I wouldn’t care what she thinks. You didn’t marry her and build a family with her. Most mother in law thinks like that because of INSECURITIES lol. In this generation, both men and women cook. Both men and women can work and pay bills. She needs to get a life and stop focusing on her grown man son’s life.
I was a sahm and I cleaned and cooked EVERY DAY. While he was at work my off days was when he was off.
Mine only has to take trash to the road, mow, and fix things. I do everything else. That’s what I’m home for.
Whose house
Is it? If she doesn’t like the way you do things she doesn’t have to come by. If she has so much time on her hands maybe she would be like to come by and clean. Your kids come first. I know how you feel though I was the same way and regret not spending more time with the kids.
I’m a sahm and I do all the house work while he works outside the home. He shouldn’t be expected to clean after working all day
Im currently a sahm of 2 and while im looking for daycare for my girls for when i start classes this fall, i make sure to clean the house and ar least prep dinner before he gets home
Well I am a working mom and husband is stahd I’m going to say when I stayed home kids and house was my responsibility and now that he is stay at home it is his. Now there are things I do like cook dinner because it’s my thing but as for cleaning it’s him. I work 10-12 hours a day 6-7 days a week at times. Coming home to a messy house isn’t fun after long days when I get home I want to spend time with our children not clean. It’s part of being the stay at home parent. Now I will say what’s good for the goose isn’t always good for the gander so do what’s best for y’all but this is my opinion.
Honey you are doing the right thing. I did that and at the end my mother in law want to live with me rather then her other children.
Im a sahm and my husband works a full time job as a tow truck driver and i care for the kids cook and clean and do the grocery shopping and doctor appointments that way he can come home and rest only thing he does is takes out the trash on his way out to work and fixes the cara of he is able to and it works for our house
I think you have to do whatever works best for you and how you and your husband feel not your MIL. I always try and make sure the house is clean when my partner gets home and cook dinner. I think that men need to help out with the kids 50/50 when they are home and pick up after themselves in general.
I was a sahm 3 boys ,
I cooked , cleaned , took care of the kids , did all the errands …he works 10 to 12 hr days , might be old fashioned and all but that’s how the cookie crumbles in my house…
I’m a sahm mom to 2, my hubby works. I take care of pretty much all housework. Am I expected to? No. When he comes in the door, he helps. Whether it be knocking out a load of dishes for me, folding a load of laundry, or just taking the kids for a bit so I can get a few minutes of peace. It takes teamwork to make this work. Now, most times, I have it all done. But if I don’t, he just reminds me that time spent with the kids is more important. They are only little for so long. Your mother-in-law is old school. My parents are the same, they are 70’s/80’s. My mom likes to say the same, my dad even more so. What worked in their household worked for them. How we are in our household is different. Appreciate the differences but this is not “back in the day.”
Is it 50/50. My fiancé and I both do things around our home and take care of our toddler… she sounds very old school and that’s fine BUT times have changed
You did not marry that woman. You married her son. And if he is satisfied, THEN HE NEEDS TO TELL HIS MOTHER TO STOP.
Tell her if it bothers her so much she can come over and do the cooking and cleaning!
Your kids will remember the happy and loving home!
As a stay at home mom, yes. Although my husband helps me out since I’m almost 7 months pregnant and can’t over do it so he willingly helps me and tells me to relax at times. But overall I take breaks from cleaning here and there because he allows me to have some me time when he gets off work. My husbands family like to bash on me for staying home and calls me “lazy” and make it a big deal because there isn’t 2 incomes but none of them don’t have to struggle finding reliable babysitters. I babysit at home and they still consider that not a job. I know exactly how you feel…
I’m a SAHM of 6 boys under the age of 10, I literally do everything from cooking every meal, cleaning, dishes, laundry, fold and put away, I take out the trash, and I handle 6 kids, not saying it’s easy by any means, but my husband helps on days I struggle to keep up, not often does it happen because I clean ad the day goes, because if I don’t do dishes after every meal it looks like I haven’t done them all week but on my husband’s days off he’s really good and helping me with things! Being a wife and mom is hard enough but being a husband and father is hard too, men have the constant worry of providing for their families making things happen for the family. Moms who work have the same issues. Everyone had their opinions but at the end of the day you are there to make your family happy not other people.
You technically don’t have to please your mother-in-law I may be cordial some respect but no it is not your job if you are a stay at home mother and your husband works all day I think you should do the cooking and cleaning but your husband should also help out when he has time and stuff like that but you also have a full-time job more than a full-time job with your children so cooking and cleaning Hass to be put on the side burner lol
If she’s so damn concerned she can come do the dishes!!
I love to cook, so if i had a hard working man, he,d come home every night to a tidy home and a delicious meal. I stay at home and i pride myself in keeping a clean and tidy home. Thats just me. Cheers
I’m a stay at home mom my husband works plus cooks and does the dishes just because we are home doesn’t mean we aren’t doing shit taking care of kids is a full time job! So yes your husband should help around the house!!
Girl you do what you think is best for you and your house. Don’t mind none of these comments saying it’s all on you. No it’s not! It is your and your husband’s home and he’s not gonna die if he does some house chores. Now I’m not saying don’t do anything at all but don’t leave it all to him either. You guys are a team and should work together no matter what it is. As for your mother in law she can keep on walking.
No He should Help even More It Takes a lot To Be You. SO HE Should Drop the Macho Stuff an Help Out a lot More
If you don’t work outside the home than imo, yes, you should be making time for cleaning and cooking. Don’t try to make things spotless all the time because you’ll drive yourself insane but tidy should be a goal. Keeping the home is a full time job in itself, your husband shouldn’t have to work a full shift outside of the home just to come home and work a part time job at home cleaning things you could have been doing or made time for all day. Everyone here is saying “you’re not a maid” and they’re right, im not telling you to allow him to throw his socks where ever he feels and allow him to leave his shoes in the middle of hallways etc because he isn’t a toddler. but washing the laundry and putting it away, washing dishes, cleaning countertops, picking up babies toys, clean the toilet and tub once a week, sweep, vacuum. That kind thing.
U don’t need to be good enough for her… she’s not your husband or your wife. Do what works for YOUR family and screw what anyone else thinks or says
So very important for the children to have valuable special time with mom,they won’t remember if the house was cleaned or not but they will never forget the wonderful time that mom gives especially for them
I see a lot of comments agreeing. So guess you should start negotiating sick days, paid vacation time, hourly pay, days off/hours etc.
You married your husband not her she has no say at your house unless she is helping you some way
Lol no. Of course not. Raise your babies mama. The dishes can get done when you’re.done living.
SAHM here he’s working and paying the bills the kids should be taken care of as well as the house and the same would go if u we’re working and he wasn’t
Depends what the agreement between your husband and you is.
In my household, I clean, cook, take care of kids, dog, am pregnant, go grocery shopping, etc. On top of daily chores and cleaning i wake up before he does to make him lunch and breakfast. He comes home to a home cooked meal 3-5 days of the week.
I just stopped working but my husband totally understood that days I worked 10 hrs were days I didn’t do anything.
He helps bathe the children and makes sure they’re fed while I’m gone, but won’t do much more himself, rather he tells the children what to do. (Age appropriate).
He takes care of all lawn, car, and garage maintenance. I don’t pull a single weed, water a plant, move a rock, top any of my car fluids, or clean up the garage mess.
He works 10-12 hours a day. 4-5 days a week .
I was working 2-3 days 8-10 hours a day.
She shouldn’t be voicing her opinion in such a manner. Her times were different.
You do what’s best for YOUR family.
It’s not her life not her issue what is important is what u and urs agree on.
If he can work, he can clean🤷🏻♀️ I am nobody’s maid. If those dishes bother him enough he can do it himself.
In my house, she’s wrong.
I mean… I don’t ask my man to do anything after he works 12 hours in the sun.
Now a days… sorry to say… women feel it’s not their job to be subjected to such work
But I was born in 87 and I will always love to cook for my family and I hate coming home to a messy house so of course I’m going to clean my home. Having a man or not.
It’s nice to have my husband’s help sometimes.
I’m not currently a SAHM (have been in the past when my oldest was born - 2 y/o), but I do work from home. Our kids are 11, 8 and 3 and the 3 y/o goes to the sitter while I work.
Before my husband goes to work (he works 6a-730p as a police officer with rotating days off) he does the laundry and when he gets home, he does the dishes if I haven’t gotten to them yet. I do all the “other” stuff that can go a few days if spending the night after work with my kids is more pressing that day for whstever reason than vacuuming, mopping, etc. I cook majority of the families meals, but on his days off every now and then he will. It’s a PARTNERSHIP and idgaf if he’s the sole provider or not - you’re both adults and you’re100% not his maid. We found a balance that works for us that includes both of us working and both of us contributing to the “daily house chores”.
I say - do what works for you and take Z-E-R-O of what that woman has to say into consideration. If she wants your house spotless, she’s welcome to hire (and pay) a cleaning service/maid to come help out once a week (which I’m not dissing this idea in any way, shape or form, because I absolutely have a cleaning lady generally once a week and let me tell you, when she comes on Sundays and I can start the week with a spotless house, it’s amazing!).
Yes, she is correct.
I do all the cooking and cleaning while my husband is at work. But ALL day seems a little much. Cleaning and cooking should only be a small slice of the day unless you live in a gigantic home with 30 pets! You should be able to put your feet up or do something that makes you happy before your husband is home. And on weekends when he is off he should be able to let you rest for a bit while he makes dinner or breakfast for you and let you have some personal time while he watches the kids. Marriages are a partnership and both need to help the other. This isn’t the 1950s anymore!
I think , if the man of the family is sole support financially, and the wife stays home. she has a responsibility to take care of home. Both should take care of kids needs, because kids needs both to take care of them. If both man and woman work outside the home, Both should take care of home and Children. It is a partnership.
I work 2 jobs, I’m married and have 3 kids. We both cook clean and tend to the kids
don’t know why takes people so long to clean keep on top takes like 40 mins tops a day then have all day with kids
Your house your rules. In my house everyone cleans after themselves aside from the tiny guy. I’m not a maid.
If your at home
Your job is to take care of the home and children.
I believe that you and your husband decide what works best for yall. If you’re a STAHM, you should have time for both your upkeep and your children.
I mean, if I’m home and don’t work, the LEAST that I can do is make sure the house is tidy and everyone gets fed. No, it’s not a “woman’s job.” It’s the job of whomever stays home to take care of the house. Simple as that. No one wants to marry or date someone lazy and can’t equally prioritize making sure their house isn’t filthy and take care of the kids.
Honestly, I would ignore her. She is set in her ways and it’s not going to change. She is right if it was in her time and age. But times have changed. Keep doing what you are doing, especially if it’s not bothering your husband. If he helps it’s okay. But Honestly don’t leave all of the cooking and cleaning up to him. Make sure you help out. I clean once the Kids are in bed, make dinner together. Or switch off every day. But you both are partners you both can do it. My ex thought I should be his maid. I use to have the house spotless then he came home trashed it and said I never cleaned and then told me I am supposed to follow him and clean up his mess. I also have chronic pain and it would keep me from cleaning as much. But when you have kids you can’t always keep it clean. This is way I wait till they are in bed and clean. Makes playing with the kids and teaching them less stressful and more fun.
I mean if you don’t work and you stay home all day you should be able to give time to keep your house tidy and prepare a meal. When I was working I did my best but once I went full blown self employed I still made sure my home was clean and my family was fed dinner every night. I also only have 1 child who can assist with light cleaning. She is also responsible for her own room. While I don’t think it’s a woman’s job, I do think it’s the responsibility of the person who stays home. I wouldn’t want a lazy stay at home parent who only plays with the kids and let’s the house fall into disarray. That would infuriate me
In a relationship the only job anyone should have is making sure your partner and yourself are doing what is necessary to take care of the family. Which includes splitting everything…
Don’t let anyone make you feel like you’re not good enough; You do you! being in her 60s is no excuse not to call her on her behaviour( I also am in my 60s) On the other hand, it’s never to early to teach your kids to clean up after themselves!
This is classic MIL meddling. Ignore her and keep doing what you’re doing.
It’s not her house, and not her marriage.
Obviously no. This isn’t 1950.
That’s how I was raised.
Is he Mexican ?? Cause that’s typical in traditional Mexican families . Ask the both of them if they’re into incest and if so they can go fu€k each other .
Nope. You’re right momma
Everyone is going to have a different opinion on this. I personally think its not like you’re sitting around all day doing nothing, you’re caring for your kids. So ignore the mil as she is clearly just an old school thinker. She won’t change her views, my mum is exactly the same and she won’t change either. She does everything for my dad, literally like she’s his carer. Ive always said I would never be like that and my husband and I are 50 50 with everything. He helped you create the home, he can help you maintain it x
In our family I’m the worker because my husband has a heart condition and isn’t able to in return he takes care of our home and our daughter when I’m at work he does meals and everything except for my off days and then I cook a meal he wouldn’t know how to and he does the dishes even on those days… It’s About Teamwork for us not gender roles
I think that’s just how their generation is. If your husband doesn’t have a problem with it, which it doesn’t sound like he does, I wouldn’t worry about it. Personally I just make mine dinner & then after our daughter goes to bed I’ll clean up, and do dishes.
Listen, I’m a SAHM to 3 kids (6, 3 & almost 2) the middle & youngest are in diapers.
My husband works outside in the weather allllll day long. 5 days a week.
I cook, take care of our kids and dog and while our house isn’t a disaster, he comes home & will load the dishwasher or start laundry or help with dinner and the kids.
You guys are supposed to be partners and work together.
It doesn’t matter which one of you
Is bringing home the money. Taking care of kids is a full time non stop job. So while you aren’t bringing home real money, you are working hard everyday raising your children.
Tell him he needs to tell her to fuck off.
I’m just gonna answer your first question.
NO. It is not a woman’s job to cook and clean and look after the kids.
However, if you’re a SAHM and you WANT to take on those responsibilities because your husband works all day, then that is fine.
If it is expected of you from him or his family, that isn’t cool.
Kids are a full time job on their own. I have one son and he can turn our house into a disaster zone it 10 mins.
My situation is a little different because I work too, but we share the responsibilities of cleaning and looking after our son.
I also completely understand that you would rather spend quality time with your kids over cleaning.
How old are you?
In my experience Women of a certain generation tend to think this way because that’s what that the expectation placed on them when they got married and started a family.As far as I’m concerned that’s not the case anymore.
I’m 26, single and live by myself. But if I ever had kids and had to give up my career to stay at home for childcare I would consider that childcare a priority and a full time job. Look after the kids 9-5 fine but when he comes home why should he get to clock out when you don’t just cos you’re a woman?
The answer is NO: it’s not your responsibility to cook and clean just because you’re a woman. You created those kids together so if you’re staying at home and he goes out, you’re both working. The rest of the responsibilities fall on both of you.
It is NOT a woman’s “job” to cook and clean. Husbands and wives should share chores and do them together. There should be no man’s job or woman’s job. You’re a team! This is not the 1950’s. You could express how you feel to your husband and mother in law. You are good enough. She just has views that are stuck in the past.
Yes I agree with Katherine white! If one of you is out all day doing a job then the other should do the chores, it’s hard coming home and having to do them after a long day at work! Children will amuse themselves while you clear up or get them to join in! I’m not saying it’s the woman’s job, same as a stay at home husband! And you should also take turns at cooking and clearing up after! Even when working! It’s not just a woman’s job, men get stuck in too! House work doesn’t have to take up your whole day and you can always get the children involved in helping, give them a little responsibility and reap the rewards they enjoy helping! Share responsibilities in the house hold! You will all benefit!
Personally I think if you’re at home all day … you have time to run a vacuum round regardless of how many kids you have. It takes 10 mins if that. If you’re both out working then fair enough share the responsibility but why should someone go to work all day and come back and have to clean the house? Same if my husband was a stay at home husband and I was the one working. Who wants to live in a pig stye anyways? “My kids are just making memories” okay lazy.
To answer your question, if your partner is working and you are 100% housewife then it should be your job. If you are the one working, it’s his job.
If you both work, then it’s nobody’s job.
In the end, you both work as a team to help each other if you want a successful relationship. There is no “one size fits all” solution.
You BOTH live In the house you BOTH take care of the house
Depends on the values and dynamic of the relationship.
Caring for children and nurturing early childhood development is a full time job. I don’t think society gives enough credit to those who are home with their children all day or to those who take care of other’s children all day. Cleaning and cooking are additional tasks that can be shared.
Me and my partner both work full time jobs and share the responsibilities at home,but before that I was a stay at home Mum and yes I think it’s fair to do more at home while the other is at work. Having a chance to be both a stay at home Mum and a full time working Mum… let’s just say I’d gladly go back to home duties over work any day. You are lucky to be able to stay at home, so what’s a few dishes? I’m about to finish a 10 1/2 hour day and still going home to prepare dinner, do all those home duties and be a Mum .
If you don’t have a out of the house job, yes you should clean the house and cook while still spend time with the kids. You should teach them how to help clean and how to keep it clean. They are never too young. I had two boys and they can cook and clean as good as anyone. So now they help their wives because they have public jobs also.
Being parents is hard work. Really if you are a stay at home mum you are really privileged. I would try my best to make sure my kitchen & bathrooms were clean. Weekends can be for laundry & hoovering when he is home to help. Also he should help by entertaining the kids while you cook & help with bath & bed time - he is then getting his time in with them. Then you can have some time together & it;s always nice to talk to an adult. It is a 2 way street creating them & should be a 2 way street raising them
If I’m a stay at home mom and my man pays all the bills I’m definitely going to take care of household responsibilities. But the point is y’all should do what works for you both and you can only figure it out through honest communication and understanding.
Someone always have to have an opinion on how one should be living their life. Being a mum is a full time job and you should be respected for it. This isn’t the 1950’s anymore. Parenting and the house work is a shared partnership. Screw what anyone else thinks. Your doing a great job raising your kids
I’ve heard this before as well even when I was working. You and your husband decide what is best for you and your home. She can keep her mouth shut about your home life. She doesn’t live there and if she thinks it should be done by the time he’s home, she can come and do it herself.
No, but it’s your mans job to pay for a house keeper so you both can be a little more stress free!!!
Sorry but I think if your a stay at home Mum yes he shouldn’t have to do anything when he gets home. I mean who plays with their kids for 8 hours?
There’s no reason to think you’re wrong just because she thinks she’s right. It’s not your responsibility to defend yourself or absorb her feedback. Opinions are like hand me downs. It was free for them to give it away and you’re not obligated to do anything with it. The bigger question is does your husband express conflicting emotions because of the variance between you and his mother.
Well since we aren’t in 1965 anymore. I’d say it’s pretty outdated. However. If he provides and you raise the kids, then it’s a team effort. Your work is just don’t inside the home. You job is taking care of your house. Nobody is saying you have to slave over his ass. F that shit. But if you bring in income and work. Then it doesn’t matter how much he works more or less. Y’all split it. Also. After saying all that. Let me be clear. You are not his mama. Not his maid. You work is done in the home raising kids. Which means taking care of their needs and tending to them first. Your husband is grown. He can pitch in cause raising kids is not easy. This whole not lifting a finger is nonsense. But yes, the bulk of the house hold chores falls on you. You guys are a team. Nobody wants to bust their ass for 8 to 10 hours come home and make dinner for the family while the person in the house, can help.
I recommend you read the books “Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands” and “Proper Care and Feeding or Marriage” by Dr Laura Schlessinger. They have really helped me to grow and become a better wife.
If you’re a stay at home Mom and he’s out working full time then consider yourself very lucky. Not many parents are able to stay at home to care for their children and household anymore. Yes caring and playing with the children is important but so is taking a little bit of time each day to take care of the household chores and cooking dinner. He’s bringing home the income and you’re contributing by being at home to care for the household. Your mother in law isn’t wrong
Well . I mean . You should prob be doing the majority of the work. But my husband always pitchens in when I ask or he has a day off. I would never expect him to come home from work and cook and clean . Some days the house doesn’t get clean. Some days you eat take out .
Love how the men are commenting that she’s right…. Sexist much?
Has he spent an entire day home with all the kids? It’s so time consuming. Sure if you have time tidy up and do what you can but some days it’s just not possible and that’s okay. Kids are only young once so bonding and spending time is the most important thing right now.
Parenting and a house is a joint thing between two adults.
First. My granny always said the house chores will always be there, but the kids will not. So spend all the time with them you can. Also, basic household duties should have no gender roles. Period. However, I would manage your time where you can entertain the kids AND get housework done if you’re home during the day. There should be a healthy balance though. Not everything falling on one or the other.
I’d be questioning her as to why she feels so insecure about the way she parented her son that she feels she didn’t teach him enough to survive without a woman doing everything. But I’m a bish . It’s a reflection of her not you Hun. Ask her since he works all day why aren’t we rich??
I mean… if you’re only a SAHM & you don’t have a P/T or F/T job, then absolutely. If you worked as well, then duties fall on both of you, but if you’re a SAHM then cleaning, cooking, raising your babies, trash, appts, you name it… is on you. That’s how I was raised!
no… i think everyone the adults should share these responsibilities. taking care and raising kids is a full time job too.
Shes not right. But not doing anything no. But having a spotless house and he do nothing is sexist and wrong it should be an effort on both partners. Your job is raising kids and the house is a join effort with my family
Kids grow up so quickly. You cannot get that time back. My kids are a senior in high school and a senior in college and I regret none of the time spent with them when little. I’m not the best house keeper, but we always cooked, and both my kids can now make dinner and bake really well. Now that I work full time from home they can jump in and cook dinner if I am working late. In fact they come up with interesting dishes that I never make so it keeps in interesting.
Your fellas right she is stuck in her ways and her generation. But as mothers in this generation we should and must raise our children differently. When we think of mothers we automatically think care giver. We opt the stance of boys, yard work, DIY and girls washing and cleaning. Yet mothers now work full time, they no longer just stay at home to cook, clean or raise children. Our kids need raising to meet this generation needs and expectations
My husband works all day. I’ve always stayed home. Even when I worked at home or outside the home doing labor as tough if not tougher than him. I still did the house and cooking. The kids preferred me to him when they were younger. I couldn’t change that. Houses aren’t museums but they should be cared for. I my husband doesn’t lift a finger unless he wants tp do something.
It is a 2 way street the one out of the house isn’t home to do it but when you have little ones they are a job in themselves. The kids as they grow will need independent play. That’s very important to know mommy or daddy isn’t here to entertain you all the time. We have responsibility too. They need to see that as well
If you’re home, and he’s paying the bills, yes the children are a full time job but SO IS THE HOUSE!!! It’s not lazy of him to not want to come home to a messy or even dirty house. Most of those tasks can be completed during naps or an episode of blues clues. Prioritize your time to meet the needs of your family and your house, including the daily, often tedious maintenance of dishes and laundry and vacuuming. Yes, it is your job.
Yes if you don’t work a job outside of the home you should be doing majority of house duties. Yes he can help with some, simpler tasks but the person who is not employed should be cooking cleaning and tending to the children, they don’t need to consume so much of your time you can not accomplish majority of house work.
I work away from my family all week. My wife keeps on top of the cleaning and stuff but wen I get home I’ll quite happily have a tidy round and do the cooking. She runs round after our little one all day. Responsibility’s should be shared. Society today isn’t like it used to be when it was the norm to expect the woman to do all the chores.
Isn’t taking care of children all day a job?? That is more important than a clean house!!!or cooking? What’s wrong with going out to eat once in awhile. Boy is she old fashioned!!!
The house should be a responsibility you both should take care of. He should be as grateful to you for caring for your children , as you are to him for working outside the home.
You both have a job, not just him!!
Ignore this woman, you keep having that quality time with your kids because they soon grow up and not want to play anymore I think you are doing the right thing kids must and always come first
I’m a stay at home wife mom and yes I try to keep house clean and food ready for him it’s not always possible I make sure his uniforms are always clean and the necessities they may not be folded instantly but they are clean and when I cook I cook a lot so there are leftovers to warm up my house is not spotless we have a toddler it’s not dirty just messy time to time but when he is off he does the cooking and will help with household stuff this is my job and I own that but a stay at home wife mom never has a day off either so if everything doesn’t get done all the time not that big of deal we have certain family members who like their opinions too and think I should work because we only have once Child but my husband works 48 hr shifts on an ambulance and I’m a nurse so babysitting was always an issue so when Covid hit I decided to stay home we each have our role
This is between you and your man. My daughter in law works, my son works at home very flexible and he has been my gson and gdaughters primary daytime parent. It worked great for them both kids are off to college. She always said he was best at nurturing and cooking, but not allowed to wash anything but jeans and towels. Lol