Strap on your sneaks and run! This is super toxic! I get the whole jealous bit. But these are your children, and their father, who is going to be a part of your life indefinitely because you have children together. Heck in 20 yrs when you have a grand baby does your husband expect your ex to just not be there. Or you to not go? This is control and manipulation. Making you choose.
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You file for divorce first and tell him he wanted it he got it. Because he is controlling and kids always come first.
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He needs to grow the F up seriously. Just because your kids made it to the “adult” level in life doesn’t mean parenting stops there. Tell him don’t let the door hit ya where the good lord split ya I was looking for a man when I found ya. That is it cheating it’s communication which obviously isn’t his strong suit.
If you let him win by not talking to the Ex and going with the fact “ the kids are 17 & 20 and have phones and can do their own communicating etc etc “ if you let him win and you don’t talk to him anymore then you will be the mom who doesn’t go to the wedding cause of this psycho or can’t go meet a new grandchild at the hospital cause of him this is only the beginning and a huge red flag, im curious to know if this has always been an issue or if he has a reason to feel this way ( was a message found/was their too much talking etc ) BUT regardless that’s no reason to just threaten divorce I’m sorry anyone who is just so easy to walk away isn’t worth it !!! Your kids are your kids, they will start to notice you picking him over them and more problems will be caused …
OH and usually the one who’s acting like that and is so quick to say your cheating IS THE ONE CHEATING !! They are so paranoid they are gonna get caught and they reflect it off of them to you because they think the wife is gonna think “ well he’s so concerned about me doing stuff he must love me I’m gonna stop doing everything I’m doing and be his everything” they want you to think he couldn’t possibly be cheating on me if he’s so worried I am. CHEATER. Look into him … I’m sure you’ll find more 
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Girl your husband is beyond immature. Just cause the kids are grown doesn’t mean the parents can’t speak to each other about the kids. Maybe it would be best for you to divorce him cause if he’s that controlling I can’t imagine what’s going to happen once your kids move out
He needs to grow up or grow out. Those are your kids. As long as there is nothing “going” on why does he have to be so jealous?
If he’s their father and is involved at any level other than solely child support, tell him to kick rocks
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You’ll always be in contact with your baby’s dad
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He’s a Douche bad . You have every right to communicate with your ex- to able to have a say in your children’s life. Has to stay healthy not toxic.
He has to respect that.
If not- he must go!
He doesn’t respect you nor anyone around you!
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Wow! He sounds immature, insecure and jealous!
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Duces✌So Long✌when it’s about yalls children shit dont matter as long as that’s the only type of communication between the two of you!
Ask for the papers, sign them and say see ya round….m8!
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Nope. Not the same as cheating. You have children together. If you spoke to an ex that you didn’t have kids with, maaaaaaybe, that that would still depend on other factors. Sounds like hubby is using this as a reason to start a fight. Could be another issue all together.
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Believe it or not, even as adults, you are their father are going to have to communicate.
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Let him threaten you with divorce you don’t need him. Sounds like he is insecure and he has no right to stop you from co parenting. He new you have underage kids and has to except that otherwise he needs to find someone with no children.
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Your husband is been a child, I’d call his bluff about the divorce… that’s just plain controlling and you don’t need that kinda drama if your on good terms with your ex regarding your children that’s a bloody good thing keep putting your kids first and stay in contact if your husband is being serious then he knows where the door is.
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He’s an idiot. Plain and simple. Just because your kids are older, doesn’t mean that the line of communication stops. Co-parenting is for life.
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Your husband is a dumbass. Of course you need to speak to your ex regarding your shared minor child. And you know what after they’re adults and have families you and the ex will be at family functions and it will make things weird for everyone if you’re forbidden from even saying “hello hope you’re well”. He needs to go.
Also he’s already looking to get out that’s why he put an unreachable rule about your coparenting relationship.
He needs to go! That situation will only get worse. Your ex is still your kids dad and you will never not talk to him. This man is toxic
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Sounds jealous let him go if he can’t handle a phone call. He is always going to be around no matter how old the children get.
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You have kids together you need to be able to communicate with the other parent.
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Your husband is being a petty prick. He obviously doesn’t trust you!
Tell him good bye if that’s the case
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Ha leave him! You wasting another life time… when you could be with someone who truly loves and trust you. The healthiest thing for your child is having a relationship with his/her father. My parents have been divorced for 21 years and still make it a point to maintain a friendship for the sake of their children and grandchildren.
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I’m always so blown away when I read “husband” I don’t know why…
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You and your ex will share grandchildren one day and they will have bday parties and you and your ex will be there. If he is bothered now. …can you imagine the future days. Your ex is a forever person in your life and if you get along with him even better. There is a man out there that would respect the peace and would want what was best for you and your children.
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Well fortunately for you, and unfortunately for him, he doesn’t get a say in how you and your ex parent your children. They will ALWAYS be your and your ex’s children. Let him divorce you. What a child he is.
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He is WRONG WRONG WRONG!!!
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How is communication between parents about mutual kids the same as cheating? What a cringe comment. How embarrassing for him. Tell him to grow up. He knew you had kids when he married you. Did he think you’d never talk again? Pretty unrealistic. Don’t let him bully you into some non functional co parenting relationship just to appease his ego. It’ll be one of the big regrets.
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My step kids are 24 and 27. My husband still talks to their mom, as he should. They will always be connected through the kids, that doesn’t change with any age.
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Geez, what an asshat! My ex husband who was pretty horrible (abusive, alcoholic, drug addict, never did anything for our 2 kids etc.) I still had to occasionally speak to him about our children and my 2nd husband has never once said I couldn’t talk to him. Trust me I’d have preferred to not had to speak to him but when kids are involved, it’s necessary. So even when my ex was in the hospital on life support shortly before he passed away, both me and my husband went with our children to see him and we both went to his funeral with the children too. Point is he may be YOUR EX but he’s still the FATHER of YOUR CHILDREN. Any guy that doesn’t understand why you have to remain in contact with him isn’t any kind of a man.
My ex husband’s wife did and still does this to me and even worse she won’t let his adult child even take to her dad or be a part of his grandchildren. Crazy. You or your kids do not need that in their life.
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Um… parenting is for life… which means co parenting is also
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Sounds mature 
I have a kid with my ex. Not once has my husband told me not to talk to him. Even when he calls for advice about his personal life. He sounds very insecure and not trusting. If he can’t handle you coparenting then I’d say tough shit. Either get over it or get gone 
Go ahead and let his a** go. 
You and your ex will be in each other’s lives FOREVER. Your kids are 17 and 20, being a parent is forever until you are gone from this world. There’s college graduations, marriage, grand-babies, etc… He’s being very childish.
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Get rid of him. Let him file for divorce 
he is not a real man no way . You and your kids deserve better.
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A child, no matter the age makes a bond between parents together or not. Communication between exes is not cheating, it is expected regarding children they share. If he can’t understand that, then he needs to grow up.
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That’s mental abuse and manipulation. Girl, run
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You have kids together. As long as your discussion is about your shared children and not romantic then your husband has no right to put in his input. Kids need to see their parents getting along and co parenting. It’s better for them to see that. I was a child of divorce and I loved that my mom and dad never let me see them fight and always were civil in front of me. I myself am a step mother now, we have full custody of my daughter but we still communicate with her mom when we have to and I don’t get upset when my husband has to because I know he is only doing it for the sake of my daughter. Your husband needs to put his insecurities aside and put his kids first or remove himself from the picture if he can’t do what’s best for the kids he signed up to love alongside their mother.
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He’s Childish And Immature! Yall Got Kids Together If Thats The Only Discussion Yall Having It Shouldn’t Be A Problem
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Hes wrong. You have children with that man there for you will have to have to talk to him. Your “husband” needs to grow up
Yup. Run. He’s trying to control you.
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He doesn’t deserve you, those are your children. You had a life before him and if he can’t understand that he doesn’t need to be in your future. Those kids are more family than he is. Period.
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He’s probably cheating
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Your husband sounds immature. If talking to your children’s father about them is grounds for divorce, I’d love to hear his model for good parenting. More power to you, I’m not sure I could be with someone that didn’t have my kids best interests at heart. Wish I had some insight for you.
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That’s beyond immature!! Hell me my husband and his ex hate I meant absolutely despise each other but we still talk and get along for all the kids. Even the ones she had with others and I have with her ex-husband. Her kids stay with us and call me Mimi or mama, and my kids stay with her and call her aunt Ash, no matter how old the kids are, you can still communicate about the kids and ask the next how they are and other things, and considering your youngest is 17 (s)he is not an adult yet and still HAVE to communicate with the other parent about them. If your husband is so jealous of you talking to and gets along with your ex husband then you need to be the one to leave and get someone who’s is understanding that y’all still talk (as co-parents) and get along, and will always talk to the next about the kids y’all have together, or tell your current husband that he either needs to grow up and get over himself or get out.
Let him leave! You will always have coparenting with your ex he is very insecure and controlling.
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Controlling husband. Wtf!!! I’d be ditching him if he can’t handle that you’re still talking to your ex.
You are a package deal and they are still your kids with your ex. That will never change unless he or they die.
Did he think that stopped when they became adults??
He needs to grow up
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You have to co-parent for your child. You should not hide that from your spouse. Maybe you can try family counseling to help navigate some of the issues that you are having. I am dealing with similar stuff right now with my husband and my kids from a previous marriage. It is something you two will have to learn to work through or your marriage will never work. Even when the kids are grown it doesn’t mean you will never have to communicate with their dad. Praying for your situation.
That’s mental abuse and manipulation
Let the trash take himself out
Tell him to put on his big boy pants and stop being jealous/ immature. Once you have a child with someone you should have communication with them for the sake of the kids forever .
My mom and dad were always in my life together even they weren’t together. I’d sleep over and my mom would come over to and sleep by me and my dad would give us our own room and space. He kept the house warm even he liked being chilled a little. Got extra food and snacks. Rented movies. My moms husband was invited over every time but he would want to be at his house and would bring us and pick us up. I missed having them all together. It’s a nice feeling having all your family together even they aren’t together and still being nice.
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No matter what the new partner says. You will always have every right to communicate to your children’s other parent no matter how old they get. I wonder why he is so threatened by you communicating with the ex? Does he not understand yall are exes for a reason? It’s definitely manipulative and a control tactic. Yes your “husband’s” opinion should matter… but it should NEVER matter more than your own. It’s not worth it. Not even a little. Never sacrifice yourself to make anyone else happy. Put yourself and your kids first. And if he doesn’t want to be a positive part of your world, kick him to the curb. Enough with the ultimatums and other emotional abuse to try to control you. You do not need someone like that in your life. It’s literally NEVER worth it.
I feel your hubby is trying to find issues to leave. Hoping I’m completely wrong.
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Your husband is being insecure and petty. Counseling or divorce him. You share children with your ex and will always need to coparent with him no matter how grown your children are.
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Threatening divorce for talking to your children’s father (grown or not)?? He sounds like a real winner
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He knew you had children by a previous marriage when he met you and dated you and married you. Now he wants to act like a moron, tell him to put on his big boy panties and to stop throwing these tantrums. You and your ex husband will always have the two children between you and he needs to stop acting like a child. Has he always been this insecure or is it just now coming out, you need to point out to him that it’s not very attractive in a grown man to throw Tantrums if you won’t do this I’ll do that and it’s also controlling and as a grown woman I wouldn’t like it.
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Sounds like he’s super insecure. I’d say he either has some serious baggage he needs to address or he has a guilty conscience
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That is juvenile and way beyond controlling on your husband’s part. You share kids, no matter what age they are, you need to be able to have a conversation with him.
My children with my ex are 22 and 19 and we still talk all the time. He needs to GTFOI already. You guys will co-parent for life.
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It doesn’t matter what age the children involved are, it’s still co-parenting. My ex and I will communicate about our kids till the day we die.
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Tell him to grow up…
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Your husband is a problem
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You have to communicate for your children. Your hubby is being a dick
Well he sounds controlling
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Could he be trying to find a way out? Blame you for something stupid so he can leave? Sounds like a stretch but I would Snoop around his shit to make sure there’s not more going on.
You have children with your EX, that means he’s in your life, doesn’t matter your children are grown. If he’s been with you for years, and then is all of a sudden a problem to him, sounds sketchy.
Tell him goodbye. My children will always come first.
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Tell him to grow the Fu k up
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Kids come first b4 partners anyday
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He is being a dick.
You do have a reason to talk to your ex because you have children with him.
Personally, I’d let the husband file for divorce, get a lawyer and request alimony and then part ways.
He knew you had kids with someone else when he married you so it should be no surprise that you would communicate with him in regards to your children together. That’s called coparenting.
Being a parent never ends, he needs to understand you both have the right to your kids and need to coparent even after kids are “grown”. Kids will graduate college, get married, have children. Both of you should be able to enjoy that together and communication is absolutely necessary.
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Insecure and immature … not good husband material
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Well my reality is, that since our children became teenagers, we never spoke or did any co-parenting with my ex husband. Now our children are grown and living their own life and we still don’t spoke at all. So 
, your husband is insecure and something is going with him. It’s not your fault. Is him. This sound like a narcissist and manipulative person.
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He’s definitely insecure and in the wrong about it. Your children are your children forever and their parents remain the same people throughout that, so why shouldn’t the parents share concerns of their children amongst each other.
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Sounds like he needs to get his head out of his ass!
Your kids come 1st! He knew you and their dad would have to forever communicate about those kids! Let him walk sounds like he has deeper problems to resolve honestly
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Me personally it would depend on how often and the situations at hand given their ages
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He sounds like a man child
This sounds like a letter for dear Abby
Ur husband sounds like an idiot, the kids were there before he was, and heaven forbid u actually share kids with ur husband and he did follow through with his threat of divorce would he not expect u to communicate for the sake of the kids.
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Bye c u.sometime…muppet
Sounds like narcissistic behavior. You have every right to communicate with your children’s dad regarding your children.
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Ask him where you sign 
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People who share children are going to have to speak to one another! Hopefully adults can get their insecurities under control!!!
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Leave his arse he don’t respect u at all.
Sounds like he is an asshat. Let him divorce you 
Or he can grow the hell up.
Lol he is insecure. Tell him he knows where the door is, to see his way out 
I’m sorry what? Which child did he birth? None. So his opinion about who you speak to about the well-being of your children is invalid. I wish a mofo would tell me I can’t inquire about my child. That would be his last day in my presence.
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You have CHILDREN with the other man! He’s not just a nobody, you’re forever tied to him! Imagine being the immature and insecure that you have to threaten someone over that!
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Just wait until you have Grandchildren…it never stops
Your husband is ridiculous. Of course you have to talk to your ex about the children. He’s a bundle of red flags.
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My mother had a husband like that. Key word here is “had.”
He’s no longer around, I’m well over 40, but still have the privilege of both parents. They have been divorced for 3x the amount of time they were married. Even at my age, if something was going on with me or my kids, they would make sure the other was kept in the know. They have had each other’s contact info since the day the papers were signed, because I was their priority. That was in '89.
Your hubs is entirely too insecure for some reason.
And honey, most of us can appreciate you asking for help in what is clearly a stressful situation for you, but if you don’t pick your kids in this situation, regardless of their age, you need serious professional help.
The only time this question should be asked is if you are in fear for your life if you leave this man.
If you can safely get away, do so immediately. If you cannot, maybe come back here and ask for advice on how to do that. Because right now, you are choosing a man over your kids.
The simple fact that you were conflicted enough to ask tells most of us what we need to know.
You have already chosen him and are looking for verification that this is acceptable behavior.
It’s not.
So no matter which way you choose, and I say this in all seriousness. No trolling or being ugly because I’m hiding behind a keyboard. All truth.
Seek professional help. You will not be able to tackle this on your own.
Nope. Your gonna have to speak to your ex. You have children. No matter how old they are they are your children. The 17 year old has prom, graduation, etc coming up. Clearly there has to be conversations. If your husband doesn’t like it, then don’t let the door hit ya!
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Wtf that’s ridiculous those are your shared children!!! You have to communicate when it comes to them! Hes being manipulative. Hes obviously very insecure and you should ask why doesnt he just trust you
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You married an idiot. That is all.
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So… I have 4 kids to 2 exes, and my Husband knows that these kids are more important than any insecurities that could have arisen if he wasn’t secure in himself or our marriage. He gets along perfectly fine with both bio-fathers cause he knows the only reason to communicate with them is for our kids, it’s about what’s best for the kids, it’s not about the adults… And it will always be that way even when they’re all grown up!
They say it takes a village…
For your husband to ask you to cut communication with half of your child’s whole world: is like asking you to completely ignore what’s important to your kids… Would he ask you to ignore/refuse to communicate with these kids teachers? Or coaches? Or medical professionals? Because this is a similar situation in the way that everyone around these beautiful kids should be happy to rally together and cooperate as a team to focus on these kids best interests.
How selfish of your husband to ask your kids mother to not speak to your kids father… To make this about himself and not about these kids!
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First hiding anything from your s/o is not okay. Second he needs to grow the hell up. You’re allowed to speak to your ex about his children…
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My ex-husband came over for thanksgiving dinner that my husband cooked. Get a new husband!!
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Your husband is being childish. It is no where near cheating.
Sounds like he has a guilty conscience to me!!! I would hand him the papers myself and tell him you don’t work with threats - ESPECIALLY when it comes to your kids!
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