Am I in the wrong?

Wow. Can understand people having disability to need a car to get his kid. There are many other transportation and that also includes :walking_man:

Why is HIS irresponsibility HER problem :thinking: HE chose not to pay child support resulting in HIS suspension. So he’s supposed to be rewarded for not only still not paying child support but he’s ignoring illegally driving said child on a suspended license which forces HER to turn a blind eye or or be further inconvenience to doing drops offs. If he truly cared about his visitations HE’D GET HIS ACT TOGETHER. NOT HER CIRCUS NOT HER MONKEY. WOMEN ALWAYS Expected to bend over and just take one for the team BULL. :face_with_symbols_over_mouth:

Driving without a license is illegal but it was taken away for child support arrears not because he’s a bad driver!

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You have a legal right to stop your child from riding in a vehicle that dad is driving, but you cannot stop actual visitation.
Be clear it’s not about visitation it’s about the other parent not having a license to operate a motor vehicle.

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I don’t think he should be refused visitation but also he shouldn’t be driving, he should make other arrangements to collect his child or maybe just pay the child support, everyone jumping on mum here when this father is refusing to contribute financially to his child’s upkeep :roll_eyes::roll_eyes::roll_eyes:

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It’ll be on him when he gets pulled over and gets not only driving without a license but endangering a child as well

So drive your son to him. Don’t take the visitation away because of your issues with dad.

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His father is an adult. He can
A) drive himself and risk getting a fine.
B) find a license driver
C) get a bus or taxi
Just because he never paid his support and lost his license isn’t your fault. Don’t drive your child to him. Your ex needs to BE RESPONSIBLE FOR HIS OWN ACTIONS. He got himself into it, he can get himself out of it.

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People, she said nothing about not letting him see his kids… She also didn’t say anything about transportation to and from and if she doesn’t take him herself… She is saying she doesn’t want him driving their son when he is with him, meaning taking him places with him.

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You fear for his safety? Yet when he has a license you don’t fear for his safety? It’s the same driving in reality. It doesn’t mean your son is more or less safe. It’s the father’s ticket. But if you let him drive with a license with your son then it’s not a matter of fearing for safety it’s a matter of being upset he’s breaking the law. In reality it’s not risking the child’s life. It’s risking the father loosing his license longer getting a ticket and car impounded. I think you are exaggerating.

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Losing a license doesn’t mean he loses the ability to drive.

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If you were okay with him driving your son before, a license doesn’t change your ability to be an efficient driver. If your scared of what happens when he gets pulled over without a license and a child in the car well worst case scenerio they take the car and make them walk. as long as there isnt anything else going on its really not a big a deal.

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Just call the police and ask them to have an officer present. Easy tickets every time he leaves your home and drives without a license. :woman_shrugging:

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You’re not wrong. You’re doing what is best by sticking to your intuition and keeping your child safe.

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Ghai may the Lord save us from bad mothers like you!

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Him having a license revoked doesn’t mean he lost all his experience, knowledge, or skill behind a wheel. You are ridiculous. My husband ex tried to do the same thing. Women are ridiculous. Safety concern😂 more like bitter baby momma syndrome.

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Who has custody of child?? If it’s you, I’d write up a contract saying he will not drive he will find other means of transportation until his license is reinstated. If you find out he’s driving without a license then I would pull the child back until he got his life in order. Because whoever is the custodial parent is the one whom will be the child’s advocate. Safety 1st.

You’re reeeaaallllyyyyy overreacting

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From an adult who’s father drove for years with a revoked license, save your child the humiliation and anxiety! Obviously, we can all agree he hasn’t lost his knowledge or ability of driving just because he lost his license, but in the event that he is pulled over while driving unlicensed, your child is going to suffer the consequences of that. It may not cause physical harm, but I can tell you from years of personal experience it can cause emotional harm. Let me explain, there were MANY instances while I was a kid where my dad drove us to school, ran errands, etc. while unlicensed, and each time my father was pulled over, us kids either had to sit and wait for our step mom to come pick us up or walk the remainder of the way to school/other destinations if a ride was unavailable. Eventually the police would sit and wait by our house knowing the time of day my dad would typically be coming and going, so we quickly became a target. But what’s a father to do? You still need to get your kids to school…so I do understand how that can be challenging for a parent. But to top it off, other kids making their morning commute would see us on the side of the road with blue lights flashing, our dad outside the car with the cops, and afterward it was humiliating to walk into school knowing that everyone saw you and your parent with the cops. To this day (I’m now 30yrs old) I have eagle eyes when it comes to scoping out police vehicles, I’m always on high alert, and always anxious about being pulled over even when I have no reason to be. That anxiety has stuck with me forever. On top of the public humiliation from my classmates. Socializing at school is already hard enough on children, so if you can save your child from that added embarrassment, I’d highly suggest it.

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Y’all do realize you can disagree with someone without being unnecessarily rude, right? Yikes. :woman_facepalming: I feel like I’m reading comments made by high schoolers.

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No ’ not at all n I agree W/ Mrs. Hamlin !

Doesn’t matter if you are being dramatic or not, it’s illegal for pete sake

I’d just send his ass to jail for back child support forget all the other stuff. If the check isn’t in hand then you can’t get the kid. It’s not about the money it’s about the responsibility, if he can’t show up $ wise and do what he needs to why does he get a free pass to be with his kid when you have to take the responsibility 24/7 for all the stuff he isn’t helping you w.

So drive him your damn self! U let him ride before. Why is it dangerous now cuz he has no license? Makes no sense. Doesn’t affect the way he drives. Dont be a petty karen

Get over yourself it’s his kid to

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Am I in the wrong?

Heck no you are not in the wrong at all! He sounds pathetic.

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No you keep that money.

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Why would you give him any of it?

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You better keep that money! Sounds like he is borderline financially abusive, at the very least controlling. My ex used to try and financially cripple me as a power play, take it from me, don’t let it happen to you!

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It’s NOT his refund , it’s YOURS … those aren’t his boys so that money is yours ….

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Why are you even with him?

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The taxes in your name boo. Fuck him :100:

Don’t give him anything, matter of fact I would start saving up for your own place as it sounds like you are doing most of it on your own anyways.

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Um nope . There’s so much I would love to say but someone report me .

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Absolutely not that is your money!

No… and I’d pack my bags and head for the hills if he wasn’t going to help me financially with them… you can do way better all by yourself!!

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Quit having babies with irresponsible idiots. Problem is solved.

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He sounds like ur roommate.

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You better not. Really though, what kind of man is this? You already split bills and his income is more. Now he wants your tax money for your kids when he hasn’t even bought anything? You might need to run away from this mess

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Save your money. You can’t depend on him.

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Clearly he has issues and NOT someone you should raise kids with!!

No. If he wont help support everyone then f*ck him. Sounds like a real pos imo

I would kick him to the curb or leave and file for support for both kids once this one is born. THis guy is off his rocker

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Hell no you’re not wrong, that is for your two children from a previous relationship. Don’t give him any money, you’re already putting your half towards responsibilities, that tax money is for YOUR boys

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You need to speak up for yourself tell him to f off! Tell up to step up and buy baby stuff for unborn baby and start helping with the other baby. Chew him out. He needs put in his place. And don’t give that loser a dime!

Uhhhh honestly I’d leave😂 screw that

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You are absolutely NOT wrong.

Ummmm the convo I would be having wouldn’t be about the refund he isn’t entitled to but about the fact that he needs to man up and contribute more.

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I’d ask him when he is going to start contributing to the girls expenses ? Such as wear and tear on your car or doctor bills.

Ya’ll make good roommates

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You’re Not The Asshole. He is.

Just put into another account, he has no access to. Don’t mention anything. What you don’t know, doesn’t kill you…

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You’re a whole single mother carrying a grown ass kid. You deserve better. Just my two cents.

I guess I’m in the minority here that believes he should have a say in what some of that money goes toward. You are getting child tax credit, earned income credit etc. for your child that you have together. Why should you be the only one getting that 100% when he is the child’s father. Especially when you are together. Now if you weren’t together that is a different story. Sorry guess I’m in the minority here. My fiancé and I share 2 children and he claims both of them. When we get our refund it goes in our savings account and it is both of ours to spend because the kids are both of ours.

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You already know the answer :heart: hugs

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Keep it. He would keep his and not give you anything… I don’t give mine anything but he is greedy and don’t give me crap.
Well I take that back. I did give him 500 and we also spilt bills.

Can’t stand this. Cough up some money or get out.

I would not be giving him anything either.

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Why the hell would you give him any of your money? That’s your children’s money to begin with! He makes $300 a day so he should be fine with his own income.

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So… You are not in a relationship and this is not a family… What you describe is roommates, not a family…

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He should want to lessen the load for the mother of his child, honestly he should be taking on more of the financial responsibilities than you by the sounds of it. I’m all about woman equality but you’re not making as much money as him! Shame on him. I’d prepare to have the ability to get on your own two feet after baby is born.

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I’d tell him yall have a family so he can treat you like a wife or he can treat you like a baby mama and pay you child support as well and then you’ll pay half the bills out of that.

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He is a grown ass man that needs to get his act together. You are not wrong for not giving him anything.

Get a child support plan in writing for your girls. No don’t give him any part of your refund. It’s for your girls.

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if he don’t actually pay for things for his children they why should he get a say in what the childrens money goes on

as for him keeping his money all to himself and only paying half the bills then you need to ask if it’s actually a relationship you have or just share a house ?

Nope I would keep every penny of it, sounds like your going to need it

No. Keep your money.

He should be ASHAMED of himself. As his babies mother and the excellent money he makes he should be paying a majority of everything. How selfish …. Tell him to grow up. Ask him is he is a man or boy?

You’re should not be expected to pay half the bills if you make way less than him. And he shouldn’t expect you to either. If the roles were reversed, I’d feel the same way. If there’s a huge gap in your finances, it’s not fair for you to be paying the same amount on bills. It should be split in a way that’s fair. 40/60, 30/70. Whatever works best for the current situation. And no I wouldn’t give him any income money either if it needs to be put away or used to pay bills.

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I definitely would stop getting pregnant

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Sounds like need to learn how to use birth control instead of having kids with every guy date. Jesus. Sad this is getting to be the norm. Marriage before kids. Live together 2 years and see if it will work before marriage. Stop dating guys for awhile,get your life straight,then find a decent one.

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Doesn’t sound like he’s ready to be a family man. He sounds greedy. You don’t owe him a dime.

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You can do bad by yourself! That is all I have to say

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Nope tell him to step up first

Don’t give him anything

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I quit reading after you said you’re pregnant by him and split bills.
Real men don’t do this type of stuff. Let his momma have him back.
You’ll be fine.

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He makes $300 a day. Barely has any bills so where’s his money going that he’s complaining he needs your money? :face_with_raised_eyebrow:

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I’d stop buying the majority of household items. Tell him when you need something and tell him he either gives you money for it or he doesn’t use it. Like laundry soap and dishes and stuff. If he wants 50/50 make it 50/50.

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Girl no. That’s your tax return not his wtf. Does he not file his own taxes?

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Girl you better run lol

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YOU receive no child support… Yet you mentioned the dad loads the kids’ debit cards every week… So that means THEY, the CHILDREN, receive CHILD support. You’re not entitled child support payments if the father is supporting them. I feel sorry for your children.

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I feel for you!
Read what you wrote
And pretend it’s not you and it’s your best friend or daughter asking what you wrote. What advice would you give them and then ask yourself what you should do…?

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No your not you we’re right not to give him any of you refund.

You did nothing wrong in my opinion and if I was you I’d even be asking him to pay more bills…or just leave bc all the burden shouldn’t be put on you…the two are his kids anyways and it was his decision to get you pregnant so it’s his fault too that you can’t work as much…people need to start having this communication before they start having kids and before marriage…then you would have known he was a loser

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Where is his tax return?

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Keep your stuff separate and start planning a way out of this relationship. I cannot imagine my husband making me work to pay half of the bills while carrying his baby. My husband told me to quit my job and let him handle the bills so I could handle growing our baby! You deserve better, sis!

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Sounds like these have been points of contention for awhile. I would first recommend no more babies with him and start laying out some ground rules now.
Tax refund for your other boys should be solely yours.
Any monies related to your children with your current should be split between the two of you, for bills related to your household family.
Think about this…he is paying his other baby mama’s child support and then turns around and asks them for money :roll_eyes:
Between now and dead how do you want to live?

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No your not. If he wants to play he has to pay

Put it in perspective for him… take your yearly gross earnings of your part time gigs then add the tax refund to get your annual gross income… then figure out his… i can bet his is still way more than yours. That’ll shut him up.

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Oh Look It’s a Bunch of Red Flags Sewn into the Shape of a Person

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Dude. You shouldn’t even be together. Hot mess. He probably doesn’t have any money because he’s paying child support. There are things you have to think about before having babies with people. I wouldn’t have given him any money either though. That’s for you and your kids.

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No you’re not wrong. But please stop having kids with this dude if he’s not going to help with them.

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No you’re not that’s YOUR money but the same way your ex pays child support he has to, too!!! I don’t get if he’s such a shitty partner why go and have a second kid with him?!?!!! You and you alone have dug your own shit hole

Seems to me he gets it through out the year plus more.

You know your not wrong tell him simply why and then ignore his selfish narcissistic ass…lol

Stop having babies you can’t afford.

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I can see why he has 2 baby mommas. No real man would act like this.

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If it doesn’t change after the baby is born with him helping out physically, emotionally and monetarily Kick His Ass Out. You seem to be a single parent anyway.

Honestly your together so the refund you get for the child you two share together should be evenly split me and my husband split because we see marriage as 1 not has 2 so we split and we plan together maybe you guys should sit down an come up with a game plan on how to move forward with yalls relationship reguarding the kids situation