I’m confused why u can’t just get up and go? Sounds like there is more going on than this little episode. If the car and him are home grab the keys and go?! Even when my hubs and I are home we take each others car without asking. If Mine is broke,I’m taking his. lol.
You mention he said “someone else would appreciate him”. Does he think ur being ungrateful for something?! Why is a car debating the marriage.
You have to picture your life without them and see how you feel I mean really picture your life without them forever then you will know if it’s time
I think U have answered your own question. U know in your heart U have given it your all and he isn’t going to. Yes U may still love him but if U stay U will start to resent him.
The fact that he knows U can’t just get up and go but still tells U to do it is like gaslighting, and the not fixing the car and him having a take it or leave it attitude and thinking U will never leave him is super controlling.
Start making plans to leave, save your money get a mechanic out to fix the car or if it’s his car just save up and buy your own. U can do it without him, and once U do and realise how much stress he was putting on U and your freedom in that U can just get up and do things without having to have a huge fight about it… U just can’t describe that sense of relief.
I don’t understand why taking his car and just going to do what you gotta do without him is such a big deal, you said yourself he does a lot so… why do you need him to go with you or get your car fixed for you or sell it for you?
I’m so confused.
The moment to end a relationship is when you have to ask a bunch of strangers on social media if its time…
Speak to him, communication is so so important, if nothing changes then its time.
Why can’t you sell your own car? Or trade it in for a newer car? Just curious as to why you’re waiting on him.
Sometimes you have to get up and just go just like he tells u and if he comes back to u then it’s meant to be and if he doesn’t come back to u and fight for his family And try to fix what’s broken then it’s what he’s really wanted all along as u are getting older priorities change for both and maybe u both do want different things now but the only way to truly know that is if you take a break go visit family for a couple weeks or a month if u have any that will let u stay because sometimes distance makes the heart grow fonder or you could both see that ur not meant to be and that’s ok because then that’s your answer
Do something for you- enroll in college, set some goals, get your car fixed.
When you have to ask that question honey it’s over, just leave
Get the car fixed. Don’t wait for him. Just do it.
Start doing things for you. Only you.
Get your hair done. Go out with your friends. Do something once a week that is just for you.
Do not let him dictate what goes on. Just like the car - if it needs to be done get it done. Don’t wait for him.
These comments are so sad! Marriage is hard sometimes. You’ve got to work at it to make it work. First, you have to communicate with each other. Have a heart to heart. Second, you might want to seek out a counselor. If he was 17 and you’re both 25 now you’ve hit that 7 year itch. You’ve grown & changed. You’ll regret it if you don’t fight for your relationship.
If you have to ask then it must be time
When there’s more unhappy than happy it’s time to leave
A lot of people are saying end it but tbh I don’t agree with that. Relationships are not always happiness and good times sometimes stress gets the best of us. I can’t tell you how many times I thought my relationship was done for and wouldn’t improve and instead I decided to step back and find a way. After doing that I realized with just simple communication and time for just us made a HUGE difference. I would at least try more one on one time and possibly even conconceling but either way I wish you both the best.
Since you asked you already know the answer. But is there a reason you can’t get yourself transportation? If I want something and he has no desire to help me, then I help myself. Refuse to be dependent on anyone. That could be a part of the problem here. And I’m sorry to say that. But having someone rely on you for every need can be draining.
What is stopping you from just getting the car fixed or putting an ad out to sell it yourself?
Tell him. Sometimes you just need space to miss eachother
While it sounds like he is depressed, you need to focus on your own mental health as well. I would end things. Depression is rough, yes. I’d suggest him seeking medical intervention. If he refuses, I would leave. It will wear you down as well.
Start by getting your car fixed. He doesn’t have to do it for you. Just tell him your getting the car fixed and he needs to help how ever that is, I don’t understand the “why” of him needing to do it and not you so I’m guessing there is something there, call somewhere and make an appointment to get it fixed and find out how to get it there. Then just start living life. Either he will come along or he will leave. But stop waiting for him to do it with you.
With any decision go for a pen & paper, divide in half then label each side , PRO & CON. Now think hard and write down all pros and cons, then put check mark or x by what you can and cannot deal with or change. This seems to really put it all into perception.
But why don’t you get a car or get it fixed?
Leave for a few days after the next fight. Tell him why you left.
Later gator. I’m out.
It just may be he is indeed depressed.
It sounds like he has depression…
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. How do you know it's time to end a relationship?
What you get now is what you get. Don’t expect him to change later on. Your better off cutting your loses cause this certainly wont end well. You sound like you both are with each other cause your bored.
Have a chat about it.
Will you be happy with not having another child? Will you regret not having one? I think it’s completely your choice. If you’ll regret not having another child I’d leave
If that question comes to mind, it’s time to move on. Don’t hesitate it will only get worse.
I guess it depends on whats more important a relationship with him or having another kid. Is it possible that his feelings over time changed to not wanting one. Maybe he originally wanted to wait for a certain time but then realized when that time came that he doesn’t want anymore kids. You could talk about it but you can’t make him change his mind.
If you really want another child and he doesnt then it is probably better to cut ties. Because either way things happen someone will probably end up resenting the other one.
Why did his feelings change? Have you asked him that?
Is it worth splitting your whole family over? Something only you can answer doll
If having a baby is that important to you, and he absolutely doesn’t want any more kids if you stay you will end up resenting him later. It’s definitely something to talk about and figure out what you really want.
If it’s your deal breaker start packing up and leave. He knew what you wanted and he’s going back on it
If it’s something you really want, then it’s time to move on unfortunately, if you can be happy together without another one then stay… only you can make that choice
Set them down and tell him it’s either a baby or bye-bye I did the same thing I got pregnant at 15 had both of my kids by at 19 they’re 2 years apart boy girl and I never thought about ever wanting any more kids I ended up with a 50-year-old he couldn’t have kids he had a vasectomy but I let his stupid ass talked me into getting my tubes tied a year later me and him broke up I married someone else very happy that I never had a baby with him but there has been a couple of people that I’ve seen since I divorced in 2010 that I would have liked to had a baby with and I never can again I guess it’s okay though I did get grandchildren I have my daughter has girl girl boy girl and my son had stepchildren boy girl girl and then they had their son a boy the oldest step child is 15 which is the oldest of all the grandkids and seven is the youngest which he’ll be seven in August but it still just ain’t the same as having something your own that you can take care of and do things with whenever they get older and something I guess I never had before I can’t tell you whether I would really leave or stay because you have to look at it like this do you love him enough to spend the rest of your life with him if he don’t want to have kids anymore or if it’s a deal breaker that you just can’t deal with life’s too short if you want another baby he don’t want to then you’re getting older every day so I would go out and get rid of him find someone else that you can be in a relationship that wants kids that would probably be the best thing to do I wish you luck
If it’s that important to you then yes it is a deal breaker. You’ll spend the rest of your relationship blaming him for missing out on something you wanted. And if it doesn’t last and you break up years from now, you’ll feel it’s to late to start a new relationship and have a child with that person. Cut your ties while you’re young and not married. Life’s to short to be unhappy and always wonder what if. Plus if you accidentally get pregnant he’ll think you did it on purpose, treat you different and ruin your whole pregnancy experience.
It is a deal breaker if you want another and he dose not i would give him a ultimatum either you guys have a child in this set time or your walking and explain how he told you that you guys would but now he changed his mind…
Nope, time to go. If you have to force it, it will end anyway, only a lot harder on everybody.
Rather sounds like you want to enjoy “the pregnancy” and he, not getting the sensation of being pregnant is maybe thinking more about the subsequent 18 years, people change over time and not to use a prison analogy the youngest child is 7 so with time served you could be looking at freedom to do more travel, and other adult activities in ten years, another child pushes that down the road another ten years if you get started immediately, so if your dug in about another child and he’s wanting to finish the current projects without taking on any new ones I’d say you guys are circling the drain
The trust is gone. You should be, too.
When you ask an online relationship page when you know when its time to end a relationship.
I dont think he lied i think maybe his feelings about having kids changed over the years. If having another child is something you are set on and its a “deal breaker” then i think its time to leave. Its not far to you if its something you really want and its not far to him to try to force him into having another child that he doesnt want
Evaluate which is more important to you. Which do you want more. Are you willing to give up having more kids to be with this man for the rest of your life? Will you be at peace with everything you have now? Or is it worth it to leave this man, to fulfill something that your heart is still yearning for? Either way, you will have to give up something that will be hard to give up. Perhaps sit down with him and discuss that this is something you want, and something that you 2 had previously agreed upon. Let him know that when you entered a relationship with him, something very important to you was in your future. Ask him what is more important to him and stick to your guns. If not having another child is as important to him as having another child is to you, then it sounds like it may be time to pursue your future elsewhere.
I would say leave. Y’all now realize you want different things for your futures and that okay but keeping it going can cause resentment on both ends. You wanting a child and not getting it or him not wanting one and giving into your want to make you happy.
If you’re asking how to know when it’s time to end a relationship then you’ve already passed the point
People do change their mind about things, even about how many kids they want. This does not mean he lied or deceived you.
If my fiance wanted another child I would leave. I don’t want anymore kids and I will not be forced to have one just to keep my relationship alive
As people get older and grow they do start to feel differently about things they want and don’t want. Just because 2 or 3 years ago he wanted more kids doesn’t mean he lied. It may just mean that he now has those kids and feels fulfilled no longer desiring another baby.
I would ask myself what is important having a baby or the relationship and bonus child u currently have?
i would talk to hin about everything and go from there. as for the car. id sell it myself and get a new one myself if hes not willing to do it or help🤷🏻♀️
Sometimes love is not enough! Sounds controlling, I’d be planning my exit. Save money, get your car, etc.
You can try counseling, to help you to decide.
If he’s working hard has three kids, with or without a mental illness like depression, he’s probably exhausted. He probably doesn’t want to cart you around on a whim. I think if you had your own car it would solve a lot of your problems. It seems like you want to just get up and go places and he’s tired. I don’t think this is all on him.
IMO you both need to communicate more and you need to put in the work to get your own car, too. Good luck!
Perfect y’all just turned 25 everything will get rocky because y’all have just turned that corner in life. Good luck this is when people start to settle into who they are going to be moving forward. If this has just started to happen then I say give it time you both will level out. 25 is an interesting age and when you start to realize things in a whole different light. Maybe y’all need a date night or something. If you say he awesome at one point but then changed there is hope. Good luck relationships are hard.
You can do WITHOUT HIM BUT YOU CHOOSE NOT TO!!! Never depend on anyone, but yourself!!! It’s a tough decision to walk away, but it’s a must for your sanity and your kid’s peace so they won’t have to witness mommy and daddy not getting along
Tell him to let you borrow his car to run errands so you don’t have to bug him to go with you. Call your insurance and have your car towed to a shop and have it fixed yourself since you have a job. Relationships change as they age and it this is a perfect time to learn some self reliance. You’ll feel more confident and he won’t feel like you’re nagging him.
Go buy a car with or without his help and then keep driving
Marriage takes work! You don’t get married just to split up when times get tough or things aren’t going your way! You made a commitment, stick with it!!! Your children don’t deserve to go through the turmoil of a divorce just because things got tough and you guys didn’t work to straighten things out. Communication and understanding/comprehension are vital to anyone’s marriage. Tell him you need him to communicate with you in a way that you are able to understand. Be patient with one another. Forgive one another. Understand that both of you are quite young and still have a lot to learn TOGETHER. marriage isn’t something you just give up on.
You don’t give up on your family give it the good fight you can rekindle the love you have for each other keep trying
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. How do you know it's time to end a relationship?
When u have to ask that question
He hasn’t lied.
He has made his mind up that 3 is enough and he doesn’t want anymore.
Just like women do.
You can ask why, without accusations and have one last conversation yes.
If he is adamant he is done then the choice is yours - a possible future child or the relationship you have already.
When you’re asking that question to total strangers
I would leave if that was a deal breaker you and he said he wanted it too. Life is too short so do what makes you happy
None of us can correctly answer this question for you. Can you find yourself in another relationship stable and comfortable enough to raise another child, what kind of time frame will that be? Or can you live without the possiblity if having another child.
You have to follow your heart and do what’s best for you.
If you are questioning whether to stay or leave then you probably know the answer.
Talk to God about it.
my biggest regret in life was not leaving my ex-husband and not moving on because the issue of other children was a deal-breaker for me and I ignored my own wants and needs
it all depends on what is more important to you. This relationship with somebody who does not have the same priorities and values as you or having another child?
for me, my biggest regret in life is not having the other child. Because we’re divorced. I don’t have him anymore, anyway. but I’m always a mother.
he knew going into it that I wanted more than one child. He held a carrot in front of my face for years and then he cut it off.
I did drastic things to try to change my own wants and needs so that I could keep my husband. with permanent consequences. Now even though I’m not with him, I will never have another child.
and he wasn’t worth it. not because of the number of children issue, but everything all around.
so really it just depends on what your personal priorities are. And you have every right to do what you need to make your life fit your priorities, regardless of what anybody else thinks. Because at the end of the day, nobody else on this planet has to live with the consequences of your choices except you
" if you don’t have to pay the price for my choices, you don’t get to judge them or say anything about them, thank you next."
I thru away the best years of my life when I got married to a guy that later told me he didn’t want children. I had already from a previous relationship but I always dreamt of having more. My girls were 3 & 5 then. I thought maybe we’d have an oops baby or something but he wasn’t a sexual person either I wasted 13 years with him:flushed: We divorced a few years ago and I am no way having a baby now that they are 18 & 20. If it’s a deal breaker then adios! Don’t waste your life with the wrong person, like I did!
why don’t you enjoy the one’s you already have. being a mom isn’t just about being pregnant. Your kids are at the age that you can have lots a fun and not have to drag all the baby stuff around. 3 is enough especially with the way things are now with covid and who knows about the economy now with the Delta virus that is going around now.
If you’re not happy, it’s time.
If it’s still a deal breaker I think you must know the answer.
If you’re adamnet about having another child and he is not it’s time to move on if you can’t accept the idea of having the three children you already share, especially if his mind is made up.
I was hesitant going into my relationship with my now boyfriend after my divorce. I already had three ( two girls and one boy) and didn’t want another. He only had his daughter. I was worried he would want a boy of his own to pass down his family name. He assured me he was happy with the four we share. They are so close in age they drain our energy. They are ( 12 -my daughter), (9 -my son) ( 8- his daughter), ( 7- my youngest daughter). We are blessed to have them close in age to play and hang out. We couldn’t imagine starting all over again with a new born. We are now finally at the ages we can travel and do kid friendly things.
Figure out what is most important to you and if your love for him is that forever love.
Let your deal-breakers be deal-breakers. If it is, then you already know the answer.
You answered your own question. You said it was a deal breaker. Unfortunately and saddening enough he doesn’t want anymore and you definitely don’t want to bring a child into this world just because its what you want. Sounds like you might have to move on. Best of luck.
If you truly plans on not having another child and you told him that was a deal-breaker for you before things got serious I would say walk away because you have the right to want more children and he has the right to not want them
In my experience, girl you already know what you gotta do next.
Maybe he has seen that 3 kids is enough and he just changed his mind about a 4th. Why don’t you try asking him why instead of asking strangers what to do. I mean you’ve pretty much made your mind up in your post and answered your own question.
Be grateful for the kids you have. The answer is simple, leave him if you want another child soooo bad, if having another child of the most important thing to you find someone who wants one bit don’t regret what you lost with that good man over your selfishness of wants
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. How do you know it's time to end a relationship?
You know the answer. My nephew had bought a house with a girl. They spent most of his 20s together. They were both professionals and one day she just said she wasnt going to have kids. He left her. It killed him. He is now happily married 5 years later and just had a little girl in April.
Do you love him…that should be the first thought…
If it’s a deal breaker. Yes leave. You don’t want to regret not having more. Best of luck.
Leave, trust me the right man will come along who wants the same things you do. As soon as I left my lying abusive ex bf the love of my life stopped in and now I’m 32 weeks pregnant
Sometimes these are signs that you should just leave. Coz a relationship where you can’t compromise is just Dead.
I love how everyone just says leave. She has 2 kids already, he has one… maybe sit down and ask him what changed, maybe he’s happy with the 3 you both have even though its from different relationships, maybe its because of the economy. How old are you both? There’s A lot of factors to consider. Just talk to him to get to the root of the reason of why he changed his mind. It could be that simple of A answer, doesn’t mean he lied.
Relationships take work. Marriages take work. See a counselor. Don’t give up just because of a challenge between you two. If the love is there it will surface. You just have to work through this. Nowadays people give up too soon. The first sign of something wrong and call it quits. That’s not how marriage was intended. We live in a disposable world. Once something loses its shine or luster, it gets thrown out. Relationships should be deeper than that. If it were me in your shoes, I’d try every avenue before throwing in the towel. It would set a good example for the children. Work through your problems.
This is an issue of emotional maturity. Overall maturity. Obviously you’ve brought your concerns to him and he doesn’t care. Next step is to tell him you want a separation, girl get your car fixed yourself. You don’t need him to do anything for you. Move out and do life on your own for a bit. If yall are meant to be together, he will realize what he’s losing and make an effort, if not, you’re still young enough to be happy on your own and attract a mature person who is willing to have a partnership with you. You’re not his mom or his keeper and he’s not your dad or your keeper. Go get your car fixed without his help, go live your life without him and enjoy it. Some men are just defective, don’t waste your time on those.
You’re supposed to grow with your spouse, but you can’t control his happiness. Only yours. Go do the things that make you happy and he will come around.
I was on board with trying and getting counseling and figuring things out… until he gave you an ultimatum. That is a red flag for me. When the people you love come to you with whats bothering them, you don’t tell them this is who I am take it or leave it, you come up with ways to compromise so every one in the situation feels valued. Counseling may help, but the fact that he thinks he is that superior to say such things, I couldn’t deal with that.
I was exactly where you are right now. And it was a very tough decision. We both love each other but just came a time where he wasn’t sure what he wanted. I waited for almost 6 months, still nothing. So I took my clothes and went home for a bit fir some time a way. After a month he was telling me how much he missed me and that he still loved me. After 2 months I went back cause he said he was ready and new he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. We been getting along great so far. Hope it works for the best for us. You have to look within yourself to know what is right for your relationship. He may need time. And seeing you independent may be just what he needs to realize what he wants. Good luck to you and those girls. I’m not saying leaving would be right for you. But doing what you want and need and being independent may make him fall in love all over again! Good luck! Sending prayers
I’m gonna throw out an unpopular opinion here. If your happiness is relying on someone else’s actions your in deep trouble. You need to focus on being happy within yourself and this will positively affect your marriage big time. You have kids and alot of history and it sounds like overall he’s a good guy. Marriage is not easy it requires work. He may be dealing with depression so often men struggle and it goes unnoticed. I wouldn’t throw your Marriage away these things are trivial
If you work, save money and get your car fixed or sell it yourself. I wouldn’t wait for him…
I would get my car fixed first of all. You get the ball rolling. Do it today.
You really answered your own question didn’t you? Do you respect yourself enough
An ultimatum is the biggest lack of accountability, and empathy for how you feel. It’s a huge red flag, that unfortunately, many people pull out when they’re faced with a conflict like yours. A woman feels unhappy, under appreciated and underwhelmed with the relationship and the husband says
“too bad”
“There’s nothing wrong with me”
“you are so ungrateful”
Etc. these are all tactics in avoiding addressing their shortcomings and quite frankly making YOU feel bad for pointing out that they have shortcomings!
Now with some people, they’ll never accept that they aren’t fulfilling their partners needs, and when it comes to them you just have to walk away. Cause it won’t ever get better. None of us know your husband, but from experience I can say I’ve been with two men who act/ed this way…one was young (22yo) and my current fiancé who is (34yo) and my child’s father, first guy was like screw it there’s a the door. And I left, because we were more roommates than anything by the end. My fiancé of almost 11 years has pulled the ultimatum card a bunch and guess what, he’s just trying to hurt me but if I left or split from him he would be begging me to stay with him. So maybe your situation is similar. One way to find out is to tell him you want to separate. If he doesn’t seem to care then you know he’s not for you anymore, and that’s okay! Better than okay! But if straightens up and starts helping you consistently and you guys can be brutally honest with eachother then he might be worth sticking around for. Some men just need to see what life is like without you and if they don’t mind life without you then, good riddance.
If asking… you know the answer is now
When you start asking that question
Your first mistake is thinking that you should be happy all the time.
There are going to be rough patches. Learn to work through them. Don’t run away because things are hard- that’s not how life works.
This is the devalue and discard phase. Prepare to leave.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. How do you know it's time to end a relationship?