This is a real dilemma but since both
your ex and now husband know and
and he only knows your now husband
as dad … leave it this way .
DNA test. Then go for child support if the first guy is his dad.
Don’t do that to your son. He has a dad already. Why complicate it with a donor that proves he’s got a bio dad who doesn’t care about him
Leave it as it is, your son isn’t questioning it and the father ( ? ) ain’t coming forward, but your husband said it doesn’t matter. It could hurt your son to know that he wasn’t wanted. It could also hurt your marriage as well. I would do nothing right now. What if you’re wrong and your husband is the biological father. Who do you want for a role model ? He’s a baby and doesn’t know what’s going on, can you keep it to yourself. Think about everyone because things will change, or no change from the other man. Talk it over with your husband and get his opinion.
Do the dna test don’t tell your son… just say it’s some medical tests or whatever… if it comes back your husband is the father than don’t say anything to your son. If the other guy is then you and your husband make the decision together.
Get tests done because #1, maybe the man isn’t his father, #2 if he is, what is going to change other than both you and your husband will know. Your husband has always accepted him anyway. If the other man is the father, tell the boy and he will know who has always been there for him but you will have nothing to hide anymore. And you will have a clear mind.
Hard question. I think he is too young to understand the situation but I don’t know his maturity level. Maybe you can talk to a child psychologist and get some guidance. I will pray for you.
Let him make a decision when he is older. Explain the complete truth to him. Don’t lie. Then tell him it’s his choice.
How can you be sure who the bio dad is without a DNA? I would get a dna done before proceeding.
I only suggest getting it done for medical purposes, he may need procedures done in the future and may need his bios help j/s but hopefully its never needed
Let sleeping dogs lie. When your son starts asking questions you answer them. Always tell him the truth. Save this post to show him later that you have always tried to do the right thing…
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Lies have a habit of coming back later and causing devastation. Do the DNA test and be truthful.
He’s only 8. Unless a serious medical issue arises, wait until he is a little older. Being a kid in today’s world is already difficult enough.
Your son deserves to know the truth because it will come out eventually
I just came right and told my daughter who her dad was what he was like , she came to want to meet him at one point so I set it all up but her father never showed up , never called her or anything she was around 8 when this happened she’s now 34 and has never wanted to meet him or even look at his pictures again children understand a lot more then we think they do it’s better they know now then to find out later
your son is way too young to have to deal with this issue right now!!!, wait until he is older and let him decide if he really wants to know who bio Dad is.
Leave things alone not in less something comes up medically and it has to be told. Been this long ehh rock the boat?
Have the DNA done. If your husband isn’t his father tell him when he’s older if you think it’s necessary
I would let him take the lead. Never lie to him about anything-it damages trust. However, if he starts to ask questions, answer the question truthfully, but dont tell them more than they need to know. Over time he will gather enough information for him to either make him ask harder questions or figure things out on his own. He may just need you to validate his perceptions.
I had a friend that didn’t tell her daughter that her husband wasn’t her bio dad and that this other guy was actually her father. Well when she got older and got on Social Media one of her bio dads sisters contacted my friends daughter and told her everything. She ended up having a ton of issues relating to this she became extremely depressed and tried to hurt herself several times. I believe it’s best if this information comes from you and your husband. You do not want him to find out when he is older and resent you for not allowing him the opportunity to get to know his bio sperm donor. I feel like if approached correctly and done lovingly it can give him the opportunity to decide if he wants to get to know the guy or if he is ok with the way it is. If he wants to get to know him and sperm donor wants it to them he will have 2 men in his life that both love him. The more people to love on your child the better. So get the test and then if it’s not your husband’s son tell him.
To the two people who laughed. You are crap people. This group is supposed to encourage or help. By laughing you are just making her feel bad. Imagine being this spot. Just dont be tools. Sheesh
You should tell your son now. If you don’t when they get older they are angry and feel they have been lied to. But first comes a dna test to be sure.
Dummy, if life is wonderful in your little family, keep your mouth shut. Why start trouble where there is no need.
I’d tell him the truth. It’s a dangerous game if you don’t. Truth always is the best option.
If you don’t act, someone else might. Him finding out from another source will only make matters worse.
Well this is hard but it would be good to know and you can do it on the dl it couldnt hurt chances are hes your husband’s and if hes not you can decide what to do
You know who his dad is, the man that is raising him.the other may just be a doner.Dont complicate things.
Shoulda did DNA when he was born… Kinda selfish if you ask me … It’s your child’s right to know . … you done fucked up if you ask me. .imo
Get a DNA without letting the son know what is going on. This will ease your mind at least on who the father is.
I would say get the DNA test first of all because just because he looks like him doesn’t mean that’s his
I would get the test just for a piece of mind. Tell him when you think he is mature enough to understand what that all means if he is not your husband’s son. But I have seen what secrets do to people and then there is even a bigger mess even if you think you are protecting them, they don’t see it that way.
What is his last name --Same as your husbands?? he is his father for all legal terms. It takes more than a quick jump to be a father
Be honest. You never want him to hear it later from someone else.
Leave it alone for now. He is to young. Maybe when he is older maybe
Why ruin a good thing. Your husband is his dad.
Stick with the real dad. The one you married,!
Who did you put on the birth certificate? If it’s your husband I’d leave it alone, if it’s blank then I’d get a dna test, if it turns out it’s the other guy you should tell him. My fiancé married a woman and adopted her son and the family kept it from him. After their divorce his little brother found some adoption papers one day and asked about them in front of him when the boy was around 15, needless to say he was crushed, it totally turned his world upside down, he became a angry person for a few years, thankfully he accepted it and turned his life around.
It takes more to be a dad then a squirt. And since one doesnt have anything to do with him he shouldnt say hes his he doesnt get that privilege unless you give it to him and why. You gave the dad and father why worry.
It sounds like your the one that is having the problem with this that you dont know.
I say get over it and love the ones your with.
I say get the DNA testing done, so you know what is in his medical back ground. You don’t necessarily have to tell your son untill he older if you so choose.
It’s bn 8 years I’d live life like you have been… do the test w your husband it could be his son and give u piece of mind. Sounds like nothing would change if he isn’t the dad bc the ex doesn’t want involved
How do I block this site?
I would do the DNA and keep it to myself until it comes up or you have circumstances that you need to tell your child. At least put it in your Will…So finally they will know.
Honesty is the best policy, but make sure your husband is OK with it. Also, get a DNA test before discussing anything with your son. It MAY be a moot point!
With out a doubt I would have a D NA test done never know he could end up being your husbands either way I would if it ends up the other guys so be it I would wait til your son was older maybe around13-14 set down an tell him but also tell him his biological dad wanted nothing to do with him but that he has a dad that loves him no matter what an he will always be there for him cause he loves him.
Get a dna done to be sure and if he is the other man son come clean with him
Why not sit down with your husband and ask him what he thinks, then if hes ok with everything talk to your son. Tell him everything, then let him choose. Give him some time to think about it, maybe he wont care or want to know. Just dont lie. I found out 2 years ago that the man I grew thinking was my “father” wasnt. I did find my real Dad & we are getting to know each other. But I also missed out on so much, not just meeting family that’s no longer here, but also a whole cultural experience.
Here’s the thing it’s not a secret but it will feel like one the longer you don’t tell him. He should know, so get a dna test and find out. Imagine the discovery in his 20s or 30s
Having a DNA test is not just for that, other issues of. Health can be known .
Get the test. So that way you know 100% who his father is
Get the test and be honest. Your son will resent you if you continue to lie.
Why not do the dna on your son and your now husband? Then you’ll know for sure what to tell him and when. If he belongs to your husband then there will be no need to say anything.
Why would he even ask if it’s not brought up. Leave it alone until he does which he probably won’t if he is an equal
Never lie or omit. It will come back to bite you in the but
Leave well enough alone. when your son gets older, I agree with the other post , let the bio dad tell him, not you. Why should you be the bad guy. good luck
Get the weight of that burden off of you apparently it has affected your conscious for years you’re now 27 so tell your son and a sperm donor doesn’t necessarily means daddy. Blessings to you
Get the dna test done then tell him the results if who he thinks is his dad isn’t!!! Trust me he will find out by accident or rumors down the road and he will resent you both for it. Trust me know this from others who found out in there late teen.!!!
Leave it alone… why will u put ur son in a situation when his so called bio dad doesnt want anything to do with him
I would wait till he is older and can make a more mature decision on his own if he wants to know or not. It’s his life that could turn upside down with that test not yours.
It’s always best if he hears the honesty from you if he hears it from someone else later in life. It could make him angry with you for lying to him Your husband will always be his father in his eyes, but he needs to know the truth. And if it turns out that Your husband is not his biological father. just explain to him you have two daddies? One that you live with and one you see sometimes a DNA is definitely necessary.
Being sperm donor doesn’t make him a dad. The man loving him and takein care of him is his dad. So your question is?
Don’t rock the boat leave well enough a lone.
Let your son make this decision when he is older
Don’t lie. In the long run you maybe the one hurting. I was in the same boat as you when I was younger. When my son was 10 his biological father told him that he was his dad. That turned our world up side down. I havd to sit down and tell him what was going on. As my son got older the tension grew between us. He was down right mean and hateful towards me. If anything do the DNA. You don’t have to explain now but this way when questions are asked you will be able to answer. My son is now 22 and still has resentment towards me.
You can always have a DNA test done and if it turns out that the other guy is his dad you can tell him when you think he’s ready to hear the truth but if your husband turns out to be the father than there is no need to tell him anything. But I would get it done sooner than later since the other man was adopted and he is the only one that could possibly be blood related to your son and if something god forbid happen to him then you couldn’t have it done at all!!
Her husband could be his bio dad and then she can quit worrying about it
Claiming and raising, asking and doing, responsibility stability vs casual no interest. Family isn’t always blood, later on if you want to tell him. He can sort it out when he is 19.
Don’t mess with a good thing.
Your husband loves your son. Biological or not. The other guy sounds like a jerk. Being dates are so close together and your husband holds no grudges or ill will towards you or your son leave it be. Love is love. Why drag your son into a relationship with a man who wants nothing to do with him. His loss is your son’s gain. He is in a family where he is loved and accepted for who he is.
If the day comes “ he “ wants a definitive answer then the test can be done. For now, let him grow up with a loving family and be a normal kid for as long as he can.
If you tell him now he might rebel having four brothers that have same parents but him he may fill like he don’t belong not wanted not loved the same does it matter will you or your husband fill different if not I say leave it alone
It would serve no reasonable purpose for him to know anything more than he already knows.
I wouldn’t change anything blood has nothing to do with it
wait till he’s old enough to ask?
Do it now it will bit u in the but later being honest is always the road to follow
He is too young to deal with it. His sibs would taunt him ie you’re not a real brother etc. when he is an adult he can be told. He doesn’t need to feel different now. Why doesn’t your husband adopt him? End of problem
Why did you not do it from the beginning. Why wait 8 years.
I believe ever child should know where they come from. Get the DNA.
He’s 8. Set him down and talk to him and ask if he wants the test done.
I was already pregnant with my 2nd daughter when I met my 3rd daughters father, I didnt tell my 2nd daughter that he wasnt her father until she was a teenager, I was afraid to hurt her relationship with him, but I had already divorced him. Only when she asked did I tell her. Take ur cues from him, he will ask if he feels he doesnt resemble ur husband.
Being a sperm donor does not make a dad.
Omg NOOOOOOOOOOO…don’t open that can of worms. He has a dad. Knowledge is not always power.
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Leave it alone. Your husband may not be his bio father but he seems to be an amazing FATHER. Don’t ruin them just because of a donor. You should also distance yourself from that man too, if your family means anything to you.
You dont want him to grow up with a lie. We as parents needs no regrets.
Age 8 is not a good age to be told about this. Don’t put this drama in his life and the lives of his brothers. Please remove this from FB ASAP so this will not be seen by any of your boys.
What if something happens to the child think about it I wish I knew earlier and now I’m messed up for life and don’t have a clue who my parents r…
Get a dna test and if the other guy is his bio father.Tell your child about him. I know all too well about a similar situation. My bio dad claims me but didn’t do nothing for me growing up and didn’t want anything to do with me. And I don’t recognize him as a father at all. He’s just someone who got my mom pregnant with me. My step dad (who’ve I’ve known since I was 3yrs old) not only claims me as his own but also has done everything for me since he’s met me. And he is my dad. Tell him ASAP I knew about my bio father by the time I was 8yrs old and it hurt me that he didn’t want anything to do with me, however I had my stepdad and so therefore I didn’t miss out on much the only thing being is (almost every other child had 2 bio parents in their life and both wanted to be in their child’s life) and it didn’t bother me much. When he turns old enough tell him and also allow him to chose if your son wanted anything to do with him if it ever came the time where his bio dad wanted something to do with him.
DNA for sure. What if his Dad is really your husband? Wouldn’t you want to know that. If so, you can tell the other man to kiss off as the child isn’t his anyway. What else would you do with the info, sue for child support? I would want to know one way or the other.
Just wait until he is older, there is no need to confuse the child. If you do tell him anything leave all that negative stuff out.
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If you tell him also let him know it takes more than just fathering him to make a dad. Lots of men are great fathers to children they did help create.
Tell him and it will hurt him looking at some of these comments. Don’t tell him and it will hurt him if he becomes suspicious or finds out so it’s not a good situation to be in for all parties involved.
If there is no information as medical from ancestors, there is little reason for him to know anything other than he is loved. And the dad that stepped up is the only dad he needs to know about.
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Are you high or something? You are asking if you should lie to a kid about who his father is? How would you like to be lied to about something so important. The kid (and every human being) has a right to know who their parents are.
How could you tell them the chances of their being the father of your child was 50-50 when throughout the article you identify the other man (not your husband) as his father. That is a lot less than being honest. I praise your husband for standing up to be a father for this young man.
This exact thing happened to my husband!! His Mom was married and cheated on a one night stand with a coworker. She got pregnant and hid it. Her husband knew the baby wasn’t his cause he had a vasectomy a year before. They treated him as their natural son. Never telling the truth. It wasn’t until my husband entered the Army that his Dad (the one who raised him, an amazing man) came clean just in case my husband died in the Army. My husband was PISSED!!! He didn’t speak to his Mom for 3 years and their relationship was never the same. Every child deserves to know their biological parents. It’s great his Dad cares for him. But please don’t lie to him his whole life.
He deserves to know who is real father is!
Leave it alone. God gave your child a father, just appreciate him!
He has all the father he needs
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Get rid of the “dad”. His real father is the one who loves him
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Let the Lord lead you. Trust in him to do the right thing.
Get the DNA test with this boy and your husband. If it’s not his son, then it has to be the other. Tell him the truth with love.
He has a dad. Leave it alone.
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Do not tell him. His relationship with his ‘Dad’ is what is important.
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