Throw him out if you can. Don’t cook or do anything else for him. No money… nothing. Don’t take him back. He loves booze more than you.
Go thru with Divorce. Get your life back! Save your children from this mess.i wasted 20 years on a Man. Don’t make my mistake! My children suffered for it. Get away from him soon as you can.
1 Like
From personal experience it doesn’t get better it gets worse! You are showing your son that’s how you treat a woman! You are showing your daughter that’s what woman deserve! Leave now! Go to a woman’s shelter! Get away from him! Protect yourself and your kids before its too late!
2 Likes
Leave honestly girl get out I know I was married to a alcoholic for three years and with him six and he kept promising me he would change and go get help yeah right one he would get physical verbally and mentally abuse me and the last straw was when he threw scissors at me in front of my son and the neighbors called the cops … I couldn’t even go to work without getting phone calls from leaving voices mail cause I couldn’t have phone on me while on the floor in the warehouse with out getting called a whore and everything thing else
Find a women’s group in your area that can help you move out and get back on your feet.
1 Like
Omg. NO.
He’s already had his chances. And he’s shown you time and time again he won’t change.
Being an alcoholic is one thing, being abusive is another.
NEVER stay with someone who abuses you, no matter the circumstances
2 Likes
Tell him if he can stay sober for one year you than maybe
Girl he’s playing you! That’s what addicts do. He needs to exit your space, get help if he really wants it. Get a job and support his family. If he doesn’t do all these things it will be his choice.
1 Like
Leave you and the kids deserve better!
All I can say is he’s not going to change until he hits rock bottom. Him trying to get sober is a good thing however only making it 3 months means there’s a bigger issue. You alone and your kids are not going to be able to make him get sober and stay sober. You need to get out and let him hit rock bottom and then hopefully he will change. I could be wrong but it seems like he changes so you’ll stay and then as soon as he knows that you’re not going anywhere he reverts back to his old habits which means he’s only doing it to keep you there.
Been here before we were married for almost 13 years been together for 15. I packed the kids up and left him while he was at work. Went to my parents house and havent looked back. It was the best decision ive ever made. He stopped drinking and all 4 of us are happier than when we were married. He found someone and so did i that support and love us and our kids. Ppl told me to work it out as well but it didnt work that way for us, we were better off on our own. We were each others triggers to drink.
1 Like
If you decide to work things out, have him explore the option of Naltrexone. Or Antabuse if necessary.
I was in a situation similar to this one; I gave him so many chances that it became routine, and I quietly became in denial for so many things and became blind because of our kids. I finally woke up and stood my ground, enough was enough and I was done with it all. So, I tell you, keep your chin up and hold strong - you deserve to be respected, and the children deserve a happy mother. If he truly wanted help and to change for the better, he would have stopped a long time ago. Walk.
1 Like
I was married to an addict for 13 years. He DID get sober and stayed sober, so it is very possible. Addiction is an ugly thing.
You need to determine what is best for you and your kids. Empty words on your part will not help. Leave, find a place to stay (family, friend). Give him “ultimatums” like treatment, therapy (group/individual/family because you need to be a part of the process), steady job, etc. “Date” him while he heals, but don’t live with him. If he REALLY wants his family, he’ll do his best. Give it time, like several months. You also need time to heal and process things. In the meantime, save up for a lawyer and document things, in case it doesn’t end up working out.
An addict needs to hit their rock bottom, and they cannot be forced to quit. They have to willingly want the help.
I am 100% speaking from experience, here.
For me, once the shit finally hit the fan, I was done. And he was already sober for quite a while, he was going thru the “dry addict” phase. He’s been sober for roughly 15 plus years and we are very good friends. I have nothing but mad respect for him, for fighting his demons and doing everything he could to change things for the better.
Don’t work it out for the kids. Work on you. It’s up to him to work on himself. Whatever will be, wil be. I know people who went through stuff like this, stuck it out, and they’re still together doing better than ever. It all depends on how much BOTH of you are willing to work, or want to work…
Do not get sucked back in. I filed for divorce , but agreed to reconcile on the contingency that mine would get help for his alcohol abuse. and mine stayed so before about 4 months and then slowly his bitterness and anger at me for “forcing him to quit drinking” came out.
He started absolutely treating me like crap, had nothing to do with his kids whatsoever for almost a whole year. Spending the night out and turning off his phone, etc. I tried EVERYTHING. Finally filed for the second time and I won’t go back this time.
1 Like
I only you know that if you want to give him a second chance
Honey I am so sorry. I have lived this life and he never got sober.
Get him to leave the house any way you can
Change the locks leave his things outside
All you are doing is teaching your children that this is how a marriage is normal and that is what they will settle for.
2 Likes
Let the judge serve him. He’s not going to change.
1 Like
If wants he family back
Than he needs to prove it to his family
And be separated for a 1year . Before you sign the papers.
To show you he means business.
Forgiven and healing is what you and your family needs as of now.
Divorce can be down the road .
I know both sides
Let your heart tell you what’s best
Your children see this. If you show them this is acceptable, that’s what they will learn. You deserve better. So do they. It may take you leaving/ kicking him out for good for him to decide he deserves better too. That’s what it took for my ex to decide. We’re all better for it. And I’ll never take him back.
2 Likes
Nobody has ever gotten sober and stayed sober for somebody else. Stay with the divorce If he makes it sober for a year and you decide he’s worth it then you can always remarry.
3 Likes
Continue with your separation and divorce plans. If he REALLY wants to change, he will do so, despite you filing for a divorce. If he succeeds in cleaning himself up (in terms of years, rather than months), you can always reconcile at that time.
2 Likes
AA sober 2 year then think about it
separate for a while
continue with the divorce , you cant cure him he is responsible for his drinking , you need a life withh out him
2 Likes
You’re gonna have to leave
1 Like
Leave and don’t go back. Do what is best for you and your children. They don’t deserve to live a life like that and seeing their mother being abused. Trust me you will be so much happier. It’s no one’s business what u decide to do with your life and they aren’t the ones living with him and dealing with his abuse.
1 Like
Don’t do it. They don’t have to live with him or the abuse. They can take him back
Plan your exit strategy methodically. Please. Fall in love with your self again.
1 Like
It will not change. I went through that for 8 years. Leaving was the best thing I ever did for not only me, but my kids too. I am no longer angry, stressed out, worried about him, ect.
But I’m the end, nobody can tell you what to do. We can give advice, but only you can day when you’re done
2 Likes
I have two children and i am currently going through a divorce from someone who became a alcoholic and who was also mentally,verbally, and physically abusive. It’s tough at first but the best thing for both you and your children is to leave the situation for a better life. The kids will struggle at first and so will you, but things get better. You guys will wake up one day truly happy and wonder why being scared to start over held your back for true happiness for so long
5 Likes
Alanon could help you, even if you go through with the divorce
He aint changing do ya thang! Be free. Cause if i could i damn sure would
Nope… I wouldn’t have stuck around this long… you know you deserve better & so do your kids…
You already started getting out I would keep the ball rolling. If he won’t leave I would try to find a new place yourself and see what he does on his own. You deserve better and the addiction cycle is very hard to break, I would want to keep your kids out of it as much as you can. If he can hit maybe like a year sober then I maybe think about it.
You have made the right decision for your self and children 
go forth and enjoy your life. God will bless you for saving your self and your children. Thank God you are getting out of that situation . Stay strong 
.
1 Like
It will get worse if you give one more chance to him, much better to continue with the divorce and fucos to your kids, love yourself first, two chances is enough if he willing to change.Goodluck and GodBless
1 Like
Continue on… if he’s serious he will get help. Many people remarry later for a 2nd time after issues are resolved
Had the same issue-- divorce him and solve the problem!
This is not one to get advice from other people. They are not living it, you are. You need to make the decision. You know what you need to do for you and your children. God bless you and protect you.
Leave. Separate, and if he actually goes longer than 3 months, and shows that he actually wants his marriage, then yeah, maybe one more chance. But until you show him you’re actually going to leave, then he’ll just s h i t on every chance you give. It’s like a child demanding something from its mother, and the mother constantly saying “one more time, and I’m going to take it away” and then she never takes it away.
2 Likes
Make him prove himself. It is ridiculous and discusting that people are making you feel bad for doing what is best for your children. Those people should be cut out from your life. You are doing the right thing. Break the cycle before one of your daughter’s ends up with an abusive drunk for a husband, or one of your son’s becomes the abusive drunk. You’ve got this.
1 Like
I say divorce if he was going to change it should of when u was pregnant with his first baby.
Sometimes after trying and trying you have to make a hard decision on what is best for you & your children. If this has failed after multiple tries maybe it’s time to close this chapter in your life and move on. If he try wants his family he will do what he has to, good luck.
You know his pattern.
Only you can decide if enough is enough. Please go to AlAnon. They can help you l8ve a happy life with or without him.
If he goes for help, and continues to go, stay, otherwise get out now
They hardly ever change
Follow thru on the divorce…
2 Likes
Your children are your first priority and you have to stay strong to insure there safety. He’s a grown man who should be putting you and your children first , not alcohol. Good luck in whatever you decide to do. You deserve better.
1 Like
Stick too your guns! Leave,run trust me it will not get better!
1 Like
I left my alcoholic husband. He was so drunk one night he got in a rage and tried to kill my daughter. Put your kids first, you second, and him last. Leave him, don’t wait for a judge to push him out.
2 Likes
You have options…1)continue with the divorce and leave, 2)stay and see what happens, 3) if you still love him and want it to work, separate for the time being. Being it has been an ongoing thing he is going to have to prove he is serious and this will take time, not just 3 months. He needs to get into an alcoholics program, maybe some counseling and be serious about recovery and wanting to be there for you and your kiddos. Good luck and God bless.
1 Like
Your making the right decision by leaving. You know his pattern and its the same. Him telling you again he will change will just be another repeat for you and your children to be exposed to his toxic ways for what to give him another chance? As hard as it can be you nor your children deserve that
It’s a pattern and you know it well enough to notice it right away. Just wait till the court hearing. If the home is shared and you leave he can claim abandonment on it and keep the house and you get nothing.
1 Like
You have children, too much harm is being done to them and you. Leave. Start a new life. Decide on happiness and safety
STAND YOUR GROUND. This is abuse.
NO. DO NOT.
Go about your life the way you were. Build for your kids and yourself. Let him focus on himself and work on getting sober and staying sober. Don’t trap yourself in it. You already took a huge step, one of the hardest, don’t drag yourself back down.
You are physically and emotionally done don’t let anyone change that! I hope the best for you and your kids.
1 Like
Don’t take him back. You have tried. You and your children deserve better.
1 Like
You can still make the family work but as co-parents and not spouses.
You should do what’s right for you and the rest will fall into place.
Sending you strength! 
Only you will know when to leave…you may lose friends along the way if you keep taking them back and they will get tired of you crying wolf…but you will know when you can’t do it anymore. You only have a responsibility to yourself in this world and once you have kids them as well. Noone else.good luck. I was there and took mine back so many times it came to the point I had friends and family harshly but truthfully say if you keep taking him back whatever happens you chose it quit crying about it. They were right. Left when my son was 3 1/2…a now my ex is dead after an entire life of addiction. Thank God I left.
You already know the answer ,
But in all things pray.
1 Like
My ex overcame alcoholism and drug addiction, only to develop a “sex addiction” years later. Sex addicts will do the most inhuman things. Our divorce will be final soon. Just be aware of what having an addictive personality means.
Stay strong… don’t back down.
Honey, those people are telling you to settle. Don’t do that!!
1 Like
Divorce get a better life for you and your children
1 Like
Definitely DON’T take him back. I can tell you from experience that it’s not worth it.
3 Likes
Do what is best for you…Leave for you and your children…
1 Like
Oh I would leave. Life is short, my children are watching me to learn what love looks like and how to have a healthy relationship and this is not it. I’m sorry he is struggling, addiction is brutal but this is on him to handle and being with him while he’s using is enabling it. I’d get myself into a program for loved ones of addicts as well, you’ll need it.
3 Likes
Make him leave ! Shit aint gona change!
Sometimes men just need that wake up call to change if you want to try just tread lightly (meaning don’t go back to your regular routine) and keep the papers handy get him in AA shortly thereafter you’ll see if he’s serious plus get counseling having open communication about his toxic traits with the verbal and emotional abuse with a unbiased party could help a lot too
1 Like
You need to get yourself to Al Anon meetings and get your head together as well. It is about living one day at a time. It will help you with your emotional well being in dealing with the situation. Your kids are young but, they will pick up on your hostility regarding their father.
1 Like
I’ve been in a similar situation - I did give him the opportunity to get sober but the requirement to stay sober is in place for our relationship to work. It was made very clear that if he starts back drinking (from now until forever) that we would no longer be together. It was and is his choice to maintain sobriety but it is also my choice to leave if he breaks his promise to me and our children. If he wants to get sober and you want to allow him one final chance I would CLEARLY state your terms and make sure he understands that if he goes back to drinking you will move forward with the divorce.
2 Likes
Do you really want your kids to think that type of relationship is okay…okay to be treated like crap…would you want your kids in your type of relationship
2 Likes
Hell no!! Some states have a 6mo “cooling off” period when children are involved (before you can finalize your divorce). Leave now & see if he stays sober for that period. Doubtful he will, but reevaluate at that point. But go (or have him removed) till then!!
3 Likes
I will just put this out there…leave him but put the divorce on hold. Give him a year…tell him if he can stay sober for a year and be actively working a program you will consider not divorcing him. If he can’t, you will have less “what ifs” when you divorce him
3 Likes
No. Boothim. Out. And. Mean. It
Don’t leave the house útil your lawyer says it’s OK. You could be accused of abandonment and lose a bunch of rights and property. But do not take him back. If he were a honorable man with his b… in the right place, he would be sleeping in the couch and you in the bedroom.
1 Like
I say family is everything! And if he has been loyal to you and he’s not being abusive to you or the kids! I would have to say! Stay together! But he would have go to some alcohol program and stay sober! If you already done all that and he’s still the same! You better lawyer up and leave him the right way! Good luck to you!
I say divorce him if he sobers up and gets his life together good for him
1 Like
Tell him to move out, again. Move back to your bedroom, and install a lock. You should not be on the couch. Pack his clothes, and put them on the porch. Apply for an order of protection, if needed. Stick to your guns! If he is not getting help, ie: AA, he is not going to change.
I would at least separate before you make the decision to divorce. Don’t waste the money on something you think could be fixed. You see the true colors of people during separation and divorce.
“So many people” don’t live with him. You do. Since the court is now involved, maybe you can stipulate that he be sober at least (1 year?), during which you have joint custody, before you consider his return to the household.
kick him to the curb cuz it’s just gonna get worse fill a restraining order on him. then he will have to get out
He isn’t going to change and you are better off …enjoy your life with your children and live happily without him
2 Likes
File a separation agreement and make decisions and go from there.
1 Like
I would stick with the divorce. If he gets sober then It’s a good thing for the children. But I wouldn’t put myself or my children in that situation any longer. If he stays sober he can save his relationship with his children.
1 Like
I’d leave. It doesn’t get better. I left him 6 years ago and I still constantly get mentally/emotionally abused.
Id stick with a legal separation. He needs to prove himself… for a lot longer than 3 months.
1 Like
Go to Alanon and make an informed decision.
I wasted 23 years of my life doing this, my advice is to go. The “maybe this time” is what makes us stay but we aren’t the problem.
Dont do it. He is only doing that only to get back with you. But he will end up doing it again and then he will know that you will not leave him, know that all he has to do is whine a little bit and you will change your mind my first husband was a drunk it started out mentally and emotionally then it went to abuse. Chocking me, hitting me, trying to run me off the road wrapping a seat belt around my neck having me pinned to the seat. so NO dont back out
2 Likes
I was in this situation 26 years ago. I got tired of the abuse(he was a violent drunk) verbally, emotionally and physically. It was hard and super scary. But my kids and I were better off. And he did eventually sober up.
Get rid of him. Think of the damage he’s doing not only to you but to the mental toll on your kids
1 Like
Believe me I learned it the hard way
1 Like
Just get out your kids will thank you . Keep you and your children safe is your first and only prioty:pray:
1 Like
Carry on with your plan and leave. He has had his chances
1 Like