I agree that a partner’s children shouldn’t be treated differently as far as respect but watching his kid (I’m assuming unpaid) all summer is a huge ask and I don’t think it’s wrong to say no.
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No.
It may be he thinsk you’d be a better influence so explain to him that your won’t watch the child of the child is going to act like that.
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I mean since he won’t be home spending the time with the child I don’t see why you have to put up with that behavior.
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I find myself wondering, are you seeming this guy just because you want company, or do you want a relationship? If you are looking for a partner and he/ she has kids then they come as a package deal. You better set back and assess it. The child isn’t that old they can learn that when you in charge,your word is law.
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Lol yes cause solving the issue is definitely lead with keeping the separated and not stepping in as a parent to redirect and teach. Would you be okay if he didn’t wanna watch yours? I don’t get why people get with others with kids but when their kids aren’t to your expectations you don’t want anything to do with their child. Makes no sense to me. A blended family doesn’t come easy.
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A relationship does not make you a babysitter
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I wouldn’t want to. 
i wouldn’t want my kids fighting all day because they don’t get along. I also would not want to be in charge of a child that doesn’t listen and is rude. Sorry, what were his plans before you were going to stay home? I would also enjoy some time with just my kids, maybe every couple days they can come over but I wouldn’t want to be his full time sitter.
Do you live together (yes you should put in effort for his child as well) or are you just casually dating (no you have made no commitment to him somebody else watches his child usually they can continue to do so)?
the boyfriend should learn how to disapline his child and not put the responiblity on u ! if u don’t want to babysit is kid than don’t u are not a babysitter of his child - just so he can go to work ,sounds like he wants u to babysit his child so he doesn’t have to pay for daycare. what u should tell him is r only boyfriend /girlfriend i am not your babysitter. even if u live live together or even if u don’t does he realize that even if u live seperate he should pay u at least the minium wage for babysitting his child ?
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I would give the child a chance to follow your rules and if he can’t I would then talk to his dad to send him to daycare or to his mother…
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Parents and their babies are a package deal, if he’s just a boyfriend and his kid is not nice, then I think that maybe it’s time to go your separate ways!!
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Do y’all live together? If not, then I would not keep his child. If you do, then I would discuss boundaries, rules and deal brakers
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Shouldn’t be with someone if you can’t handle their child. They are a package deal. If you don’t sort this out now, your future with them will not be a happy one.
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Just because you are dating someone with a kid, does not mean you have to take care of their hell spawn. Boyfriend/husband makes zero difference.
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Why are you with him if the children don’t get along? Besides yes you should be allowed to say no but then itll probably be a good thing since your relationship will be kaput.
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Yes ur wrong if u want ur bf then u take his kid also no matter if kid doesn’t listen
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I would give him a little bit to adjust to your rules while you’re watching him. Make sure he knows the rules (how old is he?), And that they need to be followed. If he isn’t listening and he’s disrespectful, he’s seeing it or learning it from somewhere.
If he does not adjust to your rules and continues being disrespectful after giving him a bit to adjust to the rules, then I would refuse to watch him.
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While I would potentially try it out for a little bit, and see what sort of progress I could make with the kid, if none happens, don’t feel ashamed to ask if he can consider daycare or another person to watch them as your own kids are a handful enough
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I’d just break up. I can’t stay with partners with unruly children.
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You shouldn’t have to watch the kid, but this relationship obviously won’t work if you don’t like the kid and the kids don’t get along. Parents and kids are a package deal, just like you and your kids. Let the guy find someone who accepts him and his kid
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Nope! Not at all. Just know you will be single after. Which is probably a good thing if you don’t like his kid. For both of you.
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I think everybody on here is being too judgy. Maybe have a conversation with your partner about your concerns with his kids behavior issues and setting boundaries. You guys are forgetting she’s a MAMA FIRST and said that his kid doesn’t get along with hers. It doesn’t have to end the relationship. It doesn’t have to be this or that. Talk it through with your partner 
good luck !
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Maybe you could work with him while watching him. Maybe this is an adjustment for the kids. Gives you guys some bonding time.
Give it time. Just be stirn with his misbehaving. Love them after you have to get on to them. Tell them why so they understand. Get down look them in their eyes don’t stand above them. Love it will concor all.
Everyone on here is saying that a parent and child is a package deal and yes that’s true. But first of all she says boyfriend not husband so this is not a stepchild. Second of all I don’t know if there’s a mother in the picture but she is also responsible for childcare as well as the boyfriend. Asking somebody to take on an extra child, a third child that’s not their own likely for free is a very high ask. Additionally the child doesn’t listen and fights with her children so it’s not just one extra kid it creates a difficult dynamic. Then you have to figure what that means for anything they plan on doing for the summer. Going to the beach or an amusement park or the pool that’s extra child you have to watch. Taking kids out during the summer is a big responsibility and safety concern and if the child doesn’t listen to you, it can make it impossible to go fun places like that therefore impeding her ability to have the Summer she wants with her own children.
If it were me in this scenario I would express my concern that said child does not listen or get along with my kids. But I do wish to develop a better relationship with them. I think all day every day would be an extreme burden on both your time energy and probably relationship. I think offering to watch the child once a week is helpful to the father, your boyfriend and also allows for you to develop a nice relationship with the child. But asking you to be a full-time caregiver is not fair. Even if this child were your niece or nephew or anyone, taking on an extra child that isn’t yours is a lot. The child’s mother needs to figure out half of the child care and the father can utilize you for one of those days and needs to find accommodations for the other ones. If things go smoothly you can always offer extra days. It’s perfectly healthy and reasonable to set boundaries and decide that you can’t be walked all over.
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First and foremost u got involved with someone that has children from another person u get all of it. U let ur significant other know that u will be treating his child like ur own and that includes discipline and consequences like u do with ur own children period. This child needs to be taught respect, discipline and probably structure. There is a reason this child doesn’t listen and is disrespectful. This is taught, period.
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Time to move on… someday that will be a stepchild and this will not work out.
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If you can’t stand his child now I would just break up with him. It isn’t about whether or not you should have to watch his child but if you’re in a relationship being a blended family is a given. The child isn’t a dog that he can just get rid of because you don’t like it, this is a human being that he is trying to be a father to and raise and this human being is still developing life skills just like yours are and yours need to figure out how to get along with said child. Would you be with your boyfriend if he thought the same about your children?
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Yes you’d be in the wrong. If my husband said that about my daughter I’d divorce him. He accepted the ready made family. Sounds like maybe you’re too immature.
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Why are you in a relationship with this guy?
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There is more to this… staying home all summer ith your kids… so does that mean he’s paying the bills? if I was HIM, i’d leave YOU yesterday!!
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Only if you both set the rules and punishments
Remember this could be forever
I’m a step mother. I have always had to help out, but not completely alone. The kids are great, and they don’t have behavior issues. However, idk if I’d make it taking on a full summer. I’m already exhausted. Don’t get me wrong, I’d do it no questions asked. They’re my kids in a sense. However, I wouldn’t do that for a boyfriend who can flake off and just be using me for child care. How long have you been together? That’s something to be considered. Tall order for a new relationship. Child care is expensive. Parenting is rewarding and also so tiring at times. I just don’t understand why anyone would put this on someone as an expectation? That alone seems like a major red flag. His child has behavior issues? What kind of father is he? For my husband, I’d do it. This guy… he sounds inconsiderate already. Nope.
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Yes you are wrong. Sorry I don’t mean that rude at all just if you are not willing to 100% step parent move on now before ppl get hurt.
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So what you’re saying is that there is no hope for this child and that he is beyond help if that’s the way you feel I’m pretty sure he understands cuz in order to be a decent human being you have to be around positive and decent people obviously that is not one of your qualities so just throw him away sounds to me like that’s what his life has been like kids are not born disrespectful someone has to teach him self-respect if I were this guy I would dump you cuz for whatever reason you don’t like my child I sure as hell wouldn’t like you and I sure as hell wouldn’t be sharing a life with you
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Maybe spending time with you can make a difference in this child’s life. Think about it more please! Kids need more people around that will give a benefit of a doubt instead of always pushed away.
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This is a 50/50 situation.
Since he is not your child you are not required to take care of him but since it’s your boyfriend, and I’m sure you want the boyfriend with everything that comes with him(the blessing demon child)…
You can give it a try and if it doesn’t work then let him know
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So you are with a man who has a child. And you don’t like his child.
I think it’s time he runs not walks away from you.
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Step up or step aside if your with someone who has a kid and you don’t get along with the child it’s time to move on.
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People don’t be so quick to judge… I don’t work summers because I work for the school district. So I get to be home with my children as well. However, my boyfriend whom I have been with for almost 9 years has a son who is this same exact way. On multiple occasions I have told him I will not watch his son on my time off. He can be rude and disrespectful and just straight out mean. So no! Enjoy your summer with your kids
This is child and if you want nothing to do with the child you need a different BF. Just like you are a pkg deal with your kids so is he with his kid. Otherwise accept the kid and use these days as teaching moments to teach him correctly which evidently has not been done. A child needs a solid foundation for manners and respect. If your not willing then say goodbye to your BF and his pkg deal. Just because a man has a child does not make it different than a woman with children. Same pkg deal, love me love my child.
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Not the bad guy , however consider yourself relationship with this person and what hardships you may face because of these issues . I would be honest and say you have trouble looking after his child alone as it causes stress to the whole family and that you need help and try to come up with a solution . Maybe the child needs therapy and activities maybe a part time thing might be better , and maybe your partner isn’t spending enough quality time with him ? What is causing him to be this way have you tried everything and hope is lost ? Tell him you’re overwhelmed and adding something more difficult to the situation is a lot of stress on you and see how he can help . That being said you can’t avoid someone’s child just because you don’t like them
Ma’am you are something!!
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you ought to leave the relationship if you can’t even stand his child.
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Sounds like she really doesn’t know the child, get to know the boyfriend and the child better before taking on the commitment!
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Why are you with him? Short term, long term? He’ll always have his son.
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I am in a support group for step moms. Message me if you would like me to send you the invite. Tons of advice and support to help step moms.
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Do you ever plan to marry him ? If you do you better get used to it
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Step up or get the fu** out of his way. They are a baggage deal. People like you make me sick. I hope he will be able to look past you and find a women who will love the both of them
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I suppose if you pay the bills and don’t rely on his money, you can make any choice.
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I’d like to hear more about the “doesn’t get along with my children” bit…
If it’s to the point that his child is a tormentor and dangerous to smaller children then no. I would NOT keep his child. That being said, his kid is always gonna be his kid and that may be a deal breaker if it can’t be remedied.
If it’s smaller things that can be dealt with make sure he knows his child will be disciplined and have the same expectations as your children… might be really good for his child and might create a different relationship between everyone.
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How long have you been dating? Do you live together? Is it serious? How is baby mama? I would understand if it’s a new relationship and you are not comfortable FOR NOW but if you plan on being serious with him this is scary for that child
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I would just be honest and communicate with him. I would tell him if your watching/taking care of him that he will be disciplined, if he acts out. He also needs to learn to get along with your children and if that doesn’t happen then you can no longer watch the child, but at the very least I would give it a try with some very CLEAR ground rules.
I’m sorry that other people want to Bash you rather then giving you helpful advice. Having a blended family is NOT easy but I’m telling you communication is key!
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My partner’s child is a turd with me, he’s disrespectful, he’s nasty sometimes, ignores me like I’m not even speaking 
and much more BUT we have him full time and I see he is one of mine now and if it was my children being like that with me I wouldn’t just get rid of them or refuse to look after them 
it’s hard and I have had my moments where I have thought I don’t know if I can do this anymore but then I think how is this little boy going to learn better if I give up on him aswell … They are just pushing the boundaries and you sticking around through it all will be so much more beneficial for him and yourself in the long run!
I’m half an half. I think there’s circumstances where it’s ok to feel like this.
So for example I won’t watch my kids half brother at all anymore. Either your downstairs / home whilst his here or rearrange. 
both our kids are autistic and very high needs. So for me to watch all 3 kids together is really tough on me and my sound sensitive youngest boy.
His also one of those kids (kids are kids it’s not issue but just alongside the other circumstances not great😂) where if his around a younger child he’ll try to copy them so my 3 year old gets so mad his non verbal and doesn’t like being to close to people so then he just spends the whole time going into repeat meltdowns.
Your not obligated to have his son, but make this clear and be honest. X
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His children should also be part of the relationship otherwise why are you together
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As a step parent. If you don’t love his children as much as your own. End the relationship now.
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No your not in the wrong for not wanting to watch his kids, how you feel is how you feel, however if that’s how you feel about them then in my opinion that relationship will never work out and you should probably realize that and just end things and move on
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I guess I just don’t understand the point of yall being together if you didn’t plan to accept his child as your own. If y’all’s plan is to stay boyfriend and girlfriend for forever and not move on to marriage why even be together? Seems pointless to be together but not want to accept every part of eachother. They are a package deal.
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I was in a situation like this before. My boyfriends child with his ex wife was a total nightmare. I tried everything in my power to keep him included and treat him like my own. Unfortunately it became too much because it was mentally and physically draining both myself and other children.
I whole heartedly understand accepting kids into the relationship but sometimes you have to step back and let the mom and dad handle their own child. Focus on your own.
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This might be just what that child needs. Maybe you showing the child love also will change their behavior
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Id just be frank with him and tell him that she is going to have her hand full with her own kids. And that she just doesnt think she can handle his kid as well.
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No and tell him exactly what you said in this post as the reason…if you feel an explanation is needed because NO is a whole sentence!! THE END!!!
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That’s like very rude of you… as a mother I have a son and my man has a son he loves mine as his own so why wouldn’t I. That child didn’t do anything to you and if he’s being disrespectful you can teach him not how to be.
You should be single you sound selfish
Too much not said here… is your boyfriend covering the bills while you are staying home? How old are the kids? Does this child live with you full time?
If this is a long term relationship (are you thinking of committing your life to this man?) you might want to work with your boyfriend to try to blend your family because raising kids separately together is bound to cause issues for the kids.
My first thought reading this is if your boyfriend is covering the bills while you are staying home, it’s only fair that he not be expected to also pay for daycare. That said, there’s really too much information missing to really be able to offer any advice. The bigger issue really is trying to blend these families because all children deserve to be raised in loving homes where they feel welcomed and wanted. If you feel so strongly about his child, this kid is bound to feel your resentment. If you and your boyfriend can’t figure out a way to blend, I would definitely suggest rethinking the relationship
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How would you feel.if the tables were turned?
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Not enough info is given for me to form a helpful opinion. How serious are you and boyfriend?
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From a bonus mom for 20 years this isn’t the life for tou dear nothing wrong with that but it takes someone special to come in and live another’s child like their own it just isn’t for some people but honestly I couldn’t imagine feeling this way about someone chikd I was in a relationship with so you really need to step back and ask yourself if your ready to be that person in this child’s life if not then please leave this man and let him find someone who can and will live his child as they do him i have lived my bonus babies from day 1 I never saw them any differently I hope you can make a decision soon for this is only hurting the kids involved
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I would tell him kid has to listen to and respect me.
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This is horrible. When you’re with someone Who has children they become yours and vice versa.
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People fail to realize disrespect is categorized by the adult, what about her behavior is triggering you specifically. Every behavior is an unmet need maybe try to sit and reevaluate your behavior and if his child is reacting to what’s being put into the air. Also how old is his child?
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I’d be honest with him about the behavioral stuff and give it a trial run for 2 weeks
Does your boyfriend watch your kids when you need to do something or go somewhere? If yes, then yes you are in the wrong. You can’t expect him to do something for you but you won’t do it for him even if his kid doesn’t listen. Teach the kid how to listen and play with others. If he’s a only child, he wouldn’t be used to being around other kids and sharing all the time. Teach him how to respect other people and you. When your with someone, their child becomes yours. If not the why are you in a relationship with someone who has kids.
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For all of you naysayers, if a child does not want to listen to you and follow your rules in your home then you are not obligated to keep that child. It doesnt mean that you dont accept the child sheesh it just means that you dont want that responsibility if your rules cannot be respected
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One of the biggest sources of strife in a relationship is having to contend with children from a former marriage. If it bothers you, you need to avoid someone with children. Some people can love others’ children; some can’t.
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I would reply that it all depends how his child acts towards yours. If he is nice to them and plays nicely and is respectful, then you have no choice but play along and have his child with you over the summer, whilst he works. However, if that child is the spoilt brat that you describe him and he will make your own children’s life a misery, then it is not fair on them, and you should tell your boy friend to get lost. No way can he ruin your family, yours and your children’s lives, especially for a long period of time, right through the summer holidays.
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I had the same issue but it was my stepson & OUR kids. We ALL had to go to therapy (mom, stepdad, stepmom/me & dad). We had to agree on the same rule & discipline plan. It wasn’t easy but we all did it for my stepson & ourselves as blended families. We found out in his therapy he was having difficulty regarding the divorce because he saw his mom cheat & DX with ADHD. This helped us so much. My oldest (hubs second child) had ADHD too. We were able to intervene at an earlier age. Kids act out anyway when their parents are no longer together. My husband was called a lazy parent. He had to step up & back the other 3 parents up with the rules/discipline. Please don’t give up on this child by excluding/rejecting them. Not all children fit in a perfect box. He will love you so much more later. My stepson knows I have his back, even when his bio parents didn’t.
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If you are in a relationship with this man, it indicates you may want to build a future with him. That future, includes his child. You should imbrace this as a way to help build the character of the child and a way to help bond with and understand them and have them bond with you children… if not, there’s no real point in continuing to build a relationship with the man.
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Depends on how often the child is with the dad
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Yes very wrong of you. If you want a future with him you better accept his child. Maybe it’s time you teach his kid to listen.
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NOT wrong. he needs to install some discipline 1st.
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You’ve got enough on your hands, he needs to come up with something other than free babysitting from you.
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It will be wrong if you stay with that man.
If you’re not ready go love his child then go date someone with no kids
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You need to just break up. If you aren’t accepting his child as your own. You don’t need to be with him.
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Yes, tell him NO!!!
Ok, so I am going to assume, that this man lives with you and helps your children, helps teach them, dress them, feed them, support them. If you cannot do the same please date someone without children!! Instead of dismissing the child, try and teach him or show him!! SMH. As a woman who is literally raising my step son day in and day out. The one he calls mom. I could never imagine telling my husband to send him somewhere else because I cannot do it. When I met him the kids wouldn’t eat anything, couldn’t brush his own teeth, couldn’t get his own clothes, couldn’t tie his shoes. HE WAS 8!! sometimes you are brought into their lives because YOU ARE THE PERSON THEY NEEDED!!
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The amount of people saying that it wouldn’t be wrong of you to treat his child completely different than your own is absurd! If you see a future with this man, then you should love his child like you love your own…. No matter what. If you can’t do that then you need to leave him alone so he can find a woman that will.
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No, you’re not wrong. I don’t know why so many people believe that just because you’re in a relationship with someone that has a child, that child automatically becomes your responsibility. You can accept his son and still not have to watch him. He has parents for that. It’s also inconsiderate as hell for your boyfriend to assume that you’d take on this responsibility without asking you first.
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If he lives with you then yeah that’s kind of a dick move… but if he doesn’t live with you… that’s a different story.
If you want a serious relationship with this man discuss your concerns. If not break up with him now. Being unwilling to watch his kid isn’t going to go over well
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Does he help with yours and treats your children like his own ? Then you should do the same or not be with someone who already has kids
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If the child doesn’t get along with mine than no way. I mean how long has he been the BF? A newish BF? Hell no your kid your problem. Years long BF…maybe watch a couple days here and there to appease.
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Have you spoken to him about their behavior? Does he acknowledge your concerns? If not, the issue should be with him more than the child. They are going to do whatever he let’s them get away with. I’d tell him exactly what your expectations are in order for them to stay home with you over the summer. If they don’t behave accordingly, and he doesn’t back you up, than send the child to camp, daycare, or wherever you were originally going to send them. If the roles were reversed and your BF was staying home with his kid, I’m sure you’d appreciate him giving your kids a chance.
Do you live together? How are your kids with him? Do you see a future with him?
Why are you with him exactly??? Reread what you posted, roles reversed what would you say or do? Seriously 
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If you live together absolutely you should be taking all 4 kids. If you live separately and have been together for more than 2 years absolutely. If you live separately and the relationship is still fresh than no, he should be willing to find a sitter. Just because you’re in a relationship with him doesn’t mean you instantly have to take on a step mother role to his child…same from him to you. You should most certainly be considering if taking on his child is something you honestly want just so you aren’t dragging them on.
Really? That just sounds selfish and you both need to have a talk about how you’re going to discipline them.
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Your personal responsibility is to your children first. If your BF has a child that is not yours, but his. Then the child is his responsibility. If the child does not listen?. That is his responsibility to teach. Not yours, unless you agree to take over that responsibility of raising the child?.
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Well maybe you don’t want to be with him?
Cuz if you got married you realize it would be your kid right wtf
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Ok if you intend on keeping this man then let him know you will treat his child like it was yours so if it needs to be punished for something they say or do treat like you would your own, you will need to be consistent make sure you punish your own children to if they need to be punished.
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