I have been married for 9 years. We have 4 kids. 3 live at home. We have lived next door to our neighbors for around 5 years. Roughly 6 months ago Hurricane Ida came through and caused massive devastation to our area. The kids, pets and myself evacuated to another state with family while the storm passed. When we went to evacuate my husband had been on nightshift he woke up to me packing to evacuate and freaked. Never gave me time to explain anything. A fight ensued. I left anyway to avoid gridlock on the interstate with the kids and pets. He refused to engage in basic decency for almost 8 weeks because he felt “abandoned” by my evacuation and refusal to return due to the devastation and his abhorrent behaviors during/after the storm. I eventually bought a house and hired a lawyer for divorce. Once doing so he decided he wanted to reconcile. The children and I had been in therapy and against the therapist wishes I allowed him back. It’s been about 3 and half months now and we have a new issue. He never seemed to get past the storm. He radiated hate and resentment. I tried to ignore it thinking it was all in my head until now. He developed a friendship with the neighbor next door. A man in his late 70’s maybe? It should be known my husband had no father and had a horrible step dad from around age 9-15. Well after the storm he develops the friendship with the elderly man next door. Seems fine and him and his wife seem like a nice lovely couple. Out of nowhere a few days ago I get messages from the man’s wife assuming I am a depressed person by my social media posts because I don’t post enough puppies for her liking? Then attacking me personally as a mother. Then telling me I have no say over my own property or marriage because I no longer live there. I told my husband after intensive therapy due to his invasive mother and sister I would not tolerate another relationship in our marriage where I was not respected. He chose the man. I am mind blown. I guess I just am wanting someone to give me their perspective on any of this because I am just alone, devastated and confused right now.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. What should I do about this situation?
Why didn’t you wake him up and explain? I mean I’d be trying to wake my husband up and get him to safety also…
Have him talk to them, you can’t just expect him to cut someone off who helped him through a hard time.
You didn’t wake him up…? Wtaf? He’s a total POS and should be left anyway but YOU DIDN’T BITHER WAKING UP YOUR HUSBAND?
Why didnt you wake him? It seems as though you were ready to leave. My question is why come back?
I also can’t get past the fact that you didn’t wake him up or discuss evacuating with him. Seems like there should have been a conversation there.
Throw him out he is no good
Tell your husband you want a divorce and tell him to stop talking crap about you to them that’s why she’s starting crap. I guarantee he’s feed them lies. He’s just using the storm as an excuse he knows don’t let him fool you. Get that lawyer asap. However you should of woke him up before packing.
U left him?? Ur lucky as hell he even talks to you. What kind of woman are you, no wonder he chose the man bc you obviously aren’t a very good wife.
It’s unlikely she’s attacking you out of no where. He’s talking crap about you to them. She feels she needs to protect your husband as a motherly figure. Follow through with the divorce. It’s not going to get better.
Honestly he is the victim here. You didn’t care enough about him to even wake him up and you want pity.
You sound awful, he has every right to be mad.
Hope he at least gets 50/50 custody.
I would never dream of not waking my husband and talking about evacuation. I’d feel abandoned too. Why was he not woke up…?
Going back to the night of the storm, I’m also a bit confused as to why you didn’t wake up your husband when you began packing to evacuate. I can see why he thought you were abandoning him. The rest of the story- at least from your perspective- paints him as a POS. I’d listen to the therapist, find a way to get him out of the house, and continue on with the divorce. He’s got to go!! He’s toxic to you and the kids.
You’re not the only one confused. What are you leaving out? Who leaves during a dangerous situation, without waking up your husband to go with you? Some big detail missing here.
Regardless if you hadn’t woken him yet that night he should’ve communicated with you like an adult. Instead he chose to act like a child. That’s not your fault. It sounds like y’all are beating a dead horse. Move on! Be happy. Too much drama
Faults all around with everyone
He is victim. Why in the hell would you not wake him up?!
Ummmmm, I’d be pretty freaking mad if my husband left me alone in a hurricane with evacuation warnings and didn’t even wake me up to tell me what was going on!
He has every right to not be over that because you put his life at risk by not telling him what was going on.
There’s a reason why you didn’t wake him up probably because you couldn’t stand it even before all this, just do what you need to do …take care of you and your kids and move on.
What a long story to say that you’re a horrible wife. Interesting.
Poor guy. Glad he chose an older man over you.
Give it back … Is this a real question?
It would have never crossed my mind to not wake my husband so we both , along with our children and pets could avoid gridlock on the interstate in the wake of a hurricane.
You definitely aren’t telling the whole story. Why would you do all this while he slept in an emergency???
Got to be more to this.
So, you left him in the middle of a hurricane to deal with the aftermath of a hurricane and you wonder why he has resentment towards you? There has got to be something more to this. I would never just pack my stuff and abandon my husband. Did he not want to evacuate and that’s why you just left, or was he not given the choice to leave with you
Who said she wasn’t going to wake him after she finished packing…could.it be that she wanted him to get the extra rest , then wake him when it was time for them to leave.
Don’t be. He is spreading a false narrative and they are eating it up. Your husband is probably a narcissist. I mean putting his feeling abandoned over the safety of his children. Please. He did you a favor sis! Prayers and positive vibes your way
Something sounds fishy about this. You don’t wake your husband to evacuate? Seems like there’s another whole side to the story
I don’t understand why you wouldn’t wake your husband up to evacuate with you and the kid’s? I wake my husband up if we have bad weather and there’s a tornado watch.
Well you gave it your all and even went to therapy. It’s clear now it’s not going to work. I would file for a divorce and move on once and for all.
Why would you not wake him up? That would be my first thing to do. My husband would rush to help get the kids ready and all our stuff packed. He is just important as our kids. You’re a family, you don’t just not wake someone up and leave them behind like that. I would have been upset too. I would have definitely felt as you say “abandoned” too. You have to be leaving something out. Why wouldn’t you wake him up as soon as you felt something was wrong? I don’t know about everyone else but my husband is my safe place and he’s the first person I’d run to if I felt like there were an emergency.
Listen to the therapist…beyond your current mistake don’t drag your kids along for the ride. Knockers up Chica and get to walking!
The only reason I can think of why she ain’t wake him was because her ass got another dick where she was going. Because who the hell doesn’t wake their damn spouse for this mess.
Well you didn’t really set yourself up for success you didn’t try waking your husband up to get him out of destruction with you and the kids, there’s problem number one. Then you stayed gone because things were hard and your husband was still in that house problem 2. Your husband was trying to get on with life like he thought you were doing because you were gone. You seem to blame him for everything when you had a big part to play in this. I think there are things missing or you need more therapy to realize it’s not everyone else’s fault that you didn’t help matters either. From what you said
First off I would block the wife’s number and cut off contact with your ex/husband right now. He sounds very immature and selfish.
Gets professional advice, ignores it, everything goes to shit like the pro said so maybe Facebook will give you the “real” answers not like the shrink spend years studying these problems. Your family deserves better then to be continued to be dragged through your bad choices.
First question why didn’t you wake him up? My husband is my best friend and my other half I would wake him up to help me pack while we both grab our children second you didn’t go back? I understand this is destruction but your husband is there in the destruction. Sounds like you bounced and now are pissy he is still mad.
Sounds like were ready to divorce him before the storm. Not waking him up to evacuate with you and the kids says you dont give a darn about him. Left him to possibly die with no remorse. Sorry. Just move on. Marriage was dead before all the drama.
You messed up buying a house while still married
You should of listened to you therapist.
Leave and be happy with your children he doesn’t deserve you
This timeline seems fishy. I think you’re not telling us something.
Ida was 6 months ago. True. But then you evacuated. How long were u gone? You then said he was being mean for 8 weeks which is two months. So we are in November now. Then you have the time to find a lawyer for a divorce, buy a house, do all your therapy stuff and still take your husband back 3 and 1/2 months ago (which would have been right before thanksgiving).
Something isn’t adding up here.
Sounds like you may have used the Hurricane as an excuse to do something you had been contemplating already…
If your spouse chooses other people over you - go. There is no respect. The fact that he can’t let it go that you fled to safety (I would’ve left too) shows he’s holding on to things. Just from what you say he seems to resent you as a whole. Go be happy. You don’t deserve this. Divorce and be free.
Leave him there you do you
You never should have gone against your therapist advice
Should of listened to the therapist…what a cruel thing to do to your children…
Um… you just forgot to inform him… high five! now wonder why… now turn the table. How would you react ? … you seem selfish asf.
Leave him. He sounds like he has a lot of issues he’s not willing to work on, himself. If he’s chosing sides with people who are bad/abusive towards you, that’s a big problem. I feel like these people probably talk him further away from you, and are feeding him a view that you are the bad guy and they are the good guy.
I’ve dealt with this myself, and the more you try to explain it, or voice your feelings, the crazier they’ll say you are. It’s not worth your time to try to make it work if he isn’t willing to hear you out.
Why would you just randomly pack up and leave but leave your husband behind? I could not imagine just randomly packing up and leaving with no previous conversation about it to my husband I feel like there is way more to this story than we are being told
Leave like you did the first time and don’t look back
If you were married at the time of purchasing the new home, isn’t he entitled to half of it? I would have divorced first. A lot of this is confusing and leaves a lot of unanswered questions. I don’t think you are going to get the advice you are hoping for until some of it is filled in.
For what reason would NOT wake your husband up in the middle of a hurricane?? Does he has a big fat life insurance policy?
If he’s waking up from sleeping, I’m sure he was dazed and confused to begin with and woke up to his wife packing, that more than likely upset him, he should have let you explain but you might not have tried hard enough given the circumstances of Ida, so many emotions going on, but, you guys seemed to live apart for a while, sounds like you decided to get on with your life, regardless, he chose the man over his family and that right there should have told you all you needed to know
Why take him back? In your new purchase home… change locks… let him go bk to other house …
You have tried all you can with this man. Your conscience should be clear. Move on and leave his salty ass with the neighbour.
You did this to yourself.
You were away. You were getting help
You went against your therapist.
All of that work just to throw it away
Now you have no one to blame but yourself.
And if she’s a good therapist she’ll tell you that.
You made some poor decisions.
Learn from them, and next time your therapist tells you something freaking listen
I’m confused as to why you woke up in the middle of the night to pack your kids and your stuff but did not wake him up? We’re u hoping he got swept up in the storm or something? Lol something doesn’t seem right with your plan haha
The Old noisy neighbor would have gotten a good cuss out! Husband too because he put ur business in the streets… and yeah let him go back to them
I’m confused why you didn’t wake him up to evacuate as well?
I’m confused why he didn’t go with you. Why didn’t you wake him up before you started packing? Something is missing from the story. I’d be pissed too, quite honestly.
I mean first off who leaves their husband sleeping during a bad storm and packs the whole family and animals up to flee? Um of course he holds restentment towards you. Theres way more to this story…
Why did you just up and leave your husband behind? It seems like you are a control freak and want everything your way and if it’s not you get mad. I can see why he’s doing what he’s doing you seem really selfish. If something ok you to do why’s it not ok for him? You couldn’t wake your husband up to evacuate? What if something would have happened to him? He could have died and then what? You should like all you worry about is yourself why did you get married if that’s all you care about?
Yall she wasn’t trying to leave him. She was packing while letting him sleep bc he worked the night shift. He woke up n saw her, flipped out n started a fight. I would have left his ass too. I have innocents to protect.
Who the f would pack and evaluate from a storm without waking there husband? Doesn’t sound right he has a right to be upset
I don’t think you’re being forthright with your story …we definitely need to hear his side too
Why wouldn’t you wake him to talk to him and let him know? I WOULD NEVER just pack me and my kids’ stuff and just leave my husband. Especially not waking him up up talking to him
Sounds like you wanted out and left then changed your mind and wanted him back. Now he wants out. Time for everyone to move on
I’m alittle confused, this started 6 months ago? Then 3 months later you filed for divorce, bought a house and then moved back ? and that was 3 months ago? Sounds like you left him to me.
Don’t think of it as being alone, think of it as being FREE!
I submitted the question about the storm
I would like to clarify
I am seeing a lot of responses that I left without a conversation or speaking. I should have been clearer. I did speak with him. He was upset that I woke him up. That I made the decision in general while he was sleeping to evacuate. The storm worsened during the night. The plan was ALWAYS TO WAKE HIM AND ASK HIM WHAT HIS PLANS WERE. I was just preparing to leave so if he wanted to go all he would need is his clothes at that point.
Sorry for the confusion
He was awake. He sat outside chain smoking mad because I made the decision to evacuate in general. I do not believe I was clear in the original post. So sorry
I am just looking for advice. I am lost and confused. My kids are also.
He cleared our accounts today simply because our children have not reached out to him and he feels “rejected” so he has no responsibility here according to himself.
No need to be rude and hateful.
I would NEVER leave my family behind. I just knew not to disturb his sleep. I was trying to quietly pack and wake him last minute to ask his plans. He was mad I woke him, made the decision and followed through and spent the next 2 months not speaking to myself or our children. That is why the therapist recommended not continuing contact this last time I let him back. That was 4 months ago.
I do not understand any of this. It is insanity.
He chose the man. Move on and let him live with that decision which I’m sure he will regret soon enough.
Everyone saying, why didn’t you wake him… HE WORKED ALL NIGHT AND SHE LET HIM SLEEP! She was getting everything ready to go and instead of talking to her like a normal person he exploded and she left! The storm didn’t just miraculously show up out of nowhere. I am sure he knew wtf was about to happen! Sounds like it was already a volatile relationship and this misunderstanding pushed it over the edge and clearly isn’t a bad thing.
Your therapist wishes? Ummm therapist don’t give advice. Or tell you what to do.
This story is no complete, I would like to his version, besides, therapist do not tell you what to do, rather it helps you heal, support you in difficult times and helps you make better desición, Iam not conviced by your version.
Was this you living out your own version of Carrie Underwood’s “Blown Away”?
That’s too much drama all around
He has shown you his choice. Leave that man be. Get your divorce and stay gone from him.
Sounds like he’s the one that needs to see professional help!
I don’t understand why you’d evacuate without talking with him first. This whole situation seems like it happened in a very short time frame too with missing information. Not nearly enough for anyone here to give you solid advice anyway. You should be trying couples therapy in addition to whatever you’re doing without him. Assuming he’s open to that.
Evacuate again. Some storms cannot be stick it out and wait it out.
I don’t think you and the kids are his priority idk maybe it’s because he doesn’t feel he is your priority?
But I think there’s been too much damage
All commenters are not understanding the situation at all! I get it completely. It’s a toughie, she is (I assume) giving him extra chances to rekindle as the father of her children. The communication is nonexistent, they never see each other, due to opposite shifts. All I can offer for advice is, after my turbulent relationship, it can be salvaged if both people are willing to learn, grow and communicate kindly. And that is the difficult part in relationships. That is the hard work people always talk about. It’s not easy to change.
Something had happened before the storm.Why evacuate with out him. Is that how much you love him ? The story is not complete. I feel sorry for him . That could be my son.
Your therapist gave you good advice.
Honestly, it sounds like this is only half the story but I would love to give my take on the situation. Sounds like to me that your husband may have some abandonment issues, with you up and leaving (which was understandable) was to him something that happened before and brought up old feelings. Once you guys were in a better place with him adapting to the older gentleman next door he probably had some resentment toward you for doing that and basically bashed you to the older couple. Yes, it was completely wrong of him to share all that with them and yes again it is completely wrong for the elder woman to say those things to you. However, in the same breath I will say being selfish and not caring to his feelings is the same situation as you saying he needs to keep people out of your marriage. He has to feel like he is in the right and because of that he ran to the older couple to help his “ego” so to speak. I think your both in the wrong and giving someone an ultimatum regardless if they are just neighbors is wrong on your part. It sounds like to me your heart wasn’t really in the marriage and he is just looking for comfort and explanation while your looking for a way out and someone to help confirm your in the right. I am just going off what I am reading because you don’t put yourself in the best light here.
Girl, get. Rid of this piece of crap. Let the nosy neighbors have him. He is dead weight and has nothing to offer you except trouble. You have seen nothing yet.
I couldn’t imagine leaving my husband / father of my children behind let alone without any sort of explanation lol. I would be hurt if I was him too
He shouldn’t have gotten pissed at you for packing…yeah he was tired when you woke him by rushing but he should have let you explain and still he shouldn’t have started Yelling/Arguing at you. Like yeah some people are in the “slow stupid” state of mind when they wake up from a dead sleep, but he should have shut his trap and got up and gone with you instead of staying behind. That was HIS CHOICE. I’m pretty sure you tried ushering him out of the house to leave with you…and most men get defiant when a wife tells them what to do when there’s trouble. You did what was right. You took Your Family to SAFETY, he would have been included if he wasn’t being stubborn.
Let him go. Get the divorce, he will never accept his own part on throwing a tantrum when there was a storm. He just wants to put the blame on you since he acted like a child when it really counted and mattered on keeping the family safe.
should have listened to you therapist…
Man, tell that mf’er to kick rocks, don’t let the door hit em where the good lord split him… and all that other stuff!! You don’t need that stupidity in your life! Obviously you can make it without him… maybe those neighbors will take him to raise now!
You are a terrible person in EVERY WAY… He probably needs to get a lawyer and fight for the children to be far away from such a nasty mother, wife, and individual in general…
There seems to be so many pieces missing. Why would you decide to evacuate without first talking to your husband for one? Like, if he doesn’t want to go, at least prepare him for your departure and the kids’ departure. There seems to have been a lot lacking before this ever happened and I feel like this was just the tipping point for a bucket already filling up.
Wow, all I can say with that much drama is get out and soon.
This whole story reads like someone trying to lie to make themselves look better. How about you share the rest of the story. What innocent person packs up she, and her children’s, belongings and tries to leave while their spouse sleeps in an emergency.
You need to get rid of him & his hangers on " for good no more taking him back "
Kick him out. Get your divorce. Stand your ground. You gave it a shot and did your best. Listen to your therapist- they do know what they are doing. If you don’t trust their advice, find a new therapist.
He woke up to her packing. He should’ve went with her! He should move with you or you move back if you all are trying to work things out. Man all the Susans on here sound like they’d do anything to defend someone else’s man when they don’t know the situation or were in your shoes! Prayers
I don’t know y’all’s story, but I can say therapy for couples would be good.
Yeah idk the woman I’m married to and have kids with is packing and shit I’m going with her although I’d kinda wonder why she didn’t wake me up lol
Come on girl you wanted to bail already the storm was just the last straw seems like you wanted to leave him there and hope he gets taken out by the storm… and the whole neighbour thing …. No one just message out of the blue and especially the elderly … seems like they were concerned for the poor bloke and the therapist wishing you wouldn’t get back with your husband ??? That’s not very professional and highly doubt they would say that Just trying to peice it all together because it all seems like a jigsaw puzzle. Maybe get checked for bipolar disorder either you or your hubby coz something is way off here