I would stop all communication with him considering all you have stated. He left when you were 3 months pregnant. He has only met your son twice in over a year. Your son is a secret to his current partner. He isn’t on the birth certificate, he doesn’t support the child. He is barely in contact with him. Your child doesn’t know him, and he is making demands to you? He wants you to place a 2 year old on a plane by himself? No. If he truly wants to see his child, he will make the effort in any way needed.
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The line would have already been drawn. And don’t send him either. You have no obligation to send him. It’s also not your job to update his family either. They can call themselves or dad can be dad, have a relationship with his kid and update his family himself.
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Please go to get legal advice from a Lawyer who deals with parental matters. Apply for an order that states you have day to day care. Attach his nasty message as evidence.
While you have his nasty message demanding to see his son, go ahead and apply for child support.
His other children or his family are not your problem.
Parents don’t have rights they have responsibilities.
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I dealt with pretty much this exact same situation when my youngest daughter was little. Her birth father was not a part of her life at all as an infant. He started making demands of me to let him take her for long visitations when she was a toddler. My response was simple: my daughter doesn’t know you at all, if you want to be able to have the type of visitation where she spends the weekends then you will have to put in enough consistent short visits for her to get to know you and be comfortable with you. I refused to give in to his demands! He wasn’t paying his court ordered child support and would go months between calls to scream at me and berate me, never once asking to speak to her. Needless to say she has never met him that she remembers (he only made one 30min visit with her that he actually showed up to). She turned 16 today and is amazing! It was his loss! Do not give in to the father’s attempt to issue demands on a child that does not know him! If he truly wants a relationship with his son then he needs to go about it the correct way by building trust with said child!
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Obviously no one can expect you to put a little boy on a plane to meet a ‘stranger’ right now. I know this is not what you want to hear but from my experience there will come a time when your son is older that he will want to bond with his biological father. When that time comes and even if it is painful and heartbreaking for you, please do not put your child into a position of split loyalty. The child is not part of the fight between the mother and the father and the child will always have an innate longing to be loved and accepted by both mother and father so that they can accept themselves and their own life fully. When your son is older and wants to exercise this birthright to meet his father, the cry from his soul will be: ‘please mamma, although you have always done your best for me and made many sacrifices for me, please allow me to love my father ‘WITHOUT IT COSTING ME YOUR LOVE’.
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The line has already been drawn from moment he didn’t want anything to do with his son. He doesn’t pay child support nor is he on the birth certificate. His son is also a secret to his current baby mama. He doesn’t get too make any rules. Tell him he has his chance and he doesn’t get too come and go as he pleases.
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I’d block him and be done you don’t owe him or his family anything it was up to him them make efforts to be in child’s life if child a secrete then we’ll I think line already been crossed I think if u allow him in his life he will just hurt u Child will have more issue more drama and it not fair to child he doesn’t deserve father who has him as a secrete he deserves much more don’t put the child through this he doesn’t care about child clearly he trying get in ur life Buisneses most likely narcesit
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The line should have already been drawn. But if your son is a secret why is he wanting you to put him on a plane to come see him and his siblings? If he isn’t listed on the birth certificate then he has no rights. I would block him and his family and move on with your life.
I would tell him if he wants to see him then he has to come to you. You have e no obligation to send your child anywhere. It might also be a trap too. You read everyday about kids going to the other parents house and either the parent doesn’t give them back or something bad happens and you are too far away to go to him.
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He is no position to be making demands if he hiding the child from his wife. But, whatever decision you make remember that its your SON that will be affected the most. Good luck dear.
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Ummmm, that would be a No for me. Legally since he isn’t on the birth certificate he has ZERO rights to YOUR son. If he wants visitation, he needs to go to court in your county and set that up along with child support. Cut him off if you’re not interested in him being involved. Its one thing if you want your son and him to have a relationship, but legally you hold all the cards and you alone get to decide whether your comfortable with sending YOUR son out of state to visit a man he barely knows. I was in this situation myself with my daughter. I took her out of state to visit him twice on my terms and she stayed with me. We maintained a cordial telephone relationship over the years and when she was old enough to decide for her self ans comfortable with flying alone (13yrs old) she finally went out there to meet her siblings. Again, I made it about her comfort, not dads or mine. Good luck
I’d file for custody, and child support. With stipulation if he wants visitation he has to pay for the child to fly there and back. He also has to pay for a escort to fly with your child if you can’t go with him… How ever as it seems you owe him nothing he is not on your sons birth certificate therefore he has no legal right to him. You call the shots .
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Oh hell no! He needs to come to you so he can get to know him before he expects you to send him on a plane, nevermind that he denies him!! It should be him telling his family but obviously he can’t if he doesn’t know anything about him. You owe him nothing, if he wants to put the effort in then I’d say maybe but that’s on him not you, and if not let your son decide when he gets older and becomes an adult.
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Something very similar happened to me. I told my son’s father to take me to court if he wanted to pay child support and have visitation. I also told him that if he didn’t we could work out an agreement where I would take a family vacation once a year to his state and he could plan a party where all his family could see our son. However, I was not willing to have an “in and out” father so he would only be known as mommy’s friend until he proved to me he would be there consistently. He agreed. I could call when I needed money without a court order and he would plan the annual party when I could get off to visit. We did this for 6 years. When my son was 8, he asked if my friend was his father. I was honest and he called his dad that day. Since then my son and his dad have had a good relationship, it would’ve been a great relationship but his dad’s wife doesn’t like me or children in general and has treated my son as such. Since my son figured everything out, he went to stay with his dad December 26-January 1 and a week in the summer until he was 14 and we moved back to the same state. My son is now 23, well adjusted, and has a relationship with his dad.
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Done. If he wants to pay child support and step up with regular, consistant and honest parenting maybe then think about it. Be a mama bear - your child only has you to protect him!
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Change your number , poof, it’s over!! The guy you fall in love with will adopt him, and love both of you like you deserve!! 
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It is up to him to make the effort to be involved in your child’s life. As long as you are allowing him the opportunity to see/communicate with your child you don’t have to do anymore. It sounds like you already go above and beyond and just want your son to be able to know his dad! 
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Saying he has no rights if not on birth certificate is not accurate. Surely this varies from state to state. My child’s father is not on the birth certificate, but he has rights. I’d recommend contacting an attorney in your state for legal rights and custody questions. I also wouldn’t recommend just blocking his number like people are suggesting. Handle this through an attorney.
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He doesn’t have the rights to see him. Please don’t send your child to another state to see his dad. If didn’t help you take care of your child, the dad can’t see him.
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If he wants rights, then he will have to petition the court, pay for a DNA test and then set up a child support plan. Then and only then would you need to do anything for him!
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I would tell him you would be happy to discuss this in visitation and child support courts
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You owe him absolutely nothing… but just out of curiosity, If your son is a secret to the new baby mama then how would he explain picking up a toddler from the airport?
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My daughter has not seen her dad since she was 5 months no contact except dirty messages to me. I said enough is enough and my fiance has been there since then. Dont take the abuse. If he wants to see him make him pay the court cost to do so
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He’s dead. Not a damn thing he can do unless he wants to pay for a paternity test, then child support and tell baby mama. I don’t see that happening .
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He doesn’t have a leg to stand on as he is not on the birth certificate. Cut all ties
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Change you number and move on to someone that deserves you and your son ! A good man is somewhere wAiting for you!
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Cut all contact. Line drawn. You cant force someone to grow up, nor be a father. He is doing his parental duties. Your son doesnt know him. I personally would tell him “bye”
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Draw it now and move on. In the long run your son will be hurt by him!! I’ve been there. Turn all your attention to your son and his welfare and block him!!
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Yeah, no. He effectively abandoned your son, and unless you granted him partial custody in a court order, you owe him nothing. The family has to reach out to you, it isn’t your job to make them be responsible. I would go to court and set up parenting time so he can’t make those demands.
If he’s not on the birth certificate, make him have a DNA test done, that HE pays for, and get an attorney. He needs to pay child support, including back child support, health insurance, the whole 9 yards. HE needs to come to YOUR house to let your baby get to know him. You cannot make your child go away with a complete stranger. When they set up child support, make sure that it’s garnished from his pay.
What is his circumstance? Was he on drugs and went through healing and treatment? If not, then no. There’s too much child exploitation going on in situations like this. To be honest, it doesn’t well.
There are 2 sides to every story, and this side shows a little bitterness. The line should never been drawn. Any mother who would deny a child the right to know his father is the lowest of the low. I fail to understand why mothers think they are the only ones with rights when it comes to kids. People grow and change, and we as women shouldn’t remain bitter over things in the past, and teach our children that forgiveness is a good thing. His family are your child’s family, whether you like it or not, and you, as a loving mother,should foster a relationship with them as well. A child can NEVER have too manybpeople that love him or her… Its time to grow up, let go of the past, and move forward in a manner that will benefit your child long term.
Block him and cut all ties! He doesn’t have a right to your son and because he’s not on the birth certificate you can’t even get child support from him so at this point you can just let your son make his own choice when he gets old enough to understand until then it’s your decision.
Hell no don’t send him to see him! He don’t even pay child support to take care of him, if he cared about your child he wouldn’t be a secret! Kick him to the curb, he don’t deserve to be in your son’s life!!
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Don’t answer the phone. Cut off all contact. He can go through lawyers if its that important all of a sudden.
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Plain and simple, if he isnt on the birth certificate then him nor his family has any rights to him or to even see him. Your son’s sperm donor made his decision when he left you and left you with his child.
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Everything you said is where the line is drawn, unless you have court order visitation. But I wouldn’t put my kid on a plane to have the visitation there, he should do the visitation by you because you probably wouldn’t get him back or something might happen to him on the way there. You should take him to court and get full custody if he is refusing to pay support and only sees him on his time.
Nope, no rights there at all. Not on the birth certificate, doesn’t pay support and makes no effort to see his child and expects you do keep his family updated like it’s your duty? This isn’t even a question! And I really hope you wouldn’t think to put your child on a plane to see a bunch of strangers and stress out that poor baby. He’s better off without a father who only wants to be a less than part time dad. Think about what your son would get out of this.
I say if he suddenly wants the perks of being a Dad & expects you to do all of this, you first take him to court for child support. It will be interesting to see if he still makes these demands & sticks around. What a narcissist, I’m sorry you are dealing with this.
The burden of proof of parenthood belongs to him. He is not listed on your child’s birth certificate so technically he doesn’t exist! You don’t have to do anything. Close the door and say bye-bye
Legally you can draw that line when and wherever you want. No, I would not put my 2yr old child on a plane. The Dad can put himself on a plane to come and see your son IF you want him to see him. Without a paternity test, he has no legal rights. Oh, I’d be getting that child support, your son deserves it.
Consult a lawyer on your and your child’s rights as well as the father’s rights. Remind your ex that if he wants to get a paternaty test and make it legal then you can and will petition for support of your child. See what your options are before you make and decisions. Do what is best for your child, not your ex. Good luck.
Do not put that baby on a plan! Do not let him demand anything!
He can make the fight to you and his family can call and check up! Not you!
He has not been a constant in that baby’s life and you haven’t asked anything of him.
I was i court once and a couple went up with the same situation he made lame excuses for why he hasn’t seen his daughter and she’s 10. The judge said he needed to do therapy before even being allowed to have a visit from him or go anywhere with him. She said you are a stanger to her you can not expect anything from them 
but therpy is where it would start. Just saying
I would have been done with him the second he walked away from you and your son.
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I have 3 - now 18,16 and 15. I ALWAYS messaged him updates graduations, picture day, if they were sick , first time on a 2 wheeler , even had my kids make him cards for holidays and his birthday- I walked them in the post office and had the kids hand them to the teller so he couldn’t say I never sent them —- I did this FOR YEARS! Sometimes he would reply sometimes not. NOW! Point of this message- he reached out to my 18 yr old 3 days after her birthday. Told her I never told him anything, never sent him anything. I pulled my phone history which I cleverly printed every month and handed her every message sent and replied !!! IN HIS FACE!!! You show your kids NOTHING but the right thing to do! That will be HIS downfall not yours! Always show your kids the right thing to do.
I know it depends on your place of residents but unwed mothers have sole custody of said child until court says other wize and with that being said if his name is not no birth certificate you/him would have to go to court any way to do a DNA test
Whatever…If he is serious…he would take legal steps to do so…starting with the dna to confirm…set up visitation…supervised …and child support…he isn’t that serious…and the mother should lift a finger to do anything else…change your phone number and keep moving…if he is serious…he will take the proper steps
Oh honey the line has already been drawn. Block his # and any #’s his family calls from Block him and his family on social media. if the behavior continues take the whole lot of em to court
Please DO NOT block him from all forms of communication. That can hurt you in a future court case. Give him at least one constant form of communication even if it’s just an email. If hes blocked on all forms of communication he could later take you to court claiming he tried to get into his sons life but you prevented him. Parental alienation is not taken lightly even if it’s done with good intentions as the courts haven’t deemed him unfit. As for sending him out of state to people he doesn’t know, absolutely not!! If he wants visitation then he can admit paternity, file for visitation rights (I would suggest supervised therapeutic reunification visits first) and file to pay child support. He’ll have to come to your state to file though as the child resides there. Advise him of what his options are and let him decide how he wants to proceed. Do NOT send your son without some kind of court order.
I’ve been in same situation, I just changed my number and if he contacts me thru facebook or so, I just dont answer, he is not a father to my child, and I’m not gonna let him think he is, or he might get the chance to be around just to be good with himself.
I am so sorry you’re in this position too, but hell no, he doesn’t deserve the ‘dad’ position.
There’s some lawyers that can help you with that and since he’s not even on the certificate, he doesnt get to see him, etc until your kid is old enough to ask for it
I’d tell him no contact being he left you when you needed him. If he wants to see his kid, court needs to happen. And that means that (court) happens in the county the baby was born.
Nope nope nope…you owe him nothing! He’s not on birth certificate and that means he has no rights unless he takes you to court and pays for paternity to be established. Thats the first part.
Then he pays no support at this point and doesn’t see his kid in a consistent manner AND is keeping it a secret from his live in. YOU owe him nothing. And as for his family…in any normal situation he would be responsible to update his family and share his time w them etc.
Then add the fact that whats best for your child rn is consistency and being in a safe environment. Which this dude isn’t providing either. So to me I’d just go about your days taking care of your child and putting that child first. If he actually cares and is gonna be a good dad he will file and go through the process of establishing his paternity, fatherhood and support. If he doesn’t then that’s the kind of dad he plans to be and you can’t count on someone like that so why bother.
And there’s a pandemic…dude obviously cares more about his ego than the kid.
Legally you don’t have to do anything. If he isn’t on the birth certificate then he has no rights to your child. He can get them, if he chooses to. He will have to hire an attorney, get a paternity test, file for parental rights and then he will owe back support since birth. My guess is he isn’t invested enough to do any of that. Draw the line and tell him that. Then cut ties unless you hear from a court of law.
Considering there are no court orders, if you send baby dad has every right to keep him… since he hasn’t seen dad in over a year and no child support has been paid it’s considered abandonment and he would have had his rights forfeited by a judge… let dad know he may came to visit any time.hed like but baby is staying within state lines and you are to be present during the first visits… I would start the process at this point of establishing paternity that way dad can either sign away rights on his own or pay child support to have visits within the babys home state
Line should have been drawn along time ago. If he wants to see him or have contact with him then he should have started at birth, including paying child support. If you send him to visit his father you might have a hard time getting him back, besides, why should you pay for this and not him?
Nope. He needs to go through court to do that, until he goes to court and a judge decides something you are in no obligation to do so. And its on him to update his family not you.
Cut ties. He has no rights. Let him take you to court. But he wont because he would have to pay. Hold support
Legally that’s abandonment by the dad so you have no obligation to him. No contact for over a year. Just because his new baby mama wants to play hours you do not have to comply. And if he’s being this much of a jerk now do not let him near your child.
Same story here my daughter met her father when she was 7 she went all the way to Mexico to meet him he spent maybe 5 minutes with her took 3 pictures and didnt see her again because until her trip his wife who he never told me about didn’t know she existed
I would continue contact with him, offer to call, make plans for him to video chat, play your part. But also file child support, ask for a a DNA test, once its proven it’s his kid he has to pay and then come up with a parental agreement. Keep records of everything. There are many co parenting apps that u can send and receive money and have everything documented that courts will accept in court. If he fails and continues to fail file for sole custody with visitation on your schedule.
When he left it was abandonment, if he’s not on the birth certificate/not legitimized he has no say so or right to him. I wouldn’t put my young child on a plan going anywhere in that kind of environment, or around someone of the nature he doesn’t know him.
He has no right and neither does his family! He walked out on you, his name is not on the birth certificate and he has never paid I Diamond child support or furnished or any of the baby’s needs, and I would not let him near my son! Sounds like his wife if that is what she is and their baby are too good to know about you. I think you and your son are too good for him. Of course it’s your business but if it was me I would say no no no no!
He chose to leave and has provided nothing for your child. If he wants to do anything make him go thru the court system. He will have to legitimize him first then
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Do not send him. When it comes to children, possession really is 9/10 the law. Things could really go south. If he wants to see his son he should come to you
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Absolutely not. I wouldn’t engage in any conversation with him.
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Sounds like a sperm donor, not a dad. He has no rights, if he wants them he can take you to court, own up for being a dirt bag, and then start being a father. Sorry, sore subject for me lol.
You owe him nothing. He made his choice already. If he really wants to be a part of his life then he should take it to court. Bet he doesnt. And DO NOT send him to anyone except whom you know and trust.
He can’t demand jack if he’s not paying child support and visiting his child on the regular. End all contact. If he pays the cost to be the boss that’s one thing. Otherwise that’s just static. Btw put him on papers. If he has to pay two baby mommas he will be to busy working to trying to dictate terms
First off, does he really want his 2 yr old to get on a plane without his parent? He won’t know the person assigned by the airlines to sit with him and he is wayyy to young for that.
I would have been a while ago. Unless he is on the birth certificate and has court order custody papers. Id cut him off. So id cut him off.
No, I’d cut him out of his life. He doesn’t get to decide when he can or cant be in his kids life.
Why would anyone ever want to keep their child a secret.
Him doing that alone shows how important his child is to him.
Go to court and get a parenting plan. Keeps records of everything he says or sends. Let the courts decide. As the child’s father, he still has rights. Don’t follow the silly contact only certain times rule. She’s got to find out at some point. Now would be the best time. And unless the grandparents are abusive or something, you should update them about their grandson. It is better for the child to have them in his life.
Why you hanging on to him, block his number and find someone worthy if the job as father
If you live in different states and he’s doesn’t pay child support AND his name isn’t on the birth certificate, block his number and if you can, move. He doesn’t need to know anything about you or YOUR son. He made that decision long ago.
Sounds like he has no rights until he tells his family and requests a DNA test. Shut him out until he steps up.
Is this really even a question? That child DOES NOT belong to him. He has ABSOLUTELY no right to demand anything of you in regards to the child.
Thats dangerous…mentally…hes gonna wear you out. Just cut ties and get things done legally…on paper…and work from there.
You have drawn that line many years ago when he walked out on you and his son. Talk to a lawyer and see what can be done. The lawyer will tell you what can be done and will help you out with and when he tries to contact you again.
I would say until he starts acting like a father and paying child support he needs to back off and stop telling you what to do. Have him take you to court and they will say the same thing. He isnt even on the birth certificate. Hate to say this but it is easier for him not to know him instead of him being in and out of his life. I was that child. Ive been in his shoes.
No child support or contact, while forcing you to hide a child and work around his schedule is the line. Just cut him out. If your son asks about meeting him in the future when he’s older, deal with it then
It’s all in or nothing. Maybe baby momma needs to know what kind of a father he is to his child with you
He doesn’t want the child, he wants control. Taking the child gives him control over you, his idea of pay back/vengeance. As others have stated contact legal counsel on how to legally handle this.
Keep the messages he sends you as evidence.
There’s no proof (yet, without a blood test, in which he would have to file for in court) that he’s the father, so until you legally find your solution do not give him the child. With this type of anger and controlling mind set, he may just keep the child from you.
Do what you can to keep you and your child safe.
If you procrastinate it can and will get worse.
Document EVERYTHING that deals with him. Every phone call, write date, time, and what was said. Your lawyer WILL tell you this, so get started early.
If you feel he is a threat to you or your child’s life you can get a restraining order, but I can’t stress this enough, make sure you truly feel that way. Restraining orders are for protection not to get rid of a nuisance.
A i wouldn’t send any child on a plane by themselves especially in this day an age of six traffickers abducting children. Second he iant o. The birth certificate so you don’t have to acknowledge him. I wouldn’t admit he is the father. Third let him do all the leg work to file. Cut ties and change your number. Your child is young enough to do just fine…
Nope! Been thru this. Depending on the state. I had to file an emergency parenting plan like the judge said with this legal documentation if he tried to pull anything not only would it be kidnapping, violation of a court documentation he also could face fed charges going across different state line. My baby dad did the same damn thing. Except he pd child support until recently only met my daughter 1 time in 6 1/2 yrs.
Screw him I would completely ignore him and he comes around call the cops. Tell him flat out you wanna see him lets go to court and sort this out. Do not send him, you have no idea how he would be treated
Hell 
to:clap:t2:the:clap:t2:naw!
There is no way on God’s green earth I would send my two year old anywhere with some deadbeat sperm donor that has met his son two times. Much less if he keeps him a SECRET?! There’s absolutely zero chance. If he wants to see his son he can get his sorry ass on a plane to visit on your time and in a supervised environment.
I don’t care who it is, no one is taking my son out of my sight if he doesn’t know you and especially if I don’t find you reliable.
He could take your son across state lines and disappear. Don’t worry about his feelings, your son is priority number one.
Update him only when necessary. If he wants to see his kid, he can hop on a plane to see him. Do not engage with him when he is being unreasonable. Just make sure you document everything.
I wouldn’t let him see Your son. He wasn’t there for the pregnancy or birth, and hasn’t been in your sons life enough to call him a real dad. If the in-laws have been in your sons life, and want to continue being a part of his life, then They can call you and make visiting plans. The fact that the “new” wife doesn’t know about your son says a lot about your ex. He’s a deadbeat dad that would be a bad influence to your son. I would call a lawyer and find out EXACTLY what the deadbeats rights to your son are. Most lawyers will give you a 15 min or so free consultation. If not then call legal-aid. But I definitely wouldn’t send your son out of state to see your ex. The man is a stranger to your son. And you don’t really know him anymore.
Dk the legalese over there but in UK if father isnt on birth certificate they have no PR parental rights and have no rights to demand anything u can chase for child support but it may give him rights again dk your legal rights there but like my daughter said tell him to go forth and multiply
Line drawn he had no legal right to the child.
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Cut all ties… if your ex can’t or won’t tell his new gf about your son, then your son isn’t important to him and he sounds like he’s verbally abusive I wouldn’t let my child go if that’s how he’s going to act…
change your number and cut ties your child doesnt need that kinda toxicity
Wow do nothing if he wants to see him he needs to go to court and that means he comes to your state and file something.
My sons father hasn’t seen him since feb 2019 (not on the BC) and Alrhough my situation is far worse he doesn’t pay a dime and only ever saw him before because he would come over and stalk me it finally stopped since then and court will be the only way he can see our son thank god he can’t rn cause of covid cause it needs to be at an access centre which aren’t opened rn
If it wants the baby it pays the money 
those demands can only come from a man taking on a whole lot of other responsibilities. Take it to court…
Block him and cut him out. He obviously doesnt have much interest in getting you know your child.
If he wants rights he can petition the courts. You dont owe him a damn thing.
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Why is this even a question ? He abandoned you, he is not listed on birth certificate, he has not paid child support, is not involved in child’s life. What more proof do you need that he is a LOSER ? It really raises a red flag when all of a sudden he demands you put child on plane to visit him…I see a case of kidnapping if not worse. You better cut him out of your life completely.
Cut him off! Where do people like this get off thinking they have rights he left door closed! But yes a but legally that’s what you have to find out I just don’t understand why some men do this and think they have rights 
I would never ever do this. If he wants to see him he needs to get on a plane and come see your son with u there. Otherwise he can hire a lawyer and get visitation rights. And no judge is going to make u do this.