt have to suffer its time to go he may become physically abusive please be careful

Get a damn divorce heā€™s cheating on you which is why heā€™s acting that way!!

This is more about him than you. Control is not love and concern

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This will only get worse over time

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Get yourself a job and have a full separation and seek child support.
Mental abuse.

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Your husband is an abuser. It wonā€™t get better. Make the decision for yourself. Either accept it and move on or leave. Those are your options.

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Walk away. Heā€™s not worth it , take your daughter and go be happy.

Sounds like heā€™s accusing bc heā€™s been doing it

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Charmin gets rid of shit.

Heā€™s shit.

People who accuse are usually the ones who are doing the cheating. Some men use it as a smokescreen to hide the fact that they are cheating. I suggest you do some observing and investigating.

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Sounds like you have been married 9 years too long.
GET OUT! It will get worse, as Iā€™m sure it already hasā€¦
What does it take, him blacking your eyes, slamming your head, because that comes next, after the gaslighting & accusationsā€¦

Contact a womenā€™s center or domestic abuse hotline ASAP when hubs is at work, preferably on someone elseā€™s phone. Do not tip husband off that you are going to leave. You ARE being abused and your daughter is a witness and being traumatized, donā€™t kid yourself. He is likely cheating and blaming you so he can feel ā€œjustified,ā€ or he has a side chick and wants to make you leave so he can be with her and make you the ā€œbad guyā€ for asking for a divorce. Get tested for STDs.

Talk to the center/s and make a CAREFUL plan. Gather documents, make recordings, write down dates, times, what was said. Send all info to a trusted friend, put it in a safe deposit box on your name only (pay in cash), or give to your lawyer once you have one. Get bank statements and copy/photograph tax forms for the last 2 years, and copy at least one of his paychecks/pay statements. That way if he drains your bank accounts or claims he doesnā€™t have money, you have evidence to the contrary. While you have those bank and credit card statements, look them over for any suspicious charges or withdrawals.

The centers should be able to refer you to lawyers. Have questions ready, record or write down the answers and no chit-chat. You have to pay for every 15 minutes. Do ask about working on contingency.

Talk to your lawyer. Determine what you want to have happen. I suggest you request primary custody if not sole custody, child support, and have him put on supervised custody only, preferably at a courthouse. Iā€™d also want primary or full ability to make decisions on behalf of your daughter.

If you can take anything meaningful out of the house surreptitiously and keep it at a trusted friendā€™s, do so so he canā€™t break/steal/toss it when heā€™s served with papers. If you have a car, take photos of it so you have evidence of what it looks like in case he damages it.

Be safe!

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Leave now or it will get physical

Sounds like he might be an a-hole just because. If you can find evidence of adultery that will help your case. Look into restraining orders and especially record or write down any threats. That will help you in court and with custody. Call & talk with friends/family about these things so they can be witnesses that corroborate your evidence in court.

Think of places he wouldnā€™t think to look for you as safe houses, and see if a neighbor will give you a key to their house in case you need to run in a hurry.

You may not need all the precautions but better safe than sorry. Good online info is at thewomenscenter.org.

Find your power. You know heā€™s the problem. Get your act together for you and your child. Get him out of your life as much as possible immediately. Donā€™t go back.

Pls put your baby first and do what is best for your child.

You will wind up on forensic files.

Leave! Wonā€™t get any better!

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Have you ever thought that he maybe the one cheating? His guilty conscience tries to lay blame on you. Do some of your own investigating you will probably find out there is a lot more that you donā€™t know. I say get out either way there isnā€™t much that will change him. I know people who had husbands they had to send their gps location to when they got to work to make sure they were there. Do you want to live like that?

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This is class A narcissistic abusive behaviour. He doesnā€™t want you to work so you canā€™t leave and he can control you, he accuses you of cheating- not because he thinks you are, but to require you to continually prove yourself. His mind games are to put the responsibility on you to make the relationship work by sacrificing your own needs and happiness. You have a trauma bond, which is why you feel like you cant be apart from him. When you leave, and I hope you do, he will prey on your emotions further by guilting and shaming you, telling you that you wonā€™t be able to make it without him. Thatā€™s the biggest lie, you can and you will. He will use your child as a pawn to manipulate you, to see you if you set boundaries and leave. This kind of person doesnā€™t know how to love. It will always be on his terms and conditional.

Run, as fast as you can and donā€™t look back.

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Get a great big frying pan!!

Walk away. This is toxic and not going to get better. The guilty project onto the innocent to try and feel better or cover up what theyā€™re doing. That is NOT love. Control and accusations are not love. These 3 months is a hall pass for him. You get together it will only continue or get worse.

You need to call a lawyer first to get you help for your kids

Like EVERYONE SAID ABOVEā€¦heā€™s cheating on you. Girl gtfo of that toxic mess

Itā€™s overprotective and I personally find it a turn on. Surely there are more good qualities that overrides his protectiveness.

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He doing stuff he shouldnā€™t so he gulity

From my experience, the accuser is always the guilty one. Heā€™s toxic and it wonā€™t get better.

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