Man I’m so sorry… it’s a difficult thing to try to break negative patterns when raising your children. Especially when you or your child gets taunted for it or told things like this. I don’t think there’s much you can do though aside from stating your boundaries and then backing off from the relationship unfortunately
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Tell them to mind their business. They already had their chance to raise kids. No need to push their psychotic ways on a second generation.
You sat back and didn’t say anything??! You felt sad for your son?! I would’ve stood up for my child right there and then and tell them my son has every right to cry and express his feelings! If you don’t defend him who will? Boys, grown men have feelings and emotions too and crying doesn’t make them any less of a male! Geez!
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“You won’t see your grandson anymore if you continue with the 1942 nonsense.” I don’t care what people think about my parenting.
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If speaking out to them is disrespectful then let them know it is disrespectful to talk like that to your kid. Respect is earned not given just because someone is older than you.
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Laugh and point out that at four he is no where near a man and doesn’t have to act as such… he is a boy and will act like a boy…
Oh hell no.You make it very clear that he is your son.My boyfriend tried doing that with our son and I told him to get fckd.Boys have feelings too.
All kids cry and its there way of expressing emotions.just tell them straight out he’s your child and your the one raising him not them.
Don’t wait for the next time. Tell your son now that they were wrong and his emotions /feelings matter.
Call them separately (or have your husband call) to let them know to not say that to your child again.
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SPEAK UP. Your inlaws dated internalized toxic masculine ideals do not surpass your sons right to be heard and accepted or the knowledge he needs that his parents have his back.
Next time say something like “don’t worry child’s name mature men know how to process their feelings and sometimes those feelings come with tears, it doesn’t make you any less strong. It’s okay to cry don’t worry about what in laws name here says” and then I’d address them directly that you don’t appreciate them speaking to your child in that manner, well you understand things were different back in their time, boys have just as much right to feel their feelings as always else
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Yeah,they need to be told that it’s not their kid so they need to stop saying that to him.
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My uncles have recently taken offense to the fact that my 4 y/o carries around a baby. He just started school and loves to play with the babies and he said his sisters don’t share, so I bought him his own and got it some boy clothes to put on so it’s not as “girly”. My husband had a problem with it, too. But I told all of them, he likes it. Get over it 
he enjoys it so that’s what he gets to do. I bought him the baby, I won’t take it from him. “It’s my kid and the way I choose to parent is my business, thank you” I choose to let my baby play with a baby. He feeds the baby, and even asks me to baby sit while he’s at school. He would take it to school if he could get away with it. Everyone else’s opinion, even my husbands, don’t matter here. What matters is my baby being happy, and he is.
So sorry I wish I had better ideas but I’d probably go with your choice ans say f off.
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Do what you think is best. Don’t let anyone make you feel less or uneducated. They are far from perfect.
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Now that you know the in-law attitude, use it as a teachable moment for your son. Tell him you and he understand how we address things. “We’ve talked about it”. But unless you wish to sever ties with the in-laws, it would be best if these circumstances arise again to simply gather up your son and depart as gracefully as possible.
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Talk to them before it happens or get your partner to say something to them
I must commend you for being one of those moms who are all for the change and steering toward, growing a balanced young man who is in tune with his emotions. U need to address your in laws about the situation. This is your child. Let them understand where you’re coming from. Loving you means respecting yr wishes as the parent.
I had to sit and listen to my mum call someone on the TV a “poof” and “gayboy” infront of my 7 year old daughter. I really quickly said to her, “we do not use that language around her, she is impressionable and its a very dated outlook and homophobic. Do not speak like that again or we will not be back” she really quickly apologised and said to her granny should not of said that. Makes me sick she has this attitude. Say what you need to, he’s yours. Xx
I would’ve said something
Flat out tell your FIL ‘sorry that’s not how we handle things in our family. Everyone is allowed to have and show their enotions.’ You betrayed your child by not having the mouth to speak when he needed you most. Don’t let it happen again if you want him to put his innermost feelings in your trust. Shame on you AND gramps.
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First have a talk with the in laws… they sound old school and even though they think they should have some say, they do not! Their job is to follow your lead and help maintain balance… tell them that he should be able to express himself and also use his words, and even cry if he doesn’t know the right words to express how he is feeling… crying is an emotional exercise and releases pent up aggression so it’s perfectly fine and absolutely appropriate for his age. Maybe have your husband break the ice too and you follow behind him… that’s fine if they wanted to raise their kids that way but it’s your turn to decide what’s best for your kids. Also flyover husband might have some insight on how that effected him growing up to not be able to express himself and how he’s feeling… I’d rather they cry than to lash out or hurt inside… Also if you do not speak up for your son no one else will either… if it’s valuable to you to stand up for what you believe in that could have been a good lesson to teach him right there and then… just because they were taught you don’t speak up to an older generation, that doesn’t trump your beliefs and values
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Tell them to know their place…and that isnt it.
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Oh my god do not get me started. My father (70) was raised that way and sitting at my mothers funeral (I was 9@the time) he told me and my brother that same shit. That shit scars you for life. Idgaf who they are put them in their GD place!
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My exact words would be “get fucked” 
Don’t say anything to them. Look at your son, in front of them and correct what they said. “It is totally ok to cry. Come here. Boys and girls cry. Mama cries. Daddy cries. Tell me all about you. You are safe with me. Use your words and let it all out.”
If they have an issue, then tell them to fuck off.
Don’t let them damage your baby because you are scared to challenge them to “keep the peace”. You keeping peace with them is going to destroy the peace inside your boy.
I’d tell them to stfu
You’re the advocate for your child. Stand up for your son and tell them how you feel.
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If my 4 year old grandson hurts himself he tries to put a brave face on a says a few times " I’m ok " even when hes not, when I tell him it ok to cry and come and get a cuddle he runs to me gets his cuddle and starts to sob, hes saw some men in our family cry at one time or another, hes a little boy who’ll grow big and strong with a caring nature, she sounds as though she was brought up without feelings
You don’t have to say anything to FIL.
FIL: Boys don’t cry! Boys are in control of thrmselves! You need to stop it right now!
You to son: Aww, buddy. I see you’re having a hard time. Is there anything I can do to help you with that so you don’t feel so sad right now? Do you need to talk about it? Dinner will be ready soon, I promise. Can I get you something to drink to hold you over? Poor guy you must be really tired from not sleeping. Mommy gets grumpy when she hasn’t had enough sleep too. It’s ok, baby. Let’s go have a cuddle in the other room and wait until dinner is ready.
You haven’t addressed your FIL, so if he considers you acknowledging your son’s emotions disrespectful to him, that’s his problem. If he wants to address it, then he opened that door, and you can respectfully tell him that you will parent your son your way. He got his chance to raise his son, and now it’s your turn to raise yours. That’s just facts. There’s no disrespect in stating facts.
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My husband sometimes says the same to our son. I go against it sometimes- but my husband says I don’t know what it is like to be a boy. He doesn’t want him to get teased or picked on if he gets in the habit of crying all the time over nothing. My son is older though (almost 8 )
Point out to your in-laws they have their culture the way they raised their son and you have your culture the way you are raising your son tell them times are different and cultures have changed
Your child! Raise him your way!
Tell them to stop and that boys/men should be able to show their emotions and this is why so many males suffer in silence 
Straight up and tell them !
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Ignore them and keep talking to your son. Let him cry that’s his way of communicating. I was told the samething about my son but I told them you raised your children. This one is mine I will raise him the way I want to
You should communicate clearly with your son(it sounds like you always do) but I would continue to do that in front of your FIL and maybe he will learn something too. “Everyone has emotions. Feel them and understand them if you can. But we should all try to express them in a healthy way.”
You should have put an end to it in the moment. YOUR child NOT theirs. They can either understand that he’s a FOUR YEAR OLD CHILD or they can not be involved in his life.
Next time call your son over to you and talk through it like you do at home. If grandpa tries to say stuff like that just look at him and say “I am talking to my son, wait your turn.” If he is such a man he would know that is not manly to interrupt when two people are talking.
We have had to tell our kids all kinds of things after my husband’s stepdad says nutty things to them. " Just because Papa Al says it doesn’t mean it’s true." They are now teenagers and on our last visit he upset me. My 15 year old son: " Mom just because Papa Al says it doesn’t make it true. That mans an ass."
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Flat out tell them emotions do NOT have a gender nor are they defined by gender and in my house we DO NOT disregard emotions because he is a boy. Their attitude is going to hurt your son and that is more important that the BS rule they have
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I would say that’s not how you are doing things so please don’t say that. Or when they say that you could tell your son no that’s not true and not to listen to that in front of them.
I know what I’d say but I’m lady so won’t repeat it here
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Tell them to f off…
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My inlaws say that to especially about my son fighting cancer their like he should be tough
… to them no guy should should emotion. When our 5 month old died of sids they expected my husband just to get over it and move on
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I wouldn’t want my son around people like that. Many men who were unable to be emotional as a child have big emotional problems as adults which cause problems in their own relationships. I would definitely talk to them and explain he’s your son and this is how you are raising him. If they still say things like that I wouldn’t let my son be around them period. It’s such an out dated and wrong opinion
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Tail them that he it’s allowed to do whatever he wants with his emotions and that they need to back off and stay out of it it is not their son
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Tell them to mind their own and not your kids
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If anyone, and I don’t care who, tells my son he can’t cry because he’s a boy, or anything resembling that, I would correct it. Right in front of that person, my son, everyone. Because that is an antiquated view and we should all know better by 2021.
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My brother in law once told my son who was about 3-4 at the time big boys don’t cry well I was infuriated I said my son has feelings n if he needs to cry he is allowed n not shamed for showing emotion he shut his pig mouth rite away ! Also my brother in law has no children so telling a small child boy or girl don’t cry bcz big boys/girls don’t cry needs to stfu !
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You step up and tell them politely to stop telling your son that because it is not how you’re raising him. Men who are told this and taught that they can not show emotion are the ones who end up with depression and other serious mental issues. Its not ok…
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Mariela Quintanilla 
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I tell my 4 year old he is just having some big feelings and that is ok. We talk about what to do about it. People should respect your parenting.
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I have 3 boys. In my house we do allow crying but there is a strict no whining policy. When one of my boys ages 15 14 and 5 start whining I my reply is always the same. “If your going to whine go to your room. If you want or need something use your words. That’s why I taught you to talk, but whining is not the Way we get our thoughts across”. But genuine crying is always met with sympathy and a hug. My 14yr is actually my whiner. He has emotional out burst and is easily upset about the most trivial things. But he has gotten alot better then he used to be. He is a bonus kid (step child) and his dad never knew how to handle him. One day he balled his eyes out for 3 hrs because his dad would not buy him a toy. His dad just sat there on the couch listening to him cry uncontrollable for 3 hrs. Till I got home and was like what happened. His dad explained he spent all his money at the fair in the first 20 min. Then got mad when he wouldn’t give him more. To which I asked how long ago was that. He was like it was hours ago. I’m like that’s ridiculous. So I asked my boy what happened and he pretty much explained what his dad told me through wrecking exaggerated sobs and tears streaming down his face. So I asking my boy who is at the time 12yrs old well are you hurt? He said no. Ok is anyone else hurt? He looked at me funny but said no. So I asked him then are you whining? He stopped in mid sob looked at me and in a small voice said yes I think so. So I asked him what is our rule on whining? to which he replied stop or go to my room. I asked him it’s your choice which would you like to do? His mouth dropped open no words came out. He looked at his dad to see what he would say. His dad always backs up my rules. And our son knew this. He replied I would like to go back to the fair plz. I asked him if he could control himself if we took him back. He nodded his head. I’m like good. Now go wash your face and we will go have fun. And that was the last bad episode we really had out of him. He still has break downs but now he goes to his room.
Moral of the story. It’s OK to cry but whining is childish and not how we get what we want.
I’d suggest if your son is crying because he is hurt then comfort him. But there is a difference between whining and crying. They can sound the same. But whining is what we do when we want something and crying is what we do when we need someone. Teaching our children to become emotional aware by asking them questions about why what when and how is just as important as teaching them the names and feelings. I think this is what your FIL. Ment by what he was saying. Maybe ask him to word it differently next time.
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This is a BIG deal. I had a similar situation and I said that he was my son and we don’t talk like. Please respect us and don’t talk like that again or we will have to leave.
Good luck.
Don’t ever say that to my son again.
No conversation or debate. You’re not asking their opinion. You’re setting boundaries for your son. Protecting him. That’s your job. No apologies. Get it girl 
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Limit there access to him and definitely keep him away when he could be in a “mood”. U can’t change them it is ingrained.
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Simply tell them your son has the right to show his emotions regardless of their views. He is your child and you should tell them that is not how we raise him. And kindly tell them not to say that to him again
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Speak up. That’s your child. You are basically showing him its okay for them to say whatever the hell they want to him.
Explain what you’ve taught him. They should respect that.
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I would interrupt with “oh it’s ok, he can show his emotions, we all have them and we’re learning to process them and why they’re happening instead of just stuffing them.”
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Where is your S/O and why aren’t they stepping in?
I would tell them for one he’s only 4 and also I would tell them “please don’t tell my son that thats not ok”
“Thata barbaric, it’s ok to have emotions. This IS the 21st century after all” and if he gets butt hurt point out some flaw in ur bf (not a jab at him so much as them) “u told ur son the same thing and look at him now. An emotionally distant ass hole. ~sarcastically ~ goooood jooob” or something.
I would just set some healthy boundaries and if they continue to act a fool, distance myself from them. No familial ties is worth your child emotional well-being.
Just simply say its 2021… You can literally be who ever you want 
unfortunately mommy and daddys parents were raised differently. They had to eat what was made, act and do things the way they were taught/told . people were more stern a more strict time back them …
sad to hear that. Whenever it comes to anything pertaining to your child, protect them, speak up for them and always let them know you are there for them! Keeping the peace is not important, standing up for your child is. The first time that came from their mouths, it should’ve been addressed because they will think it’s o.k. to say it again. No matter what culture they are, respect should come from them.
You are his voice! so if fuck off is what has to be said, so be it 
You defend your child an stick up for them from anybody weather their family or not
First off, if you disrespect my child, I’m going to disrespect you. Age/generation goes out the window when they disrespect my children. Secondly, I have a very emotional boy. My mother use to tell him, “your a big boy, dry that mess up”. I looked her square in the eye and said, “he is allowed to feel and show his emotions. Leave him alone.” Stand up for the your child. Even if it seems “disrespectful” to your fil, you ARE being respectful to your child when you do. Teaching our boys healthy emotions and that they’re allowed to feel them is what every mother should do. Shutting them down is toxic.
SAY SOMETHING!! That is such an old belief.
Times have changed. You need to speak up to your in laws and tell them that YOUR son is allowed to be emotional and cry when he needs to. It’s not disrespectful to tell someone how you will be raising your own child, no matter what their age is. Being told to “suck it up and be a man” is the biggest reason why men have mental health issues. I know more men that have died by suicide than I do women, because they’re made to bottle up their emotions and never deal with them. Men are allowed to have feelings too.
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You calmly and respectfully talk to him. He was raised in a different time. Explain to him that you and your husband are raising your son a different way. Explain why and how you are doing it. He was raised that way so he doesn’t understand any different.
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Stand up for your kid. That what you do. Tell them he’s allowed to cry and feel emotions because having emotions is normal. Being manly isn’t being emotionally unavailable. If they have something to say bring up the suicide rates for men. If they still have something to say tell them to shut up and deal with the fact that people ESPECIALLY MEN have MF feelings. Don’t let their culture of not speaking up to older generations stop you from speaking up for your son. Tell them what’s up, or cut them off.
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He is your child and you are raising him not them!
its 2021 not the 1950s , the older generation can suck it when it comes to how i raise my kid , its YOUR child not anyone else, i have the outmost respect for my elders but dont comment on my kid if he/or she wants to cry by all means baby you let it out, i dont stand for any of that crap , they had their chance to raise their kid and i bet he has a hard time expressing his feelings and or doesnt even talk about his emotions , , keep doing you and next time speak up … <3
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You should be so proud, honestly, the world would be a better place if we as a society taught our young kids to identify their emotions, rather than bottle them up. It is absolutely okay to cry. I don’t have any advice really, besides pulling your son aside and reaffirming this. I understand now wanting to do it in front of your FIL. But, regardless your son needs to know that crying is something every human being does, regardless of gender.
I imagine if it was me, I would’ve done the passive aggressive thing and took my child aside and told him in not so muted voices that my fil was wrong to say that.
Sweetie, my baby is 24. At this point, I have no problem letting him and everyone around him know emotion is TOTALLY acceptable. But my baby is multi challenged with autism and IDD being 2 key issues. We’ve worked too hard to get and keep him communicating. Continue teaching him proper outlets and if possible, maybe find a reason to go take a walk even to look out a window at a flower or the clouds and that way you can redirect your child without offending your in-laws. And I’m sure no nap and hunger got him. That could be a “hangry” joke…you know men get cranky when they’re hungry. 
BIG OLE TEXAS DRAGON MOM HUG!!
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Have a talk with the parents, if they want to be an active participant in yur childs life, then they can follow your rules.
Our job as a parent is to raise and protect or babies. If someone wants to undermined that… they can watch on the sidelines until your child is old enough to protect themselves
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If keeping the peace means sacrificing how you want to raise your child screw keeping the peace. We are our children’s advocates speak up next time mama. If they don’t like it they will learn to stay in their lane or stay away. Either way your son will learn it’s ok to be human and have emotions.
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You say nothing to your in laws. You look your child in the eyes & tell them that crying is normal & healthy. And that saying that “boys don’t cry” is a archaic toxic & sexist & that we don’t believe in such things.
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I would have said something along the lines of do not attempt to suppress my child’s feelings for your own. 
Next time pipe up and say “boys do cry and have emotions and there is nothing wrong with that!!!” But look at your son while you say it as if there’s nobody else in the room!
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Get that momma bear growl out and put them in their place.
First off he’s a little boy. Like wtf? What little boy doesn’t cry? He probably won’t even remember them saying that crap to him right now but you never know… I have memories before I was 4. Anyway… your his mother and I think he is most likely to take your word over things. He needs to know it’s okay to cry. Damn…
I don’t care what generation anyone is from, I will never allow them to harm my children, and that whole mindset that they’re trying to pass on and instill in your children is harmful. Trauma gets passed on through cycles, toxic masculinity, misogyny, patriarchy, it is a cycle that has been passed on through colonialism. I will never allow any of it to touch or come near my children.
I would say…he is a child, and yes, children do cry…both boys and girls.
They should’ve been loved better as children themselves.
Shdv gone with your gut and said F**K off. I wdv… X
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You tell your in laws to BTFO! You will raise your son your way! If they don’t like you don’t have to go around them.
My son is still super emotional ive learned to embrace it and explain to him that emotions are normal part of life and stay that they remind us of being humans. I’ve told this friends boys as well. So maybe explain that to the in laws when it happens again.
In a nice voice, to your son, “It’s ok honey. Guys (or everyone) need a cry to feel better sometimes, too.” You don’t even have to say anything to FIL. If he says anything, and you want to keep it civil, say that children that age have big, new emotions that are overwhelming and lead to crying sometimes. If he says anything else, both of you leave the room. I hope you talked to your son afterwards. Good luck. That’s super frustrating
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Tell them to get fucked
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Just want to say 
on how you’re raising that little man:heart:
Boys should be taught to be leaders. They emotions matter and should be heard but they should also be taught to not let their emotions control them. A strong Christian man should be the role model for young men with the goal of being Christ like!
You guys are the parents and in my opinion this you’re doing the right thing by teaching your son this
How does your husband feel about it
Maybe have him tell them if you don’t want to
But if this was continuous I would tell them “I don’t mean any disrespect but this by could you please not tell … not to cry we’re teaching him that it’s ok to process emotions and feel emotions we all have and express them in a healthy way” and hope they are respectful
If they ignore that when I’ve clearly pointed out why I parent how I parent (not that you should have to) that’s when I get not so respectful because I made it very clear
And then that’s disrespectful in their end
They are not the parents
I would speak directly to your son, in front of them, and correct their statement. Try to avoid confrontation with them while showing your son that you disagree and he is not wrong for being upset.
You just keep doing what you’re doing and ignore them after your first initial warning to them. That warning should go similar to this: “we don’t believe in that. Everyone should express their emotions, otherwise they may need therapy in the future. Men who properly care for their emotions make better husbands anyways and I won’t be raising my son to have toxic masculinity like most men.”
Do not have to read the whole thing, had in-laws just like that. I told them to mind their own business, he is my son and if you do not like it, you do not have to be a part of his life. It’s that simple. Of course they are now my ex in-laws, but they saw things my way back then. Now my children are old enough to decide if they want a relationship with them or not.