I think that they have it all wrong BE A hard worker and they want to take it all in Taxes Don’t work at All and they can’t give you enough. We Should All Give up work and put our hand out and get some of our taxes Back they would Soon change there Ideas
Hard as it might be, I’d stick with your husbands decision and call her bluff on the courts. Sadly she’s gotta learn the hard way here. For every action there is a reaction and a consequence. She maybe angry now coz she can’t get her own way. Eventually she will thank you
I think your husband is right. The boyfriend will take that money and have control of it and her.
She is. Biology his daughter so really he has all say. If he said no don’t go against him then you and him will have trouble call the police on her and her boyfriend for the harassment
Back your husband- she’s gone but he is forever!!!
Your husband is right she needs to finish school then get money stick it out
I’d keep it until she was 21. She’s not adult enough to be trusted, certainly not the boyfriend.
You shouldn’t do anything. She has a father. Let him handle it.
You cannot go behind your husband’s back. I am sorry to put it th his way, but she is his daughter and this is her mother’s money. It is between them. You can be a sounding board and a help mate. You can council. But you cannot go behind his back.
That girl is being manipulated by a control freak. She will not listen to a bad word about him. You have to get to her by telling her about a friend you had in high school. A girl who had great grades was popular had teachers that liked her. Then she started dating this guy who at first was really nice. Her parents liked him, her friends liked him. But after a while he became really possessive and controlling. He wouldn’t let her go anywhere without him. He made her move in with him. He made her cut off all ties with her friends and family. He took away her phone he would not let her work he would not let her talk to anyone but him. If she did anything he did not like he would beat her. One time he beat her so badly he had to take her to the hospital. That us when she was able to tell a nurse she needed to escape. Finally after 5 years of torture and rape she was able to get away. She pressed charges against him and he us in jail. She is in hiding.
Tell her that see if that doesn’t work on her.
Put it all in a term deposit fir 10 years she might be grown up enough by then to use it wisely
Absolutely do not let her have that money she will blow it. Wait til she is 18
Don’t you dare draw it out to shut her up! Your husband is standing by his word and you should stand by him cause you know full well he is right in this case.
She’s a minor. You are her parents and therefore responsible for her. You make the calls, she doesn’t.
If they tried this in court, the judge would kick it out due to no legal footing.
Let dad handle it. He seems to be doing a good job and safe guarding that money so she will be able to maybe one day have a nice down payment on a house or pay off any student loan debt she might acquire. Maybe go back to school and graduate. She isn’t mature enough to handle it right now.
Stance by your husband he us right. Also don’t turn over the money at 18 put it into a trust
1 Like
Stand up together and be a strong unit…she is still your daughter, having a tantrum. If she is little having a tantrum in the supermarket…would you give in?
My mom passed away when I was young . My dad made sure I got what I needed but it was used for things I needed not for what I wanted .
If she is a minor still go to court have the money put in conservatorship and she only gets small allowance until 21
I was your step daughter in this scenario. I moved out at 17 and my parents received ss for me. Honestly he can’t deny her the money. It is meant to care for her needs on a monthly basis. Not to be held and given later. I was a jerk kid and went to the ss office and told them I moved out and that my parents were still receiving the money. The money then had to be given to me on a monthly basis and receipts written that I had received the money to show a paper trail. I’m not saying what I did was right. Because I know it wasn’t but holding it now means she is doing without. Yes it’s her choice but truly it’s not his money. If she is going to get it as a lump sum that could actually be worse then a little at a time.
Let the father do w hats right. That boyfriend is just after money. She will come back after he goes and that same money will help her. May come back with baby
Don’t give into her.keep the money in savings account.unless she’s in school,at 18the money stops,unless she’s in college then she could go till 21.ask a lawyer what you could do.
The guy is bad news,he’s going to end up abusing her,if he isn’t already,if he gets his hands on her money,it will be gone,then if he gets her pregnate,he will more thanlikely dump her.then she will need the money and won’t have it if he gets his hands on it
Damn I wondered if I had been sleep writing reading this!
My daughter was a week into being 7 when her mother died of a drug overdose. She immediately came to live with her father and I, without question. We had been dating for nearly a year and had been living together for 3 months. She received survivors benefits through social security every month which we used for clothing, dance classes, grief therapy etc because she ALSO inherited her mother’s stocks, bonds and position in 2 Alaskan oil companies! Dividends were paid out twice a year into a blocked savings account she would get at 18. She had 100 K by the time she was 10. We didn’t talk about the money but her maternal aunt did so she knew. We taught her not to share that information with ANYONE. Fast forward…first boyfriend at 15 finds a bank statement on her desk and is absolutely stunned. But he’s respectful and is just happy for her to be able to go to whatever university she wants! Second bf at 16, asks if she can loan him money for a car and she boots him to the curb. We are relieved as it appears she has been listening. But. Boyfriend at 17 is smooth and 2 years older from a home that works paycheck to paycheck. We had a trust schedule set up for the money when she turned 18…x amount every 3 months as long as she was in school and working at least PT. X amount when she graduated from college. X amount allocated for a car, computer and first/last and deposit for an apt and x amount for furnishings. Yada yada.
She tells us that he has been talking about getting married and she thinks he’s the one. He wants her to move in with him. Suggests they buy a car together. I’m hitting the brakes HARD and have her go with me to an attorney to discuss prenuptial agreements. She seems ok with it until she brings it up with him. They are in my backyard and I hear him screaming at her about her not trusting him and married means sharing, etc. I escort him out of the house and tell him not to come back. She tearfully tells us that she is grateful i stepped in because he had been pressuring her to get married, open credit cards, get a joint checking account or get him a debit card, showing her investment opportunities (part of the trust included a financial class and meeting with several financial advisers so she was well versed) and he wouldn’t stop. She turned 18 a month or so later and had way too much money but was wise with it to begin with. Then he popped back up dripping poison in her ears about how we were controlling her, trying to steal from her, wanted her to take care of us, etc etc and like a snake charmer he ultimately had her believing the crap. She moved out with him but broke conditions of the trust and missed some big landmarks, got pissed and took us to court and lost. THEN, she brought up the SS money. Accused us of not using it for her benefit etc.
We got monthly questionnaires from the SS department that we had to complete and required details on how the money was spent for and on her. Every month. In speaking with a SS agent at the onset I was paranoid we weren’t doing something right or would accidentally do something wrong. One of the questions on the form was how much money, if any, was put in savings for her? I asked if it was required to do that because we were trying to give her a childhood she deserved and hadn’t yet had! ( lived with drug addicted mother for 4 years without ever seeing dad because she kept her moving…at 7, had never had a birthday party, been to the beach, to an amusement park, a museum - not a must thing but we lived an hour from the beach, 4 amusement parks and too many museums to count). I was told that it was not a requirement to save any of the money as long as it was being used to benefit the child by enhancing her life and/or meeting necessities to ensure she thrived. The lawsuit was tossed. She tried having the trust guidelines dissolved but that was tossed as well.
Point being, I absolutely think you guys are doing the right thing and are actually doing more than you have to.
1 Like
Stand by your husband. Do not answer her calls. She is close to 18, when the money is turned over to her, BE SURE she signs a receipt and keep all copies in case she wants more money and tries to take you to court on the premise that you never gave her, her money. I have been there and done that and dealing with Social Security is a Royal Pain in the Backside…they want documentation and proof.
Your husband is 100% correct. Do not help her boyfriend control her.
I would stick to my guns and keep it in trust for her. When the boy is gone she will thank you.
You have to notify SSA that she moved out . But I agree with your husband she gets it when she turns 18.
Issue a restraining order against the boyfriend! Technically, the daughter receiving the Social Security is the same as receiving child support, and ends the month before the age of 18. Plus, if she’s moved out of dad’s house, he needs to report it and the payments will stop.
I’d be damned if she’d get one cent before she turned 18. Harassing me.
1 Like
She must finish/graduate high school and that boy has got to go. Let your husband maintain control and if it was my child, I would set this up so she could not get her hands on the money until she turns 25.
Stick to your guns or your husband’s guns.
Stick with your husband as how do you kno the money is going all on her, he could take it all, also don’t reward unwanted behaviour
Don’t get into the middle of this. Your husband is trying to teach his daughter a lesson.
Its not that long till she’s 18 and how much she will ow thru that money in no time
Not for you to be involved in. His child, let him deal with it as her parent.
It is his money not hers…it was to compensate for her care…the fact that he never touched it is commendable, but it is not her money. It is also not your business period. If she chooses to not go to school, her social security stops pretty simple.
First—how are they gonna afford to take y’all to court? Second-your husband is correct. She gets that $ and it’s gone.
Your husband should stick to his guns
If she has dropped out of school, have you informed social security about it? If not you better. One of the rules of social security is if you drove out of school, you are no longer entitled to benefits. She should have been taken off as soon as I she quit school.
Have the police go pick her up and bring her home. She is under aged right? Im not sure if legally you can do this but to let this child get away with walking out would not go over well with me. Maybe you need to go visit her frequently to see whats going on and tell her that you miss her and love her. Dont let the BF put a wedge in between you two. Explain that to her. You havent done anything wrong
To her. Maybe your hubby needs to go over there and tell her the funs over. Get your crap and come home! Maybe you can invite her on vacation or something! I would definitely frequent her doorstep if it was my daughter in harms way!!
If the money is in his name, unless you are on the acct you wouldn’t be able to withdraw the money. Listen to your husband as he is doing the right thing for her.
The young woman in the story is all about drama. Don’t be fooled that the trouble will end if she receives her money.
Not worth it, let her have that money, when it is gone, it is gone END OF DRAMA!
I would be finding some way to let her see what abuse from men looks like before she ends up dead or in jail for causing him to abuse her…bc that is the current trend in society. People USED to be able to be on their own and do well but also not so much anymore. Not sure how to focus her into her own interests in life minus any male person. To me she is being pressured by him…FOR him.
She is way too young Id make her wait until 25 omg if the dude is controlling he will take it all anyway.
If she not in school you could Ask and have it stop
The boyfriend most likely kept her from going to school because of his jealousy. He wants the money so he can blow it. I would give her a small spending allowance, and wouldn’t give her full control of the money until she leaves the boyfriend.
Social Security maintenance can stop if child drops out of school. Especially when they are 18, it will stop. Because proof has to be sent via the school that said child is fully enrolled.
Stick out you guys it’ll enforce that she doesn’t get to whine for what she wants
18 isn’t always adults mentally …Make her wait til 21 or when she leaves the bf
Your husband is right on this just don’t answer if she harassing you.
1 Like
Stand with your husband. Id call her bluff and tell her to take u to court. If she does let the judge decide. Tell her to stop calling you as well. That is harrasment.
Let hubby handle it. If it’s a large sum he should see if he can put it in a trust for college or 25 if she opts out of school. Then sit down and explain to her what is being done with the money.
Your husband is right… besides, when she turns 18 the money stops. Unless she’s in college.
Take y’all to court for what? Emancipation? She has to prove she can take care of herself. Stand by your man.
Stand your ground! She messing up her life ! She will have a lot of regrets!
Technically since she is no longer in the home and he hasn’t paid any of her bills or living expenses then she has a case.
I’d stand by the dad. Don’t give her the back card.
Just because she turns 18 doesn’t mean he has to hand the card over. The account is in his name. Don’t give her the card. Stick through the noise and protests she will make. She can get the card when she follows through with her schooling. The part in our brains where reasoning and long term consequences are thought through is the prefrontal cortex and isn’t fully developed until 25+. She’ll see why you as her parents the ones with the ability of knowing what the long term consequences of our choices will make… when she smartens up. Be patient with her. Love her through her storms. This will pass. Remember that little girl she once was and know she’s still in there.
1 Like
The money will be gone in a couple of weeks and than what’s next? Let your husband do what he needs to do.
I bet she told the guy about this money furthering his drive to be possessive. His lack of respect should have been a red flag. She’s young and probably doesn’t know better yet that this guy is bad for her. Already left school, trying to get that money, screaming. No good.
No, stand behind your husband and back him up. Don’t give to her whiny demands. Honestly I would hire an attorney to handle her and the money. That way she can’t spend it all (or from the sounds of it, let her boyfriend spend it all). But whatever you do, don’t give to her and support your husband’s decision. If she does take y’all to court ask the judge to do what I mentioned above. A lawyer or court appointed advisor will give her a monthly allowance, depending on how much she has to make it last.
Dad is right. Its almost November. Hang in there.
Let her dad handle it. November’s not that far away.
When she quit school, the checked stopped… there is no money
1 Like
I think it would be wise to consult a lawyer and social security so that way the correct path can be followed.
Stick to your husband! He’s right on!
Social Security death benefit stops when she turns 18 regardless if she is a full time student or not.
Your husband is right. Tough it out
Wait until November. She would have to go to court to be emancipated if she wants it early and my guess is, she doesn’t have the money for that.
Stand by your husband’s choice.change phone number.see if he can change rule until she’s 21
Empty threats!! Dad is right!! They most likely can’t afford court cost! I would stand firm!!
Dad… stick to your guns. Mom…support him in that decision.
1 Like
Stand United with hubby. He is handling as he should.
Draw it out and set up a trust fund that gives x amount every x years
Let her father handle it. He has a legal obligation you do not have, as per your daughter’s income and account. Do what you can to be supportive to both, but let final decisions regarding her rest with her father and legal guardian.
It was to raise her. Technically it is not hers.
Stand with Dad but don’t spend any of the money. She’ll come back one day.
Let her dad handle it it’s his daughter not yours
4 Likes
Her boyfriend will take the money no if she not home she no get it plain and simple your the parent and your responsible to say and prove how its spent. On your payee report.
I’m thinking once the boyfriend finds out the money is not forthcoming his interest will go elsewhere. jmo
Your husband is right… she knew the consequence and he is enforcing what he said… do not go against his wishes… your husband is being a great parent by setting boundaries and sticking to them…
Your husband is absolutely right. I hope he doesn’t give in.
Per soc. Sec. rules he shouldn’t get the payments if she is not living under his roof. Also there is a limit ss will allow her to have in a savings account in her name. If they find out she is not living there so can stop the payments.
Ss should end as soon as she’s not in school, my granddaughters did
I don’t see why this is an issue. Isn’t a ss check for a child so that the parent can use it to keep a roof over the child’s head and see to other needs. It’s not bubble gum and pizza money.
Move to Kentucky she has to stay in school
Until she is 18
She gets the money for y’all to put a roof over her head electric water her needs not to save to give to her when she turns 18 to give to some loser of a boyfriend who clearly only wants her money call as office they will tell you the same thing I would call her bluff and let her hire a lawyer and take y’all to court because what’s his name is going to have to prove he has been working at the same job for awhile that he is dependable and that he has been making sure that she has what she needs other wise she won’t receive it and the judge can order it to stay in a savings account until she can prove she is a responsible adult finish her education and pay back to y’all her parents for supporting her with your own money not her mother’s death benefits he can make her wait until she is 25 is she willing to risk that or should I say her boyfriend willing to risk it I’ve been there done that he does his research he will drop her like a hot potato
Me personally would put it in a trust account that she cant touch until shes 25.
I think her Social Security benefits from Mom stop at age 18 also. She is in for a surprise.
It’s not YOUR place to do anything. It really has nothing to do with you. It’s between her and her father. He has laid down ground rules and that’s, that. If they’re harassing you then you should contact the police.
#HerSay
Your husband is spot on! Support him and his decision xx
My son is 17 and gets SS from his father’s death, if he’s not legally enrolled in school and not living with me he’s not going to get that money! How is she still receiving the money?! Someone is scamming the government here. All that money will have to be paid back for as long as she hasn’t been in school or living in the home.
First I would not allow her to move out at 17, you guys are still legally responsible for her, I agree with your husband about the bank card, I would stick to your original plan. Let her take you to Court so what? And at 18 unless she is still in school/college she would not get it, until 21.
Do not do that respect your husband the money will run out when she is 19
Your husband is doing the right thing , you need to support him on this ! Most likely her boyfriend is putting her up to this ! They already found out how controlling he is !
Technically the money was for your husband to use for support so until she reached 16 he did not have to put into an account to give her. At 16 she could then begin to decide how to use the monthly check but would not have a claim to the earlier payments.The benefit unless it’s changed will stop coming when she turns 18…So basically he probably only has to turn over what has been saved since she turned 16 and the remainder considered what he spent on feeding clothing and essentials toward keeping a roof over her head.I’d consult a lawyer because then dad could give her only the money from when she turned 16 keeping the other aside for when her jerk boyfriend leaves which he probably will when he doesn’t get all the money and he also realizes the benefit won’t continue after her birthday
If it were me she wouldn’t get the money til she was 21. Stand by your husband!
It is really in the end her Dad’s decision…I think he is doing the right thing.
stand by your husband. the courts will side with you not her
Listen to your husband!!! Don’t give her a red cent.
6 Likes