The marriage seems extremely toxic… and he seems extremely emotionally immature. I’d say it’s time to move on and be happy.
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It sounds like he has you right where he wants you… he will continue to do what he wants to do and will go in and out of being a real husband on his own terms. But it was over when you had an affair especially if he was previously mentally and emotionally abusive, that’s red flag 
#1. You probably stay because you want your family as a whole and that’s okay, a lot of people go through this but I would most definitely leave. It’s not a healthy marriage and it will drain you. Know your self worth mama 
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It sounds like you need to leave. Staying will not result in your happiness. Your kids will be much happier when you choose to put yourself first.
I’ve been in an abusive relationship before and my daughter who was 4 was majorly picking up on what was happening. Since I’ve left, I’ve been able to focus on myself and was able to be a better mom in the process.
You deserve so much better. You are aware of this because you are reaching out for validation. You need to make that choice to move forward.
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Honey, you and your children need to get out now!!! You all deserve a life that is healthy, happy and full of respect. That home is toxic. You’ll all do so much better out of there.
Go and be happy!
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I left a 20 year marriage because he never respected me. Move on love life is way to short for that crap. Believe me when I tell you, you will hurt at first but it’s so freeing to break free.
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No way I could read all that, but I read enough. Leave his ass today!
This doesn’t sound fixable. I’m sorry
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He is abusive to you and you dont even see it.you are probably just used to it. You deserve so much better.and what your kids see is what they are being taught is okay.i am so sad for you and i hope you get out.soon.
Jesus…girl get out of there.
If you would tell your kids to run. Then run. Which them telling you guys to get a divorce was their way of telling YOU to RUN. Time to throw in the towel mama. Won’t be easy but will be worth it
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Why do you stay? Because it’s easy. It’s convenient. And it’s comfortable. Even though he’s Jekyll and hide you know that and you expect it. And you stay because you already feel so much guilt for your previous actions and you’re afraid to make it worse. My parents divorcing made our lives so much less rocky as kids. We could see how much happier mom was. You deserve to be happy, regardless of your past actions. You can’t change the past but you can change the future. Good luck to you friend.
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I got through about 1/4 of it. Yeah. You should probably divorce.
You’ve basically answered your own question, leave.
If you are asking the question you already know the answer you are just scared of actually making it happen and for al the changes that will happen! People stay in toxic relationships as it’s easier and all the change to make a better life is just to hard I stayed for 7 years and asked this questions to many friends I had one who stood up to me and told me how it was and how it should be and could be!!!
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Sounds like you are afraid of being on your own. Do you work? Don’t beat yourself about the affair. Your husband is being very abusive (mentally) you don’t deserve being treated that way. The only way your going to figure this out is on your own. Good luck hope you find the peace your looking for.
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Leave your very unhappy
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Please don’t spend another day in this relationship, life is too short to spend your days being miserable, and it is not good for your children to be around it. Talk to an attorney about child support and get the heck out of there.
Contact your nearest battered women’s shelter and see if they can direct you to a councilor who can help you with building your self esteem.
If you’re asking. It’s time
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Being in an abusive relationship makes you feel as if you cant leave. You’re too scared to see what’s on the other side of leaving, but I can tell you I have never once regretted leaving a toxic environment. There will be days when you miss the good times(even if there were very few) and you’ll find yourself wanting to go back, but dont. Hes proven to you who he is multiple times. You and your babies deserve better than that.
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Follow the advice you would give your children.
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Do not stay in an unhealthy relationship just for kids. That’s how you teach your kids that this behavior is ok and to keep going back to someone who is toxic.
Get out of that loveless marriage, gain your self respect back. Focus on your children and yourself.
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Leave. It will be hard at first because you have been together for so long. It affects the kids more than you realize.
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Sounds like it’s time to move on for you and the kids. Maybe he will straighten up and realize what’s important in life or maybe you will just get divorced and find peace. Either way I’d make a change
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I would leave him. Hes a jerk. He sounds like my daughters husband only ps4 nothing else he cares about that’s why shes getting rid of him.
I’m just guessing, but you stay because where will you go? How will you support yourself? Who will help with the kids (even if he’s on the PS4 he’s still there if you need to run to the store, etc). It’s a lot to process and it’s not so bad to stay in this marriage when you weigh the pros and cons. Hang in there.
Hit the road!!!
Pack up and go back home!!!
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Sounds like you stay because of being used to being treated that way. Bet he wouldn’t be playing playstation and yelling if you took the cord. Maybe start putting money aside in a hidden envelope or somewhere and get ready to leave
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Leave you are not a tree you don’t need to endure anymore pain and hurt and don’t stay for the kids they’ve told you to get a divorce.
I’d leave and unplug his ps4 if you have to start from scratch so does he. Fuck him you owe him nothing. This is your life too.
you both need to grow up and decide whats important…ylu both cheat on wach other…thats wrong all on its own…your complaining about him doing it yet your doing it as well
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I think you know the answer to your own question…sorry u r going thru this…
If you’re questioning it it’s time to end it
Why do you then?
Open communication with friends and family, some will absolutely Understand you were going through some Stuff and will support you.
Start rebuilding yourself and your support system.
You don’t have to leave this moment but start focusing on your goals, decide on what you want to do and a plan of action.
It has to start somewear .
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He doesn’t want to be the bad guy so he’s doing everything he can to make u leave
Leave and let go it’s for the best for your children
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Girl take a bat to his PlayStation while hes playing it. Fuck him. Sounds like you need to leave him. Leave for yourself and them kids. I would have done broke his shit.
DO NOT STAY BECAUSE OF THE KIDS!! DO NOT STAY, PERIOD!! I did. I now have 3 teens that have been diagnosed with PTSD from their dad and I’s staying together too long. It’s so not fair to the kids. Break ties and do it quickly. You and your children will be so much happier.
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Find your courage, you’ve given more than half of your life to be with this man who is suppose to love and protect you.
Now, it’s time for you to look for help- talk to your family and friends.
Once you start talking to someone who matters I promise it will get easier and you will have to start from scratch but that is no way to live.
You are not only hurting yourself but also your children.
Sending love and prayers
Xoxo
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Your already alone … don’t waste anymore of your life… things are not going change, your children would rather see both parents happy. Go live your life
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Run and don’t look back.
You need to leave your happiness is important. I know it’s not easy to do so but for you and your children’s mental health it’s what’s best. Sounds like your children are old enough to understand if you do choose to leave
You need to leave him you all ready know that its just taking the next step and doing it. Get out
You don’t have to ask for advice because you already know what to do. Life is too short to put up with him.
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It’s way past time for you to go. You even said your kids aren’t happy and are wondering why you are still there. He isn’t spending time with you or the kids. No one is happy and it will continue to be that way until you leave. Don’t waste anymore time trying to make it work.
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What game was it? Anyone know
Also, you need to leave
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Jeez I think if you go back and read this you’d see it over and done with. Quit beating yourself up and move on with your life and feel good about yourself
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I think you have your answer already… You just need to take action. Get a divorce… Your relationship has been over for quite a while apparently. He sounds abusive and neither you or your kids are happy around him anyway. He doesn’t sound like a very good dad honestly.
Just remember that you are modeling what a relationship looks like and what is right or wrong to your kids.
Apologize to your kids for what you have done wrong, we are all human and make mistakes. Look for family counseling for you and your kids. Listen to their feelings and focus on healing. Life is too short to be so miserable. Go build yourself the life your heart desires and encourage your children to love themselves, don’t let anyone ever mistreat them and look forward. If he really cares he will look into building and keeping a relationship with the kids, if he doesn’t it is his lost.
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Your already alone, You should kick him to the curb for the sake of yourself and your children! He sounds like he’s very childish and abusive mentally… stop giving him more of your life…you already said the person u had an affair with built u up instead of knocking you down like he does! You know the answer to your own questions, leave him in the dust, you will be so much happier once your free from the situation! Take it from someone who was in a shitty relationship and had been cheated on, once my daughter and I got out and was able to restart our lives we are so much happier! And I’d never go back to my ex!
I love how everything you have said is from your heart. You seem to be a person who takes accountability and who lives hard and deep. I would guess that you stay out of comfort (having been in the relationship for 27 years), fear of the unknown ( leaving and being single) and he has negatively affected your self esteem but I guarantee you that you would be so much happier without him. I hope that your children are old enough that you don’t have to agree to visitation with him because he would likely do whatever he can to make you all miserable and that says a lot if someone is comfortable with their children being miserable. You deserve happiness and I hope that you go for it!
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Its affecting ur kids… its past time to G-O
If your kids are telling you to get a divorce it’s definitely time.
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I’m so sorry your going through this, it’s sounds like everyday must be so hard. It’s time your for you both to go your separate ways. You’ll both become be happier and probably be better parents apart
When you post to a group on Facebook hoping they will give you the push that you need
It’s time to go. You’ve given up so much already and your kids deserve so much better.
Girl I read the first quarter of this and nothing more and I say it’s time to file divorce papers
Now. Now is enough! I was in a toxic relationship sounding similar to yours for 20 years. We were 24 and 28 when we got together, we have 3 kids…we grew apart. I tried everything, it was just done. 2 years separated and I am sooo happy. We talk and still argue sometimes but it’s different now, I don’t have to look at him for the rest of the night if I am mad at him.
In order to be a healthy mom, you have to be a healthy mom. Remove the toxicity and you will show your children happiness and confidence
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I come from a house where my parents had a really bad marriage, we even saw videos of my dad and his gf on vacations in las vegas when we were struggling to eat in Mexico. It was soo sad to see my parents fight all the time…i would prefer for my mom to leave him than to keep living with him. He passed away in 2011 and i feel bad because i felt NOTHING about it.
its time to go, i left after 22 years. Best decision ever, start making connections with your family again.
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When I read the first part, I was going to say this is toxic for all of you, but the more I read, it’s pretty obvious that this is not only toxic, but he’s being verbally abusive. By the way this sounds, it seems like you already know the answer.
You and your family will feel so much better in your own. I grew up with parents who fought all the time. It caused alot of problems when I started dating. I thought it was normal to fight all the time. I almost married someone who would have killed me. You will feel so much better on your own. Praying for you!
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Even though things are bad you both are comfortable. It’s easy to stay the way things are then to take the trouble of starting over with someone else. You’ll be forced to break up if it gets abusive. I hope it doesn’t come to that. I hope the best for you and yours kids. They are the ones who suffer.
Sounds like the love is gone on both sides. For the sake of your sanity and happiness you should end it. You tried counseling and that didn’t work. Resenting your partner isn’t healthy for anyone including the kids.
You already know your answer.
That’s a dead dog. Go on and get out while you can and never look back
Don’t waste anymore of your life
LEAVEEEEEEE what you’re living sounds beyond miserable. That marriage is dead and over.
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Oh my goodness … How sad … Bless your heart sweet. It’s easy for all of us to sit here and say do one thing or the other but in the end it is you and your children that will be affected by and live with the decisions you make. I will say this though, whatever you do just know that you have a right to peace and someone who will love you and treat you as a human being. I wish you all the best and will keep you in my prayers.
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I didn’t even get 1/2 way through reading. Time to move on! Discover yourself! Don’t jump into a relationship! Enjoy being single. Learn to love yourself! Enjoy life.
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Was mentally and verbally abusive??? He still is! Get out while you can.
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When you say the word abusive. It’s time to go. You don’t deserve to be treated this way and your kids don’t deserve to watch their mother being treated this way either. Break the cycle of abuse now, if not for yourself, for the sake of your kids.
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Seems like you already know what to do honey, you just have to gather the courage to do so. I promise, it’s better on the other side.
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Sounds like you are both very toxic to each other. For both of your sakes and those poor kids get the hell out. Sounds like you are both to scared to end it but neither of you want to stay and in the mean time you are both hurting your kids, when your kids are telling you to get divorced but you stay, can safely say your not staying for the kids. Stop blaming each other grow up and go and finally be happy and even if your not happy sounds like the poor kids will be
Its time to walk away! Its hard but once you do it you will have so much confidence in yourself and your kids will be happier seeing mom happy …its not healthy to stay sounds like
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The question is why haven’t you already left? Don’t you love yourself? It’s unhealthy for everyone involved. You staying is not only harming your mental health but also your kids’. Come up with a game plan and go! If not for you, for them. You have a lot of healing to do and life is short so don’t waste anymore time.
It’s time to move on…
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Idk if it’s true but you probably stay because he’s been a permanent thing in your life for so long. Maybe your scared to step out of that comfort zone. But you’ll never know true happiness if you don’t take that first hard step. If your financially stable on your own leave him. Your stronger than you think!
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Take your kids and get out. Or get him out.
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Read your story. You answered you own question. Your marriage has been over for years. I stayed for my kids and the life I had until is became abusive. It’s worse on your kids staying. Find away to get out. Life is far to short to spend it the way your living.
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As a kid of two people who didn’t love eachother and fought all the time, listen to your kids when they say split. It’s better for them and yourself as hard as it may seem.
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Not going to lie if that was me i would have smashed the playstation
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When you have to ask this question. Thats when you know.
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Why the hell is he still there??!! Get rid. He is mean, ungrateful, childish waste of a husband and father who seems to me to be deflecting his guilt onto you and you are getting the rough end of his attitude which is out of order. Get angry with him and tell him if he wants to be looked after by a mother like the child he’s behaving like, he should move out and go live with his!!
Oh dear god get out!
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Honestly, I would pack up and move them kids back to where all your friends and family are. This relationship isnt healthy and you are clearly not happy and its effecting the kids. Easier said than done when you have been with someone so long but noone deserves to be unhappy and I think you would be better off without him x
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I mean no disrespect. You deserve to be loved. Your CHILDREN deserve to live in a safe and stable environment. If you go back and read your post out loud it sounds like you already know. It’s not our right really to TELL you to leave but I will say look at your situation and what your kids see on a daily basis. Sounds like emotionally y’all are already divorced.
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Y’all are both a hot mess that needs to grow the efff up
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You stay because you are co-dependent. Get therapy to help you out of that. Move to a state near your family. Like 5/10 mins away. Get support. This relationship has to end. It’s toxic and you know you aren’t happy
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Every thing about what I just read screams leave!
Not even for your kids, for you!!
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Your marriage was over before you cheated on eachother. When the kids say you should divorce its a good sign that your relationship is hurting everyone
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Honey, it’s way past time to leave. He’s being emotionally and verbally abusive and you’re teaching your children that is the way that a man is supposed to treat a woman by staying in that relationship. If I were you I would run, not walk away. You deserve so much better and your children deserve to see you happy.
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You’ve already separated. Youre just in the same house. Just be happy. Both of you !
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I had similar childhood and trust me it made me so distant from both my parents. One for doing the mistake, one for staying n making me go through the stress everyday. I feel as an adult it also affected me , i hate confrontation, no regards for relationship, commitment,loyalty. It took me a while and as i grew older i changed. Its not a good environment for kids. I would personally say its better to have happy divorced parents.
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Get out he is in love with the video games not you or the kids. It’s an addictive behaviour and it’s not for you and the kids .He soon will become violent and blame his game losses on you and the kids get out now he won’t care
Run like the wind girl you dont need that shit. Once cheated nothing is ever the same trust is lost
Reread this post and pretend it’s a friend telling you her story. What would you tell your friend?
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It sounds like you already have your list of reasons… and as far as what’s best for the kids- a happy house, a happy mother and a happy father is best. However y’all get to happy will better impact your children than a tense home situation.
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You sound miserable. You either happy in a relationship or not. It has nothing to do with a Ps4. So if he can’t make that time for his family, if he isn’t bringing out the best in you or giving you Atleast 3 reasons to think about staying with him then he’s not worth it. And if you thinking about your kids then don’t. Sometimes it’s more toxic for kids if their parents stay together in a bitter relationship, you teaching them that it’s okay to be unhappy. They will look at your choices and make their own one day.
This is my advice, rest is up to you…
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He doesn’t want you, but he doesn’t want anyone else to have you either. Go find your happiness Mumma x
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Girl, you should’ve left him years ago. Hurry up and run tf away from him. He’s not a good person.
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Get out of the marriage, for your own safety. You sound so sad, but you can do it!! Xxxx
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