I agree with all the responces. Time to have your husband and you sit her down to tell her No more and why. Then no matter how she reacts to the news tell her you love her as she goes out the door
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She’s taking advantage and won’t stop
I agree! Been there but it was a friend, told her I couldn’t keep them and she found someone else. Trust me, she will find someone else. You matter.
She is taking advantage of you😑 xx
Absolutely not, she is taking advantage of you. Tell her your doctor wants you off your feet more and give her two weeks to find a sitter then you can’t do it anymore.
She has had more than enough time to organise alternate care.
She is taking advantage of you. Tell her she has until the end of the bloody week to find someone, and if she doesn’t, she’ll just have to take time off work to look after her own damn kids. Your husband clearly has your back with this, so make sure you both confront her next time she shows up.
You’re 22 expecting your 4th child?
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Absolutely not. While i can understand the need to find good day care, that is her responsibility not yours. And if she truly appreciated you she would at least try to send over food and pay you. She’s using you and taking advantage of your kindness, and don’t let her play the victim. Worse case scenario, have your husband tell her no because he is concerned about your health and your own children.
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They are her babies and they are her responsibility and it’s very rude to guilt you into putting yourself in jeopardy further, for her to keep her job. You sound like an awesome sister in law… but it’s time you make her see your boundaries and she respects them… it’s not ok for you to feel like this. You have an obligation to your children first - I guess the question you need to ask yourself is… “am I willing to put my own babies security at risk, to help my SIL babies” Harsh reality but one you may want to look at sooner rather than later or there is going to be 5 hungry babies with a worn out caregiver/mum soon.
Much love and respect xx
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Damn! You have every right to say no and you did from the start.
I’m the same exact way though… always trying to help if I can. But that doesn’t mean you get to neglect your own wellbeing for others. It sucks but sounds like she needs to re-evaluate her own situation. This isn’t on you. You are an angel and should be thanked. Good luck with baby!
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Tbh in your shoes I wouldn’t do it anymore. I mean, when the babies born she’ll need to find another babysitter anyway, because at that point it’ll definitely be too much. What I would do is give her a date. So like, 2-4 weeks from now, pick a date and say that’ll be the last day you can sit for her. That’ll give her ample time to find an alternative.
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You have to put yourself and kids first! You’ve helped her and now it’s time she return the favor…sort of… by getting her own sitter. And btw she should be paying more than 50 every 2 weeks for sure. But you’ve been very good to help her but now it’s over! Wish you the best!
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She’s taking total advantage of you and your kindness. The fact that she hasn’t paid you a dime for your time, expects you to feed her children and then the guilt trip about not being available whenever she needs your help? STOP ALL THAT! She’s a adult. It’s about time she handled her OWN responsibilities and find proper, long-term care for her children instead of using and abusing your kindness! Also, it’s your husbands responsibility to tell her. It’s his family that’s causing the rift.
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You are being taken advantage of.
- I can’t believe she isn’t sending food for her children
- $50 every 2 weeks for child care is pennies I would have stopped the first time she didn’t pay.
- How dare she have the nerve to put you in this situation knowing your high risk pregnancy.
Never feel bad for putting you and your unborn child before anyone. You just worry about you and your family it’s what matters most.
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You don’t need to give her any notice. You have been nice enough… She is taking advantage of you. If she cared at all about you, she would be more considerate. I can see that you’re a great person… Please don’t stress about her situation and her problems. Put you and your family first.
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I had a very similar situation. I would tell her that you just can’t keep up anymore. Between the food she isn’t paying for and being pregnant while taking care of so many children. It sounds like she may need help but she is taking advantage of you and that’s not cool. You should be trying to get any rest as you can.
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You are totally allowed and if she guilt trips you then you know she does not have your best interest in mind. My best friend who has been there for me threw thick and thin needed me to babysit really bad. I tried. 2 days in and I could not handle her toddler. I have depression and 5 of my own kids. She found something else out and understands
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Oh wow no l would give her 2 weeks to find someone else because you have to take care of you and your family also !! Sometimes it hurts to do our families favors because it makes us feel bad
when we can’t do it any longer
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Regardless of her financial/work issues, this is beyond unfair to you and your family. She’s taking complete advantage of your kindness. Not even paying you and expecting you to feed extra mouths. Pregnant no less. Not cool. You and/or your husband should give her some notice she needs to find another babysitter. Before you get resentful and it causes a rift.
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You and hubby should have a talk with her together. Maybe bring up the fact that she needs to send food, and set a time frame for her to find a new sitter vs. Leaving her high n dry with childcare. Maybe say I’ll help you out for another month, but you need to find someone else you can trust because this is becoming harder then further along I get. And while I continue to watch the kiddos please make sure you’re sending some food, other supplies for them because it’s been to much to supply food ect…
You wouldn’t want her to be in a spot to lose her job, or leave kids with someone she rushed into trusting (unsafe for kiddos) but you also have to consider you’re health and happiness! So communication and setting boundaries and deadlines are necessary!
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How about your husband put his foot down and talks to his sister and then if she wants to fall out with anyone, she falls out with both of you! She’s being unreasonable and selfish. You’re already under enough pressure, your husband needs to man up and deal with this situation.
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Don’t feel bad for saying no. A friend of mine expected me to help look after her young kids so she could work. But I was also studying and working. So I said no. When I had younger kids and worked they went to child care! Why should they get a free ride!
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You have not left her hanging. She has done that to herself. YOUR family comes first. Put pn your big girl pants and tell her the probles with the current arrangement, including the costs of extra snacks and mean, and your inability to get to the store. Tell her firmly that the arrangement cannot continue, as it was never meant to be a permanent one. Tell her she has until X date to find other child care. And stick to it! Do not allow yourself to be manipulated at the expense of your own family!
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Tell her she has two weeks to find care else where. Period. Your totally being taken advantage of. Don’t feel bad at all. You did her a favor doing it this long!! Good luck 
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I would absolutely tell her that you are no longer able. You have your own things to worry about.
Sounds like she’s had time to find someone else since hers was unable. If she didn’t use that time to find help than thats on her and not you.
You and your family can’t suffer to help hers.
I watched my sisters 3. I loved having them around and really enjoyed the time with them, but it was also out of pocket with nothing covered and it adds up which hadn’t been the plan originally as I was trying to afford to stay home with my twin girls.
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It is perfectly ok for you to say enough is enough. It is not worth putting yourself at higher risk with your pregnancy. I would make my husband have a talk with her. Let him tell her that it’s too much on you. It is not your responsibility. You helped all that you could as you said you would. Time for her to make other arrangements.
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Sounds like she is taking advantage of your kindness. You need to tell her you won’t be able to watch the children anymore even though you’d love too. Its getting to be too much on you and you thought it was either temporary or when she needed someone for a once in awhile babysit. If she gets mad thats on her not you, don’t feel guilty about it.
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tell her that she has to sort out childcare in the next few days otherwise thats on her losing her own job how has it become your responsibility? I don’t understand how people get to this point of entitlement! You have enough on your plate just tell her straight up
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Quite frankly it is very manipulative for her to tell you, you’re putting her in a position to lose her job.
You have to put the safety of yourself and your children first. They may be your nieces and/or nephews, but they’re not your responsibility, they’re hers.
You are family, but that does NOT make you obligated to babysit for her. It just doesn’t. She’s taking advantage of the situation and that is in no way okay.
Put your family first and if she cannot accept or understand that, don’t worry about bad blood. She just needs more time to grow.
And I would ask your husband to have the conversation with you as well.
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You are absolutely in the right to say you can’t watch them. Especially she is not paying you and not providing food and snacks. You have to watch out for your health and the well being of your family first. I would give her a very strict date and when she would need to find childcare by
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She needs to make alternate arrangements and since shes your SIL, your husband needs to be involved in the convo since its his family. She hasnt even been paying you the $50, she will be in for a rude awakening since thats not even a drop in the bucket for paying for daycare for two kids. She should have been grateful and paid you and provided food or extra money for groceries.
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Ask your husband to tell her she needs to go elsewhere for babysitting as it’s causing you and your unborn baby too much stress. Helping family is great but you have to look after yourself and your children first.
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Tell her she has 2 weeks to make other arrangements. And then when those 2 weeks are up, make sure you are not home when she would usually drop the kids off so that she can’t just show up with them and guilt trip you.
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She isn’t concerned about you, you need to look out for you and your baby. Tell her your doctor was concerned with how much you’ve been doing and that they suggested you stop doing it. The kids are her responsibility and as it can be difficult sometimes, but you can’t expect someone to just handle your problems for you because you have to work
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You need to give her 2 weeks to figure something else out. Clearly she is not concerned about you or your situation. She seems to be more concerned about herself. Maybe your husband should tell her enough is enough.
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Sounds like she’s being taken advantage of way too much. She should be paying you and providing her kids snacks.
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As someone who also has a high risk pregnancy, she needs to know this could come between your baby or you LIVING through labor. You need to look out for your body, you are taking on way to much for being high risk.
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Your husband needs to speak up for you and also she should be giving you money to help feed her own kids , it’s not fair that she doesn’t give you anything to help feed them! She’s being really selfish
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Yes. She is taking advantage and your health is
More important than her needs. There must be someone else she can find. For your health you have to say no. And your husband should back you up!!
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I’d give her a time limit of when she needs to have a new sitter by. Tell her the truth that it is becoming stressful and to hard while being pregnant.
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Your health, your children and your unborn child are more important. She may well be upset but her childcare isn’t your problem, she hasn’t even fulfilled the payments she was giving you. Tell her, you will end up sick and need help yourself if you do. Would she help you then, I wouldn’t guess so. Ask your husband if he can tell her if you can’t. Look after yourselves.
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She’s taking advantage. It was supposed to be temporary until her sitter was over her injury. You’ve done more than your fair share. The kids will miss you though
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She doesn’t deserve a two week notice and she hasn’t even gave you any money or bring food for her children just tell her you cannot do it no longer who gives a s*** if she has no one else she should have thought about that
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Sounds like your husband has given you the answer and you need to follow through. I get her needing help but its to the point of taking advantage. She can try to qualify for childcare vouchers but needs to apply for it.
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Ok grow a pair, tell her your no longer physically able to look after HER children along with your own… stand up for yourself woman… it’s time for her to make alternative arrangements for HER children…
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You need to be your best advocate. If you are feeling done maybe give her a week to find something different but you have yourself and little men to think of.
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Personally id ask my partner to sit down with us and all chat about it. I don’t think it’s just on you. But also childcare is so expensive $50 a fortnight is literally a dream as it is without the fact that your feeding them 3 meals a day also. If my children go to aunties or grandparents for the day I always pack them a lunchbox. I think if they’re helping me out the least I can do is makesure they don’t have to worry about feeding my children too. Your going to burn the candle at both ends, look after you, your kids need YOU.
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Husband should tell her (if that’s his sister). She’s taking advantage shamelessly.
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is she you husband’s sister? if so, maybe your husband can help you oit in talking to her. i mean, its so selfish and inconsiderate that she doesnt give anything to you for taking care of her kids. she would pay for sitter,right? so why nit give you that money instead. its already a service of love for you to take care of her kids.
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No mama you would not be the bad guy. You helped her out as long as you could. Now it’s time to take care of your family, and yourself. If watching her kids is too much tell her. It was supposed to be temporary anyways. And if she’s upset about it, then oh well. You do you is what i always tell people.
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Uh-uh tell her you physically and mentally can’t do it anymore. That’s too much stress and very inconsiderate of her to say you were putting her job at risk. What about your unborn child? She obviously doesn’t care and has gotten used to taking advantage of you sounds like. You need to put you and that baby’s health first, period!! Keep telling yourself it’s not your problem if you feel you are leaving her high and dry. Because truly is isn’t, you offered to help not be taken advantage of
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I’d tell her no. If she’s not making much money with two kids she will qualify for childcare assistance and pay less that 100$ a month. Mines $40 per kid a month I make 13 an hour with two kids. She will find a way and either way it’s not on you
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No. Put your foot down. She is taking advantage of your kindness and willingness to help. Let her go and find ANYONE to do what you are doing for that kind of payment.
Have your husband tell her if it is his side of the family… He could say he is concerned about your health. But definitely watch out for you.
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There comes a time where you are helping and then getting worn out financially and physically. Your not helping anyone by outing yourself at risk. You are amazing for helping her so far but it’s time for her to find other arrangements for her two daughters so you only need to worry about you and your family. If she is angry she will come around eventually your not the bad guy at all
Tell her you can’t do it anymore, if she wont take it for what it is, just dont answer the door, I know its hard when children are involved, but hey wheres their Dad, child support pays for child support, you have enough on your plate, nip in the bud, you’ll respect yourself, and she will learn to, and she will you won’t expect nothing less.
You have done your very best to help her out. U are not a bad sis in law. U are setting a boundary for yourself so u dont feel stressed out. U have your hands full already. She is a adult and there will be a way for it to work out. U stated she will lose her job because of the schedule u follow. Maybe that is a clue to have u stop caring for her kids, and for her to get on the search for finding some new help. Maybe she has a friend who stays home with her kids who would be willing to take over. U did the best u could, and now she needs to find other help. She shouldn’t be mad.
As much as you want to help, you need to put you and your kids first. As a mom who needs child care you should have a backup to your backup. And with you being pregnant with kids of your own already, she shouldnt have even made you an option.
I work 10pm-7am and my brother asks me to watch his boys (11&6)
But i have to tell him no sometimes because i sleep during the day and have a 4 yr old son already plus im 5m pregnant. As much as you want to be helpful don’t overwork yourself. Even if they try to guilt you into it… thats their responsibility as parents.
It is not your job to work around HER schedule. You are not a daycare service. You are a family member trying to help another family member. Considering your circumstances, she’s being quite selfish. Tell her no more. Unless she’s going to stop complaining, pay her dues, and send food for her children.
The only way she would get a two week notice is if she paid what she owed, then paid the next week in advance plus whatever she owes you for groceries. You didn’t take her to raise and she needs to stop taking advantage of you. Set some boundries and do not budge.
I’d give her a couple weeks notice to find someone else. It’s one thing if you offered for free but pay was implied. You also can’t pay for food for that many kids. Your children and unborn child along with your own health is a priority.
Seems to me like the injury of the other sorter could be a fib. Surely if she had any intention of getting one she would rather be looking for replacement. So you stay with her kids and feed them when she has money in her pocket that she would have to pay to someone else.
Just tell her you can’t do it anymore and to find someone else. You don’t even have to tell her why really, you don’t need a reason to say “no more”.
She surely made it look like it was temporary and it seems like for her it’s perfect solution
Bless you!! I’m sorry but I think she’s taking full advantage of your kind nature… sounds like take take and no balance what so ever… put yourself and own family first seen as she seems to be doing just that at your expense x
You are not a bad person. Do what is best for you and your family first. Especially if she’s not compensating you for your costs. Family is important but she should have been looking for options all along. Family doesn’t do this to each other.
Your HUSBAND who I assume is her brother needs to put an end to it if you’re uncomfortable.but theres NOTHING wrong with saying no more and putting up boundaries.tell her she needs to find a new sitter.I was a single mom, no fam to watch kido because like most ppl they had lives.so I worked harder to put my kido in daycare, they have assistant programs too.or she could work for a daycare to get lower rates.those are her kids not yours she needs to step up! I say give her a week if possible
This is what I did… I had my dr. Make a note that said the stress wasn’t good for the baby… so babysitting wasn’t an option anymore… everything was fine after because it wasn’t me that ended it but the dr. And his concern for the babies health… and if it is a concern between his family and you then one of them should volunteer to watch the kids… I didn’t say anything to my then husband so he was concerned for our health and backed me up… you are not responsible for watching her children… that is hers and it tells me she wasn’t paying the other sitter and made up an excuse… don’t fall for it again… hugs… congrats on the new baby coming!
If she not paying u or supplying u food I wouldn’t do it. No effence but it’s not cheap feed extra kids. And if ur high risk u really don’t need extra stress. Daycare see not cheap sounds like you are getting taken advantage of.
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Definitely use your condition right now to your advantage give her a week’s notice maybe two if you’re feeling super generous and let her know that you are going to be unable to continue watching her kids what did she expect you to do when you went into labor?? I think it’s time to set that boundary
No. You would not be a bad guy. You have plenty on your own plate and she doesn’t seem grateful nor is she putting effort towards her end of the bargain.
Sometimes you just have to put your foot down. I was in the same situation…
If she gets mad she would be so in the wrong. I was so tired when I was pregnant and you have others too. You need to think about you and baby first. Just say your getting too tired and not feeling the greatest lately and its just too much… maybe give her a week or 2 to find someone else so she’s not left hanging. You said you would help as long as you could and this is it for it she should be undersranding and if she’s not its her problem not yours.
It definitely seems as though she is starting to take advantage…advise her you can no longer do it and she needs to find another sitter ASAP. Whether you watch the kids til she does find another one would be something to think about as there’s the risk that she will probably carry on using you for childcare as long as she can get away with it.
Wow she is taking full on advantage of you , you need to be done for your own well being, she could of at the least gave you money or food to feed them , but there is no way I could handle taking care of that many kids by myself pregnant ,im sorry but it sounds like she dont care about you or she would be worried about you getting to your appointments instead of just thinking about herself, if she isn’t thinking about you then don’t think about her, if you dont want bad blood then tell her you been put on bed rest and can no longer be on your feet all day caring for that many children at once and your sorry , i would never ask anyone with 3 kids to take two of my kids as well thats ridiculous and then not even give them money when that is literally soooo much work taking care of that many kids, way to much stress , you really need to be done …
Definitely need to do what is best for you and your family. Tell your Sister in Law that you need to take a step back for your health and the health of your unborn baby. Give her 2 weeks to find someone though so she doesn’t get put into that hard spot. Best of luck to you and your unborn babe
I would stop if i were you. I had a friend cancel on me the day of when my husband and i wanted to go out for our anniversary. We ended up ordering our food and eating at home.she cancelled more times after that. I ended up calling my dad or my husbands aunt to watch her if needed. I would ask my best friend but i think she would call the minute my kid had a meltdown
If it’s his family, have him tell them it’s no longer an option. I get the struggle for child care, my husband and I live far from the rest of our family, but her children are not your responsibility. Especially when she has started taking advantage by no longer contributing & has the audacity to be annoyed when you can’t due to an OB appointment.
My SIL babysits my infant 3 days a week and has been doing so since I went back to work. She doesn’t want to get paid, as she is retired and has a steady income from her savings/pension/etc. That being said, at ANY point if she just decided she didn’t want to watch my baby anymore I wouldn’t be upset at all. I wouldn’t care about the reason either…because ultimately she’s watching my child as a favor. Don’t feel bad!!
Tell her now you can’t babysit, because it will take her time to find a sitter. She is taking advantage of your kindness, take care.
She is taking advantage of you and you need to stop it. She knows you are pregnant and struggling with you responsibilities as it it is. You will make yourself unwell and put your pregnancy at risk. Your husband should speak to her if it’s his sister.
Honestly , i wouldn’t even give her much of a notice since she has t had the consideration to notify you of no pay and not sending food for her children for ALL day care. Tell her to pay or don’t bring them back.
Not the bad guy, give her 2 weeks and stick by it. You’re not a doormat for anyone, and you have your own family to think about.
For one she is not paying you now and two she no longer is bringing food either! Your not a responsible anymore! Focus on you and your babies! It’s not your fault at all. If she gets angry so be it! She will be forced to do what she should’ve done along time ago!
You are in no way the “bad guy.”Your husband is right. Tell her you can’t do it and don’t let her talk you out of it. She’s the “bad guy” for even asking you to watch her children for no money and no food. She’s using you. Surely, she is very capable of finding someone else to “use.”
Wow. She’s taking advantage of you. Your husband needs to back this change.
Look on the bright side- maybe she will stop over committing herself and be available to help you for a change!
Yeah this is for your husband to handle his sister. Because that ingrate has forgotten that those children are HER responsibility and not yours. She obviously has made no effort and perhaps even any intent to find another babysitter. Help is meant to be temporary and she just considered herself to have made you the official sitter. Drop them kids off and don’t look back, I’m sorry.
You are being taken advantage of. You should be getting paid to watch them. If she can only afford $50 every 2 weeks she probably qualifies for state help? She will find someone else if she really needs to. You need to take care of you and YOUR babies. SHE needs to take care of hers.
Because it’s your husbands sister and to avoid putting you in an awkward position, your husband should be the one to tell her that it’s too much and that your family can’t take on the extra responsibility right now.
No you wouldn’t be a bad guy. Sounds like she is taking advantage of you. If she was actually paying you and helping with the food it would be different. She also isnt respecting your situation if you have dr apts to go to but then she make you feel bad for saying no.
Tell her your sorry but you can’t help her after two weeks. You have every right to set boundaries and if people camt respect them they cam stay away from you. You dont need that toxicity.
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The way I see it, you can either tell her yourself, have your husband tell her, or both of you tell her. But I absolutely believe you shouldnt keep watching her kids, she’s taking advantage of you! Only giving you $50 every 2 weeks for 2 kids? So $25 a week for two kids? I know a lot of people struggle, especially now and we are struggling too to stay a float. But you even said you all are also on a tight budget and she’s not even sending food for the kids anymore. I dont know if your SIL is a single mom or not, or what her situation is. But if she’s really on a low income with two kids, she could apply for government assistance for child care. But it should not be your responsibility when you have 3, soon to be 4 kids of your own.
OMG… she is taking advantage of your kindness & generosity!!! Just be honest with her and if she gets angry, that is her problem. She should absolutely be compensating you for feeding her kids!! WTH!!! Some people are so self-centered. 
Can your husband not tell her if it’s his sister ? Also just give her a week or twos notice so she has time to find something else this will avoid the bad blood although if it was me I would be like nah no more your pregnant not just that high risk and also you have kids of your own ! Why should you be doing it all for no benefit to you and your family ! She is an adult she has her kids so she needs to figure something out just like you’d have to if you was in her position xxx
If you feel that bad about it, research some other options for her when you let her know that you cannot watch her kids anymore. You will be able to present those options at the time of separation. If your husband can see its not beneficial to accommodate her, then there isn’t any issue. Sever the ties, if she doesn’t understand, she is only using you.
Get your husband to talk to her ,
Maybe have a google of some good baby sitters or nannys and show her and talk to her about how you can’t do it anymore because it’s placing you and the baby under to much stress
Put you and your immediate family first
I agree with Coral Lea – you must put you and your family first – surely there is someone else in her side that can help – I would be getting your hubby to insist that she deeks help elsewhere for your health and that of your unborn baby
You are not watching her kids…she is using you as a babysitter. If she was paying the other lady, why couldn’t she pay you. I would have no problem telling her that this would be the last week and that she would need to make other arrangements.
I agree. 2 weeks notice and an apology, but “I have my own kids to take care of”. You are sweet to have tried to help, but sounds like she’s taking advantage. If it’s your husbands sister maybe he can speak up and back you on it to her.
It’s his sister let him deal with her. I’d have him tell her that due to the pregnancy being high risk the added stress is getting to be to much. I’d give her two weeks to find someone else and wash your hands of it.
She would be the bad guy if she doesn’t respect you when you tell her its too much as you’ve already communicated could be a possibility
Not a bad guy at all I’d be damned if she would do that to anybody else trying to help her out so u gotta take care of you 1st and ur pregnancy forget what she thinks or feels you’ve done what you could which is alot more than I could say I would. And if your husband supports you then wte bad blood they have will be their issue and can address as siblings.
Wait she was supposed to give you $50 every 2 weeks and don’t even do that? Most places would charge her $50 a day. Her last sitter probably isn’t injured and quit bc she wasn’t getting paid. This woman is taking advantage of you. Tell her you need paid the money she owes you and she has a week to find a new sitter bc you can’t do it anymore.
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Nope, especially of your husband says you need to do it also. I was being taken advantage of by a family member and I finally told them sorry can’t babysit anymore.