Leave. Your son will heal and he will be just fine with you trust me. He is better off knowing his mommy is being loved and taken care of the stomped on and disrespected. That’s not the example you want your son to have growing up on how to treat a woman the get the hell out now. You don’t deserve that and neither do those babies! Go now and never look back!
I understand that he loves your children but he is teaching them traits that are not ok this will trap you the longer you stay the more impossible it will become to leave also the lies cheating and controlling will get worse !! Get a job find housing get a car all figured out and then leave his ass where he is and don’t get back with him I promise the control will only get worse 
your babies need better you need better if moms not healthy your children are the ones who will suffer please open your eye look past the feelings and see what’s really happening in your life “actions speak louder then words “ god I k is this as truth now don’t listen to him watch him and you will really see what’s going on !! My mom had a boyfriend when I was very young my brother was 1 years old the BF rapped and beat me and my siblings for three years !! My mom never figure it out until three years after they got together he also spent thoughts on phone sex line mind you this was in the 90s before the internet we lived to far to go to bars ect !!
You’re son may love him but it’ll be better for him in the long run. Seeing that kind of relationship he’ll think it’s normal and will likely do the same. You and your babies deserve better! Know your worth. If you’re happy your kiddos will be happy.
Send the only fans info to his mom. Tell her she can have her son back and that you’re not losing anything of value.
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Imo, he is teaching your son how to treat you and other females. If you want to live like that, it’s your choice. Me, I would rather be alone and struggle than to put up with that kind of b.s.
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Get out while you’re ahead. You don’t want to be 3 kids in and still have this same toxic relationship. He might be good to your kids, but whats mostly important is how he treats you. Because those babies are watching everything.
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Get counseling, you owe your children that, don’t listen to loosers
If he is that good of a “dad”… then it won’t change when you leave him.
Stop giving excuses or live a life of unhappiness…
Also, if your son is old enough to understand, this would be a GREAT example for him, what not to do when he’s old enough to have his own family.
If we woman continue to allow men in our lives because we don’t want to be alone, our children are going to be repeating the same mistakes.
Wake up!!! Be the independent woman that YOU need to be for yourself and your children!
ITS OKAY TO BE ALONE AND WITH YOUR BABIES! You don’t need a “man” or “partner” in your life who just brings you down… that’s not LOVE at all!
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If you have to ask that question… then deep down you know the answer.
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Remember your children are a product of their environment raise your children in a home you want theirs to be when they’re grown filled with love and happiness if you arent happy what are you teaching your kids?
Get out!. You’re son is better off without a person who is treating you this way…
He is selfish af. And unfortunately unless you want your son to grow up and BE like him or your DAUGHTER TO BE WITH SOMEONE LIKE HIM… the sooner you leave the better HONESTLY FOR YOUR SON&BABY!!! Your children are NOT going to emulate what he says but WHAT they SEE HIM BE! And selfishness on its own is a terrible trait. And I highly doubt being selfish is his only toxic trait. Some people just are toxic and you and your children deserve so much better!
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Ended before you get more involved or married. It’s easier to break up then get a divorce
First off if his Mother is texting you to tell you “to smarten up before you lose her son” he’s not worth having and she knows it. His Mother is probably hoping you continue to put up with him so that she doesn’t have to.
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You’ll make your son suffer more by staying, never stay just because there’s children involved. It doesn’t change how he’s treating you now, then it never will.
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You’ll hurt your child more by staying in a toxic relationship.
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You do know! Leave. U r teaching ur children that if they are lied to or disrespected it’s ok to stay. It’s not! Children learn what they live. Better is out there waiting for u and ur children. Good luck
Read what you just wrote & you will say, shit, i have to leave
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When you have to ask that question
The longer you wait the harder it will be for him
Don’t stay in a relationship because of your kids. Your children will be much happier with a healthier relationship then to see you being treated poorly or hearing the fights. Thats toxic. I know, i did the same thing. We were better off alone
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This is toxic you need to leave and show your kids that this isn’t how they treat a loved one nor how they should allow themselves to be treated!
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Let him Go! The Life will Go on anyway!
So your staying cause you dont want to hurt your sons feelings???
I couldn’t even finish this 
. Girl, 
you deserve better. Tell yourself that, as many times as you need to until it CLICKS for you to walk away.
That’s a load of $!%@%. That action helps none of you guys least of all you. So what’s best for YOU
This goes the same wether you have a son or daughter… teach them that it’s ok to leave a bad relationship, teach them that this behaviour is not ok and you deserves to be treated better… more importantly, teach them that noone has the right to make you feel unhappy and that it is ok to want more. X
Everyone is saying leave but in my opinion that’s not always the option, especially with children involved , I would just sit him down talk to him about it tell him how you feel and maybe see if y’all can do marriage counseling that is if you still love him and don’t wanna leave your just wanting him to change. But I agree he does need to get off his mommies titty he’s married to you not her. He needs to talk to you about the problems not mommy.
By staying you’re normalizing abuse to your son and showing him an unhealthy marriage. Staying after a person cheats is just devaluing yourself and your relationship. If you’re worried about your son you leave and stand up for yourself and your family.
Leaves him with his mom.
Toxic!! Girl your child can also se that his dads abusive and his moms unhappy. Divorce his ass and kick him to the curb
You should leave, you shouldn’t have to ask strangers, if your not happy it’s not healthy for your kids your son will get over it as long as you are happy and he sees that. Arguing and fighting all the time in front of kids is worse. I wish I left mine right after my son was born. Stayed 11 years and it was 11 years of hell. Was not good for my son to see us fighting all the time and me being miserable.
Tell him to go back to his mama
Deep down u do know when it’s time to leave most ppl stay because they still care for there partner in end but u do what’s right for you
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. How do you know it's time to end a relationship? - Mamas Uncut
Ten years and y’all don’t even live together?
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Time to move on. Life is too short!
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It sounds like you’re upset about the things you do for him. Remember you did those things cause you wanted to. Or did you do them expecting things in return? If so that’s on you not him. But you said you don’t trust him so there’s your answer. Can’t have a relationship without trust.
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I’m in a similar boat but we live together and have kids. I’d tell him how your feeling (I just did this with mine yesterday because I’m fed up and done) and go from there. My partner has a hard time opening up- expressing his feelings. He will just stay busy all day and not take time to think about think that need thinking about. We are talking about couples therapy but haven’t started yet. As for the text thing that can be tricky- we have iPhones and I can see the same thing and he swears he didn’t read them when it says he does (it’s only happened a few times) what I think happens is maybe it’s in there pocket after just texting us and they didn’t lock the screen. Now if he’s saying he never got it he may be linked up to another device with his iCloud (if it’s apple) and the messages might be going there to. Go with the feeling strongest in your head. Don’t follow your heart that thing will lead me personally down a hell if I don’t put it in check. Lol good luck lady 
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You can’t do things for people and be upset because they don’t do something in turn, it’s wrong to hold those things over someone’s head. And TEN years and y’all don’t live together??? No thanks. Trust is the foundation of all relationships, platonic or romantic so that should be your answer alone.
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If you have to ask this question, it’s time to move on.
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I think you answered your own question
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I told my husband when we were dating if he didn’t see me as his goal and if I didn’t have a ring at the very least and plans of a wedding in the works by the time our 5 year anniversary hit I would be moving on because I didn’t need to waste my life on someone who wasn’t 1000% sure he wanted me. By our 4th year he proposed and two weeks later we got married by the court. His reason, he wasn’t going to chance losing me. If a man wants you in his life he’s not going to keep you waiting or wondering. He’ll make moves to let you know you’re wanted.
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Relationships aren’t easy people fight even say things they don’t mean sometimes but you should never have to sit here and question your sanity or your worth and wonder why you aren’t good enough. If you have to sit here and question his love for you then it’s clearly time to move on
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You’re already gone. Just collect your belongings.
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If you’ve been together ten years and haven’t wanted to move in, yeah it’s time to reconsider where it’s going.
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I think feeling appreciated in any relationship is really important. Just remember there are lots of honest, thoughtful men out there. & life IS short; do whatever makes you happy.
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Ask yourself if you are happy? Could you keep doing this for many years to come? If you answered no go any of those questions girl LEAVE.
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Relationship of 10 years and not living together? Bye. He’s not gonna put a ring on it anytime soon.
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How do you it’s time to end a relationship? If you’re asking this question in the first place…
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It’s sounds like you do know though 
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Baby: let it go! Same boat here. He will never put you above himself.
Someone else out there can and will love you better!
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I only read til ten years of lies… I’m not putting up with a liar after 10 minutes.
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All i read was 10 years of lies and no commitment
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After 10 years he hasn’t said hey what’s he counseling let’s get her problem solved and this is his way of life you’re wasting your life on him I don’t want to see anybody break up and sometimes you got to remove the trash out of your life and start over Jimbo
Time to let this relationship go
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You will feel it in your bones. You don’t miss him. You don’t want him around. You stated you don’t even live with this person so… you ask yourself if the time you put in worth it. We’re you happy? If so talk about it and try to get counseling.
End it once and for all.
Ten years and you don’t have more of a commitment or serious change? I’d move on. Life’s to short to live unhappy especially if you’re not married.
If you have to ask the question, then you already know what time it is…
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No trust…no relationship 
You already know. Do you want 10 more years of exactly the same?
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Girl if y’all don’t live together after 10 years then u honestly cannot say he hasn’t slept with anyone else. Also if y’all been together for 10 years n still no living together that’s a huge red flag n honestly sounds like you may be the side chick n he has someone main with him n even if u go to his place he can surely hide the stuff to make it seem like it’s just him living there. Stop being naive honestly.
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Give him up. Find another one who you can trust and who trusts you.
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You already know *trust your instincts and good luck
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You do know. And u answered yourself. When it’s time to go, every thing about you knows. Another door can’t open until u close this door. Nothing wrong with picking yourself and your happiness. Good luck !
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Ten years and you aren’t living together… it’s time to move on.
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You’re wasting your life away with this loser. Love yourself!!!
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You ask that question… once you are questioning if it’s the end it probably is
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. How do you know it's time to end a relationship? - Mamas Uncut
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. How do you know it's time to end a relationship? - Mamas Uncut
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He is treating you like an option not a priority. You deserve better. End the relationship and allow something and someone better into your life.
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It’s all about your own self worth and what your willing to put up with. You are telling him how to treat you by the things you forgive him for. Just because he hasn’t slept with anyone doesn’t mean he isn’t cheating in other ways. 10 years is a long time without forward progress. Only you can follow your heart. You are the one that has to deal with the depreciations of the fall out.
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Some people are not into a true commitment. Sounds like that may be the case. If you aren’t happy and want more than he is able or willing to give, move on.
Life is too short to settle.
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You have to decide what you want out of your relationship and if you’re not getting it, stop settling. If you’re okay with being together for ten years with no commitment and still not being a priority then stay but if you want more, stop wasting valuable time with someone who doesn’t appreciate or respect you and find someone who will. Bottom line is know your worth and then don’t settle for anything less. Good luck!
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Ah…I’d let him know exactly what you’re thinking, then walk away just to see what happens. He will either come back fighting for you and learn to make you happy and if he doesn’t…then you’ll know it was the right choice. 10 years is a long time to be second guessing. Chances are this is done with. I’d personally start fresh if this isn’t a marriage.
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If you’re asking how do you know it’s time, it’s time. The time has come to find someone that makes you happy. This is not the guy. You want him to be that guy, but he is never going to treat you the way you want to treated. Life is to short to continue like this. Let go of what’s comfortable, and find some that will respect you.
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It’s time to move on and find happiness!! My daughter is going through the same thing… let go ladies their pieces of s*** to have put you ladies into this position…
Sweetheart it’s been 10 yrs. you can’t teach someone to show love. If it’s not in him then he won’t show it. Love yourself a little more and let him go but most importantly let yourself be free and open up to new things. We all deserve to be happy and most importantly loved.
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I’m at the same place with my kids father. We married, divorced, reconciled, separated, and now are “together” while living apart, honey it’s not worth it. I am constantly being the thoughtful one too. They get all of our everything while doing nothing for it, why would they change? It’s hard, trust me I know 1st hand, but it’s time to let go and move on, we can get there together. 
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It sounds like he’s using you. I’d stop buying him things and spoiling him and see how long he sticks around. He’s taking advantage of your generosity and forgiving nature.
You can’t have a healthy relationship with someone that is constantly lying. Those “little” lies will turn into big ones because he knows he can get away with it and still keep you. You deserve someone that is honest with you and reciprocates.
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If your question enough and having days when you don’t care you know. You may just need to hear similar stories and gain some confidence. I was in this exact situation. One day I woke up and just knew I didn’t want to do it anymore.
Honey, I know I’m going to sound harsh, but read the words you posted.
How can you be “NOT SURE” if you trust him when, if your words are honest, IT IS ABUNDANTLY CLEAR you cannot trust him and probably never could.
Men are pretending to be women these days to minimize women and keep them down. It is always a ploy by them to be MASTERS OF THE UNIVERSE, no matter the cost.
You deserve to be happy. To have someone send you flowers “Just because it’s Wednesday” in the words of Vivica Fox.
Men who don’t reciprocate are soul sucking and life draining, even if they don’t do it on purpose.
Take care of you.
You. Deserve. To. Be. Number. One.
Take care of you.
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It seems like a long time to not be happy. If you have communicated your needs to him and he still hasn’t taken the relationship seriously, he’s not going to. You can’t change anyone and it’s not your job to, your job is to make yourself happy.
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End it! You can find someone that makes you happy! But as I told my Daughters when they were dating - you can not meet the right one if you are with The wrong one!
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I had to stop and look at the beginning of the paragraph because she lost me at 10 years but don’t live together. Like what?!? I would understand if they live together and finding it hard to make a decision but sound like she already single with an entanglement.
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Honey, cut your losses and end it. Life is too short to spend with someone who has proven over and over again that they simply do not care for/about you. Know your worth. Know that you deserve better/more than what you’re getting. You very clearly say that you are not happy living like this. SO DON’T. Go forth and find what makes you happy without dead weight holding you back/down.
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10 yrs… you deserve better and definitely should already have progress in y’all’s relationship 
There’s one question you need to ask yourself… do I want to live this way for the next 10 yrs?? If the answer is no then you know what to do… 
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If you’ve been feeling this way lately… you’ve made up your mind
Just go for it
You’ll be happier honestly
When I went thru that with my ex… I thought being alone was scary but I embraced it and lived it great.
It not working within 10 years and not living together… you already know. Leave and go be happy
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It breaks my heart to see women accepting this kind of treatment and settling for men who are not absolutely crazy about them, because that used to be me. You are worth so much more than this BS. No man who genuinely cares about you and your feelings is going to act like that. Learn to value yourself and find a man who values you too. I promise he is out there and you will be so much happier and every aspect of your life will improve because of it.
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I went through this same situation. I’ve known him for 20 years and we been together for 3. When he told me he loved me in a text or on the phone, I rolled my eyes and thought yeah right. Then when he knew (because I told him) that I was ready to walk and doubted everything he said to me, he wanted to get married. I thought for sure I’d go to sleep our wedding night and wake up and he’d be gone, but he wasn’t and was pushing me out the door to go do it. I think some just aren’t as secure as you think they are.
The fact you typed that all out, I think you know you’re done. People change in the time span of 10 years, that’s a long time, and if y’all haven’t made the steps to grow together in that time then maybe the relationship has run its course🤷🏼♀️
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Red flags mean something. Pay attention to them. I spent 10 yrs with my husband and if how you sound is truly how you feel then take care of yourself.Mine however couldn’t keep his zipper shut.
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When you feel like you have to ask… it’s time. From what I read it seems like it’s time and you are just looking for reassurance that you are doing the right thing! Leave! 
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Ask yourself how many more days, weeks, etc… are you wanting to feel this way. If you are done then you are done. I know easier said then done !! It will be hard and it will hurt . you just have to know you deserve better then being unhappy with someone who can easily lie to you, who can not even show you the littlest of appreciation or love. Letting go sooner rather then later will give more appreciation and love for yourself and more of an opportunity to find a new kind of love and happiness.
How do you KNOW he hasn’t been with someone else? Especially not living together? Honey you deserve better
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Sometimes they are put in our path to help us right now. Not forever. I truly believe you deserve the best and this is not it. I wish you the best and for the courage to be able to cut ties.
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10years to long!! Let go, I know easier said then done…but if change hasn’t happened yet, it’s not going to 
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Walk away, life is too short. You deserve happiness and he can not love you the way you need it! Please walk away