Why hasn't he popped the question?

So im a 33 yo single mom of 2 kids been with a guy for almost 2.5 years now and he still hasn't popped the question. been some shady actions early on in our relationship but nothing came of it he says he loves me and wants to be with me we have the ring and everything. I gave him a dead line as I. sick of wasting time with someone with empty promises and not actually going to do what they say they are... advise please
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I would sit down and see where he’s at with all this. I understand wanting to be with someone who’s serious about getting married, but maybe he wants more time. 2.5 years isn’t very long honestly, I know people who have wanted to date for at least 4 years before getting engaged.

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Why hasn't he popped the question?

If you have to give a dead line that’s a big red flag already.

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I mean… Ive been with my man for almost 7 years and we have kids together and we arent married.

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He know exactly what he’s doing. If he really wanted to be with you he would’ve asked during the first year of being together. I have a lot more to say but it’s only on experience and every relationship is different. Always trust your gut momma!!

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2.5 years isnt that long to be together. He will ask you when he is ready to. If I was him me and you wouldnt be together anymore after you gave me a deadline on how long I have to ask you to marry me.

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Took 7 years for my man, and I was good with that. If you have to give an ultimatium in regards to marriage, he probably isnt for you. To me a healthy relationship is more important than marriage.

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Your wanting to get married but you class yourself as a single mum? Anyway 2.5years is not a long time at all.

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It’s just a legal document. We’ve been engaged 5 years and I still haven’t set the date. We live and love as a family unite and monogamous with one another. Together 24 yrs, since we were teens and have 2 children. Do what your heart wants. To each their own but if he loves you and is good to you that’s what matters.

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Marriage is just :scroll:… If you have to force the issue. He is not the one…

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Ultimatums are never a good idea and marriage isn’t a miracle answer for your problems. If you’re having problems now , they will continue on in marriage…

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Calm down. 2.5 years is nothing . You can’t force it

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Everyone gets engaged at different times… 2.5years I wouldn’t be worrying. if he Asks you after 2.5years great if not I wouldn’t Worry. personally its a BIG Red flag if u had to give a deadline thats like pushing him into marriage

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Marriage isn’t for everyone. Has he actually talked about wanting to?

My husband bought my ring when we’d only be together 9 months. He proposed on out 2 year anniversary… so he had the ring hidden away for 15 months!..on another note I gave my ex a deadline of 2 years, he proposed a week before that and we remained “engaged” for 7 years before we split.

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First off, single mom? And wondering why he hasn’t purposed? Second. 2.5 years is barely time at all. Third, why is it so important that you give him a deadline? If a proposal is more important than waiting till he is ready and 100% sure he will be able to commit to you for the rest of his life, maybe you need to reevaluate your feelings for him.

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Personally I wouldn’t want to marry someone that gave me a deadline to get engaged.

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  1. 2 1/2 years is not long enough.
  2. your not a single mom (as he stepped to the plate)
  3. an ultimatum? No No No
  4. Marriage is just a piece of paper
    Me and my better half have been together for 18 years caring for my oldest 2 children and one of our own. We are not married and it is far from an issue n my household. Sit bk and enjoy the prehoney moon and who knows maybe he’s planning for the perfect moment and hopefully u didn’t ruin it with that ultimatum…Good Luck!
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Personally I think marriage is overrated, signing that piece of paper - that’s all it is. A relationship is what you want, a healthy relationship, buy your own ring and wear it. Seriously, I’m not sounding nasty and I am not bitter. If I knew then what I knew now - I would never have signed papers

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Why are you trying to play house ? lol there is no good advice you can give to this he needs to run, you’re giving me :triangular_flag_on_post:

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2.5 years really isn’t that long, he has brought the ring that’s pretty significant, I didn’t get engaged until 6 years in and 2 kids

It doesn’t take more than six month for a man to find out if you a wife material or not.
Those conversations needs to be talked prior to any relationship. Plus ultimatum don’t work. You want to marry a man by force? I don’t think so!
If you feel some type a way, leave. Simple is that. If a man really wants to marry you, It wouldn’t take that long.
Seems like you in a relationship by yourself.

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Jeepers! You set a deadline! :scream:. I had been with my partner 9 years an had 3 children before he proposed.

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People says is a piece of paper… UNLESS you have your own shit, you don’t depend on him in any kind a way and you are not worry that his family members comes and take over his state, then go ahead. Unfortunately we living in a world of law, even a will can be challenged.
So make sure if you living with someone and not marry, make sure you have not only a will but also a state and be financially secure before death.

2.5 years is not a long time and u have kids no honey not now u only start getting to know someone after 2 yrs so u need more time u can’t rush the man it sounds so forced he should want to marry you and want to be with you not because u said so

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Soooo why did you 2 get married??? Well she set a deadline!!! :scream: What a lovely reason to tell your kids/grandkids :see_no_evil: I’d want some1 to ask me because they wanted too not because they had a deadline I was with my ex for 14 yrs & never got engaged as I don’t want to get married but surely it’s better if he asks you out of love not a time limit?? Good luck whatever happens x

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My husband and I first got together at 13/14. We didn’t get married till we were 30, after being engaged for a couple years. I know him inside out, we pretty much can finish each others sentences at this point. You build an understanding of one another as time passes. 2.5 years is not long enough to know whether or not you choose them for life. It’ll happen in time. If you whole heartedly choose him as your life partner & love him entirely, waiting for him to be ready instead of forcing him into it slapping a ring on it is your best bet. A ring that harbors resentment is bad for business.

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A deadline your lucky he still sticking around

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Ahhh you sound controlling AF

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Gosh I’m been with my fella 11 years and he still it popped the question x

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My partner has only put a ring on it because we have brought a house together and we thought about if anything happened to me we don’t want my mother having any say over me otherwise we probably would never marry we have been together 5 years but known each other for 15

If I was him I’d leave you. I’d be dammed if a man tried to force me in a marriage by threatening me with a deadline. All marriage is is a contract. Has no value on how much someone loves you

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If he wanted to, he would.

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My spouse and I have only been together almost 9 mths and we both decided marriage wasn’t for us, we like the Goldie hawn and hurt Russell way cause I’ve been married before and my spouse hasn’t. I stated and same with him, we want to be together cause we love each other tremendously and I will take my man no matter which way, I have known my spouse and he’s been my best friend for over 10 yrs before we tried to date :slightly_smiling_face: marriage isn’t the end all be all girl. If you love him and he loves you, time shouldn’t matter

I’ve been with my partner 6 years this year and I haven’t had the ring. When they’re ready they will ask. You can’t force someone to want to marry you? 2 and a half years is not even that long. Concentrate on your children if your a single parent. This post literally made me cringe :joy:

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A dead line to get engaged…is that a real thing lol
Control at it it’s best :laughing: :rofl: surprised he hasn’t ran already

My husband proposed after 6 months. I was in no rush - he would have got married immediately. I finally set a date after 12 years together - 3 kids. A ring and marriage isn’t the be all and end all of a relationship.

Is this a joke a been with my partner 12 years and he still hasn’t asked but we love each other that’s all that matters

2.5 years isn’t really that long. Maybe he’s just not ready yet. You don’t want to force him and end up pushing him a way instead.

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Just give him time. For whatever reason he hasn’t. It’s not the end all be all but just don’t rush him because he won’t want to do it because you rushed him which is a lose lose situation. The stuff that happened in the beginning is sometimes normal when you first start seeing someone because maybe he just wasn’t sure yet if he wanted to settle down so fast especially with someone that already has kids. It’s a big thing to take that on. Just be thankful you are together and you are a family. To pop the question is just that. Try not to put so much of your heart and soul into him asking. Just enjoy each other. I feel like if he wasn’t serious about being with you he wouldn’t have been with you for this long especially with 2 kids. So what I’m saying momma is he will just don’t pressure him into it just keep on loving him as you do and those babies

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Me n my bf been together 13 years I’m not waiting for him to “pop the question” lol🙈 we have 3 kids together

I hope he sees this for the huge red flag it is

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You gave him a deadline to get engaged? :see_no_evil: you sound really really fun i have no idea why he hasnt asked you already,im actually so baffled :thinking::thinking:

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If this is what you want stick to it, too many people waste years upon years waiting for a man to stand up. Most men know what they want by that stage. Don’t pressure him but just let him know what you want

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Why should he ???

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I waited 14 years and had 4 sons together before i got a proposal! Had accepted the fact he didnt want to get married then all of a sudden out of the blue he proposed to me! :joy::woman_shrugging::rofl:

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Been with my boyfriend 5 years and I’m not expecting that question to be popped yet

Is it the man you want to spend your life with or is it the one day big party that you want? If you want the man the time frame shouldn’t matter. A lot of people (not all) who get married early end up divorcing early or just being unhappy for a long time. And a lot of people (not all) who wait and build the foundation of their relationship with love and respect (not ultimatums) tend to be happier together and last a lot longer if not forever. 2.5 years is not a long time to be together it may seem like a long time if you haven’t had longer relationships but in the grand scheme of things it’s really short. Maybe he simply isn’t ready to be married, marriage is a huge commitment and not something people should take for granted. If he’s not ready to get married you should respect that and understand that maybe he will never be ready to get married but if you truly love him it shouldn’t really matter. However, with that being said if not being married is a deal breaker for you then you need to sit down and have a respectful mature conversation without accusations and with an open mind about what it means to BOTH of you not just one side. If you can come to an understanding of what each other wants out of the relationship that you are both in then you can build from there. If you can’t come to an understanding then it’s probably not meant to be. Relationship involve 2 people (most the time :wink:) and both people have to feel respected, loved and understood.

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Why don’t you propose to him I’d your in such a rush?

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Took us 7 years. Get to know the person first.

Everyone is focused on the proposal time and nobody has mentioned the “shady actions” part… the second those actions occurred… you should have been out of there. You staying and putting up with it shows him that he can get away with things like that again bc you won’t leave. Its not healthy. Also, definitely don’t push him to propose. It should be a special moment and unexpected.

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He’s not ready for marriage. Kids are enough for him to stick around

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If you have to give an ultimatum he’s not the one.

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Can’t force a man to do something thats gone make him not wanna do it even more

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You’re being toxic and I hope he sees it. If you need a ring to be happy, you aren’t happy. And if he did shady things and you stuck around, and now using it against him. It’s sad

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Ultimatum might not be the best approach but I understand not wanting to waste your time. You just have to decide whether to wait or move on.

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Don’t give him an ultimatum. Give him a chance to propose without pressuring him to.

If you’re bringing up the past and giving yourself a reason to leave then it sounds like in your heart you actually don’t want him to propose. If you think he’s “full of empty promises”and have to post this, it doesn’t sound like you love him. If you think that you should leave then you probably should. The right man will propose when it feels right for him.

Yikes this sounds over before it even starts. Wtf is this? You both sound ridiculous. You sucked everything worth being proposed to right out of the whole situation for him. Might not be your first rodeo but is it his ? He has no kids and no previous marriage? He probably wanted it to be special and you Made it a chore. Did you also pick your own ring ? … this poor guy :woman_facepalming:

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:woman_facepalming: forcing him to marry you is not going to make him stay,what’s the rush? Who you worried about who’s hanging about or he’s hanging around that makes you question if things are really good between you both to rush him the way you are? My bros ex did this and it only pushed him away as he wasn’t ready and all it was to her was another tick on her to do list due to her age ete that’s not love.

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2.5 years ?? Thats it ?? It takes 4 years to truly know someone… Just be patient, It will happen if and when its meant to.

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Don’t force something on someone :woman_shrugging: He will when he’s ready. I’ve been with my man for 10 years and we have 2 kids. He brings it up about how he wants to but I told him I’m in no rush

Deadline… seriously :roll_eyes:
I was a single mom with 2 kids and met my now husband when they were 3 and 1. We’ve been together nearly 13 years, next week we will be married for 4 years and have a 5 year old… he asked me to marry him 10 months before we got married, so almost 5 years ago, so about 8 years after being together… I never gave deadlines and gave him shit over not asking… geez just wait… if he’s the one you want to be with so badly, just be with him…

Why rush it ?? My man and I were together for 10 years before we go engaged. If you love each other why does something materialistic like a ring have to prove it to you ? You can’t rush someone to propose, or else it will be done for the wrong reasons. And you can’t bring up shady things he’s done if you stuck around.

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I have a sour outlook on marriage these days. It’s just a legal document. And it may be cheap to get a easy courthouse wedding but then what if later you find out that shady stuff in the beginning that supposedly didn’t amount to anything really did amount to something? Or something comes up. Unless finciancially it benefits your family, marriage is pointless these days. Live your life.

If someone gave me a deadline that would be my finish line. That sounds toxic as hell.
2.5 is when me and my fiance was in the “settling” stage. Everyone is different but damn you’re in a rush huh.

If you feel that way , leave . If marriage is something you want and he doesn’t . It’s that simple

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Giving ultimatums on marriage of all things is a no-go. If he feels forced to do it, why wouldddd he want to do it? Quit pressuring him. All you’ll get in the end is a divorce and a court ordered custody agreement :upside_down_face:

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I ask mine the same question. But its been 7 years.

If you have to give an ultimatum you have already decided it’s just a matter of countdown, and then what, will you really leave, you can’t cry wolf. Also people do not like ultimatums they feel as though they are being cornered and that can bring out the worst in people. Then there are the empty promises which are very disappointing and frustrating that can make you crazy. Doesn’t sound like a very happy place to be emotionally. I personally wouldn’t hang around, but obviously the decision is yours.

I’ve been with my guy for 14 years and we have 2 kids together. We would always talk about marriage just we wanted to be in the right spot… well I got tired of waiting and I asked him to marry me! He said yes and we are currently planning our wedding.

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You gave him a deadline? So if he doesn’t propose you’re going to leave him? It doesn’t sound like you’re ready for marriage, because you clearly aren’t planning on spending the rest of your life with him.

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He will ask you when he is ready. That’s pretty short 2.5 years. Ultimatums are NOT a good way to start a marriage. Marriage is something BOTH parties want, not what one party wants, and the other is forced into. Why would you want to force someone to stay with you? Love yourself more.

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My advice is never rush a man into marriage. When he is ready he will ask… if you think it’s never gonna happen then leave and find someone that wants the same things in life

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An ultimatum? That’s a fantastic way to start a marriage. Why does he have to pop the question to you? Why does anyone need to pop the question? As adults, make a decision to get married or not and go from there. There could be a million reasons why he hasn’t asked. You pressuring him is probably number one. In my opinion, you don’t want a husband/marriage. You want a ring/wedding and that is NOT the reason to get married. If you have to force it, it’s not right. If it were right, it would just happen.

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If you really want to be married ask him. My SO and I have been together 10 going on 11 years. He has no romantic bone in his body. I hinted around and it went over his head :joy: finally I just asked him if he wanted to and he was like yeah sure let me know what day to be where. That was 2 years ago. Still unmarried but he did buy me a ring back in March. He just gave it to me like it was nothing. He said I guess it’s an engagement ring. :joy: Literally no romantic bone. Some men are like that. If marriage means that much to you then ask him. Simple. It sounds like you sucked the fun out of it to be honest.

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…well ive been with my man for 6 years n he asked me 5 months ago… Let him ask u dont push it on him he will ask when he is ready…

My husband and I have been together for a total of 8 years. He proposed to me about 2.5-3 years into our relationship and we didn’t didnt get married until last October because we didn’t wanna rush anything and we really never talked about it untill last year cause we been busy with kids and work and stuff

If you gave him a deadline and he hasn’t met the deadline, walk away. Sorry not sorry, he isn’t into you. A person will only treat you how you allow them to treat you. He knows he’s getting the milk without paying for the cow.

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Why on earth would you give someone you love a deadline, sorry hun but that’s straight manipulation on your part… I say dude should run and cut his losses… 🤦

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How are you single if you’re in a relationship with him?

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Have you ever heard of the term if you have to force a fart it’s probably shit? Relationships are the same. When you play house there is no motivation to get married. Some people like the tax benefits and others are content. If you want the paperwork stating you’re together forever with a guy that has shady tendencies and it’s only been 2.5 years maybe you should do some soul searching and ask yourself why you are trying to force it.

Why are you begging a man to marry you? And then, when he doesn’t do it on his own, you give him ultimatums. And now that thats not working, you still don’t get it. If thats what he wanted, he’d have done it already. Men don’t work on a timeline. Why would you want a man who doesn’t CHOOSE you? You’d rather force him into it and wonder where it went wrong later. Honey, if he wants to spend his life with you, he will ask. But it’s NOT going to be on YOUR timeline. I think, if you sat down with him and had an open and honest conversation with him, you’ll understand why he hasn’t. He either isn’t ready, or there is something else that is making drag his heels. You need to figure out what it is and work on it together, or cut your loses and move on without him. Marriage isn’t something you should rush into. And if he’s not asking, I guarantee there is a reason.

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Taking on to be a stepfather is a big responsibility. For a man who takes commitment seriously, it is difficult for him to commit to you and your kid. Because you are a single mom, he understands he is not only marrying you but its a package deal. He must learn to take on the love and responsibility for your kid too. Some men just don’t want that responsibility and that’s ok. You can’t make him be a father if he isn’t ready. Again, think package deal. Not just a single mother. You have to be a little bit more understanding in this relationship as hard as it may be because you have a kid. Instead of giving him an ultimatum, put your kid first. How is he with the kid. Ask him, how he feels about being her stepfather. That means some of her expense will come from his income too. Does he want another kid if he is already helping out with yours? His mind is not very complex but he could simply be scared.

I would never want to be engaged to married to someone that I had to force anyway. Why not lay off the pressure and ultimatums and you may actually get a ring :woman_facepalming:

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Mt husband and I were together 3 years before we got married and 1 child together. He didn’t propose, didn’t get me an engagement ring. He told to me to pick a date and he’d be there. So I did, and he was. He wanted to marry me and I wanted to marry him. Ask your boyfriend straight up what he wants from the relationship and tell him what you want. No ultimatum. And don’t be aggressive about I either. Be honest and compassionate.

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What if tables were turned? What if he gave you a deadline for something lige changing like this? That would ruin it for me and I wouldn’t purpose if I were him.

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If i was that guy I’d leave you lmaoo your dumb

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I’ve never ever understood how someone could try to organise a guy to propose… doesn’t that take like the whole excitement/surprise away.?
Your relationship won’t change just because your “married” its still the same after your one big day, instead you just walk around with an extra piece of jewellery and some legal documents. :woman_shrugging:
Talk about it sure, but definitely wouldn’t put a deadline on it. That feels so wrong. I feel sorry for him. Just appreciate you have each other.

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Why do u want to marry someone that don’t feel right asking u. Maybe he’s not ready. I lived with my hubby 5 yrs before we married. U really gotta know. Maybe he’s not ready. I’m not sure I’d give a time line cause then u dint know if he’s really ready or u pushes him. Why rush if it’s good

If he really wanted you and intended to keep you, he’d have made his move a long time ago. I am not sure just what you are getting out of this relationship. Are you sure you aren’t just a “wife appliance” for a deadbeat?

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If you pressure him he won’t want to do it. I’ve been with my bf for almost 3yrs and we’re not engaged but we have a strong relationship & he’s a great father & step father. The conversation has come up and we agree that it will just happen when the time is right… just give it time!

  1. don’t beg anyone to ever give you the love you deserve. And 2) if you have to give your significant other a deadline, then you already know it’s not going to work out like how you’d like for it to.
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Had it not been a requirement for my husband and I to be married (military), I don’t think we ever would’ve. It’s not important to us but to be able to go with him, we had to do it. Maybe use your words and talk to him? :roll_eyes:

It’s only been 2.5 years. Chillout.

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Jesus… it’s only been 2.5 years you guys don’t even know each other super well… Why are women so eager to get married. Like do you need to prove to yourself, someone will marry you?.. Man some of you got serious issues

If I was a dude and my partner gave me a deadline to propose I’d kick the chick to the curb… You sound horrendous to live with, no wonder why he won’t :rofl:

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I don’t know what to say to this :joy:

Man imagine needing a label to be happy. He needs a new woman.

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Stick with the deadline, don’t be be a fool.

Yall women are so petty over a frikin ring. If he shows he loves you, thats all that fucking matters. Or…thats all that SHOULD matter. To some of y’all, only thing that matters is being able to show off a ring on your hand.