QUESTION:
"I started seeing this guy I met online. We only saw each other at night and I was fine with that. I just enjoyed the time we spent together and I worked all day. We see each other for about 8 months before I found out about him. One day I decided to search his name on FB and found out he had a fiance, and they looked so happy in the pictures together I saw. I felt so hurt by all that I saw. I wondered if anything he told me was true. I was destroyed. I was crying by myself in my car one night after work. I decide to confront him that night.
When I confronted him, he stayed quiet. I told him I didn’t know what to do to tell his GF or not because I didn’t want her to feel the way I felt. He told me “not to.” I said, “but she needs to know”. He begged me not to. After I told him to leave, he wouldn’t stop texting me. I would ask him if he loved her? He said, yes, I do. It crushed me knowing he still loved her. He said he loved me too. I told him he couldn’t love two people at the same time. It wasn’t normal. I ended things. And never told his GF. Should I have told his GF about us? I had a lot of proof! ALOT messages and pics. Even after I stopped seeing him, he would still try talking to me. He would text me saying stuff as I knew me better than I know myself. I would just tell him that I didn’t want to talk to him he eventually stopped. Sometimes I regret not telling her. What should I have done? Ps: Months months after I ended things, my best friend tells me she saw him at a store w/ his fiance, and she was pregnant."
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TOP ANSWERS (AS SELECTED BY MODERATOR):
“If my fiance was having an affair while I was pregnant yes, I would really need to know that information….”
“You should have told her when you found out. Don’t do anything now. I’m sorry but, don’t wreck their family. She will find out all about him on her own.”
“To late move on she will eventually find out on her own. You missed an opportunity to help a queen straighten her crown that you helped knock off……now your jealous… and looking at it totally wrong too! Hes her problem and no longer yours move on find happiness and not in someone else’s home. Hopefully this taught you a lesson! Pray for them as a family and hopefully he has corrected his self!”
“She does need to know. I did the same thing. I walked into his house on the phone with her after i called and talked to her then handed him the phone. I was done.”
“I would just leave, unfriend, block him out of my life and consider the discovery a blessing in disguise. Don’t say anything and just move forward with your life.”
“Just remember- your not wrecking anything. When I’m in a situation where I’m not sure if I should tell the person, I always say, what would I want if I was that person- I’d want the truth. No one deserves that kind of betrayal- I would have told her right away especially if I didn’t know and he was playing both of us. She doesn’t deserve it and neither do you.”
“Put yourself in her place. Would you want someone to tell you? I know that I would want to know. I wonder where the hell she thought he was going when he went and spent time with you?”
“I would definitely tell her. She deserves to know what’s been going on behind her back. As I’m sure you weren’t the first person he stepped out with. And won’t be the last.”
“I would tell her. She deserves to know before she marries him. It’s already going to be complicated enough now that they are having a child. You were smart to cut things off.”
“Deff tell her now. Explain everything typed here. Don’t let her sit in a relationship thinking it’s great when he’s doing this. I’m sure he will do it again. I’d want to know with all the proof.”
“I would tell her because she deserves to know. Hopefully she leaves him after finding out and doesn’t turn it on you. It isn’t your fault always remember that! Because you knew nothing about his life with her, and the good thing is once you found out you called quits! People like him never change.”
“Better still have the proof or she won’t believe anything. To be fair I think you’re upset and want to tell her now that she’s got pregnant. Don’t do this out of petty reasons do it for her not you. Once you tell her he’s not gonna run to you. Not being mean I’m being honest.”
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