Why are you even asking? He physically and emotionally hurts you in front of your kids. You deserve so much better!
Leave with your kids and find your self a better and happier life.
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He sounds like an absolute arsehole and you shouldn’t even be considering staying with him. All the individual things you’ve mentioned would be bad enough alone, let alone him doing all those things. Laying his hands on you and calling you names in front of your kids is NOT ok! Kids are massively affected by the atmosphere and environment they grow up in and they pick up on things a lot more than people think. 2 separate homes are far better than 1 unhappy home. They will be so badly affected in the long run if you stay in that relationship. Hope you’re ok xx
You deep down know the answer to your own question
You know ending it is what you should do but to leave is a big change. you then worry about your kids plus financial reasons and probably thinking he can change back into that person he was before kids.
You guys clearly were in love and life got in the way , if talking about it hasn’t got you anywhere and life everyday is just unbearable then it’s time to make that decision.
you’re a lot stronger than you think and you’re kids may not understand now but may understand when they’re older and realise why you left , you are their mother but you are a person with feelings too.
Change is scary especially entering into the unknown but that’s a far better option long term than staying for the reason that it’s just temporarily easier for everyone.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. How do you know it's time to end a relationship?
Yes leave and fast! Sorry!
Coming from a broken home is better than coming from a dysfunctional one! They will see the way he treats you and that cycle will continue. There are programs to help mothers get out of these situations if family isn’t an option. You mentioned friends, maybe you could stay with a friend until you can get services situated?!
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You deserve better, the kids will be happier when you’re happy. It’s never to late to leave…do it! It won’t be easy and there will be tears but trust me you’ll get stronger over time and then you’ll wish you had done it sooner. Be happy don’t suffer xx
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Your kids will notice more than you think they will. When I was in my own abusive relationship, my 8 year old asked why I was still with his dad, since neither one of us was happy. It took another 2 years, but I was able to leave that relationship and fall in love with an amazing man. Do whatever it takes to save up money and see what resources are out there for single mothers these days so you can get out of there ASAP.
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Should have left the 1st time you knew he cheated.
You’re not doing yourself or children any good living with him.
It’s hard and can be scary at first but you’re pretty much doing it all on your own anyway.
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Reach out, somewhere in your community, church there is help for you and your kids. Do not by any means stay in this horrible situation. Start working on your self esteem, do not let him overpower you mentally. You and your children deserve more in life. Dont let them grow up any further thinking this is perfectly normal or acceptable.
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He put his hands on you that’s more than enough reason to leave, you deserve better , even though your children are little they will notice more than you think, go it alone have your time with your children & family . I did & it made me a better more confident person x
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don’t stay together for your kids sake. it’d be worse for everyone in the long run if you did. he sounds like an absolute trash human being and you and your children deserve so much better. honestly just get rid. your kids will understand when they’re older. my parents split when i was 2 so i don’t remember any of it. it’s better to do that when they’re so young, because the older they get the more it will affect them negatively.
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You both need to go seek help! It’s not good for your children!
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Don’t stay “for the kids” they definitely don’t need to see there mom being hurt. Be a role model, make sure they know a man is NEVER supposed to treat a woman like that. My mom and dad were in an awful relationship and they always tried to make it work and it just never did. Go to a shelter till you can get money or something. If he’s doing it to you whats going to stop him from doing it to the kids in the future? You deserve better and so do your kids 
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Mine was like that too. I think he thinks your not going anywhere now he can let his guard down and show his true colors. I waited too long to leave. Mine turned out to be a child abuser too. If he lays hands on you, I don’t think there is anything he won’t do. Don’t waste time trying to see the good and ignore the bad. Because the bad just gets worse.
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I went to a woman’s shelter with my kids when I left mine for the same reasons. They really flourished afterwards!!! They don’t even ask about him and my daughter remembers the time he made me bleed in front of them. She is glad I left. They are both so much better off!!!
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He changed after the first child and you had another child? It sounds like your decision is based on your financial situation. Straighten that out with getting a job and childcare for your children. Leaving should be much easier at that point.
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Seems like you definitely need to do something more for yourself& children - not a healthy or happy situation. Get out now before it turns really ugly.
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My mum made that hard decision when we were younger. As an adult I understand and even back then I could see she was hurting and unhappy, but it was the right decision. You deserve to be happy and loved, your kids are young and they will adapt to the situation they won’t hate you. You just need to do what is best for you, no on should be unhappy and unloved.
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This was exactly how my life used to be to the T!! Except my kids dad and I were together for almost 11 years. He would physically and mentally abuse me for years and then March of last year he ended things for good with me. And I have to say I struggle financially with 3 kids but I am so much happier. He ended up coming back around a couple months later asking if I would take him back but I refused to. I know it seems impossible now to do it alone but it’s so worth it to get out of an unhappy relationship
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I stayed for 17 yrs my children suffered for it your not doing them any favors by staying trust me on that your children will resent you more than there father because you are allowing this to happen. Get out so your children can respect you for doing what’s right.
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“Kids deserve to see a happy family” this ain’t it, as soon as you can get out of there and don’t look back
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Get out. Swallow your pride and walk away…even if it is just with the clothes on your back. Take those kids to a safe place. I just went through something similar with my daughter, and she had to do just that…walk away. Thank goodness there were no children involved, but I had to convince her that it is better to leave with empty arms than in a body bad. Please, please, please get out and get those babies to safety!
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You and your kids deserve to be happy, you need to get out before the children are old enough to know what your husband is doing is wrong and they think that is normal behavior when they get to be adults and relationships of their own
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Hey hit you and that means you should be out of there!
Abuse is hard and it will be hard to leave but there are charities out there who can help. Women’s aid are great and help house you. Mum mum. Had to go through it. X
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In hearing this, I think you’ve answered your own question. Never be with someone who doesn’t know your worth, and don’t let your kids to grow up thinking this behavior is acceptable. Remember, while we stay with someone we should for the sake of our children , this is teaching our kids that this is what a relationship should be like and what they will eventually come to know and do in their relationships. Get yourself a job, and start a
New fresh life.
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When you have to asked this question… it is time. I have learned. You may love them, there may seem like millions of reasons to stay. Yet once this is necessary… it is time.
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Lovely, coming from a broken home myself I am beyond thankful my mother left my abusive piece of shit sperm donor. I grew up to help support women like my mother who experienced or is experiencing family violence.
As a kid I didn’t understand and thought it was my fault as I was a kid and didn’t understand the bigger picture of what was going on. Kids are kids and shouldn’t be a means to stay in an unhealthy relationship they should be the means to leave. Being separated doesn’t stop a child and fathers relationship sometimes it can better it. Also kids don’t understand 100% safety and risk like adults do. So we as adults have to make the hard decisions because that’s our job to.
He has physically, psychologically and socially abused you. This is family violence.
There are services out there to help you through these times and can link u into support.
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He needs to fix up. I go to work 7 days a week like most people i clean cook and bath the kids and have the kids on weekends so my partner get a break
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That sounds terrible. For those that stay in a really bad relationship for their kids, I always wonder if they would be happy if their children grew up and chose a partner that treated them the way they themselves were treated in the bad relationship. If the answer is “oh hells no!”, get out now. Parental relationships provide children with a subconscious template for how adult relationships should look. If you are berated or abused and you stay, your kids will think that’s normal. If Dad beats up Mom, chances are good that sons will model that behaviour, too.
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If you’re asking that question, it’s most likely time.
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Being a domestic violence survivor I can understand that you don’t have the funds to live on your own. But there are places that could help you, look up your local shelter and see if they can help. And don’t go back love is wonderful but not like this especially since you have kids. You need to do what is best for you and your kids. 
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I own this question! I’m 57 years old, and it took me until I was 54 after four failed marriages to figure out I deserve the best in life.
I chose people because I thought my son needed a man in his life.
Your children are two and four years old and they’re not gonna remember the pain and torment that you know.
I remember my neighbour a young man looking over my fence telling me that I need to leave the man I was with because my son deserved to see none of it. You’re going to raise your children thinking that being cheated on and getting your ass kicked by their father is normal. It isn’t normal. And stop settling. It wasn’t perfect before the kidsCame along. They were clear signs then, and you chose to ignore them. We all do.
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Start paving your own path and get a job not to many hour or to demanding just to start and transition kids to adjust to a working momma save get your little piggy bank going. Do not talk about it or threaten your leaving just start the ball rolling because you seriously cannot change ANYONE unless they willingly want to!
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When ever I see posts like this the first thing that comes to mind is “if you are asking others then you know the answer you just don’t want to face the truth”. Some people need someone else to confirm what they already know. Life’s too short to be unhappy!
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Prime example of why woman should ALWAYS have their own money or emergency fund.
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If your children ever think you’ve ruined the family it won’t last they will get to an age where they are so proud of you for taking the brave step to show them it’s okay to leave if you aren’t happy. What you are describing is basically an extra child not a partner. Leave him it will be hard but if he’s physically put hands on you I’m sure there will be some women’s charities that can help. Look into areas of work you could do from home maybe open a new bank account he doesn’t know about so you can start getting some money together that he doesn’t know about and has no control over
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Best marriage advice I ever received "Is this the marriage you want for your children? If not, make a change. Do not accept anything you do not want your children to accept. " fortunately for me, my children’s father heard that too and took it to heart. If their father is the kind of man to put hands on you and does not see that he is teaching his children that it is acceptable…do you want him influencing them?
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Every single one of these posts are the answer. No one, man or woman should never permit someone being abusive. He has been unfaithful!! That is not acceptable! He is verbally abusive!!! How much more do you need to put up with until you realize you don’t deserve to live this way. Seek help and do what is best for you and your children.
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I’m not reading past he’s put his hands on you. Yes you should leave. You’re not happy and he’s cheating and physically hurting you. None of that is acceptable let alone all together. Get yourself to safety
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You can do this mama. You know it’s time to leave. It’s what best for everyone, your safety, the health and happiness of your children and the mental well being of all. Kids know when parents shouldn’t be together. Gather your resources and take a deep breath. It’s time.
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Don’t ever think that staying in an abusive relationship because you have children with them is ever a good idea. It just teaches the next generation that abuse is ok to tolerated. Please don’t put your kids or yourself through this, he has revealed his true self. In regards to finances, you will find your way. It seems scary to take that leap, but it will be totally worth it.
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Sounds like you are not happy, the same way you got it in to this mess you can get out! You are better off without this man. Have the courage to end this vicious cycle. You don’t know how strong you are until you do it. Good luck.
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You’re not happy because a relationship is work and a commitment stop
complaining and do what you know you need to do and you already know you don’t need peoples advice
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Girl get a job and just leave. Life is too short to be unhappy. Now if he’s put his hands on you and disrespects you then it’s definitely over. You can do this. Single moms rock and your kids will appreciate you for it!!
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Best thing my mom ever did was leave my abusive dad. Unfortunately she waited until I was almost 16 and it was awful. Get those kids out. They will be fearful and miserable once they realize how he is to your. And he might turn on your kids.
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just imagine, is the same kind of relationship you want your children to have when they get older? You’re setting the example for their future relationships and how they should be treated and treat others. My parents were together for 20 years because of us children, and I was about 10 or 11 when I understood. I was the last one home when they finally divorced, and they’re both much better now. Do what it takes to get yourself and them to a better place, whatever decision that may be
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Get out now! Staying with this person you have responsibility for keeping your children safe. You’re becoming part of the trauma/abuse your children are watching and growing up with,and will undoubtedly cause them problems as adults.
Leaving would be the best thing for you and your children.
No one will sympathize with you for much longer if you tell people these things, they will blame you
If you don’t leave.
There’s actually lots of help for women these days.
Ask friends you can trust and go to the internet immediately!
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Leave him in the dust. If he does those things, children don’t need to be seeing their father do that to their mother. They may be upset at first but as time goes on they will know you did what was best for not only your safety, but theirs too.
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Get real! If you ask the question, you really already know the answer. You need to put some of the household money aside every week, sit down and make a plan for housing, work and child care. You are worth MORE than what you are getting. Since he has already put his hands on you, there will be another time. Do not accept that kind of treatment. Plan on being gone. I will say a prayer for you, your children and your relationship.
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As soon as I read he cheated and has been physically and emotionally abusive that’s when you leave. You’re kids won’t blame you for a broken home, they’ll thank you from removing them from an abusive one
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I did not even finish reading your post. I stayed in a relationship for 21 years of him cheating and me forgiving numerous times. He always put everyone in front of me. I gave and gave and he took. I finally said enough, sold the house and started new and never been happier. Please do not waste anymore years.
Kids do see more than you think and stuff like that affects them more than you realise too, like when they’re older and have relationships of their own and they think that behaviour is normal. Definitely get out of the relationship. No man should ever touch you in that way. It will be hard for everyone but it will be the right decision and they’ll see a more happier you and you deserve to be happy x
Having separate parents don’t make a broken family, living the way you are is broken. You know what you need to do, end relationship and get everything in order before u do. It will be one of the hardest things you will ever do by stay the course and you and your kids will be happier xx
Girl get a job and move on…have a talk with him about how you feel…ask him to help out a lil more an tell him you want to start spending quality time together…if nothing changes you already know what to do…just do it
Time to get out of this abusive mess. You will be miserable if you dont. Dont ley him abuse you or he will just get worse and you have kids to think of. No person should put up with someone that gets pleasure in destroying others.
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you should have left the second he put hands on you! leave take your kids out of a unhappy home. you will do so much better alone
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Pick up your beautiful children and move on. You live in a broken home so don’t fret making a new future. Be strong…you can do this. Reach out for help…
Leave him. You and your children deserve better. He has “physically put his hands on you.” That’s a very bad sign. Don’t stay together “for the children.” My parents stayed together for 43 years until he passed. While we were growing up, my siblings and I knew they weren’t happy. They almost divorced a few times, but stayed together “for us kids.” They cheated on each other. They tried to keep their woes to themselves until we were older, but we all would have been much happier if they had divorced. Leave him now before things get worse than they already are. Help is available…all you have to do is ask.
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I didn’t even need to read past: “he’s cheated…” but i did see that he’s been physical with you. I’m not a parent but I know that staying in that type of environment with violence and infidelity is not setting a good example for your children. Your kids will thank you one day for changing the climate they’re in. Take the scary step and do it for your future, everything will work out the way it’s supposed to for the better but not until you make a change.
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Once I saw that he lays hands on you, I immediately stopped reading. This is not a healthy relationship for you or for your kids.
First of all, kids notice things. So they will notice that you are not happy and that he is not happy. They will also notice the dynamic between you and your boyfriend. That means that they see him hurt you, disrespect you, and Lie to you. They develop their own relationship with others based on the example they see at home. So they will most likely think the dynamic that your boyfriend you have is healthy and normal.
I think it may be time to leave the relationship for you and for your kids. Because it seems like this relationship is not good for all four of you. Your kids and yourself will be so much happier when you leave the relationship. So please right now lean on your support system and I wish you luck.
It’s already a broken family because he is staying despite not being an active parent and partner. You’re showing your kids it’s okay to tolerate that treatment from a SO. Apply for jobs, find a place y’all can move into, and leave his sorry ass.
At the end of the day, would you be okay with your child having a partner who behaves the way yours does?
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I want to know what “he put hands on you” means. Does it mean he was restraining you from being in his face or did he physically hurt you? More info plz.
From what I’m reading, the kids aren’t in a happy family. You’re obviously not happy, I say try to find some resources in your area and see if you can get some help whilst you get yourself back up and become independent. Wishing the best of luck to you! You deserve better.
I dont know if you realize but kids can feel the tension in the house. You are better off to get out before they get too old. There are all kinds of help for you. I don’t know where you are but 211 can help get you info for help on how to live with your children and see they have food, clothes and a roof over your head. Get help and get out
Figure out a plan and get out. Look up resources and start planning your freedom. You can do this. You will be teaching your kids too.
I’d rather you leave then have your kids be taken away by CPS due to his behavior. If he puts his hands on you, what makes you think he won’t but his hands on them?
Also, it starts small and gets bigger and bigger. This is a terrifying situation. Look into resources cause there are in fact many. Please stay safe.
Staying in a bad relationship with my husband destroyed my daughter. For God sake don’t stay in it for the sake of the kids get out of it for the sake of the kids!!
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Have you sat down and had a heart to heart conversation and told him how you feel and to see what he says or what he is really going thru and doesn’t tell you but if he doesnt want to talk or fix it , it is time to leave. Kids dont need to see parents unhappy
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PLEASE DISREGARD MY COMMENT. I GOT CAUGHT IN FLASHBACKS FROM MY PAST. THIS WAS MY LIFE. After everyone is gone, you realize if you don’t let go of the hurt and blaming you won’t be able to live in peace the rest of your days. Looking back and thinking if it could’ve been better doesn’t help any. The moment that would’ve helped was realizing kids don’t mean a separation or the fear of being forgotten but the solidity if a couple that turns into a family. My apologies for running your blood pressure through the roof.
Aye… the story repeats itself.
All he is saying is that he is jealous because you two don’t spend the same time together and he doesn’t want to share you. In short he is afraid to be forgotten. Show him, with your soul, with everything from you that moved him to be yours, you will not toss him aside. That now, he is not only part of you but a pilar of the family. He is just afraid and insecure. We’ve all been there. He needs assurance. And don’t give up. Love is the bind.
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Stop counting red flags…once there is one…that’s enough.
Society puts so much ideology into staying with one perfect person for life.
Sometimes someone is perfect for you and you them from 20 to 26…someone else may be perfect for you for 30 to 40…
People change and it’s okay to move on…
Just because you invested 6 years doesn’t mean you need to stay for the sake investment…or out of obligation.
The investment was the time it was and now you have some great kids and you can invest into something new. Beginning again isn’t a bad thing.
Every end has a new beginning.
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LEAVE HIM! NO MATTER WHAT! YOUR CHILDREN DO NOT DESERVE IT and neither do you!!! Go now before it damages your children!!! I did with my last with a 4 yr old. Thank God i did. My 20 yr old son turned out awesome and i am sure it would have been different if i had not. SOOO PLEASE…GET AWAY FROM THIS SITUATION SOON
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I was just reading some of the reply’s, everyone I read said in someway or another, time to move on, he is not treating you or your children with love and care! You can get help for support and I think you know that, your children feel it too! Be strong for yourself and your children! I know “but I love him” seems hard but I do t think he isn’t worthy of your love🙏
I didn’t even read beyond the first few sentences and I already know you should leave. No one deserves to be beaten or cheated on. That’s certainly not what you want your children to believe a healthy relationship should look like.
Things just fall into place once you trust. To get away from a horrible situation, I left with 2 kids, 2 cardboard boxes and 25 cents. Within 3 weeks I had a great job in rock & roll, a car, a nice little house and a great new beginning. I don’t know how that all happened, but I never looked back.
My ex husband did all the above. I was a stay at home mother/financially stuck too. It took an event of him putting hands on our son, CPS taking our kids away & lots of chaos afterwards. I put a restraining order on him immediately, he bailed jail, I stayed in a hotel paid by state care, had $260 to survive on for a couple of months, got a job, worked my ass off, got my own rent a room while my kids were in foster care…. 20 months later kids returned home safe.
Make a plan to get out. If you can stash away a little money each week. If he puts his hands on you, call the police. Women’s shelters have a lot of help and resources, job placements, childcare, job training.
You need to leave ASAP. Other wise you’ll get older and older without a chance to find a great relationship with somebody else.
He put his hands on you file a restraining order and he cannot go within 50 feet of you and he has to leave the house. Then seek help for child support and counseling.
Leave. You’ve literally listed all the reasons why. Time to start looking into getting a job and getting out. It can be hard since you are a stay at home mom, but you can get subsidized childcare and aide to get on your feet, rely on your friends during this time too, they will help. Once you get on your feet, after the first year, it will be easier. Taking the first step is always the hardest but the pay off seems like it will be better for both you and your children and maybe even their dad too in the long run.
Get yourself a part time job once you get enough money saved leave, I’m sure friends or family won’t mind watching the kids 2-3 days out of the week
are there people who actually work things out …or is it …let’s make some kids and split …you weren’t happy from the beginning
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All you are doing is letting your children grow up to think that relationship are supposed this toxic. As they don’t know any better because you stay with him. You are allowing this treatment to be normalised in your childrens lives
Your kids can still love their father and have a relationship with him but it doesn’t mean you need to sacrifice yourself to be with him for their sake.
Find away to leave, speak to womens charities that can help you get out of that situation.
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Being physically putting his hands on you is a drop dead deal breaker. It’s not you anymore its your children. Pack and leave him.
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You have given more than enough reasons in a couple of sentences to end this relationship both for your own benefit and for the benefit of your children. You do not want your children growing up thinking that how he is treating you is the right way to treat people
Your kids will be much happier without having to experiencing the trauma of a physically present but emotionally absent father and witnessing their mother being abused and belittled
If kids are old enough or if it’s an option try to get something doing. Try come up with fun things to do as a couple and as a family. Happiness is something you build it just doesn’t happen. If after all you tried n u still not happy, then walk away happily.
He could be depressed and need to get medical help and/or therapy. If he wasn’t like this before, then it could be stress induced and hes given up.
If hes given up… What r u really fighting for except to make kids happy. But even tho he wont b in their lives when they get older they will understand why. You are not to blame here… Leaving doesn’t make u a bad mother. Or selfish parent. Your happiness rubs off on your kids. They see YOU everyday. They know hes not mentally or emotionally there anymore. Wait… Just go read and educate yourself on women in worse situations LEAVE AND IT CHANGES THEIR LIVES FOR THE BETTER. You have to gather your strength as a women and forget every bad thing hes ever said to you and put ur super women on Remember you r ur kids hero! Not his!! He has abused his privilege for respect from you so now use that energy towards them! Its gunna tear u up inside but like all these good ppl said… You have to go thru the struggle to get to the bright side… And if u put in the effort you and ur kids deserve you will see that day ur sitting back sipping your tea and watching your kids laughing playing comfortable safe and your heavy chest is no longer weighing you down… You can actually sip that drink and breathe after. Its so sad we have this fear of being wrong to ones who deserve it. We cant live under FEAR it traps you worse than any ball and chain with a lock. You can do this… You just need to be pushed!! You can do it. And its time. You are a woman. You deserve a man who pains him to be away fromyou or see you sad and will give you that baby love like you had to begin with. They are out there… Find yourself first! That part will always be there when your ready
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Think about what you’re teaching your children about relationships by staying with him and letting him do these things to you.
find little ways to set aside money (cashback an extra $20 when getting gas and groceries etc) till you have enough, make an escape plan and get out when you can. You deserve better
Sounds like my life, except I usually do work (I’m currently laid off until August) a month ago I filed a pfa. He’s out of the house (my house). He sees our son a few hours weekends, it’s been so peaceful. My son is much happier without the toxic behavior in the house.
Ask a friend or family member to help you find resources. Not sure where you live but here in Canada there are women’s resource centers and shelters. If you have a home togeth er stay in your home with the children. He can find an apartment or whatever and pay child support. He can also help with some of the bills. If you are renting same thing applies. The fact that he has physically hurt you and been unfaithful will work in your favor in court. You said you and your boyfriend are dating. Not so. You are living common law. In the eyes of the law that is the same as marriage. Get custody of your children with visitation rights for him. Seems he’s busy on weekends so he might not bother you a lot. Get the law and outside resources and friends behind you. You can do this…you’ve got this.
He knows you are stuck and that gives him power over you to do as he pleases. If he is physically abusive to you ,you could start by reaching out to programs that will help you to get away from this. Maybe a shelter for women and children and many will help you to get suitable housing as well. Don’t stay for the children, this hurts them more in the long run.
If you’re not happy you already know you should leave. Get a job first and save some money, and then make your plans.
U find a babysitter, get daycare assistance and take urself to work.
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The deserve a happy mum.
Staying in that relationship will just normalise that behaviour to your kids, which isn’t right.
Your bf is not healthy enough to be in your life. From reading your question it’s possible he is suffering from clinical depression. He may be undiagnosed bi polar or other mental illness. He needs to get help. That being said I still agree you need to get out now. Go to a friend’s house and google resources for battered women and children. There are programs available. Be persistent and discreet. Stay safe. Get help.
Get out now. Your situation is not going to get any better, so don’t delay. Check community resources. Apply for public assistance while you look for a job. Right now a lot of jobs are available. And for God’s sake don’t tell him your plans. You can probably get a social worker who can help set up supervised visitation after you are out and safe.
The first time he put his hands on you take your children and get out. If you stay you are teaching your children that is acceptable
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