So I’ve been with my SO for 6-7 years now. And last November I found out he picked a coworker up before work one morning and they had sex in his car outside of her house… fast forward 2/3 weeks and my SO’s brother asked me if I heard about some girl being pregnant and saying it’s my SO’s child. So I questioned my SO and he admitted he had slept with her also, but the timing of them sleeping together and her conception dates were off. And it wasn’t his kid. So I asked is there anyone else you’ve had sex with while we have been together and he told me about two more girls… We have 3 kids together and 1/3 of our lives have been spent together. He said he’s changing and he only wants me now, and his actions are proving he’s changing. But my question is will I ever get over it? Will I ever feel the same in my relationship? I know I’m dumb for staying but I love him and care about him so much… I feel dumb for giving him a second chance but he’s proving he’s changing. I’m just wondering if anyone else has gone through something similar and made the relationship/marriage still work?
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Will I ever get over my spouse cheating?
Get out while u can that man doesn’t love u !
Been there, done that. He never changed. Hopefully your situation is different but by the sounds of it, I’d get out of that toxicity. Love or not. If he loved you, the way that you deserve, you wouldn’t be on here asking a question that you already know the answer to! Good luck!
Nah you need to drop that dead weight and move on!
The only one who can answer that is YOU. If you choose to forgive him, then I recommend couples counseling for both of you together, because it’s a healing process for both. Otherwise, split up. Those are pretty much your only two options, and only you can make that decision.
He doesn’t love u at all
Those actions are called love bombing. You’re being manipulated.
My husband cheated on me more than once and we made it work. We did marriage counseling and it helped a lot.
In my personal experience no you will never forget he cheated and the trust is broken and I truly believe you will never trust or respect him again… but who knows you might be different… also to be fair you can live someone else after him and chances are they won’t cheat! There are plenty men or there that just would never! I know it’s hard with children but belove me when I say your children will suffer through this if you allow it
GET out!! Red Flags everywhere
He isn’t gonna change, and let’s be honest he doesn’t love you. Or he wouldn’t be doing this. You either accept that he disrespects you and stay with him. But don’t whine about it. Because YOU STAYING is you ACCEPTING and saying it’s okay. Value yourself more then a relationship.
He’s a serial cheater. He’s been with 4 other woman during your relationship. He’s not going to change.
You should leave him
That’s a lot of ‘choices over you’
WHY are you even remotely considering staying?? and please don’t say for the kids because this will only teach your girls it’s okay to be treated like and your sons to be
So he cheated on me in September we had a 5 month old I stayed. Tried to work through it. In December he started a 5 month affair. So he didn’t change.
U should never accept cheating
It’s a easy no for me
I hope you do get over it I feel your starting to though because you have recognised that his behaviour is pointing to him changing and putting in the effort, you forgave him by getting back with him so as such you can’t bring it back up now. I hope he’s changed for your sake…
He’s not changing. He’s just getting smarter on how he does things. No you won’t ever feel the same. He’s destroyed your trust. He could have given you STDs he’s not being careful. I’d leave. He didn’t cheat just once. He cheated four times that he admits. That’s insane. Run girl. Truly you will be happier when you do. Might take a while for you to feel the happiness but you will sleep soundly knowing that no one is cheating on you.
Second chance? That’s like 4 chances, he cheated on you 4 times. He isn’t going to change, Leave him
Once trust is broken it’s over. If he loved you, respected you, genuinely cared about your feelings he wouldn’t cheat period.
Ummmm… you don’t change overnight and November wasn’t long ago
Don’t stay. If after 6 years you aren’t married and he cheated three times… nahhh. He will do it when bored. It’s not worth the heartache at all. Make plans to be done and go.
Nope. He just ruined yalls relationship. Your trust is forever gone. You shouldn’t have to live with thinking you weren’t enough for a man and whether he’ll do it again. Save yourself from more heartache.
Save your heart
You’ll never get over it, don’t torture yourself. .
Throw him out, like the garbage he is.
It’s good that he told you- marriage counselors say that is an important step. I’m sorry this happened to you, you deserve better!
…. Only you can answer this. Trust can never be regained 100% it can be built back up. If he really is changing give him the benefit of the doubt. You have kids togther , you love him sounds like you have been together along time. Maybe therapy ? Good luck. Love sucks sometimes.
I haven’t and it’s been over 6 years. I try so hard to trust him but it’ll never be the same way.
Uh he’s not changing. 3 girls? He’s showing change because he’s caught. He’s not changing. I’m sorry. And this “not getting over it” is your inner warning system saying he’s not changing.
They never really change, just “change” enough to put a bandaid over what they did. Bandaid always fall off eventually. Once a cheater always a cheater.
If you stay expect nothing else then what he has already shown you! I’m sorry you are going through this, I believe you deserve better.
I guarantee the only thing he’s sorry about is getting caught. He’s a habitual cheater, he’s not gonna change. Once trust is broken it’s almost impossible to gain it back. It’ll always be in the back of your mind. You may forgive but you’ll never forget. Been there done that.
Once a cheater always a cheater
Its up to you! He will or won’t change, that’s on him… I wouldn’t be able to lay next to my man for sleep knowing that, but to each their own, and either be sure about staying or pack up and go
Give it up, he’s a cheat. Get child support and kick him out
Nope! If he got away with it before he will try again
I’d be more worried about contracting herpes or somthing worse:scream: gtfo
They NEVER change, it’s manipulation. He has done it how many times already?! The trust is gone. Move on and show your children life can be better than what it is.
Oh girl…you are a doormat at this point. He doesn’t respect you and his level of commitment to his wants outweigh his commitment to you. I have no idea why man or woman would repeatedly put themselves in this position to be prioritized so low. You get one life girl…and u are wasting it on this person. Tell him to sit down so you can get a view of a real man
he didn’t sleep w/her; they had sex …
Once the dog starts to roam, it’s hard to keep him at home.
Never accept cheating, and you will never get over it, it will always be in the back of your mind, like why wasn’t I good enough, and especially if he out here not using protection, the risk of a STD…not worth it sweetie
Ummm sounds like he didn’t need a second chance. Sounds like he’s on his fourth. He didn’t come clean and confess these things to you. You found out! And… if he truly loved and respected you it wouldn’t have happened over and over. You’ve been with him several years Are you willing to possibly waste several more on a hard gamble??? That’s something you need to ask yourself. He may not be changing for the better but changing to get better at hiding it. I’ve been thru this and come to find out I was cheated on trhoughout the ENTIRE relationship even when I thought we were amazing and at our best. At the end of the day please understand that someone’s treatment of you isn’t a reflection of you, it’s a reflection of them. This isn’t something you did or didn’t do that caused this. This was his choice. You need to make yours and decide if this is something you want to continue to deal with or worry about. Hugs mama
Don’t waste more of your life with him. Cheaters never change. Even if sometimes they’re not cheating that doesn’t change that they have cheated and they will again eventually.
People change no one here know him so we don’t know his actions.
What you allow will continue.
Um usually I’d say, either forgive and never bring it up again or be done. If you really want to stay with a habitual cheater then make him get a vasectomy, just switch to a open relationship and carry on. Honestly, you’re better off just putting him on child support and putting the kids in daycare while you work.
They don’t change. They get better at hiding it.
The question to ask is would he of told you if he didn’t get caught? He’s only sorry because he did. It’s possible to get past it, not over it. It’ll always be in your mind.
Idk how you could. He could have given you an std. You have 3 kids to think about too. Also it was multiple women. Of course he’s changing, he doesn’t want to pay child support. He should have thought about that before cheating. He’s gross, you can do better.
It does get easier. Take it from someone who lucked out enough to love my husband to be better. He really did change. Sometimes they do, though and other times, they don’t. So, move forward with hope but low expectations at first.
Once a cheater always a cheater
He won’t change. His actions have already told you what you need to know. You deserve better sis.
A mistake is once, a decision is anything more. The first time he messed up didn’t show any regret because he did it again. Now the reason he’s changing is because you found out??
You have to ask yourself if you can “forgive and forget” if you can, then continue the relationship and never mention it or think about it again and trust that he means what he says. If not, then it’s time to leave. You can’t do both. If it were me, I’d be done. No one deserves to be cheated on.
The fact that he cheated 3 times, that he’s admitted to, says alot though.
Move on forget about him
Why would you want to?
He’s just going to keep cheating because you’re a pushover
Tbh I just couldn’t do it. That breaks my trust, let alone my heart. Idgaf if we’d been together 50yrs, I’d be gone or he would. I don’t ask for much, but that is 1 thing that’s non negotiable and my husband would agree if I had cheated. So no hun, you’ll never get over it. He ruined it.
He doesn’t deserve you. I’d say sleep with someone else and call it even if he wants you back lol
hes never gonna change, only reason the truth came out is the question you were asked & you sought answers from the source… THEN he comes clean about 2 others? no… this will continue & you won’t get over it, you’ll wonder about every lil thing he says & does…hes only wanting to “change” to keep the peace… thats it… he will end up bringing something home you can’t get rid of… might even be another kid…
Girl I’m sorry to say this but he will 1000% cheat again. He already showed you that YOU and your CHILDREN were not of enough love and value to stay committed to you guys. Once is enough for me, I’ve been in a 10 year relationship myself so I know the level of dependency and love you have for him BUT once you show me your temptation meant more then our love, our kids, our relationship, just once that’s a wrap. I would never look at him or love him the same. You deserve better, your kids deserve better.
In my experience, they never change-- they get caught and bide their time until they have the “right” opportunity to do it again. I know this isn’t what you want to hear. If you stay, you are setting yourself up for more heartache later.
You teach people how to treat you…
not saying he won’t change or hasn’t… BUT will u ever get over it ? Probably NOt… the Question is can u live with not getting over it ? Once that trust is Broken it’s very very hard to ever get back to where you were mentally before, honestly i don’t think u ever do…
Girl what are thinking?!? Get the hell outta there.
I couldn’t do it. I wouldn’t be able to trust. I could say a lot more but this is public. Lol
If he really was sorry he would of told you B4 any1 else told you .also I’d check up on the baby thing bc he might not be honest about the dates so he can avoid dealing with that issue. If he can’t be patient and just wants u to get over it quickly and things just stay the same,that’s a red flag,one that’s telling you he doesn’t care and will continue to cheat as long as he can get away with it. If he isn’t actively trying to change and show u that change and you have to keep reminding him what’s up then that’s another red flag. He has to be completely open and honest so you can heal and most people won’t do that if they really don’t change. Goodluck let us know what happens
I know I could never get past it! The trust would never come back! And I feel, if they can do it once (and 3 times) it WILL happen again!
Kick his ass out!!!
If you decide to stay you need to have couples counselling and air ALL the dirty laundry no holding back. The counselling will help you see if there is any future.
2 or 3 girls. Naw sis you need to run. Sometimes it’s possible to move past one instance of cheating but 3? And what the heck is he talking about “he only wants you now?” I would be asking myself yeah but for how long? No no no no no
Leave him. You deserve someone who 1,000% will choose you and only you. He will cheat again might not be today, tmrw or next week but it will happen again. And you will always question his actions. Do you really love him that much to question whether you are enough for him?
People will be quick to say leave, every single time… only you truly know if his actions prove he’s changing or not. I do suggest therapy. That can help you two work on yourselves as well as working to rebuild the trust/intimacy. If you want to stay and feel confident in your decision, I say stay, especially if you both love each other and want things to work for reasons outside of convenience. Will the trust be the same? Probably not… but you both have to make a conscious effort to get there. Maybe ask for certain things in the relationship/expectations that would help make you feel at ease while he’s proving himself. I know first hand people can change. It’s not ALWAYS once a cheater always a cheater. People cheat for multiple reasons… but he’ll only change if he truly wants to…. Not because you or someone else wants him to, so just keep that in mind. And be easy on yourself, dealing with something like that isn’t easy and healing takes time
Nope. You’ll wait for the other shoe to drop
I say don’t listen to women on the internet for one. I can tell you about my situation. Me and my fiancé have been together officially about 3 years I’m now 7 months pregnant found out he cheated when I was about 3 months pregnant. I left for a while but eventually decided to give him another chance. He is also showing that he’s trying to change. We are attending counseling together. It’s hard to gain that trust back and unfortunately idk if you will ever “get over it” but it’s up to you to put it behind you but he of course needs to help you in trusting him again. I made some demands such as nono lock on his phone…but you just have to decide if you can really move forward from it and not let it constantly cloud the relationship. I still have my moments but my fiancé has done a great job reassuring me. It’s easy to say walk away but you have to decide if the relationship is worth the work. If he does it again though then you’ll know he’s not changing.
Girl don’t stay with cause the kids move on he’s never gonna change
Forget everything but the fact that possible pregnancy was a possibility, doesnt it therefore stand to reason that he had unprotected sex with someone while in the confines of what you thought was monogamy? he returned to your relationship each night and exposed you to possible life changing (or life ending) std’s without your knowledge, get tested and get free of that
Nah. I would left before. Screw him
4 women and he only fessed up because one of the women came forward saying she was pregnant with his baby? Nope! If he loved you, he wouldn’t have cheated. Don’t give him your love when he isn’t giving you his.
If you don’t feel you can you need to leave. Otherwise try therapy to resolve your issues
He cheated I took him back…he cheated again
Cheaters cheat. It wasn’t nothing you did or could even prevent and in my opinion he will continue to cheat because he is a cheater.
They don’t change girl he will do it again and again u deserve much more.
Im in a similar situation, its hard to truly make it work and trust each other after that happens.
Ok, he’s changing, but for how long will he stay “changed” ? It’ll be a matter of time before he goes back to his ways
Leave, he doesn’t give a shit about you and the kids.
Been there done that didn’t work won’t work can’t work. Get out with your chin up
The only way to move forward is counseling. For you, for him, for both together
He tried to change countless times! Within a month or less he was back to his old ways and just got more creative to try to hide what he was doing
Walk away; he’s a ho. You and your kids deserve better.
Please know you deserve better
Nope, it’ll always be in the back of your head. There’s no coming back from that for me. I’ll always question what they’re doing and I won’t spend my life always wondering.
Once, perhaps you could have forgiven. Three that he’s ony told you about, what if there are more? How many more times do you need it to happen before you realise he has no respect for you. I’m sorry if I sound harsh but I lived this situation many years ago. He never changed. He got better at hiding it though. Leave, girl, save your heart and your self esteem. He’ll kill them both.
Nope he won’t change and u will never fully trust again! It will drive you nuts!! (And no my account is not a joint account so before anyone asks, IT IS NOT A JOINT ACCOUNT)
It’s such a shame you have children with this man.Hes a loser get rid of him why would you want to love and care for a liar and a cheat who clearly doesn’t care for you and your children if he did he wouldn’t of done it once let alone 3 times,Love yourself more and find happiness with a person that wants to be with you and makes you happy he will never change stop wasting your life on him.
Yea you said it urself. YOU LOVE HIM VERY MUCH. but his actions SHOWS YOU HE DOSENT LOVE,RESPECT YOU IN THE SAME WAY. ONCE A MISTAKE N SOME WOMEN CAN N DO FORGIVE. BUT 3 WOMEN THATS BY CHOICE.
It won’t last. He will do it again. He is only changing now cause you found out about it. Once things settle down he will be back to his old ways.
Been there. Done that. They never stay “changed”! Once they know you are willing to forgive & give another chance, it’ll happen again! I hope I’m wrong for your sake….but I’ve seen it too many times with other friends.
If they do it once they’ll do it again. Totally unacceptable