I’m dating a guy I’ve known for over 4 years now, dating for a year and a half. I love him, he’s my best friend. My 6 year old also loves him and he does treat us good. The only thing, is he doesn’t do anything around the house as far as fixing anything, or keep the yard mowed, take trash out, nothing. He’s on shift work and all he does is sleep and work. Which is fine if he fixed stuff here and there that needed it. But even with sex, he’s too tired most of the time. We might do it once a week, but a lot of times go a couple weeks or so without it. He’s a nice guy and treats us good, he’s just real lazy on things and doesn’t want to fix anything and avoids confrontation also, all together. Anytime I try to talk about something important or needs to be done, he shuts off and changes the subject. Or like when I mentioned he needed to brush his teeth because its nasty he doesn’t sometimes for a few days in a row or so, he shut down and then said I was, “putting him down” and was real hurt by it. I’m wanting to get a new place and not sure if its the right step together or not, considering he probably still wouldn’t fix something if it broke or not and all.
Learn to fix it yourself it’s not a man’s job. If you are not happy break up you need to be able to communicate and it seems like he doesn’t want to so cut your losses move on your own learn to fix your own things and mow a lawn it will make you independent.
Could be signs of depression, just with the hygiene side and just wanting to sleep, do you think he would see a doctor? Have you tried maybe starting the jobs you want doing and maybe then he will follow you and help?
WOW… If you not happy with him then just leave him… I’m sure he really doesn’t wanna listen to whining All the time… Move on go find someone else then…WTF
Partner not a project. End it. Certain conversations should not have to be had.
Do you work outside of the home?if so the household chores all of them should be 50 -50.if not figure it out.lots of household bussiness ready and waiting to mow your lawn clean yoour house etc.teath would be a deal breaker for me and he should feel bad thats nasty.
Shift work is not easy and every man doesn’t know how to fix things. Find a teenager to cut the grass and YouTube minor diy projects and suggest that maybe you guys can do them together. If he’s working hard, paying the bills and loving your child. That’s pretty dang good.
If he has changed into this then you have a case for bait and switch, if he’s been like this the whole time then its on you for the choice, dont make the mistake of thinking you can change someone who you’ve already accepted as they are
Ill be the oddball here and say that this doesnt sound like a partnership at all in my opinion. I think you two need to have a talk about everything if you want this relationship to continue
Fix it yourself…what makes you think he’s obligated
He could be lazy. Or he could have never been taught to do these things, and yes, including dental hygiene. You can try to talk to him about it some more. I would make the decision soon though if you want to stay or get out, especially since you have a child involved.
I wouldn’t move in with him. That said, he’s not living with you so why is it his responsibility to do the work around your house?
Time to tell him to shape up or leave I can’t believe you would alow your self to be with someone who has bad hygiene???wht even hav sex?? I sure he can do like us other men and work to keep our homes up l did it and then I was working 3 jobs kick his ass to the curb…
He might be depressed. Tired poor hygiene lack of motivation are often signals
Is he depressed? Maybe encourage him to seek help. He’s the one that has to make the decision. Men especially seem to find it shameful to need mental health help. But fighting over getting things done is going to get old, and you’re both going to resent eachother. It will fester.
If he won’t talk to you and have an honest conversation then you have your answer so expect it or move on. People don’t change.
Talk to him about it. I work, my husband did with being in military before he got out and he still did a full day and came home and helped and he was tired from being up at 3am and getting home at 6pm or 7pm. And even when he was away for months as soon as he got home after being deployed he wanted to help around the house…just talk to him
You’re only 4 years in… if thus is something you aren’t willing to accept, then end it. You’re going to be alive a long time and you’ll have to deal with this for decades.
Sounds like he could be suffering from depression.
Do you work? Do you mow the lawn? Do you fix things around the house? It’s all about what he doesn’t do, but there’s nothing about what you do or don’t contribute.
I agree that it is likely depression. Gotta have a frank discussion with him about it. Let him know you want more with him, but he needs to add to that more, not just you. I find it always better to have an impartial 3rd party like a counselor to help you communicate with each other what you need from one another and how to move forward.
Maybe talk to him about not being able to talk to him and let him know ur at ur wits end with it and that you guys need to come to some sort of middle ground or u can’t move forward…h may be depressed and people absolutely can change
He will never, never change!! If his behavior bothers you now imagine putting up with it day after day for the rest of your life. Also, you run the risk of your son picking up those habits. You should never settle. Your trying to fix what he doesn’t see as broken.
You knew he was like that
“Super amazing guy” but he don’t want to talk about things or won’t fix things around the house
Try talking to him again, tell him he needs to start helping out and communication is key in a relationship . If he doesn’t want to help or even talk about, he isn’t going to change
Take him to a doctor to get checked out. If he’s fine time to demand help
There is so much missing that could help you in offering better suggestions. Is the house your currently in yours together, his or yours. That could make a difference in how someone might view their obligations regarding the maintenance of it.
With all that said, have you two ever discussed what kind if relationship you both want and what kind of responsibilities/obligations you feel is important in a reciprocal relationship?
Additionally, I would ask him to see a doctor because if he is not taking care of himself, there may be an underlying reason.
I would figure all those things out first before buying a house together.
It sounds like maybe he is depressed. Not caring if his teeth are brushed or not makes me think it could be depression. How we feel inwardly is usually projected outwardly… and depressed people often don’t groom themselves well.
Its a no for me, from my own previous experience , things will only get worse. Changing the subject when you want to communicate about important things is a major red flag
Not brushing his teeth would be a deal breaker for me for sure. Gross
Girl just leave… Sounds like he has some work to do on himself before he is gonna be good for you or anybody else
It sounds like he is either depressed or flat out lazy .have him seek treatment and if he refuses ,you need to move on .a lazy man will show your kids this is how a man treats his woman. they will find the same or act the same . You and your children come first .
Maybe he doesn’t like you’re grammar either
Will he pay someone to fix what’s broke or do the lawn?
I don’t think I could live with you. You sound you do alot whining. What do you do around the house ?? You probably leave them dishes stacked up for days. Stop whining and go find something to clean
No girl. Don’t move in w him. Sex isn’t enough, his hygiene isn’t up to par and doesn’t do anything around the house. So, he doesn’t beat u n that makes him a good guy? I’d part ways.
Sooooooo would you rather him be a complete and total 
to you and your kid but mows the lawn and fixes stuff (how much broken stuff could you possibly have?!?!) or what you have now?
Although no teethe brushing is gross… I wouldn’t be open mouth kissing him.
If anything brakes in my house I fix it. Why is it a man’s job to do that? We are very capable of doing these things. Seriously I don’t understand this he could be doing worse stuff. Why don’t you check on his mental health? Men get depressed as well.
I’ve worked shift work and it is absolutely brutal on you physically and mentally, he could also be dealing with depression or anxiety issues. Maybe just talk to him calmly without accusations and ask if he is doing ok and what is happening
You know the answer…. Red flags
I’d get out. He works but sounds extremely lazy. You could also help with the mowing and trash. Are you home more? Are you suggesting that sex should motivate him to do more fixing of things around the house? That’s a little strange. As far as not brushing his teeth. That’s complete grossness and the ultimate of lazy and super poor hygiene. I think you ought to reevaluate this relationship.
Might have low testosterone can effect way more then sex drive also can cause depression
Tell him this is what you need from him. He is an adult and regardless if he works one job or three he still has to help around the house. You’re not his mother. The longer you let it go the worse it will get! Imagine having a baby with him 
. Tell him what you need and expect from him and if he can’t step up then you’re leaving. Don’t waste years begging him to be a grown ass man!
The role model you choose for your children should be mature well rounded and able to get off his ass. Let alone brush his teeth. NO WAY!!!
It sounds like he might be depressed, honestly.
Why do you need to tell a grown up to brush their teeth? 
Move on. Stop wasting life. He’s not changing & you’re always going to have higher expectations.
He may be a nice guy but if a grown man can’t brush his teeth there is literally something wrong…no way!! He sounds depressed. I would refer him to a counselor and let him figure himself out on his own
Unhygienic and doesn’t do manly stuff to help around house
Im surprised you dealt with that for 4 years. This is hard to answer because I dont know if youve known this all along and its just now getting to you or if these are new habits he’s developed over your 4 years together… a lazy man is not a good influence for your child. You have to explain to him that you are partners and that taking on all the housework is too heavy of a burden and if he truly values you and your relationship then he needs to start pitching in. Make that clear to him… his actions from there should tell you everything you need to know.
So you’re a mom of 2.
If you like being a mom to an adult, stay, if you don’t, leave. Simple.
Ever think he might be broken and need time to fix himself? Dude sounds like he’s depressed… If you where in his shoes would you want to be reminded of the things your letting slip? Be nice and talk to him. See what’s going on with his side of things…
Ok so all this stuff you have just written, take that, go and repeat the whole thing to him.
people don’t change end of story
Get off your arse and do it yourself
You lost me at he doesn’t brush his teeth for sometimes days in a row
Why do people call it dating? If you’re living together tgats not dating. Dating is when you first start going out with someone the early days when you actually go on dates. Just curious
I don’t think you were putting him down, but having to tell a grown man to brush his teeth 
If you have to say something to your spouse about brushing his teeth I would say your with a child🤦♀️
He doesn’t brush his teeth … I’m out! Come on now!!! Who are you passing up for this guy??? 
I have one like that…but he brushes his teeth. He won’t fix anything, until I tell him I’m going to hire someone and put it one his credit card.
I want to know what you mean by he treats you & your daughter good. Do you simply mean he’s not abusive? It doesn’t sound like he treats you well since he doesn’t do anything. Jmho
He’s not looking for a partner. He wants & right now has a free maid. Run! This isn’t the 1950s. You don’t have to wait hand & foot in a man. You shouldn’t be showing your daughter that it’s normal. I’d simply tell him that you can’t stay in a relationship with someone who won’t partner with you or communicate. Don’t give him another chance that he’ll beg for either. Tell him to prove himself first.
He could have some mental health issues that he is dealing with, that he does feel comfortable enough with talking about. I know a lot of people are on here commenting about the brushing his teeth thing, but that’s considered a huge ass task to someone who is depressed. I know I personally throw myself into work to not think about things, and when I have a bad depression episode all I do is work and sleep. I’m fortunate enough my boyfriend understands though, and picks up the slack
Maybe fix the things and now the yard??? The hell why expect a man to do anything when u have a working body to do it??? Shit I have my man watch the kids so I can now the yard… tell him get his butt up he doesnt get to check out just cause he works… I was with my 1st ex who worked away from home all week no sex no help guess what I did it all figured out how to manage everything my self there are adult toys for a reason. Or move on. Or express how ya feel if he doesnt care than bye bye
Do you have a job???
Sounds like depression or another medical problem. Sometimes falling behind on hygiene is a symptom of depression. Talk to him about seeing a Dr about his Vitamin levels. My husband was the same. He was a roofer but, was diagnosed with extremely low vitamin D levels. Which didn’t make sense be sure he get that in the sun daily. But he put him on 2 a day. He was even talking suicide later and it’s a natural antidepressant. He stopped talking about it after a week. It truly helped. Also ask him to test his Thyroid and .B12 level. That’s energy. Start a multivitamin regime. It truly will help tremendously. Also if his testosterone is low it could be the thyroid gland as it produces hormones. You’ll be surprised. Otherwise tell him your going to fix it. You can Google " How to…" If he’s like mine he will jump in before you start and say he can do it better.
. But definitely seek medical attention. Could be something else if he’s never acted this way before.
Maybe it’s the way you’re saying it when you bring it up to him
Is there a chance he could be autistic?
Nope. This will, probably, never get better. Can YOU live like this ?? Realize, you will be the Maid & chef forever. This is the question YOU must answer. Trust me, it gets old… at least if you lived alone, you won’t need to clean up after him.
Y’all always jump on the “leave him” bandwagon so early and it’s absolutely ridiculous. Do any of y’all even have successful relationships or are all of y’all super demanding and controlling? Like damn. They have a couple issues. Issues that can be fixed. Not issues you throw a 4 year relationship out for. Especially if he’s good to them in every dang way except for fixing stuff.
To op: pick and choose your battles. How much does he work? Sometimes my husband works about 12 hours a night. His shifts range but he is so exhausted. He’s gonna sleep when he gets home. If your only issues are he is so exhausted that he will not fix stuff and that he brushes his teeth 2-3 times a week. Then you have it good. And there is no reason at all to end that relationship. Must be other issues? If not then wow. Relationships aren’t perfect girl. You have to pick and choose battles. It really isn’t that damn important tbh. Sit him down and talk to him like you posted on this thread. But maybe leave out the fact you’re thinking of not getting a place together because of 2 small issues. 
Tell him if he doesn’t fix the broken things around the house then you will pay someone to come do it and give the bill to him.
Or pick up a small side job so you can pay for them yourself. Have you asked him how he is feeling instead of just going at him about it?
Some people don’t even have sex that much. I’ve been with my man 5 years and it differs from how busy we are to being in the mood. So it could be none that week. Once a week. Every other week. Every 3 weeks. Maybe 2 times a month. Maybe 2 times a week. You never know. But once or twice a week is pretty consistent, normal, and good. But express if you need more. And if he is just too exhausted then maybe use a toy on yourself?
With the teeth. If my mans teeth stink I just put toothpaste on both our toothbrushes, start brushing mine, and give him his. Do this and Tell him “we both need to brush” because it seems it’s something he’s insecure about. And if he’s saying you’re putting him down, you’re approaching it wrong, those are his feelings. Guys have feelings in relationships and are important too. It comes off like you’re insensitive to it. Tbh I would just talk to him and be honest and then do the toothbrush thing but girl. Listen to his feelings. Be more understanding. And pick and choose your battles. If this is the only bad and he’s amazing in every other way and still provides then you should be so happy and appreciative. I would get the place with him if I were you girl. He seems like a great dude with a couple human flaws. And everyone has small flaws. Good luck girl.
Nope not brushing teeth twice a day is a hard no! He would not still be around. He could be depressed though maybe he should seek a therapist.
He’s probably depressed! First thing to go is hygiene with depression and addiction. He needs to get himself an anti-depressant.
That stuff doesn’t improve with time. Don’t waste any more of yours.
Young one - he sleeps, no energy, improper personal hygiene (lack of) , gets defensive when behavior is brought up - sounds like possible mental health issue. As far as “fixing stuff” 
so men don’t know how and would probably cost you more after. As far as yard work - do it together - a good foundation of a relationship (4 walls, pillars etc.) trust, accountability, responsibility and loyalty- this is made stronger through communication and understanding. 
Do NOT MOVE forward. A relationship is a partnership ALL THE WAY AROUND.
Is this post about the guy not brushing or showering in a new form
This is why the divorce rate is so high. It’s like as soon as things aren’t going how they should it’s like get a divorce. To just move onto the next, who’s not gonna be perfect either, their is always gonna be things you don’t like, so try to work on fixing what you have rather than starting something new, it’s much easier. You also have to think long and hard about what you can and can’t deal with. The grass is not greener on the other side. Imagine going to divorce court because your SO doesn’t brush his teeth regularly. I’m sure letting him know it’s GROSE and makes you not want to touch him will be enough to make him start brushing.
Sounds like mama missed a few things when he was growing up. Think why do you need him?If you need things done ,does he do it? Take garbage out? Mow lawn. These are things he should be doing. We all worked we all had to take care of the house. All he’s doing is living a freebee life and you just increased your work load. His laundry, cleaning up after him. He needs to see a Dr and see what his problem is. There is something definitely WRONG
Have a conversation. He needs to know that teeth matter. Period. Infections or cavity’s can seep into the blood and kill him.
Personally, bad gums run in my family. Teeth are non negotiable.
Make a dentist appt for a cleaning and let them explain it.
Then, talk to him about how you feel. Trust me when I tell you, if you don’t work this out now, it’ll come between you later.
If he isn’t willing to be the man of the house, find one who is.
Doing shift work is hard on a person. He’s probably tired and depressed.
Sounds like depression 
your comments aren’t helping
Yep… won’t get better… time to move on or realize you will be putting up with it forever and will likely get worse.
He is not going to change.So,can or are you willing to deal with these things and,be OK with it?If not no.
Sounds like he is depressed, and overworked. He probably needs some therapy. This is why there are so many divorces, people who cheat and men commit suicide at a much higher rate than women, nobody actually cares about mens feelings, and it’s just sad 
First of all wtf, second: men get lazier the more you are with them so if you want to mow the lawn or pay someone, cool if not. It’s not happening
Lastly: as someone who has been through it. Move on and find someone who loves you like you should love yourself
If you’re renting, repairs are the landlord’s responsibility. Make sure to keep record evidence of needed repairs, with dates, etc noted.
If he’s a lazy bum who appears to just be using you for room and board, plus sex thrown in (when HE wants it), then look in your mirror for the source of the problem.
Lesson: find a man who is willing to make a commitment to you. Better yet, reconnect with your kid’s dad if that’s at all possible. Your kid needs BOTH of you.
He needs therapy for his own sake. Behaviors like this aren’t (especially the teeth) are usually an indicator that there’s something more going on. Therapy and meds for the win!
Relationship and marriage is a 50-50 process. Or it does not work. If you took the fact that he has a crappy work schedule and you did 70% Him doing 30% I would say stay with it. But he does 0000 You answer your own question. You want another kid or a Partner???
Leave him . He’s no kind of role model for Your child. You deserve more !
If it bugs you now, it will always bug you. Only you can decide if you can tolerate it or not in the long run. Just figure it out before you get married or have more kids.
If he works a lot and shift work at that he’s probably tired. My husband worked shift work for almost 30 years and he said your body never really gets adjusted. The one thing I couldn’t handle is going days without brushing his teeth. I’m sorry that’s just gross
Not brushing his teeth??? No, no, no way .
Tell him how expensive dental work is And how if you leave white gook around your teeth it damages teeth and you have no teeth when your old get a handyman see who charges the least it’s a little bit of time but check into it. I had one come to the house for a little project and it made my husband nervous he ended up wanting to do it himself all I said is oh dont worry about it I’ll just call our handyman. I’m tired of hearing how the husbands don’t do enough this is a new world it’s really hard out there be glad he can hold downs job it could be much worse
I say cut your losses and find a better one!! He won’t change!!
Could he be depressed? Men can hide but these are signs of someone with depression.
Work on it, or leave him. But I think 3 years is a limit on relationships… If it’s not marriage material by then, move on.
I honestly feel bad for whoever takes advice for this group I don’t even know how I got in here but yours boyfriend is very clearly depressed it’s probably hurt his feeling that you would rather try to brute force his depression to the side and demand results instead. He probably feels a lot of the way he acts voided. Tell him it’s okay, let him know that he does not have to be stressed and worry 24-7 and ask if there’s any thoughts he has that may keep him from happiness. Bless my wife for caring about me and helping me when I was like this. As I would do for her… even is she didn’t brush her teeth.
Get stuff fixed and make him pay for it.
Perhaps a job change would bring you BOTH some happiness?