If your done your done sobriety won’t matter
You’ve tried and it doesn’t change. You should go through with the divorce and put yourself and the kids first. If he gets sober and sticks to it then that’s great for the kids. And maybe you two can co parent better. But if he can’t do that for himself and his kids you don’t want to stay in a marriage that makes everyone miserable and unsafe.
Move on he’s not gonna change , don’t lose your kids because of him
Separate for a time. Like a year. If he doesn’t get sober finalize the divorce. And by Separate I mean live separately as if you were divorced.
Happy momma equals happy babies. Do whatever you do for them. It’s just as bad to stay and let them keep seeing the separation and stress.
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Obviously leave since there is children involved??? How hard is that?
Continue with the divorce. He’s selfish and it will only get worse. The outsiders obviously don’t see how he acts while he’s drunk and verbally and emotionally abusing you. And also if he really did care that much he’d leave and also he wouldn’t allow you to sleep on the couch he’d sleep on the couch if he cared for you. My fiancé and I once got into a really bad argument and I didn’t want him next to me so he slept on the floor until I felt bad like a couple hours later and told him to come back to the bed. If a man truly cares and loves you he won’t allow you to take the couch or floor. He’d take it himself.
Well my opinion on the situation is that the verbal and emotional abuse will one day turn to physical abuse and you don’t want that sweetie you do you want to have a good relationship OK you need to get out
Please leave! It’s only gonna get worse.
Hope all works out well for you x
Call the police to get him out
Just now he hurts you, get out you deserve better
omgosh you must be so tired n fed up😥
Im just sad you brought two more kids into the equation after you KNEW he was an alcoholic. 
Those poor babies. My heart breaks for them.
He’s manipulating you.
Contact Alcoholics Anonymous
12 steps
Take care of YOU xxxx
Hi!! I’m also the wife of an addict! Is he attending meetings or just going to detox and calling it a day?
I know the AA meetings seem very culty, but I promise they’re not.
He needs a sponsor if he wants to stay sober and make it.
There is a website where you guys can go to find meetings.
I also participate in co-dependency meetings. I’m not really that co dependent, but the meetings help me detach and separate my husband from the disease.
Get divorced. He can still get treatment. Just get divorced. I did that dance for a decade too long and guess what? When you take them back on their promises, not only does it get worse, but they won’t get treatment.
I group up with an alcoholic dad. Don’t stay together especially “for the kids “ I say my parents down and asked them to get a divorce.
Do what makes YOU happy.
Long term rehab. And sober at least a year outside of rehab. He can also take meds or get shots to help reduce cravings in order to help him stay sober. But he’s going to have to be the one to want to do it. Please dont let his plea for sobering up make you forget what’s best for you and your children. As a recovering alcoholic, we all deserve chances. As a child of a chronic alcoholic, be wary and be steadfast in the love you know you deserve. It’s fantastic he’s wanting to get sober, but how much of that is a ploy to “normalize” his life again? Whether he realizes it or not, alcoholics are highly manipulative and are willing to promise a lot of things to get what makes them comfortable. Much love to you, momma. I know it’s a hard place to be in:pensive:
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Nope. Don’t listen to family or anyone else. You know on your heart what’s best for you & your kids
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I have been in your situation and they say they will change and they might for a little bit and they go right back to doing what they do . I finally had enough guts to leave my verbally and mentally abusive husband almost 9 years ago. When you have had enough you know you have tried and giving so many chances it’s time to go
Only you know what to do. You’ve been put through a lot and so have your kids. Everyone has their boundaries. And it’s ok.
But whatever you choose make sure it’s coming from your heart.
Don’t fall for the gaslighting love. He will do it again. People don’t just change like that.
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Just divorce him. If he stops drinking good for him but you have to look out for you and your kids.if you stay things will just get worse. What kind of roll model is he for the kids. Get them away from him or they will think that’s way to act
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I was with an alcoholic (my daughters dad) I tried to stay with him as he was the same way. I tried for my daughters sake. One day coming home from work I called him and told him he needed to be out of my house by that night as I couldn’t do it anymore. Honey the best thing is to get away. I didn’t think it caused that much stress until I ended it and kicked him out. It maybe hard some days aT first as a Single mama but it will be OK I promise
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leave. save yourself and your children
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I just got divorced from an alcoholic. Don’t take him back. If he gets clean great but do not take him back. This is a form of emotional abuse too. He’s saying this to you with your emotions so you will take him back. Please don’t do it. You will be much happier in the end if you go through the divorce.
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Research how to help him. It’s a true problem & not a flip of the switch fix. Support him. & encourage him. Understand more about it. Definitely don’t do what anyone else wants you to do. Just because. My stepson struggled. His gf was an enabler. She’d buy for him & allow him around then get mad when he’d do it. Her stress on him & aggravating him made him do it more.
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its time something needs done should been out along time ago . been there done that seen also have child with one . as far as i know still does took years also for him to pay cs to paying back cs. saver to get out get him out than to have problems getting him out family becomes happy and healther.
my exs kids including mine do not see him mine the oldest
I took mine back worse mistake I ever made. Move on let let your kids have a normal life. They don’t need to see that
Do not take him back
Leave him until he can prove it! Tell him if he wants to make it work he will go to rehab and classes and stay sober for however long then you can work on your marriage. But girl if that were me. After abuse I don’t think I could do it anymore
File again if Need be. You’ve done all you can do. You’ve given chances and tried. Until HE WANTS to change, he won’t change.
Walk away give your kids a better life , he he stays sober for 1year and you still love him consider reuniting but it never work for me.
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He will do it time and time again. I know I dealt with this for 41 years.
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He needs professional help . You are his comfort blanket . Time to remove it completely . You are entitled to have a life too . Kids are very resilient . They may be glad of a break from him and his problems . If he really wanted to change he would move out and get help . The fact that he refuses to go till he’s ordered to shows that he thinks he’s got you where he wants you !!! Stand firm and stand up for yourself . You only get one life and just because you have kids with him does’nt mean you give up on yours !! He’s made his bed . If he wanted to change he’d have done it . He’s a bully and an abuser and you don’t need him !! Your kids certainly don’t . Get him out ASAP and keep him out . He can see the kids in a contact centre - it may be safer for them !!!
Victims aren’t obligated to forgive their abusers, even if their abusers have changed for the better.
Leave.
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He’s never going to change. Right now he’s manipulating you to think he’s changed so he can continue to use & abuse you. Go through with the divorce. Also go to counseling to help fix what he broke.
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Being a woman that grew up with an alcoholic father DONT GO BACK !!! They say they will change they don’t . First it’s emotional and mental abuse but then turns into physical . It’s not worth it . Leave .
I agree, get him out. Maybe yrs down the line if he stays sober he will understand why you did it. My dad was a heavy drinker and why my birth mother divorced him. Yrs later he met my step mom and after 2 yrs she left him too. Now that woke his ass up. He stopped drinking almost completely and then they got married. He’d have an occasional beer but that was it. So it is possible. I hope he can do it too!
I’ve been in a similar situation and it’s not easy. The best thing for you and your children is to leave. You don’t deserve this treatment and your kids also witness his behavior which IMO is not healthy. If he really wanted to change he would. Emotional and mental abuse are just as bad as physical. He is the only one that can help him. The hardest thing I ever did was leave my my sons father for this exact behavior but in the end it was the best thing for myself and my son. If you are happy your kids will be also. Hang in there mama it’s not an easy situation or choice to make.
DONT GO BACK !!! been there it wont last trust me give your kids a better life much less yours be free to live IF HE WNT LEAVE I WOULD TILL COURT DECIDES WHO GETS HOUSE ECT
I am so surprised you stayed & continue to have kids with this man, With all this, LEAVE end of story, He has a problem, he will always have a problem & that will never change
I was in your situation and I did everything, narcissist can only switch it up temporarily. Theyll always revert back because that’s their true self. You can’t help him, hebdoesnt want to quit, and it will all come down to you and kids and responsibility…hes going to try to leave you before you leave or he will continue to convince you to stay, work it out, or its your fault. Take yourself and your kids away from him. Hes not stable, you andnyour kids are actually in more danger than you could ever possibly imagine. Mine was a 29 year drama, I was the only one in the marriage. Our 4 kids were terrified of him and losing respect for me every day because I tried to make excuses for him, defend him as he really is ill, he flipped it all on me and stories from years ago began to pop up. Sever ties while all is still fresh in your mind. He needs you and he needs the family to hide behind. Leave him all alone.
I would have been bye the first time nobody deserves to live with abuse of any kind.
Sounds like you have done everything you could. If you still don’t trust things will work out I would move on. God knows you have given him enough chances. Do it for yourself n the sake of your kids.
My dad was with my alcoholic mother for many years, at the age of 11 my dad took me and we left. She never changed.
get an apartment, stay apart and see if he starts to make changes on his own, and continue on with the divorce because that will take time, and if he makes the changes you want to see and need to see before the divorce is finalized you guys can back out.
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Your husband prob isn’t interested in finding his own place taking his kids bi weekly and all that jazz they wouldn’t want anyone to see they were not a good parent to begin with thats why they don’t leave hes not going to change dear this is how it is
Fix you , let him fix him if he can , but don’t be his crutch don’t be his reason to get sober , his reason that he falls off the wagon , he has to do it for himself on his own . In doing so it may come down to the truth that you as a couple weren’t meant to be even if there’s love , and that’s okay . Sometimes love just isn’t enough . Love yourself and kids enough to walk away and rebuild a healthy happy life , later if he does clean up maybe you can have a friendship, but there’s a lot of damage already done , yes it’s a sickness , but some of the side effects it causes to the persons loved ones can’t be healed completed .
I would proceed with a separation at the very least. Tell him you can’t do this anymore. If he wants to get help he will have to get help and prove to you that he can stay sober and not be abusive before you’ll even consider coming back. A lot of alcoholics/addicts will use the I’m gonna get help spiel to keep you from leaving yet fall right back into their addiction when they realize you’re not going anywhere. Trust me, I say this from experience. My first husband was an addict and was physically and mentally abusive. Their behavior will continue as long as you allow it to.
Been there get the divorce its time to make yourself happy this is a pattern , do it for not only but your kids also.
Your doing the right thing, you and your kids don’t deserve how he’s treating you.
i would stand my ground and do whats best for me and my kids and remove him from my life
Sometimes you have to love yourself first
I can tell you…until he wants to admit he has a problem and get help no amount of begging crying and shaming is going to work. Its a hard situation when you have kids involved but wouldn’t it be better on you and your kids to not be subjected to that kind of abuse? I would make him prove that he has changed for an extended period of time…not just a few months. I can tell you that the thought of…when is he going to drink again?..is always going to be there. You and your kids deserve better. You have to make a decision thats best for you but make him prove it. Think about what your kids are seeing everyday and how thats going to affect them. Prayers for you and your family. Hugs.
I would have moved out.
I agree with most others here. Continue with the separation. You don’t owe him anything. Would you want your children to stay with someone like this? If you stay and continue to put up with it…they will see it as the norm and most likely end up in similar situations themselves.
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To much damage, lost trust, heart broken! Uncertainty! Move forward stronger then ever!!! You got this he has lived that life so long aswell has yourself it becomes normal! It’s not going to change over night was lol take years if does change! You deserve better aswell as to show your children it’s not okay to be treated that way even to treat someone that way!
Have him check into rehab
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He will always struggle with this. It is hard. Once he gets sober it will always be thinking of it. He will use arguments as a reason to drink. Leave now.
Move out. See what happens when you leave. You have to set boundaries. He’s an alcoholic. He also has to want to get help for it to work. Explain to him you are leaving and see what happens. He will have to hit rock bottom to realize he needs help. Everyones rock bottom is different.
Go through with divorce. If you still love him and want to work on it…he needs a year of sobriety under his belt…and you both need a program or support network. Believe it or not…his alcoholism has made you sick too…and until you deal with it…you are at risk of keeping him in your life as is…or ending up in another abusive or less than.good for you relationship.
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Unfortunately making it work does not solve the problem you are not the only one suffering so are your children you can’t hide your unhappiness don’t stay for their sake because it is not good for them
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In my experience, I believed my ex-wife would change. We’d fight, she’d belittle me and make me feel like everything was my fault. She got diagnosed with bipolar disorder and decided that meth would fix it. It wasn’t until after filing divorce that I found that she had used so many years ago, before me. Some people can and do change, others keep falling back into their addictions. I do believe you deserve so much more, and the emotional abuse takes a long time to heal.
Just leave and find happiness. It isn’t worth staying. He won’t change. You and your children deserve better
You are not responsible for his sobriety. You and your children are what comes first.
My husband was an alcoholic sober 5 years and could drink but stayed away from what he recoved from sounds crazy but now he doesn’t even drink at all now they do make pills to help over come alcoholism I hope this gets better trust your gut tho
Hell no! Don’t you settle. Follow through with what you want and get out. Life is too short to be miserable 
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Stand your ground, do what you need to do for your babies. Are you ready for potential abuse on your kids? As an alcoholic myself, he would change if he wanted to. I learned my lesson 5 years ago and have not had a problem since then.
Leave. Let him prove it. Words are empty. Actions speak much louder.
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He has to want the help. You can’t force someone that doesn’t want the help. And actions speak louder than words, changed behavior needs to happen. But remember he can’t stop cold turkey or his body can go into shock. That’s if he drinks a lot like you say. It takes time.
What do you want to do in your situation… What is best for you and your kids in your situation…
Ive been there…He wont change unless he really wants to! Id tell him to check into rehabs and get sober or continue with the divorce. Theres nothing worse then dealing with the abuse from an alcoholic! Keep your head up because you deserve better!
You can always get legally separated. It doesn’t mean you are divorced, but do have everything set up for divorced. This way if you want to see if your husband really does get help you can always back out. If he doesn’t get the help and prove to you he’s doing better you go and file the divorce papers. Everything will be ready to go at that point. Good luck!
I believe he does want help. And I would go through marriage counseling and insist that he go to aa, and his dr. Make him show you proof of his sobriety. I believe their are support groups for family of alcoholics. Do you go to church? I know everyone is telling you to walk away, but you making this post is really you reaching out for help finding answers only you can make. This is your life, and your decisions are what you have to live with. To stay or leave. I feel so bad for you. Im so sorry for you and your children. They may need counseling too, I sure they see and hear the fights. Counseling for them will help stop them from repeating the alcohol and or drugs cycle. Have your husband move into a spare room, or move one of the children into your room so he can have theirs. Cover the walls in pictures from happy times. Remind him what he needs to fight for. Make him stay in that room until you feel like progress has been made… im not saying he can’t come out, but treat your home like a sobriety safe house.Fighting to stay sober is the hardest fight he will ever have so far. I hope it works out for you no matter what decision you make, it will be the right decision for you and your children. Reach out to your community, I bet there are many local places that can help
I’m all for family staying together when kids are involved but I lean toward the question: what are you teaching your kids staying in a toxic relationship? Either boy or girl you are teaching them this is how you treat your loved one and they are suppose to take it no matter what - would you want to see any of your kids in a marriage such as yours being treated or treating their partner the way you are…if the answer is no to any of them go through a separation period before the divorce and give him those 90 days to get into a rehabilitation program for a year - staying clean/sober then go to counseling and if he can agree to that then it’s worth fighting for if not don’t waste your time bc he isn’t ready for a sober life and you and your kids deserve more than he is willing to give. Good luck in whatever choice you make in your situation and may God guide you in making the right one.
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Tell him to fuck off and love your life for you and your children.
Personally, I would take my kids and move out. I would get a no contact order and force all of his communications to be through counsel. I would also file for him to only have supervised visitation with the kids until he has gone AT LEAST one year sober.
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Your kids should be the first priority & think of yourself as well. Your happiness matters. Do what’s best for you & your kids, even if that means you have to leave your husband for good. Change comes with growth & if there hasn’t been any growth within the last 5 years, don’t waste anymore time. Move on & take new steps in life with your kids. He will always be the father of your children, but no point being together if one is dragging the other one down mentally,physically & emotionally. Focus on what’s important 
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Can he go to a live in rehab untill the whole season is totally completed. Then atend regular aaa meetings.
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It happens over and over it’s not gonna change…he has to want to change for himself or it will not work…if it was me call it quits but its not… go with your hurt if it tells u you have tried over and over and it still dont change be happy call it quits start nee life…
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Do not take him back. My ex husband was verbally and mentally abusive. He was also an alcoholic. He would binge drink alot. Weeks at a time sometimes. Whether i was pregnant or not, he would find a reason to put his hands on me. And once i would pack up me and my childrens things…then he would stay sober for about 2-3 months, apologize and swear he wont do any of it again…well he always found a reason to start back up drinking and using drugs such as meth, crack or whatever he could get his hands on. My children seen alot of things they shouldnt have at their age…between seeing me on the floor getting beat to us sitting outside at 3am waiting for my ex husband to pass out from being drunk. He would hallucinate from the drugs and alot of the time i feared for me and my children. It was alot. I tried to convince him to get help but he never wanted to because he didnt want that “title”. It was hard to leave him for a long time because he had me believing i was nothing and could be nothing without him. He degraded and belittled me so much. I am currently 4 years divorced and have a man in my life that treats me like a queen and my children like they need to be treated. I suffer with PTSD and Anxiety from it all and I am only 30 years old. My children and I have a lifetime protective order against my ex husband.
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OK this may sound nuts but the 1 year mark on not smoking seemed to keep me going. Although not the same, I think he needs a year to get clean and sober. He probably has not left because he knows he will bottom out of left to his own devices with too much ALONE time on his hands. Really tough situation. You may be the reason he is trying to stay sober. He needs to want to be sober for himself. Addiction is very hard. I suggest counseling for yourself to arm you with the tools to deal with it in as positive of a way as possible. He too should go. Maybe he can join the gym or a sports team Where there is no alcohol.
My husband is a alcoholic as well. Its hard to deal with them. You need to do what is best for you and your kids. He will get sober when he is ready. Unfortunately for most something tragic has to happen before they do. My husband was sober for 2 yrs then fell off the wagon and has been going strong ever since. Its not easy to live or be married to someone who chooses alcohol over everything and everyone else. Good luck.
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He can sober up all on his own
U can proceed with divorce
Ur family is not living with u and doesn’t know what u have gone through every day
U know and u don’t have to babysit him anymore
Nah. Continue with divorce. Get police involved to remove him since he is abusive. You are not safe. He is just scrambling to keep a place to stay. Protect yourself and your kids. Press charges and get a restraining order. Threats of harm are chargable offenses.
You have to do what is best for you and your kids. Keeping a marriage together isn’t ALWAYS the best choice for your children especially when that marriage is abusive and/or substance abuse is present. Other people aren’t in your marriage. It’s you and your children, if he’s not going to stay sober than he is not what is best for your children. Saying he wants to change is not the same as ACTUALLY changing.
File for an emergency hearing to establish residency rights during the divorce. That either he or you moves out with any stipulations that whoever moves isn’t giving up their marital property rights and that the assets will still be divided by agreement when the divorce is finalized. You aren’t by law required to be held hostage by him during the interim
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Damn girl you are jaded worse than I am I hope God blesses you and your family and give you some peace and happiness
Divorce, it won’t get better.
Sounds like he wants help to make you happy then changes when he realizes that he got away with it and it worked! Hes not a man a man would stop and stand up as a husband partner and change. Hes gonna have to really want to stop but with out long term help hes likley to repeat the pattern. Why should you stay and deal with it. For the sake of what him? What about for the sake of you and any kids involved
History tends to repeat itself. Maybe intensive therapy would help but he needs to want to get better
If you baby an addict you’ll kill the addict. Tough love hunny. Take you and the kids somewhere else while you petition to get counsel meetings to be between you two. Also any documentation of his abuse will be super helpful in the end. Any messages showing that should be saved as well. If he is on mortgage/lease they won’t kick him out either, if he isn’t and is just getting mail there you have to go through the eviction process, painful but sounds necessary. The children should not have to see that type of stuff, trust me it can have lasting effects on their minds best of luck hunny
Run. And don’t go back. Your kids don’t need that.
Why would he change as long as you keep taking him back ?His behavior has shown you his priorities numerous times. Time for you to decide if you really want to live your life like this, not to mention the harm this is doing to your Kids. Time for you to really consider your future. Is he an asset or a liability to your family ? Sounds like its time to move him out, change the locks and move on with your own life. Good luck !
Personally, I’d call my attorney and see what I can do. See if you can get a personal protection order, then he’d have to leave the house, if the house is worth it to you. Otherwise, take you children and leave. Find a place that is safe for y’all. Good luck momma
My ex was narcissistic. Don’t stay because of the kids. I did for many years. They will understand when they are older. Do what’s right for them as well as you. In this case, it sounds like you’ve had enough.